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You weren’t gay. At least not openly…you was straight to the outside world apart from her two closest sisters. Bisexuality sucks. You’d think it’s great but, when you’re with a man and you ache for the feeling you’ve never been able to follow on…it truly sucks.
Enough mornings, during blue hour when you’re alone, you ponder the ache in your heart. The desire for female friendship and companionship. And it will tear and gnaw away at your heart, clawing like a cat after a mouse. Until one day you can’t take faking it anymore.
You start driving after another argument with your boyfriend. You caught him yet again seeking out other women; whether it was porn in excess or dating apps and fuck else knows. You were so hurt…so tired. You needed to get away and clear your mind.
Stopping a few hours away, a beach town motel your stop. You turned off your phone after getting into your $50 a night room. Sliding doors opened to a sandy beach view and tons of happy couples. “Fuck them.” you mutter to yourself, sliding the blinds shut.
For the first hour you just lay on the bed, decompressing and just dissociating. The next hour finds you in the floor of the shower, water turned as hot as you can stand it. You sit there, the hot water cascading over your body. The only sound that of the water and your breathing.
“What do I do?” you think. You had seen a little bar near the motel. I’ll just take myself to dinner and maybe a drink…pondering whether it would relax you. Distract you. Getting out of the shower, drying off, you throw on some jeans and a tank top. Stepping into your shoes you think to yourself, “Nothing bad can happen here at least.”
After ordering some chicken tenders and fries, you sip on your one beer for the evening. You weren’t a big drinker, nothing good ever came from drinking more. You aimlessly watch some meaningless sports game they play on the large television above the bar.
“Hey!” Catches you off guard. Turning to follow the sound, you see a girl around your age standing next to you. “Hi,” you offer, a little confused. “You mind if I sit with you? I noticed you’re all alone and so am I.” the girl says. “Sure.” you say, not minding one bit. Another distraction you think to yourself, nothing is happening anyways. The girl sits across from you, cradling a beer as well.
“My name is Anna,” she says offering her hand to shake. “I’m in town with my family for a vacation, they’re all at the local concert tonight but I didn’t want to go.” You shake her hand and say, “I’m just visiting as well. Just a little break away from home.” She smiles gently at you, “Thanks for letting me keep you company.”
Smiling back, you keep sipping your beer. Sneaking a look at her while she watches the tv, you knew you were fucked. Yet another one sided crush that will never go anywhere. She was gorgeous. Light skin with a little tan. Long, shiny hair. And entrancing eyes, the kind that just had that natural spark in them.
Both your meals came and you conversed while you ate. She was charismatic, a talented young woman who was in her senior year of college studying psychology. Her family was loving, open, and adored her and her siblings. You were a college dropout, had a toxic home life and barely worked due to chronic illness issues you couldn’t seem to get relief from.
After finishing the meal Anna asked if you wanted to get some air. “Sure, I’ve got nothing but time.” you answer. You begin walking down the beach, just the rolling of waves broke the silence at the start. The moonlight and stars illuminated your vision but thankfully wasn’t too bright.
Continuing to talk, you both poured out your thoughts. What your life was like at home, what your hobbies…you know the normal things people that just met talk about. Everything was nice and calm until you fucked up and told her “I think you’re really pretty.” Fuck you think to yourself, why’d I do that. She’s probably straight like most girls and is going to be weirded out.
The pale moonlight frames her face, she blushes gently. “Are you hitting on me?” Anna asks. “No, of course not I wouldn’t do that.” you sputter out, flustered and embarrassed. Anna reaches out and grabs your hand and says, “I wouldn’t have minded if you were.” Her beautiful doe eyes look into yours.
“That’s why I approached you actually. I thought you looked so pretty, but yet melancholy.” she says. “I’m gay and I hope I wasn’t wrong but I think you are too.” You sigh a huge breath of relief. “I’m bi…I’ve actually never really told anyone that before.” you choke out, suddenly overwhelmed with happy tears. They slide down your face, their warm heat not taking away from the moment.
She reaches up and swipes away at the tears with her free hand. You look at her and she looks at you. So much longing betwixt your eyes. “May I kiss you?” you whisper. “Yes.” Anna says and then you’re on her. Hands, now wrapped around waists and you holding her face. You start slowly, testing the connection. Peppering soft kisses on her lips and she kisses back just as eagerly.
Like a dam that had been sprung open, all these years of hiding your true self, reflected in these kisses. She flicks her tongue inside your mouth and you respond in turn, both of you lapping like thirsty animals, like your mouths were dripping golden ichor.
Pulling away breathless, Anna asks “Do you want to go inside?” You nod profusely. Holding her hand as you walk through the sand, a newfound sense of wonder coursing through your veins. You both agreed to go to your motel room, as to not be disturbed by her family or anyone for that matter.
You both laid in the bed together, the soft glow of the tiny lamp on the night stand washing you both in yellow light. Kissing happened naturally, like a moth to a flame. But with her, it felt different, like the feeling of cool water on a hot day. Exhilarating. Tender. Sweet like a summer rain in hot pavement.
She asked if you were interested in continuing to explore each other and you said yes. Her hands lifting your shirt off your body, your fingers sliding her skirt down, along with her underwear. This continued slowly until you both lay naked. You were trembling with anticipation. Things just felt so genuine and peaceful.
Kissing each other slowly you, felt her soft breasts, running your hand over her hardening nipples. Her heavy, scattered breathes mingled with yours. She gently reached down and began exploring you. Her hand running over the small bit of hair near your middle. Gentle fingers cupped and stroked your folds, slowly running one finger around the rim of your vaginal entrance. “Are you sure you want to do this?” Anna asks, her little whisper across from you on the pillow. You nod, growing in this newfound confidence, and reach between her legs as well.
She shutters and moans gently as you touch her like you would touch yourself. Delicately you insert a finger into her already wet entrance. She moans gently and follows suit, penetrating you with her pointer finger and then, after feeling your wetness, inserts her middle finger as well. You both thrust your fingers in and out repeatedly, hers experienced and intentional, yours clumsy but eager to please.
You run your thumb over her clit while breaking the kisses to lick her neck and bite the tender skin of her shoulder and collar bone. She returns the favor by doing the same to you, your skin bursting with electricity where her sharp pointed teeth make contact. Both of you licking, biting and kissing, while rocking your hips against each other’s hands.
You cum first, the pressure building until your vagina contracts with so much intensity you can’t even breathe, huge moans tearing out of you without warning. She follows soon after, her hips bucking and body trembling as you rub her clit with wet fingers. She rides out the wave of pleasure you gave to her. A small smile of satisfaction that you had actually done that to her spreads over your face. You didn’t have a thought in your mind at all. It was so heart breakingly nice you could almost weep from joy. Your mind was finally silent.
You lay together in the bed, tangled in sheets and haphazardly laid blankets. She sweetly kisses your forehead saying, “I’m not going anywhere, I’ll be right back!” She throws on a robe and leaves you in bed and cracks the door behind her. Returning in a fluster, she shuts the door behind her and waves a little bottle of champagne accompanied by a cheeky smile.
You sit up half naked with sheets wrapped around you, she dons her hotel robe and you just sit next to each other. Sharing the bottle of champagne, not bothering with cups, both of you drinking right from the bottle. Carefree. The bubbly liquid sweetened the moment even more. You talked and laughed until the hours after midnight.
Spooning in a gentle embrace (you actually got to be big spoon), cradling her warm body. You both fell asleep in a tipsy and happy slumber. You think to yourself before your lids finally closed, “I’ve done it, I was gay for the night. I felt like I could be my true self.” And off you went to sleep; warm, safe, and riding the high of champagne kisses.
Tomorrow seemed scary and uncertain, but you knew with a new day came the hope to start again, to decide your own story. Being true to yourself was all that really mattered. And Anna had shown you that.