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Euijoo is bisexual.
This is something he only recently came to terms with. It still feels a little weird, sometimes; like a new pair of shoes that have yet to be broken in. But he's comfortable with it, for the most part.
The hardest piece is feeling like he has to start over. Euijoo doesn't have a ton of dating experience in the first place, but what experience he does have has all been with women. He has absolutely no idea how to romance a man. The thought of even trying has his gut swirling with anxiety. He feels like an eleven year old boy again, helpless and shy in front of his first crush.
It sucks. At 23, it's a little bit embarrassing. He knows plenty of other people his age who have never dated before, but to end up back here after he already went through this once—it feels unnecessarily cruel. He thought he had things mostly figured out, but he didn't. He doesn't. Euijoo figures he should try to remedy this as soon as possible.
The problem is, he doesn't really know where to start. So he goes to Nicholas: the most self-assured bisexual he knows (and perhaps, in the world).
"Is it different?" Euijoo asks. "Kissing guys, I mean."
It's the weekend; they're lounging on Nicholas's couch while some old sitcom plays on the television. They've been hanging out all day. Euijoo doesn't even know what time it is anymore. But that's nothing new—time always seems to flow differently when they're together.
"Sort of?" Nicholas furrows a thoughtful brow. "Not so much normal kissing I guess, but the rest? Definitely."
Euijoo shifts uncomfortably in his seat. "What do you mean the rest…"
"Like…sex," Nicholas says with a shrug. "Making out, even. Dating in general."
"Oh." Euijoo doesn't know what kind of answer he was expecting, but he suddenly feels very ill-equipped for this conversation. He can already feel his face heating up. "I see."
Nicholas seems to sense his embarrassment, as he senses most things when it comes to Euijoo, and immediately shifts into teasing mode. He wiggles his eyebrows playfully and breaks into a cheeky grin.
"Why do you ask? You got a guy you wanna kiss?"
"No!" Euijoo protests, perhaps too quickly. "I was just curious. I don't really have a frame of reference for most of that, anyway."
Nicholas rolls his eyes. "I know you're a virgin, Juju, but give yourself some credit! You've made out with someone before."
Euijoo grimaces.
"Well…"
Nicholas's jaw drops open in shock. "Are you kidding me? You had a girlfriend for like eight months!"
"In high school!" Euijoo exclaims. He folds his arms defensively across his chest. "I feel like that hardly counts. And we did make out, like, once…but it was really awkward. I got hard and she freaked out."
It's a memory Euijoo would rather not recount. He never should have mentioned it in the first place, actually, because now Nicholas is snort-laughing in his face. Euijoo glares and chucks a throw pillow at him.
"Sorry, sorry!" Nicholas snickers. "What about that girl you were seeing last year?"
"Yerim? We only went on a few dates. Nothing really happened."
"Oh, Juju. You poor soul."
"Shut up." Euijoo wilts a bit, a deep frown settling on his face. "Is it really a big deal?"
"Well, no, but…you're definitely missing out," Nicholas says. Euijoo knows he's just teasing and that there's no actual judgment here, but he can't help but feel like he's being wronged somehow.
"Why? What's so good about it?" he challenges.
Nicholas laughs. "I dunno man, it just feels good. It's hard to explain if you haven't experienced it," he says with a shrug. Euijoo is about to throw another pillow at him for being patronizing when his face lights up. "Wait– I just had a genius idea."
Euijoo has seen this look on Nicholas's face before. It's the look he gets when he's about to suggest something incredibly stupid. Euijoo's gut churns with anxiety.
"What is it…" he asks, reluctant yet resigned. There's a familiar mischievous glimmer in Nico's eye that can only mean trouble, and Euijoo had learned long ago that there's nothing he can do to stop it.
"Let's make out," Nicholas says.
Euijoo almost falls off the couch.
"Excuse me?!"
"Come on, I'll teach you how!" Nicholas insists. "It'll be good practice for when you find someone you're really into."
At this point, Euijoo feels like his heart might beat straight out of his chest. Nothing about this situation feels casual to him, and yet here Nicholas is before him, acting as if it's completely normal.
"I don't know, Nico…"
Nicholas looks at him with sparkly eyes and a criminally cute pout. "I'm a good kisser, I promise," he says.
Euijoo almost wants to laugh. He doesn't doubt that Nicholas is a skilled kisser; that is so not the issue here. The issue is that Euijoo has spent the last few months battling an annoyingly persistent crush on his best friend. The same best friend who currently happens to be inching closer every few seconds with a feigned air of nonchalance, as if that would stop Euijoo from noticing.
But Euijoo notices everything about Nicholas. It's part of what got him in this predicament in the first place—once he started noticing, he really couldn't stop.
"Won't it be…I dunno, weird?" Euijoo asks. The hesitation is clear in the slight tremble of his voice.
"Only if you make it weird," Nicholas shrugs. "I think it'll be fine, though. I trust you."
Euijoo takes a deep, steadying breath. Nicholas may trust him, but Euijoo doesn't trust himself. There's no telling how disastrous this could end up being in the long run. He's been doing his best to push his little crush aside for the sake of their friendship, but Nicholas is making it rather difficult.
It doesn't help that he's the first guy Euijoo has ever had feelings for. Nicholas actually played a big part in Euijoo figuring out he liked men in the first place—not that he knows that. Euijoo never told him. And he doesn't plan on ever doing so, if he can help it.
Still…he's the one who came to Nicholas in the first place. This might be his only chance to practice these things with someone he trusts, and Euijoo doesn't love the idea of his first real make out session happening with a random person at the club. If he's being honest with himself, this is kind of the perfect scenario. All he has to do is not make it weird.
Easy, right?
"Okay," Euijoo inevitably caves. He clears his throat, nervous. "But you have to actually teach me. This isn't just a demonstration. I want real pointers." He figures if he's going to willingly ruin his life like this, he may as well get something tangible out of it.
Nicholas's face brightens with surprise. He was clearly expecting Euijoo to put up more of a fight, and maybe on another day, he would have. But not today. Today, Nicholas is scooting closer and flashing him one of his sweetest, brightest smiles—and for once, Euijoo doesn't feel like resisting his pull.
"Okay, well, first of all: hand placement is very important," Nicholas starts, voice slow and careful. It takes Euijoo's brain a moment to catch on to the fact that they're doing this now, but once it does, he gives Nicholas a consenting nod. Nicholas lets out a relieved sigh before elaborating. "I like to go for one hand cupping the face to start things off, so I can control the angle a bit. But I guess it depends on who you're with."
Their knees knock together where they now sit facing each other on the couch. Nicholas places a tentative hand at Euijoo's jaw, thumb brushing feather-light across his cheek.
Euijoo gulps. "Okay."
"Girls usually like it when you hold their waists," Nicholas continues. "For guys…well, again, it really depends, but I've found that a subtle thigh grab can get you a long way."
Nicholas demonstrates each touch as he speaks, free hand flitting from Euijoo's waist to rest atop his thigh. Euijoo's breath catches in his throat. Nicholas's hands are so big—his palm practically covers his entire upper leg. Nicholas gives Euijoo's thigh a gentle squeeze before he leans in, and then he's brushing their lips together in a soft kiss.
Euijoo closes his eyes. Nicholas does as he'd instructed and uses the hand at Euijoo's jaw to tilt his chin where he wants it. Euijoo is happy to let Nicholas take the lead; he presses into the kiss and matches his movements to Nicholas's as best as he can. This, he at least knows how to do—sort of. He'd never really gotten much further than this with girls in the past.
Nicholas places a few more slow, sweet kisses to Euijoo's lips before pulling back just far enough to speak. "Juju," he mumbles. "Hands. That means you, too."
"Oh, r-right," Euijoo splutters, unclenching the fists still sitting in his lap. He flounders for a moment as he tries to figure out where to place them—should he copy Nico exactly? Should he try something different? Ultimately, Euijoo decides to sling one arm over Nicholas's shoulder and places the other hand gently on his knee. "How's this?"
Nicholas smiles. "Good," he says, leaning in again. Euijoo feels a bit awkward as they continue to exchange slow, closed-mouth kisses, but it's…nice. "Make sure you aren't frozen stiff the whole time," Nicholas chuckles against Euijoo's lips. "You want your hands and your body to move, too; not just your mouth."
"Alright…"
This time, when Nicholas leans back in for more, he splays his fingers wider across Euijoo's thigh. His palm creeps higher as his thumb runs along the inside of Euijoo's leg, tracing the inseam of his jeans. Nicholas was not wrong—the thigh grab is really doing a lot for him. Euijoo can't help but shiver as Nico's fingers flit higher and higher, dangerously close to his crotch.
Nicholas's other hand is still firmly gripping his jaw as he gently guides Euijoo to the right angle. Their noses bump awkwardly a few times, but Euijoo eventually gets the hang of it, and soon enough they've established an easy rhythm.
Now that he's more comfortable with the actual kissing, Euijoo decides to be a little brave. He runs his fingers through the hair at the nape of Nicholas's neck and scratches lightly. His other hand travels to squeeze Nicholas's hip, then slips under the hem of his shirt to rest at his waist. He feels Nicholas smile against his lips.
"Yeah, just like that," Nicholas mumbles into the kiss. Euijoo knows it's meant to be encouraging and not necessarily erotic, but it sends a jolt of arousal straight through him, anyway. He tugs a little at Nicholas's hair and presses closer.
Euijoo is just starting to get lost in the feeling when Nicholas pulls back to catch his breath.
"Great," he says. "You're doing great, Juju. Ready to kick it up a notch?"
Euijoo knows his face must be bright red by now. If he's already this worked up, surely 'kicking it up a notch' will only cause him to spiral further. But he simply can't resist. He nods, and absentmindedly runs his tongue along his bottom lip in anticipation. He doesn't miss the way Nicholas's gaze follows the movement.
"Just follow my lead. You'll get the hang of it," Nicholas says.
The hand on Euijoo's thigh slides up and over the curve of his hip to the small of his back, where Euijoo's shirt is riding up slightly. Nicholas takes the opportunity to slip his hand underneath the fabric. When he moves to pull Euijoo closer, Euijoo instinctively climbs into his lap to straddle him. He shimmies forward and loops his arms around Nicholas's neck.
Nicholas makes a little noise of approval before surging forward to kiss him deeper. He licks at the seam of Euijoo's lips, and Euijoo parts them with a small gasp, allowing Nico's tongue to slip inside. Nicholas licks eagerly into Euijoo's mouth and Euijoo does his best to keep up, but he really has no idea what he's doing here. He attempts to follow Nicholas's lead while simultaneously trying not to explode into a billion pieces.
Hands, he reminds himself. Euijoo slides his fingers down the side of Nicholas's neck and over his collarbone, until his palm rests gently on one of Nico's pecs. He gives the muscle there a shy but appreciative squeeze, eliciting a low moan from Nicholas's throat. The unexpected sound has Euijoo's whole body buzzing with restless, needy energy. Nicholas has a sexy voice; of course Euijoo has noticed this before. He just never thought he'd get the chance to hear it used in this way.
Things heat up further when Nicholas tugs Euijoo even closer, silently urging him to grind down into his lap. Euijoo starts moving without thinking. He doesn't even realize what he's doing until he registers Nico's hands running up and down his thighs, matching the rhythm of his hips. Euijoo's body jolts at a particularly pleasurable movement and they pause to pull back and stare at each other, both dazed and breathless.
Euijoo is already rock hard in his jeans. A flash of panic washes over him for a moment—last time he popped a boner while kissing someone, she got up and ran away. But then he feels Nicholas's own erection pressing up against him, and his mind turns to static. He takes a deep, shaky breath.
"You're not gonna freak out on me, are you?" Euijoo asks.
Nicholas stares back at him with heavy lidded eyes. He looks gorgeous underneath him like this, lips swollen and glossy with spit.
"No," Nicholas says, voice low and a little hoarse. He squeezes Euijoo's hips, fingers dipping under his waistband. "Are you gonna freak out on me?"
"No," Euijoo breathes.
"Okay." Nicholas licks his lips. "Good. Great."
Nicholas's cheeks are flushed a deep red and there's a hesitance to his voice that suggests nervousness, even though this was his idea in the first place. It's kind of adorable. The fact that he seems to be a little flustered boosts Euijoo's confidence; he leans down to kiss Nicholas again, harder this time. Euijoo starts to rock his hips with more purpose, chasing that same electrifying pleasure he'd experienced just moments ago.
They continue making out in this manner until Nico reaches a breaking point. Eventually, he pushes Euijoo flat against the couch and hovers over him, slotting their legs together. For a brief moment Nicholas stares down at him as if he wants to say something, but he doesn't. Instead, he leans in for another wet kiss. Euijoo is more than happy to reciprocate.
Nicholas kisses him hungrily—on the lips, down the side of his jaw, below his ear. Euijoo bares his neck and allows Nicholas to suck a trail of kisses across his jugular. His heart is racing in triple-time; he wonders if Nicholas can feel the beat of his pulse thrumming against his lips. Euijoo tries to steady his breathing, but it's difficult when Nicholas is pressed so close. So close, and yet it's not close enough. Euijoo tugs on Nicholas's hips until their lower bodies are flush together, creating a delicious friction that has them moaning in tandem. Nico grinds down against him and Euijoo grabs at his ass, both to steady himself and to urge Nicholas's hips forward.
"Shit, Euijoo," Nicholas pants into Euijoo's skin. "Are you sure you've never done this before?"
Euijoo lets out a bewildered laugh. "Very sure," he says. "Does that mean I'm doing good?"
"Yeah," Nicholas breathes. "Yeah, you're doing really good. If we don't stop soon I might actually cum in my pants," he laughs, sheepish.
Euijoo full-body shudders at the thought. Suddenly he's never needed to see anything more.
"That would be…okay…with me," Euijoo trails off, breathing heavily. Despite his earlier words, Nicholas hasn't stopped rolling their hips together. Which is good, because Euijoo doesn't want him to stop. He presses his pelvis up against Nico's in silent encouragement, hoping he gets the message.
"Juju," Nicholas warns, his voice dangerously low. His breath is hot and heavy where it fans against Euijoo's neck. Nico pulls back to look him in the eye. "Are you sure? We don't have to do this. We can stop any time. I think you're plenty prepared."
Euijoo's heart clenches in his chest. Nicholas has always been so thoughtful, so sweet, so considerate. If you ask Euijoo, it's one of the hottest things about him.
Needless to say, it only makes him want this more.
"How am I supposed to know what to do next if I don't practice?" he asks.
(Yeah, practice. That's it. That's definitely the only reason Euijoo wants to keep going.)
Nicholas blinks down at him, stunned. "You– you want me to teach you?" He gulps, throat visibly bobbing. Euijoo reaches out to press a curious thumb into the protrusion of his Adam's apple and nods, shy but sure.
"Show me. Please?"
Nicholas's breath hitches. Euijoo feels it catch under the pad of his finger. "Fuck, okay. Yeah. Sure."
He leans back in and resumes kissing Euijoo all over. Eager lips travel along the length of Euijoo's neck and down to his collarbone, where Nico pauses briefly to catch his breath.
"At this point I'd probably take their shirt off," he says, pulling back to give Euijoo a questioning look. His fingers flit at Euijoo's midriff, waiting for permission. Euijoo blinks up at him and nods.
Nicholas's large hands push up and under the hem of Euijoo's t-shirt, peeling it off of him. Euijoo lifts his arms to assist and lets out a startled squeak when he feels Nicholas's lips on his chest. As soon as the t-shirt is out of the way, Nico leans down to mouth at the newly exposed skin of Euijoo's torso. Euijoo runs his fingers through Nicholas's hair with a soft groan.
"Th-then what," he stutters. With Nicholas's attention shifted to his chest, there's less action happening below the belt. Which is fine, it's just—Euijoo is so fucking hard. His hips twitch with each swipe of Nicholas's tongue across his skin, seeking relief.
"Then the pants," Nicholas says. He sits up to quickly tug his own shirt over his head, tossing it to the side before moving to thumb at the top button of Euijoo's jeans. He gives Euijoo a shy, questioning look. "Are you totally, completely sure you want to do this?"
Euijoo frowns. "Do you not want to?"
"No, no– I want to," Nicholas flounders. "God, I want to. I'm just making sure you fully understand what's happening here. It's not really something we can go back from."
Once again, Euijoo's heart clenches in his chest. Nicholas is so fucking cute. He rolls his eyes, fond. "Nichol, I'm not five. I get it. I want you to touch me," he says, blushing. "If that's okay with you, I mean."
Nicholas gives a dumbfounded nod. Euijoo smiles and leans up to press a sweet kiss to his lips. Nico trails after him a little when he pulls away, and Euijoo giggles. Nicholas huffs out his own small laugh before moving to shakily unzip Euijoo's pants.
Euijoo lifts his hips to aid in slipping his jeans down just enough to give Nicholas access. Nico regards the bulge in his boxers like a man starved, staring for a solid five seconds before starting to palm him through his underwear. Euijoo hisses sharply at the sensation, jolting slightly at the sudden pressure. Nicholas uses his free hand to hold Euijoo steady by the hip, and continues to rub him through the fabric until Euijoo is squirming beneath him.
"Nico," Euijoo pants. "Nicholas, please."
Finally, Nicholas pushes Euijoo's underwear down and takes his already leaking cock in his hand. He stares in awe, seemingly fascinated as he starts to stroke, slow and reverent.
"Damn, Juju." Nicholas lets out a breathless laugh. "Who knew you were packing like this?"
Euijoo feels his entire body burn with embarrassment. "Shut up," he whines. "Is teasing part of the lesson, too?"
Right, the lesson. Euijoo had pretty much forgotten about it until now. He wonders if Nico had, too.
"It can be," Nicholas answers. "Why, you like it?" He punctuates the question by pressing his thumb against the slit of Euijoo's cock, spreading the wetness that has gathered there around the head and down the shaft. Euijoo lets out an involuntary whimper.
"Obviously," he scoffs, eyes flickering down to the clear evidence. Nicholas laughs.
"Noted."
Euijoo pulls Nicholas back in for more sloppy kisses while he jacks him off. Nicholas's own erection presses into Euijoo's leg, solid and insistent. Euijoo pushes back against it and Nicholas moans into his mouth. He takes the opportunity to grope at Nico's ass again, once more urging him to grind down harder. Nicholas curses under his breath.
When Nico gets up to shimmy out of his pants, Euijoo has to take a moment to recenter himself. All of this has been so surreal, but seeing Nicholas naked is the most surreal of all. Euijoo's never seen another man's dick in this context—not outside of porn, anyway. He's never been faced with someone else's arousal; never had someone unapologetically hard and flushed red with want, all for him. And this isn't just someone—this is Nicholas. Thinking about it makes Euijoo feel dizzy.
Before he can spiral too hard, Euijoo is brought back to reality by the feeling of Nicholas settling in his lap. He straddles Euijoo's hips so that their cocks are aligned, then takes both of them into his hand at once.
Euijoo gasps. It's incredibly sexy that Nicholas can encircle them both at the same time, his hands so large that he engulfs the two of them almost entirely. Nico's cock is shorter than Euijoo's but thicker, and his skin is rough and hot where it slides against his. Euijoo has never felt anything better.
Nicholas rolls his hips forward as he strokes them in tandem. Euijoo stares up at him in awe, hands tightly gripping his thighs. Nicholas stares back. Neither of them speak aside from the occasional small grunt or moan. Nicholas's free hand splays across Euijoo's abdomen, acting as an anchor. His fingers dig into the smooth planes of his stomach, and Euijoo wonders if Nico can feel the muscles there contracting; if he can sense the way his whole gut tightens as the pleasure builds and builds.
All pretense of a lesson has gone. All that remains is Euijoo and Nicholas, both shaking and breathing heavily as they approach climax.
Eventually, Nico's movements begin to stutter.
"Juju," he pants. "I'm close."
"Me too," Euijoo sighs. He moves to wrap his own slim fingers around them to help finish the job. He ends up holding onto Nico's hand more than anything else, but it doesn't matter. Soon enough Nicholas is crying out, spilling over their hands and onto Euijoo's stomach.
The sound and sight of him reaching his peak is enough to have Euijoo following right after him. He lets go with a breathy whine that may or may not sound suspiciously like Nicholas's name.
Nicholas is leaning in again before Euijoo can even fully come down from his high. The kiss he gives is lazy, languid—something so soft that it makes Euijoo want to cry. He manages to reign it in by focusing on slowing his heart rate and returning his nervous system to stasis. This is no time for an emotional crisis. That will have to come later.
Euijoo doesn't know how long they lie there, holding each other and catching their breath. It could be thirty seconds, or it could be three hours—he really has no clue. But that's nothing new. Time always seems to flow differently when he's with Nicholas.
They don't talk until after they're all cleaned and covered up. Nicholas is uncharacteristically shy the whole time, which is devastatingly cute but also highly inconvenient. It helps to alleviate some of Euijoo's dread about the whole situation, but it also makes it more difficult for him to figure out what to do next. He was sort of hoping Nicholas would just crack a joke and return to normal afterwards. Instead, he's avoiding eye contact and sneaking glances at Euijoo when he thinks he's not looking.
So much for not making it weird.
Euijoo clears his throat. He doesn't know how to broach the subject, but he doesn't want to just…ignore it. That would be a surefire way to ruin their friendship, and that's the last thing Euijoo wants.
He eventually decides to call Nicholas out.
"Stop acting all coy. You're the one making it weird, now," Euijoo says, rolling his eyes. Maybe if he can act cool and nonchalant about this whole thing, then they can avoid having a real conversation about it.
Nicholas exhales and turns to give Euijoo a nervous, sweet smile.
"Sorry," he says. "I just…wasn't expecting to like that so much, I guess."
Euijoo feels his whole face heat up again at the comment. "What, you thought I'd be bad?" he squeaks. "Rude."
"No, no!" Nicholas lets out an awkward laugh. "I don't know what I thought. Not much of anything, really. I wasn't expecting any of this to happen in the first place."
"Okay, fair…" Euijoo trails off. He bites at his bottom lip nervously. "Me either. But you– you liked it?"
"Yeah," Nico breathes. "Did you like it?"
"Yeah. I liked it a lot."
"Cool. Great. I hope it was, uh, informative."
"It was," Euijoo says, giggling a little. And then, because he can't help himself: "Can you teach me how to give a blowjob next?"