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꧁ཐི༺♱jisu♱༻ཋྀ꧂
Jisu is not a slut.
In fact, she’s never done anything with anyone. She got kinda close one time, at summer camp with a bunkmate, but the bunk leader walked in to do checks, and Jisu and the other girl scurried back to their beds with racing hearts and sweaty hands. When the other girl didn’t move once the coast was clear, Jisu knew that the moment would not return.
She thinks about that moment in that humid cabin often. She can still smell the aged wood planks that lined the wall by her bunk. Why was Jisu frozen, stuck to her bed? What would have happened if the bunk leader hadn’t come in? How do lips taste? Where is that girl now?
But even the concept of someone walking in on her kissing another girl makes Jisu shudder. What would they think?
Jisu also thinks about what other people think rather often. So while Jisu knows that she isn’t a slut, she does everything in her power to make sure that the rest of the world knows it too. Being a slut isn’t just about doing stuff with people. It’s about doing stuff to yourself, talking about how to do stuff stuff, dressing in a way where people can imagine you doing stuff with them, and flirting (which is just foreplay to doing stuff, right?).
Jisu doesn’t even want to do stuff, by the way. She’s perfectly fine with her life as it is.
Perfectly content as a virgin who’s never been kissed.
Jisu looks into the mirror on the back of her bedroom door. She’s still in her sleep clothes, and she’s supposed to be getting ready for class, but the process of getting ready requires some rumination. At least for Jisu it does.
She turns to her clothes. They’re mostly hung up, but her favorites are slung over half-open dresser drawers, not dirty enough to be in the hamper, but not clean enough to be allowed back in the drawers. Jisu grabs her favorite baggy sweatpants and a loose-fit T-shirt that she stole from Chan.
She actually does have a lot of cute clothes hung up in her closet. Skirts, stockings, chunky heels, little blouses with ruffles and frills. She just chooses to dress down most of the time. Anytime she leaves these four walls, to be precise. Those clothes are only appropriate to wear when the only audience is Han Jisu.
Turning back to the mirror, Jisu pulls off her sleep clothes, so she’s standing stark naked. She knows that most girls are critical of their bodies, but Jisu secretly loves hers. She loves the faint freckles that dot her arms, and her average tits with kinda dark and kinda small nipples, and she loves her belly button and the swell of her lower belly. She turns to the side and gazes at her small, but plump, behind.
Her favorite thing about her body is that nobody in the entire world has seen it. Her mother doesn’t count, mostly because Jisu’s grown up a lot since the last time she would have been able to see it, and also does anyone’s mother count?
She loves the way her body looks in her clothes too. Not the sweats and oversized hand-me-downs, though she does think she looks perfectly, adorably small in those. In her mini skirts and tank tops. The ripped jeans with the flare that makes her butt look amazing. The sweater that settles around her hips just right, and slips down over her shoulders to reveal the perfect amount of collarbone. She ghosts her hands over her bare arms, imagining the soft fabric is there.
A knock on her door startles her.
“I’m changing!” She half-shrieks.
“We should leave soon if you want to make it on time,” Chan’s gentle voice filters through the door.
Jisu throws on her underwear, unassuming black basics with nothing special (no padding or lace or bows—nothing slutty), followed by the clothes she picked out for today.
Jisu steps closer to the mirror to examine her face. She has very average skin, in her opinion. Some spots, some scars. A small mole on one cheek.
The thing about being a slut is, nobody really knows how much you’ve done stuff before. And even in the case of Jisu, who hasn’t done any stuff with anyone, if you’re pretty and have a “nice” body, people will just call you a slut. Jisu’s heard it a million times before. A girl in high school calling her friend a hoe behind her back if she wore the skirt instead of the pants for their uniform. A guy from her English class calling his “fuck buddy” (grow up) easy because she—surprise—fucked him. Guys at her middle school would call girls sluts just for wearing eyeliner.
Now that Jisu is in college, people are a lot more secretive with their judgements. People don’t talk about it out loud, but there are definitely judgmental gazes, lingering around women’s thighs and chests. So Jisu keeps up appearances, first and foremost, by hiding her body. Baggy sweats and shapeless tops every day. Her second strategy is to do nothing to her face, because the worst anyone could say about a girl who doesn’t wear makeup is that she’s a slob. Much better to be a slob with a mysteriously-shaped body than a put-together slut.
Someone—Chan, probably—knocks on her door again. Jisu grabs her school bag and runs out the door.
She meets Chan at the front door.
“Changbin is just getting the car,” he says.
Jisu looks down at her phone to check the time. “Cool,” she says.
Changbin is Jisu’s other roommate. The three of them have been living together since Jisu was sixteen, but they have been friends for much, much longer. Jisu doesn’t have many memories pre-Channie-and-Binnie. But they have been the most stable thing in her life since forever, so living with them now is a no-brainer. Together, they have been by far the biggest blessings in Jisu’s life. And it’s not even close.
Chan walks with Jisu down the stairs to get into Changbin’s car, and shuts the door behind her before getting into the passenger seat.
“All buckled up?” Changbin checks before pulling into the road.
Jisu smiles. Changbin is the keystone in their trio. He’s essential. One day, when Jisu was following Chan around on the playground at recess, Changbin walked up to Chan and asked if he could play with them. Chan said ‘sure,’ and Jisu was secretly pleased to have not one, but two friends, but then Changbin didn’t reply. Jisu lifted her gaze from their shoes on the pavement to see that Changbin was also asking her. As though she had an equal say in the matter. He always treated her fairly. More fairly than she deserves.
Changbin is the keystone, and Chan is the natural leader, and Jisu is…
Jisu spends the car ride ruminating about her role in the trio. How do Chan and Changbin see her? How does she see herself? The only answer she can come up with is ‘the baby.’
When they get to school, Jisu doesn’t have far to walk (thanks to Changbin), but the campus is bustling, and there are probably a dozen people that pass by Jisu as she heads up the stairs to enter her building. Her third strategy for keeping up appearances is to closely monitor other people’s reactions to her. The vast majority of people hide their reactions well. So well that Jisu can’t even see a hint of an expression on their face when she walks by, which frustrates her, but it’s not as frustrating as the people who pretend like they aren’t looking at her at all.
Jisu settles into her spot in the third row of the lecture hall. This, too, is calculated. Jisu isn’t a suck-up, so the first row is a definite no. But the back row is too far away for the professors to see her. Jisu makes sure to introduce herself to each of her professors within the first two weeks of each semester, and then keep herself fresh in their memory by interacting with them at least once a week, which sometimes is just eye contact during class, and other times is asking a carefully crafted question at the perfect time. That way, when she needs something from them, they have a face to her name, and so far, they’ve always said yes.
The third row has only one drawback. The people behind her can see everything she does during class. She keeps her phone in her backpack the entire time. And she only uses her laptop to pull up the lecture slides. She even set up a separate profile on her computer that is only for use in public, so there’s no chance of her personal things being seen.
She sits in the uncomfortable wooden chair, back ramrod-straight, at attention for the next 50 minutes. Jisu is completely focused on the professor, except for every few minutes when she remembers people are looking at her, and she does a quick posture check and makes sure the back of her hair is smooth, and that her underwear isn’t showing, and that everything is exactly as it should be.
Jisu stands up to leave as soon as the professor concludes her lecture, and scans the room behind her to make sure everyone is reacting appropriately to her presence. Her professor mentions a pop quiz next class as the students filter out of the door, and Jisu wonders what exactly pop means if she’s going to warn them about it.
She bumps into someone at the door. Jisu mutters a quick, ‘sorry,’ and beelines the other direction when she gets free.
The fourth (fifth?) strategy Jisu has for maintaining her public image is to be close with as few people as possible. She’s not mean to people, but she isn’t exactly friendly, either. She’s got Changbin and Chan for friends. Who else could she possibly need? And outside friends make for gossip, drama, negative attention… Jisu shudders at the thought.
On the other hand, she knows, deep down, that she wants people to like her. She hopes they look at her and see something good. Something worthy. It’s weird and she knows it doesn’t make sense to say it out loud. She avoids attention; she searches strangers’ faces for their reaction. She can’t make friends; she needs to be liked. Maybe Jisu deludes herself into thinking that people will mistake aloofness for elegance. Or maybe she’s just plain delusional. It’s her little secret, though.
Also, Jisu isn’t boring. At least, not as boring as her public persona might make someone think. She has a lot of hobbies and interests! She likes fashion, and reading, and playing video games with Channie and Binnie. And, well, she used to have a big friend group. Before the Dark Days. But at least she still has her boys.
When they get home, Jisu wastes no time in pulling Changbin to the living room and asking if they can watch Twilight again. Twilight is another hobby of hers. See? She has interests!
Changbin lets out an amused huff as he flops down on the couch. “Again?” He reaches his hand out toward Jisu. “Come here,” he says.
Jisu sinks down into his side, and he puts his arm around her.
“Are you okay, baby bug?” Changbin asks, giving her a tiny, gentle shake.
Jisu melts further into his side. “Yeah,” she says. “I’m just a little worried about school.”
“Mm.”
Jisu peers up at Changbin through her bangs. “So can we?” She asks.
Changbin looks away. “What about the one after Twilight?”
“New Moon?”
“Yeah.”
Jisu likes New Moon too.
So they settle into the movie. Partway through, Chan wanders into the room, and Jisu begs him to bring her her water, and he comes back with her water bottle full with fresh ice water.
“What’s going on?” Chan asks.
“Bella is having nightmares again,” Changbin replies.
Bella screams and grabs at her blanket on the screen. Charlie busts into her room and wakes her up.
“Well I thought this thing was starting to work.”
He points at the dream catcher Jacob gave Bella for her eighteenth birthday. “But… I guess not.”
Charlie points out that hanging out with Jake takes Bella’s mind off “things.”
“Ya know sometimes, you gotta… learn to love what’s good for you.” Bella looks confused. Charlie continues. “Ya know what I mean?”
Bella doesn’t look like she knows what he means. And honestly, she’s so valid for that. Jisu thinks Charlie is full of shit and everything was perfect until Edward left Bella alone. It’s the absence of Edward that rips into Bella each night and crushes her every waking moment.
Jake was good, yes. A little… canine at times. He helped her through her darkest winter. But however warm Jake was, it was a cold winter sun, unable to melt the black ice. The dark, moonless night inevitably returned; it was barely sustainable. Edward, for all that his skin was cold, was ever Bella’s blazing future. Whether it would be eternal love or tragic end, it was always Edward.
Plus, Robert Pattinson was hotter.
⛓⛓ ࣪ › binnie ˖ ° ⛓⛓
Jisu is Changbin’s favorite dongsaeng. He would do almost anything for her. No, scratch that. He would do anything for her. He lost a job when he was seventeen because he left in the middle of a shift to save her from a weird sleepover. He loves her, babies her, spends too much time watching her, sometimes worries too much about her; and his reward is getting to be close to her for the rest of his life (hopefully).
It’s a double-edged sword, but it’s a blade that he would willingly fall on.
He’s been like this ever since they met in elementary school. He moved to the city in the middle of a school year, and while his teacher-assigned ‘buddy’ was nice, he was a bit of a teacher’s pet. Changbin wanted to find a best friend who was rowdy, had a big appetite, spoke his mind, would trade him action figures, and liked to terrorize the neighborhood arcades on days off.
He found Chan on the playground a few days later. He was wearing a transformers t-shirt and he had dirt on his knees and his nose. Being the natural extrovert that he always has been, Changbin walked right up to him and asked him to play.
Chan came with a plus one: the little girl following him wherever he went. That’s how he met Jisu.
In no time, the rascal and the unassuming girl became the centers of his world. They did everything together. Chan was in his grade, so they sometimes had classes together. His favorite was gifted math. They got to go to a special classroom and do fun projects with the gifted teacher.
Jisu was a few years younger, so they only got to play with her during recess and after school.
When they were a little older, Jisu’s mom decided she was old enough to walk home from school by herself. Jisu tried to make it sound like an adventure, but Changbin could tell she was scared. And that just wouldn’t do.
Chan started music class after school that year, so it was up to Changbin to take Jisu home. He walked in a sort of triangle because her house wasn’t exactly on the way to his, but it was worth it.
He watched her walk up to her front door every time. Because what was the point of walking her all the way home if he wasn’t going to make sure she got in safe? Sometimes she would say, ‘wait here!’ and run up the stairs to grab him an ice pop or a brownie or a packet of rice crackers for the second half of his journey. It was like a little treat to reward him for a job well done.
That was also the year that he started exercising intentionally. He was a pretty small kid, with a sharp chin and short, skinny limbs. But what was the point of walking Jisu home to protect her if he wasn’t able to actually fight off bad guys on the way? So he did sit ups on his dusty bedroom carpet and went to the outdoor gym at the park with his parents to use the chest press machine.
On one unseasonably warm day in spring, he took off his P.E. jacket to show her how strong he was. She laughed and squished his arm and threw up her arms to flex back at him. He laughed and said, ‘It’s okay Jisu. You don’t have to be strong. I’ll fight anyone who tries to touch you,’ and she said, ‘I can help you fight them like spider girl!’ with the biggest grin.
And Changbin was so stupid. He said, ‘you can’t help me fight them, they’re much bigger than you and stronger than you,’ and Jisu’s face crumpled. He’ll never forget her expression.
She was quiet when he dropped her off, and she shut the door softly behind her without even waving or smiling, and Changbin walked home alone feeling guilty for saying something true, which didn’t seem right, but her face was crystal clear; and as the afternoon sun shone in his eyes he wished he had a fruit pop.
Changbin is much older now. Older, wiser, better at handling Jisu. He toes the fine line between doing everything for her and making it obvious that he does everything for her. She knows she can count on him. But he never wants to see her face crumple like that again. So he lets her believe that she could fight off the bad guys. Like for example, he doesn’t go to every single class with her. He just drops her off and picks her up, and that lets her develop some self-confidence and street smarts while still in his sphere of protection. (At least in the periphery of his protection.)
She doesn’t know that he is constantly assessing the situation for threats when they are together. She also doesn’t know that he analyzes the environment for danger before letting her out of his sight. And she knows about the security cameras that he installed in their apartment, but she doesn’t know that he checks them pretty regularly if she’s home alone without him or Chan.
Changbin uses exercise as a release when the stress builds up. (And to be clear, Jisu isn't doing anything wrong to make him stressed—that's just his natural state.) He goes to the gym almost daily, and Chan usually goes with him. Every once in a while, Jisu will tag along and shoot hoops or use the hot tub while they work out.
That’s Changbin’s favorite part about their little trio. Just spending time together, doing humdrum things. When Changbin and Jisu go shopping and then Chan and Changbin cook and then they all sit together in the living room doing individual things, individually together.
It wasn’t always sunshine and rosy cheeks and skinned knees. They each had their fair share of crosses to bear. But they’re happy together. They supported each other through the worst of it and made it out on the other side. If it were up to him, he wouldn’t change a thing.
꧁ཐི༺♱jisu♱༻ཋྀ꧂
Jisu is at the cafe today for some extra studying. She barely remembers what the professor was talking about in class, and she has a bad feeling that the professor won’t pull any punches on the pop quiz coming up.
She sips her mocha. It’s borderline scalding, and it hurts a little going down. But it’s the kind of burn you savor, and that lasts a long time in your belly, the bitter chocolate taste lingering at the back of your tongue.
This cafe serves mochas just like the cafe back home. Her mom used to take her there every year on her birthday for a special treat. She got hot cocoa with extra whipped cream when she was a girl. On her thirteenth birthday, her mom said she was old enough to try coffee. Jisu felt like an adult, sipping her mocha. Everyone at the cafe must have thought she was a grown up. The drink was so hot, so bitter. At least it still had whipped cream. At the time, she secretly preferred the hot cocoa, but she sat on her trembling hands and told her mom that it was so good and that she would drink mochas from now on.
Jisu tries to refocus on the notebook in front of her before she gets lost too far down memory lane. She may actually fail this quiz if she doesn’t get her revisions done.
It’s for her storytelling class. It’s an important class in her major, so she wants to do well. Not only because a good grade is a symbol of virtue, but it also indicates that her professor likes her and approves of her. And any professor in her major has the potential to be important for her future career. If they like her enough, maybe they’ll even bring her on for a movie script!
The third reason that she should study this is that it’s interesting. She’d had trouble picking her major at first, but her intense need to be involved with something creative, high-profile, and lucrative combined with her aversion to being in the public eye for fear of getting cancelled one day led her to screenwriting. Just famous enough that if you write a banger script, people in the industry will know your name, but removed enough that her public persona can be little more than a pen name and a face.
Jisu realizes she’s been spacing out again. She starts to read the first section of her notes. She gets about half-way down the page.
A loud-ish group of students piles into the booth behind her, and she is distracted again, this time by the loud giggles and unserious ‘shh’s coming from the group.
One of them keeps saying “Fe-lix!” in a comically loud tone as if Felix was across the cafe, and not sitting right next to him. The girl keeps dissolving into giggles every time he says it, and Jisu doesn’t get why it’s so funny. Like, yeah. Felix. Okay and…?
She can’t stand people like that. When Jisu walks into a room, she immediately assesses the vibe. If it’s loud, she feels free to match that volume (although that’s usually not necessary when at most, she leans into Chan or Changbin’s side and speaks directly into their ear). And if it’s quiet such as right now, then she will keep her voice down.
Jisu is just socially advanced. More evolved than those people behind her. More adaptable, makes better choices. She would never come to a cafe for no ostensible reason other than to interrupt everyone else’s important business.
Jisu remembers her own important business and realizes she’s decidedly not focused on it again. She recenters.
If only Jisu was a little bit smarter. She can be so stupid sometimes.
Everyone used to say college was hard—when she got to freshman year, Jisu was expecting insane homework, professors who don’t actually teach, and killer exams. For Jisu, it was cognitively the same difficulty as high school, but she had way more free time because she only had class for like, 3 hours each day.
But she isn’t a freshman anymore. She’s a junior, and the rigor is starting to kick her butt a little.
“Fe-lix!” The guy shouts again.
Jisu strategically gets up and goes to the counter ‘for a napkin’ (read: to shoot the giggle brigade a dirty side eye) and she is surprised to recognize the loud (and frankly slutty) brunette girl with blonde highlights from her history of film class—what was her name again?—and the two guys who she always sees at the campus union. They’re both so beautiful, but Jisu can tell they’re just putting on a persona. All that makeup and the preening around. One of them does busking at the student union, if Jisu recalls correctly. Talk about attention whore, though. On top of wanting people to watch you dance, you ask them for money?
Oh and don’t get her started on the black haired guy’s neck tattoos. Jisu definitely wants to get a tattoo someday, but she would never dream of getting one on her neck. Or anywhere visible, for that matter. Maybe a ribcage piece. Something meaningful and classy.
As she’s walking back to her seat, she passes their booth, and sees neck tat guy lean in and whisper something to the other guy. He’s got long, blonde hair and has freckles spattered across his cheeks and nose. Jisu can’t deny that he’s beautiful, in a fairy-garden-elf-angel type of way. As he listens to him, his eyes slide towards Jisu, and she’s surprised to find he has subtly golden eyes, like the color of petrified amber.
Jisu quickly looks away. All signs point to one thing: they are definitely talking about her. She puts her chin up and walks proudly back to her seat.
She looks at her notebook, though she’s not reading anything. All that she can think about is what the taller boy might have been saying. Do they know Jisu? Maybe one of them has a secret crush on her? Jisu knows them, by appearance if not by name, so it wouldn’t be shocking if they recognized her too.
Focus! Jisu scolds herself. She downs the rest of the mocha and sets it aside. She simply must to get down to business.
She’ll start with Reverse-Engineering Dynamic Protagonists.
Jisu reads.
By the time she slumps back into her living room, Jisu doesn’t feel like she’s made any progress on the content.
“Jisu-yah! Changbin-ah!” Chan calls from the kitchen.
Jisu slumps into the kitchen, shedding her backpack and her coat on the floor as she goes.
Chan is still shouting; he doesn’t see Jisu come up behind him. “I made chicken soup!”
Jisu just walks straight into his back, burrowing her head into the crook of his arm and his back.
“Hey, Jisu! I made chicken sou—“ He lifts his arm so Jisu can get closer to his side.
She wraps herself around him like a little monkey.
He giggles. “You’re so clingy, love bug!”
Jisu doesn’t laugh like she usually does when he calls her that.
“What’s wrong?” Chan sounds a little worried now.
“I’m going to fail storytelling.”
Chan catches her as she ragdolls into his body. He hoists her up. “What? Why?”
“I have a quiz, I don’t know,” she groans, voice almost entirely muffled by Chan’s sweatshirt.
“We can study together, tonight. Let’s have dinner first, yeah?” He suggests.
Jisu nods.
“I promise, you won’t fail your quiz.”
And he sounds so certain that Jisu almost believes him.
꧁ཐི༺♱jisu♱༻ཋྀ꧂
Jisu fails her quiz.
She slams her computer shut as soon as the score pops up on her screen, and she shoves her things in her bag with haste.
She wipes two errant tears from her cheeks and puts her hoodie all the way up, covering her face as much as possible as she quietly leaves the lecture hall.
Jisu knew she was going to fail. The stupid professor made it ridiculously hard.
But deep down, Jisu believes that it’s her own shortcomings which caused her to fail. She’s just not smart enough.
At least she has her reputation with the professor already established. She can go to her next office hours, beg and plead or something. Jisu is sure that she’ll be able to work something out. This professor definitely likes her at least a little.
She feels a little better, remembering how the professor fawned over her last time. Jisu is so good with people. It’s all too easy to get whatever she wants. And it’s all thanks to Jisu’s masterful manipu- Jisu’s masterful social etiquette.
Jisu hears a door down the hallway bang shut, and two girls walk towards her. At a glance, Jisu can see that it’s Minha and Jeongin, two girls from class. They’re kind of in her major, but they’re in playwriting concentration.
Jisu puts her head down and hopes they don’t see her. She doesn’t want to talk about the quiz she just failed, and if they spot her, they will probably ask her to go get coffee or something. They seem like fans, what with how they give Jisu the up-down on the regular.
One of them is in the middle of a story. “And so then she said she slept with both of them.”
“Omigod, no way!” Whoever said this draws out the ‘way’ in a frankly annoying manner.
“Yes way. So I was like, she must have to buy twice as many pregnancy tests as before.”
They both crack up.
“Oh em gee, by the way, did you see her outfit today?”
“Who,” The other replies, in that way that one does when one is anticipating piping hot gossip.
“Her! You know. Jisu.”
Jisu suppresses a gasp. She covers her face with her hands in a last-ditch attempt to remain anonymous. She can’t wait to hear how much they liked her outfit. Jisu dares to peek at them. They’re paused at the vending machine several meters away, and they’re not looking at her, thankfully.
“No, what was it?” The other one says. She’s Minha, Jisu recognizes now.
“It was so fucking ugly, it was like some fuckass band tee layered with a striped shirt. Like who is she cosplaying, an emo Christmas elf with a felony?” Jeongin laughs at her own joke.
Minha snickers. “I hate her so much. She’s such a loser.”
Jisu wracks her brain. What other Jisu is there in their major? Jisu… ?? No one comes to mind. It’s just. Her. Plus her vintage Hot Topic band tee, hidden under her hoodie now, is the smoking gun she can’t explain away.
“Ugh, she is the worst, so stuck up for no reason,” Jeongin gushes.
Jisu’s blood is ice. Stuck up?
“Who does she think she is?”
“She literally walks around like she’s better than us, and she doesn’t even try to make friends.”
The vending machine drops the drink with a loud bang.
“Because she can’t. It’s really sad. She’s just an uptight prude who can’t get anyone to like her.”
Jisu feels like she might actually throw up. All over the floor. Her heart is pounding.
Minha grabs the drink from the slot in the vending machine.
“You know those two big guys who are always escorting her around like guard dogs?” Jeongin asks.
They start walking towards Jisu, and Jisu begins walking the same direction, so she doesn’t have to face them head-on.
“Yeah, of course.”
“Jungwon told me that she 'gets loose' with them at home.”
“Whaaaat?”
Minha cracks open her drink.
“Yeah. Imagine—“
“No, I mean, I thought they were like, siblings.”
Jisu stops dead in her tracks. Her mouth is incredibly dry. They two girls pass Jisu and Jeongin cracks up.
“Omigod, imagine they were. She acts so prudish, but she’s actually a whore for her brothers?” She dissolves into giggles again.
Jisu is numb, the only sensation in her body is the hot sting of tears as they rush down her cheeks. The rest of their conversation is drowned out by the rush of blood in her ears—or maybe they left? Jisu can’t see anything, just red.
Minha and Jeongin’s words echo around and around, banging against the sides of her skull.
Loose. Prude. Loser. Whore?
Her carefully built fortress, the walls built brick by brick through scrupulous, painstaking image control, are crashing down. Their words are smashing through the castle walls like cannons.
Everything that she had done for her most precious of possessions, her reputation, had been for nothing. Worse, it seems to have had the opposite effect.
But that can’t be. How could they find fault with Jisu’s public persona? Her outward presentation was flawless, carefully calculated after years and years of concentration—years of studying. Noticing.
How can she have miscalculated so gravely?
Bile rises in her throat. She’s never even done anything. Never had a boyfriend, or girlfriend, for that matter. But they called her loose.
She has been so vigilant. So watchful, of everyone, and yet—
Jisu eventually finds herself outside, walking vaguely towards home. She knows what street she lives on, but Chan and Bin are always there to tell her exactly which way to go. Jisu cringes at the thought of her best friends. A whore for her brothers? Jisu’s throat tightens painfully, an ache pulsing at the back of her trachea.
She swallows the lump in her throat and keeps walking.
There’s no way she’s calling Changbin for a ride right now. Not when apparently everyone thinks they escort her around. She’s perfectly able to get to and from class by herself.
Not a minute passes before Changbin pulls up on the road beside Jisu.
She bursts into tears at the sight of him.
He throws the car into park and jumps out, rushing to Jisu’s side.
“Hey, hey, what’s wrong? Are you safe?”
Jisu’s ribs hurt. Her diaphragm aches. Something seismic inside of her is ripped open, like a rift in her solid ground.
But Changbin is there, like he always is. And he’s solid, he’s fair. He’s the foundation that Jisu can cling to, while hers is nothing but smoking rubble.
He shelters her into the car, buckles her seatbelt for her, and drives her home, speeding, but safely.
Jisu bends at the waist and hugs her knees, trying desperately to soften the ache of the gaping hole inside of her.
When Jisu comes to, she’s on the sofa, surrounded by warm blankets and fluffy pillows.
She blinks slowly, and her eyes feel puffy. She doesn’t remember crying. She doesn’t remember passing out, for that matter.
Chan pads into the room silently, and sets a steaming mug on the coffee table near her head.
“How did you know I was awake?” Jisu asks. Her voice sounds weird; too thin and strained.
“Oh, you’re awake?” Chan replies with another question, his voice all care and gentleness. “How are you feeling?” He sits down on the floor beside her and rubs her arm. His hand is large and warm.
“Where’s Binnie Oppa?”
“He wouldn’t stop pacing around while you were sleeping so I sent him to the gym to let out some of that energy.”
She nodded. He does that sometimes.
“Am I a whore?”
“What?!” The gentleness is replaced with outrage.
“Just tell me.”
“Why are you asking me that?”
“Just— Oppa, be honest. Is it the way I dress? The way I act?”
“No, Jisu, Jesus Christ, no. You’re an angel, you got that?” His voice is wrought with emotion, and Jisu believes him. That doesn’t stop her eyes from stinging with tears.
Chan squeezes her arm gently, slowly squeezing downward until he reaches her hand. He wraps up her hand in his. “Will you please tell me why you’re asking? Is it related to why Changbin found you crying on a random side street three blocks away from home?”
“Oh, he told you?”
“Of course, bug.” Chan puts his head in her lap. It’s warm, too.
“Am I a prude then?”
Chan’s head whips up. “Who said all this shit? Do we need to beat someone up?”
Jisu feels her face crumple in despair. “I am, aren’t I? I never date anyone.” It’s like she’s back on the lonely street again, and everything inside of her rushes back to the surface. She takes a gasping breath, diaphragm stuttering and lungs aching. “Everyone can tell, can’t they? They think I’m stuck up.”
Chan is shaking his head, but he says nothing. He merely wipes the tears from her cheeks and thumbs at her forehead, trying to unknot her eyebrows.
“I tried… so hard,” Jisu says. An overwhelming sense of self-pity brings her to silence.
Chan squeezes her hand once and gets up.
“I’m calling Changbin. Drink your tea, love bug.”
Jisu sniffles and sips the fragrant steaming stuff. The hot liquid helps to soothe her more than she expected; her stomach settles down and she feels like she can breathe again. Of course Chan would have just what she needed. Jisu holds the mug under her eyes to steam the skin, hoping to avoid excessive puffiness. It would be terrible if her classmates tomorrow guess that she was crying today.
Changbin bursts into the room, visibly sweaty and panting. He’s wearing his gym clothes, and Jisu feels bad about interrupting his workout.
She turns her wet eyes to Changbin. He looks at her for one second.
“So who are we killing?” Changbin asks.
“She won’t tell me, maybe she’ll tell you,” Chan says.
“Oppa, stop it! Don’t kill anyone. Just. Tell me.” She takes a deep breath. “Am I stuck up?”
Changbin draws his head back in confusion. He shakes his head, saying, “No, of course not. You’re classy.”
“Demure,” Chan interjects.
“Mysterious,” Changbin continues.
“Did someone say that?” Chan asks, more demanding this time. He’s incessant, like a blood hound on the trail.
Jisu ignores the question again. “But it’s true that I don’t get around.”
Changbin throws his backpack on the ground, perhaps a little too forcefully.
“You don’t—“ He takes a deep breath as though trying to calm himself. “Why do you care all of a sudden?”
Jisu’s lower lip trembles. She doesn’t want to be crying about this. She wants to tell Chan and Changbin this funny story about what these two girls in class said about her in the hallway today. She wants them to laugh about it together and dismiss it like it’s nothing.
But she does care. She clearly cares very, very much. And it’s easy for Bin to act like he doesn’t care what people think. He’s got some bottomless well of self-assuredness that he always seems to be able to draw from.
Jisu can only bring herself to whisper. Chan and Changbin both drop to the floor, leaning close to hear her.
“It was Minha and Jeongin. I heard them talking about me.”
She doesn’t feel the need to repeat everything they said. The comments about her clothes were too hurtful, and she can’t summon the words to describe what they were implying about Chan and Changbin.
Luckily, they seem to get the gist, connecting the small bit of truth to Jisu’s sudden questions and tears.
Changbin sounds genuinely confused when he says, “Who?”
“Don’t listen to them, Jisu,” Chan says.
“You don’t honestly believe you’re stuck up, do you? Just because two girls said so?” Changbin tries to reason with her.
“But I—“ Jisu’s words get stuck in her throat. How does she explain that she intended for people to see her as clean, well-behaved, and, yes, virginal. But not a stuck-up prude. She had been so focused on not being a slut that she had swung too far in the other direction.
“They think I can’t make friends. Or date.” Jisu says.
“Why, because you dress nicely and stick to yourself?” Chan says. He’s raising his voice, and it’s scaring Jisu, though she knows it’s not directed at her.
“And they said my clothes are ugly.”
“They are not!” Changbin interjects.
“Maybe if I got a boyfriend or wore cuter clothes…”
“You have cute clothes, I’ve been in your closet—” Changbin says.
“You don’t want that kind of attention, bug.” Chan says, with an air of finality.
Attention. Interesting.
Changbin nods. “Plus, I think you could date if you wanted to.”
Chan shoots him a look.
“But you don’t, right?” Chan asks Jisu pointedly.
Jisu nods.
But it’s a lie. She wants to.
⛓⛓ ࣪ › binnie ˖ ° ⛓⛓
Jisu sniffles, gets up, and gives herself a small shake. He and Chan look up at her from where they are, still on their knees.
“Thanks,” she says. She bends down to pat them both on the head.
And with that, she goes to her room and shuts the door behind her.
Chan looks at Changbin, bewilderment scrawled across his face.
“I think you could date if you wanted to?” Chan hisses. “What the hell was that?”
“It’s true!”
Chan puts his palm up in sarcastic confusion. “And?”
“Chill out, bro. She doesn’t want to. You heard her—or—saw her, or whatever,” he whispers back.
He doesn’t mention how her little nod had plucked up and crushed whatever pikman-sized hope that may or may not have been planted somewhere deep in his heart, or maybe nestled between his second and third rib. That particular little sprout is another one of those things that Jisu doesn’t know about.
He barely acknowledges it himself. Because what’s the point of hoping when you’re fine with the way things are? And protecting Jisu is the priority for his life. Always has been. There’s not much room in there for addressing other feelings.
“Look, whatever those—” Chan stops himself from saying a bad word (Changbin can tell because he glues his lips shut and cocks his head in a very specific, very Chan-like way), “girls said about her clearly was a big deal.”
Changbin nods. He’s not sure what to do about it. Violence is usually his first reaction, but hitting a woman is against his moral code. He’s at an impasse.
“And we have a responsibility to protect her from harm,” he continues. He drops his hand on Changbin’s shoulder and squeezes gently. “We have to do something.”
Changbin looks up at him. He can see his own pain and confusion reflected in Chan’s eyes.
“I’ll keep an eye on her.”
Chan nods. He brings his hand to Changbin’s neck and pulls them closer until their foreheads touch.
“For her,” he whispers.
“For her.” Changbin agrees.
꧁ཐི༺♱jisu♱༻ཋྀ꧂
It was simple, really. The decision. Everyone hated her. If people hated her, she had to do something different to make them love her. And if they thought she was loose no matter how tightly she buttoned up, what was the point of any of it? Why was she hiding herself?
Jisu looks at her puffy face in the mirror. She has so much to give to the world. She’s pretty. She loves her body. She has so many cute clothes. If they wanted outgoing, attractive, slutty Jisu, they could have her. If that would get people to change their minds…
And if she made enough friends at school, she might even be able to get revenge on nasty Minha and Jeongin. It could be just like Mean Girls. Jisu could make everyone love her, steal the power, get hit on by all the hot guys, have everything she wants…
Whoops, she’s getting ahead of herself.
Jisu plops down on her bean bag chair and grabs her laptop. If she’s going to execute this right, she’s going to need to devise a plan.
Project: Love Jisu
Step 1: Dress up for school, including hair and makeup. (At least one body part should be bare.)
Step 2: Make outside friends.
Step 3: Go out with new friends to the clubs.
Step 4: Do stuff with someone hot.
Step 5: Make Minha and Jeongin eat their words.
Jisu rereads her plan. It seems foolproof. She looks to her closet. She has—well, she thought she had—plenty of cute clothes to wear to school. But now that she looks at them, most of her bottoms are baggy. And if vintage band tees are too controversial, well, she’ll have to do some shopping.
She runs through her bathroom cabinet in her head. She’s got most of the basic makeup, but she’ll need something more… special if she’s going to pull this off. Especially if she’s going to go clubbing.
A buzz settles over her when she imagines the club. It’ll be dark, music pumping, people are going to stare in awe when they see Jisu.
And Step 4 will definitely require some intense grooming. She’s a full bush kinda gal, so she’ll have to learn about hair control down there.
Never mind that she’s still on Step 1 of her master plan. She is going to do a full weekend of shopping to prepare for the execution of Project: Love Jisu.
Making the list comes just as easy as the initial decision. When she’s done, she’s got approximately forty-two items to buy to transform herself into a certified baddie.
Jisu shuts her laptop and goes to bed, tears and drama long forgotten.
꧁ཐི༺♱jisu♱༻ཋྀ꧂
Changbin’s eyes go round behind his chunky black (vanity) glasses when he sees Jisu exiting the store.
“How much more…?” He trails off.
He’s already carrying about ten bags from various stores, and Jisu is still not done with this shopping spree.
Jisu hands him her most recent spoils, kisses him on the cheek, does an about face, and walks away.
The final destination on her list is Victoria’s Secret. She’s been trying to work up the courage to go in for the past hour, but whenever she walks by and sees the half-naked women on the advertisements, she chickens out.
Don’t get it twisted. Jisu loves half-naked women. It’s just that she’s struggling to recognize herself in those images. Jisu isn’t a push-up bra kind of girl. She’s good. Classy. She doesn’t want people to see her cleavage. Jisu pulls at the fabric of her shirt, suddenly feeling slightly sweaty.
That’s the old Jisu talking, she tells herself.
She glances back to see Changbin still following her through the mall. He probably could have planned the most efficient route through the mall and been done shopping by now, but he wasn’t walking back and forth past Victoria’s Secret like Jisu was.
Enough. What must be done, must be done. Jisu steels herself, prays that nobody she knows will be inside, and steps through the red and pink gates.
Everywhere she looks, boobies are staring back at her. Boobs in red bras, boobs in pink bras, boobs in black sheer lace bras—wait, those are kind of cute.
She fingers through the lush pile of fabric laid out on the counter like spoils of war. They feel nice on her hand. They’d probably feel nice on her body too.
She glances up and makes eye contact with an employee on the other side of the counter.
“Those are so adorable, right? Can I help you find anything today?”
Hmm. Adorable isn’t what she’s going for.
“I’m looking for push-up bras, actually.” Jisu says. She looks directly into her eyes to prove (to who?) that she’s not embarrassed or afraid.
“I got you! Come with me,” she says, waving for Jisu to follow.
The employee points to the different bras as they walk along the side wall towards the back of the store. “We have three types of push-up bras. The Body by Victoria series offers a subtle, natural lift without adding a lot of padding. The So Obsessed line will give you a lot more volume, but it’s still natural.” They slow as they reach the back wall of the store. The bras here look more serious. “And the most popular type is our Bombshell. It’ll give you two extra cup sizes and maximum lift.”
Jisu looks up at the wall of bras. They’re so fancy. And objectively slutty.
“I want that one.” Jisu says bluntly.
She asks Jisu what size she is, but Jisu doesn’t know. She usually gets XS or S and hopes for the best. All of her bras are either soft cupless things or sports bras.
It turns out they do sizings for free, which is how Jisu ends up in the dressing room, topless, with the nice attendant pulling her arms up and down and wrapping a tape measure around her ribs and her breasts.
After some calculation, the woman leaves Jisu in the dressing room and promises to be right back with some bras that will fit.
Jisu looks at herself in the mirror. She’s wearing her favorite pair of bell-bottom jeans that hug her ass cheeks just right. The tight red top she picked out this morning lays discarded on the bench beside her. Her outfit today was her best approximation at something sexy using only what she already had in her closet. With the berry red lip tint and the big hoop earrings, she thinks she might have pulled something off. Maybe not quite slutty, but it was… different.
She thinks Changbin noticed it was different, if his frequent glances and not-so-subtle up-downs told her anything.
Where is Changbin, anyway?
“Oppa?” She calls out tentatively.
“I’m right here,” is his soft reply.
“It’s cold in here,” she says, not really complaining; it was just an observation. The skin on her back prickles as her hair stands on end. She wraps her arms around her ribs to conserve warmth.
The employee knocks on the door and comes in one more time to hand Jisu the bras she picked out.
She tries each of the bras on and considers how her breasts look, pushed up and together like that. Jisu is touched when among the pile of bras, she spots the sheer black bra that she originally gravitated to when she first came in the store.
She likes most of them, and she’ll probably get all of them, but she isn’t sure about the colors of the two-tone push-up bra. There’s one that's purple and pink, and one that’s black and pink.
“Oppa?” Jisu calls again.
“I’m still here,” Changbin replies.
“I can’t decide on which one to get.” Jisu puts her hand to the doorknob and gathers the courage to open it. “Will you help me choose?”
“Just get both!” Changbin’s voice rises several pitches. Subtle, but not subtle enough.
Something is pushing her to do this, though. She doesn’t know if it’s Changbin’s unwavering honesty or something else, but she just wants him to decide for her.
And more than she has words to express, she wants Changbin to see her. It’s vital.
Jisu pushes on the handle and hears the lock unlatch. For the second time today, she squares her shoulders and steels herself.
Opening the door just a fraction, she peeks her head out of the dressing room. Changbin is surprisingly close, and when he sees her he rushes to stand right in front of the door.
"Jisu-yah, what if someone sees?"
She meets his gaze, and something defiant in her rushes up behind her cheeks.
"Is there someone else out there?"
He looks to the left. Jisu knows there's no one else.
"Just— Can I come in, instead?"
"No!" Jisu says. "The workers would think we're fooling around."
She's not patient enough for this. It's a simple thing. Ask him for his opinion. Buy the bras. And leave.
Jisu opens the door.
Changbin's eyes dart down once. Twice. Three times.
She beams.
Her breasts aren’t even particularly large. She’s sure Changbin has seen bigger before. But his eyes on her—his inability to keep them off of her—brings her satisfaction. Call it reckless or brave, but Jisu loves the attention.
"So there's this one," she says pointedly, and his eyes unwillingly make contact with hers as she speaks. "I like the pink lace, but I'm not sure about the purple color of the bra."
She turns to the side and looks at the mirror. She sees Changbin's eyes gravitate to her chest again, now that he thinks she isn't watching. Her heart is thumping so hard under her flesh that the thin skin revealed above the pink lace might be visibly thrumming.
"But they also have it in black," she continues. "The lace is the same color, and I don't know. I think it might pop better."
"Pop?" Changbin repeats dumbly.
"Yeah," she says. She turns back to face him, and he snaps his mouth shut and his eyes to hers once more.
"Yeah… popping is good," he says.
"So I should get the black one?"
"Yeah," he says, drawing out the 'y' as though he's making the decision on the spot.
"Okay, I'm gonna get both," Jisu says, and shuts the door.
She takes a deep breath. Now that she's alone, she lets her hands tremble as she removes the bra and puts her little red top back on.
What a rush! She's never done anything like that before. Even when she goes to the beach, she wears a rash guard if she has to get in the water, and shapeless, baggy clothes whenever possible.
Her hands glance over her breasts as she smooths her shirt down. That might actually be the first time anyone has seen her boobs. She looks at her own face. She's blushing, but in a flattering way. The redness on her chest stops around her collar bones, mostly hidden behind her hair. And her ears are completely hidden. They must be carmine red, but nobody has to know. Her cheeks have a faint flush, slightly emphasized by the color of her shirt and lip gloss.
A sense of pride washes over Jisu. The slut era has officially begun.
Changbin seems tense. He shut the radio off even though Jisu likes that song, and he isn’t saying much. She can see him biting his cuticle incessantly out of the corner of her eye.
After she paid for the bras, they left the mall without stopping for bubble tea or pretzels or even a lemonade like they usually do.
One thing about Changbin is that he always speaks up when he needs to. If there’s something upsetting him, or something not right with the situation, he doesn’t hesitate long before bringing it to light. Jisu knows she doesn’t have to ask. It’ll come out soon enough.
As if on cue, Changbin blurts out, “What’s gotten into you?”
“Nothing.” Jisu looks at him for half a second, but she can’t hold his gaze.
He shoots her a '‘get real’ expression. “First of all, the other day I found you lost, wandering the streets and crying.”
Jisu says nothing.
“Since when do you walk home without letting me or Chan know?”
“I can get home by myself just fine,” she grumbles. “I don’t need you to escort me everywhere.”
He looks at her sharply.
“Second, you’re wearing,” he gestures in her direction with a flat, open palm. “That.”
“This is a cute outfit!” She protests.
“It is!” He’s quick to agree. “But it’s not very Jisu! At least not the Jisu I knew.”
That stings. Jisu crosses her arms and looks down. “Nothing is wrong.”
“Jisu.”
“Maybe the Jisu you knew wasn’t the real Jisu. I’m just being me.”
“Are you?” He sounds mad.
Jisu doesn’t reply.
“And just now—what was that?”
“What?” She asks, although she knows what.
“You know what,” he says. “This is about what those girls said, isn’t it?”
“No,” she’s quick to deny. “I’m just… finally growing up. I’ve always had these clothes, I was just too shy to wear them.”
“Shy?” He flicks the blinker on and changes lanes effortlessly. “You’re not shy. You’ve never been shy,” he says.
Jisu feels translucent. He’s seeing through her skin and reading the writing on her walls. It’s too real. Too straight for her liking. He knows her so well, but he’s being too real. She’s not ready to admit to anything he’s accusing her of.
She pushes her lips together in a small little pout. “I don’t know why you’re being so harsh today…”
“I’m sorry, I got freaked out when you opened the dressing room door in public half-naked.” He doesn’t sound sorry, though. He’s still worked up.
“It’s the bra store. I think it’s pretty normal to be wearing bras in the bra store,” she retorts.
“You know that’s not what I meant.”
“Well you don’t have to be mean about it,” she pouts again.
Changbin softens. He drops his hands from where they were gripping the steering wheel and lets his shoulders relax.
“I’m sorry,” he says, sincerity finally creeping into his voice. “That was intense. I’m sorry.”
He flicks on his blinker to exit the highway, and grabs her hand where it sits in her lap. It’s warm.
Jisu feels a mixture of vindication and guilt. Changbin was really observant. He was kind of hitting the nail on the head. It was weird to show Changbin herself in only a bra. Asking his advice was the flimsiest of excuses. But she had felt incredible in the moment. His eyes glued to her body, and she didn’t feel like hiding herself—not a bit of the crushing shame that the old Jisu would have felt. She felt transformed in that moment, and it gave her the reassurance that she could do this.
But Changbin had noticed, of course. Of course he noticed her clothes and her behavior. And while Jisu was pleased to have his attention on her body, she wasn’t so keen on his acute attention to the reasons behind her newfound sluttiness.
So she denied it. Deny, deny, deny. It’s not exactly lying. It’s withholding the truth. But the guilt it caused covered up any satisfaction she felt in ending the conversation on top. It was almost like manipulation…
Whatever. Changbin will get used to the new Jisu. And when her plan succeeds, she’ll be the most popular girl in the whole university. He’ll probably be grateful to have such a valuable and socially connected woman as his best friend!
Changbin pulls the car into a drive through, and Jisu sees it’s the cinnamon roll place she loves.
“Yay!” She exclaims, all her guilt and musings evaporating like fine mist.
“The usual?” He asks.
She grins back. “Yep.”
⛓⛓ ࣪ › binnie ˖ ° ⛓⛓
Since that day at the mall, Jisu has been even worse. Last week, Changbin would have said that maybe she had a crush on a guy from school. Maybe she was wearing eyeliner and lip gloss to try and make herself pretty for him. (Maybe Changbin was resisting the urge to follow her to class and then take the guy to a deserted hallway and politely ask him to drop the class.)
But things have… escalated.
He didn’t realize that would be possible when the start of the week included her showing him her boobs in the Victoria’s Secret dressing room. But he vacillates between ‘that never happened’ and ‘that was the greatest moment in my entire existence, I will think about it while I jack off for the rest of my life.’
Jisu wore what can only be described as ‘a strip of fabric’ as a top (is it still called a bra if it’s worn as a shirt?) and an equally tiny skirt on Monday. The saving grace was that she layered it with Changbin’s varsity jacket, which bulked up her otherwise obscene combo and gave it enough modesty for Changbin to let the growl die in his throat.
After dropping her off at school, he jerked off in the shower (which is completely normal for a healthy adult male, and not related to Jisu wearing his varsity jacket at all) and he was able to make it through the rest of the day with minimal distractions. (He only thought about the dressing room incident a couple of times.)
On Tuesday, she wore a see-through white dress with frills and a slit that went all the way up to her hip layered over some jeans. The dress was loose and low-cut, so she had on another black scrap-that-shouldn’t-qualify-as-a-top as a top underneath, and the thinnest of white cardigans to cover her arms.
It wasn’t related, but he did have another weird, stubborn exercise-induced boner that he had to rush to the bathroom to straighten out in the middle of his work out. That’s happened a few times recently. It was just random, though.
On Wednesday, Changbin did a double take when she came out of her room. He hadn’t seen her in a pleated skirt like that since picture day in high school, and she paired it with a plain white button up and a white sweater vest and an oversized blazer. He checked the date on his phone—no, not Halloween yet. This was just… her outfit. The worst part was when she sat on the couch and pulled something flimsy and black from her jacket pocket and began rolling sheer thigh-high stockings up her bare legs.
His boner actually made a thump on the kitchen cabinet when he saw that. He quickly went to the sink and splashed water on his face and subtly punched himself in the balls to try and get his boner to go away.
He had to drive her to campus that day, so he came back out to get his shoes on, and went momentarily blind when he saw Jisu bending over to fit her shoes on her stockinged feet. Surely he didn’t get a flash of her panties as she wobbled on one foot. Surely not.
On a completely unrelated note, Changbin no longer needed to look at porn when he masturbated. He just went to his room as soon as he got home from dropping Jisu off, and bam! Dripping, hard cock turned soft and spent in less than 3 minutes! As for what his brain was doing during those 3 minutes, he did not store that in any part of his memory. It was like lost data.
He did have a Jisu file in his memory, though. He liked to think of his brain like a hard drive. He learned in his Comp Sci for Business class that computer drives are partitioned for better memory storage and access. So he partitions his brain into the main categories: Work, Hobbies, Chan, and Jisu.
And Thursday was a day for the Jisu file. Her outfit wasn’t even that bad—a blue cropped sweater with khaki high-waisted shorts. Changbin was honestly relieved when he saw her. He heard Chan sigh with relief behind him too.
“I’ll be at the cafe ‘til around six,” she said, pulling on her white converse by the door.
“Okay, study bug. Study hard,” Chan said.
The cafe was just down the road, so she usually went on foot since he and Chan both had work on Thursdays.
“Ah! My hair. Has anyone seen my scrunchie? The green one,” she said, looking around the coffee table and the couch.
He went to go help her look. Chan shut off the stove and followed close behind. Changbin knelt down to look between the couch cushions, but no dice. Chan sat on the floor and started flipping through the small piles of mail and other things on the coffee table. Then Changbin laid all the way down and checked under the sofa.
“Found it!” He called, stretching his arm through the dust bunnies to retrieve the silk green scrunchie.
Jisu hopped over to him. He held it up to her from where he laid and she took it, said thank you, and pulled her arms over her head to gather up her hair.
It wasn’t Changbin’s fault. He was on the floor, and Jisu was right above him, and her arms—she lifted them up, and the sweater was so short, and his eyes didn’t even intentionally go there.
But the part of his brain that stored Jisu-related information had a mini meltdown when she lifted her arms and the petite swell of her breasts peeked out below the hem of her sweater.
Changbin didn’t have any thoughts or analysis to add to that moment. He was frozen, thankfully boner-down on the floor, a captive audience unable to look away. Chan was beside him, silently watching it unfold. Every time she smoothed the sides of her hair back, her shirt pulled up and her breasts shifted gently.
And then she was done. She reached down and patted him on the head, said, “Thank you Binnie Oppa, bye Channie Oppa!” and walked out the door.
Changbin lowered his head and pressed his face into the carpet. Jisu’s boobs were still there when he closed his eyes. It was just looping over and over. They looked so… soft.
Chan cleared his throat beside him. Changbin had the fleeting thought that he was glad Chan had been there to see it, too. Else he would have no choice but to assume he drank a hallucinogen-laced protein smoothie this morning. Wait, Chan had seen it too, right?
“That was…” Chan said.
He had seen it then. It was really real.
Chan stood up, saying, “I’m gonna go take a shower.”
Changbin grunted into the carpet, not bothering to look up. He was sure Chan would be hobbling away, attempting to hide his own raging boner. He didn’t point out that Chan had literally just gotten out of the shower and had left half-cooked eggs sitting in a frying pan on the stove.
Once he heard Chan shut and lock the bathroom door, Changbin pushed himself up off the floor and went to his bedroom. He didn’t even bother with taking his pants off or getting comfortable. He just stood, back against his own door, with his pants shoved down under his balls, and jacked off. He didn’t even care that the carpet would get cum on it.
And he tried. He really tried. But there was no way to stop his brain from playing and replaying the memory as he fervently stroked his cock. He shut his eyes and tried to think about anything else—anime girls, big-boobed milfs, gay sex—literally anything else. When that didn’t work, he opened his eyes and stared at his own dick.
The thought of rubbing his cock on Jisu’s soft breasts popped into his head. He imagined what it would look like—her creamy flesh against his dick—the memory of seeing her boobs in the dressing room danced through his mind. He thought about how they would feel on the sensitive underside of his cock head after he pulled back his foreskin. And then he came. Hard. And his carpet did indeed get cum on it. He rubbed his socked foot over the small mess and then felt disgusted and ripped the sock off his foot.
He waited, sitting against his door, until he heard Chan return to cooking his eggs in the kitchen. He didn’t acknowledge him as he walked through the apartment to get to the bathroom.
Under the hot water, washing away the sweat and slimy residue of what he had just done, he felt that a Rubicon had been crossed. Something breached in their little trio.
But he had to log in to work, and so did Chan, and Jisu was oblivious, so he had no recourse but to just keep going on as though nothing had happened.
That day in the car, it had been really easy to call out Jisu for being strange—he had been flustered and activated by the stunt in the dressing room. It had been her fault, and he was an honest and blunt person, so it’d been easy to clock it. Whatever it was that she was doing, she refused to tell him what or why.
But now Changbin had a secret, too. If he confronted Jisu, she would demand to know why he cared so much. Jisu, you can’t wear those clothes.—Why not?—Because I get hard and have to jack off and when I’m jacking off I can’t stop thinking about you.—Eww that’s weird Oppa, don’t do that, I hate you, you freak. Yeah, pretty much. That’s how that conversation would go.
So Jisu has gotten worse. But Changbin doesn’t have any power over her, though he wishes desperately that he did. He wants to hoard her, keep her safe, love her, and never let anyone else see what he saw that day on the floor of their living room. But for now, he just has to cope.
꧁ཐི༺♱jisu♱༻ཋྀ꧂
She’s hanging out on a window bench at the student union, pretending to read while she monitors everyone’s reaction to her presence. Her position is perfectly crafted, fine-tuned to get maximum attention while looking like she doesn’t have a care in the world.
That’s important. Jisu has always been a practitioner of exuding not giving a fuck. But Jisu has considered recently that maybe the old Jisu really didn’t give a fuck. Maybe that’s why she wore baggy jeans and hoodies to class. But she’s a new woman. Now she picks out each item with care, adorns herself with them, and tweaks the look until it’s perfectly flashy.
Then she’ll perch herself somewhere visible and bask in the attention.
People can't hide their stares as well as they used to be able to. She notices when people’s eyes linger on her body. She sees them try not to look but wind up helpless. She sees the people who don’t give a fuck and openly stare. It feels powerful. It feels good.
Today, she’s wearing baggy track pants with a matching ultra-tight compression top. They’re both black with white ribbing detail, and her shoes are white with black accents. The top is perfectly scrunchy around her waist and the baggy pants sit perfectly on her hips, leaving a sizeable span of honey skin exposed. Her hair is pulled up into a messy ponytail and her baby hairs frame her face perfectly. She went with simple makeup this morning—nothing that would detract from the sporty-sexy vibe she’s carefully curated.
Her posture is slouchy, hunched over her book as though she’s immersed in whatever she’s reading. She does actually like this book, but she prefers to read in the comfort of her own bed. One knee up near her head and the other hanging loose over the edge of the windowsill creates the perfect silhouette.
She peeks up from between the pages of her book demurely and spots—who’s this? Another fan?
It's a cute boy! As he approaches her, she notices that he sucks his lower lip between his teeth and slowly lets it out—a tick, perhaps?
“I love your pants,” the boy says confidently.
See? Jisu’s efforts are already paying off. Everyone was too afraid to approach the old Jisu.
“Thanks,” she says coolly.
“Where did you get them?”
“Uh...” Jisu thinks back to her trip to the mall. She went to so many places that she genuinely doesn't remember. “They're from the mall,” she says.
It's at this moment when Jisu recognizes him. The loud guy from the cafe. Of course he would be here. She doesn't know how she didn't recognize him when he first approached her. Maybe his bare face and low-key beanie made him look more…normal. She gives him a small smile.
“Right,” he says, and his voice cracks a little on the ‘i,’ not in a pubescent way but in a vocal tick type of way. “Anyway I just wanted to say I love your style. Would you like to hang out sometime?”
Jisu remembers how she judged him back at the cafe. In general, she judged him when she saw him on campus. His stained lips, well-groomed eyebrows with a slit. The sunglasses on the bridge of his nose when it wasn’t even sunny. She had pegged him as a hopelessly fake idgafer: someone who tries really, really hard and makes it really, really obvious.
But he’s exactly the type of friend who could launch her slut era into action—and fast. He’s popular, dates around, and he dances, so he probably knows all the good spots for going out.
She smiles at him—wider this time. “Sure.”
She agrees to give him her number so they can make plans. Which, aside from everything else, is exciting. Nobody’s ever asked for her number before. She feels like a kid again, being asked to play on the playground; that weightless elation that only comes from being wanted by other people.
As she types in her number, she can’t help but think that this might be her ticket to success. And as she looks up into his eyes when she’s done, she can’t help but notice that he’s really not bad looking at all. Even without all that showy makeup.
“Your name is Jisu?” He asks.
She nods.
“Cool. I’m Hyunjin.”
꧁ཐི༺♱jisu♱༻ཋྀ꧂
The next weekend, Jisu is almost out the door when Chan stops her.
“Woah, woah, woah. Where are you going all dressed up?” His tone isn’t exactly accusatory, but it’s got a hint of tension. “It’s almost Fortnite time.”
They have time set aside each week to play squads. Unluckily for them, Hyunjin wanted to go shopping during that window. And for the record, she’s not ‘all dressed up.’ She’s wearing jean shorts with tights, a white off-the-shoulder sweater, and Converse—a very chill shopping outfit that still meets her slut criteria in a low-key way.
She turns to face him. He looks like a dog about to be left at the kennel.
“Sorry, Oppa. I have plans.”
“Oh…” is all he says.
“I made a new friend,” she keeps explaining. She can’t bear the sad puppy look on his face.
“Who?”
“His name is Hyunjin. We’re going shopping. And he’s bringing his friend Seungmin. So I might have two friends!” She beams.
“That’s really good, Jisu.” He plasters a smile on his face to cover his disappointment, but Jisu can tell that there’s a little something genuine behind the fake cheer. Chan really cares about her. He’ll understand missing Fortnite time for this.
She hops over to him, on tip-toe because she’s wearing outside shoes indoors, and gives him a little hug good-bye. “Be back later.”
“Wait, do you need a ride?” He calls after her. “I can text Changbin!”
“I’m good!” She shouts, and shuts the door behind her.
Her friends are waiting for her in the parking lot. She can’t stop giggling in the backseat when Hyunjin and Seungmin start bickering over what song to play. It feels like she’s finally executing the plan as intended.
Seungmin is really nice. She’s asking Jisu about her major and her classes, and she seems genuinely interested in getting to know her. Jisu knows that she’s supposed to return the favor, but Seungmin’s questions are incessant. And Jisu indulges her, basking in the attention for a little bit.
When she can finally get a word in, she asks, “What’s your major?”
Seungmin sighs deeply. “Applied psychology. I know, it’s a drag.”
“No it’s not, that sounds really interesting!” Jisu says. “It’s unexpected.”
“What do you mean?” Seungmin asks.
“I don’t know why, but I pegged you as a liberal arts type of person. Like a history major or something.”
“Oh?” Seungmin sounds baffled.
“Actually, I do know why. It’s because we had history of film together last year.”
Seungmin gasps. “What? I took that last spring! With Professor Drones.” His name was Jones, but he was always a bit monotone. It was kind of a mean nickname.
“Yeah.”
“Tuesdays one to three?”
Jisu doesn’t know why she’s confirming the details. They were in the same class. “Yeah. That was you, right?”
“Yeah, I was there,” Seungmin says, uncertainty lacing her voice. “I just don’t remember you being there.”
Ouch. It stings that Seungmin didn’t even notice her, let alone form a positive opinion about her.
“Oh.” Jisu’s voice sounds annoying, and she hates it. “Well I remember you.” You always dressed like a slut.
Jisu tries to think of the bright side. This is just proof on top of proof that being a prude gets you nowhere in life, and that her master plan is working. Just one week of having her boobs out at school and she’s already got guys asking her out and girlfriends and shopping trips. She thought people would praise her for her modesty. But there’s no shame in admitting she was dead wrong. People just seem to like slutty Jisu better.
“But what a coincidence that we met again and became friends anyway!” Seungmin says, looping her arm through Jisu’s amicably. She didn’t seem to notice her disappointment.
“So there’s this Halloween party next weekend, I’m going with Hyunjin,” Seungmin continues.
“She’s forcing me to go,” he interjects.
“Shut up, you wanted me to force you to go. Anyway, it’s a costume party, and we’re going to go in matching costumes. Which is why we need to go shopping today. I’m thinking… something slutty.”
Jisu almost chokes on her spit.
“Slutty?” Jisu can’t believe Seungmin is just, openly talking about being slutty. On purpose. Is that normal?
“Yeah. Will you help me find something? I want to start at the thrift store, they always have good costume fodder.”
Jisu lets Seungmin tug on her arm and drag her into the nearest shop.
To her surprise, Seungmin beelines for the children’s clothing.
Seeing Jisu’s confused expression, Seungmin explains. “All the best stuff is in the little boy section.”
That doesn’t really explain anything, so Jisu just says, “Huh?”
She starts pushing through the racks of athletic wear. “The little boy shirts make for the best slutty tops.”
Jisu feels light headed—she can’t believe she’s getting slut tips from the slutty slut herself. All the same, she makes a mental note of it, and starts browsing through the racks to find pieces for her own wardrobe.
“Oooh, what about this?” Seungmin holds up a tiny soccer jersey. “I think if I can find matching shorts this will be perfect.”
Jisu can only imagine what that shirt will look like on Seungmin’s body. She makes an effort to showcase her curves on a daily basis, so Jisu feels like she has a good idea of the size of her chest. The shirt she’s holding (and waving above her head to signal to Hyunjin) is absolutely going to stretch taught over her breasts. She almost certainly will have to cut slits in the arm holes to make it fit. And it’s not long enough to cover her whole torso. Jisu loses focus when the mental image of Seungmin’s exposed tummy pops into her mind.
It’s kind of hot in this store. Seungmin pulls her to the next aisle to try to find soccer shorts that match. Jisu finds a pair, and holds them up for Seungmin to see.
“Yes! Those are perfect!” She says, snatching them from Jisu’s hands. She smiles radiantly, and Jisu notices how pretty her mouth and teeth are. They’re so straight. “I could kiss you!”
And at that, she spins around to find the dressing room. Jisu tries to subtly fan her neck to cool off the sudden blush blooming up from her chest. She sometimes hates how easily she blushes. It’s probably the whole virgin thing. Once she executes Step 4 of the plan, she’ll stop blushing at every mention of kissing. She’ll be cool, popular, loved, slutty Jisu.
She busies herself with looking through the little boy clothes again, and finds a couple cute graphic tees that will make for good crop tops. She also finds an old hoodie that has some rips on the front that will show off one of her new bras in a perfectly ‘accidentally’ slutty type of way.
That’s another thing that she has learned in the past week. Sluts don’t get cold. The weather is irrelevant when you’ve got great boobs and a cute butt to show off. The hoodie is actually on the warmer side of all the slutty clothes she’s got, holes included.
“Jisu-yah!” Seungmin calls from the corner of the store. “I’m done; come look!”
Jisu rushes back and nearly trips over her own feet when she sees Seungmin’s outfit. Everything Jisu imagined about her slutty waist has come to life in front of her eyes. In fact, it is better than she had expected. The fabric scrunches up around her ribs where the shirt is clearly not big enough to sit naturally on her hips. And her chest is nearly bursting out of the shirt.
“How is it?” She does a little twirl.
Jisu tries to put her eyeballs back into her skull. “Good,” she chokes out.
“I have knee-high socks and some old cleats at home. Is it really good?” Seungmin asks.
Jisu reassures her and they bring the stuff to the front to check out. Hyunjin is finishing up, and they move on to the next store together.
Overall, Jisu has fun. She likes her new friends. And they promise to get coffee together on campus later in the week.
Jisu has to go home, though. So she says her goodbyes and hops on the bus. She might be able to squeeze in a few rounds with Chan and Bin if the traffic is good.
When she walks in the door holding the treats she brought for them, they aren’t even playing Fortnite. They’re just sitting on the couch. Literally looking like they’re doing nothing. Changbin has his hands folded nicely on his lap and is looking at the blank, black TV screen. Chan is picking at his fingernails and biting his cuticles.
Jisu cuts through the silence. “What the hell are you two doing, it looks like a horror game in here! Turn on the TV, let’s play!”
Chan looks up at her and gives her a flattish smile that vaguely looks like Squirtle. “Okay, honey. Did you have fun?”
“Yeah! I brought you bubble tea.” She holds out the bag.
Changbin lets her squish him to the side so she can fit in between her two boys.
The vibes in the room are still a bit stuffy as the game loads silently. Jisu looks from Chan to Changbin and wonders what the hell they were doing while she was gone.
“You could have started playing without me,” she says.
“Who is this Hyunjin?” Changbin asks, ignoring Jisu’s comment.
“He’s my friend,” she begins.
“Since when?” He asks.
Jisu whips her head to the right to look at him. What is his problem? “Since this week. He’s really cool. He’s studying dance.”
“I see.”
Chan decides to join the conversation. “I’m glad you made a new friend. What about the other friend, Seungmin?”
Jisu appreciates his friendly tone. “She’s cool too! I helped her pick out a costume for a party.”
“Where did you meet them?” Changbin interrupts.
“Uh, the student union? I guess. I actually knew Seungmin from a class last year. It’s a silly story.”
Jisu can almost feel the pinpricks of the needles under her ass as she sits between the two of them.
She’s saved by the bell (by Fortnite.) It finally loads in, they play their fill, and they finish the week with a tradition that rings a bit hollow for Jisu, but she tries her best to ignore it.
꧁ཐི༺♱jisu♱༻ཋྀ꧂
It’s an unseasonably warm day in November, and Jisu is laying on a blanket in the middle of the quad, sunning her sad, pale chest and midriff while garnering attention from her peers.
Well, Jisu likes her sad, pale chest. It’s dotted with dark brown freckles like a fresh tortilla. But she wants to get a bit of a glow before her next class so she can enter with cheeks rosy and chest flushed. She thinks it will look nice against the black lace bralette and sheer white button up she selected for today.
Her new game is to see how big she can get Chan’s eyes when she exits her room each morning. She noticed that he started looking at her clothes somewhere between Step 1 and Step 2 of the plan. It’s satisfying, for Jisu, to know ahead of time that her outfits will be turning heads at school. And she reckons the eye bulge is proportional to the sluttiness, which will be proportional to the approval of her peers.
She doesn’t overdo it, though. She’s still incredibly low-key. Like today, for example. She picked a small skirt so she balanced it out with a big top. And the skirt and shoes are casual; ripped jean skirt and some old sneakers, which balance out the formality of the button up. She applied sheer red lip gloss this morning, and it contrasted well with her effortlessly-messy-yet-perfect curls as she walked out the door.
Yes, she thinks she’s got a hold of the right balance of sluttiness. It’s no surprise, since Jisu was always interested in fashion. And years and years of judging other girl’s slutty clothes has given her a surprisingly large catalogue of options in her head. But she pats herself on the back for today. She may be outdoing herself with her own sun-kissed skin as an accessory.
“Jisu-yah!” A high-pitched squeal peals out across the quad.
Jisu cracks open her eyes to see a girl bounding toward her like a puppy.
“Hi!” She shouts back at Seungmin.
Seungmin is dragging that beautiful blonde boy—the same one from the cafe, if Jisu is not mistaken, by the hand towards her blanket.
“I love your outfit Jisu!” Seungmin says, breathless.
Jisu glances down. “Oh this?” She smiles up at her. “It’s nothing,” she says, waving her hand nonchalantly.
“Hey, I don’t think we’ve met, I’m Felix,” the blonde boy says. But of course she knew that. From the cafe. He reaches out and gives Jisu a soft handshake. His hand is cool and delicate. It feels strange to be straddling that age where handshakes go from awkward to standard.
“I’m Jisu.” She tries not to show her shyness. She’s still not used to having strangers approach her to befriend her.
She looks to Seungmin. “How was the party last weekend?”
“It was so amazing, Hyunjin and I looked sooo good. Here, let me show you a picture.”
Jisu happily obliges. She wasn’t kidding, they did look amazing in their mismatched but complementary soccer costumes.
“We were going for like, a heated rivalry concept. So we were from different teams—enemies on the field, lovers on the down low. It was so fun.”
She swipes right and there’s a picture of her and Hyunjin kissing at the party. Jisu tries to keep her face from reacting. That’s nice. Hyunjin is cute, but Jisu wasn’t seriously interested in him. It was just nice that he asked her for her number the other day. In retrospect, bringing Seungmin along to their shopping date kind of made sense now.
Seungmin returns to Felix’s side and grasps his hand again. Before Jisu can react to that, Seungmin says, “Hey there’s another party this weekend! No costumes this time, it’s a sapphic gathering.”
Jisu cocks her head to the right.
“It’s okay if you don’t want to go, but they’re really cool—it’s a bunch of lesbians and bisexuals and just basically a church of divine feminine energy...”
Jisu feels blush hot on her neck. Thank god the sun was already giving her a natural flush. How does Seungmin know she likes girls? Jisu isn’t even sure herself anymore. She’s such a virgin; what if it’s not the same in real life? Of course everything seems sexy when it’s in her head.
“When is it?” Jisu asks nonchalantly, fiddling with her shoelace string to avoid eye contact with her friend.
“Friday night! I’ll pick you up—please come! I can’t bring this one,” she wiggles the arm that’s holding Felix’s hand. “Or Hyunjin. No boys allowed. It’ll be fun!”
The old Jisu would never go to a sapphic gathering. For fear of people seeing her, knowing her; judging her. But this is Operation: Love Jisu. She has to do everything the old Jisu would never do. So far, everything has gone well. The slutty clothes are a smash hit. She got new friends right away, and they’re potentially even sluttier than Jisu could have imagined. Perfect friends to guide her in this new stage of her life. It’s time to do Step 3 of the plan: Go out with new friends to the clubs.
And maybe, just maybe, she will get to do Step 4 with someone at the party. Her pulse thrums under her flush, warm skin.
“I’ll go.”
꧁ཐི༺♱jisu♱༻ཋྀ꧂
Jisu rushed home from the cafe today. She was so preoccupied with the party that she could barely focus on her studies. Even a double shot mocha with extra whip couldn’t contain her excitement. On second thought, that probably made it worse.
She came home early to get ready. Tonight is the first time she will go out as a slut. Actually, it’s the first time ever. She only recently turned twenty-one, and she never had a fake ID or anything like that. Chan and Changbin took her out for drinks on her birthday, but it was a chill place. Based on what Seungmin said, Jisu is expecting a crazy club with strippers and dancers and body shots.
So the first thing she does when she gets home is take a long-long shower. She wants every pore on her body to be soaked and steamed. With the shower just shy of scalding, she runs a razor over her skin. Jisu was blessed to have relatively soft and fine hair on her arms and legs, but she needs some major construction on her bush.
When it’s shaved into a pretty little leaf shape above her slit, and the random hairs around her groin are all banished, she steps out of the shower. She slathers her skin with vanilla marshmallow body serum, and once she’s feeling plump and oiled like a pig for roasting, she slips into her special outfit she chose for tonight.
It’s a gray mini dress with a strappy open back that makes her shoulders look amazing. No bra because it’d show, but she wears ordinary black panties—no need to go crazy since it’s already a short hem. She’s wearing her hair down long and straight, and accessorizes with silver and black jewelry. The highlight piece is a thick black wristlet that might actually be made from a real dog collar. She puts on black leg warmers and pushes them down around her mid-calf. She’s going to wear her black converse to finish the look.
When Jisu looks in the mirror on the back of her door, she’s pleased with the outfit. It shows off her toned legs and the little bit of sun she got on her chest the other day.
How would other people perceive it? Does it look effortless enough? Does it say, ‘Jisu?’ She feels scared when she imagines how tonight might go. People will probably ask her to dance. She might even get pulled up in front of everyone to dance with a dancer. On the dance floor, a hot lesbian will come up behind her, and whisper into her ear—Don’t look back, honey, just keep moving those hips like you are. And Jisu will push back into her, and close her eyes and turn her head, and their lips—
Jisu finds herself back in her bathroom. She smears an exfoliating mask over her lips. There’s no way she’s going to be crusty for her first kiss.
She does her eyeliner while it soaks in. It’s low-key, dark brown smudged messily with a thin line of black at her lash line. Then she scrubs her lips until the entire top layer of skin is washing down the drain.
Jisu bought a handful of lip tints and glosses at the mall the other week. She fingers through them and selects a light pink lip oil. It’ll be better to have something she can reapply, and it’s also a good flirting tool.
Sitting at the bar, talking to a beautiful woman—I love your lip gloss!—Thank you, it’s actually an oil.—Then she’ll reapply it slowly, and when the girl is hooked on the visual of the oil glistening on her lips—Want to try it? It smells amazing.—She’ll hand the wand to the girl, and after she swabs it over her lips, Jisu will tut-tut—Aw, there’s not enough, here, let me give you more—and she’ll lean in, and their lips will glide together softly—
Jisu’s phone buzzes. Seungmin’s here. She checks herself in the mirror one more time, smacks her lips, and heads out the door.
Seungmin is waiting in the parking lot in her little coupe. Just as Jisu is about to get to her car, she hears footsteps running up behind her.
“Jisu-yah,” Changbin pants.
She turns to face him.
His eyes trail down her body and back up again. “Where are you going?”
“It’s the party I told you about. With Seungmin.”
His lips pulled into a tight, flat smile. “Oh, cool. Cool, cool, cool. Can I meet her?” He bends down and peers through the tinted window of Seungmin’s coupe.
The window rolls down, and Seungmin throws a greeting through the opening.
Changbin gives her a half-salute half-wave. He stands up straight and faces Jisu.
“I just wanted to meet the person—the girl who’s getting you out of the house on a Friday night,” he says with a tense chuckle.
Jisu smiles back at him. “Okay. Well. Bye Oppa. I’m gonna go now.” And she moves to get in the car.
“Wait!”
She pauses.
“Your skin is already pimpling up and it’s not even eight. Take this,” he says, and he pulls his leather jacket off and holds it out to her.
Jisu takes the jacket from his hands. It’s still warm.
He stands there in his tank top and watches as Seungmin pulls out of the lot.
She turns to her friend. “Sorry about that,” Jisu begins.
“No, no it’s fine. Hyunjin is the same way sometimes.”
Jisu wonders again what exactly the nature of their relationship is. They wore matching costumes to a party last weekend and even kissed, but it might have been just for the photo? And then she was holding hands with Felix on the quad the other day. It honestly would be in-character for her to kiss her friends or hold hands with other guys while she has a boyfriend. She’s such a slut; Jisu can’t wait to learn from the goddess herself.
“Does this jacket ruin my outfit?” Jisu pulls at the collar. She specifically picked out this outfit for tonight, and she worries that the jacket is messing with the vibe.
Seungmin glances her way. “No! It’s cute. Plus you can leave it in the car. It’ll be hot in the club.”
Seungmin grasps Jisu’s hand as she leads her down the stairs and through the dingy basement door into the hot, humid club. Her hand is soft and neither warm nor cold. She wonders idly if her hand feels rough to Seungmin.
Jisu feels her breath compress in her chest when she steps into the grimy, thumping club. It’s dark but there’s flashing lights, and the music is so loud her ears can’t even process the sound. No matter where Jisu looks, there are hot girls—a lot of hot girls. Hordes of them.
She feels like the baby hairs on her arms can sense the vibration of each beat of the pop song blasting on the sound system. Seungmin snakes through the tightly packed sweaty crowd, never dropping Jisu’s hand.
They arrive at the bar and Seungmin buys her a shot of tequila to start the night. Throwing back the liquor, Jisu relishes the burn as it slides down her throat. The effect is almost instantaneous for her. She feels warm and happy and buzzy and she can’t help but look at the lips of the other girls at the bar. Who will be the one?
Jisu reapplies her lip oil and gets another drink.
She follows Seungmin around most of the night, but she enjoys meeting Seungmin’s girlfriends. They all compliment something about Jisu’s outfit or hair or makeup, and Jisu guzzles up their attention almost as fast as she guzzles the drinks in her hand.
Jisu especially enjoys the—what was it that Seungmin called it?—divine feminine energy exuding from the place. There’s not a single man in the room, not even the staff, to fuck up the vibes.
There are, however, lots of gay couples dancing, kissing, and talking. Jisu’s glad to have Seungmin by her side, but it’s not the same. It’s not like she’s on a date with Seungmin. (She’s not on a date with Seungmin, is she?)
Jisu severely overestimated the number of people available to kiss her tonight. She drinks and reapplies her lip oil, ever optimistic.
One girl talks to Jisu at the bar, and Jisu feels herself distracted, leaning in, tipsy—but then the girl mentions her boyfriend. Jisu thought she was coming on to her, but maybe people here are all just friendly? Where are all the other horny singles in her area?
Later, Seungmin takes her to the dance floor. They join a few of Seungmin’s friends and dance their hearts out somewhere in the knot of the damp crowd. She feels all eyes on her from every direction. She smiles and shakes her shoulders, closing her eyes and soaking in the attention. Suddenly, she feels a warm body behind hers.
A thrill runs through her body. Just as she expected—she’s irresistible. Her hot lesbian is here to kiss her! She’s never felt more sexy than right in this moment. She turns around, ready to embrace the girl who was brave enough to approach her—the girl balks.
She takes a step back and slurs out, “Oh-my god, I-amso s-sorry, I thought-you were my f-riend.”
She’s pretty, and Jisu believes in fate, so she says, “we can be friends too,” with a little smirk.
The girl gives her a confused look and a doubly confused laugh. “Ok-ay, I’mgonna gof-ind my friend.”
And she disappears into the crowd just as quickly as she appeared.
That one stings a bit. Pretty girls at the bar who have a boyfriend or cute couples who came to the club to do PDA are one thing. They probably would kiss Jisu, it’s just that they can’t. But this girl was basically grinding on Jisu thinking she was her friend. So clearly she can grind with her friends. Just not Jisu.
She doesn’t want to spoil the night, though, so she does her best to shake it off. She pulls Seungmin into a hug to speak directly into her ear.
“I’m going to the bathroom!” She kind of has to shout even with her lips nearly pressing into the shell of Seungmin’s ear.
“Do you want me to come with you?” Seungmin shouts back.
“No, it’s fine! I’ll be right back!”
Jisu tries talking to the girl beside her in line for the toilet, but she looks confused and replies in Russian (and Jisu doesn’t speak Russian, if that wasn’t obvious). Jisu has definitely seen movies where people kiss without speaking first, but it’s usually in the thick of it, caught up in the lights and the music. Not in a grimy hallway waiting for the club bathroom. It would be just her luck that the only girl she actually had the courage to approach doesn’t even share her language.
Oh well. Jisu keeps to herself until she gets through the bathroom line. Talking up one girl in line is normal. Making a habit out of it (especially with the intention of kissing someone) is plain creepy.
Jisu doesn’t feel much like dancing when she comes back, so she kind of sticks to the edge of the crowd and watches Seungmin dance. She’s jumping up and down to an energetic drum and bass song and she looks like she doesn’t have a single care in the universe. Jisu waits for Seungmin to look around and find her in the crowd, but Seungmin doesn’t seem to be aware of anyone else when she’s out there with her friends.
Hm. Strange.
Seungmin calls a driver to drive them home because she ended up drinking. They flop, all giggles, into the tiny back seat of her little coupe and they don’t bother with seat belts. Jisu is laughing along with Seungmin, but she’s not fully there.
There’s a small headache forming somewhere in her brain, behind the part that’s still a little bit dizzy, and the streets feel unnaturally bright given that it’s 3 o’clock in the morning. She grips the bottle of lip oil in her pocket, feeling the squarish edges dig into the meaty parts of her palm.
“Oh my gosh, that was so much fun,” Seungmin says when her giggles finally subside.
“Yeah,” Jisu flashes her a small smile. “Thanks for bringing me.”
“Really?” Seungmin reaches for her hand. “Did you really have fun?”
“Yeah.”
“Jisu-yah,” she whispers.
Jisu turns to look at her. Her eyebrows are knitted together and something dark and semi-molten is swirling in her eyes. She bites her full bottom lip. “What’s wrong?”
She doesn’t know if it’s the tequila or the bubble of air that’s making the top of her head feel floaty or if something in Seungmin’s eyes melts her—or maybe it’s just that Jisu is different now, almost as if attending class in half a state of undress made the rest of her less inhibited—but she surprisingly doesn’t mind telling Seungmin.
“I wanted to kiss someone tonight.”
Jisu watches as her friend’s face goes through stages—from confusion, to shock, to suspicion, to acceptance.
“Who?”
“I don’t know. Nobody in particular. Anyone.”
“Oh.”
Her eyes are so big, so brown. They’re getting bigger—she’s getting closer. And the lights are soaring past Jisu’s peripheral vision and there’s a repetitive dark-glow-dark from the street lights and she feels dizzy. The smell of the pine-scented air freshener in Seungmin’s car tickles a memory that Jisu can’t place. The car is going too fast and she feels her eyes crossing, so she focuses on Seungmin’s eyes. She has such pretty eyes. Pretty everything, actually.
Jisu leans in. It’s too late to put her lip oil on, so she licks them instead and her eyes are fluttering, about to shut, but then the driver swerves and honks and the car jerks them both, and they turn to see what happened and the moment is gone.
Jisu looks out her window again. She resigns. Tonight would not be the night she has her first kiss.
They get back to Seungmin’s house without any more road rage and Seungmin takes her up the stairs. Neither of them are really drunk anymore, but it’s nice to have someone to hold on to. Jisu appreciates the press of her body against hers in the chilly dawn air.
Seungmin gives her clothes and offers to let her shower first, while she makes something for them to eat before bed.
For the second time in 12 hours, Jisu finds herself in the shower. She normally avoids showering as much as possible, and the last thing she wants to do right now is keep her eyes open for any further period of time, but the hot water quickly washes away the last of the drunkenness and the stink from the club. Her eye makeup pulls off between her fingers and it goes down the drain. It feels good to be just Jisu again, but she feels so sad. All of that effort, that expectation—for nothing. She pulls on Seungmin’s pajamas, silk things covered with little cartoon puppies.
Jisu pads into the kitchen, trailing little drips behind her, and the tiles are cold on her bare feet. Seungmin hands her a bowl of kimchi fried rice with grilled spam, and Jisu finally feels like she’s going to live.
“So why did you want to kiss someone so badly tonight?” Seungmin doesn’t waste any time beating around the bush. She’s kind of like Chan in that way, Jisu notices.
Jisu is embarrassed. It’s not surprising that Seungmin doesn’t know she’s a complete virgin. She said herself that she doesn’t remember her from class last year. So of course she doesn’t know that Jisu was a prude up until two weeks ago.
“I used to be…” Jisu searches for the right words. “Kind of different.”
“How so?”
“Like, well,” she hesitates.
It’s fine. Seungmin is nice. Slutty and nice. Just what Jisu wants in a best friend. And best friends are supposed to know you. So no more secrets.
“Like a prude, I guess.”
“Really?” Seungmin’s eyes flit down Jisu’s body curled up in the chair where she sits and her eyebrows crinkle. “But you’re so…”
Jisu blinks.
“Open,” she finishes lamely.
“It’s not without great effort,” Jisu says. “I’m kind of in a… slut era right now.”
Seungmin’s eyebrows raise again. “So you wanted to let loose and kiss some girls? Like as a fad or something?”
“No!” Jisu can’t bear for Seungmin to misunderstand. “No, I— I definitely like girls. Like for real. I mean I think. I’m pretty sure.”
“So… why would kissing someone in a club be a slut era?”
Jisu digs her spoon into the fried rice and prepares a big bite. “I just wanted to kiss someone. That’s all.” And she stuffs her cheeks full.
Her distraction works.
Seungmin reaches toward Jisu’s cheeks and makes squishing gestures while making gibberish baby noises.
Jisu pushes all of the food into her cheeks so she can use her tongue to speak, but her words are still garbled when she says, “What?”
(She knows what.)
“Your cheeks are just so cute!” Seungmin squeals.
Jisu smiles and chews her food slowly. “I’m tired. I feel like I’m going to fall asleep in this rice. By the way, it’s delicious.”
“Oh this? It’s nothing!”
“Where did you get the kimchi?”
“We make it.”
Jisu looks around. She would have sworn Seungmin lives alone. “Who’s we?”
“Me and Felix and Hyunjin.”
“Oh, that’s cool!”
“You should make it with us! Kimjang is in a few weeks!”
“Oh! I miss making Kimchi with my mom. I always used to dread kimjang but now I miss it.”
Seungmin doesn’t ask what happened to her mom, and Jisu is fine with not explaining.
She finishes the late-night meal with relish. It’s even tastier knowing her friends made the ingredients.
Her friends. She still can’t quite believe her plan is actually working.
They go to bed as soon as Seungmin showers. Seungmin’s bed is comfortable and smells like lavender and static-charged laundry fresh from the drier. She curls up in the warmth of Seungmin’s side and sleeps a dreamless sleep.
⛓⛓ ࣪ › binnie ˖ ° ⛓⛓
Changbin is staring at the little bubble with Jisu’s cute bug-eyed pouting face that marks her current location on the map. The bubble is pulsing, indicating that the location is live, but it’s frozen in one place—the same place it’s been since around 4 a.m.
It’s 8 a.m. now.
Chan went to sleep once her bubble settled in the residential neighborhood that they could only assume was Seungmin’s house.
Changbin doesn’t know how he was able to sleep not knowing for sure. What if it was a guys house? What if he kidnapped her? Why hadn’t she texted him back?
He was trying so hard to be good. To sit and stay and not follow Jisu everywhere she goes. But she’s clearly in the middle of some sort of rebellious phase and he doesn’t know how much longer he can bear her antics. It’s like she’s collecting all of his care and time and effort that he’s spent to keep her safe over the past fifteen years and throwing them up over her head like confetti and running away while he’s distracted by her boobs.
He can’t wait anymore. He calls her one more time. It goes to voicemail. He gets his keys and leaves.
The navigation leads him directly to Jisu’s location, but unfortunately it’s a small apartment, and he has no clue which unit she’s in. Oh well. He’s ready and more than willing to knock on every single door until he finds Jisu.
He starts at the ground floor and systematically confirms that Jisu is not with the grumpy old couple, nor is she with the young girl who says through the locked door that her family is not home and she isn’t supposed to open the door for strangers.
The second floor is equally vexing, although Changbin makes a mental note to come back to 202 because the guy in there looked like the type of creep who would kidnap a pretty girl like Jisu. If he can’t find her, that asshole will be the first person on his list.
On the third floor, it occurs to him that maybe he should have looked for Seungmin’s car in the parking lot, because that would at least confirm that Jisu is with her friend. Not a moment later, he finds several packages on the floor and begins inspecting the names. Kim Seungmin. Bingo.
He pounds on the door for probably three minutes before signs of life appear.
“Fuck off, I’m sleeping!” Seungmin shouts through the door.
“Jisu-yah, can you hear me?” He doesn’t stop pounding on the door. “Jisu-yah!”
“Stop pounding on the door you psycho!” Seungmin shouts back.
He pauses for two and a half seconds and when Jisu doesn’t come out he resumes his pounding.
Less than a minute later, the door opens a crack, interrupting him mid-shout.
“Jisu—! Oh. Jisu, thank goodness you’re safe, are you okay? What happened, why weren’t you answering, I was so worried, we both were, we were going crazy, Jisu wh—”
“I’m fine,” she grunts, and turns away.
Changbin can tell she is about to let the door fall shut on his face, but he isn’t going to give up that easily. He sneaks his arm between the door and the frame, and pushes the door open to let himself in as Jisu walks away.
“Hey!”
She stops. And turns slowly.
Whereas her eyes were puffy and barely open before, she fixes him now with a gaze full of quiet rage. The juxtaposition of her glare with her cartoon dog pajamas would be almost funny if he wasn’t scared that she might finally achieve telekinesis and make him blow up on the spot.
“What are you doing here?”
“I’m here to—” save you, he doesn’t finish his sentence. As he looks around at Seungmin’s very normal, very nice, sunny little apartment, he realizes he doesn’t know why he came. She clearly doesn’t need saving.
“—pick you up.”
“I’m still sleeping,” she says, crossing her arms defiantly. “And I don’t need a ride,” she adds.
“Jisu, don’t—”
“No, you don’t! What the fuck, Binnie?” She shouts.
“You weren’t answering my calls!”
“Like Seungmin said. We’re sleeping. Why were you even calling me?”
Changbin threw his arms up in frustration. “You didn’t text me at all the entire night.”
“And?” She asks furiously.
“And—” He searches for the right thing to say. “And you went to the club! How am I supposed to sleep if you’re out where you could get hurt?”
“Sleep? Are you saying you look like shit because you didn’t even go to sleep last night?” She laughs but it’s all bite, humorless.
Changbin feels conviction that he was doing the right thing. “What if a guy drugged you and kidnapped you?—”
“It was a lesbian party, you dumb ass.”
“—Or what if you went home with the wrong person?” He continues without addressing the lesbian comment.
“Well. I’m not a stupid little girl, despite what you seem to think.” She turns away again, but Changbin isn’t done.
“Stop this nonsense! Just come home with me now. I’m already here.”
She whips around. “No! You're completely overreacting. I’m going to go back to bed. With Seungmin,” she emphasizes. “A nice girl who’s my friend who isn’t creepy and didn’t kidnap me.”
Changbin scoffs. “How was I supposed to know that, if you don’t text me back?”
“Trust me,” she says, something burning behind her eyes. “Or at least act like you do, even though you clearly don’t.”
And that makes it all come crashing down. He’s back on that sidewalk, telling her she can’t be spider girl because she’s too weak. He swooped in to fight the bad guys for her and he thought he was doing the right thing. Good intentions and all that.
He feels so stupid. He did overreact. Jisu was fine. And now Seungmin probably thinks he’s crazy, and Jisu doesn’t want him here. He’s so stupid.
She continues. “How did you even find me? Were you stalking my location?”
He can’t look into her eyes as she scolds him. It’s too shameful.
“If you’re going to show up at my friend’s house and bang on the door like a psycho every time I go out, I’m going to stop sharing my location with you.”
He looks up at her, pleading with his eyes. She couldn’t. She wouldn’t. He needs to be able to keep her safe.
“I’m sorry,” he whispers. His voice can’t cut through the shame burning at the back of his throat.
“Yeah, well.” She says sarcastically. “If you’re sorry, just go home and never do this to me. Ever again.”
She leaves the room and Changbin is left there, at the entrance to Seungmin’s apartment. The sting of rejection is bitter in his belly, and he has no choice but to turn tail and slink home.
꧁ཐི༺♱jisu♱༻ཋྀ꧂
Things were tense in the Jisu-Channie-Binnie household the week following the big Binnie blow up. Jisu spent the entire rest of the weekend holed up in her room. She didn’t feel like apologizing for how she snapped at him because she knew she was right.
She also recognized that he was acting in what he thought were her best interests. So she felt guilty for leaving the club without telling him that she was with Seungmin, but also angry because he completely overreacted, and things were just awkward at her house after she told him to leave.
Walking into her own house after that fight was the most uncomfortable thing she’s done so far during the slut era.
She went to class like normal on Monday. Chan gave her a ride. She didn’t ask why and nobody tried to give any sort of excuse; it was obvious why Changbin didn’t want to do it.
She tried not to get her feelings hurt about it. After all, if she wants things to be normal, she should simply apologize.
Binnie has been walking around with his tail between his legs like a puppy who tore up the couch cushions while his owner was gone. At first Jisu doesn’t think that’s a bad thing. That he has some shame is the only bearable part of the whole ordeal.
The next weekend when she goes out to the clubs with Felix and Seungmin, she makes sure to share her location when they arrive at the club and again when they get back to Seungmin’s house. She doesn’t add anything to the message, but she hopes the gesture means something to him. It’s some kind of weird unspoken peace offering, maybe. Hopefully.
Jisu can defend her actions any way she likes. But the truth is that she would rather he still care about where she goes, still be that line of defense—her Oppa, her Binnie. She doesn’t want to lose him.
So each time she goes out to the bars, she sends her location to Binnie.
And each morning, Chan drives her to school.
It goes on like that for nearly two weeks. It's not that she dislikes spending time with Channie. On the contrary; his presence each morning is a great comfort to Jisu.
It's just that Binnie is supposed to drive her. That's their routine. And this disruption was only tolerable when she was still peeved with him.
The satisfaction of seeing him slink around the house in shame has no more zest to it, it just makes Jisu feel guilty and sad.
“Is Binnie ever going to forgive me?” She asks Chan one morning.
The mid-November wind nips at her cheeks as they walk to the car. She doesn't look at Chan when she speaks; her eyes are glued to the carpet of yellow ginkgo leaves littering the path.
“Binnie isn't mad at you, bug.”
They reach his car and Chan holds the door open for her.
He asks, “Why would you think he was?”
Jisu shrugs as she buckles her seat belt.
When Chan gets in his side, she asks, “Why isn't he driving me to school?”
Chan pauses before he starts the car. He thinks for several seconds before saying, “I wont speak for him on that. Why don't you ask him?”
“I barely ever see him anymore,” she pouts. “I mean he literally avoids me. He's avoiding me!”
Chan fixes her with a sad, knowing gaze.
“What’s that look!” She says, panic rising in her voice. “Is he avoiding me for real?”
She was holding on to the flimsiest whim that she might be imagining it, but when Chan—smart, sensitive, empathetic Chan—looks at her like that, all hope dissipates.
“I—” she feels like her voice might crack, expose the lump at the back of her throat. She schools her voice with a deep breath. “What am I supposed to do? I didn't even—”
Chan grasps her hand. She’s wearing mittens and she wishes she weren’t; she wants to feel his skin on hers.
“I didn’t overreact,” she insists. “He’s the one who did something wrong.” She doesn’t sound very convincing, though. “I didn’t ask him to do this… to stop being my friend.”
Chan just pats her hand and nods. He’s always been the best listener—he doesn’t interrupt her or try to solve her problems without her asking.
“What should I do? I still need him.”
“Maybe he needs to hear that from you, little bug.”
She nods.
“Let’s go to school for now. If you want me to call a house meeting tonight, I will. Or you can call one yourself, yeah?”
That sounds good to Jisu.
“Alright. Let’s review the house meeting rules one time before we begin,” Chan says with authority.
Jisu would normally roll her eyes at that but the tension in her belly has her nodding and paying extra attention as he goes through the expectations.
“…and above all else, assume the best intentions.”
Changbin and Jisu both nod in agreement.
It’s silent for several beats.
“The floor is open for any thoughts or feelings or even apologies. Who would like to begin?”
Jisu is looking at the carpet, trying to think of anything to say when suddenly, Changbin says, “Jisu, I’m sorry for freaking out and following you to Seungmin’s apartment.”
She nods. That’s not everything so she’s waiting for the rest.
“And pounding on the door like a psycho and waking up you and your friend,” he continues when she doesn’t open her mouth to reply.
Her lips pull into a tight half-smile.
“And… avoiding you afterwards.”
She looks up at him, satisfied that he covered all the main points. His eyes are burning again, and Jisu can feel the intensity of his apology. She knows he means it—he’s never fake.
Jisu doesn’t think she was to blame for how he acted, but one of Chan’s rules is that usually both parties should apologize for something. “I’m sorry for worrying you.”
She wont apologize for living her life, though. Full execution of the plan is the only way to ensure its efficacy. And she’s in too deep to give up now.
“Good, does everyone accept the apologies?” Chan asks. When they both agree, he continues. “Now what can we do as a team to make sure this kind of misunderstanding doesn’t happen again?”
“I’m sharing my location to Binnie whenever I go out. And I text him when we get back home after the clubs.”
“Good,” Chan says. He looks to Changbin.
“I’m going to simply keep an eye on Jisu’s location instead of using it to follow her, and respect her agency to socialize with her friends safely.”
“Good!”
Jisu looks up hopefully. Could it be over already? Could it be that easy?
“Now let’s address the more important problem.”
Of course not. It’s Chan.
“After the incident, there was a lot of tip-toeing and face-hiding in this house. When we have a conflict, we need to be more open and talkative than ever. I’m more than willing to make regular house meetings a requirement. And I’m also willing to facilitate more open communication between all parties in the case that you two butt heads again.”
Jisu hopes that a conflict of this magnitude never ever happens again. But it would be nice for Chan to step in if it does. He’s their leader, their older brother, and their guiding light.
He goes on. “Above all, I’m willing to talk about solutions that we are all comfortable with. Just say the word, I’m at your service. Is there anything you want to say now that we’ve opened up this line of communication?”
“Do you want to go first, Jisu?” Changbin asks.
“No, you go Oppa.”
She does her best to look at him as he speaks.
“After you told me off in your friend’s kitchen, I realized that I was an asshole for underestimating you. And I realized I probably hurt your feelings when I acted like you were a damsel in distress who needed a big man to come save you. It wasn’t right, and I was so ashamed of making you feel small that I just wanted to avoid you altogether. Which isn’t right either. I don’t know what I was thinking. I feel terrible about it. I was so harsh and you didn't deserve that. And the longer it went on, the harder it was to say something. I'm sorry.”
Jisu steels her lower lip; she can’t start crying already. “When you kept avoiding me, I thought that you were mad at me because I was too harsh on you. And I thought that maybe you stopped caring about where I was or who I went out with. That’s why I didn’t turn off my location. The truth is that it makes me feel safer when I go out, knowing you’re watching my bubble. I don’t know why I freaked out so much when you told me that, and I'm sorry for yelling at you and threatening you.”
Chan nods thoughtfully, but doesn’t interrupt. Always the best listener.
“And I just feel really blessed to have you both. And blessed…” She sniffles (but she isn’t crying, definitely not crying!) and gets the rest out in one breath. “To have found such kind and strong and sweet and funny big brothers. I was so sad when we weren’t speaking. Please let’s never do that again.”
Changbin bursts into tears which has Jisu and Chan following right after, big fat tears spilling down each of their cheeks.
After that, a new status quo is established. The slut era is still very much in effect. Jisu still dresses up for school—tight shirts and short skirts. She goes to the clubs with her new friends almost every chance she gets, sometimes even on school nights. And she still skips Saturday Fortnite with the boys. But Binnie is back to his normal hilarious self and Jisu finally feels like she can take a full breath. The first half of fall passes by in a blur of high skies, plump horses, and neon lights.
꧁ཐི༺♱jisu♱༻ཋྀ꧂
Traveling to the countryside was not what Jisu expected when Seungmin invited her to kimjang. But as it turns out, when she said ‘we,’ she meant Hyunjin, Felix, Seungmin, Seungmin’s granny, and all of her granny’s neighborhood friends.
It’s not a long drive to the rural village. Jisu likes road trips, especially with her friends. She wants to stop for pretzels and lemonade like she always does with Chan and Bin, but Hyunjin says they don’t have time, so they drive straight through.
The village where Seungmin’s granny lives is quaint. Every building is only one story, nothing like the dense, medium-tall buildings that are concentrated in the city. There’s not an apartment block or skyscraper in sight. Nothing but overcast sky for miles—thick and thin clouds overlapping leave only splotches of light blue here and there. The trees have lost most of their fall foliage, leaving only the patchy dark green of pine trees and yellow-gray slabs of stone jutting out of the mountains that surround the horizon.
On either side of the one-lane paved road, motley patches cover the landscape like an uneven quilt. There are strips of green in rice patties where the crop was left to seed for the cows and magpies, abutting neat squares full of the flaxen leaves of long-dead summer crops and untidy patches of rich brown soil.
Farming season is coming to a close. Kimjang marks the start of the long, cold winter in the countryside. Kimchi is an essential source of vitamins and nutrients that are otherwise absent without the bounty of fresh vegetables that spring, summer, and fall bring to the farmers who live so far from large grocery stores.
It’s beautiful, comforting, and picturesque. Nothing like Jisu’s grandma’s house. She hasn’t been there since long before the Dark Days. Kimjang with her mom was always done in her grandma’s high-rise apartment, using cabbage and red pepper paste bought from the big box grocery store.
Seungmin’s granny welcomes them into her little house. Its made of cement and the floors are old pine planks and the ondol heating gives the place a nice natural aroma. She gives them all flowery stretchy pants and rubber boots to wear, and then she puts them to work right away on rinsing and brining the cabbage.
The late-November air is bitingly cold, especially with the water that splashes onto their clothes as they wash each leaf of the cabbage in big tubs of water.
It’s just the four of them working out back of the house, and all the grannies are busy carting the other ingredients around at the front and preparing the paste inside. It doesn’t seem like anyone could overhear them, so they talk freely about drama and gossip and whatever else comes up.
At one point, Hyunjin throws a head of cabbage at Seungmin for making a degrading joke. They all laugh, and she squeals, ‘babe!’ and then Felix hugs her and pets her hair, saying, ‘don’t worry honey, I’ll protect you.’ Jisu sits there dumbly and watches the scene unfold. Seungmin grabs Felix and pushes him towards Hyunjin, who catches him in his arms, and then they make googly eyes and kissy sounds at each other and they all laugh a second time.
Jisu once again wonders what the hell their relationship is. All four of them are going to be spending the night in the same room, on a large mat in one of the two tiny bedrooms in this tiny house. Jisu thinks that she’d rather just sleep with Seungmin, but Seungmin might be sleeping with her boyfriend, whoever that is.
Or maybe Seungmin really is just a slut who kisses her two best friends who also happen to be in a gay relationship. Regardless, the last thing Jisu wants to do is accidentally get in the way of whatever weird relationship dynamic they all seem to have.
They lug the first round of cabbage in to the grannies and go back out for round two.
On the path outside, a few steps behind Felix and Hyunjin, where the breeze can blow away her words as soon as they are spoken, Jisu quietly asks Seungmin about who she’s dating right now. Mostly because she’s confused and doesn’t want to make a mistake in the conversation, but also because she’s actually stressed out about the room situation.
Seungmin laughs and says, “Both of them.” She doesn’t whisper it back, not trying to keep her voice down like Jisu was.
“What do you mean?”
“I’m dating both of them. Felix and Hyunjin.”
Jisu looks at the two men, who are looking back with funny grins on their faces.
“Wait, for real?”
“Yeah,” says Felix. “And I’m also dating Hyunjin.”
As if on cue, they give each other a quick peck on the lips, and then dump the cabbages in the bucket and wash them like nothing weird just happened.
“Stop it!” Seungmin scolds them, fake dismay exaggerating her tone. “If my granny sees you, you’re on your own.”
She rolls her eyes when they kiss again in response. “I can’t keep defending them,” she says to Jisu.
Jisu laughs to hide her shock.
Everything comes into clear focus. She’s not judging, by the way. Poly relationships can be…healthy and loving when done with care. Jisu isn’t sure if they’re doing it carefully, but they’re all sluts so does it really matter?
With this new information she’s even more apprehensive about sleeping in the same room as the trio. The only thing worse than cock blocking Seungmin is fourth-wheeling in her friend group’s polyamorous throuple.
Lucky for Jisu, they are basically done brining the cabbages so they get to go inside just a few minutes later. The warm floor feels amazing on Jisu’s cold, wet-socked feet. The grannies are all talking and laughing and sharing chisme, so Jisu doesn’t get much of a word in otherwise. Nor is she able to continue asking questions about the throuple. She’s glad for the distraction.
She rubs the red paste in between every last leaf of cabbage until her shoulders ache and the kimchi is done.
After they clean up the living room, they sit down for a feast of bossam and fresh kimchi, and then all the other grannies go home lugging their Tupperware full of kimchi. The four friends take turns showering in the quaint little bathroom with only a small stool, handheld shower head, and thankfully plenty of hot water.
At night, they lay their mats down in a neat row, each of them getting a small straw pillow from Seungmin’s granny. Jisu tries to take the far left mattress but Seungmin insists that she needs the outside one because she gets hot in her sleep, so they sleep in a row: Seungmin, Jisu, Felix, Hyunjin.
The floor is pretty hot with the boiler on, so Jisu is glad that the blankets are minimal.
After laying down in their neat little row and turning out the lamp, with the only light coming from the waning full moon and spattering of stars, they quietly chat. They talk about club happenings, friendship drama, and Jisu finds out that Seungmin is actually friends with Minha and Jeongin. She doesn’t know what to make of that—does Seungmin know they hate her? Should she tell Seungmin that they’re terrible, mean girls?
Before she can decide, Hyunjin changes the subject. “So you didn’t know that we were dating this whole time?”
“Honestly I was so confused,” Jisu laughs. “Like, I could tell that there was something there, like the couples costume, for example. And then there would be something else, like a hand held, or a cheek caressed, or full-on making out dry humping in the middle of the club, and none of it made sense.”
They all laugh.
“Well, now you know,” says Hyunjin.
“It’s a good system,” Felix adds.
“The best part is having double the sex,” Seungmin laughs.
Jisu thinks that does sound nice. Double the kissing. It’s almost greedy, though. Jisu has zero people to kiss, and here Seungmin is with two.
It’s getting pretty late, so Felix and Hyunjin say goodnight and promptly fall asleep. Jisu is lost in thought. Doing stuff with someone new was part of the original plan for her slut era. She supposes she will have to make an effort to find someone to hook up with if her friends are all in a relationship.
She isn’t sure if Seungmin is asleep yet; her breathing is so quiet. Just then, she scooches closer and says, “That’s the worst part about having two boyfriends.”
“What is?”
“Twice as much snoring.” She snorts quietly at her own joke and her breath tickles Jisu’s ear.
“Oh my god, yeah,” Jisu whispers back. “Sometimes I can hear Chan all the way from my room. Like I genuinely think he has sleep apnea.”
Seungmin slides her arm across Jisu’s belly and lets it rest there loosely. “That’s why I love coming home with you. It’s been so… quiet,” she says.
Jisu pats her arm in reply.
“Speaking of misconceptions,” she whispers, “After the first time we went out, I thought you were doing some kind of weird foreplay with that guy Changbin. I mean, when he showed up that morning? And you had been talking about having a rebellious era—”
“Slut era,” Jisu corrects.
“Yeah, right, so I thought you were like, doing something on purpose to make Changbin react. Something against the rules, or something to make him jealous? I don’t know.”
She puts her leg over Jisu’s leg and scooches impossibly closer. She’s practically speaking into Jisu’s neck when she says, “I thought he was some sort of over-protective boyfriend.”
Jisu uses the guise of not wanting to wake the others to avoid replying and opts to nod.
“But you’re not dating him, right?”
Jisu shakes her head, certain that Seungmin can feel her movements because she’s plastered to her side.
“Good,” she says.
And then Jisu feels the soft press of lips on her neck. It’s gone just as quickly as it came, and Jisu feels a rush of adrenaline surge from somewhere behind her ribs.
“Ever since that night—that was the night you didn’t get to kiss someone,” Seungmin says, brushing her finger over Jisu’s hairline, letting her baby hairs slide off of her forehead. “I thought you would want to kiss someone the next time we went out. But you didn’t.”
“Yeah,” Jisu says lamely. She doesn’t know how to explain that she wanted to—wants to, desperately.
“Why not?” Seungmin asks.
Jisu flips to her side so they’re face to face. “This is going to sound stupid,” she says. “But I didn’t kiss someone because I didn’t want to try too hard.”
“That’s not stupid,” Seungmin says. Her eyes flick from Jisu’s eyes to her mouth and back up to her eyes. “Why didn’t you want to try, though?”
“I don’t know. I was so disappointed that first night when it didn’t happen. I think I made it worse by trying. So I thought maybe not trying would make me care less.”
“Did it work?” Seungmin whispers.
“Kind of. Not really. I don’t know. I still want it to happen. I’m still waiting. I wish it was easy for me like it is for you.” Jisu pauses to think. “I just have to wait for the right moment, I guess.”
Seungmin slips her hand over Jisu’s waist and rests it on the swell of her hip. “What makes the moment right?”
Jisu’s heart pounds in her chest. The hum of the boiler under the floor is her saving grace; she’s sure Seungmin would be able to hear her pulse otherwise.
“I don’t know,” Jisu whispers.
Their faces are extremely close already. It would be so easy to reach out—
Seungmin giggles. “Well, what do you usually like?”
“I’ve never…” Jisu doesn’t know how to spit it out.
“Don’t tell me you’ve never kissed someone. At your big age of twenty-one!”
Jisu doesn’t say anything.
Seungmin gasps and pulls her neck back to look at Jisu properly. “No way! But you’re so—”
“Slutty?” Jisu guesses.
“I mean, yes. But also no. I was going to say you’re so kissable.”
Jisu’s eyes go wide.
She continues, “Your lips are really attractive. I love the shape. And your cheeks…” She trails off, moving her hand from Jisu’s waist to hold her jaw. “Are so caress-able.”
“I don’t think that’s a word,” she says, laughter bubbling up with her nerves.
“What if I kissed you?”
Jisu’s breath freezes in her lungs. Every muscle in her body stops—maybe including her heart. Definitely including her brain. Of course she wants to kiss Seungmin. She’s been thinking about it ever since they almost kissed in the backseat of her car. At the same time, she doesn’t feel ready. She’s not drunk or anything. What if she messes it up?
Seungmin leans in and whispers, “Can I?”
Jisu leans in just as Seungmin tilts her head, their lips meet, and Jisu is lost in it. If her brain was frozen before, it’s boiling now, sinking in a cauldron of sticky sweet love potion, or maybe the adrenaline is frying her every synapse.
Their lips glide together smoothly and she can taste the delicate minty sapor on her tongue. Seungmin pushes Jisu onto her back and crawls so she’s half laying on top of her.
“Good, Jisu,” Seungmin sighs, barely a whisper on her lips. “Just like that.”
Jisu is lost in her lips and the faint pine smell of the old house and it’s almost funny—she finally knows what she missed out on all those years ago at camp. Kissing is amazing. The soft press of Seungmin’s breasts on her own. The shiver that runs up her spine as her hair falls over her neck. Jisu’s thinking through cotton. She wants more. She wants hands on body, she wants Seungmin to eat her up.
She claws her way to reality and becomes hyperaware of Felix laying just centimeters to her left.
“Wait,” she mumbles into Seungmin’s mouth.
She pulls back and a thin line of spit drops from their bottom lips.
“Isn’t this,” she pants, trying to get her breathing under control. It feels like she’s just come up from under water. “I mean, aren’t you—”
She looks at Felix sleeping beside her.
“What about your—them?” She finally spits out.
“Don’t worry about them,” Seungmin rubs her hand up and down Jisu’s side. “It’s not like that.”
“So this is okay?” Jisu asks.
Seungmin kisses her again. “I don’t belong to them and they don’t belong to me. We’re free.”
Jisu nods uncertainly. “Okay.”
She kisses her again, gentle now, less hungry. Jisu can’t stop thinking about how her tongue feels on her tongue. It’s a sensation she’s never come close to feeling—there’s nothing like it.
It’s a confusing first kiss. Incredible, yes. But weird, too. Eventually, Seungmin slips back to her own mat, whispering, “goodnight,” and Jisu tries her best to fall asleep with the heat from the floor on her back and the sound of three snoring friends around her.
The next morning, the four of them wake up and fold the bedding neatly. Seungmin’s granny makes them fried spam and eggs with more fresh kimchi and then they head home with full bellies and a trunk loaded with heavy containers of their bounty.
Jisu doesn’t feel like talking about the kiss so she doesn’t bring it up. Seungmin doesn’t mention it either. Maybe it really was no big deal for her. Jisu thinks it’s a big deal, but she also feels like the same old Jisu, so maybe Seungmin is right.
When she unloads the containers of kimchi into the fridge at her house, Chan and Bin ooh and ahh and start talking excitedly about what dish they should make with it first. They settle on good, old-fashioned kimchijjigae.
They both give her a hug to say thanks, and Chan kisses the top of her head. She blushes and dodges it, but she’s secretly pleased. Weirdly, the spot where his lips pressed into her hair feels tingly long after they leave the kitchen.
⛓⛓ ࣪ › binnie ˖ ° ⛓⛓
Changbin is playing Fortnite on the couch with Chan during their regularly scheduled Fortnite time.
Jisu hasn’t been attending for the past couple of weeks. Changbin thinks the last time she came was sometime in November. Before the blow up and subsequent fall out.
He’s glad that Chan made them talk it out the other week. He completely recognizes that his reaction was over the top. But Jisu was equally in the wrong. Whatever this phase of hers is, it’s dangerous. If his behavior is even remotely discouraging her from pulling a stunt like that again, then it’s worth it to be a little tougher than he needs to be.
For some reason, she never disabled her location services, so he still watches her movements when she’s away from him. And perhaps she believes he will show up ‘like a psycho’ again if she doesn’t text him, so she’s been good about letting him know where she is and when she gets back to one of her friends’ houses.
But he can’t lie. It makes him sad that she skips most of their regular hang out times. She’s gone almost all weekend. He and Chan just wake up and work out together and eat breakfast at the table and Jisu’s chair has a small pile of her bags and coats but no Jisu, so Changbin avoids looking at it for too long.
She still hangs out with them some evenings, mostly during the week. And he started driving her to school like normal. He’s got a new thing where he drops her off right at the back door of the building she’s headed to because it’s December and she still wears tiny little skirts and there’s no indication she’s going to stop.
The other day she had on warm-looking wool socks that went up over her knees, a black pleated mini skirt, and a gray sweater that technically covered her midriff and arms, but there was a cutout right in the middle of her chest where her lace bra and cleavage peaked through. He’d said, ‘why don’t you wear a coat, it’s a bit nippy this morning,’ and she’d said, ‘first of all, don’t say nippy, and second of all, this outfit is super warm, I’m practically sweating.’ But in the car when he sneaked a sidelong glance at her, she had the sleeves of her sweater pulled over her hands and the exposed skin on her chest was goose-pimpled.
(Also, for the record, he didn’t glance at her for the purpose of looking at her boobs. It’s not his fault that her clothing literally draws his eyes to certain parts of her body. Plus—the lace bra peek through? There’s no way that wasn’t intentional!)
On the other hand, he and Chan have a lot of time alone now that Jisu is so busy. And he’s not not enjoying spending time with Chan. Chan’s his best bro. They’ve done everything together for as long as he can remember. School, summer camp, sports…
Their newest joint hobby is masturbating (separately!) as soon as they drop off Jisu in the morning. They obviously don’t talk about it. Changbin parks the car, they go inside, finish whatever inane conversation they were making in vain attempts to quell their boners, and head to their rooms. They don’t even try to make excuses anymore. Changbin is 100% sure that Chan is on the exact same page as he is.
They do the same thing whenever Jisu goes out to the clubs. She dresses even worse after sundown. It’s almost Pavlovian at this point—whenever Jisu says ‘bye Channie Oppa, bye Binnie Oppa!’ his dick starts to chub up.
Right now though, he doesn’t have time for the boner. So even though Jisu walks through the living room wearing the most insanely short lace slip dress and knee-high sheer stockings, he can’t let himself get too distracted. He’s in the middle of an intense duos battle and he and Chan are about to kill the twentieth person in the match and they obviously can’t pause the game. So he’s doing nothing about his half-hard dick and just trusting that Chan is also too focused on the screen to be looking at his crotch.
They get second place. Chan just sets down the controller, closes his eyes, and leans his head back in calm frustration.
Changbin addresses the elephant in the room. “Bro, did you see Jisu?”
Chan doesn’t open his eyes. He just says, “That girl is going to be the death of me.”
Changbin chuckles. “Same here bro, same here.” He stands up to stretch. “Want another beer?”
Chan opens his eyes a sliver. “Got anything stronger?”
“I got you, bro.”
Changbin rummages through the cabinets and scrounges up some fruit punch powder and some vodka and mixes it with one of his energy drinks.
When he hands him his glass, Chan sniffs it suspiciously. “What’s in this?”
“It’s good, bro. Trust me,” Changbin says.
He takes a sip and his eyes light up.
“See?”
They talk for a while about Jisu while sipping their drinks and letting Fortnite idle in the background. Chan wants to find out why she’s doing this and Changbin wants to figure out what they can do.
Then they get to reminiscing on their favorite memories with her. Changbin makes them more drinks and they’re having so much fun talking about Jisu. Hours might pass; Changbin isn’t keeping track.
“Here, let me make us one more round and then we can get our Victory Royale.” Changbin notices that the bottle of vodka is almost gone, so he just dumps the rest in between their two glasses. He does a little dance on the way back to the couch. He really does enjoy Channie time!
Chan sips the drink, makes a face, and then says, “I decided I don’t want to play. I want to watch you play solo no build.”
Changbin agrees. When the battle bus launches, Chan cozies up into his side. It’s a nice gesture. A bit distracting, but he’s still doing pretty well in the game.
It’s also a bit distracting when Chan squeezes Changbin’s bicep when he sees another player.
Someone starts sniping him out of nowhere, and with no way to build, he panics and starts jumping erratically in-game.
Life imitates art, because it’s not long before Changbin jumps out of his seat in real life, desperate to survive a close-up battle with a really good player in a cat boy skin.
He’s totally immersed in the game; he almost forgets that Chan is there until all of a sudden, Chan is sitting next to where he stands and staring directly at his crotch.
“You’re hard.”
“What?” Changbin looks down and sees that yes, he is indeed hard.
Then Chan pokes it.
“Bro, what? That’s gay as fuck.”
“But you’re hard, Binnie,” Chan repeats, as though that’s reason enough to do gay shit.
Changbin sits back down on the couch when he finally kills the cat boy. Chan settles down beside him too, still a bit closer than usual, but not close enough to him think twice.
Changbin jumps a mile when Chan pokes his dick again and asks, “Why are you hard?”
“Dude! I’m trying to win this game, I'll take care of it later.”
Chan finishes his drink, smacking his lips with relish. “Whatever is in these is delicious. I’ll put the dishes in the sink.”
And Changbin would swear—but he must have seen wrong, surely—he would swear he saw a tent in Chan’s pants when he stood up to put the empty cups in the kitchen.
He’s so close to winning now. He just needs to focus and not let Chan’s gay shit get him. Chan sits down again at a respectable distance. A very normal and not-gay distance between two bros sitting on the couch.
Changbin loses the game when he’s distracted by movement out of the corner of his eye. It looks like—Chan has his hand in his pants and is touching himself? What’s gotten into him? His own dick twitches where it strains against the fabric of his underwear. With each beat of his heart, his dick gets just a little bigger. There was no chance of winning when he’s distracted like this.
Changbin doesn’t know what to do about Chan touching himself. So he just goes back to the Fortnite lobby and sits there trying to make his dick stop throbbing. He puts the controller in his lap and attempts to look anywhere but at Chan.
“Come on, I know you’re hard. I saw it.”
Changbin stares at his character on-screen. “Dude, what are you talking about, it was a panic boner,” he says flatly.
“C’mon, it’s not a big deal. We do it all the time.” Changbin can see his fist in his sweats moving up and down a suspiciously large lump.
He plays dumb. “Do what?”
“You know, after we drop her off.”
Changbin scrunches his eyes shut. He has to admit that’s true. He pulls a pillow onto his lap; the controller wasn’t hiding shit.
“When she wears shit like that, I can’t help myself.” He laughs. “I mean, the fucking lace stockings?”
Changbin tries to be subtle when he flexes his glutes and grinds up into the pillow. He hates that Chan is completely right. The lace stockings are insane.
“Remember the slutty biker girl outfit? With the leather skirt and the boots?”
Changbin sucks in air through his teeth. This is crazy. But his heart is racing and his skin feels kind of cold and numb in contrast with the hot, sticky bubbling in the pit of his stomach.
“Yeah,” is all he can say.
“I had to come twice that day,” Chan says, still pumping himself shamelessly. “No refraction period, I was just rock hard even after blowing the biggest load of my life.”
Changbin is afraid if he lets go of the breath he’s holding, it will come out a moan.
“What about you?” Chan asks.
And Changbin has no clue why he’s playing along. This is going to be one of the top ten most embarrassing moments in his entire life. But for some reason, probably a dick-related reason, he says, “Uh, I like it when she wears my clothes.”
“Dude, yes! The other day when she asked me for my flannel—”
He remembers that day. That was a sheer black pantyhose day. Changbin’s hips stutter up into the pillow. He’s pressing so hard, he might as well be humping his hands. Chan’s doing it. But Changbin is trying to hold on to the last shred of dignity.
“—I was like, sure Jisu, and nearly came in my pants when she came out in that tiny tank top bra thing and my flannel.”
Changbin clears his throat. He’s so hard he might be tenting this pillow right now. He doesn’t want to look.
“When she gave it back, bro, it was so over. I just wrapped it around my head and jerked off until I passed out.”
That’s too much for him to handle. He doesn’t know if it’s the drinks or something pent up inside for too long, but Changbin stupidly, shamefully, illogically slithers his hand under the pillow. It wasn’t fair that Chan got to jerk off and he was just trying to stealthily hump the pillow.
Chan apparently takes that as a sign to pull his cock out and begin stroking it lazily. This is ten times worse than when he poked Changbin’s boner. Although, he admits, it’s a bit less gay. Only a bit though.
Regardless, Changbin freezes, hand still clutching his own hard dick. He’s looking everywhere—anywhere but at Chan’s hand working his cock.
“What? I'm horny. A man’s gotta do what a man’s gotta do.”
“Go to your room then!” Changbin says, panic rising in his voice.
“Nah, I’m watching you play solos. Which, by the way, why aren’t you playing?” He grins at Changbin and tries to snatch the pillow from his lap with his free hand. “I swear the controller is under here somewhere.”
Changbin rolls his eyes and retrieves it from where it lay discarded. His poor, neglected boner will have to wait a little bit longer.
Chan relaxes back into the sofa as Changbin loads into the next map. He can feel his eyes watching him—not the screen—while he plays, and he’s still jerking off and Changbin is at a loss. What does one do when their best friend gets hard during Fortnite and demands to watch you play while he strokes himself?
It’s not like they’ve never seen each others dicks before. He’s seen—it—plenty of times. He’s even seen it hard. They had a dick measuring competition a few years back. Changbin stupidly thought he might be able to win because Chan is on the shorter side (never mind that Changbin is a centimeter or two shorter than him). But the big nose never lies. That and Chan’s simian wingspan—he was dumb to even have hope.
The difference was that that time—they were trying to be hard in front of each other. They had to do it together to make sure the other wasn’t rounding up their measurements. And no, Changbin hadn’t found it particularly difficult to get hard in front of Chan. He hadn’t given the ease of the action a second thought at the time.
Now though, on this sofa, with Chan’s gaze boring holes in the back of his skull and the controller gripped in his sweaty hands, he is very aware of the hardness of his dick in this company. Strangely, no matter how much he tells it to go away, it’s just getting worse.
Surely it’s a residual boner from the conversation about Jisu, he thinks. Not from Chan stroking his huge cock right next to him.
As he’s lost in thought, someone comes up behind him in the game and takes him out with two shotgun blasts. Changbin cringes at the dumb mistake.
Chan doesn’t seem to notice.
In the next game, Changbin tries a little harder to play the game. He’s focused. Almost focused enough to miss Chan pulling the pillow off of Changbin’s lap, exposing his tented boner—but not quite.
“Bro, what are you doing!”
“I need this,” he says, stuffing it behind his head. “My neck hurts.”
“Yeah, well, maybe if you looked at the screen more,” Changbin grumbles.
When Changbin refocuses on the screen, he’s about to die to the storm. He loads into the next game right away.
Changbin doesn’t really care any more about his dick. Chan already knows he’s hard and horny, pillow or no pillow.
He’s doing really well this time; he got a few head shots and he’s got the high ground and a bush to hide in. He’s about to snipe someone long-range when Chan’s hand comes to rest on his crotch.
He doesn’t move his hand or squeeze or poke or do anything. It’s just resting there. All the while, Chan is still stroking his own cock. Changbin is not about to let Chan’s gay shenanigans ruin his third game in a row, though.
He gets the guy in four shots and then waits for someone else to be lured by the pile of loot left behind. Not a minute passes before another player runs into his line of sight and he gets them in one shot.
Chan squeezes his dick and says, “Good shot!”
He chokes, the unauthorized moan morphing into a cough in his throat. Changbin is so hard he genuinely might pop a blood vessel. Is that how this works? When he kills someone, Chan rewards him by touching his dick? What kind of fucked up gay porno is this?
There’s no time to think about it. There are only a handful of players left now and the circle is getting smaller and smaller. Changbin jetpacks off the cliff to find another vantage point that’s in-circle.
Next time he makes a kill, Chan sneaks his hand into his pants and squeezes him through his underwear. That thin layer is all that’s left between them. Changbin is trying so hard not to let Chan distract him, but it’s getting more and more difficult to stay rational. When Chan’s hand does a gentle stroke on his shaft, he doesn’t really remember why he’s trying so much anyway.
There’s only one player left. Changbin runs up on them guns blazing, but they’ve got a portable bounce pad and they drop grenades on him from above. They’re really good. He gets blown up and ‘YOU PLACED #2’ pops up on the screen.
As soon as his hands are free, he drops the controller and pulls Chan’s hand out of his pants.
“Aww,” Chan whines. “Come on, you’re so hard—”
The whine dies in his throat when Changbin pulls his pants down to let his boner spring free. He’s positively aching and a little bit mad that he lost so he grips his dick with an iron fist and pumps hard and fast.
He just has to come really quickly—before the next game loads in—and then Chan will stop messing with him and he’ll be able to play normally.
“That’s it, fuck—” Chan moans.
If Changbin were crazy, he would say that Chan was practically boring holes in his dick watching him jack off and matching his pace to his. But he’s not crazy. Wait, is he crazy? He’s sitting on the couch jacking off with Chan.
He’s suddenly very aware of what they’re doing. “Bro, what if Jisu comes home.”
Chan arches his back and circles his fist over the head of his cock fervently. “Fuck, that would be so hot. I would blow my load immediately.”
Changbin sucks in air through his teeth. That’s not really what he meant, but, yeah, true.
“She’d be drunk and sloppy,” he continues. “Lace dress slipping off her shoulder.”
Changbin imagines her standing over him like she did that one day, except she’s wearing the dress and the stockings this time. He wonders which panties she’d wear under a thing like that. Maybe sheer black, matching the knee-highs.
“She’d take off her shoes, so she’d be in just the stockings,” Chan is still going. “—her little feet…”
Changbin’s ears begin to ring. He’s so close already, just a little bit more pressure, a few more strokes—
Fuck. The next game loads in.
He pumps his hand harder, desperate to come fast and end this.
“Hey, the game is loaded,” Chan whines when Changbin doesn’t pick up the controller. “You have to play.”
“Just a—” he pants, “—second, Hyung.”
“Binnie~” he whines back. “Play the game!”
If his head was even half screwed-on, he would ignore Chan. In fact, if he had even an ounce of rationality, he would have gone to his room to take care of himself a long time ago. But Chan’s insistence—the sound of his needy whining, “You’re gonna lose!” effectively destroys every bit of common sense left in his dumb, drunk, brain.
Changbin grabs the controller just as his player lands on the ground. He’s in the middle of nowhere, having not steered his landing or chosen where to get off the battle bus.
His dick stands straight up in his lap, pulsing with each beat of his heart. He was so close. A small droplet of precum trickles down his shaft like a lone tear.
Changbin finds some chests and loads up on ammo, then takes a car to the center of the map hoping to draw attention to himself and die quickly so he can get back to his aching boner.
Chan scooches closer to him.
“C’mere,” he murmurs.
He wraps his fist around Changbin’s dick.
He should have known this would happen.
He can barely see the screen, it’s just a mess of bright green and purple and pink. He’s probably driving straight into a wall but the way Chan’s thin fingers are gripping his cock and pumping him slowly is making everything melt away.
He was so close before—it’s going to be over soon, sooner than Changbin would like, though he would never admit that. But the tightening of his balls and the electricity each time Chan’s fist squeezes gently on the upstroke is too much.
Changbin looks at Chan. He’s pumping his own cock in tandem, looking straight at Changbin.
“Play,” he says.
Changbin comes. His first rope shoots straight up in the air and splats messily on his own pants.
He fucks his hips up uncontrollably as Chan mumbles, “Good job, Binnie. You’re doing so good, that’s it,” and works him through his release. Just as Changbin’s orgasm ebbs, Chan’s moans increase in volume and he’s coming all over his fist.
Changbin’s chest heaves as he tries to control his breathing. “Bro, that was…”
“So crazy,” Chan grins at him. “So much better than doing it alone.”
Changbin looks down at Chan’s limp, come-streaked hand loosely wrapped around his softening cock. He feels a wave of disgust and has the intense urge to wash everything off. If he gets rid of the evidence, this could all just be a weird dream.
He nudges Chan’s arm where it lay across his torso. “You should wash up, bro.”
“Okay,” he says, all cute and sing-song-y.
He nearly skips to the kitchen to wash his hands. Changbin is exiting the game, ready forget this whole thing and go to bed and stare at Jisu’s location until he falls asleep, when he hears a dramatic gasp from the kitchen.
“Binnie!” Chan shouts.
“What?”
“Is this the drink you used in the drinks earlier?”
“The Red Bull?”
“Yeah.”
“Yeah, why?”
Chan gasps loudly again. He runs back into the living room and comes to an abrupt stop when he sees Changbin getting ready to leave. Chan teeters tipsily and he has a stupid grin plastered to his face.
“These make you do gay shit!” He says, shaking the can in the air.
Changbin tries to make that sentence make sense, but no matter how many times it echoes through his skull, it doesn’t click. “What?” He asks.
“I never drink these,” Chan says.
“Energy drinks?” Changbin asks, bewildered.
“No, the purple ones. They make you do gay shit, I swear, bro. Of course, it all makes sense!” He laughs like a maniac and then runs back to the kitchen.
Changbin drinks those all the time and he doesn’t turn gay. But if Chan is going to chalk it up to a fluke, then Changbin is willing to let him have this one, even if he privately thinks Chan might just be gay.
He gets in bed and opens up the location app to find Jisu. But as his eyelids flutter and sleep almost takes him, he can’t help but glance to the other side of the screen, where Chan’s bubble is pulsing right next to his.
꧁ཐི༺♱jisu♱༻ཋྀ꧂
Ever since her first kiss with Seungmin, doing stuff with her friends has been super easy. It’s funny how things are usually hard at first but once you start, it just comes naturally.
Jisu is actually a little concerned with how well she’s adapted to the slut era. It’s like, she definitely wasn’t a slut before. But now that she is one, it’s so natural that she wonders if maybe she’s been a slut this whole time? Just a sad, repressed, lonely slut? That probably warrants some more self-reflection, but whatever. Jisu’s having too much fun to stop and think.
Three important things happened during winter break.
The first thing is that she basically failed her classes. Her GPA quite literally had never been worse and it probably had something to do with the fact that all of her free time was devoted to being a slut, but she’d never been an honors student anyway, so it was no big loss. She’d just retake the classes next quarter.
The second important thing was coming out. It wasn’t really on purpose, but one night at the drag show, the performer asked for teams of two to come on stage for a game, and Felix and Hyunjin pushed Seungmin and Jisu to go on stage.
It was her first time on-stage while the lights were on. She couldn’t see her friends in the crowd—she couldn’t see anything but the blinding white lights. Her heart thudded in her chest. So many eyes on her.
It was a song recall game and they were losing terribly, so the host offered them one final chance if they kissed. On stage in front of everyone.
Jisu still looks back on that moment with a mixture of pride and horror. Everyone was cheering, expectantly watching her (was that a good thing or a bad thing?) and when she turned to Seungmin, she gave her an encouraging nod.
As soon as her lips met Seungmin’s the cheers roared in her ears almost as loudly as her blood.
She still can’t believe she kissed a girl in front of everyone. When they got back to Felix and Hyunjin, they were cool about it. But later, with just Felix, Jisu told him that she’d been so nervous and that she can’t believe everyone knows she’s bisexual.
He said ‘oh you are?’ And Jisu just rolled her eyes because—duh, why else would she kiss Seungmin?
But Jisu tried not to worry too much about everyone knowing she likes girls. If she’s going to become the most popular girl at school, it’s only natural that people will have to get to know her. She kept the satisfaction of knowing that she’d be the talk of the town like a small bird in the palm of her hand—kept it safe and secret and put it in her pocket when she went out, but took it out and admired it when she was alone.
A few nights later, she went out with just Hyunjin and Seungmin, and Hyunjin fingered her in the club. After the blatant exhibitionism that was kissing Seungmin on stage, it was a different feeling when it was subtle, his hand under her skirt, in the dimness and the flashing lights. That was pretty wild, but it actually doesn’t make her list of the top three things that happened during winter break.
The third thing—and most important thing—was fooling around with Felix. They went, just the two of them, to the gay bar and it was comic-cunt night so everyone was in varying degrees of cosplay. Jisu went full e-girl and Felix dressed as Lara Croft from the old Tomb Raider games which was a funny combo.
They got kind of drunk and stumbled back to Felix’s house and they fooled around, and Jisu doesn’t really know how it happened but Felix came on Jisu’s pussy. One minute they were dry humping, and the next thing she knew, Felix was shuddering and gasping and the whole thing only lasted like 5 minutes. He said sorry and wiped it off with a tissue and then he asked if they could watch a movie so they just chilled the rest of the night.
Jisu was perfectly happy to not talk about it because she honestly hadn’t expected that and his cum kind of freaked her out. Boys are weird.
There were some ups and downs, but Jisu’s winter holiday was excellent on the whole. The holidays passed quietly, she was mostly hungover on New Year’s Day, and she spent most of her time texting her friends and sleeping at home, when she wasn’t out socializing.
⛓⛓ ࣪ › binnie ˖ ° ⛓⛓
Changbin is working on some emails on the sofa when Jisu comes to join him.
“Hey big boy,” Jisu says.
He glances up from the screen and sees Jisu is wearing a big t-shirt and (presumably) tiny shorts. The sight of her bare thighs still makes him drool, but he’s gotten pretty good at keeping his tongue in his mouth over the course of the previous two months.
She flops down on the sofa and snuggles up to his side.
“Whatcha working on?”
“Some emails.” He puts his arm around her. “Hey, is that my shirt?” The image of her in just lace panties and his shirt bunched up around her curvy waist floods his brain for a second. He lets the image render and then files it away in his Jisu drive.
“No,” she says unconvincingly. “I have a question.”
“Shoot.”
“Hypothetically speaking, can you get pregnant—”
Changbin freezes.
“—if someone comes on the—”
His jaw drops.
“—outside of your pussy?”
He slams the computer shut.
“What?!” Surely she can’t be asking him because of personal experience. Surely it’s a friend or something.
“It’s hypothetical! Can you?” She asks.
“Um yeah, Jisu. You can.”
“Oh.”
“Do you have something you want to tell me?” Changbin turns his whole body to face her and grabs her hands so she can’t turn away from him. This is too serious to let her run away like usual.
“Uh…” She sounds uncertain. “But if it’s on the outside, how would the sperm get in?”
Changbin takes a deep breath. “Okay. Where was it exactly?”
“I don’t know, it’s hypothetical,” she repeats.
“Hypothetically, where did he come?”
She fidgets her hands in his grasp, rubbing his knuckles and brushing her fingers over his cuticles.
“You have a hang nail,” she mumbles.
He doesn’t reply.
“Um,” she continues when it becomes obvious that he’s not going to let her change the subject. “On her clitoris?”
Changbin can’t help how his hands grasp hers tighter. Who the hell was fooling around with his Jisu? He can practically feel his blood pressure going up.
Of course, it’s only natural that the pressure in his pants is also going up. A lot of guys get hard when they’re feeling protective and scared, right?
He adjusts his position to minimize the tenting. “Yes. You could still get pregnant from that.”
“Oh.”
Changbin knew that Jisu was sheltered. Without her mom to guide her, there were some things that Jisu missed out on. He hadn’t known, however, the extent of her naiveté.
He’s blindsided by the turn of the afternoon, but he has an idea. “Can we talk about this again tonight? With Chan?”
“Ugh, do I have to?”
“Yes,” he says with finality.
“Fine,” she grumbles.
“Let’s put on a show, baby bug,” he says, tousling her hair and handing her the remote.
When she’s focused on the TV, Changbin surreptitiously stands up and heads to the bathroom.
He stands over the toilet again. By now, taking care of Jisu-induced boners is a regular routine for him. He can do it in 90 seconds flat, and the shame is just a dull burn in the back of his ribs.
He flushes and flips the toilet seat down to sit. He pulls out his phone and texts Chan.
Bro. Jisu just said something..
Crazy. Need your help.
Channie: What is it?
She asked me if she could get pregnant
From a guy coming on the outside of her pussy.
Channie: ?????????????????????
Bro I know.
Help for real
Channie: I’ll be home at 7.
“Oppa~!” Jisu calls.
He startles. “Hm?”
“What are you doing in there? I’m waiting to press play,” she says through the bathroom door.
“Uh, I’m pooping. One sec,” he says.
He flushes the toilet again just to make his lie convincing and washes his hands before joining Jisu on the couch.
Chan arrives at exactly seven with a takeout bag full of Chinese food. He connects his computer to the TV while Changbin makes three plates and sets them on the table in the living room.
“Jisu-yah, dinner!” He calls.
She pads into the living room. Changbin takes one look at her and immediately looks to Chan. He can see his own thoughts reflected in Chan’s gaze.
She looks so fucking hot in just a bra and sweats. The bra is like a tiny tank top and it leaves a hint of cleavage on her chest, while the sweats sit low on her hips, showing off a smooth expanse of skin. There’s no way she isn’t cold, but she’s acting like nothing is weird and Changbin isn’t about to say something. Chan apparently can’t ignore the elephant in the room and pulls off his flannel and throws it at her.
“Put a fucking shirt on, you heathen,” he says, his tone fake biting.
“What-ever. I couldn’t find my hoodie,” Jisu says as she pulls her arms through his flannel.
Chan and Changbin make eye contact again. Changbin does the laundry and he knows for a fact that this girl has at least 10 hoodies folded in her drawer this very minute. Plus she was wearing his shirt literally like, two hours ago. He just shakes his head in resignation and grabs his plate of food.
Jisu settles back on the couch without bothering to button any of the buttons, so her naked torso is still just out in the living room. Changbin is lucky that he already came once recently. It makes it a lot easier to keep his dick under control when she does shit like this.
Chan also seems to give up on having her dressed. “Welcome to tonight’s professional development workshop.”
Jisu groans. “Again?”
Chan continues. “After a recent meeting with my colleague Changbin, it’s come to my attention that we need to have company-wide training on sex education.”
She groans even louder. “Oh my god, did you really tell him for real, Oppa?” She pulls on Changbin’s sleeve.
“Hush,” he says. “This is important stuff.” He hands her her plate.
Chan goes through the presentation, explaining all of the ways that someone can get pregnant, starting with the most obvious ways and detailing even the obscure ways like getting fingered with unwashed hands.
Changbin nods along and sneaks glances at Jisu throughout the presentation. He notices when she blushes and when she looks down at her lap, unable to make eye contact, and he files away that information in his Jisu partition.
“Let’s end the lesson with a short quiz. I’ll display a statement on the screen, and Jisu and Changbin, would you please tell me if you think it’s true or false?”
“Yes, Mr. Bang,” they say in unison.
It’s a good thing that they review the content again, because Jisu looks a little confused as they go through the questions. With her big doe eyes even wider than normal and her eyebrows pushing up in the center, she looks so cute and helpless. Changbin almost reaches over to squish her into a headlock, but he resists.
Chan sends Jisu to her room (she strips the flannel and throws it back in Chan’s face as she goes) and finally gets ready to eat his own dinner. It got cold during the presentation so he runs to the kitchen to quickly heat it up.
When he comes back, he’s got one of Changbin’s energy drinks in his hand.
“Bro, it’s like 8pm, are you gonna be able to sleep?” Changbin worries.
“It’s fine, I’m off tomorrow and I want to level up in Genshin tonight while the update is fresh.”
He sits down with his plate and digs in.
Changbin clears his throat. “Hey, um. Thanks for the, er, ‘company training’ tonight.”
“Of course, mate. What exactly did she say to you, anyway?” He asks through a mouthful of orange chicken.
Changbin repeats it to the best of his ability.
Chan shakes his head. “What is our girl getting herself into?”
“I don’t know, but fuck, bro. My dick got so hard so fast I got lightheaded. I thought I was having a stroke.”
“Jesus Christ, I bet. I mean, imagine—”
Chan opts not to finish that sentence, and they are both momentarily lost in the throes of their imaginations.
Changbin is getting hard again thinking about it, so he tries to keep the conversation moving. “And I had no clue what to say, you know I don’t really know that much stuff about biology and stuff.”
“Mm,” Chan hums, mouth full of food again.
“How do you know so much about sex, anyway? I thought—well—I thought after. Last time that maybe you were gay. “
“Dude, what? No. I told you, it was the Red Bull. The purple one makes you do gay stuff.”
They both look at the purple can sitting on the coffee table in front of Chan.
“Um, anyway my mum really thought it was important for me to know everything from an early age so she used to teach me and my sister really factual-like every so often. And also its just good to have a firm understanding of things, so I research stuff online to fill in the gaps my mom might have had. Like for,” he coughs dryly. “Anal and stuff like that.”
“God. If only Jisu had that,” he replies.
“Yeah, I was lucky,” Chan says.
They both nod and Chan takes a sip of his drink in the lull. If Changbin is honest, Jisu’s mother should have told her about that stuff. She was still around when Jisu was going through puberty. And considering how she was a young, single mother who had Jisu by accident…
“So who do you think she’s hooking up with?” Chan asks.
Changbin thinks for a moment. “I honestly thought it was Seungmin, but now I’m not sure.”
“Maybe it’s that tall guy.”
They both pause again to imagine little Jisu with the tall, athletic Hyunjin. Changbin’s boner throbs, but not with arousal. It’s more of a hate-throb.
“At least they’re not having sex,” Changbin says. If they were, he would have no choice but to find him and kill him.
“Erm, actually, external sex is still sex,” Chan says with his finger pointed up in the air.
They both crack up. “Shut up, nerd. You know what I mean.”
“Speaking of external sex, did you know for many women clitoral stimulation feels better than penetrative sex?”
Changbin thinks for a second. “Um, okay?”
Chan continues, “And the clitoris has just as many nerve endings as a penis, but concentrated in a much smaller organ.”
“No shit…” Changbin honestly doesn’t know what to say. He much prefers numbers and words over biology-type stuff.
“So rubbing her clitoris with the head of your penis feels something like this.” Changbin almost chokes on air as Chan reaches over and rubs the head of Changbin’s cock while rubbing the head of his own through their pants.
He laughs and it sounds weird. “Surely it feels different.” He swats away Chan’s hand.
“How so?” Chan takes another sip of his drink.
“Well. I don’t know. It’s a dick right? Not a hand. It’s different.”
“No, I think it’s about the same,” Chan says with an infuriating know-it-all tone.
“Bro, be serious. How would it be the same? It’s a completely different thing.”
Chan throws back the last little bit of his drink and swallows with relish. “Are you sure about that?”
“Yeah,” he huffs.
“Let’s find out.”
Before Changbin can push him away or laugh out loud or pretend to give in and admit that he’s right—before he can react in any way, Chan gets on his lap and pulls Changbin’s shorts down just enough so that the tip of his cock is peeking out of the top of his waistband.
Changbin looks down at it. The tip is an angry purplish-red. Of course he was completely hard already.
“This is my hand.” He rubs the sensitive underside of his dick with two gentle fingers, rubbing in slow circular motions. Changbin’s dick sends a large glob of precum to the tip just in time to let Chan’s long, delicate fingers slide through his mess.
“How does it feel?” Chan breathes.
“Um. Good?” Changbin is so overwhelmed with the sight of Chan’s fingers rubbing his dick like that and the heaviness of his ass sitting on his thighs.
“This is what her clitoris would feel like with a hand,” he says.
And then he pulls his own shorts down, letting his cock spring up gently before it hangs heavily in front of Changbin’s face. If Changbin was overwhelmed before, he’s losing brain cells now.
Chan uses his thumb on the base of his cock to press it down towards Changbin’s.
“And this—” he controls the head of his cock, slowly lowering himself until the bead of precum on his cock touches Changbin’s messy tip
“—is how she’d—nggh—feel—with a cock,” he grunts.
Chan rubs the head of his cock against the underside of Changbin’s dick, which is still trapped in his waistband, pressed against his own stomach.
He uses little circles, just like he did with his fingers.
“Does it feel different?”
“Yeah,’ Changbin breathes out.
“How so?”
“It’s—wetter,” he says. “And more, fuck—”
He loses his train of thought when Chan moves his other hand to the space where their crotches are joined to grasp Changbin’s shaft.
Chan squeezes up the length of Changbin’s dick and another glob of precum spurts out gently.
“You’re really wet, Binnie,” he says, his voice almost sounding mesmerized. “I wish I got that wet.”
“It’s okay, Hyung. I got enough to share,” Changbin breathes.
Chan slides the head of his dick through Changbin’s mess and spreads it all over his tip.
“Fuck,” he groans again, a bit too loud for Changbin’s comfort.
“Bro, shh! Jisu is home.” He grabs Chan’s discarded flannel and pulls it around their laps as though that would prevent Jisu from seeing what they’re doing if she were to come out of her room right now.
“So. Fuck— this is how she’d feel—” Chan has started thrusting minutely and its pressing Changbin’s cock harder against his own tummy. “With a cock on her clitoris.”
Chan lifts his cock up for a moment and they both observe how Changbin’s precum sticks to both of their dicks, making a sticky line hang between them.
“She’s self-lubricating just like you, Binnie,” Chan says as he begins thrusting against Changbin’s tip again.
Changbin wonders if this is really how Jisu feels. Does her clitoris feel like it’s so hard it’s going to explode? Does she feel like pulling that guy’s cock down, down, and sinking it deep into her hole? Does her clitoris almost ache with need, want more pressure, more wetness, does she fuck her hips up desperately—
Chan interrupts his thoughts. “Fuck, Binnie, I’m gonna come.”
Changbin wants to help. It sounds insane; he never thought he’d be saying this: he wants Chan to come on his dick. But he doesn’t know what to do to help, Chan is already squeezing both of their cocks and fucking his tip so well. He reaches around and gets two big handfuls of Chan’s ass and shakes it a little; eggs him on.
“Jisu would be so wet too. I’d smear her pussy juice all over her, make sure her clit is nice and slick. And her pussy juice is perfect for my come, it’s literally—ah!—made to invite me in, to make sure she gets pregna—fuck fuck fuck,” Chan is rambling now. Changbin can barely follow his train of thought. “When I come, her juices would suck my sperm right up her pussy—nngh—and—fuck!”
He pushes the head of his dick directly onto Changbin’s tip and uses his hand to gently pull Changbin’s urethra open, and shoots his load directly into Changbin’s hole. He shudders and moans and Changbin is sure that Jisu will hear, but he can’t help but moan a little too.
“Hyung, fuck—” His cum is so warm in his tip. It barely went into his pee hole, the space quickly filling up and overflowing. Most of the cum spreads all over the head of Changbin’s dick. It looks so messy but in a pretty way. The translucent white of Chan’s cum and the raging purple skin of his cock head contrast nicely.
Chan pants and his thrusts slow to a glacial pace. Changbin thinks he might get off , leave him throbbing and messy and he’s almost sad when he thinks of it. That’s fine. He’ll just have to jack off by himself again.
“But she shouldn’t get pregnant, right?” Chan says. He sounds a little bit more normal, but he’s still got that mesmerization in his voice. “If that asshole took responsibility for what he’d done—if he cared about her at all, he’d clean her up. Make sure none of his cream got to the pie.”
“H-how?” Changbin asks.
Chan raises his hand to Changbin’s mouth. The sticky mess on Chan’s fingers hovers just millimeters from Changbin’s lips.
“Tongue,” he says. And just as Changbin opens his mouth, is about to obey; stick his tongue out and lick like his Hyung told him to, Chan snickers and brings his hand back to his own lips. Chan licks himself clean, and Changbin just stares. This might be good material for later.
And then Chan lifts himself off of Changbin’s lap, and he thinks he’s really going to leave. Changbin still had a sprig of hope when Chan was talking about cream and pies, but no. Disappointment crashes down in his belly like a plummeting elevator. Just as it’s about to hit the ground, Chan slides his legs between his and settles down on his knees.
He looks up at Changbin. “Can I?”
Surely Changbin misunderstands. “W-what?”
“Clean you up?”
Changbin nearly comes from that alone. The elevator is soaring and swooping and his stomach can’t keep it in.
“Please, please, please, Hyung, please—”
And in an instant, Chan is licking and sucking and slurping up the come that covers Changbin’s tip. He pulls at the waistband of Changbin’s pants, and he quickly lifts his ass off the sofa and pulls his pants all the way down.
When Chan looks up at him, his eyes are cloudy with lust, heavy-lidded and not quite straight. His cheeks are flushed and there’s a small bead of sweat dripping from his right temple. Changbin reaches up to caress Chan’s jaw, working so hard to lick and clean Changbin’s cock.
“Please Hyung,” he begs. He doesn’t know how to say what he wants. He knows Chan’s got him though. Chan always has what he needs. That’s their thing.
Chan gingerly takes his dick into his fist, aiming it towards his face, and gently pulls. Changbin slides his ass further down. “Please, Channie, please. Take it, Hyung.”
Chan licks his lips and looks straight at Changbin’s cock hungrily.
Then he must decide to take pity on poor Changbin, because he slides his plush lips down the entire length of his cock in one go. Changbin bottoms out at his throat.
Unable to control himself, he thrusts up just one time into Chan’s throat. He makes a noise that Changbin isn’t sure is a moan, but it’s done anyway. There was never much hope of lasting long in Chan’s mouth.
He comes down Chan’s throat without warning. Chan takes it as best he can, pulling back a little so he has room to swallow, and the suction from his tongue working to swallow around him pulls rope after rope of cum from Changbin.
He’s biting his own knuckle to stop himself from crying out loud as he comes. As he catches his breath, Chan pulls off completely, and Changbin’s spent dick flops onto his tummy again.
“Oh, oops. Missed a spot.” Chan leans forward and licks his tummy. It feels ticklish and weirdly intimate despite what they just did.
Chan moves off of him and stands up, stretching his back and finally putting his flannel properly back on.
“How was it?” He asks.
Changbin doesn’t know how to describe it. “Um—really good. Are you sure you’re not gay?”
Chan gives him a confused look (why is he confused, he just sucked his own cum off of another dudes cock and then swallowed the other dudes cum too!) and says, “No, bro. I told you I like girls.”
Changbin flits his eyes down to Chan’s crotch and back up.
“…too.”
Changbin laughs out loud at that one.
“Okay. If you’re not gay then how did you get so good at that?”
Chan shrugs. “I dunno. That was my first time trying it.” He sits down and starts eating the last of his cold Chinese. “Glad you liked it!”
Changbin is frankly in a state of disbelief. There’s just no way. “Well. How was it for you?”
Chan says, “Really good, bro. Nice job. No clean up as well. We should do it like that again.”
Changbin ignores the nervous flutter in his belly at the mention of ‘again’ and hums discontentedly. “Hm. Seems kind of gay though.”
Chan picks up his nearly-empty plate and drink. “Nah, I told you, bro. It’s the purple Red Bull.” He shouts from the kitchen, “But whatever you want, bro! Just let me know.”
꧁ཐི༺♱jisu♱༻ཋྀ꧂
Jisu doesn’t want to get on birth control.
She knows what Chan was saying the other day was probably all true. It makes sense that a guy’s come has the ability to get you pregnant, even if it’s not all the way inside of you. But it’s not fair that she has to worry about it when it’s all the way up at the top of her slit.
And she’s pretty sure Chan was going so far as to say that she has to worry even if Felix uses a condom? Because of cross-contamination?
That one doesn’t sound real. Chan’s probably being a germ-freak again. But she should be more careful next time with Felix. That was kind of reckless. And the last thing she needs right now is a baby. That would put a big damper on the slut era.
She needs to stop thinking about this whole situation so Jisu texts Seungmin to ask if she can come over for some girl time.
Seungmin agrees, and when Jisu gets there, Seungmin is damp and still in her bathrobe.
“Did you take a shower?” Jisu asks, and she leans in for a hug. “Mm, you smell really good.”
“Yes, I did a big shower because I need to do some hair care today. I was hoping you could help?” Her voice rises at the end.
“Oh, sure!”
She follows Seungmin into the bathroom where she has a whole thing spread out. There are towels on the floor and little jars of wax and oil and there’s even a candle on the counter. Jisu wonders what Seungmin would have said if Jisu had refused.
“So I already exfoliated everything and it’s all prepped. You’ve waxed before, right?”
Jisu looks at Seungmin with wide eyes. That’s what she meant by hair care? Was waxing something a girl of her age was supposed to have done? She feels stupid. She spent so much time being a prude that she missed out on essential female knowledge.
“I take it you haven’t, then.” Seungmin smiles at her. “That’s okay. I can teach you.”
“Are you sure? Maybe you should have someone more experienced…”
“No, I want you to do it. Hyunjin is too rough. And whenever Felix does it he gets hard and wet and it’s a whole thing.”
Jisu privately thinks Felix getting hard is probably relatable if he’s seeing a whimpering, crying Seungmin spread eagle, pussy red and swollen.
Jisu swims through that thick thought and thankfully reaches air again. “Okay, so you go with the grain, right?”
Seungmin laughs. “Oh, Jisu. I love you.”
Jisu laughs too. “What! That’s true, right? I heard about waxing before.”
“So basically,” she begins. And then she shows Jisu all the containers of wax and the little strips and the sprays, and it’s a bit overwhelming but she needs Jisu! So she’s going to step up for her friend!
Seungmin lies down on the towels. Jisu situates herself at her waist and Seungmin pulls her robe open exposing mostly her lower half. She doesn’t make a ton of effort to keep the top closed, so it kind of hangs half open. Jisu tries not to look at her chest and keeps her eyes on Seungmin’s crotch.
Her bush is really small. Its cute, how the short little hairs taper out around her panty line. And it trails just a little bit up at the top, not quite reaching her belly button.
“Your bush is so cute!”
“Ah, this is really tame. It’d be crazy long and unruly if I didn’t wax it regularly.”
Jisu looks up at Seungmin and back down at her bush. “I don’t know why, but I was expecting your bush to have blonde in it too.”
Seungmin laughs really hard at that one.
Jisu really is surprised, though. Seungmin’s bush looks strikingly similar to her own. It sounds dumb to say now, but she really was expecting a chocolate brown bush with blonde highlights.
“So, I’ll start now. I use this one, right?” Jisu holds up a blue container.
Seungmin nods.
With great effort, Jisu pulls a glob of wax out of the container and rubs the stuff on the top of her bush. Then she pulls, hard and fast. Seungmin doesn’t make a peep, but she flinches a little bit. Jisu looks at the wax in her fingers. There are about ten little hairs stuck to the sticky substance, all lined up nice and evenly.
Jisu keeps waxing, pulling Seungmin’s legs open when she has to go further south, and taking care to get the parts near her labia gently. It’s looking really good and Jisu is quite proud of her work. She picked up the technique pretty well, if she can say so herself.
With the dark hairs fully gone, Seungmin’s pussy is all pale pink skin, bumpy and a little red from the irritation, but Jisu sprays on the analgesic spray and slathers body oil over it to soothe it. Jisu tries to restrain herself from rubbing it more than necessary, but it just looks so good. If she were a guy, she would definitely be hard. Felix is so real for that.
“Your pussy is really cute, Seungmin,” she says softly.
Seungmin squirms and her hands make an aborted motion towards her crotch.
“Really? I sometimes don’t like how my clitoris kind of sticks out.”
Jisu cocks her head to the side. She pulls Seungmin’s legs closed and, yes, before it was hard to tell because of the little hairs all around it, but now that it was bare, Jisu can see that Seungmin’s clitoris peeks out between her vulva. But it is adorable and sexy and Jisu has to swallow spit that floods her mouth as she gazes at it.
“No, it’s really cute.”
Jisu drags the side of her knuckle over her now-smooth slit, dragging against her clitoris lightly. “Especially this part.”
Seungmin squeals and squishes her thighs together. “Jisu-yah, stop,” she whines. “Am I all done?”
“Smooth as a baby’s butt!” Jisu says.
“Ew, don’t say that. It’s weird.”
Jisu snorts.
Seungmin hops up and looks at herself in the mirror. “It looks really good! Thank you!”
“I had fun!” Jisu says, standing to join her at the mirror.
“Okay it’s your turn!”
“My turn? As in I get waxed?” Jisu looks at Seungmin through the mirror when she speaks, but when she glances at her own reflection she looks like a deer in headlights.
“Yeah! I’ll do it for you.” Seungmin turns to look at her in real life. “If you want?”
Jisu turns away and tries to walk somewhere else but the bathroom is small so she settles for sitting on the edge of the bath tub.“Uh… I’ve never gotten waxed before.”
Seungmin smirks. “Yeah, duh, Jisu. I think that was pretty obvious.”
Jisu blushes madly. This bathroom is really quite small. Jisu wishes there were a window to open.
“Um… does it hurt?” Jisu asks.
“It’s not bad! I know how to make it hurt the least. My Unnie taught me and she’s a professional.”
Jisu rubs her neck. It’s not like nobody’s seen her pussy before. Felix was looking right at it when he came on it. But it’s different in a dark room half-drunk after a night out and stone-cold sober on the floor of a brightly-lit bathroom.
But still, this is a good opportunity. She wants to continue the slut era. And this seems like the right step. Most sluts have bare vaginas, right? That’s what seventeen magazine implied.
So she nods her head and says, “Okay, thanks.”
She lies back just like Seungmin did, but she’s still wearing all of her clothes so it feels weird. Seungmin stands up and grabs something from her shower and starts running the water.
“You need to exfoliate first, so I’ll do this scrub and hot towel mask really quick. Take off your pants.”
Jisu follows all of Seungmin’s instructions. It’s so hard to bare herself to her friend, but Seungmin is so nice about it, and Jisu just makes herself suck it up and do it. She’s rewarded with praise and compliments and attention, so it’s not bad at all.
The first pull is the worst. Jisu wasn’t sure what to expect, but it’s worse than whatever she’d imagined.
“Yow!” She says after the second pull.
Seungmin snickers.
“Why do people do this?”
Seungmin lines up another strip and pulls in response.
Jisu cries through the rest of the session. When Seungmin deems her perfectly hairless, she sprays the cooling spray and covers the area with aloe to help with the burning.
Seungmin pets her mons pubis and coos, ‘good job, you did such a good job, don’t cry, you look so pretty,’ and Jisu sniffles and tries to stop crying.
Later, after they clean up everything and Seungmin gives her a big sweatshirt to wear, she’s cuddling with Seungmin in bed, lightly stroking her flank and feeling the swell of her breast where it lays near her armpit, gravity pulling it to the side. Seungmin hadn’t bothered to put on clothes, but she did put on some underwear for modesty.
Seungmin is in the middle of a story about how Jeongin said this thing about Minha and then Jeongin’s tutor told Minha about it and it was a whole big thing. Jisu is still actively praying for their downfall so she’s more than happy to hear about their woes. But it’s kind of weird that they’re kind of friends with Seungmin, who is basically her best friend now.
She can’t stop thinking about what Chan said the other day. She says, “Hey. I was wondering. How do you not get pregnant?”
Seungmin laughs. “Oh Jisu, you’re so funny.”
“No really. Aren’t Felix and Hyunjin coming inside of you?” She asks.
Seungmin looks at her a bit funny. “No, of course not.”
Jisu says, “Ah, you use condoms then?”
“No. They just pull out before they come.”
“Oh. Chan was telling me and Changbin about the risks of pregnancy when you do stuff with people. He said that even if a guy comes on the outside of your pussy, you can still get pregnant. And he said the pull-out method is super risky and a lot of people get pregnant.”
Seungmin dabs at her nose. “Well yeah. I kind of like the risk of it. I think it’s hot.”
“Aren’t you scared of getting pregnant, though?”
“Honestly? No.”
Jisu arches her back to get a better look at Seungmin.
“I want to be a mother,” she continues.
Jisu thinks about Seungmin as a mother. Felix or Hyunjin would be the father, but they wouldn’t know which one. It would be cute for the three of them to raise a happy family together. Two dads and one mom. Jisu smiles.
“For sure, you would be a great mother,” she says. “But we’re so young!”
“Eh, it would make things complicated for a while, but I'm sure I could figure it out.” Seungmin pets Jisu’s arms gently.
“I asked because I was thinking about getting on birth control. Or—I guess, thinking about not getting on it.”
“Yeah? Why not?”
“Well I don’t want it to mess up my hormones. I mean, that’s like, the point, right? So I don’t get pregnant? But I like the way I look and feel right now. I don’t want it to change me.”
“That makes complete sense, Jisu.” She cranes her neck up to kiss her. “Don’t do anything you don’t want to do.”
They kiss for a few minutes. It’s soft and gentle and slow.
“Just be with me, Jisu. Then you wont have to worry about getting pregnant ever.”
Seungmin slides her hand around Jisu’s ass to pull at her cheek a little.
Jisu’s pussy lips pop open with an audible smack, indicating just how wet she already is.
“See, when I use my fingers,” she pushes two fingers under the seam of Jisu’s panties and sinks them into her up to the first knuckle. “It’s completely safe.”
Jisu giggles into her mouth. “No icky boy cooties.”
Seungmin slowly pumps her fingers into Jisu, all gentleness and sticky sweet. Jisu licks into Seungmin’s mouth and arches her back, hungry for more.
“And your precum,” she pulls her fingers out and slips them between her and Jisu’s lips. “It’s like honey.”
Jisu tastes a little bit salty today, but overall the flavor is mild and pleasing. She licks her juices off Seungmin’s lips with fervor.
“Oh, you like that, sweetie?”
Jisu nods, sucking her fingers harder.
“You’re just the sweetest little thing, aren’t you?”
Jisu shifts so she’s on her knees and spreads her legs over Seungmin. The crotch of her panties is wet; no hair to trap her slick so it’s everywhere. She can feel the coolness on her skin when she moves.
She leans down to kiss Seungmin again. Her lips are so plump and biteable.
Jisu pushes Seungmin’s panties down with her hand and cups her pussy. Seungmin is just as wet as Jisu is, and she lets out the sweetest moan when Jisu dips the pad of her middle finger between her dripping folds.
They kiss until Seungmin pulls back and catches her breath.
“Jisu-yah,” she breathes.
“Hmm?” Jisu is distracted by the red, bitten skin on Seungmin’s bottom lip. She didn’t realize she was going so rough.
“Who’s fucking you?”
“Huh?” Jisu doesn’t follow, her brain is still thinking about how Seungmin’s soft, wet pussy lips are flush against her fingers.
“You were worried about needing birth control, right? Who’s the guy?”
“Oh... Uh… I was fooling around with Felix,” Jisu says distractedly.
Seungmin’s face morphs from confused to mad. Jisu thought their weird little throuple relationship was open—had she been mistaken? Was it cheating for Felix to fool around with her? Or did Seungmin think that she and her had an exclusive thing?
“And you fucked? And he came in you?” She’s almost shouting. She props herself up on her elbows like she’s poised to get up and storm over to his house and do something about it.
Jisu still doesn’t quite get it. “No, no no no. Not really.”
Seungmin closes her mouth but her nostrils flare. She’s angry, but it’s simmering. She’s waiting for an explanation.
“He like— he was rubbing my clit and he came. I mean—with his cock. And he came on the outside. On my pussy,” Jisu pulls her hand out of Seungmin’s panties and flops back over to her spot on the bed and looks up at the ceiling. “And then I got freaked out and I asked Changbin, and then he told Chan and he made a whole presentation.” She takes a deep breath and blurts out, “There are so many ways to get pregnant!”
“Mm,” Seungmin hums.
“But I got my period,” Jisu reassures her. “So I guess I dodged a bullet.”
Seungmin, apparently discontent to be separated from Jisu, leans in to her side and kisses into her neck. “Baby, I told you.’ Her hair tickles Jisu’s chest as she kisses a little trail up to the shell of her ear. “Just be with me. Don’t let those boys touch you like I do.”
She flings her leg over Jisu so she’s on top of her and slides her hand up her tummy to Jisu’s breasts. She kisses her more, still slow, but it’s burning with something that Jisu doesn’t recognize. Seungmin seems more hungry, more aggressive in her moves. She pulls and squeezes at Jisu’s boobs, brushing and lightly pinching at her nipples until Jisu is moaning a string of nonsense into her mouth.
Seungmin pulls one of Jisu’s knees up and slots her legs between hers so their pussies are almost touching—so close but not quite. Jisu wants to touch her so badly. She squirms, rubbing her clothed pussy up and down Seungmin’s thigh. Jisu can’t reach her pussy, so she settles to grind against her thigh desperately.
Seungmin returns the action, rubbing herself against Jisu’s inner thigh, her little clitoris dragging against the fabric of her panties where it sticks out a little.
“Got that?” Seungmin asks.
Jisu doesn’t remember what she’s supposed to have gotten, all she can think about is devouring Seungmin’s pretty lips and her clitoris rubbing circles around her own.
“C’mere,” she breathes.
“Jisu-yah,” Seungmin demands. “Only let me do this, okay?”
Jisu nods, not caring what Seungmin is talking about, and pulls her down by her neck. She sucks her bottom lip into her mouth and grinds up into her thigh.
They make out like that until they’re both trembling, backs arching.
“Please,” Jisu begs. She needs more. Whatever Seungmin can give her.
Disconnecting their lips with a loud smack, Seungmin scooches down to take Jisu’s nipple into her mouth.
Jisu peels her panties off, letting them hang loosely on one knee and quickly pulls Seungmin’s down too.
Seungmin sits up, situates herself between Jisu’s thighs, and looks down as she touches Jisu’s pussy with her own. She presses herself into Jisu and slides up one time, as though experimenting with how it feels. At the top, Seungmin’s clitoris nudges her own and a bolt of electricity shoots up to her belly button.
Seungmin thrusts again, never losing contact with Jisu’s slippery pussy, their lips stuck together as she slides up and down. Its wet and slick and smooth and Jisu feels like laughing. This is so much better than Felix’s cock.
“See, baby? It feels good when I do it, hmm?”
Jisu sighs, “Yeah, feels so good, fuck.”
The complete lack of hair on either of their pussies makes the whole thing incredibly slippery.
“Just do it with me and I’ll make you feel so good, honey,” she coos. “I’ll take care of you, I promise.”
Seungmin’s words feel incredibly intimate and hot. It’s hard to concentrate on anything but the persistent pressure on her clitoris and the feeling of Seungmin’s pussy lips on hers. Jisu wonders through the fog in her brain if she’s having sex with Seungmin right now.
Chan didn’t mention rubbing pussies as a part of sex, but then again, Seungmin can’t get her pregnant.
However inchoate it is, Jisu feels kind of held and—seen?—and maybe a little bit important. And as Seungmin pushes harder into her, it almost feels like love. Jisu doesn’t know what to do with that feeling, so she lets it simmer in her belly—turn over and spin and grow until she’s seeing white and she’s twitching and spasming, and Seungmin is moaning through her own release and cooing sweet nothings into her ear and kissing up her neck gently.
And just as quickly as they began, it ends. Seungmin pulls back and lays down on her side next to Jisu. She’s panting lightly—her breath and the sheen on their chests and shoulders is the only proof that any of that actually happened.
The strange feeling in Jisu’s belly remains. When Seungmin was on top of her, she felt possessed by her. Like an item to be had, to be held and used. To be devoured, just a hint of sticky sweetness left on the corner of Seungmin’s mouth and the tips of her fingers.
She feels like something to be picked up and put down without warning. It’s confusing. She’s too scared to address it, so she lets it roil under her skin until she falls into a light slumber.
꧁ཐི༺♱jisu♱༻ཋྀ꧂
She’s cuddled up with Hyunjin on his bed watching 50 First Dates. When he asked her to hang out, she didn’t realize it would be so much like a real date. But they got margaritas and taquitos at happy hour and then stumbled back to his place for a silly rom-com, so it was basically dinner and a movie, which is a real thing people do on dates, right?
Drew Barrymore keeps saying “Nothing beats a first kiss,” and Hyunjin says, “That would be so hot to be able to have sex with someone for the first time over and over.”
Jisu laughs, but she doesn’t really think it’s funny. “Isn’t losing your virginity kind of uncomfortable though?”
“Why would you assume Drew Barrymore is a virgin? She’s like, at least twenty-five in this film.”
“Oh.”
“Was it uncomfortable for you? I mean, you definitely seem like the tight pussy type.” He laughs. “I could barely get a finger in the other night.”
Jisu has no clue what that’s supposed to mean but she moves on. In a mocking tone, she asks, “Why would you assume I’m not a virgin? I’m only twenty-one.”
“Ha! Wait. Are you actually a virgin?” He asks, incredulous.
Jisu giggles and nods.
“Holy shit, no way. I knew it!” he pulls out his phone. “I have to text Felix.”
“Stop! No, please, don’t tell the others.” Jisu is blushing furiously. If the lights were on, Hyunjin would laugh even harder at the red blooming up her neck. “I mean, Seungmin probably knows anyway.”
“Why would she know?” Hyunjin asks. He drops his phone, suddenly interested in her again.
“Well, I—” Jisu shakes her head so her hair covers her flaming carmine cheeks. “She was my first kiss, so… it kinda follows.”
“Jisu-yah! Why didn’t you tell me that! You mean at the club, on stage, was your first kiss?”
“No, we kissed before that.”
“When?”
Jisu thinks that he seems a little too eager to know all the details, but she likes the attention and the margaritas are still pumping through her system, so she says, “At her granny’s house. After you fell asleep.”
“Jisu! You are too adorable!” He leans in to pinch her cheeks. His fingers feel cold on her burning skin. “Also no fair on the kissing without me! We could have had a hot four-way makeout.”
That sounds a little crazy to Jisu but she figures he’s had more to drink than she has, so she can give him some grace.
He puts his arm around her. “Damn,” he continues. “I thought Felix took your virginity the other day.”
Jisu nearly jumps out of her seat. “What?! Why did you think that?”
“He told me you were super hot and super tight and that he made you come and then he basically came in you. He said if you were a virgin before, you definitely aren’t now.”
Jisu is baffled. Because A) why is Felix telling him all of that? And B)— “That’s not even true!” She turns to face him, movie long forgotten. “I mean. I am super hot and super tight. But we did not fuck. I’m still a virgin, thank you very much.”
“Aw, Jisu. Don’t get mad. He was just bragging because for once he got into a girls pants without my help.”
That comment makes it sound like Jisu was just a thing to play with, pants to get into rather than an actual human being. But she doesn’t get to ask him what that means because suddenly, Hyunjin is kissing her.
He’s a very sweet kisser, although it catches her off guard. He’s gentle and his plush lower lip slots softly above hers. They make out with the taste of tequila and salt on their tongues and the breezy beach boys soundtrack of the movie in the background.
He pulls back for a moment and says, “Sorry. I just had to get a taste of what I’ve been missing out on.”
She laughs and kisses him again. She sits on his lap and they kiss like that for some time.
It’s nice. Jisu likes how each of her friends has a different style of kissing. Compared to the others, Hyunjin is the gentlest—it’s borderline lazy, barely going anywhere, like a raft floating down the river wherever the current leads him.
Apparently it leads him to Jisu’s panties, because within a few minutes, they’re both stripped down to their underwear and Hyunjin is above her now. He pushes himself down onto her crotch a few times experimentally. Dry humping with him feels really good and his arms look strong and he has a really nice body. She likes the way his tattoo continues down his shoulder and onto his pec. His chest and stomach are warm against hers, unlike his cool, bony fingers.
Hyunjin moans as he drags his clothed cock across her pussy. Chan’s voice pings through her mind. Something about precum still having sperm. But she’s covered by her panties still; so it’s fine. Plus it feels too good to stop. His boner presses on her clitoris every once in a while which feels really nice, and he’s alternating between kissing her lips and kissing her neck in the sweetest, sexiest way.
Hyunjin adjusts his knees so his hard dick is right up against her entrance, and each time he thrusts up, the slightest pressure pushes into her pussy. The thought that she made him hard and the way that he can’t seem to resist stuttering his hips into hers goes straight to her head.
The lazy kisses continue, never getting desperate despite the humping, until Hyunjin breaks apart from her to pull his underwear down.
“Wait,” Jisu says. “I don’t want to have sex.”
“It’s okay, bunny, we don’t have to do anything more.”
He pumps himself a few times, pulling the foreskin back to reveal a nicely shaped and average-sized dick.
“I just don’t want to make a mess in my pants,” he says, leaning in to kiss her again.
He licks into her mouth and ruts against her pussy. “Fuck, Jisu, your pussy feels so good,” he moans.
She moans too. One less layer between them makes it that much hotter. And he sounds so sexy when he talks like that.
“I waxed it,” she says, for no reason. Her only excuse is the tequila.
“Fuck, let me see. Fuck—yeah you did,” Hyunjin says as he pulls back to see her still-clothed pussy lips squish around his cock head. “Why’d you wax it? Weren’t you going to fuck someone with that soft little kitty of yours?”
Jisu lets out a shaky half-laugh half-moan. “No—fuck,” when he pushes his cock into her clitoris she feels that delicious zing in her belly.
“You wanna stay a virgin, hm?” He asks as he pulls up the side of her panties and slips his cock under the seam. “Fuck, Jisu, you’re soaked.”
His dick is still up by her clit, but Chan’s warnings echo louder in her head.
“Ah—fuck.” It feels so good when they rub together like this. But she’s scared she’ll pregnant. “Do it on the outside instead.”
“Anything you want, baby.” Hyunjin pulls his cock out and pushes it firmly against her now-soaking underwear. “You scared I’ll slip it in?” He teases.
Jisu nods, embarrassed to admit it, but it’s true. She wants to stop talking and just make out now, so she pulls him in for another kiss.
“Don’t worry, I won’t deflower you,” he mumbles through her lips.
He grabs a hold of her waist with one hand and holds himself up with the other. He slides his dick up and down her soaked panties, making sure to press harder on her clitoris. Each time he does, she lets out the most embarrassing moan, but he seems to like it, so she allows herself that small pleasure.
From time to time, instead of sliding up her slit, his cock sticks at the entrance to her pussy. When he thrusts there, she feels the friction of her panties as he pushes the tip of his cock inside of her. He moans loudly each time this happens, and Jisu knows it’s basically sex but it feels incredible and it’s so hot, and plus her panties are there to protect her, right?
He pulls her underwear up almost like a wedgie but on her pussy. “Fuck, Jisu, your pussy lips look so good around my cock,” he moans, pushing his tip in again near her entrance.
He thrusts in and out, very shallow thrusts, but still kind of pushing into her, and Jisu feels so good, she wants more. She gets why people do stuff with people. Sex is amazing—Wait is she having sex right now?
She doesn’t care; maybe it’s the tequila, maybe she’s just a slut, but she wants to keep going with Hyunjin right now, consequences be damned.
When Jisu is a moaning, writhing mess, and she’s about to go over the edge, he takes his cock in his hand and pushes it hard against her clitoris, rubbing in little circles as she comes.
When she starts twitching from overstimulation, he pulls off and starts pumping his cock over her pussy.
Jisu opens her eyes to watch, to make sure her panties are still there to protect her.
He’s sweating and panting and rubbing his cock onto her soaked panties frantically. Jisu feels a little bit overstimulated and slightly trapped under him and she wishes he would hurry up and finish so she can get free.
Also that definitely wasn’t sex just now. She can see now that he’s just pushing the tip of his cock up against her pussy lips. Her panties were there the whole time. She realizes she’s relieved. If this had been her first time, she would have regretted it. Plus Chan told her all that stuff about unprotected sex.
Suddenly, Hyunjin collapses over her, moans loudly in her ear, and pushes his dick right up against her vagina and comes. He pushes himself into her—just the tip like he did before—and spurts his load. It’s warm, even through her panties. Jisu wonders if this is what Seungmin finds hot. She’s mostly just relieved that it’s done.
She smiles at him and he gives her one last kiss.
“God damn, Jisu. That was so hot.”
She laughs and says, “Okay, okay, get off me!”
Finally, he gets off of her and looks at her crotch. “See? Still a virgin,” he says. Then he winks, slaps her thighs and saunters out of the room.
She follows him to the bathroom and takes a shower immediately, scrubbing her vagina extra hard even though her panties caught most of the cum. When she gets out, he gives her a clean pair of underwear (probably Seungmin’s, but he must have washed them) and they finish the movie with minimal distractions. Maybe a little bit of kissing. And Jisu feels happy that she’s had a successful ‘first date’ with Hyunjin.
꧁ཐི༺♱jisu♱༻ཋྀ꧂
A large, round tear spills from her lower lash line and rolls fatly down her face. Jisu is laying on her belly with Hyunjin on her right and Felix on her left. They’re each holding one of her hands, though their soft, bony fingers are of little comfort to Jisu right now.
The tattoo artist draws another line on her lower back, the pen digging into her flesh to make the design permanent.
Jisu is finally getting the tattoo she’s always thought about getting. Well kind of. She never thought she would get a tattoo there. But when Hyunjin mentioned that his tattoo girl was starting her own parlor and wanted to get models for promotional content, Jisu couldn’t say no to the tattoo of her dreams at such a discounted rate.
On the way to the parlor, she worried aloud about where to get the design. She was debating between her ribs or her shoulder. Somewhere where it could be hidden but also somewhere where she could show it off if she wanted to was attractive to her.
Felix said, ‘why not your waist?’ and Hyunjin said ‘oh my gosh, yeah, your waist would be so hot—super fuckable. Oh wait no, what about her hips?’ And Felix agreed fervently. And Jisu was like, ‘what are you talking about?’ and he said, ‘duh, you know it’s your best feature,’ and she said, ‘no, I don’t know that.’
And then Felix started going on about how fuckable her waist is and how hot tramp stamps are and how they’re the perfect spot for a tattoo, and Jisu was persuaded because why not accentuate her 'best feature' if she could? Plus it meets her criteria of visible yet hidable.
As for the tattoo itself, she only had one idea. The word ‘Blessed’ with some kind of pretty detailing around it. Hyunjin’s girl had some really great suggestions and she made up a sketch and let Jisu tweak it how she wanted it, and then she drew the design with a purple pen to show Jisu the size on her skin. The guys were really supportive and Jisu was happy to have them there to make sure it wasn’t crooked or too big or too small. Everything looked good, so she gave the girl the green light.
So that’s how she ended up here, gripping Felix and Hyunjin’s hands, with the tattoo gun digging into the skin on her lower back.
The tattoo takes a while—she has a lot of time to think about it. She likes that it’s going to be hidden most of the time. She loves that it will be a secret for her future partners to discover. She really, really loves the meaning behind it.
Jisu’s childhood wasn’t all that great. An absent father, an overworked single mother. A lot of abandonment and neglect, if she’s honest. And then the Dark Days—when her mother left her for good. It was hard to see anything as a blessing at that time. It seemed like she had been handed the short stick in every aspect of life.
But she was blessed with the most important thing of all: Chan and Bin. They were her family when her old family was all gone. They took her in when she lost her home. They were the only bright lights in her sky for a while. And they’re still the brightest stars in her life.
The pain is worth it. She relishes it a little. It means that Channie and Binnie will be forever a part of her.
Hyunjin and Felix drop her off at home and she rushes inside to get ready. Today is monumental not only because she’s just gotten her first tattoo—she’s also bringing the boys to the club with her friends for the first time!
It’s emo kid night at the club so Jisu picks out a nice mix of her old clothes and some new slutty additions. She goes for a low-cut black cargo pant—maximum bagginess with tons of straps and zippers and D-rings. That way she can avoid friction on the raw skin at the base of her back.
For her top, she chooses a tight black tank top with a large bedazzled heart on the front. It’s got a couple of buttons at the top, but it’s so small that they have no hope of being secured shut, and the slit gapes open to let her black lace bra peek through.
She does dark black eye makeup and a deep purple lip. She uses an eyeliner pencil to add dots above and below her eyebrows and on her cheekbones to simulate dermals. (She loves the look but she’s not committed to the bit enough to actually pierce her face.) She keeps jewelry simple—no earrings and just a cross necklace that settles between her breasts nicely.
Jisu has had these dog collar bracelets for forever but they don’t go with a lot of things, so she is excited to wear them today. They’re black and have spikes and they make her feel bad-ass, and she added custom charms to them to make them look even more like dog collars.
The whole ensemble is cute—but something is lacking. It’s a bit too heavy on the emo grunge aspects, and she wants to add something to balance it out. Something feminine, delicate, something—
As she sifts through her jewelry drawer, she finds it. The waist chain she’s been waiting to wear! It will look so good with her new tattoo. Jisu savors the way it feels like cold liquid as she drops it into her palm and whisks out the door to find Chan or Bin.
“Oppa, where are you!” She shouts as she walks into the living room. “Oh, hi!”
They’re both sitting on the couch looking at their phones.
Jisu pouts when she sees they’re only wearing black t-shirts and black jeans. She knows they don’t have as many clothes as her, but she still wishes they would be a bit more festive.
“Wow, Jisu! I love your outfit!” Changbin says enthusiastically.
She does a tiny little hop, her disappointment evaporating as soon as she hears his praise. “Thank you!” She sings.
Jisu turns to Chan. “What do you think, Oppa?”
“Lookin’ great, baby bug.”
She beams. Jisu loves when he calls her baby bug.
“I need to add one thing though.” She pulls the chain from her palm and holds it up.
“A necklace?” Chan asks.
She giggles, “No, silly, I’m already wearing my necklace.” She leans forward so he can see the cross that sits right on her cleavage. That he has to look at her boobs to see her necklace is either carefully calculated or a happy accident.
“It’s a waist chain,” Binnie says.
Jisu is shocked that he knows what that is, but he’s always liked fashion.
Chan apparently feels the same way. He whips his head to look at Bin and says, “How do you know that?”
Bin just shrugs.
“Well I need your help to put it on,” she interrupts. “Channie? Would you?”
He gets up and she hands him the chain and does a 180.
Stunned silence follows.
Her cheeks hurt from how hard she’s smiling. This is the best tattoo reveal ever. She shakes her hips a little and says, “Hello? Channie Oppa?”
“Jisu,” he says, his tone dangerous. “What is that?”
“Oh that?” She giggles. “This is my new tattoo! Do you like it?”
More stunned silence.
Changbin’s voice is strained when he asks, “Is it real?”
She laughs again, but it’s nervous now. Was it ugly? No, it can’t be. It’s beautiful and it’s just what she wanted.
“Um, yeah! It’s a real tattoo, why?”
“Nothing,” Chan says. He quickly reaches around her waist and clasps the chain at the back. She can feel the little charm at the back dangle down near her tattoo. The charm says 'heaven sent' so it kind of matches.
She pulls her face back into a big grin turns back around. “Thank you, Oppa!” She kisses him on the cheek.
Chan laughs and ducks away from her quickly. He’s halfway across the room before Jisu even realizes he’s leaving.
“Um, I’m gonna go, um—to my room. Did you eat yet Jisu? I made some dumplings. They’re um, in the kitchen,” he says. “Why don’t you go have some? Not good to drink on an empty belly,” he calls over his shoulder and then he’s gone.
She turns to Changbin only to see him sneaking out of the room too. “Uh, bathroom,” he mutters.
Jisu stands there for a second, confused, but she actually is starving from skipping lunch while she was getting the tattoo, so she goes to find those dumplings.
She must have been hearing things but she would swear she hears some noises coming from the direction of Chan’s room. She brushes it off, figuring he’s probably changing or something.
Before Jisu even gets the first dumpling into her mouth, doors are slamming and Changbin is brushing his teeth and Chan comes to the kitchen sink to gargle water, which, what the fuck?
He also is still wearing the black shirt and jeans so she doesn’t even know why he went to his room.
The entire past two minutes have been extremely weird but whatever. Jisu’s back hurts and her nerves are all alight from the thought of bringing Chan and Changbin to the club. She hopes they like the drag performers and the music.
While she’s in the backseat, she realizes that she doesn’t like the way her bracelets look with her outfit. She considers leaving them in Changbin’s car, but then she gets a better idea.
Since the boys have such lame outfits, why not let them wear one each? It’ll make them fit in and Jisu feels so happy when they let her wear their clothes. She wants to make them happy too, so she asks Chan and Bin to stick out their arms and she puts a bracelet on each of their wrists. She wishes she could have done it like a surprise with their eyes shut but Changbin is still driving so she settles for just asking them not to look until she’s done.
They look so much cooler with their collars on. When they get out of the car, Jisu sees the full effect and she does a little hop because it’s so fun. They almost look like they’re matching now with the bracelets. She grabs both of their arms and they walk three-wide to the door of the club.
At the show, Jisu gives Chan and Binnie a handful of ones to tip the performers and they seem really into it. Jisu is so happy that they’re having a good time! She leaves them for a moment to go to the bar for another drink.
“What can I get you?” The bartender asks.
“Hi, could I have a long beach?” She shouts over the pumping bass.
He nods. “How long?”
“What?” She shouts.
The bartender looks dismayed. “Let me see your ID!”
Jisu’s face mirrors his as she scrambles to find her ID.
“Is this your first time?” He shouts.
“No!” She hands him her ID.
“I just never heard of someone not getting that joke!”
“What joke!” She shouts.
He rolls his eyes and hands her back her ID. “Never mind, I’ll give it to you long!”
She watches him pour the drink and it’s… generous.
It burns when she swallows the first gulp, but she’s already buzzed so she can barely taste it.
She’s near the door when Hyunjin, Felix, and Seungmin arrive. They all start screaming and oohing and ahhing and Jisu shows Seungmin her tattoo and she freaks out in the best way.
Jisu leads them back to where Chan and Changbin were, but she’s lost track of them in the crowd. Maybe they went to the bar or the bathroom. Oh well, she’s not sober enough to care and now that her other friends are here she focuses on enjoying the performances and having a good time.
Later, when the show has ended and the stage is opened for anyone to dance, Seungmin pulls her up on stage. She holds her half-empty drink and shakes her hips and swings her head to the beat of the music.
One thought crystallizes through her drunken stupor. Where are her boys?
She searches the crowd for them again, and finds them standing near the wall, arms crossed, and eyes on her. A zing of happiness shoots through her—she loves them so much and she’s so happy they’re here.
She wants to go talk to them and ask Changbin what he thought of the performer who did the girl group cover but Seungmin pulls her back into the dance so she settles for a smile and a wave. Her drink sloshes over her hand because she waved her drink hand. Oops. The floor was already pretty sticky though, so no big deal.
Several more times, Jisu looks up to see her boys. They’re always there, watching her from afar. She misses them so badly.
This is the best night ever. She throws her arms around Seungmin to tell her she’s going to get another drink and Seungmin cackles and points to the one in her hand. “What about this one? Drink it first!”
Jisu looks dumbly at the mostly-empty cup. Seungmin is right, but she also wants to have an excuse to get off stage because she really, really misses Chan and Bin so she slips the straw between her lips and chugs the rest of the acidic stuff down like it’s water.
She stumbles down from the stage and makes her way through the sweaty masses to find her boys.
“Myb-oys!” She shouts when she sees them.
She stumbles into them and they each catch one of her arms and steady her.
“Oop-sy daisy!” She giggles. “Are you—” she hiccups “—havi’fun?” Her tongue doesn’t seem to be working right but that’s okay. It’s fun to make new sounds.
She looks into Changbin’s face. She thinks he might have replied but she was busy looking at his curly hair and cute nose.
“Your nose!” She bursts into laughter. “I’s-so cute!” She laughs and laughs and suddenly she’s crying and she literally loves his nose so much she can’t breathe.
Chan pulls up beside her and puts his hand under her chin.
“Jisu, I’m going to give you some water.” He holds a full bottle of water up to her lips, but she’s not thirsty right now.
She peers at him through the tears clinging to her lashes. “Hey, where—didjou go?” Jisu genuinely didn’t notice him leave.
“Shh, Jisu focus on me,” he calmly says.
She looks up at him and blinks, only to start crying again.
“What’s wrong?” Chan asks, slightly worried now.
“I don’t know she kept rambling on about my nose and then she started crying,” Changbin says.
Jisu hiccups again and blinks hard, desperate to clear the tears. “I—” She gasps, her diaphragm struggling to keep up with her sobs. “—love you-rnose, t-too, Oppa,” she blithers.
“Thank you sweetheart, now let’s drink some water, yeah?”
She pouts her trembling lips into a small o and waits for Chan to tip the water into her mouth. Some of it leaks and tumbles down her chest, but she drinks about half the bottle, Chan murmuring ‘yes, that’s it, good girl,’ before she pulls away from him.
She smiles at her boys. “I’m so glad you’re h-here,” she says, sniffling and wiping her chin with the back of her arm. She wants to hug them and dance with them and kiss their cute noses. And she wants another drink.
“We had a lot of fun, bug,” says Changbin.
Chan nods. “Yeah, we were thinking about heading home soon.”
Jisu warps her face into a pout to rival all pouts. “Please, let’s stay—” and she drags the ‘ay’ out really long. “I’m having s’much fun! I wanna dance withy-ou, please stay?” She blinks up at them through her long eyelashes.
“Five more minutes,” Chan begrudges her.
“Yippee!” She drags them to the center of the crowd where Seungmin and the guys are dancing.
Seungmin is squished between the two of them, and they’re both kissing down her neck and grinding on either hip and they look…cute, Jisu supposes.
Her favorite song comes on and everything else disappears. She’s dancing and jumping and holding on to her boys, and her whole body feels wiggly like the music is vibrating through her bones. This is the best night ever.
When she stumbles and falls Chan catches her before she lands face-down on the sticky club floor. He hoists her up and says, “Okay, let’s go sit down.”
He brings her to a couch in a relatively quieter corner of the club, Changbin right behind him, and sets her down next to another girl. She looks like she’s had a bit too much to drink; her hair is mostly covering her face and her head is lolling listlessly.
Jisu pats her on the shoulder. “Hey, hey, are you okay?”
The girl looks up at her, and her face is completely slack—no thoughts in those eyes.
“Are you okay?” Jisu asks again, louder.
The girl nods. Just then, her friend returns with a bottle of water.
Jisu looks up at the girl. “Hey, I think-your fri-end is a li’l drunk.”
The girl smiles back at her and gestures to the water. But before she can administer it to her friend, Jisu is twisting around and displaying her back to the girl, shouting, “I got a ta-too yesterday, loogatit!”
Changbin pulls at Jisu’s shoulders, and says something to the girl with the water that Jisu doesn’t catch.
“Stop it, Oppa, I’m showing my friend my tram’stam…” Jisu wiggles out of his grip.
Chan squats down in front of Jisu.
“Okay, honey. I think it’s time we head out. Can you stand up?”
“No!” Jisu protests. She’s having so much fun, it’s still early, and she wants to drink more. “I wanna stay!”
Chan takes her hands and holds them firmly. “I really want to go home. Can you come with me?”
She looks at him through slightly-crossed eyes. The two Chans swim before her and he gives the impression of a begging dog with his big round eyes.
“Please?” He adds.
“I don’t wanna,” she whines, sitting back onto the sofa. “I’ll go home with Hyunjin.”
Chan stands up and she already misses him.
“Has he been drinking?” Changbin asks.
Jisu shakes her head.
Changbin mutters something to Chan who slips away into the crowd.
It’s Binnie’s turn to crouch in front of Jisu and beg at her feet.
“Please come home with us, Jisu. You’re going to regret this.”
She refuses.
And she resents that they’re leaving, too. Don’t they want to stay with her and have fun? Don’t they like her friends and her interests? Maybe they’re just bluffing trying to get Jisu to leave. But why would they do that when she’s having so much fun? Do they hate being here with her that much? Can’t they stay for her?
She pouts on the couch until Chan comes back. They say goodbye, and they actually walk out of the door, up the dirty, narrow stairs, and never come back down. She watches and watches but they never reappear. Her head feels like lead and she almost falls asleep, but eventually Seungmin finds her there.
She gets pulled back into the crowd and tries to dance off the sadness, and it mostly works. The drink that Felix hands her helps to drown her sorrows and she makes a comeback soon after.
Even with the renewed energy, surrounded by her friends, it’s hard to stop thinking about how they just left her here. She’s not sad about it anymore, she’s totally over it. But she’s just mad that they would do that. Because like, who leaves in the middle of a night out?
Hyunjin buys them a round of shots and Jisu forgets her spite somewhere between the silly laughs and wobbly legs. She finds herself sandwiched between Felix and Seungmin and there are hands all over her and she feels good because they love her. They want to be with her. More than Channie and Binnie do. Channie and Binnie seem embarrassed by Jisu. They didn’t even like her new tattoo.
Plus, they left her here with them. A sick, sarcastic voice in her head tells her that they want Jisu to go home with her friends. And Felix and Seungmin want her. It’ll be easy to fall into their bed.
With Seungmin’s lips all over hers and Felix’s hands gripping her hips, grinding himself into her ass, and Hyunjin bringing another round of shots, she finally gets it. They’re the ones who love the new Jisu.
After she throws back the shot—what was it, the tenth? eleventh?—things get a little fuzzy. She’s in the club, and then she’s not. Seungmin (maybe?) is pulling her into the back of Hyunjin’s car.
She has her eyes closed in the car so she doesn’t know whose hands are groping her, pushing their fingers into her panties and sliding their finger up and down her slit, but it makes her skin tingle and she feels so happy that she has so many people to love her and want to take care of her tonight.
Someone moves her hand to someone’s chest—full breasts so it must be Seungmin. She squeezes them gently, in awe at how beautiful her best friend is. She can feel something hard against her thigh—that one must be Felix—
The next thing she’s conscious of is someone carrying her up the stairs (even though she can totally walk on her own.) Maybe they thought she fell asleep.
Next time she opens her eyes, she’s on Hyunjin’s huge bed. The other three are in various states of undress, Hyunjin and Felix are making out sloppy style with bulges tenting out above their open zippers. Seungmin asks Jisu if she’s awake and wants to join them, and Jisu says ‘yeah.’
It’s a mess of bodies and hands and she’s being touched everywhere. It’s fun but there’s a strange tone; it still feels a bit hollow.
Seungmin leans down to lick at her pussy and Jisu wonders when her pants got off. Felix is sitting between her legs doing something if Seungmin’s moans are a sign of anything. Hyunjin gets out his dick and Felix opens his mouth as if he’s trained, or maybe he’s just really hungry for it. Jisu watches without really comprehending anything. She almost feels like she’s watching a movie instead of being actually present.
Seungmin’s moaning and whining as she laps at her clitoris. She pulls off to ask Jisu, “Wanna sixty-nine?”
Jisu’s never done that, but she thinks she’d like to lick Seungmin’s pussy so she agrees. It’s a bit funny to crawl under her, but the alcohol makes it so she doesn’t feel a twinge even when she lays on her fresh tattoo. Now that she’s just centimeters from Seungmin’s pussy, she can see what Felix is doing to her. He’s got two fingers in her pussy along with his smallish dick.
Jisu flattens her tongue and licks Seungmin’s clitoris as best she can but she can’t take her eyes off of where Felix is fucking her. Sex is incredible at this distance. Is Jisu about to lose her virginity?
Next thing she knows, Seungmin’s got three fingers inside of her and the tingly tension in her lower belly is ramped up, white hot. She’s going to come from Seungmin’s tongue swirling and sucking on her clitoris.
It’s her first time doing any of this so she mimics Seungmin’s actions as best she can but there’s so much going on, she probably does a terrible job.
Pretty soon Seungmin loses it and comes. Jisu watches with rapt fascination at her pussy flutter and twitch around Felix’s cock and fingers. Seungmin’s moans sound so sexy and they vibrate around her pussy and Jisu comes with her, fast and hot.
Suddenly, Seungmin is gone and Jisu’s still laying right next to Felix’s dick. Felix puts his slick-coated fingers in her mouth and Jisu sucks at them hungrily. Seungmin tastes so good. He asks if he can fuck Jisu’s mouth now and she hesitates. It sounds scary and she’s never done that before.
“That’s okay, I can just fuck your pussy instead.”
So Felix pulls Jisu up to sit on his cock and she’s not really on it, it’s much closer to dry humping except it’s feeling very wet with all of Seungmin’s come and spit between the two of them. His dick is kind of sliding around, but then it pokes her right at her entrance and it hurts so she kind of jumps off .
“Ouch, that hurts,” Jisu says. “Let’s not do that right now.”
Hyunjin pulls Felix away from her and they start making out. Jisu’s heart is racing because she thinks she might have almost just had sex and she doesn’t know exactly what’s going on. Her head feels really heavy from the vodka and the post-orgasm chemicals in her brain are making her feel sleepy but the adrenaline is keeping her alert.
Seungmin is beside her now, saying, “Jisu, do you want to keep going?”
And Jisu nods yes. “But I don’t wanna have sex.”
“That’s okay, come with me, let’s just kiss.”
She and Seungmin kiss for a while, and then Felix flops his body between them to try and lick at Seungmin’s pussy. She gets up on her knees and guides Jisu so they’re both kneeling over Felix, with her pussy over his face and Jisu kneeling over his belly. She sits on Felix’s face and grinds down hard. Felix comes very quickly after that, and Jisu feels it spurt hot against her back and ass.
Someone starts licking Jisu’s butt cheek and she twists to find Hyunjin there. He looks really funny back there so she starts laughing really hard. This whole thing is suddenly really hilarious to Jisu.
She was so sheltered before. The old Jisu would never even dream of doing this. But in a matter of months, she’s making out with a girl while a guy licks another guy’s come off of her ass. It’s really too funny. She collapses onto the bed in giggles, and pretty soon they’re all laughing.
Hyunjin flips her over and starts eating her out, and she’s feeling so good and happy and loved that she doesn’t even care that he’s probably still got Felix’s come in his mouth.
She’s gotten come on her pussy so many times, and it’s always been fine. Chan was definitely just exaggerating about the risk of pregnancy.
The thought of Chan brings her laughter to an abrupt end. But she’s not going to let her hurt feelings ruin this for her.
She focuses on Hyunjin eating her out. It’s nice, but it’s no Seungmin. Jisu looks around to find where she is, and Seungmin comes to her side right away.
“Were you looking for me, Jiji?” She coos.
Jisu nods.
“What do you need, baby?”
“You,” Jisu whines, pulling her on top of her. She pushes Hyunjin away with her foot and rubs herself down on Jisu, who kisses her with her whole tongue. She wants to devour and be devoured.
“You only want me, don’t you baby. Don’t let those boys fuck you, huh?” She grinds down, rubbing their clits together in the slippery mess. “Only I can fuck you, isn’t that right, Jiji?
Maybe Seungmin is a bit possessive but the way she fucks Jisu with sloppy thrusts and whispering like that in her ear, Jisu feels so loved and so sexy.
“Fuck, can I please put my dick in someone, please,” Hyunjin says.
Jisu and Seungmin burst into giggles.
Mischief dances behind Seungmin’s big brown eyes as she asks Jisu, “Should I let him hit?”
Jisu just laughs again and shrugs. “Does he deserve it?”
“I do, I do, I was your D.D. and everything, please let me hit, Seungminnie,” Hyunjin butts in.
Seungmin pretends to ponder. “That’s true…”
“You already let Felix hit and he didn’t do anything to deserve it!”
Seungmin laughs. “Felix couldn’t help himself, he was humping me like a horny rabbit. It was a pity hit.”
“Hey!” Felix exclaims from where he sits somewhere on the other side of the bed.
“Please, Minnie, I’m so horny, I can’t resist it,” Hyunjin immediately begins begging and—humping? Jisu feels something hard poke between her and Seungmin’s vulvas.
“Fuck, you’re so wet, holy shit, Minnie, ple—”
Seungmin reaches back and pulls her ass cheek open. “Fine,” she obliges.
She rolls her eyes at Jisu and they giggle, but it’s not long before Seungmin is wide-eyed and open-mouthed; obviously getting her shit rocked. Each time Hyunjin fucks into her, she ruts forward slightly, rubbing their clits together again.
“Fuck, baby, fuck—” Seungmin whines.
“What does it feel like?” Jisu asks, mesmerized.
Seungmin whimpers. “He’s so big—ngnh—and your pussy feels so good, Jiji.”
Somehow the concept of Hyunjin fucking Seungmin fucking Jisu is even hotter, and Jisu wonders if she’s about to come for the second time.
Seungmin kisses her sloppily, and Jisu licks and sucks at her tongue and her lips and whatever she can reach.
Hyunjin speeds up his thrusts, moaning about her tight pussy and how she’s going to make him come inside, like he’s unable to stop, how her pussy is gripping him so well so he’s not going to pull out, and he’s going to blow his load directly into her and knock her up. She moans and whines into Jisu’s mouth. Then he says “Fuck, I’m coming,” and pushes into her hard.
Seungmin comes at the same time as him, a small trail of drool dropping out of her open mouth as she shakes and groans and trembles. Hyunjin’s babbling and moaning and twitching.
Jisu is wide-eyed, wondering if that really just happened.
He steps away from Seungmin and Jisu feels a warm glob of something spill out as he does.
Holy shit, he really did come inside of her.
Jisu waits patiently for Seungmin to regain her poise and then gently pushes her off so they can sit up.
Although she really does think Chan was exaggerating about the external sex being a pregnancy risk, coming inside of someone is definitely not. She asks Seungmin to go take a shower so she can help her clean it off.
Jisu is still a bit wobbly on her knees and she almost falls two or three times, but they both use baby soap to wash their pussies with extra care, and even go so far as to finger each other with their clean fingers. It’s a good idea to scoop the cum out if they can. And if they take a little bit longer and bring each other over the edge more time, that’s none of Hyunjin’s or Felix’s business.
Felix has a bunch of fries and a frozen pizza ready when they get out of the shower and after eating, Jisu actually feels very normal except for the ringing in her ears from the loud music and the fact that her head kind of feels like its full of helium, buoyant and pulling up on her spine like the taught string of a party balloon.
Hyunjin pulls off the top sheet from his bed and they crash there in a big pile right after. But before she succumbs to the exhaustion, she remembers to text Changbin that she’s home. Even though they left her at the club, she should still tell him that she’s okay.
safe and happy at hyunjin’s house
crashing here
It’s marked ‘read’ instantly, and Jisu finally falls asleep.
꧁ཐི༺♱jisu♱༻ཋྀ꧂
Alone, tucked in her favorite corner of the library, Jisu is catastrophizing about her chemistry midterm. It’s the last general education requirement for her major. After failing it last time, she’s desperate to get at least a ‘D’ and move on.
Jisu has already missed a lot of classes this term. She thought that it’d be easy since she was still the old Jisu the last time she studied the content, and she had been getting by with a C+ until the slut era began. But she realized today that without at least a ‘B’ on the midterm, her hopes of passing chemistry were slim.
She resolves not to do this to herself again before the final. All she has to do is go to class and she should be able to learn the material. It just sucks that going to class is extremely difficult when she’s hungover from clubbing the night before. Staying awake once she’s there is even harder. In the weeks since the day she got the tramp stamp, she only attended class about half the time. And it’s been nearly a month—she’s missed a lot.
Five minutes later and Jisu is all but banging her head against the table. If she has to calculate the number of hydrogen atoms in the sample one more time she’s going to just drop out of college.
Jisu knows that she isn’t that smart. It’s never been easy for her to do things involving both numbers and words. On the one hand, she knows it’s her own fault that she isn’t doing well in class. But on the other hand, she can’t shake the conviction that the number of hydrogen atoms in 51.8 grams of glucose is a stupid thing to know.
Like by all means, make everyone take English. Make everyone take history, social studies, or a second language for all she cares. But science? At least with math you can say that everyone uses math from time to time.
She opens twitter to distract herself. As she’s scrolling through the humdrum (a dystopian mix of anime shippers and doomsday alarmists) she sees something that catches her eye.
XSU CONFIDENTIAL @xsu_confidential
my lab partner is in love with our TA. i get it though because she’s the most intelligent and elegant human being i’ve ever seen. — 20XX BioSciBeautifulTA
Oh? A confessions account for her school? She had no idea something like this existed. She clicks on the profile. It has a few thousand followers. Jisu hovers her thumb over the follow button, debating whether or not she should press it. She likes to keep her online stuff anonymous.
She scrolls down a few tweets to see what else people confessed.
XSU CONFIDENTIAL @xsu_confidential
I steal library books. They never collect the fines and they say it’ll stop you from graduation, but they never enforce it. — 20XX property_is_a_social_construct
XSU CONFIDENTIAL @xsu_confidential
i just don’t think that she likes me that much anymore. — 20XX PleaseCallMeJinyoungie
XSU CONFIDENTIAL @xsu_confidential
Someone from my dorm is sleeping with his professor. And it’s not in a sexy age gap mommy kink way. It’s just weird. — 20XX DowntoClown420
Oh, this is juicy. Jisu keeps scrolling, looking for anything she might recognize. She loves to know people’s secrets. A lot of love confessions, a lot of gossip about roommates. And quite a few lonely people hoping their crush will notice them. It’s all pretty juvenile. And then she sees it.
XSU CONFIDENTIAL @xsu_confidential
i have an update about the film studies whore. this disgusting slut has gonorrhea AND chlamydia. she’s telling everyone she sleeps with that it’s a UTI. STAY AWAY! —20XX FilmStudiesWHORE
XSU CONFIDENTIAL @xsu_confidential
New Slut on campus! She went from frumpy to humpy in a matter of weeks! Turns out she puts out for more than just her guard dogs. — 20XX FilmStudiesHoe
Jisu reads it once.
Twice.
Three times.
It’s about her. For sure. There’s no way there’s another girl in her major who became a slut and also has ‘guard dogs.’ And it was posted just a few days ago.
Rage fills her eyes with tears. She clicks on the tweet to see if anyone replied to it.
kyou @steamingragu
LMFAOOO CLOCK HER!!!!!myst 🖤 @starryeyeslino
omg i’m gonna pukesunny @sunlitfics
not this bitch again.
Again? What does that mean? She scrolls past the barfing emojis and reaction gifs. Which, by the way: grow up.
angel @leebitcoree
the way i know EXACTLY who this is aboutbunny @bunnyhearts
eww. #that girl once again exposed ?? … someone stop her!millie ✮ @quokkamilk
JSH *cough* wait what? who said that?
Wait. People seem to think they know who this is about. And they seem to think it’s about her. Jisu scrolls back up and checks the quote tweets. It has … a lot. What the fuck? No way people actually recognize her.
Muffin @fluffygirl
hope her dogs got their shots this year. disgusting!!freaky nova 💫 @_xxfairytalexx
LSDKFJLSD no stop because i saw her yesterday itching her crotch…rey ꩜ @princessjiji
and if i say h** j*** will i get stoned?mila 𓂃✍︎@hansighh
nasty as fuck………… wrap it up folks!!
Her blood roils under her skin. This can’t be happening. There’s just no way. Jisu knows it’s about her. But how do other people know it’s about her?
She reads and rereads the comments again. She clicks on the profiles. There’s nothing there to indicate who is behind the accounts. She doesn’t bother looking for more—she can barely see through the tears clouding her eyes.
She blinks furiously, trying to clear away the tears. She’s so angry that she’s crying about this.
Jisu reads the bio of the confessions account: ‘All submissions are 100% confidential. Submit your confession here’ and there’s a link. No way to find out who made the submission, then. That’s fine. It’s not like Jisu was already planning to call in a bomb threat on their house.
Honestly fuck whoever wrote this. Talking shit on twitter is so immature. Plus, Jisu doesn’t even have a UTI, that’s just factually incorrect and frankly baseless. God forbid a girl have an itch in her crotch.
She reads the original tweet again, this time in Jeongin’s grating voice.
Another flood of hot tears stings her eyes. She’s sure that Jeongin and Minha are behind this. When would they leave her alone? Why do they hate her so much? Still? Even after everything she’s done.
First they hated Jisu because she was a prude. They made cruel jokes at her expense when she wasn’t even a slut. So Jisu did the opposite. She became as slutty as possible, open, loud and proud. And they still have a problem with her. They are impossible to please.
Jisu knows that she shouldn’t care what they think. She has friends to go out with and tons of experience now. But a handful of friends and sexual escapades don’t come close to making up for the dozens of hate tweets under Jeongin’s anonymous tweet who all seem to know who it’s about. Does everyone agree that she’s humpy? What the fuck does that even mean?
It’s sick and twisted—some insidious karma—that most of these people probably didn’t even know who she was before she started her slut era. Seungmin didn’t know her, Felix and Hyunjin didn’t know her, nobody who she’s met at the clubs knew her. If she had just stayed in her lane, it would have been only Minha and Jeongin who hated her. But now there’s dozens of them. Dozens. Everyone hates Jisu, and it’s all their fault; those awful, horrible bitches.
She can’t be here anymore. The only thing worse than crying over what those bitches said is being seen crying about what those assholes on twitter said about her. Besides, fuck chemistry and fuck the molar mass of ammonia. She’ll just do really well on the final.
She packs up her things through the tears and leaves the library in a blur.
⛓⛓ ࣪ › binnie ˖ ° ⛓⛓
Changbin is taken by surprise when Jisu rushes in the door and runs through the living room. He was actually sitting on the sofa waiting for her to come back. She doesn’t say anything to him, but he gets a glimpse of her face and it’s red and blotchy. She runs to her room and slams the door behind her.
Changbin is at her door within seconds.
He knocks, calling softly, “Jisu what’s wrong?”
She doesn’t reply, but he doesn’t give up. He knocks gently, calling out from time to time. He just wants her to know that he’s still here. That he’s not giving up. Eventually he settles himself on the floor by her door, waiting for a sound or a sign. His poor Jisu.
He doesn’t know what happened, but he didn’t protect her and now something is happening and it’s bad and Jisu is spiraling and it’s hurting her (and by extension, him.) Not just tonight. She’s been on a steady downward spiral for the past few months.
He’s pretty sure he isn’t the one who caused it, but it still hurts to see her cry. And he should have been there to protect her from whatever it was that started all of this. The memory of the day that he found her wandering the street last fall floats through his brain. Sitting there, on the rough carpet, he feels the immense weight of disappointment pressing down on his shoulders. He feels terrible.
Chan comes out, curious about the door slamming.
“What’s going on?” He calls out, right before he spots Changbin on the floor. “What are you doing down there? Is she okay?” He looks at Jisu’s door.
“Bro, I don’t know,” he replied quietly. “She was—” He broke off into miming crying so she doesn’t hear him through the door.
Chan nods, getting the message.
“Come on, mate. Best give her her space.” Chan helps him up and leads him back into his room.
He face plants on Chan’s bed. “I don’t know what to do,” he says, voice muffled by the soft gray comforter.
“What do you think you could do?” Chan asks. He sounds skeptical but still kind. Always kind.
Changbin thinks for a minute. “Follow her everywhere and find out who’s causing all of this,” he suggests, though he knows it’s a stupid idea.
“It didn’t work too well last time you followed her somewhere to save her, plus you promised not to do that again.”
That’s true. “Lock her in her room Rapunzel-style.”
Chan snorts. “Listen, bro. I’m stressed out by her too. It kills me that she’s destroying her own peace, and I hate that it seems to be intentional.”
Changbin lifts his head and twists to look at his Hyung.
He continues, “But maybe we need to let her go a little bit? Figure her own thing out?”
Changbin nods, although he hates that idea.
“She’ll come back to us.”
Just waiting for her to come back seems wrong. He can’t shake the disquieting feeling that something irreversibly wrong will happen unless he intervenes.
Chan sits down on the bed next to him.
“Can I lay here?”
Changbin scoots over in lieu of a reply.
Chan curls into Changbin’s side and doesn’t say another word. They fall asleep like that; mutually missing Jisu—scared for Jisu—but only having each other for comfort.
He woke up before Chan did. Extricating himself from the tangle of legs and blankets was no easy feat. He left Chan sleeping peacefully in his bed and slunk out to the bathroom to wash the sweat from his skin.
He was worried when he didn’t see Jisu up and about, and he went as far as raising a fist to her door, but he stopped himself. Chan’s words rang in his ears. ‘Let her go a little bit,’ he said.
But they have a saying about old dogs and new tricks. Changbin made himself a bowl of cereal and then ate it in the hallway outside of her bedroom, listening between bites for any sign of life behind the door.
At this point, it’s been nearly 9 hours since he saw her face or heard even a peep from behind her door.
He’s in the middle of catastrophizing about all the ways she could have hurt herself alone in her room, dirty cereal bowl strewn aside and forgotten, when his alarm goes off.
Oh shit. Jisu has a test that he was going to drive her to, and they need to leave the house within the next 5 minutes or she won’t make it in time.
He knocks on the door and it’s somewhere between gentle and frantic; he doesn’t want to wake Chan, but he wants desperately to wake Jisu.
A distant thought crosses his mind that this exact situation has played out in a different place at a different time. But he’s only got one thing at the top of his mind: get Jisu out and to her test right now.
“Go away, I’m sleeping,” a very sleepy voice eventually shouts through the door. That also rings a bell.
“Jisu, you have a test in like, one minute.”
“Go away!” She says, louder this time.
“Come on, Jisu, you can’t skip your test,” Changbin pleads. “Let me take you.”
“I’m already late,” she argues.
“I’m sure your professor will let you in. I’ll speed—”
“I don’t care. I’m not going.”
Changbin is at a loss. What on earth happened to cause this kind of reaction? Being upset for this long is one thing. Hell, changing your entire personality over the course of several months is one thing. But missing your midterms? This is beginning to affect Jisu’s academics in a real, irreversible, won’t-graduate-on-time-unless-she-takes-summer-school type of way.
“Are you at least… Are you okay?” He asks.
There’s a long stretch of silence. Long enough that he thinks she’s back to ignoring his existence. But then, so faintly that he could almost miss it, a tiny, “I don’t know,” filters through the door.
Whatever fragile hope Changbin built over the course of the conversation dissolves into dust when he hears her reply.
‘I don’t know’ is not good enough. Changbin needs her to be okay. No—better than okay. He needs her to be happy. Safe, healthy, and happy. He’s going crazy because he can’t seem to make that happen for her. It’s like everything he does misses the target. When he does everything for her, she gets angry. When he lets her do her own thing, she does—this, whatever this is—but it’s still not happy.
Despite having slept all night with Chan, he feels very tired, sitting on the floor outside of Jisu’s room. He drags himself to the sofa and curls up under the blankets there. That way, if Jisu decides to come out of her room, he’ll be able to be there for her.
꧁ཐི༺♱jisu♱༻ཋྀ꧂
Jisu didn’t come out of her room for the entire first night or the entire next day.
She doesn’t come out until around 2 a.m. the next night, when the pain in her stomach becomes unbearable and she almost passes out on the way to the bathroom.
The first thing she does is refill her water bottle with fresh water. She’s been drinking bathroom sink water, which tastes like pennies for some reason, even though they say it comes from the same pipes. The cold kitchen tap water tastes amazing and she chugs about half a bottle before refilling it one more time.
Then she heats up some food that has her name on it from the fridge. She can only assume that Chan saved her a serving of the food he made and marked it with a sticky note for her.
It’s really good. It’s kimchi jjim, even better reheated, and she ends up eating two and a half bowls of rice because it’s so delicious and comforting. It reminds her of kimjang, when she brought back the kimchi and Chan kissed her on the top of her head.
Thankfully nobody wakes up while she’s out of her room, and she quietly rinses the dishes, stuffs her arms full of snacks, and retreats back into her room for another hibernation. Maybe she’ll marathon the entire Twilight Saga.
She’s not really sure why she’s avoiding Chan and Changbin. They didn’t do anything to her. But the fact that they were a witness to her slow, spiraling descent and the final crash out overwhelms her with shame. Being alone in her room is much easier than facing what she’s done.
Similarly, she avoids opening her grades. She’s sure that a zero on the midterm has tanked her score in chemistry. Luckily her other classes were all scripts and papers and character analysis—easy enough to do from the comfort of her bed.
In her bed, she could just write. She could exist outside of herself, or maybe in spite of herself. In her bed, nobody was looking at her body. Nobody was expecting sex from her. And nobody was policing her behavior, talking about her. Or—if they were, Jisu was blissfully unaware.
Earlier this evening, she tried to look at the tweets again, but found that the entire app was deleted from her phone. She didn’t recall doing that, but she didn’t have the guts to re-download it.
What if there are more people talking shit about you? A sick voice in her head taunts now, as she curls up in bed with a package of cookies.
She opens an incognito browser and finds the account in less than a minute.
Crunching on her cookies, she reads the tweets and the replies again. It hurts less this time. Her body might have recognized that the fight or flight was unneeded and unrewarded. Or maybe she feels better just knowing that she’s safe at home. Immured by her own shame, but sheltered nonetheless.
Nothing much new since the first time she saw them. The tweet got a few more likes and retweets, but it was all the same. People laughing at her, spreading lies about her. Shame burns low in her belly.
The worst part is that she doesn’t know what she did to make Minha and Jeongin hate her so much. The only thing she can think of is jealousy. They might have been jealous of her pure image, how classily she carried herself.
But they hate her now, too. Maybe even more than before. And now they’re drawing attention to her online. You drew attention to yourself. The voice in her head taunts again.
She feels a lump develop in the back of her throat but she already swore she was done crying about it. She takes deep breaths, calming her nerves and releasing the tension in her shoulders.
Jisu goes back to her phone for a distraction. Her phone was dead when she woke up this morning. She had plans to go to the cafe and celebrate the completion of her midterm with Seungmin and Hyunjin, which obviously didn’t happen. She plugged it in and went back to bed some time during the day yesterday, so when she finally did look at it earlier, she was expecting a barrage of texts and calls worrying where she was.
But strangely, they hadn’t said much of anything. Just one text from Seungmin with a single question mark.
Jisu stares at the question mark again. Should she explain? Does she have to, if Seungmin doesn’t ask?
Their relationship is really confusing. Jisu feels so amazing when Seungmin’s on top of her. She was her first kiss and her first time too, if what they did counts as fucking. Well. That’s also kind of confusing, actually. Is she still a virgin?
The point is that Jisu has real feelings for Seungmin. More than just as a person she fools around with. Her friendship has been so important for Jisu in this weird and crazy and fun-filled era. But it’s been over 24 hours since Seungmin had confirmation that Jisu was even alive and it seems like that’s not a big deal at all to her. Like, ‘Jisu disappeared, oh well, guess I’ll just continue on like nothing’s wrong.’ That doesn’t sit right with Jisu.
And she knows that communication is a two-way street. Seungmin didn’t try very hard to reach out, but Jisu didn’t text her or call her either. She closes and opens her texts with Seungmin at least five more times before giving up and going back to bed.
In the dark of her room, thin slits of light illuminating stripes on her ceiling, Jisu wishes desperately that she had another friend. Literally anyone to ask if this is normal or if she’s overreacting. And deep down, she wishes someone—anyone—would care enough to see if she’s even alive.
“Jisu-yah!” Changbin’s voice rings through the apartment.“I went to the store!”
Jisu perks up. Changbin usually gets her something sweet when he goes shopping without her, to make up for leaving her at home.
“What did you get?” She calls as she slips on a big t-shirt that mostly covers her ass.
“Come see!” He calls back.
Jisu is greeted by the sight of an iced latte and cheese breadsticks on the counter when she comes in the room. Changbin is standing by the counter, huge open-mouthed grin on his face. Jisu can almost see his tail wagging.
“Yummy!” Jisu squeals.
“It’s toasted caramel vanilla bean, it’s new,” Changbin says. Jisu tastes it experimentally—it’s really good. “Oh and I got you some more pads. You’re probably running low.” He holds out the plastic bag to her.
Wow. That’s so nice of him. She accepts the bag and brings the snacks to her room while Binnie starts putting the other groceries away.
Something is bothering her. She takes another sip of the latte—it’s so sweet it’s almost mawkish. She opens the bathroom drawer where she keeps her pads. It’s been a while since she used any. And she’s also not really running out.
She wonders why Changbin would have thought she was running out. Should she be running out?
Setting down the bread and the coffee on her desk, she sits and thinks for a moment. Something is really not adding up here. It seems important to get to the bottom of it.
Jisu flips through her planner, trying to find any proof of when her last period was. She doesn’t track it, but it’s been a suspiciously long time since she opened that drawer. She wracks her brain for any memories of the last time.
Maybe she texted someone about it. She searches through her messages with Seungmin (who, by the way, still hasn’t asked her what’s wrong and it’s been, like, almost a week) for any mention of cramps or pads or the like.
Nothing.
She’s pretty sure that the last time she had it was before the time she made out with Seungmin. Laying on the floor as Seungmin ripped the last hairs from her raw, sensitive skin, she remembered thinking that having a completely waxed pussy would make her period uncomfortable; bare skin and rough cotton pads with no barrier between them.
But now that she thinks about it, she never actually got her period in the entire time since then.
She couldn’t be…
No way.
It’s just not possible.
But it is possible. Chan said so. ‘Even external ejaculation can lead to pregnancy.’
Fear rears its ugly head in her chest. She tries to calm down, to catch her breath, but it’s running away from her. Her whole life, people called her emotional. They said she overreacts about everything. But she feels like this time might be warranted.
Because—Jisu can’t have a baby. Not like this. Not at twenty-one. Not before she graduates college. And definitely not with an unknown father. Not as a single mother.
Uncertain memories like wispy clouds clog her brain. They’re nothing specific, they might be from before she had words to process them—the memories are more of a feeling. A childhood full of pain and confusion.
Jisu sees her mother’s face in her mind’s eye. Her eyes are deeply sorrowful. ‘I love you, little mouse. I’m sorry…’ Jisu doesn’t even remember the conversation. But she has a gut feeling that she was the reason for her mother’s expression.
But her mom shouldn’t have had to apologize; it wasn’t her fault that her dad abandoned them before she was born. Jisu used to fantasize that he was dead. Maybe he was, for all she knew. As Jisu got older, saw what Chan’s parents were like, and got to know Changbin’s family, it mattered less why he was absent. Whether he was dead or just a deadbeat, it hurt her either way. Logically, she knew it wasn’t her mother’s fault, and she also knew it wasn’t her own fault. But her immature brain needed someone to blame, so she typically vacillated between blaming her mother and blaming herself.
It wasn’t all bad, of course. Her mother tried. She worked hard, tried to buy Jisu things that she wanted. She let Jisu get whatever cereal she wanted, let her drink soda on the weekends. When Changbin and Chan got scooters, she let Jisu get one too so she could ride with them. When Jisu asked for an iPhone, her mom saved up to get her an older model. It was nice, sometimes.
Until the Dark Days. There’s a solid year of her life that she doesn’t really remember. After her mother died, she missed a lot of school. She was parentless. And at the tender age of fifteen, she had no other way of processing with the loss besides blaming her mother.
Jisu blamed her for having a baby without a father. Blamed her for raising her alone, never giving her a sibling or a step-dad or any other family. She forced Jisu to find another family all by herself.
During the Dark Days, Chan all but moved into her old house. He was eighteen and his mom couldn’t stop him, not that she would have tried—she knew Jisu needed him.
The next year, he got a place and Changbin turned eighteen and moved in. Jisu was sixteen by then so the government didn’t give a shit what happened to her. The bank reposessed her mom’s house and Jisu was homeless, jobless, hopeless. The school just let her flunk all her classes and passed her on to the next year.
Jisu was so stupid. She knew how her mother’s life crashed and burned when she had Jisu. She knows how painful it was growing up like that.
And she just slept with anyone, all for the sake of attention. For other people’s approval. Which, ultimately, didn’t even work. People hate her even more now.
Does Seungmin even like her anymore? Chan and Bin probably hate her too. They probably think she’s so stupid.
How could she have gotten pregnant like this? She’s only twenty-one. The walls of her room seem so small now, towering over her, threatening to crash down and smother her. She rubs at the soft flesh between her thumb and index finger. Nothing works to calm her.
She wants to tell Chan. He’ll know what to do. He and Changbin will be able to save her. But…Chan and Bin won’t want to raise a baby that’s not even theirs. They might even kick her out. Like her own dad, who didn’t want to raise a baby with a slut—
Jisu curls up in the fetal position on her bed. This is the worst week ever. She spent more time crying in her room than doing anything productive. She doesn’t have any tears left to cry. She just lays there.
Even if Bin and Chan help her now, they’ll probably get girlfriends and get married someday. When her daughter is four or five, they’ll leave, and it’ll be even worse for her than never having a father in the first place. The attachment loss would fuck up her baby for life. Not to mention how it would destroy her.
And it’s all Jisu’s fault for whoring around. She’s so stupid. The ice melts in her coffee and the condensation leaves a ring on the surface of the desk. She doesn’t drink any more—she feels like she’ll throw up if she does.
꧁ཐི༺♱jisu♱༻ཋྀ꧂
Jisu stares at the contact poster while she waits for Seungmin to pick up. It’s a picture (that she has no memory of taking) of her and Seungmin kissing at the club. She studies her own face. She can’t tell if she was happy.
The picture disappears abruptly.
“Hey Jiji.”
“Hey Minnie. What are you up to?”
“Nothing much. Just picking out my outfit for tonight.”
“Oh.” Jisu realizes that they’re probably going out tonight without her.
And yeah, it sucks that they didn’t invite her. Part of the onus lies with Jisu—she didn’t text them at all since her crash out. But it would have been nice of them to reach out first, too.
“Are you going with Hyunjin and Felix?”
“Yeah, and some girls.”
Jisu’s stomach drops. Has she been replaced that easily?
“Oh.”
“Did you need something? I’m kind of busy getting ready.”
“I was just wondering, um,” she feels stupid asking this out of the blue. “Um, how you know you love them?”
“Who?”
Jisu gives the phone a side eye. Who else? “Hyunjin and Felix.”
“Huh? It’s not like that.”
“I’ve seen you together, Seungmin. Don’t—” Jisu lets out an exasperated sigh. Calling her a liar will not end well. “I’m pretty sure it is like that.”
She gets defensive anyway. “Oh, and you’re the expert suddenly?”
“No, I just—”
“You disappear, blow off our plans, and then call me out of the blue to insist that I’m in love with Hyunjin and Felix? What a joke.”
“I’m sor—”
“Whatever. I don’t want to hear it. You’re wrong, Han Jisu.”
“Well, what about the unprotected sex? What if you get pregnant?” Jisu doesn’t mention her own potential pregnancy.
Seungmin is quiet. “I told you. I’d keep it and it’d be my baby.”
“Yeah. And both of theirs, if you don’t prove who’s the father.”
“Wrong again. It’d be neither of theirs. They don’t want to be tied down by me.”
“Did they say that?”
“No. I just know they don’t—”
Jisu is silent, waiting for Seungmin to say whatever it is she’s finding so hard to spit out.
“They don’t. Love me, okay? It’s not that deep.”
“So your life plan is fuck around with them until you get pregnant and then disappear from their lives and be a single mother?” Jisu spits out. She’s furious. It’s probably misplaced, but she can’t hide it.
“That’s plan B.”
“Okay, I’ll bite. What’s plan A?”
“Fuck around with them and whoever else I want until I’ve had my fill. And then fuck around with someone new. And before you judge me, that’s their plan too.”
“So you were just fucking around with me when you said all that shit?”
Seungmin laughs sarcastically. “What shit?”
Jisu feels like strangling something. She grabs a pillow and squeezes. “You know. What shit. ‘Stay with me, Jisu. Be only with me, Jisu. Don’t let anyone touch you like this, Jisu.’ Was that a fucking joke?”
“That’s just something people say during sex. It doesn’t mean anything.”
That doesn’t sound right to Jisu. “So that’s all I’ve been for you. Someone new to get off with and nothing more.”
“Is that a problem?”
“I just—”
“Did you think you were gonna change me? Change who we are?”
“I—” Jisu doesn’t know what she was expecting. At first, just slutty friends to whore around with. But then when Seungmin kissed her like that, touched her like that, things changed. “Don’t you want something more—” real is not the right word. Serious, committed… she finally settles on, “Meaningful?”
Seungmin laughs again, a short, sarcastic bark. “None of this has any meaning at all, Jisu-yah.”
It’s silly, but that one comment is all it takes for everything to come into focus. She feels like she can finally see everything for what it is. At the same time, Jisu feels the floor drop out from beneath her. None of this has any meaning at all. None of it means anything. She was stupid to think anything otherwise.
Her relationship with them was tenuous, like riding a tight rope holding a dozen spinning plates on the tip of her finger. Seungmin or Felix or Hyunjin calls Jisu, they go out, they might fuck or fool around. They might kiss and laugh and dance.
But if Jisu ghosts their plans one time, she’s cut off? If she has an emotional day in her room, they can’t even wait for her? Or ask her if she’s okay?
The past five months have been completely worthless. All she got was a bunch of slutty clothes, ass grades, and friends who don’t even really love her. Not through thick and thin. At this point, it’s like they barely even like her.
They’re nothing like her family. No, not her biological family. She doesn’t have one of those. Her family is Chan and Bin now—has been for a long time—and their ties are deeper than blood.
When she freaked out, they followed her. When she disappeared, they found her. Through all the stupid bullshit she’s had to deal with in her life for the past five years, they were rocks through it all.
Shame crashes over Jisu like a tidal wave. It builds, starting in her knees, rising up through her belly, engulfing her lungs. She can’t breathe.
Seungmin probably hung up the phone. Jisu doesn’t know (or care). She can’t hear anything but the rush of blood in her ears. She curls up on the floor of her room and cries. She cries and cries and cries until she thinks she has nothing left in her.
She might be asleep, or she might be awake. It’s liminal; only the street lights shine through her blinds and the passage of time is impossible to measure. Her hand goes to her lower belly.
Is there really a baby in there?
There, in the darkness of her room, completely alone, an inkling of hope sparkles somewhere in her chest. Jisu made this mess. She can fix it too. She has to bare herself and all her mistakes to Chan and Changbin. Beg for forgiveness, renounce her slutty ways… and tell them about the baby.
She calls an emergency house meeting.
“I need to explain something,” she begins. She practiced this a hundred times in the mirror; she can do this without crying. “And also apologize to both of you.”
Chan looks concerned, his mouth hesitantly open then closed, and Changbin looks like a man immolated; burning from the inside out.
“I know that I’ve caused a lot of trouble… recently,” she says. “And it hasn’t been fair for you two. I made so many mistakes. I was stupid, and selfish, and silly, and—”
She takes a deep breath. No tears.
“It hurt you. It must have hurt you, that day at the mall, when I lied to you, Oppa. I hurt you again, when I snapped at you that morning in Seungmin’s kitchen. And I hurt you both with my careless behavior. I treated you badly, worse than I should treat any friend, let alone—you. I mean—you do everything for me, and you try to hide it, but I know you do. And I treated you like an inconvenience in my own selfish plans.”
Chan glances at Changbin before he speaks. “Jisu, you don’t have to explain anything. You say ‘forgive me,’ I say, ‘you did nothing wrong.’ That’s just how it is with us. How it’s always been.”
“But I owe you an explanation,” she insists.
“No, you don’t.”
“I want to, then. Please.”
He nods, lips pressed together flatly as though he needs to purse them or risk arguing.
“I was being a slut.”
Changbin and Chan share a look.
“On purpose,” she continues. When they don’t say anything, she feels the simmering panic within her grow slightly more turbulent.
Her eyes flit back and forth between them. “And that’s why I was acting like that.” She laughs nervously. “And to be honest, I kind of thought that you’d have something to say about that.”
Changbin’s face twitches into a kind of humorless smile. “We knew that already. What we don’t understand is why.”
Jisu balks, mouth open as she scrambles for something to explain that away. But as soon as she has the thought, she’s scolding herself. What’s the point of this if she’s not going to be honest?
“I overheard Minha and Jeongin talking shit about me.”
Chan’s eyebrows knit together. “You mean that one time?”
“Yes, that one time.” She’s surprised he remembers. But then again, it’s Chan. “When Oppa found me by the road I didn’t even know where I was or where I was going. I was lost. And I guess, spiritually lost, too. They were talking about how much they hated me. And how I was stuck up and a loser and they said the most—” A sob shakes through her (when did she start crying? So much for staying calm.) “—vile, awful things about me. And you two, too.”
“Whatever they said was bogus—” Changbin tries to interrupt. Chan puts a hand on his leg to quiet him.
“I’m explaining what happened, Oppa. Until that point—God, it sounds so stupid. Until that day, I genuinely thought people liked me. I thought that I was so good, so perfect, that they all must love me, even if they were just loving me from afar.
“So when I realized that there are people out there who dislike me—even hate me… I mean, they were vicious!—I couldn’t handle it. I don’t know why. It’s just a flaw of mine, I think. The need to be loved,” and her voice cracks on the word loved. “Or maybe the fear of being unloved is my phobia.”
“So I sought it out in new ways. I wanted to prove them wrong. Prove to them that I could make friends besides you two. And prove that I wasn’t a prude or whatever. And most of all, I wanted to be popular again. Like I was before my mom died. Have friends and a life and date people and just have fun while I’m still young. I thought I could change their minds if I changed myself.
“I didn’t think it through; I was acting on impulse. I didn’t even realize what I was doing, I was just doing anything to make it go away. And I made so many mistakes. I mean, if nothing else, I tanked my GPA and probably delayed my graduation by at least a semester.” She laughs bitterly. “But the worst part is that I hurt you two. It’s killing me; it kills me. I know what I said doesn’t make it right. But that’s where I was coming from when I was,” she clears her throat. “Slutty.”
She wrings her hands and adds, “Well, I guess I’m still slutty. I don’t know anymore. I don’t even know who I am.”
Chan, who was sympathetically nodding throughout her little speech, speaks up for the first time. “You’re our Jisu, our only dongsaeng.”
“Our favorite dongsaeng,” Changbin adds.
“Our baby.”
Jisu’s breath catches in her throat when he says that. It reminds her of what else she has to say to them.
“There’s more,” she whispers.
Changbin and Chan exchange another glance.
“Jisu, whatever it is, you’re forgiven. Like Hyung said, it doesn’t matter to us,” Changbin says.
A single tear spills over her lash line and her lungs ache with how long she’s held her breath. She might break down if she doesn’t hold it all in.
But she’ll definitely break if she does.
“I’m…” She looks into Changbin’s eyes, still quietly smoldering. “I mean, I might be…” Jisu clenches her eyes shut. She can’t do this.
But she has to.
“I missed my period.”
Stunned silence follows her admission. She’s too afraid to open her eyes; to see their disappointed expressions.
“I think I’m… pregnant.” The silence drags on for an eternity. She wishes a hole in the floor would open up and swallow her whole.
“Jisu, come here,” Chan finally says.
She opens her eyes. The first thing she notices is that they don’t look as mad as she expected. They don’t really look mad at all. Chan’s eyes got more intense, and Changbin looks distraught, but neither of them look mad. The second thing she notices is that they’re holding hands.
Jisu steps toward them and they reach out to grasp both of her hands, so they’re in a little triangle. She kneels down in front of them.
Chan asks, “Jisu, are you okay?”
She can’t control the pitiful frown that manifests on her face. It draws the corners of her mouth down.
“That’s not—”
“Are you okay?” Changbin asks, more forcefully.
“I don’t know,” she whispers.
“Whatever happens, we’ll be right here with you,” Chan vows.
They squeeze her hands and she tries to squeeze back. She’s overcome with gratitude. It mixes with her fear, self-pity, shame, and guilt and forms a dissonant concoction that crashes against her ribs.
She looks at the carpet below her knees. No point in confessing everything up to the final detail. Might as well get it all out now. She strains not to let her voice tremble as she asks, “Don’t you want to know who the father is?”
“Do you want to tell us?” Chan asks gently.
“I don’t know which one it was,” she says.
They don’t ask her to clarify, so they must know who she means.
Her right and left hand both receive a gentle squeeze in reply.
She finally breaks down in tears.
꧁ཐི༺♱jisu♱༻ཋྀ꧂
When Jisu finally feels cramps rumble through her lower belly, she runs to the toilet to check for blood. She’s never been so happy to see a ruined pair of panties in her entire life.
It’s been a stressful week in their house, but also nice. She feels intense relief now that everything is out in the open between her and her boys. Chan and Changbin made it abundantly clear that they would be with her no matter what happened with the baby.
Binnie took her grocery shopping and told her to pick out whatever she wanted, because her cravings are more important than ever. Chan started looking at houses to buy. Which is crazy. But he’s always been a planner.
None of that matters though! Because she isn’t pregnant after all! She rushes to Chan’s room to tell him. She forgets to knock, but luckily he’s just chilling on his bed in his underwear—he runs hot so he’s usually naked.
“Oh, Binnie Oppa is here too, that’s perfect!” She says.
“What is it, are you alright?” Chan asks.
Jisu jumps up and down. “Yes, yes, yes! I’m more than alright, I’m on top of the world!”
Changbin sounds like he’ll burst from the suspense. “What happened!?”
“I got my period!” She jumps around in circles. “I’m not pregnant, I got my period just now!”
They both jump up and hug her and join her in her little happy dance. Jisu sings, “I’m not pregnant, I’m not pregnant,” and they sing, “She’s not pregnant, she’s not pregnant.”
They slow down when they run out of breath. “That’s such a relief, you must be feeling like a weight was lifted off your chest,” Chan enthuses. He takes her hand in his and squeezes gently.
Changbin takes her other hand and says, “Congratulations on the bleeding.” They all laugh.
Chan sits down on the edge of his bed and Changbin sits beside him. The smile fades from Chan’s face and he looks older, faint lines appearing between his eyebrows. “Now Jisu, sit here in front of us. I want to make sure you’ve learned your lesson.”
Jisu sits down with her legs folded neatly under her. “I did, I swear, I will never be so stupid again.”
“You got off easy this time. But fooling around with your friends can lead to life-long consequences.”
“I know that now.”
“And we love you no matter what, Jisu. That’s not conditional.”
“Always,” Changbin says.
Jisu swallows the lump in her throat. She’s not sure if she’s getting yelled at or reassured, and the apprehension sits light in the top of her belly, fluttering as if trying to get out. “I know that too.”
“Your friends were very, very careless with you.”
Changbin nods, and says, “They’re bad influences, Jisu.”
“They don’t love you, they just wanted to use you,” Chan says.
Jisu knows he’s right. She was using them, and they were using her. It was a mutual thing, but that didn’t mean it was good.
“We don’t think you should see them anymore,” Changbin says firmly.
“But they’re my—!” Well, Jisu thought they were her friends. She’s not sure since they still haven’t spoken since the day she called Seungmin.
“Ah, ah, ah. I don’t want any backtalk,” Chan says. He strokes her cheek with his knuckle. “Your collective carelessness lead to a serious problem. And I believe you when you say you learned your lesson. But did they?”
Jisu admits that her three friends didn’t seem to care that much about safety when they do stuff with her. Or with each other.
He continues. “And would they have taken responsibility for their actions? Or left it all to you?”
She has to admit that’s also concerning. Based on what Seungmin said, none of them are going to be responsible for whatever consequences may befall them.
“I’m sorry,” Jisu says.
“I know you are, little bug,” Chan says. He uses his thumb and his forefinger under her chin to bring her gaze to his eyes. “You were acting out, weren’t you?”
Jisu nods.
“You were being bad, weren’t you?”
She nods again.
“Say it,” Changbin demands. “Out loud.”
Her lower lip shakes. “I’ve been a bad girl,” she whispers, voice trembling.
“You can be good from now on, yeah?”
“Yes,” she whispers.
“Just do as we say and you’ll be safe and happy,” Changbin adds.
Chan’s thumb drags against her lower lip. “No more whoring around with your friends, yeah?”
She nods. The sensitive skin under his finger flushes and tingles, and her pussy clenches on itself. She can feel her heartbeat in her panties.
“You promise to be good for us?”
“I’ll be so good.” She wants to prove it right away, to make sure they know she’s sorry. She crawls forward so she’s right in front of their knees.
“Now Jisu, be honest. Did you let those boys touch you?” Chan asks, all firmness and gravity.
The blurry memories of the foursome flash before her eyes. Honesty is the best policy. “Yes.”
“What did you do to make you think you could be pregnant?” Changbin probes.
Jisu hesitates and her heart skips a beat.
“You have to be honest with us, yeah?”
Chan’s right. She confessed nearly everything already. They deserved to know it all, even the gory details. She takes a deep breath and says, “We had a foursome. And they came on me again.”
“Came where?” Changbin asks.
Her pussy throbs against her seat and shame blossoms on her chest in red splotches. “Down there,” she whispers.
“Both of them?”
Jisu nods.
“But they didn’t come inside of you?” Chan almost sounds hopeful.
“Did you let them fuck you?” Changbin asks at the same time, less hopeful and more panicked.
Jisu gasps. “No! I’m still a virgin!” She looks between the two of them. “I swear!”
Chan looks at Changbin, his gaze warning and apprehensive at the same time, then back to Jisu.“You swear?”
She nods fervently. “Yes!”
“Then their dicks never went inside you?” Changbin clarifies.
Jisu burns with shame, and something else bubbles in the pit of her stomach. The splotchy red snakes up her chest to her neck.
“Well. Maybe a tiny bit, but it hurt really bad so—”
“They hurt you?” Changbin shouts.
Jisu flinches and continues her sentence. “—I kind of jumped away. I didn’t let him go all the way in.”
Chan grabs Changbin’s neck and squeezes it. They both shut their eyes and take deep breaths together. Jisu anxiously awaits their judgement.
It would make sense that they would want nothing to do with her if she’d been that stupid—so idiotic as to let Hyunjin and Felix basically take her virginity. She realizes with a pang that the thought of being without them is more than objectionable. It’s abhorrent, it’s unspeakable.
She thought she might lose them before, when she confessed about the baby. When they forgave her right away, she deluded herself into thinking they would never leave her. But now that she's fine, they probably want to cut their losses before she makes another stupid mistake and traps them again. She’s sinking slowly into her own personal pit of quicksand, swimming through each and every mistake she’s made; unable to tread water.
But she wouldn’t blame them if they abandoned her for this. She would deserve it. They were too nice before, objectively. They could have kicked her out ages ago based on how she treated them.
Chan opens his eyes and fixes Jisu with an intense gaze. She holds it, knowing she deserves whatever wrath is burning behind it.
He explains gently, “It’s not supposed to hurt, honey. If it does, it means you aren’t ready.”
She blinks. “I thought it always hurts your first time.”
Changbin apparently didn’t master Chan’s zen quite as well; there’s still heat when he says, “Don’t ever let a guy tell you it’s supposed to hurt. That’s a lazy, selfish imbecile who doesn’t deserve to be within a ten kilometer radius of you.”
Chan nods in agreement. “But even if you aren’t ready, there are things you could do instead of having them come on your pussy. Didn’t you try something else with them?”
“Like what?” She blinks.
“Like using your hand,” Changbin says.
Jisu feels her stomach swoop at the thought.
“Oh, no,” she says. “They always did it for themselves.”
“Do you want us to show you?” Chan asks.
Show her? With their…? Her clitoris is so hard it’s practically aching against the seam of her jeans. Her heartbeat is rabbiting in her chest. Yeah, she wanted to see.
“Do you?” Changbin says when she doesn’t react.
She grasps her hands in her lap. “Yes, I do, but…” She looks between the two of them. “I’m nervous. I’ve never done that before.”
Chan smiles, and says, “It’s okay, bug, we can show you first.”
It’s only when Changbin reaches over to Chan’s lap when she notices the sizeable lump in his underwear. Sitting there, just centimeters away from his crotch, the bulge looks ginormous.
Changbin takes Chan out of his briefs and gently grasps him. His cock looks massive compared to Changbin’s slightly short, thick fingers. It’s her first time seeing a cock up close like this besides Felix’s, and the size difference is hard to understate. Seungmin looked fine with Felix’s cock plus two fingers. Jisu can’t imagine Chan’s cock fitting in any hole—it’s thick and veiny and beautifully pink at the tip.
“See how I’m using my hand to squeeze Chan? That feels really good for him.”
Jisu thinks her mouth might be hanging open; it’s so shocking seeing her Oppa with his hand around her other Oppa’s cock.
Then he starts moving his fist and explains that he’s not rubbing it roughly. “The extra skin around the tip allows my fist to glide up and down without too much friction, even without lube.”
“Does it feel good, Oppa?”
“Yeah, Jisu, it does.” Chan sighs.
Jisu watches Changbin work his cock for several minutes, mesmerized. The situation in her panties has devolved into a slippery slick mess, and she subtly grinds down onto her own heel for a little relief as she watches them. In her lap, she makes a ring with her fingers and mimes Changbin’s motions. She’s so curious about how it feels. When she can’t take it anymore—
“Can I try?” Jisu asks.
Changbin and Chan both look up at her in shock. She giggles. “What? Can’t I?”
“Of course, God, of course yes. You can touch me however you want, whenever you want.” Chan rushes to say.
That stirs something warm in her belly that is related to, but separate from the urgent desire already taking root there.
Changbin holds his hand out, waiting for Jisu to offer her hand to him. She takes a deep breath and focuses. Fist, grip, slide up and down, no friction. She’s got this.
She places her hand in Changbin’s. He takes it and brings it to Chan’s stiff cock. In the millisecond before she grips it, she can feel the heat radiating off of his skin.
His dick is different than she expected. She thought it would be all hardness, skin textured like his hands—but it’s incredibly soft against her thin fingers. She gives it a tentative squeeze and feels the straining hard muscle at the core.
Chan sucks air through his teeth when she does that.
“Am I hurting you?”
“No, no, no definitely not. You can go harder.”
She squeezes it harder. “Does this hurt?”
He laughs. “No, honey. It feels—fuck—” His hips jump up minutely as she squeezes and shifts her fist down slightly. “So good, baby, you’re doing so good.”
She pumps his cock a few times and observes how his foreskin pulls up and over his cock head on the upstroke, and slides down to reveal his whole cock on the downstroke. “It’s really interesting!” Jisu says.
“I’m glad you’re having—ngh—fun, love bug.”
Chan is a writhing panting mess and Jisu is a little bit surprised. She doesn’t think she’s doing much but he’s acting like it’s heaven.
Jisu supposes she was probably like that with Seungmin. Maybe that’s why she liked fooling around with Jisu so much.
She experiments with her other hand, then both hands, and then goes back to just her right hand. It’s the easiest for her at this angle.
Changbin places his hand on top of Jisu’s to help her get the pressure and pace right.
“If you do it like this,” he squeezes her hand and twists it slightly when her fist reaches the head of his penis. “He’ll come right away.”
Jisu wonders how he knows that, but she figures it must be male information and rolls with it.
In less than a minute, Chan is groaning and saying, “Fuck, ha—” Chan leans back on his elbows. “I’m gonna—” He moans something that sounds like the word ‘Binnie,’ and Changbin releases Jisu’s hand immediately. To her utter shock, in less than a second, his lips are wrapped around the tip of Chan’s cock.
Chan starts moaning and babbling but all that Jisu can process is the slow throbbing and pulsing of his cock under her palm and the softness of Changbin’s lips when her fingers touch his mouth.
Changbin pulls off of his cock with a wet pop and Jisu peers at his red, swollen lips. She’s expecting there to be cum somewhere—maybe it’s in his mouth?—but when he smiles at her, he looks completely normal.
“Where did it go?”
He laughs, and Chan also chuckles breathily from where he lies.
“I swallowed it.”
Jisu’s mouth hangs open in a round O shape.
Chan is lying completely flat now, the energy drained completely from him after his orgasm. He speaks towards the ceiling, but it’s meant for Jisu.
“That’s another way to have sex without risk of pregnancy. One of the safest methods, in fact. As long as you and your partner have tested for STDs,” Chan says.
She considers the idea of having sex with her mouth. Felix had looked like he enjoyed it. And Changbin has a big grin on his face right now.
“Is it fun?”
They both laugh at that—short little bursts of air that they can’t control. She chooses to believe that they aren’t laughing at her though. It’s a perfectly reasonable question for a virgin!
“Yeah,” Changbin says.
“Can I try that too?”
That’s probably the only sentence that could have stirred Chan from his post-orgasm stupor. As she utters it, though, he slowly rises to sit, and realizing his nakedness, pulls his underwear back over his thick, spent cock.
“Of course, little bug,” Chan says. “We can do that next time—”
“No, I mean right now.” Jisu looks to Changbin. “You didn’t… right?”
“Holy shit, Jisu. Even if I did, I would be rock hard again for you,” Changbin says.
Ignoring the way blush licks up her cheeks and ears, Jisu looks at his crotch expectantly.
“Fuck— one second.” He fumbles with his pants.
Chan reaches out and lays a hand on each of them. “Pause. Are you sure you want to do this Jisu? You can take it slow. All that stuff we said about learning a lesson is more than satisfied. I mean—I was mostly teasing you anyway.”
“No, you’re right. It was really stupid of me to risk the future because of my own inexperience. I should know these things.”
Changbin moves to get his boner free, but Chan’s not fully satisfied by that. “But you can still take it slow. Do you want to do this right now?”
She really appreciates Chan’s insistence that she think about what she wants before doing it. It almost makes her want to cry that nobody else asked her before. But the knowledge that she’s in a safe place with her two best friends—her protectors—combined with the tight, hot knot in her belly that’s aching to be undone, makes her certain that this is something she actually wants to do. Right now.
“Yes.”
Changbin doesn’t need to be told twice. His cock is out the next second, and he scooches down the bed to get closer to Jisu where she still kneels in front of the two boys.
“Baby, do you wanna come up here with me? Are your knees okay?” Changbin asks.
She smiles. “I’m good. Well—” She laughs and looks over to Chan. “I’m still nervous. I’m back to 'never-done-this-before' territory. But my knees are fine. C’mere,” she says.
Chan takes Changbin’s cock in his hand and pulls it down so it’s angled towards her mouth.
As she’s staring it down, half panicking from the unfamiliarity, half salivating at mere anticipation, Chan giggles again.
“You’re going to have to open your mouth, honey.”
Jisu feels a fresh bloom of blush on her neck. She opens her mouth and waits for Chan to feed her Binnie’s cock.
Chan says, “Fuck, she looks so good, bro.”
Changbin scoots closer. “Bro, I’m a second from busting.”
Jisu has the final, fleeting thought of ‘what will I look like with his cock in my mouth?’ before Chan finally rests Changbin’s cock on her tongue.
Just like the musky taste of him disperses across her tongue, so her thoughts disperse like fine mist. The only thing she can think of for a moment is of his cock, the softness, the meaty weight. The texture of delicate skin on her taste buds. It’s unlike anything she’s ever experienced.
Chan’s voice filters through the cotton in her ears. “Now make your lips like this,” he says.
Jisu flits her eyes to him and he’s got his lips formed into a small circle.
She follows his lead and Changbin moans and pants above her. She wants to see what he looks like, but it’s a lot to focus on and she can barely get her brain to process what Chan’s telling her.
He’s a good teacher, though. He shows her how to swirl her tongue around Changbin’s tip, how to lap at the sensitive underside, and how to let the spit accumulate.
A glob of saliva oozes from her bottom lip, and Chan praises her and pats her head. “Good girl, Jisu, you’re doing so good!”
Changbin is very encouraging, too. He’s letting out a near constant stream of gasps and profanity that only increase in volume whenever Jisu does something at Chan’s direction.
Jisu can only let out muffled grunts in reply to their praises because she really, really doesn’t want to let Changbin’s cock out of her lips even for a moment.
Chan pets her hollowed out cheeks, and murmurs, “So good, are you sucking his cock, honey?”
She nods and sucks harder.
“You sure you didn’t do this before?”
Her eyes burn. She knows it’s just teasing, but the embarrassment claws at her insides like a hot poker. She shakes her head, no.
“All that whoring around and you never got a cock in your throat?” Chan teases harder.
He pets her neck where Changbin’s cock has yet to breach.
“Those boys were missing out on seeing your pretty lips wrapped around a cock,” Chan hums.
“Fuck, bro, they were—nngh—missing out on her t-tongue too.”
“How does it feel bro?”
The concept of Channie and Binnie talking about her mouth like she isn’t in the room sends another gush of slick the crotch of her panties. She’s so sensitive already, it would only take a few seconds of direct stimulation to bring her over the edge.
When Jisu tunes back in, Binnie is still talking about her tongue. “It’s so soft and wet. And I can barely resist fucking her mouth,” he’s saying.
Chan pretends to give it serious thought. “Hmm, yes, that’s what a whore like Jisu would deserve.”
Jisu whimpers—it sounds sexy and so, so good, but also scary. She trusts them not to do anything bad to her. She has the foggy, dim, thought that maybe that’s why this time feels so incredibly different than before. Knowing it’s scary, but trusting her boys with her body. Being sure that she’s safe in their hands.
She rubs herself down onto her heel, desperate for some stimulation on her aching clitoris.
“But she’s going to be a good girl for us, isn’t that right?” Chan coos.
“Mmgph,” is all she can make out. She’s nodding, tears pooling at her lash line, desire bubbling in her belly like hot sugar.
Chan pets her head, saying, “Good job honey, taking his cock so well like a good girl.” She moans. She didn’t know she was a good girl kind of girl. “Don’t try to take it all baby, you’ll choke. That’s it, nice and easy.”
Binnie is twitching, moaning about being close, and Jisu almost vibrates with excitement.
Chan’s gentle now, the teasing tone in his voice all but evaporated. “The cum is going to taste a little bitter, salty like his precum but there will be a lot more of it. It’s okay if you want to pull off before he comes.”
All she can do is blink two times to show she understands because she’s bobbing up and down, trying to make Changbin come. She thinks she might be addicted to the taste of him.
“And if you let him come in your mouth, you can always spit it out. No guy should ever demand that you swallow it,” Chan continues.
Changbin suddenly puts his hand on her head. It’s incredibly light—not at all forcing her to stay on, but simply stilling her movements—and Jisu knows this is the moment. She squeezes her thighs together and feels her own orgasm rise as Binnie shakes through his. His cum is hotter than she expects, salty just like Oppa said. It’s somewhere between bitter and bland. As it coats her tongue and Binnie whines and trembles above her, her own orgasm rips through her core, and her moans rival his in volume and intensity.
The sight of it all brought Chan to awed silence. When Changbin takes Jisu’s hair and gently pulls her off his sensitive cock, he seems to be thrown in motion once again.
“You did amazing, sweetie.”
She wants to reply, but when she moves to speak, the salty bitter stuff sloshes over her tongue again, and she’s overcome with the urge to spit it out. She runs to the bathroom and rinses out her mouth three times before she feels like it’s all gone.
She scrunches up her nose as she goes back to Chan’s room.
“I’m sorry that I spit it out, Oppa.”
“No, no! That’s completely fine, angel. You did so well,” he reassures her. “Thank you so much, baby.”
She notices that they’re both semi-decent again. “Well. Um, thanks. For teaching me that. I’m gonna go, um… shower or, uh… yeah. ”
“Jisu-yah, wait!” Chan says.
She pauses at the door.
“I’m really so glad that you’re not actually…” he trails off.
“Not actually knocked up,” Changbin finishes.
“You definitely learned your lesson, and then some,” Chan says. “But maybe you should actually get an STD test. For real.”
Changbin nods. “Your friends are sketchy.”
Jisu laughs. “Ex-friends!” She calls, and shuts the door behind her.
꧁ཐི༺♱jisu♱༻ཋྀ꧂
Now that the air is cleared in the house, Jisu doesn’t feel so bad about teasing her roommates. It’s a regularly scheduled Fortnite night and she’s participating for the first time in a long, long time. The old Jisu would have worn something baggy—old flannel pajamas and a big t-shirt. Slutty Jisu would have skipped the date entirely, opting for short skirts, over-poured mixed drinks, and the attention of strangers.
She’s got it figured out now. She has an unlimited supply of all the attention she could ever crave right here at home. And it’s comfy with her boys. No need for all the bullshit. No need to hide or cover up.
So she dresses however she wants. And she wants to make Chan and Changbin’s jaws drop to the floor in her signature calculated yet nonchalant way.
For tonight’s date, she’s opted for a tiny gray tee that cuts off right at her belly button, black briefs, and cream-colored chunky knit leg warmers. The space between the shirt and panties is just enough to show off her tattoo on her back, and also leave her cute belly exposed for them to see. If she curls up her legs just right, her crotch isn’t just out in the open, so she maintains some level of innocence—she’s not just spreading her legs open like a whore.
If Chan and Binnie’s minds go crazy imagining what’s behind her legs—well, that’s hardly Jisu’s fault, now is it?
Chan is the first to react. When he comes into the living room holding a couple Red Bulls and a bowl of popcorn, his eyes go wide when they land on Jisu.
He can’t hold back a surprised, “Oh!” but he recovers somewhat smoothly and says, “I got us drinks.” He looks back at her, specifically at where her legs are curled up in front of her crotch once, twice, then a third time. He clears his throat. “I like your outfit, bug.”
She says thanks just as Changbin comes in to sit down. He’s less shy about giving her the up down. “Nice fit, Jisu. Sexy,” he says as he pushes his chunky black glasses up his nose.
She’s so pleased that they like it.
“Aren’t you cold though?” Chan asks.
Jisu kicks her feet out in front of her playfully. “That’s what these are for,” she teases with a wicked grin. Both of their eyes are glued to the backs of her thighs and the thin strip of black fabric between them. When she deems they’ve seen enough, she places her legs back where they belong, tactfully covering herself once again.
“Thanks for making the snacks, bro,” Changbin suddenly says.
Chan is ripped from his reverie and looks to the table. “You’re welcome. It’s nothing.”
Jisu makes grabby hands for one of the drinks. Chan hands her a can.
“Is purple the only flavor there is?” Jisu asks. She doesn’t mind the purple but they usually offer her a choice.
“Yeah, it’s weird, there’s only been purple in the fridge the past few weeks,” says Chan, who looks expectantly at Changbin.
“I don’t know bro, they were all out at the store!” Changbin says defensively.
Jisu shrugs and cracks it open, taking a long drink. She feels the energy zing through her veins and she picks up the controller.
“Let’s play!”
They lose the first several rounds. One of Jisu’s favorite running bits is after each loss Changbin says, “Okay, that was just a warm-up, I’m ready to actually play now.”
At some point, her legs start cramping from being curled up underneath her, so she stretches herself out on her belly and lies on the corner cushion of the couch where there’s just enough room for her to lie facing the TV.
Surprisingly, she doesn’t hear Chan and Changbin react. She kind of thought her ass cheeks out in the living room would get some type of reaction.
When she peeks back at them, they’re both staring slack-jawed at her ass.
That makes sense. Jisu’s ass is really cute.
They lose the round pretty much immediately after that, and she decides to tease them even more.
Swishing her feet flirtatiously through the air, she says, “That another practice round? Come on, big boy, focus!”
“It’s pretty hard to focus with your butt in my face,” Changbin retorts.
“Aw, poor baby,” she coos.
“Jisu-yah! You’re doing that on purpose,” Chan says.
She just giggles.
“In fact, let’s address it. You’ve been parading around the house in your underwear pretty consistently for the past few months,” he continues.
“Holy shit, finally, I can speak my truth,” Changbin says. “Your booty shorts? Diabolical.”
“So aside from all the slutty outfits when you went out—” Chan begins.
“Which, by the way, holy shit, Jisu,” Changbin interrupts.
“—You were trying to tease us, weren’t you?”
She twists to face them, her hips forced up by the kink in her spine as she gives them the most innocent look she can muster. “Huh?”
“Oh come on, Jisu!” Changbin shouts.
Chan is nearly shouting too—a rare occurrence for the usually calm and collected leader of the trio. “See? You’re doing this on purpose! Trying to get us to look at your body!”
“Rile us up and get us hard in our pants!”
Jisu pouts and fixes him with a confused, innocent look. “Are you saying you’re hard right now, Oppa?”
“Holy shit,” Changbin says, rubbing his brow in disbelief.
Jisu says, “I’m sorry, Oppa,” and uses her big doe eyes on them. “You’re right. I wanted you to see me.”
“A confession?” Chan says, teasing her right back.
“I like it when you drool over my body,” she says. “It makes me feel so sexy.”
“That kind of sounds like something a slut would say,” Chan says, playing along. “Are you gonna admit it?
“No please, I’ll be good. I’ll cover up.” Jisu pouts and pulls at the tight gray shirt even though there’s zero hope of the little thing covering her midriff.
Changbin laughs, playing along too. “That’d be a waste though. You have so many slutty clothes.”
“And such a sexy figure,” Chan adds.
“You know, Hyung. I kind of like the whorishness at home.”
“Yeah, and we both know that she doesn’t want to cover up,” he replies. Chan turns to her. “You’re a whore, after all, aren’t you?”
“You like teasing us,” Changbin says.
She blinks several times and tries to fight the small smile developing on her lips.
Then the Fortnite lobby finally loads, and she’s saved by the game once again.
They play with renewed focus. Every time Jisu encounters an enemy, she shakes her hips and whines a little bit louder than normal.
She has to res both Changbin and Chan twice throughout the course of the game, but after an intense battle with the final team, they actually win for once!
The room erupts into cheers. Jisu’s still laying on the sofa, but she’s kind of flipped on her side so her one arm is free to receive their high fives. Her one knee is pushed out for balance and her back is arched again and she notices how the boys’ eyes trail up and down her body.
She’s so turned on from the teasing and the way their eyes feast on her body. Jisu grabs the remote and shuts the entire TV off. It’s time to finish what she started.
“So, Channie Oppa. I have a question.”
He settles back down on the couch near her feet, in between her and Changbin. Resting his hand comfortingly on her calf, he says, “Ask away, little bug.”
“So you said that when I lose my virginity it shouldn’t hurt, and if it does, it means I’m not ready.”
Chan’s expression becomes more serious. “That’s right, honey.”
Jisu nods. She’s got her eyes fixed on the pattern of the carpet instead of their faces. “So, how will I know that I’m ready? I mean, I’m twenty-one, shouldn’t I be ready by now? Is something wrong with me?”
“There’s nothing wrong with you,” Binnie’s tone is deadly serious.
“Let’s all keep calm, we’re just talking,” Chan says. “So when I say ready, I’m talking about being prepared physically. There isn’t enough space down there naturally for a dick to fit in without some preparation. Some people do that during foreplay, and it’s incredibly important for you to do it so that you don’t get hurt.”
“Oh,” she says. “How?”
She looks at Chan when he answers. He does look calm. Jisu is so glad she has him in her life.
“So basically the best way is to use fingers or something of that size to slowly get the muscles down there used to having something inside of you.”
Changbin adds, “Fingering, basically.”
“Oh. But sometimes when I finger myself—” Changbin coughs on the sip of Red Bull he was in the middle of taking. “—it hurts too. Just a little,” she says.
“Oh.”
Chan seems lost for words.
Jisu helps him along a little. “I don’t know, maybe I’m doing something wrong, or something. I never learned how to do that kind of stuff, you know…”
She sees the light go off in his head.
“Well, we can help you with that. How about Changbin and I watch how you finger yourself—” Changbin actually spits out his drink this time and Chan shoots him a dirty look. “— first. And then I’ll give you some tips.”
Jisu pretends to hesitate. “Right here?” She hooks her thumb in the waistband of her panties, not tugging them down yet, just teasing it.
“If you want, love bug.” He smiles at her reassuringly.
She says, “Okay,” and moves to lay on her back. She swings one leg up on the sofa back so her legs sit comfortably open. But as she looks at Chan and Changbin and sees how their eyes linger hungrily on the black fabric between her legs, she suddenly gets shy.
“Stop looking,” she whines.
Changbin’s mouth opens and shuts dumbly and Chan scoff-laughs, saying, “What’s wrong, baby? You were just saying how you want us to look at you. How it feels good. Well, here’s your chance.”
Jisu feels the blood rushing to the surface of her skin and she knows she’s blushing like mad. “Just, don’t look while I take them off or something, I don’t know.” She knows she started this entire thing, she was literally asking for this to happen—she wants to do this for them. But it’s also incredibly difficult. There must be a word for this feeling…
“It’s okay. You must be feeling vulnerable,” Chan reassures her.
Yes, vulnerable! Vulnerable is exactly the way she feels. It figures that Chan was able to see it in her before she was able to name it herself.
“Let’s close our eyes,” Changbin says.
She makes sure they have their eyes shut before she slides the black panties down her thighs. Changbin’s voice startles her and she freezes mid-strip.
“You know, it’s funny that she’s shy now. I always knew she was an exhibitionist.”
“What! Am not!” She protests.
“Well, where was this energy in the Victoria’s Secret dressing room?” He retorts, eyes still clenched shut.
Chan’s eyebrows shoot up. “What?!”
“Nothing,” Jisu says quickly. She pulls off her panties and chucks them at Changbin’s head. “I’m done, losers, you can open your eyes.”
The way their jaws literally drop is worth every bit of courage it takes to lay there with her knee up, exposing herself to them.
“Holy fuck, Jisu. You shaved?” Changbin sounds borderline-hysterical.
She basks in the satisfaction. “Waxed.”
“You look so wet, baby.”
Jisu nods. “It turned me on before when you called me a whore,” she pouts.
Chan swallows roughly. “Go on, then, show us.”
Jisu dances her hands across her belly. Her fingers feel cool compared to the burning flush that blooms across her skin—a reaction from the combination of embarrassment and desire.
“Show your Oppas how you touch yourself,” Changbin coaxes.
She slides her middle two fingers down over her slit and pushes gently at her entrance. It’s already wet, so she feels like she might be able to get her fingers in on the first try. She doesn’t know where else to look, so she looks at Chan and Binnie’s faces as she sinks the two fingers into her core.
She sucks in air through her teeth. “Ah—kinda hurts…”
“Stop!” Chan says. “If it hurts, you have to stop.”
“Try just one finger, Jisu,” Changbin says, eyes glued on her pussy.
She switches to her middle finger and pushes it in with much less resistance. She slides it in to the last knuckle, and it doesn’t hurt at all!
“How does that feel?”
“It feels really good,” Jisu sighs.
Changbin gulps. “Now pump it in and out,” he breathes.
Jisu obeys, but her sensitive skin pulls with the friction and she winces.
Chan immediately grabs hold of her wrist and stops her. He guides her hand to tenderly press in to herself. “See Jisu? You have to go really slow. Gentle.”
He pumps her finger into her slowly. She squirms under the pressure of his hand and his sweet words; it feels good but she wants something bigger.
As if he can sense her dissatisfaction, her hunger, Chan murmurs, “You have to listen to your body, Jisu. What’s it telling you?”
She shivers. “More, I want more.” Chan’s hand feels so good over hers, but she’s too far from Binnie. She makes grabby hands at him and he’s by her side in a second. “Hi,” she smiles up at him.
“Hi, baby, feeling good? You want more?” He asks. “Add another finger baby, nice and slow.”
Jisu obeys again.
“So good, love bug,” Chan praises her. “Does it feel good?”
Jisu nods. She rubs that specific spot inside that sets every nerve in her alight. It’s so delicious, so sweet, but she still wants more—she wants him. There’s hot sugar simmering somewhere behind her navel and it’s threatening to boil over.
“It feels amazing,” she whispers. “But I still want more,” she looks at him with her best 'fuck me' eyes. “Something bigger.”
She puts her sock foot on Chan’s bulge.
Chan’s entire body twitches at the contact, as if she shocked him with static electricity. He says, “You’re not ready for a cock yet, honey.”
“Please,” she begs. Her eyelids flutter shut and her eyebrows pull together. She wants it so badly. She wants him to take care of her like nobody else could.
He slides one finger in with her two fingers, and together they keep pumping slowly. His finger is warm, bigger than hers and slightly bony.
She relishes the feeling of his knuckles pulling at the tender skin at her entrance. She pushes her foot into Chan’s boner and reaches out to her side to find Changbin’s crotch. She paws at his hard dick through his pants pitifully until he asks, “Want to touch me?”
She nods and his dick is out in less than a second. He puts it into her fist and it feels good—warm and heavy and a little bit wet.
She sticks her tongue out and Changbin adjusts with lightning speed to kneel closer to her head. He thrusts his dick through Jisu’s fist until the tip lightly touches her mouth.
She smiles at the familiar taste. The musky saltiness is so delicious on her tongue.
“Fuck,” Changbin moans.
Chan’s cock jumps under her foot and she rubs it harder. His fingers feel so amazing, she’s never had this many in her before without it hurting. And she’s barely even fingering herself, but he’s picking up all the slack and then some. He adds another finger and she slips her fingers out so she can get a better grip on Changbin’s cock.
Chan rubs at her g-spot and she keens. With her mouth open, Changbin pushes the head of his cock between her lips. It’s gentle, but so sexy. That hot, sticky feeling roils in her core.
Pulling off of Changbin’s cock, Jisu begs, “More, please, I want to be able to take your cock.”
The thought of Chan’s cock in her sends a rush of adrenaline through her. She wants it so bad, she knows he will be so sweet and gentle. If she closes her eyes, she can almost imagine that his fingers are his cock. He’s fucking her so good, she’s so sensitive. The sticky bubbling in her core develops hot and fast like caramel—sweeter and richer by the second. If it gets too hot, it’ll burn her. Tears burn on her lash line.
“Am I ready yet?”
Chan says, “Not quite, baby, just hold on for me,” and then he tells Changbin to rub her clitoris, and with both of their hands on her, she’s a writhing mess. This is better than any sex toy or any sex she’s ever had. She feels so safe with them; nothing hurts, nothing’s confusing. It’s just her and her boys. In no time, she comes undone.
She shakes and trembles through her orgasm. She can’t do much besides push her foot into Chan’s crotch and grip Changbin’s cock—all other coordination has left her body, along with every last thought besides ‘yes.’
Changbin’s cum splatters over her collar bone as he moans and fucks himself through her fist. Chan moans too, praising both of them for coming so well and doing such a good job.
When Jisu emerges from the pool of her desire, she looks to Chan. “I must be ready now. Can we please…?”
Chan laughs. “I’m sorry love bug, I…” he coughs. “Already came.”
Jisu sits up to see. “Where? How?” She didn’t even see him get his dick out—
“Bro, you came in your pants?” Changbin howls with laughter.
“Shut up, bro!”
He cackles. “You gonna blame it on the purple Red Bull again?”
Jisu looks between them, laughing uncertainly. “Wait what?”
“Shut up, bro. You should have seen her pussy!”
Changbin gets up and grabs a tissue to wipe her neck and chest, still laughing his ass off.
Chan rolls his eyes and says to Jisu, “I came in my pants, yes. It’s not that funny, though. It’s completely normal when a guy is really turned on.”
“Normal?” Changbin laughs. “Normal when a guy is completely whipped, maybe.”
Jisu laughs again. Is Channie whipped for her? She hopes so; the thought makes her feel warm and happy. “Has that ever happened to you, Binnie Oppa?”
Changbin wipes her décolleté gently. “No,” he muses. “Unless you count wet dreams.”
Chan pulls a blanket over Jisu, which is so thoughtful. “Well, I’m gonna go shower.” He stands up. “I’m sorry, bug. Next time.”
Jisu feels a thrill through her belly at the mention of next time. She can barely contain her excitement.
꧁ཐི༺♱jisu♱༻ཋྀ꧂
Jisu picks up the phone, expecting it to be either Chan or Bin. To her surprise, it’s Felix.
“Jisu,” he immediately coos when she picks up. He draws out the ‘u’ in that annoying way.
“Jisu-yah, where are you?” Another voice shouts from somewhere a little farther from the phone.
“Is that Hyunjin?” She asks.
“Yes!” Felix says. “We’re going out tonight and you’re coming.”
Jisu is surprised again; after the last time they went out, Jisu felt so embarrassed about the hook up that she “Ehh, where are you going?”
“The usual. Come on, you never come out anymore!”
“Yeah, haha. Been busy I guess.” She tries to keep it casual. “Who all is coming?”
“Everyone is going to be there, please come,” Felix begs. “And don’t say you have school work, it’s Spring Break! What ever happened to Hot Girl Spring Break?”
Jisu fiddles with her eyelash curler. It’s been a while since she’s gone out. Plus Chan and Changbin are away for a work thing tonight so she’s bored.
“Is Seungmin gonna be there?” Jisu asks, voice dripping in casual.
Felix laughs. “She’s coming! Her and Minha and Jeongin are all going to be there—everyone’s coming and so are you! We miss you, Jisu!”
“I miss your tight little ass, bunny!” Hyunjin shouts from across the room.
Minha and Jeongin will be there? What a striking coincidence. Maybe this is an opportunity presenting itself.
When she looks through her closet and sees one specific dress that never saw the light of day, her mind is made up. That’s three signs from the universe that tonight is a good night to go out.
Jisu tells Felix to pick her up at 9:30 and begins the long process of preparing her body for the night out. She takes a long shower and does a little touch up wax. Her tattoo has mostly healed. She gazes at it in the mirror.
Blessed. She wonders what Chan and Changbin will think when they find out she went out with Hyunjin and Felix again. Probably mad. Maybe they’ll chasten her. Maybe they’ll pull her over their laps and spank her. Or maybe they’ll be brought to their knees at the sight of her in this dress.
But she’s not going to make another mistake tonight. She’s just going so she can assert her complete and utter nonchalance. Jeongin trash talks her online? Everyone cyberbullies her? Seungmin tells her what they had was meaningless? Jisu doesn’t even care. She’s still going to live her life, have fun with her friends, and do whatever she wants.
It’s not quite spring yet, but it’s also not winter anymore, so although there’s still a chill in the air, it’s not so cold that she has to bring a coat to the club.
After slithering into the tight top and tiny little skirt, she pulls and ties the straps that wrap around her waist, making sure everything is secured as best it can be considering the lack of general coverage.
The top for the dress looks kind of like a black t-shirt but someone cut out most of the front panel and then tied the pieces together with two criss-crossing straps. Then the straps continue to criss-cross down her waist, stopping just before the little black mini skirt. It’s pleated and flares out in a flattering way on her hips.
The thing is really quite tiny. She turns to the side and pulls her arms up and down. She obviously can’t wear a bra, so a soft bit of her breasts spills out from the straps on the bottom of the top. It’s all very tasteful, though.
But overall, there’s a lot of skin showing, so she grabs some sheer thigh-highs to balance out the look. It’s still March, after all.
She sits in front of her mirror to put on the chunky black heels she picked out. It’s really a shame that Changbin isn’t here. He would love this outfit. Maybe they’ll be home by the time she gets back so they can see her then.
She imagines what they might do when they see what she’s wearing. Would they call her a slut again? A bit of slick gushes out of her pussy at the thought. It’s weird that it turns her on so much when they do it, but when Minha and Jeongin do it, she’s crushed. There's no time to psychoanalyze her kinks right now, so she gets up and goes to her vanity.
Jisu opts for relatively plain makeup tonight—brown eyeliner and mascara and some blush over her cheeks and eyes and nose. She adds a few eye gems for decoration and pulls her hair into a sleek, simple high ponytail.
She has some leftovers in the spare time before Felix arrives. When he pulls up and honks the horn, Jisu spritzes herself with perfume, grabs her purse, and goes. As she shuts the door on the dark living room, a twinge of loneliness stabs at her ribs. She wishes her roommates were here to see her off.
Tonight’s not about them, though! The goal is to reclaim her narrative. She is unbothered, nonchalant Jisu who doesn't care about anything that's happened. So Jisu does her best to act cool and happy and normal when she sees the guys for the first time in what feels like forever. Her outfit gets a ‘holy shit balls’ from Felix and a ‘what a sexy bunny you are’ from Hyunjin. Nobody addresses their extended break from seeing each other, which is fine with Jisu. Tonight is supposed to be chill, light-hearted, and fun.
When she enters the club, her eyes flit from person to person. Nobody really notices her entrance, which is disappointing.
That's not the point. You’re having fun, Jisu. She goes to the bar and gets her favorite drink. When she finds Felix and Hyunjin again, they’re talking with Seungmin.
Jisu joins them and acts like nothing is wrong again. It’s all shouts and smiles and shimmies. Nobody is trying to have restorative conversations at the club. Despite the lightness of it all, a sort of exhaustion settles over Jisu. Her cheeks hurt from all the fake smiling and her voice sounds annoying when she squeals in fake delight.
She asks them to go dance instead of talk; surely if she can just let loose and drink her drink and feel the eyes of the crowd on her, she’ll feel better. It’ll be just like old times.
But as she dances and swings her head to the thumping bass, it’s really not that much fun. She doesn’t even like this song—whoever’s deejaying should quit their job. She finds herself scanning the crowd for everyone’s reactions more than once, and nobody is looking at her, which shouldn’t matter to her because she doesn’t give a fuck, but it's hard to deny it now that she does. And the fact that other people don’t give a fuck while she does is ruining her already-fragile mood.
Plus, when she dances with Hyunjin and Felix, their hands feel all wrong; too cold and too soft. And she hates the way Hyunjin calls her bunny, she’s a bug, not a bunny. She's already reached her breaking point when Felix grabs her boob and grinds on her, and she rips his hand off of her and steps away. He doesn't seem to care or notice, which makes her even angrier.
A new song comes on and she tries for the final time to twerk, but it’s just not enjoyable. If shaking her ass on stage at the club won’t help, Jisu thinks this might just be helpless. Perhaps the signs of the universe pointed her in the wrong direction. She sighs and moves to go to the bar for another drink.
Then she sees them.
Minha and Jeongin. They look like they’re sharing the worlds most interesting gossip, laughing and whispering and showing each other stuff on their phones.
Jisu’s bad mood goes to worse.
All pretense leaves her body. She doesn’t care anymore that she’s not supposed to give a fuck. She does, and she’s going to put those bitches in their place once and for all. Everything that's pissed her off tonight, all the stress of the past couple of months comes to a head. She's back in the hallway by the vending machine again, seeing red, world crumbling, but she doesn't want to crumble. She wants to destroy.
When Jisu walks up they don’t notice her; they’re immersed in something on Minha’s phone.
Jeongin bursts out laughing and throws her head back. The laugh morphs into a scream in her throat when she sees Jisu standing in front of them, arms crossed and brow furrowed.
“Holy fuck, you scared the shit out of me,” she says.
Minha looks up and yelps exaggeratedly. “Yah! Jump scare!”
“What are you looking at?” Jisu asks. “Crafting your next smear campaign? Who’s the victim this time?”
Jeongin pulls her face into mock confusion. “What is she talking about?”
“I have no clue,” Minha says, voice dripping with sarcastic innocence.
“Cut the shit, both of you. I know you’re the ones who made those fuckass confession tweets.”
“Huh?” Jeongin mirrors Minha’s fake innocence.
Minha laughs and slaps Jeongin’s shoulder gently. “Oh, I know! She means the ones where she got called out for being a nasty little whore!”
“Ooh!” Jeongin plays along. “I was wondering who wrote those… Maybe it was one of her victims.”
Minha turns to Jisu. “Well, were they wrong? The tweets, I mean.”
Jisu huffs. “Yes. First of all, I don’t have an STD.”
“Wow,” Jeongin says in the voice one would use with a preschooler who used the potty for the first time. “Congrats!”
They both dissolve into giggles.
But Jisu isn’t done. “Second of all, I have friends. I’m not a loser or a prude and people like me.”
Minha reels in her laughter, the amusement still gleaming in her brown eyes. “And who would those friends be?”
Jisu points to where she left them on the dance floor, but when Minha and Jeongin dissolve into giggles again, Jisu turns to look. She finds Hyunjin and Felix making out while Seungmin is nowhere to be seen.
“Yeah, you definitely proved you’re not a prude,” Minha says.
“By fucking the sluttiest throuple in our entire school,” Jeongin finishes. They both burst into laughter again.
“Fuck off, you bitch,” Jisu hisses.
Jeongin’s laughter dies at the word ‘bitch,’ and she’s stone-cold when she says, “But you admit it, right? You’re a slut and you always have been?” Her eyes have a crazed quality. “I knew the holier-than-thou frigidness was just an act.”
Jisu takes a step forward, even though it’s a threat and even though she knows escalation is not going to help. “It wasn’t an act. And I’m not even sleeping with them. I’ve never slept with anyone, for your information. So unless they changed the definition, I’m definitely not a slut.”
They give her an up-down. Jisu wishes she had worn something else.
Minha smirks. “You’re either stupid or delusional.”
“And you’re either a bitch or a bully. No wait, make it both. What’s your fucking problem? Why do you hate me no matter what I do?”
“Why do you care so much what I think? It shouldn’t even matter.”
Jisu opens her mouth and then she realizes she doesn’t have a counter point to that. It’s true. It doesn’t matter. Seungmin’s words from before echo in her mind. None of this has any meaning at all.
She steps back from the girls and looks back at the dance floor. She doesn’t see Felix or Hyunjin there anymore either.
This fight doesn’t matter. The whole thing doesn’t matter. And she already knew that her friendship with the throuple was tenuous. She doesn’t know why she made the mistake of coming here again with them. Is she that dumb? Is she so forgetful that when her Oppas leave the house she resorts to this? Just to have something to do?
In an instant, she’s both underwhelmed and overwhelmed by the lights and the noise and the sweat and the crowds. It’s all worthless—shallow, vapid, inane. She doesn’t know why she decided to come.
Not everything is meaningless. This is, for sure. What she has with Chan and Changbin, though—she’s pretty sure that that’s real. That’s the only real thing that’s happened for a long, long time.
Chan and Changbin are real. They’re good for her. It doesn’t take a genius to figure that out. She’s stupid for not realizing it sooner.
Jisu doesn’t look back for her old friends as she leaves the club.
The damp, cool air feels refreshing on the bare skin of her belly and chest, and she must be getting an apology from the universe for misleading her here because there’s an available taxi already idling on the road when she comes up the stairs.
Her ankles and knees wobble slightly as she gets in the car, but her voice is firm and steady as she tells the driver her address. She’s going home to her boys.
When she arrives, she sees Changbin’s car in his parking spot. No doubt they know she’s almost home—Changbin would have checked her location right away when they got home and she wasn’t there.
They’re sitting on the couch when she walks through the door. The lights are off and the only light in the room comes through the slits in the blinds.
She speaks first. “I’m sorry.”
She’s unsteady on her feet as she pulls off the heels.
The boys don’t speak until she pads over to them, her footfall soft on the carpet. She flicks a light on as Chan speaks.
“Why?”
They’re both still in their clothes from their business meeting. Maybe they just got home a bit ago. Or maybe they didn’t think to change out of their well-tailored suits—maybe something else was on their mind.
Their faces are grim, serious, with a hint of concern twisting their features into something unsettling. The way the lamp casts shadows on one side of each of their faces is almost scary.
But these are her boys, and this is real; she can tell them the truth. She takes a deep breath. “For going out… I don’t know what I was thinking. It was so stupid,” while her voice was steady before, it shakes now. “It just made me feel like shit.”
Chan says, “We told you not to do that, Jisu.”
Jisu winces.
Changbin says, “We told you to do as we say and you’d be safe and happy.”
“Why did you misbehave?” Chan asks.
Tears sting at her lower lash line. “I’m sorry.”
“Was it bad?”
She nods.
“Were they good to you?”
She shakes her head and something grows fiery in Changbin’s eyes.
“Did they hurt you?” He asks.
She shakes her head again, more fervently. “No! It was fine, we just danced. I swear!”
“You sure you’re safe?”
“Now that I’m home, I am.” She doesn’t bother telling them about Minha and Jeongin. It truly doesn’t matter.
“C’mere, lets get you out of those clothes,” Chan says.
Tension melts from her limbs and relief washes over her torso. She’s forgiven, it doesn’t need to be spoken between them. She can tell that they wont hold this against her.
Jisu stands up with Chan. He pulls at the strings of her top slowly, taking his time to undo the straps while Changbin slowly pushes down her stockings. His hands on her legs feel perfect—warm and strong and slightly rough. Chan kisses her shoulder as he pushes the thin fabric off of it. Her skin tingles and erupts in goose pimples.
When she tugs at Chan’s suit jacket, he pulls it off. He unbuttons his shirt slowly, never breaking eye contact with Jisu.
Changbin stands up and follows suit. His eyes are everywhere—on Jisu’s face, on her chest, glancing to Chan, to Chan’s chest.
She unzips her skirt and fingers at the waistband. She’s not shy; these are her boys. Plus she’s done this before. And technically, they have, too. But she wants to do it together this time. Changbin unbuttons his pants. Chan puts his fingers under his waistband. She meet both of their eyes and she finds no apprehension, only affection and desire—her own feelings reflected in them. She pulls her skirt down with her panties in one fell swoop.
Chan takes her hand and she clasps Changbin’s hand, too, before she’s whisked away. Chan leads them to the bathroom and runs the shower as hot as it can go. Jisu wishes she had a toothbrush.
As though Chan reads her mind, he pulls a new one out of his drawer and hands it to her, while he and Changbin take theirs from beside the sink.
The shower water is hot and the steam clogs the air in the room, little clouds fogging up every glass pane. But it serves to clear Jisu’s head. Her skin blooms salmon-red under the hot water. Jisu appreciates the slight scald—her skin was cool from the evening breeze before.
She barely feels the alcohol anymore, and the memory of the club is melting away like spun sugar in water. Details are dropping out, her mind can barely produce a clear image of the club, and the girls’ laughter is drowned out by the constant shh of the water. Her legs are still a bit wobbly so she grabs onto their arms for balance.
Chan’s muscles are soft when he’s not flexing and his arm skin is delicate—so pale it’s almost translucent—and covered in little hairs that are usually invisible, but in the shower, little droplets of water cling to each one so it looks like a soft little forest. The hairs get longer near his shoulder where they swirl in a beautiful spiral pattern, and Jisu marvels at how much she’s never noticed.
Changbin’s body is just incredible. Few other words could describe it. His pecs are bouncy, shoulders defined. His arms are meaty, clearly grown with care to make a balanced strength. His tummy is soft and there’s a little trail of hair up to his belly button. While Jisu is touching and marveling and lost for words appreciating his body, Changbin murmurs something about how she’s so sexy and he loves her legs.
Chan washes her hair and she washes Changbin’s. He squats down to wash her legs while she washes Chan’s back. It’s strangely therapeutic. They don’t really speak beyond soft hums, little questions, yeahs and nos.
She’s not insecure, and she never really has been, but the boys’ lingering gazes, hungry touches, and sweet compliments make her ego soar.
Jisu giggles whenever one of their hard cocks smacks her hip. They’re comically hard and it’s fun to pull and prod at their dicks with soapy wet hands. It’s so slippery.
She mourns the loss of the hot water as soon as they turn off the faucet. The little beads of water dripping down from her hair make a little puddle on the bathmat but Chan’s got warm fluffy towels ready for them and they towel off.
Changbin’s behind her when he says, “I still can’t believe you got a tramp stamp.”
“Well, you know I’ve always wanted a tattoo.”
“You did?” Chan asks. “I don’t know why but I never knew that.”
“Ever since my mom died, yeah,” Jisu says.
Changbin thumbs over the word on her back. “Is that why you got it?”
“What?” Jisu asks distractedly—she started rubbing her hand over the globes of Chan’s bubble butt like a crystal ball.
“Is the tattoo for your mom?”
Jisu jerks in surprise. “No!”
Chan pauses mid-action with lotion sitting in the palm of his hand. He must have sensed this is an important conversation.
“I—“ She turns around and searches Changbin’s eyes, but she doesn’t find recognition there. “Isn’t it obvious? I thought you knew…it was for you.” She looks to Chan. “You knew, didn’t you?”
Chan cocked his head to the side. “No, Jisu.”
Changbin moves behind her again and puts his hands on either side of the tattoo, gently holding her hips. “Wow,” he breathes.
“You two are my blessings. Just about the only good things in my life, at this point.” She takes some of the lotion from Chan’s hands and smears it all over his chest and abs and arms. “I treasure you both so much, I wanted to make something permanent.”
Chan’s eyebrows shoot up when she says permanent.
He laughs, “You won’t regret it in thirty years when you’re old and have a husband and kids and a family of your own?”
Jisu drops her hands from his body. “No, I won’t.” She doesn’t feel like getting into the future right now. If she had it her way, she would live with Chan and Bin forever. But she knows they’re bound to get lives of their own soon. They’re successful, they have careers. Within ten years, they will certainly be looking to settle down and Jisu will have to find something to do with herself.
Changbin interrupts her thoughts for the second time. “Maybe I could get one too.”
Jisu lights up. “A tramp stamp?” His meaty love handles would look incredible with a print on them.
He guffaws. “No, silly bug. Something permanent. To symbolize us.”
Jisu blushes. “But a tramp stamp wou—”
“I’ll think about it,” he says.
Chan giggles. “Jisu, can I give you some lotion, too?”
She nods, and he spreads the lotion over her back and torso, and his hands reach up and over her ribs, around her breasts a few times. It’s gentle and respectful but Jisu shivers regardless.
They blow dry their hair for a couple of minutes, and the already warm bathroom turns into a mini sauna with all of the hot air and left-over steam.
They find themselves in Chan’s room again. Changbin kisses her softly and Chan leads her to lay on his bed. It’s soft and it smells like Chan—like supple wood, new growth, and spring blossoms. Changbin’s lips are perfect; round and plush and pressing gently onto her mouth.
He lets his hand drift down her neck where moisture still clings from her damp hair, and she relishes the feeling of his hands on her chest.
Chan pets her thighs sweetly—and he did nothing wrong—but all at once the memories of being drunk in the car with Seungmin and Felix, eyes shut with unknown hands on her, come rushing back like reality.
And though it’s totally different this time; she’s not drunk and this is Chan and Bin, the body remembers, and it’s not a good feeling.
She separates from Changbin and scooches away from both of them. She pulls one of Chan’s blankets over her nakedness and looks from one boy to the other. They look surprised and a little confused.
“Are you okay?” Chan asks.
Changbin speaks at almost the same time. “Do you want to go to sleep?”
Jisu tries to process all of the feelings swarming her head. She can feel the ghost of their hands, of Hyunjin holding her thighs with his big, cold hands, Seungmin pulling her apart in her sunlit room, Felix grabbing her boobs on a sweaty dance floor. Countless touches like hand prints all over her body.
It was like when they touched her, that part of her body was partially theirs. Forever marked by the laying of their hands. That feeling scared Jisu. She didn’t want to be theirs. She wanted to be her own.
Jisu has been silent for too long, and Chan is worried now. “Jisu? What’s wrong?”
Changbin has already rummaged through Chan’s dresser and pulled out some boxers and a big t-shirt to give to Jisu. She holds the fabric in her hands. It smells like Chan, too, and it smells good, kind of like Jisu’s own fresh laundry, but with that extra Chan smell.
Her lip trembles. “When I was with my friends—I mean, them—tonight, Felix put his hands on me.”
Changbin is fuming in an instant. Jisu can almost hear the growl in his throat. “I’ll kill him.”
“Oppa, stop, it’s fine.”
“It is not.”
“I pushed him off, it was just a meaningless grope,” Jisu asserts.
Chan listens carefully. She can see the gears working behind his eyes, trying to understand what she’s saying.
She continues, “I don’t know, I mean. I know it’s meaningless. But I feel like I can still feel their hands. And when you touch me the same way, my skin remembers it and it’s confusing having both things in my head.”
Chan nods and Changbin peers at the palms of his hands.
“Do you know what I mean? It’s like, I fooled around with them. But it was dumb and frivolous and empty—” The words catch in Jisu’s throat as she realizes why she feels so strange and wrong. “And I learned my lesson, you say I did…but did I? Aren’t we fooling around, too? What makes it any different if I whore around with them or be a slut for you?
“And I want to have sex with you, because I—” she can’t finish her sentence. Love you. “I trust you both and I know you care about my safety, but what if I’m just making the same mistake? What if I’m just a thing you’re playing with?”
“Jisu, no, no, no, c’mere,” Chan shushes her and crawls to be closer to her. He doesn’t smother her or touch her which she’s grateful for. “You’re not just a plaything. We tease you about the slut thing because you like it—you still like it, right?”
She nods.
“We care about you so much. It’s definitely not just fooling around. Are you having a good time, though? It’s important that you enjoy being with us, first and foremost.”
Jisu sniffles and nods. Her bangs flop down over her face and tickle her cheekbones. “I just want to make sure this is… meaningful.”
Changbin’s brow furrows. “What do you mean?”
“Before, everything I did with Seungmin and the guys was just meaningless sex. It didn’t mean anything to them, I think. But I thought it did, to me, at least. And now that I know it was meaningless after all, I don’t want to do that anymore.”
Changbin nods and asks, “Could I hold your hand, love bug?”
She gives him her hand, and Changbin rushes to her side to hold her other hand.
“This is incredibly meaningful to me, and to Binnie, too, if I’m not mistaken.” Binnie nods. “I’m so sorry that we didn’t make that explicit before. You’re the most important people in my life, you and Bin. And I don’t want anyone here to think that we’re just messing around.
“When we promised to be there for you, back when you thought you might be pregnant, I meant it. I was ready to buy a house and marry you—or let Binnie marry you, I didn’t care—just as long as we could be together forever, because I love you both.”
Jisu whispers, “Forever?”
“That’s the plan,” Changbin murmurs. “I don’t care what it looks like, I just want to be by your side forever.”
“You would have married me?” Incredulity blooms on her tongue and it feels like static electricity.
They both nod.
She feels crazy. “Isn’t that kind of skipping a step?”
They glance at each other. “What, like dating?” Chan asks. “Do you want to date us?” He sounds like he’s asking the most ridiculous question of all time.
“Yes, of course I do, do you want to date me?”
Chan squeezes her hand so tightly and says, “Yes!”
At the same time, Changbin says, “I thought we were already dating.” He looks from Chan to Jisu.
She bursts into laughter and Changbin says, “What! Weren’t we?”
Chan is laughing too, and he and Jisu both pull Changbin into a big hug pile and he starts crying—happy tears, of course.
She cries too, and it’s so happy. She’s so happy. She blinks the tears out of her eyes and they cling to her long eyelashes. Extracting her hands from the cuddle puddle, she reaches under the boys to paw at their crotches. Enough blubbering.
They pull back to let her have access to their soft, but rapidly hardening dicks.
It suddenly occurs to Jisu. “Hey, if we were dating, why were you okay with me going out to the club with my old friends?”
She only means to tease Changbin, but he’s dead serious when he answers. “I know I can’t control you, Jisu. You’re an adult, you can make your own choices. Even if they make me sad and I disagree with them. That’s the thing about loving you: I have to let you fight your own battles.” There’s a little sadness in his voice, but he sounds certain.
She feels emotion choking her, and she doesn’t know how to express herself so she just kisses him. She kisses him and she kisses Chan, too, because she realizes that she’s never kissed Chan and she really, really wants to.
And she pushes both of them back so they’re sitting up on their elbows, and she takes them in her mouth, each in their turn.
Chan’s cock still has a bit of that mineral taste from the shower water. It’s good, it reminds Jisu of a hot spring, or the stones near a water fall that have that smell—the petrichor of wet rock and mist. There’s almost no musk or saltiness with him, and it’s quite a bit bigger than she’s used to with Binnie.
When she sinks her mouth down on Binnie, it’s like home. It’s like soul food, it makes her spirit sing. The saltiness on the tip, how it oozes more when she flattens her tongue and presses on the underside of his cock. It’s delicious and her mouth waters at the taste that’s so specifically Binnie.
The tears still cling to her lashes; she can see the light from the lamps refracting through each bead of water, splitting it into tiny kaleidoscopic rainbows.
Chan moves behind her, narrates his actions before he does them and gives her plenty of time to push him away if she doesn’t want it. He fingers her slowly, mostly using his other hand on her clitoris. It’s gentle and warm and not at all urgent. She doesn’t feel rushed or taken by surprised at all.
He goes from one knuckle to one finger to two fingers, and Jisu moans every time he grinds the pad of his fingers on her g-spot. The moaning drives Changbin crazy, and he actually asks Jisu to pull off of him twice to avoid coming too quickly.
After the second time, Jisu laughs and says, “It’s okay, Oppa. You can just come, you know.”
He smiles back at her. “Ladies first, and I’ve always said that.”
Her laugh is cut off when Chan adds a third finger. He drives it in slowly, and she pushes herself back on it because the stretch feels amazing.
“Does anything hurt?” Chan asks.
“Ha—No, feels am—mazing,” Jisu stutters.
She busies her mouth with Changbin’s cock again—she might be addicted to the taste of him—and loses track of time. Every time she makes him moan or twitch her ego swells and her pussy clenches around Chan’s fingers.
Chan leans down over her back to murmur into her ear, “Jisu-yah, do you want more?”
She nods fervently, bumping Changbin’s cock against the top of her throat in the process. She pulls off to avoid gagging and says, “Please, give me more, please.”
He pumps his fingers in and out lazily. His other hand is splayed over her butt and his thumb rests gently against her asshole and the pressure is really quite nice. It feels better when more of her sensitive skin is covered.
“You’ve got to be specific, Jisu. What do you want?”
She licks at the tip of Changbin’s cock when she sees a new little bead of precum.
“You, Oppa, I want you to—ngh,” she breaks off in a moan when Chan rubs her g-spot in little circles, keeping the heavy pressure on her ass.
Binnie’s hips stutter up when she moans. “Come on, a whore like you can say it, can’t you?”
She whimpers and looks up at him. “Oppa, please, I’m so good,” she begs.
Chan presses his thumb against her asshole harder. “Tell me exactly what you want and I’ll give it to you.”
She chokes out a moan. They’re both waiting for her to say it. She’s so embarrassed but it’s so sexy when they call her a whore—they say the nastiest things but treat her like a princess, it’s amazing.
“Oppa’s c-ock,” she mumbles.
Chan uses his fingers to poke and prod at her insides, then he straightens up. “Yes, I think you’re ready.”
He lays down next to Changbin and together they pull Jisu up to kneel over Chan’s lap.
Under their gentle care, the embarrassment all but evaporates, but uncertainty floods in to replace it. She doesn’t know what to do—should she just sit down? On his cock? She remembers the time with Felix. What if it hurts like that again? Plus, Channie is way bigger than Felix.
While she’s lost in thought, Changbin ducks down between her legs to give Chan a couple of sloppy bobs before he rolls the condom onto his cock.
Chan pulls her up and Changbin aims his cock for him, and just as she’s about to—sit on it, she guesses?—“What if you’re too big for me?” Jisu blurts out.
Chan and Changbin freeze.
“I mean, I’m just worried—your cock is really big, what if it hurts?” She tries to explain.
“Come here,” Chan says, pulling her into his embrace. He rubs her back gently and coos and she sniffles a little. She’s not crying, definitely not. This is all just a bit overwhelming.
“I did my best to help you get ready, physically,” Chan says. “But if you’re not ready emotionally, we can just stop. No worries.”
Jisu nods. “It’s not that I want to stop, I just don’t want it to hurt because it’s our first time, and I want it to be perfect,” she says. “I want to be totally ready so that nothing goes wrong. Because this is so important…”
Changbin rubs her back too. “It’s true that Hyung has a big cock. Is that the biggest thing that’s ever gone in you?”
Jisu nods again. “Probably.”
She feels Chan’s dick twitch where it lays against her backside.
“I’ll help you sit down on it, totally at your own pace,” Changbin reassures her. “If it hurts, just pause for a second and we can bounce a little before going further down.”
That sounds nice. And honestly, her pussy has been empty for too long, now. She’s aching to fill that space again.
She hovers over Chan’s lap, and Changbin picks up Chan’s cock again—resuming exactly where they left off. Jisu smiles. It’s so nice that she can pause without it ruining the vibe. It’s slow, but it’s completely safe.
The tip of Chan’s cock feels so amazing on her entrance; the way her plush lips part and spread over his head. She has plenty of slick so it slides in gently. Jisu marvels at how much smoother it feels without her panties in the way.
Changbin kisses her cheek and holds her hands while Chan gingerly holds onto her hips. Neither one of them pushes her down, they just support her there and whisper praises and encouragement.
She feels the head of Chan’s cock slide past her g-spot, and now the stretching sensation comes to the forefront. It still feels amazing, she feels so full, and she also feels the skin around her vagina pull and stretch, but not in a painful way.
“Is that okay?” Chan asks through his gasping moans.
She nods. Changbin kisses her on the lips and squeezes her hands.
“Can I bounce a little?”
Chan and Changbin both help her bounce up and down, just the tip of Chan’s cock pushing in and out of her pussy. It’s not anywhere near the whole thing, but it feels good just like this. If Chan’s moans tell her anything, it feels good for him too.
As she bounces, she notices the stretch and pull on her pussy lips slightly more and more. With each bounce, the head of his cock makes it just a little further in. She’s already panting from the exertion but the friction on her g-spot brings desperate moans bubbling up through her. More, she wants more.
She stops, and it’s like her Oppas can read her mind. They hold her exactly where she paused and let her catch her breath.
Jisu looks up at Changbin and they look down at Chan. His chest is heaving and there are splotches of red blooming up his neck. He looks fucked-out already, and that only makes Jisu want to fuck him even more.
She brings Changbin’s hand to her pussy and has him spread her pussy lips open, and she does the same on the other side. She grabs onto Changbin’s bicep with her other hand for support and inches down Chan’s cock—faster now, but still slowly so it doesn’t hurt.
When her ass hits Chan’s lap, he looks up in alarm, checking that, yes, she’s really bottomed out, and yes, she’s fully on his cock. His eyes are wide for a moment but he clenches them shut soon after.
“Jisu, I’m trying so hard not to come right now. Don’t move a muscle.”
She and Changbin laugh and when Chan pulls up gently on Jisu’s hips, she knows she’s got the green light to begin her bouncing again.
She experiments with bouncing and grinding and notices what all feels good. Chan is so sweet and lets her do it how she likes and they both support her weight.
Jisu doesn’t feel the stretch at all anymore, it’s like his cock is no longer a foreign object—it’s part of her now and she could stay like this forever, if she had to. She leans forward onto her elbows so she can kiss him.
It’s sweet and sexy and she’s never been more happy than right now, having sex with her two boyfriends. It’s incredible.
Poor Changbin is dripping precum on Chan’s arm so he takes pity on him. “Come here, bro, let me suck you.”
Changbin kneels by Chan’s head and Jisu unfortunately has to stop kissing Chan but she does get to have an excellent view of Changbin fucking Chan’s throat.
Chan thrusts up to meet her little bounces, and it feels really different when he starts moving. She whimpers.
The soft bulge in Chan’s throat every time Changbin thrusts in is fascinating. She pets his throat and feels how his cock forces its way in. Does it feel good for Chan? His eyes are watering and he’s moaning incessantly. What does it feel like for Changbin?
“How does that feel, Oppa?” She asks him.
“So ff—fucking good,” he pants. He’s got one hand on the back of Chan’s neck and the other is supporting his weight.
“Channie Oppa, how do you feel?”
He lets out a ‘mmgpf’ and Changbin mercifully pulls out to let him speak.
“So fucking good, baby, your pussy is like a perfect mold for my cock, it’s so wet and soft,” he wraps his arms around her waist and thrusts in deeper. “I wanna fuck you so hard, baby, I can’t resist, please, let me fuck you? Please?”
Jisu laughs, “Aren’t we fucking?”
Chan sits up. “Can I show you?” He asks with a wicked grin.
Jisu squeals as he picks her up and lays her down on her back. He’s in her the entire time, and when he gets her right underneath him and his knees in place, he pulls back slightly and says, “Are you ready?”
Jisu grins and nods.
Chan pumps into her, starting gentle but fast. This new angle is crazy because every thrust pushes his cock hard against her g-spot, and then when he pulls out it drags over it with the most delicious friction.
He watches her face carefully as though he’s gauging her reaction. She feels incredible though, and she hopes her face shows it.
“Binnie,” she moans.
Changbin is still there beside them. “Mm?”
“Can you do that to me, too?”
“Fuck—” Chan moans. “You want his cock, honey?”
“Yeah,” she whimpers. “I want to taste his cum again.”
Binnie coos, “You want two cocks at the same time, baby? So slutty, isn’t she, Hyung?”
“Fuck, bro—” Chan grunts. He increases the speed. “I’m so close already, fuck, her pussy is incredible.”
Jisu pouts, “Please, Oppa, can’t I have your cock in my throat? I wanna try—” she whines.
Changbin pushes his cock against her lips as she speaks and she opens up obediently.
“Fuck, you look so good with a cock in your lips,” he growls.
Chan slows his thrusts and Jisu whines. He laughs and says, “Sorry baby, I’m literally about to pump you full of cum and I want to give you a chance to get his cock in your throat before I do.”
Changbin slowly thrusts into her mouth and she turns her head to the side like Channie had so he can have a better angle.
She looks up at Changbin. His tits stick out at this angle and she has the bizarre urge to squeeze them. Again, as if Chan can read her mind, he reaches out and squeezes Changbin’s chest and rubs his back and encourages him.
Jisu can feel Changbin’s cock jump forward when Chan gropes him and it almost reaches the back of her throat. She closes her eyes and relaxes her muscles in her throat, pressing up with her tongue like Channie taught her so she doesn’t gag.
She snakes her hand around Changbin’s ass to push him deeper—she can take his cock, she’s done it before—and finally the head of his cock breaches her throat. He’s mumbling a string of profanity and gripping Chan’s shoulder, whining about how her throat is so wet and he’s so close, too.
A wave of satisfaction washes over Jisu at the thought of bringing her two Oppas to the edge of their orgasms. She feels powerful, important, sexy, and loved. She pushes Changbin into her mouth harder while wrapping her legs around Chan’s back and writhing. She wants him to fuck her again but her mouth is a little busy to use her words.
Chan collapses over her and begins thrusting in earnest. He kisses up and down her exposed neck and presses his plump lips to the spot where Binnie’s cock pushes her throat muscles out with each thrust.
Getting fucked by her boyfriends is the best feeling she’s ever felt. Chan’s cock rubs against her g-spot and his hips press down into her clitoris. The sensation of pressure—of steam rising and blasting out of a tight hole, like a geyser erupting or a mini explosion—builds within her lower belly. She moans and writhes and squeezes her legs together.
“I’m gonna come,” Chan growls against her throat.
She moans loudly, and Changbin pulls out to let her speak. “Please don’t pull out, please,” she begs.
“Fuck—nngh, you want—it inside?” Chan grunts with each thrust.
“You can come inside me, right? Please come in me, fuck, just like that,” her moans increase in volume.
“I’m gonna come,” Binnie warns. He’s fucking his fist near Jisu’s mouth, and she opens her lips for him to come.
“Fuck, can I? Fuck—” Changbin moans loudly and Jisu feels the hot salty mess spatter over her tongue and lips.
In an instant, Chan hungrily sucks the cum off of Jisu’s lips and tongue and licks the rest off Changbin’s tip as he thrusts once, twice, and three times and then holds himself as deep as he can go.
Jisu can feel his cock pumping and twitching, filling her with come. She squeezes her legs around him and grinds down on her g-spot. It builds and builds until she sees white and writhes and moans and Chan excitedly thrusts as much as he can in her iron-like grip to work her through her orgasm.
As if in sync, the two boys collapse onto the bed on either side of Jisu. She laughs and pants and they all start laughing.
“That was crazy,” Binnie says.
Chan laughs. “Yeah, crazy, you both did such a good job.”
“I love you guys,” she says.
“I love you too,” they both say at the same time. That brings another round of giggles.
Jisu sits up. “I love you, but you have to go take another shower.”
They both groan, their eyes already fluttering shut as sleep threatens to take them.
While they’re taking turns peeing and using the shower, Jisu asks, “Can I sleep in your bed tonight Oppa?”
Chan says, “Yes, of course.” He steps into the shower to rinse the sweat off his chest and wash his dick.
“Can Binnie Oppa sleep with us too?”
Chan looks to Bin and then says, “Yes, of course, love bug.”
Changbin shouts, ‘last one to bed is gay!’ and Chan says, ‘no fair!’ and Jisu and Changbin race to Chan’s bed and collapse in giggles. Chan takes his sweet time since he lost anyway, and when he finally flops down next to Jisu, she feels contented sleep pull at the edges of her consciousness. Her last thought before it takes her is that this has been the longest day ever. But it was so, so good.
⛓⛓ ࣪ › binnie ˖ ° ⛓⛓
Jisu’s legs shake and tremble, and Changbin is worried she might fall over before she makes it back to the car, so he scoops her up in his arms princess-style and slogs towards the parking lot.
Chan walks just behind him, a steadying hand on his back when there’s a step or a crack in the sidewalk to make sure he’s secure.
He deposits Jisu into the backseat and she curls up into a ball right away. Chan puts the rest of their stuff in the back with her and they get in the front.
“Bro, I think she’s had way too much,” Changbin mutters as he turns the engine on.
Chan nods, his brow knotted with worry, when Jisu moans, “I’m good, I can take more.”
Changbin drives home, glancing at her reflection obsessively. Her hair is covering her face, and he wishes he could see her.
Chan helps her out of the car and into the house. He sets her down on the kitchen counter and looks up into her face.
“You sure you’re good, bug?”
She flops her head back so her hair falls from where it was covering her face. She’s sporting a blissed-out grin. “Mhmmm.”
“Okay, well, it’s Sunday so we still have to do our chores, plus we have to clean out the picnic basket.”
Changbin and Jisu groan in unison.
“Come on, bro, don’t you think we can do it…after?”
Chan makes a disgruntled face at him. “No.”
Changbin knows that he likes things done a certain way and it’s better not to argue with him on matters relating to house care.
Chan pulls the remote from his pocket and hands it to him. “You got her?”
He nods. He pushes the center button once to turn it to a low setting. Jisu twitches and moans. She turns to Changbin and gives him the biggest smile. Butterflies swarm his belly. She looks so beautiful and she’s smiling because of him.
“I’m so sensitive, Oppa,” she says. She hops off of her perch and grabs the wipes for the counter. “Ah—” she moans when he presses the up arrow.
She keeps wiping, pausing to squeeze her trembling thighs together every few steps.
When she bends over to throw the wipes away, Binnie sends her an intense burst. Her knees buckle and she cries out, “Fuck!”
Changbin goes to help her up. “Damn it, Oppa! No fair!” She whines but she’s still got that grin, so he knows she’s not serious.
Chan coos from the sink full of soapy dishes. “Aw, our little slut can’t take a little teasing!”
“After all she put us through,” Binnie adds. “You’d think she’d be able to take it.”
Jisu laughs. “Well how about you give it a go then!” She fishes the vibrator out of her underwear and holds it out for either of them to take.
“Too scared?” She taunts when neither of them move to take it.
Changbin looks at it apprehensively. He looks to Chan, only to find his expression mirrored on his face.
“Rock paper scissors?”
“Call.”
In less than ten seconds, Binnie’s fate is sealed. He falls to his knees and Jisu cackles and she snatches the remote from his hand and replaces it with the vibrator.
It’s just a little thing, it fits a bit awkwardly around his semi-chub but the magnet attaches just fine. Within seconds of pulling his pants back up, she’s pressing ten different buttons at a time and sending the most erratic rhythm of vibrations through his crotch.
The worst part is the slippery wetness that Jisu apparently left behind. His cock slides against it and he’s hopeless.
“Get back to work!” Chan almost barks. He really doesn’t mess around when it comes to Sunday chores.
Changbin collects all the trash while enduring random zaps. He can tell Jisu is having fun so he jerks or yelps whenever she sends him a strong one, just to make her giggle.
They’re almost done. He’s just scooping up the dust in the dust pan and gingerly carrying it to the bin when she lets it rip. Changbin actually jumps because his cock is sensitive after all that stimulation and he nearly fumbles the tray of dust.
And yeah, it was hehe-haha before, but now he needs to get that remote back at all costs, so he drops the entire dustpan in the trash and chases Jisu. She squeals and yelps and runs into his room. She tries to shut the door behind her but he forces his way in and tackles her to the bed.
He’s tickling and poking and prodding trying to find the remote because her hands are suspiciously empty. “Where is it!” He shouts.
Jisu shrieks with laughter—she’s high on that thin line between terror, panic, and hilarity.
He pushes both of her hands above her head and pins them down with one hand. He begins a thorough pat-down starting at her armpits and ending at her crotch. And if he ‘searches’ her boobs a few extra times, well, that’s what she deserves.
She sticks out her tongue and says, “I put it under my tongue.”
He kisses her deeply and thoroughly inspects her mouth, but its all giggles and joyfulness. She tastes like strawberries and chocolate and he kisses her until she pulls away.
“Don’t you want to do a full strip search, officer?” Jisu pouts innocently. “I swear I don’t have it, though. You can put your finger up any of my holes, they’re dreadfully empty,” she teases like she’s a woman from the 1930s.
Chan comes in the room (he must have finally finished his chores) and Changbin feels a sharp increase in the frequency of the vibrations. Seeing as he has Jisu under arrest, it becomes clear that she is not the culprit.
He leaves her on the bed and moves like he’s going to punch him, but Chan intercepts his attack. Chan’s arm muscles bulge and Changbin is impressed. “Wow, Hyung’s muscles have really developed.”
Light flashes behind Chan’s eyes. “Oh, you thought you were stronger than me?”
“I was, and I still am!”
They grapple and Jisu claps and laughs but Changbin is so focused on overpowering Chan. It’s not even about the remote anymore; his eyes are locked on Chan’s just as tightly as their hands grip each other’s arms.
Changbin uses his larger mass to his advantage—where Chan would beat him in technique alone, Changbin has the upper hand in strength and momentum. He pushes Chan up against the door. His black eyes are fiery and intense. This is a battle for dominance, nothing else.
Chan twists his arm behind his back, but Changbin pins him to the door with his other forearm under his chin. Chan’s face cracks into a grin, and Changbin knows he won.
“Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!” Jisu cheers.
Changbin presses his forearm just a bit harder into his neck. Chan’s eyebrows rise infinitesimally, but it’s not subtle enough for Changbin to miss. While he’s caught off guard, he pecks Chan’s lips and Jisu erupts in shrieks again. He lets Chan down and just holds his hand out for the remote control.
Chan sneaks in one last zap when he puts the remote in his hand.
He chucks it to the floor and pulls the thing out of his underwear while he’s at it.
He and Chan sit down on his bed and Jisu chants again, “Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!”
Changbin laughs. “Huh? We literally just kissed.”
She pulls her mouth into a small pout. “Well, do it again,” she says in a tiny voice.
Chan looks at him with a silly grin on his face. Changbin is game, but the truth is he’d probably do just about anything if Jisu wanted it.
As they lean in, Jisu yelps, “For real this time!”
So Changbin kisses him for real. They both have full lips so they flush together nicely. Chan tastes fresh, like mint and lemon and he wonders if Chan brushed his teeth or if he just tastes like that naturally. Just as he licks into Chan’s mouth, just as he almost gets too into it—
“That’s kind of gay,” Jisu blurts out.
Their lips make a wet ‘pop’ as they pull apart. Changbin rolls his eyes. “I know, right? That’s what I’ve been trying to tell him this whole time,” he jokes.
Jisu cocks her head. “What do you mean, ‘this whole time?’”
Chan interrupts before Changbin tell her the truth.
“It’s the purple Red Bull! It makes you do gay shit!”
Jisu’s head cocks even further.
Chan continues, “And it’s all that we’ve had in the fridge for the last month! I can’t help it!”
Jisu turns to him, wickedness gleaming in her eyes. “But you told me you were getting purple because it was 'healthier' than the other colors.”
Chan’s jaw drops in dismay and he slaps Changbin’s arm. “Bro!”
Changbin curls into a ball. He’s been found out. Leave it to Jisu to connect the dots and rat him out.
Chan is (playfully) beating on his back and Jisu is just trying to get a clear understanding of what all she missed while she was absent. “Wait, so you guys were being gay this whole time? From the Red Bull? And Changbin was encouraging it by buying only the gay flavor?”
Changbin shouts from where his face is buried in his blanket. “He was being gay! I was just being myself!”
Chan continues to slap him. “I was being myself, too! The Red Bull just enhances it!” He laughs.
Jisu whines, “What were you doing? I want to see!”
He whips his head up to look at her. He can see Chan staring at him out of the corner of his eye.
‘Just about anything if Jisu wanted it’ comes to mind again.
“C’mon, Jisu, you basically saw it already,” Changbin tries to play it off.
Chan is slowly crawling towards him and he puts his arm out with his elbow locked to keep him at a distance.
She pulls the doe eye card and he’s helpless. He folds in 0.3 seconds with an ounce of featherlight pressure.
“We just… jerked off together and then one thing led to another and we—”
Chan pulls his drawstring down and buries his head in his crotch.
“—did…that.” Changbin lets out a little ‘ha’ when Chan’s lips grope around his clothed boner. (And yes, he has a boner—he was just feeling up Jisu two seconds ago. That it was sustained through grappling and kissing Chan is not his fault.)
“He blames it on the Red Bull but it’s actually your fault,” he says.
Jisu’s jaw drops in outrage. “What?! How is it my fault?”
“Your slutty outfits made us both hard! We had no choice but to take care of it. And we used to do it separately together, and then it kind of morphed into together-together.”
Chan laughs into his crotch and the puff of warm air feels funny. “Alright, alright. I admit it. It’s not really the Red Bull’s fault. But it’s not fair to blame Jisu either!” He sits up straight. “I think I’m really just gay.” He glances at Jisu and adds, “I mean, bisexual. And I wanted to do gay stuff with you, bro. In a gay way.”
Something in Changbin’s chest roars with satisfaction. Chan is admitting to being gay with him on purpose. The prideful, gloating beast that lives there is vindicated.
“And I don’t know if it was just about Jisu for you, but it was always about you, when I was with you, Bin.”
“Bro…” is all he can muster. He’s too busy replaying that sentence again in his head. It was always about him? The egotistical beast purrs with contentment.
“You’re my best friend. Actually,” he turns to Jisu. “You both are. And I’m so happy that we’re dating you, honey.”
He pauses to kiss Jisu, and Changbin feels a supermassive swarm of butterflies take flight within him. He’s still not over the fact that his two favorite people in the world also love each other and kiss in front of him like it’s no big deal now.
“Changbin-ah, you mean so much to me and I want to be with you, too. In a full-feelings, full-gay kind of way. Will you be my boyfriend?”
Changbin is speechless. He can tell that Chan is being completely serious. After all that joking and all that deflecting, Chan is finally admitting that he actually likes him. He resists the urge to make a joke out of it or gloat like a kid at recess.
“Say something!” Jisu whines.
He looks at her and there’s hope and joy and anticipation written all over her face.
“Yes,” he croaks out.
The force of Chan’s bear hug knocks him onto his back.
“Yes,” he says again with more certainty. Chan deserves to hear him say it with his full chest. “Yes, I will. I love you so much, bro.”
“I love you, too!”
“I love you, three!” Jisu pipes up.
They all burst into giggles and Jisu throws herself on top of Chan so both of their weights are combined, crushing Changbin, but he wouldn’t rather be anywhere else.
Jisu slides off of Chan’s back.“Yay, we made a throuple!”
Chan kisses his neck and Changbin cranes his neck to connect their lips again. He can’t believe that he officially got a girlfriend and a boyfriend within the span of a month.
“I know I said this before, but I genuinely thought we already were. It was always like that for me, Hyung.”
“Me too,” he says.
Jisu pushes Chan off of him and he flops over. What a literal pushover he is for her.
“Wait. So did you fuck already?”
Changbin’s eyebrows shoot up. He can’t hide the surprise in his voice when he says, “No!”
“Would you?”
He looks to his right and sees Chan’s face is equally surprised.
Changbin knows his answer. He just isn’t sure about Chan. But he just said he wants to be with him in a 'full-gay way.'
He takes a deep breath. “Yeah, I would.”
Chan sounds relieved when he agrees.
“Can I see?” Jisu presses.
“Us fuck?” Chan’s voice is unnaturally high.
Changbin peers at her. “Since when were you into that?”
Jisu shrugs. “I dunno. Since Edward and Jacob had that conversation in the tent while Bella went into a hypothermic dream-state, probably.”
“That’s… specific. Sounds like you know, baby bug.” Changbin teases.
“Come on, let me live out my dreams!” She begs.
Chan laughs. “Oh, so now we’re just your gay little dolls to live out your fujo fantasies?”
“No! You’re my two boyfriends who love me to death but also have undeniable gay feelings for each other and you need to fuck about it.” Jisu pauses to tap her finger to her chin as though she’s in deep thought. “And I get to watch!” She exclaims triumphantly.
Changbin rolls his eyes. “Well, I guess I’m going to have to go take a shower then.”
Chan looks at him queerly.
“I mean. If I'm going to bottom I need to prep…”
Jisu cackles. “You’re the bottom!?”
Changbin has never blushed harder. Isn’t he the bottom?
Chan pushes Jisu and she falls back on the bed laughing maniacally.
“Of course he is, you big fujo freak,” Chan shouts.
He pulls Changbin up off the bed and they go to the shower together.
It’s nice having a moment away from Jisu again. Don’t get him wrong, he loves that Jisu is spending more time with them and that she’s their girlfriend. But he misses Channie time (should he call it boyfriend time now?) and the calmness that comes with just two mouths instead of three.
“Do you really want to do this?” He asks Chan.
Chan retorts, “Do you?”
Changbin rubs the back of his neck, then his nose, then his shoulder. Then he drops his hands to his side. No point in being bashful. “Fuck yeah.”
“Same, bro.”
They step into the shower.
Gently, so softly that Changbin can barely hear him over the rush of water and the hum of the pipes, “I’ve been wanting to fuck you so bad, Binnie.”
“Bro… same…” Changbin breathes.
“May I?” Chan gestures towards Changbin’s lower half.
Changbin is half-embarrassed half-proud that he’s already prepped himself to an extent. He shaves his asshole on a regular basis, just because he prefers it like that. And he’s no stranger to a finger (or more) up his butt. It’s actually a bit of a fluke that he and Chan have yet to foray into this arena.
When Chan slides his hand down his ass crack and finds his perfectly smooth hole, his face is priceless. He wishes he had a camera on him to keep that expression forever.
Chan presses him up against the cool tile wall and works him open slowly. He takes his time and Changbin wonders if that’s all for his comfort or if he’s taking some enjoyment out of it himself.
Changbin savors the feeling of Chan’s bony fingers—they’re so much longer than his own.
“Bro,” he moans. “Ever since I saw Jisu fall apart under you, I wanted to feel that t-too.” A shiver runs up his spine despite the steaming hot water hitting his back.
Changbin is rock-hard and dripping, sticky strings of precum hang from his tip half-diluted by the shower water. He can feel Chan’s hard cock pressed up against his ass cheek.
“Ever since I saw your wet, messy cock, I’ve wanted to sit myself down on it and give it a permanent home.” Chan swipes at his prostate as he says it, and Changbin gasps at the sensation as well as the implication.
Chan continues, “But we’ll address that another day.”
When Changbin all but falls to his knees, begging for more; begging for his cock, Chan deems him ready and pulls him out of the shower.
The sensation of droplets dripping down his skin and the cool air swirling around him heightens his sensitivity, but not even an ice bath could kill his boner right now.
Chan grabs a handful of condoms and returns to the bedroom.
Changbin is already a bit weak in the knees from the fingering, and he feels anticipation course through his limbs at the thought of being topped by his Hyung. They stop dead in the doorway when they see—
Jisu, at the head of Changbin’s bed, splayed out, legs spread, a slippery, dripping mess between them.
She flutters her eyelids open and fixes them with the sluttiest gaze Changbin has ever seen. “What took you so long?”
She rubs the vibrator—the same one from before—in little circles at the top of her slit. A shudder wracks through her body.
“Come h-here and le’m-e watch you f-uck,” she demands.
Changbin is on the bed in front of Jisu in two seconds flat. He gets on his hands and knees and his cock hangs heavily between his legs. It’s already dripping onto the bed spread but he doesn’t give a fuck, he’s only thinking about licking up Jisu’s sizeable wet spot—and he’s bending down to let himself taste it—
Changbin keens and forgets what he was doing when Chan sidles up behind him, gets a big handful of his ass, and squeezes it. He kneads it and pulls his cheeks open and Changbin hears him tear open a condom package and pop open the top to the lube.
He’s distracted by Jisu again when she makes the most desperate, angelic moan he’s ever heard. He can’t tear his eyes off of her pussy—it’s swollen and pink and so wet that he can hear it pop and smack when she swirls her fingers through her folds.
Chan eases two fingers into him, working some more lube up inside and swiping a few more times at his prostate while he’s at it. He’s being stimulated from both directions and it’s overwhelming but he’s quickly adjusting.
“Jisu, you’re so fucking hot,” he breathes.
Jisu moans and asks him, “Aren’t his fingers incredible?”
Changbin doesn’t have the verbal processing capacity to do much else besides nod and moan. His mouth is watering just looking at Jisu’s spread-open lips. He wants so badly to taste her.
He feels a pressure on his asshole much larger and softer than Chan’s fingers.
“I’m gonna fuck you now,” Chan breathes.
Changbin nods. “Go for it, bro.” He relaxes as much as possible. He’s not freaking out at all, this is just regular old gay sex with his best friend of nearly fifteen years.
He’s being spread, impaled, cracked open as the head of Chan’s cock slowly pushes through the resistance. The stretch peaks right as the flared rim of Chan’s tip pushes past his hole, and Chan pauses for a moment to let him adjust.
Jisu coos and praises him. She interrupts her self-pleasuring for a moment to pat Changbin on the head and whisper, ‘good boy.’
His eyes flutter shut with bliss. Good boy. He wants to be a good boy for Chan too, so he simultaneously pushes back onto Chan and stretches his neck out to maintain contact with Jisu’s hand. He nuzzles into her soft skin and mouths along the bones until he gets to her slick-covered fingers.
She tastes incredible. She lets him lick her fingers lick an ice cream cone before taking the middle two and fucking them into his mouth. He sucks automatically, slurping up any and all of Jisu’s slick that he’s allowed. It only makes him want the real thing that much more, though.
At the same time, Chan gets the hint and pushes further into his hole. It’s slow, it’s glacial; it’s so gentle that he wonders if Chan thinks he’ll break. He wants to remind him that he can beat him in a fight. He’s ‘good boy’ but he’s also ‘big boy,’ and he can handle some cock.
Chan suddenly grips his hips, fingers dig into his flesh. Changbin doesn’t know why Chan stopped, but he wants more, so he arches back onto his cock.
Chan sucks in air sharply. “Stay,” he commands. Changbin sits still.
Chan is the only person on Earth who could make him sit and stay. Him and Jisu, probably.
While he’s waiting for Chan to fill him up entirely, Changbin zones out staring at Jisu’s wet pussy. He wants to memorize the way she swipes her fingers over her clitoris in little circles expertly.
“How does it feel?” She moans.
Changbin smirks. “Slow.”
Chan slaps his right ass cheek chasteningly. “Patience, Binnie.”
He arches his back again and whines, “Please, Hyung, I can’t be patient anymore— Fuck—I can take it, I’m a good boy, please.”
“You need time to adjust,” Chan says. But he acquiesces and drags his cock out and presses back in once—still infuriatingly slow, but it’s progress.
“His cock is really big, Oppa.”
“Fuck—it’s so big it’s filling me up so good.”
Jisu’s little circles speed up. “Does it hurt?”
“Fuck—no, it feels so good, the s—”
“The stretch?” She asks.
Changbin watches where her fingers slide through her swollen pussy lips. “I don’t know how he fit it into your little hole, Jisu.”
Changbin feels Chan’s hips jump forward at that comment. Jisu arches her back and pulls her pussy lips apart. Taking the same two fingers that Changbin was sucking on earlier, she slowly fucks herself open right in front of his eyes.
“Fuck, I know,” she breathes. “No matter what you do, it’s gonna sting.”
Changbin grumbles, “I wish he’d let me feel it.”
Smack. A soft buzzing sensation settles over his ass cheek.
Not a second later, Chan is rubbing the spot with gentle pets, soothing the burning red skin.
“Just a little patience, Binnie,” he murmurs, thrusting slightly faster now. “Be good.”
Jisu coos, “You’re such a good boy, Binnie, you want a treat?”
Changbin nods and sticks his tongue out. She pulls her two fingers from inside her, a lewd string of slick clinging wetly between her pussy and her hand.
She lets him suck on her fingers again and Changbin thinks he might be literally rewriting his brain chemistry right now—he’s already addicted and each hit of her slick is like heroine to him.
“He’s being so good, Oppa, please fuck him for real already,” Jisu whines as she pulls her fingers from Changbin’s hungry mouth.
“Please,” Changbin begs.
Chan finally gets the message when Changbin reaches back to pull his ass cheek open. Chan grunts out a ‘fuck—’ and starts fucking into him with abandon.
Each time Chan thrusts into Changbin, his body is jolted forward. Tiny little jerks but they add up—and was Jisu wriggling closer to him? Impossible to tell—but suddenly Changbin’s nose is about to collide with Jisu’s pussy.
“Jisu-yah,” he tries to warn her.
She teases, “Binnie, you wanna taste that badly?” He looks up at her and she’s got a crazed grin. “You should have just asked for it!”
She pulls her hand back and Changbin stretches his neck forward instantly. Finally—finally he gets to eat her up. He thought the slick from her fingers was good—the source is mind-blowing. He licks like he’s starving; ravenous, feral.
He swirls his tongue around Jisu’s clitoris and flicks up and down roughly. She moans and giggles and pushes his head harder to her pussy. He does his best to suck her clitoris while Chan rocks his shit from the back.
Earlier, when he thought he wouldn’t rather be anywhere else, yeah, scratch that. This is exactly where he wants to be. Getting back shots from his bro—uh, boyfriend—while eating out his girlfriend who happens to have the most delicious pussy of all time.
In no time, Jisu is writhing below him.
“Fuck, Binnie, ahh—”
He slides a finger into her and swirls his tongue around her clitoris. Her insides are plush and juicy and he has the crazy thought that his hole might feel like that for Chan.
“Please, fuck me, I wanna get fucked,” she whines.
Chan stutters out a laugh, “You said you wanted to watch yaoi, now you want to join?”
“It’s not fair,” she pouts. “When is it going to be my turn?”
“Greedy girl,” Chan half-laughs half-moans.
Changbin is unable to respond with his mouth full of pussy but the way she clenches down on his two fingers makes him take the whole thing very seriously. Teasing Jisu is fun and all, but he literally would do anything if Jisu wanted it. His Jisu needs to be filled. Chan is busy filling him. Why should Jisu have to wait? There’s exactly one logical answer.
“Baby come here, let me fill you up.”
She pulls his head off of her so fast it makes his head spin. She slides under him and starts fumbling with a condom on his dick. Chan pauses to help her and let them readjust their positions.
He wonders for a moment if she’s prepped enough. But she’s not an inexperienced virgin anymore. He trusts her to only take what she can handle.
Their faces are close when he says, “You ready baby?”
She nods.
Changbin slides his hips forward and he feels the delicious drag of Chan’s cock on his prostate. At the same time, his dick slides up into Jisu’s slit. Her pussy is so plush and swollen, his cock slides right through.
Jisu whines and arches her back trying to get the angle right.
Changbin can feel it as soon as she gets it. His cock is surrounded with the softest, squishiest inferno. It’s so tight that Changbin pauses and peers at Jisu’s face. It’s contorted in some kind of grimace and he worries that it’s from pain.
“Baby, you good?”
She nods, her eyes scrunched tight.
“Relax, breathe, it’ll feel better,” Changbin soothes. He leans down to kiss her.
Chan squeezes Changbin’s hips and resumes his thrusting—slower and gentler now that Changbin and Jisu are both at his mercy.
It’s kind of beautiful how he’s getting fucked and fucking at the same time. Jisu whimpers in sync with Changbin whenever Chan thrusts into him.
“Oppa, how does it feel?” She asks.
Changbin has never felt something like this in his life. He’s warm and there’s so many sensations running through him. He’s so full and so loved.
“Fuck—baby—Hyung, I’m—” Changbin is quickly overwhelmed, he can’t do much besides let Chan fuck him into Jisu. Chan’s got them though, that’s their thing.
“I’ve got you both,” he says. He picks up the pace and the pressure slowly building in Changbin’s core blossoms, it feels like something within him is opening, blooming—it’s getting bigger, he’s going to be consumed by it.
“I love you,” he moans.
Jisu cracks into the biggest smile. “I love you, too,” she breathes.
Chan grunts and groans and Changbin can tell he’s close. “I love you—fuck—”
His hips stutter and press into Changbin’s. He can feel his cock throbbing against his prostate and he’s so close—when Jisu squirms and clenches her pussy on his, he comes as well. He pumps Jisu full of his cum until nothing is left.
Jisu moans and whines and Changbin lets the sensations engulf him. Nothing matters besides this moment. An unknown amount of time passes while he recovers his sense of hearing and sight.
He pants into the blanket behind Jisu’s ear until Chan slips out of him.
Binnie collapses next to Jisu. Chan slips the condom off of him, too, and disappears momentarily.
He almost feels like crying—there were so many sensations and emotions and it felt like flying, but now he’s in the drop. It feels like he plummeted back to Earth with a big splat.
“That was crazy,” Jisu mumbles. “Was that crazy?”
“That was crazy,” he agrees.
Changbin thinks he might fall into a coma, he’s so drained. Before he passes out, he whispers to Jisu.
“I have to get him back for the vibrator thing, please help me.”
She giggles, “You can fuck him ‘til he cries?”
His dick twitches, an aborted thing because he doesn’t even have the energy to laugh, let alone get hard again.
He smiles at her. “Should I?”
“Totally. As long as I get to watch.”
꧁ཐི༺♱jisu♱༻ཋྀ꧂
Jisu shuts off the water and stands for a moment in the steamy hotness. She doesn’t really feel like stepping out into the relatively cold air of the bathroom. But some things are unavoidable. So she steps out and shivers into her towel. It’s cold, with her wet hair sticking to her back and dripping down her legs, but she’ll be warm again soon. It’ll dry.
When she’s acclimated enough, she pulls the towel off and covers her body in sweet-smelling vanilla cream lotion. Her skin is soft and smooth besides the decent little bush she has growing at the top of her slit. She prefers herself like this.
Jisu is not a slut. Well, maybe a little bit, but only for her boys.
Speaking of whom, she pulls out the lingerie that they picked out for her for tonight. It’s ruby red, but Jisu thinks it looks like the color of raspberry jam, with lots of straps and a matching thong. The bra has two little cut outs on each cup where Jisu’s small breasts spill out, giving the impression of volume.
The set came with a garter belt and thigh straps, which aren’t holding up anything, but they look nice with the lace thong. There are white gems on the nipples and over her belly button, which might be visible through her clothes, but that’s alright. It’ll give Channie and Binnie a little preview of what’s in store for them.
As Jisu turns and looks at herself in the complete set, she can admit that it’s a little slutty. But being slutty for her boyfriends is what life is all about. And as long as nobody knows, then can they really call her a slut? If they do, she won’t listen. She knows now who she is.
She slips on her baby white tee with button sleeves and shimmies into the black lace dress that she picked out for tonight. It has a scalloped lace hem on the top and bottom hem, and spaghetti straps. Which, depending on the person, could be slutty, if not for the t-shirt underneath.
She’ll complete the outfit with knee-high black leather riding boots and a black purse. It’s understated but pretty. Not baggy or hiding her body, but also not slutty or revealing. It’s just right.
She smooths her hands over the dress, and yes, she can feel the hard gemstones press into her nipples. It feels good knowing what she has on underneath. It’s like a little secret for Channie and Binnie only.
After all of the whoring around she did junior year, she finally feels like she has a grasp on herself. She’s their favorite dongsaeng, their precious baby, a little slutty—but only for them. And she finally learned what she needs to be happy. Not attention or praise or approval from others. Just the adoration and devotion of her two favorite Oppas.
Jisu exits her room to a round of oohs and ahhs, and she does a few spins to make sure they get the whole effect of her outfit.
Channie comes to her first, unable to keep his hands off her waist.
“You look so good, baby,” he says into her hair.
Binnie joins them.
“I love your dress,” he says.
Jisu is happy they like her outfit. She predicts they’ll like whats underneath just as much.
And she doesn’t care what anyone else might think. At all.
End.