Chapter Text
“Aren’t you going to work?” Yoohan asked Jay one morning as he was loading the dishwasher.
They’d finished eating breakfast more than an hour ago and Jay still hadn’t left for work yet. Chief Park had already called numerous times but Jay didn’t show any signs of leaving. Normally he’d be in his office at this hour but here he was pacing back and forth in the kitchen, with an uncharacteristic worried look on his face.
Yoohan didn’t mind his presence; he actually liked that Jay had lingered a lot longer instead of rushing out of the door like he normally did, but even he knew that something was off.
“Soon,” Jay only gave him a one-word reply as he continued pacing.
Yoohan wasn’t satisfied with his reply, but he went back to loading the dishwasher and cleaning up. There was no point in pushing for more details. Whatever Jay was agonising over was probably too complicated for him to understand anyways. Preferring to have a shower instead of standing in awkward silence, Yoohan left Jay behind in the kitchen and returned to their bedroom as soon as he finished cleaning up. He slipped his short off and tossed it into the laundry hamper. But before he could remove another article of clothing, he sensed that he wasn’t alone.
“Look, I’m not in the mood and you need to get to work,” Yoohan said, preempting Jay’s desire to initiate sex again.
“It’s... not that,” Jay replied sheepishly.
Yoohan turned to face Jay, surprised by what he’d just heard. Jay’s strange behaviour was now making him uncomfortable. He looked at him expectantly, waiting for an explanation.
Jay sighed and let his shoulders fall. It almost seemed like something had been weighing him down.
“It’s this,” Jay replied. He extended his hand towards Yoohan and presented him with a white envelope.
Yoohan looked at it apprehensively. He looked up at Jay and back to the envelope before reaching out a hand and taking it from him.
“It’s for you,” Jay added.
“What is it?” Yoohan asked as he examined it.
“It arrived yesterday at the office, through your fan mail P.O. box,” Jay replied.
Yoohan scanned the envelope. He noticed it was addressed to him but he didn’t recognise the sender. But most importantly, it was open.
“I have a fan P.O. box?”
“Yes, that’s where your fans send you mail,”
“I have fans? They send me things?”
“Yes. Now read it,” Jay replied impatiently.
“Hey! Why is this open? Why are you reading my mail?”
“I read all your mail,” Jay replied, his patience all but ran out as he eyed Yoohan.
Yoohan didn’t know how to feel about this admission but he didn’t have time to dwell on it. He was more interested in finding out why the contents of this letter had Jay so shaken. He could feel Jay’s eyes boring into him and his impatience growing as he opened the envelope, slipped the white letter out, and unfolded. Neither the envelope or the paper the letter was written were remarkable but he still felt anxious. The sender's name and return address on the envelop were both unfamiliar to him, so it didn't immediately make sense to him why Jay was so bothered by the letter. The letter itself was entirely handwritten and the penmanship was simple. His first thought was that it was a fan asking for an autograph or a nude photo or even worse, someone was trying to blackmail him. As he read the letter, he quickly learnt that all his guesses were incorrect and that the letter was from someone completely unexpected. The letter read as follows:
Dear Lee Yoohan,
I hope you are doing well. I know it’s been so many years since we last saw each other and you probably don’t remember me. However, I see that you’ve grown into an amazing young man and you've done very well for yourself. I wanted to let you know that I’m proud of you and what you have achieved. I hope to meet you sometime. Say hello to your mother and brother for me. I will be at the Dream Entertainment office on Wednesday morning if you want to meet me for chat.
From your father,
Baek Ji-hoon
Yoohan remained silent, too shocked to move or speak. He reread the letter a few times, believing that his eyes were playing tricks on him or that he was hallucinating all but no matter how many times he tried the words didn’t change. His blood had gone cold and his mind was hazy. It was the last thing he’d expected to receive.
“From your father” those words stuck out the most. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d seen the man. His mother never spoke of him and she hadn’t kept any pictures or traces of him so it was hard for him to visualise the person who’d written the letter.
His mother had told him that his father had left their family shortly after Hansoo was born and their marriage had been rocky from the beginning. All she’d ever said was that his absence was for the best and that they were better off without him.
He didn’t have any memories, neither good nor bad. As a child he’d wondered what had happened to him and why he’d abandoned their family, but he didn’t have luxury to dwell on the details. His survival was more important. Despite this, Yoohan still felt the his father’s absence. There had been many moments throughout his childhood where he’d wished for an older male presence to look up to and do things with. He remembered being envious of other children who spoke fondly of their fathers and how he could never related to their stories. For example he wished his father had taught him to swim, fish and play sports but he had to figure all those things out on his own.
Thinking of all of this made feelings of bitterness and anger that he thought he’d dealt with slowly rise up within him. It was insulting that this person still had the nerve to call himself his “father” despite not being in his life or doing anything for him.
After a while of continued silence, Jay cleared his throat, bringing Yoohan back to the present. Yoohan looked up from the letter and looked at Jay. He was looking at him expectantly.
“What are you going to do?” Jay asked softly.
Yoohan was too upset to reply. He walked towards away and plopped down in armchair and leaned his head back. The letter he’d been holding slipped through his hands and fell with a soft tap on the floor. His mind was racing and he couldn’t form words, let alone make a decision. He sat with his eyes closed, as he tried to sort through his feelings and make sense of what he’d just read. Once he’d composed himself, he finally spoke
“Is it really him?” Yoohan asked, his voice cracking slightly.
“I looking into it and it is,” Jay replied cautiously as he sat on the ottoman at Yoohan’s feet.
Yoohan cursed under his breath and didn’t speak for a while. It was all too much. He was overwhelmed with emotion.
“Who the fuck does he think he is?! And what right does he think he has to contact me after all this time?!” Yoohan yelled. He clenched his fists to keep his hands from shaking. “And then the thing about my mother and brother! That fucking peace of shit! I should meet him just so that I can punch him in the face! That fucking…”
Yoohan stopped yelling when he felt Jay gently stroke his bangs and then his cheek. This simple action always had a strange way of soothing, and right now, it was exactly what he needed. He didn’t push him away when his fingers trailed up and down his neck.
“You don’t have to meet him if you don’t want,” Jay said softly. He the stood up and gently kissed his forehead.
To thank him, Yoohan wrapped an arm around his waist, while he leaned his head on his abdomen. His raging anger had quickly subsided. He was now thinking about how much of anchoring presence Jay was in his life and how despite his inability to connect emotionally with others, Jay somehow always knew what he needed. They remained in this position for several minutes until Yoohan spoke again in a small voice.
“You should probably get to work now.”