Chapter Text
He wakes up, instantly touching his head. It's banging and spinning, and he needs it to stop. He wills it to as he tries to sit up. Looking down, he notes that he's still wearing his shirt and cardigan, but all their buttons have been undone leaving his chest and stomach exposed. He also sees that his shoes are still on, and his jeans are on his legs stopping just above his knees, 'she probably gave up trying to get rid of them' he thinks. His underwear sits just under his bum, and his cock is out.
Staring down at himself; he feels dirty. He knows what happened. He knows what she did. He said no. He said he didn't want to. ‘Why did she do it?’
After tucking himself back into his boxers he lifted his hips to tug them then his jeans up and sat fully upright, back against the headboard.
He doesn't know what to do now. He knows what he should do. Police. It's what he'd tell someone else in his place to do. What he told Aaron to do. But he still doesn't know what to do.
'It's different, isn't it?' he thinks.
He shakes his head at himself. Suddenly he’s struck with this need – he wants Aaron.
Then he remembers – Aaron doesn't want him. He ended it. They were finished, over. Aaron told him to leave him alone. He'd lost him. He was alone.
He sat there thinking, staring at the walls for a few more hours until he'd made his decision.
He did up his buttons and buckled his belt, slipped off the bed and picked up his leather jacket which was in a heap on the floor in the middle of the room.
His phone was in the pocket. He took it out and the screen showed it was 10:36, had 56% charge left and a dozen or so missed calls from Vic and Liv, and 1 voicemail from Rebecca. Without warning he threw up, turning just in time to brace himself against the wall.
Examining the puddle on the floor he saw it was mainly liquid; he hadn't eaten since yesterday morning, before going to see Aaron. He spat the last of it out, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand.
Standing up straight he pocketed the phone; he wasn't going to listen to it. He was just going to do what he had planned.
He’d almost managed to make it all the way to the bus stop without being seen by anyone he knew. That was until Brenda came out the cafe with mugs for a couple sat on one of the tables. She made eye contact, and he hesitated for a second before he kept walking.
Thankfully the bus arrived mere minutes after he sat down and when he got on, he sighed with relief that no-one else was going to spot him.
-----
He was now there – here. He'd made it.
The door was just a few metres from where he stood, reading and re-reading the sign above it – 'HOTTON POLICE STATION', in big intimidating capital letters. It took him a few minutes before he made it inside.
As he walked in, he was struck with that generic police station noise. There were a few uniform officers walking about and a few people in suits sporting lanyards around their necks.
There was only one other person in the waiting area, sitting on the chair furthest from him in the corner. An officer was stood behind the front desk, separated by a glass screen that had a rectangular hole at the bottom. He made his way to the front, standing directly in front of him. The man was looking down at the paperwork in his hands, but he'd made a quick glance up to him before returning to reading the paperwork.
Robert stayed silent, he didn't know what to say. How was he meant to say it? He guessed he hadn't thought this part through. He wanted to run. To turn around, leave, and go... he had nowhere to go. He frowned at the thought.
Probably realising he was still standing there, the officer set his paperwork down looking at him as he spoke, "Can I help you with anything? Sir?"
Robert remained silent, eyes flickering over his face.
"Sir?" He prompted him again.
"Uh..." It came out croaky and dry, so he coughed, "uh... yeah... yes." He nodded his head but didn't add anything else.
"What do you need help with?" Another prompt.
"I uh... need to... I need to report something."
"Report a crime?"
"Yeah... yes." Back to silence.
"Could you tell me about the crime?"
"Urmm... I don't know what to... call... it's... it's... it was... urmm... assault?... I guess."
"Okay I see. When did this incident take place?"
"Last night."
"Alright, and was it you who was assaulted or someone else?"
He looked around, wary of who was around him, "Me."
"Right." He nodded. "What I'm going to do is get you a private room so you can be a bit more comfortable. Is that okay?"
He nods, clears his throat, "Yeah, yeah."
The officer moves back from the desk and exits through a door into the open area. "Follow me." He gestures for him to follow through another door. They walk down a hallway, through another door, then a second hallway and another door. This one was to a small room, but the bare furniture made it quite spacious. A two-seater sofa was up against the left wall with two matching chairs opposite separated by a table in the middle.
"If you could take a seat." The officer leads Robert to sit down on the sofa as he takes up one of the chairs. "My name is PS Wilson. What's yours?"
"...Robert."
Wilson gives a small smile and nod, "Right so would you like to tell me what happened Robert."
"Urh... I don't know... I-" His eyes flickered towards the door.
Noticing, Wilson added, "Take your time. No rush, we're just having a chat about it. Okay?"
"Okay." A few minutes passed before Robert spoke again, "Sorry I... I don't really know where to start."
"That's alright. Maybe you could tell me about when it took place?"
"It was yesterday... Last night."
"And could you tell me what happened yesterday?"
"I was... err... assaulted I guess."
"Okay, and in which way were you assaulted?"
"I said no. But... she err did it anyway. I was drunk you see... I did try to stop her... but I was just so out of it, could barely move."
"And what did she do?"
"Assaulted me." Was he not listening? Or maybe his rambling wasn't clear.
"I'm sorry, but I need you to say exactly what happened. Give details."
"Right sorry... she err... you see she made me..." Robert looked directly at Wilson, he could see he was expecting more. He took a deep breath, eyes fixed downwards and uttered "She made me... have... err... sex... with- with her."
"Thank you Robert, I know that must've been hard to say. So, what's going to happen now, is I'm going to get a colleague who will be a specially trained officer to take your statement. Is that alright with you?"
"Yeah, okay."
He was left on his own. He'd done it, he said what happen to him, but he knew he’d have to say it again, to say more.
When the door opened again, a man in a suit walked in. He had dark hair and a trimmed short beard. "Hello Robert, I'm DS Ian Taylor, I'm the officer that will be dealing with your case." He sits where the other guy had been sitting. "Okay so firstly I just want to ask a couple of questions. Is that okay?"
He nods.
"Great. So, you said this happened last night?"
"Yes."
"And could you tell me where this took place?"
"Umm... my house. Well new house. Haven't moved in yet. Still doing it up. Won't be ready for a while."
"Okay thank you. Did you go anywhere else after before coming here?"
He shook his head, "No."
“How did you get here?”
“Uh… I took the bus, and then I walked.”
“By yourself?”
He nods.
"And did you change your clothes at any point?"
"No."
"Have you eaten or drunk anything since last night?"
"No." The dry feeling of his mouth came instantly back at the reminder.
"And have you been to the loo since last night?"
Robert was slightly taken back by that question, it seemed irrelevant, "No."
"Okay. You're doing great." he assured Robert. "So, before I take your initial statement I want to take an early evidence kit, just a few swabs from your hands, face and inside your mouth. Is that alright with you?"
"Sure." He agrees but then remembering he adds, “I did err, throw up this morning though.” He’s sure his breath stinks.
"That’s fine. Doesn’t matter. After the kit’s out the way we can give you something to drink." Rob nods along. "Then if it's alright with you, I want to take you to a full forensic examination."
"Urr... before I even tell you what happened? I thought that comes after."
"There's no set order. But we like to get forensic evidence as soon as possible. It also means that you can have a wash, change clothes, and use the loo earlier allowing you to be more comfortable."
"Oh."
"Is the examination alright with you?"
"Okay then, yeah. I do want to change clothes."
"Right. Myself and another colleague will transport you over to a specialist centre for the examination."
Once again, he was led through the building and then ushered into the back of a grey car. The seat and floor was covered in a plastic sheet to 'preserve evidence' they said.
-----
The car pulled up at the centre after about half an hour of driving. Robert was ushered inside where he was introduced to his examiners. The main one, he guessed, had short brown hair and a small calm smile on her face. She introduced herself as Emily, asking him a few questions and explaining what was going to happen here.
“Have you ever experienced one of these examinations before?”
“Uh…” his mind was racing, “…yeah I have.” She just nodded along. “But I… it was when I was a kid. I don’t really remember too much… And it was- wasn’t… Nothing had actually happened to me.”
“I understand. I will go over everything, taking you through it step by step.”
Gently, he was prodded and poked. They took his clothes, carefully placing them into brown paper bags. They snapped photographs of nail markings and bruises on his skin and took endless number of swabs, around and in his mouth, up and down his penis. He hesitated when they asked to exam his anus.
"Wh- wh- why do I need? It's not like she could..." he trailed off.
"We simply need to cover all areas, Robert." Emily explained. She was quite nice about it and guided him, explaining each step as she went.
After he finally got to shower and pee, he was given a comfortable grey tracksuit to wear. Anything was better than being in those clothes he thought to himself.
They explained to him about his potential exposure to STIs and HIV, about the testing and preventative treatment he’d need to undergo. He felt quite numb as they bombarded him with all the information. Not really taking it in.
Now he was sitting on another couch with Taylor once again in a chair opposite, fidgeting with the sleeves of the grey jumper.
"Robert I'm going to ask you questions about the assault now, is that okay?"
“Umm.” Anxiety shot through him, his leg quickly moving up and down.
“Robert–”
“–Liv. I’m meant to be looking after her.” He starts rambling. “I didn’t come home last night. She might be worried. She’s been suspended from school. I’m meant to be watching her. She’s my husband’s little sister. He’s away at the moment you see, so I’m meant to be looking after her. Noah too. He’s his cousin’s kid. Didn’t see him off to school–”
“–Robert.” Robert’s blathering was cut off. “You don’t have to worry about any of that right now. You can just focus on this.”
"Yeah... yeah." He sits up straighter.
"Good. Can you tell me what happened? You can start from the beginning or anywhere you like."
"Er... I don't..."
“It’s okay,” Taylor assures him. “This happened yesterday?”
He nods to that, "Yeah… So yesterday I was at the house, the new house. I was... I had a err... bad day... So I was... was drinking. Yeah."
"It’s okay Robert. What was it you were drinking?"
"Whiskey. I err. Had nearly a full bottle by the end. She did have a mouthful or two... I don't... I can't really remember the exact amount... but definitely not many- much."
"So did she arrive with you?"
"No." Robert said quickly. "I did... I did text her to come over." He gave a guilty look upwards. "I didn't... I didn't want..."
"That's okay, just keep going."
"She's a friend. Well, I thought she was a friend you see... and I was upset... I shouldn't've... I don't really do the friend thing." He took a deep breath before continuing. "I was sitting on the floor against the wall. I was in the master bedroom upstairs. I had... had trashed the place a bit before she got there.
Anyway, I was sitting and she came and sat down next to me. We talked and I drank; she had a couple sips. I remember she ended up putting her hand on my leg... but I thought she was just being comforting... ‘cause I was, you know, upset, but then she tried to kiss me. I turned away and said no, I didn't want to. She apologised. I stood up but was unsteady on my feet, so she stood up fast and sort of caught me. She said that I should maybe sleep it off and she walked me backwards to the bed. My legs hit the back of it, and I just collapsed onto it.
That's when I felt her touching me, stroking up my chest. My arms felt really heavy, and I was trying to push her hands away, but she just pushed them into the bed. Then I felt her climb on top of me. I told her to get off and she… chuckled.
She started undoing my belt. I said no. Tried to stop her again. But she kept pushing my hands away. Then her hand was in my underwear... str- stroking me... I didn't want to... but I got... erm... hard, I guess.
I was still saying no, and she lent down and whispered into my ear 'Shhh. I know you want this. You're already hard for me. I'll make it good for you.' That's when she pushed down onto me."
"Sorry Robert but I need you to be explicit."
He let out another deep breath. "She lower herself onto… my penis, making me... you know, enter her.”
“Thank you, Robert. You’re doing a great job. Do you know if she used any contraception?”
“I don’t know. I don’t think so. I didn’t even think of…”
“It’s okay, don’t worry about that. What happened after?”
“I er... I tried to push her off... but I don't remember anything after... I passed out.
When I woke up the next morning she was gone."
He finished recounting the events of that morning, including the un-listened to voicemail she’d left and the throwing up onto the bedroom floor, relieved that he'd finally got through it all.
"Robert, can you tell me her name?"
"I... err..." He shook his head.
"It's okay if you can't. You can always say later."
"No," Robert replied quickly. "It's- it's- it's Rebecca... err Rebecca White."
“Can you tell me about her? Your friendship with her?”
“Right… She… she was my… I was married to her sister. We’re divorced though. I did… err… we had an affair. Before I married Chrissie.”
"Thank you, Robert. You've done really well.”
“She lives in the village, well Home Farm, but I’ll see her. She left me that voicemail. I don’t want to see her. What if she won’t leave me alone?”
“One of the things we can do, is issue a temporary restraining order to her, which will offer protection until a court hearing can be held. This means that she won’t be able to contact you in anyway and has to keep distance from you. Is that something you want?”
“Yes please.”
Taylor nods, “Are you thirsty, hungry? We can get you something."
"Umm... I'm not sure I can stomach much."
"We can get you something small, a sandwich perhaps."
"Sure, maybe. I'm quite tired actually, how much longer... what's left?"
"Well after you've eaten, we'd like you to give a formal witness statement."
"Haven't I just done that?"
"Sorry, that was an initial statement. This will be a formal witness statement which will be used as evidence."
"Oh."
"We prefer to do this via a video interview. It would be talking to me just like this, again you can describe what happened in any order. It will be pieced together later on.
However, if you don't want to do a video interview or would feel uncomfortable then we could do a written statement. Though people tend to find it harder to describe events clearly.
It's completely up to you."
"If I do the video, what... what happens after?"
"Then we will run through how the investigation will work, next steps, and refer you to support services and any extra things we can do for you.
Then you can go home. We can drive you if you want."
"Okay. I'll do the video. I want this over with."
"Very good. I'll grab you that food before we set up the room."
-----
Finally, he was actually done. He had to give more impossible details during the video statement. Then they'd referred him for an ISVA (Independent Sexual Violence Advisor) that they said would be in contact, as well as a specialist therapist he'd agreed to see. Not even sure if he'd go, yet he took the number, just wanting to get out of there.
After rejecting an escort home, he half-heartedly accepted the offer for a taxi home. The car pulled up round the back of the Woolpack. He stared at the building, which looked somehow different even though the outside hadn’t changed at all since he was a little kid. Memories started flashing in his head. He remembers how he’d sit on the low wall with Andy when they were 11 or 12, or sometimes with the gang when they were teenagers, flirting with Katie at his dad’s birthday party, leaning against the window’s flowerbed holding Aaron after Gordon was found guilty. It all felt like someone else’s life, someone else’s memories. Clearly, it was him who was different now. How much change can one day make?
“Sorry mate, meter’s still running, and they only gave me twenty.”
“Right sorry.” He unclips his belt and steps out of the car.
“No worries. Have a nice day.”
He shuts the car door and makes his way over to the entrance, hearing the taxi drive off behind him. A quick pat down reminds him these aren’t his clothes, and the police took his keys. Hoping to find it unlocked he steps forward and turns the handle, relieved to find it was. They probably should lock it, what with the amount of people that just walk in. But he’s thankful that it’s open now as he slips in silently making his way up the stairs and into his room.
Taking a moment, resting his back on the door, he takes a deep breath, smiling when he picks up Aaron’s scent, it makes him feel safe. He frowns, Aaron left him.
He moves further into his room, stripping himself of the grey tracksuit, dumping it on the bed. He puts a pair of dark jeans on and flicks through his shirts in the wardrobe but none of them felt right, that’s when he had an idea. Walking over to the chest of drawers he picked out one of Aaron’s dark grey t-shirts, sniffing it to relax at the smell before putting it on. He opted for one of his hoodies too. A black one, slightly over-sized for Aaron, but just fitting for him. He felt like he’d just put on a comforting suit of armour. People might pick up on the fact that he’s wearing Aaron’s clothes, but they’ll just think it’s because he’s missing him. Which he is.
He pulls out the replacement phone the police gave him from the joggers on the bed and made his way over to Aaron’s bedside drawer. It’s where he’d put Aaron’s phone after getting it back off Liv. He transferred all the numbers he needed and sat it back in the drawer. He found Aaron’s set of keys and took his wallet too.
One look in the mirror and after deeming himself presentable, Robert made his way downstairs.
The living room door was ajar, and he heard cluttering in the kitchen. With a small tap he pushed it open, stepping inside. Chas peeked out from the kitchen corner.
“Finally! Where the hell have you been?! I’ve been calling you! Liv’s told me something’s happened with Aaron. Then you go awol.” She moved towards him, expecting a response. “Well?”
“I… err… missed the calls.”
“Where have you been? No-one’s seen you since yesterday. Vic said you kicked Adam out of The Mill.”
“Yeah… I was angry, got drunk. I… smashed up the place a bit.”
She sighed and shook her head. “Tell me what’s been happening? Is Aaron okay?”
Robert shrugged.
“Sit down, was just making a brew.”
He sat down at the table, Chas taking the seat next to him, placing their mugs down in front of them. “I tried to see him, but the prison wouldn’t let me, so I started to worry, thinking he’d been beaten up or something,” he started to explain.
“And had he?”
“Liv could see how worried I was getting, so… she told me the truth about how he was when she saw him. And he was off his head. On spice.”
“What? Drugs?”
“They finally let me see him, and he wasn’t wasted like he was when Liv saw him, but he was on edge. Said that getting high was the only way he was going to get through his sentence.”
“I’m gonna kill him. I’ll flaming kill him!” She was livid. “I mean this is such a copout, I mean I’ve been inside, and I didn’t need drugs! And how’s he affording it? Are you giving him money?”
“He’s been delivering it ‘round the prison.”
“Oh he’s delivering! Oh! Right okay, so he’s dealing and using that’s just brilliant. Do you know if he is caught with this stuff, he will do his full sentence for sure. I mean for all we know, he could’ve blown his appeal already!”
“Maybe.”
“And why’s he doing it? Why’s he doing it now? Is this just him self-harming in some other way?”
“I don’t know.”
“WHY DON’T YOU KNOW ROBERT? WHY DON’T YOU KNOW?” She bashed the table making him flinch. “And why didn’t you call me for god’s sake?” He looked away and Chas sighs, “Sorry. Sorry, this isn’t your fault. I know you’ve been spinning plates here on your own. What with Liv and, Noah, and this.”
He stood up, “I don’t know what to do.”
“This isn’t fair on you. You’ve been brilliant Robert. Aaron’s lucky to have you, we all are. Why don’t we go down there together? ‘Ey? Talk some sense into him. See if we can sort it out.”
Robert shakes his head “No there’s no point. I couldn’t get through to him last time. It’s better if you just go and see him on your own. I can’t do it I’m sorry.” He turns and walks out the door.
-----
The pub is quiet he notes as he walks in. He’d just wondered round the village for a bit, thinking about Aaron, thinking about her, thinking about what he was supposed to do next. He thinks the fresh air calmed him down a bit, but he knew he needed to face Chas again. She was on the phone when he entered the back room, gesturing him ‘one minute’.
“Well please let him know that I’m coming.” Chas hung up.
“Prison?”
She nodded.
“Thought that maybe somebody had called.”
“Like who?”
‘Police’, ‘Rebecca’, he thought but didn’t say.
“I know you’re worried about him. We both are. I could ring his flipping neck. But he is still my boy.”
“Okay. I want to see him first, on my own.” If he’s going to get through this, he needs Aaron. He’s decided he’s going to do whatever he can to get him back.
“One minute you’re not coming, the next you want my spot. What don’t I know?”
“He… He finished things with me.”
“What?”
“Told me to leave him alone. He ended it. We’re over,” Robert sniffles out. “I… I… I need to get him back.”
“Oh Robert, he wouldn’t’ve meant it. He’s clearly not in his right mind.”
“He seemed pretty certain,” he muttered.
“He was coming down off spice!” She sighs. “Look I’m sure that he regrets what he did. He loves you. Come with me to see him tomorrow. We need to fix this.”
Robert nods in agreement, then heads upstairs. Collapsing on the bed, he sits mentally forming a plan. He needs to:
- Get Aaron back.
- Get Aaron out of prison.
- Sort out Liv’s schooling, find her a tutor in the meantime.
- Fix and finish doing up the house.
- Maybe call that specialised therapist’s number?
Keeping busy will help he thinks. The more he does the less he can think. Although, he does think about the therapist. He can’t tell anyone here, his family can’t know. The only person who he might even consider telling is Aaron, except, he’s in no fit state at the moment, and he’s in prison. He has to rectify that before he can contemplate telling him. No, he can’t tell them, but perhaps he can tell a stranger again. Maybe he can unbottle it all with a therapist to make sure nothing slips out to anyone else.
He runs through his planning several times in his head as he gets ready for bed, wearing Aaron’s pyjamas as he slides into Aaron’s side of the bed.