Chapter Text
Mohan has been to the roof only once after the end of a shift.
Olivia Perez , 28 , car accident in a Walmart parking lot while trying to put her baby in her car.
She remained conscious and stable for an impressive amount of time. She told Mohan all about being a newly single mom and asking if her baby was all right (the baby was fine, children often bounce back with ease, litterally).
She only has vague memories of what happened next.
CT was normal.
They couldn't have known.
And yet that's not what her brain told her.
She broke down on the roof, facing the sunset, her back against the concrete of the elevator's cage. She knew it was her fault. She could have figured it out early enough but she had been too fast. Hadn't double checked. It was her fault, she knew it.
'Never again', he told herself, once the sun disappeared behind the horizon.
Never again.
And she came back down and never set foot on that roof again.
She listens to the low rumble of the elevator, waiting for her stomach to tingle once she reaches the top. The door opens, she blinks away the neon light to adapt to the dim sky slowly filling with cold colors before the sun crosses the horizon.
It's her second night shift this week, she picked up a few more these past months. As many as she could without rising suspicion or deregulating her metabolic clock too much. She tells herself it's mostly to find out if she can prove to be just as capable on a night shift, and to find out what she's been missing.
She keeps telling herself that spending more time with Dr. Abbot is just a consequence of that.
Although she can't deny that her recent schedule does have something to do with that night after PittFest. The night Samira finally realised all the attention she was getting from him , the night when she found out how much she liked that attention. She saw him shy, she saw him blush. She teased him, wondering what other side of him she could bring out, finding out that little game went both ways.
So Jack Abbot likes her, she knows that now. She also knows he will never do anything about it, she can see it clear as day. However long his one sided pining has been going on, she knows he won't make a move on her, especially while she is still a resident.
Meanwhile she's been clueless!
Blinded by work, her paper and yeah sure she noticed how grounded she feels in his presence, like he pulls the world around them into focus with his determined walk and his eyes sharp.
He was this cynical, guarded vet who still wore the wedding band of the wife he lost. He was this calm, intimidating presence, with his thick arms that -Mohan guesses- matched the rest of his body. Only she doesn't know because she's never seen the rest of him, she can just wonder at the way his scrubs fall on him, pulled taught as he twists his hips and torso, probably just as freckled as his neck. That, she has seen.
Anyway.
Samira has a little crush on the night shift attending but she told herself he was obviously unatainable and furthermore it was less of a crush and more of pure common sense when faced with calm, sensitive, strong, charismatic Jack Abbot. He's just that good, anybody with eyes probably sees that too.
But then he started sending her medical studies. He said he heard her mention a certain procedure she was curious about and he sent her the latest paper on the subject. Probably finding her number in the work group chat . At this point she got to know him better, she found out he was eager to share his knowledge with her. Not just as two people talking about a common interest, he seemed to like being of service to her. With a reassuring word after a shift, checking in when he clocked that Robby must have been harder on her that day.
Small things that showed how much he payed attention.
That night on that bench brought everything into perspective.
After seeing the shy, lovestruck Jack, she thought she should get out before they did something they couldn't take back. He had called out, offered her a ride home, with a shrug and a questioning little pout that made her pause because of how ridiculous this whole situation was. And more ridiculous was how hard she was fighting against it.
They had a pleasant ride back to her condo. Jack's truck was not the huge kind that was only good for hitting kids on the street or compensating for something else. It was a reasonable, unassuming size, more utilitarian than anything. The model looked at least ten years old but Samira couldn't quite tell because it looked as good as new.
Samira pointed out the amount of Bjork in his playlist, he replied that he listened to her since her punk days.
When she was finally in her bed, she felt completly empty but not in a bad way.
Her limbs felt so heavy she barely turned in her bed to find sleep
Tonight has been hard as well. Just a bad day, bad luck, just a plain shitty shift. Injuries too severe, ambulances arriving too late.
Abbot stands there both feet planted firmly on the ground, hands in his pockets.
He usually initiates a gentle banter between them. Not to the same degree as that night after PittFest, but close enough to be reminded of how easy things feel between them. When he doesn't go to her, she goes to him, for a case, a different point of view, on patients or on medical studies they sent each other. She felt him get more withdrawn with every passing hour, more quiet and closed off, his gaze avoiding hers.
And now he stands on the wrong side of the barrier.
She slows down once she notices. She feels her breath get stuck in her throat. He looks almost at ease, maybe a little too much, she thinks. It's most likely not his first time here. Her own emotions surprise her when she feels a rising agitation in her chest, something selfish and upset.
She lets her feet drag a bit as she walks up to him, being noisy enough to not startle him.
"You come up here to brood?" She says, leaning on the rail. Harsh , but there is something growing spikes of bitterness inside her. Something she isn't sure she can name yet.
"I'm not brooding" he shrugs.
"You're brooding. Like batman" she tries to catch his eyes.
"What? No. Why batman?" He looks confused and a little defensive. 'Distracted, good', she thinks. ' It's working'
"Oh I don't know, Mr. "I find comfort in the dark""
"Who told you that?" He snaps, a little offended, she catches his gaze then. She watches as his frown soften the longer he keeps his eyes in hers. 'Here you are', she thinks.
"You did" she smiles.
"Well anyway. It's a ritual" he shrugs again, like that explanation justifies anything.
" A stupid one"
" Okay. Fair" he chuckles, she joins in.
It dies down and they are left here, silent, watching the sun rise.
"If you want me to drive you home again, I know a place that's already open for pizza" he speaks quietly as to not disturb the moment.
"Really?" An octave to high.
He chuckles at her enthousiasm, wondering if she is really this happy for 7 am pizza or if she is happy he offered.
They both turn when they hear the elevator doors open.
"Hey Jack," Robby calls
He pauses when he sees Samira.
" everything okay?"
"Yeah I'll be right down"
He bows between the safety rails and leans towards her before letting go of it.
"I have to make my hand-off but you'll meet me downstairs?" He asks, barely above a whisper.
"Sure, I think I'll stay up here a bit longer"
He nods, starts walking away and looks back at her.
"You can back out"
"I don't want to. You?"
"No no"
"Good. Cause you don't back out on pizza"
He chuckles as he leaves.
------
"You want to tell me what this was?" Robby asks in the elevator.
"There is nothing to tell"
"Yeah right."
"Fuck off, man."
Robby clears his throat before Abbot notices his snickering.
_______________________
"You read my first draft?"
" Is that so surprising?"
"Prove it"
Jack Abbot starts to describe the content of her first draft on the difference in quality of care for societal minorities.
They are tucked in a nook of the tiny pizza place Jack drove them to. There is a table of college tudents coming down from what sounds like a fun night out, the exhaustion slowly catching up to them.
As Abbot finishes listing his thoughts on the paper she sent him just last night, she wonders how he made the time to actually read it between last night and now.
"Wow"
"I'm being honest here Samira. It didn't feel like a first draft"
"I mean you could just ask me out, don't now why you're going through all that trouble" she meant it as a joke. At least she hopes it can pass for one. She laughs beneath her breath to make that point across.
She's not blind, just cautious. If Abbot would need a sign she would light up the whole city.
The other end of the table goes silent. She looks up at him and he seems frozen. He stutters response like his brain has a hard time coming back online.
"Ah- uhm -That.
Has nothing to do with it."
He is suddenly fascinated by the empty cardboard plate he is rotating on the table.
"Your paper would be really compelling regardless."
"Okay okay fine. I believe you. "
She raises her hands in fake defeat.
That night on the bench it was obvious in his tone, in his eyes, in the way he smiled at her.
Jack Abbot likes her.
It hit her then. Like the result of a formula that explained everything that happened that day.
She knows how it looks from the outside, she is still an R3 .
But she is also 29 and very much capable of owning her mistakes.
She knows this isn't one.
"Sorry for misunderstanding the situation"
"No! I mean-"
"Hmm?" She hums innocently.
"I'm interested" he only now looks up from his plate, although his eye contact isn't as assured as it usually is.
"Go on." She is very much enjoying this.
"I know a place , it's mexican, a little fancy, would you like to accompany me, maybe friday night?" He fixes his posture and finally finds her eyes after asking the question.
"Oh so you know my schedule" she cocks her head to the side.
" I may memorize it every week. Only so that I don't text you when you're sleeping" he muses with a smirk.
"Aww. That's actually really sweet. But you can text me any time.
I may not always answer ."
Abbot raises an eyebrow and she continues. "Sometimes my cat is making biscuits on my lap and my phone is out of reach"
He laughs
"I'm a busy woman"
"I can see that, " his shoulders shake.
_______________________
Dr. Samira Mohan has all the confidence in the dress she is wearing.It is hugging her curves. A mid thigh length with a small slit on the side. A white, satin sheen, sleeveless with the neck strap tied above her clavicles. But the back covers only the half down, her shoulderblades flexing under the thin white straps laced all the way down where her thoracic and lumbar vertebrae meet.
Samira knows how good she looks in this dress. She knew the moment she put it on.
Her hair is up in a stylish and effortless updo, small gold earrings weighing down her ears. She added a few golden bangles for good measure and comfortable cream white shoes with a short heel.
She put on a tinted gloss.
She put on eyelener, for christ sake!
She looks stunning!
So what is she so nervous about?
Why does she feel like a complete fool????
This is such a bad idea.
She looked up the restaurant on Google Map. It seems to be all warm dim light and colorful plates.
It looks amazing.
And Dr. Jack Abbot, night shift attending,
has asked her on a date,
to the coziest most charming restaurant she has ever been to.
What is she thinking?
What does she think is going to happen?
Is she risking her career for a date with Jack Abbot?
And what if she makes a fool of herself?
Her phone buzzes on her poor excuse of a coffee table.
Jack Abbot, 19:17 pm :
I'm here. Don't worry if you're not ready, we have some time before our reservation .
For a second, she wants to tell him to cancel it all, that she changed her mind, that she won't be coming with him tonight.
But that would be even worse.
🌞, 19:19 pm:
i'll be down in a minute
She grabs her purse, puts on more of her patchouli - amber - vanilla perfume, puts on a short cream white coat.
She opens her door and turns to her cat.
"Call me in an hour if I need to get out of there".
"Mreow" its head perks up.
She closes the door, makes her way down the stairs.
He is leaning on his car, looking down at his phone. As she comes out on the street he looks up at her. He is wearing a dark green polo shirt with sleek, black trousers and his shoes are of a classy brown leather. Samira eyes lock on his arms, his biceps brachii muscles moving under his short sleeves.
This is such a bad idea.
"Hello hello!" She greets him. What's wrong with her!
"Hi! You look-" he shifts his weight, looking for words he will never find.
She gives him a twirl, trying to look more relaxed than she feels. "You like it?" She tries to fill the silence.
He stays frozen there. And pffffffs all the air out of his lungs. "That's a nice dress."
She could jump with glee, instead her heels raise involuntarily upward in a little half jump. "Thanks, you look nice too!"
He looks down at his outfit in defeat. "I tried."
Sure. He tried. And she feels like she has to restrain herself to not jump on him this instant.
"Obviously you can back out at any time but are you ready to go?" He gestures to his truck.
"Not backing out" she says with defiance, "let's go" she opens the passenger door.
Abbot looks up at the sky, praying for strength and hops in the driver seat.
-----
When they arrive at the restaurant he holds the door for her as she steps into a dimly lit room with a low spanish voice singing softly in the speakers. She looks around at the candles and colorful plates, the enticing cocktails rimmed with green sugar.
Behind her a waiter asks
"Welcome, come on in, did you have a reservation?"
She hears Jack answer, she is still staring at the lights , trying to keep calm because this is way too nice a place and she is feeling panic rise up again.
"Samira? Are you comming ?" He puts a hand on her back.
She feels herself blush violently. She feels the heat in her ears. "Uhm- yes!"
They follow the waiter to the back of the restaurant, the room is lined on all sides with benches made of some kind of cob or clay, molded into the walls, painted off white, with colorful pillows on top.
The waiter leads them to one of the tables at the center of the room.
"Is here okay?" he asks.
She sees Jack pause in front of her and slow his walk.
"Actually, can we sit here?" She asks, pointing at a table against the wall.
"Yes of course, I will bring you the menu."
She walks to the chair facing the bench and looks back at Jack. He is staring at her in that intense way he does often. He sits on the bench, his back to the wall.
"It's a beautiful place" she says, again filling a silence she feels thick like a stormy summer.
"Really, you like it?"
She smiles and nods, taking off her coat.
"I'm curious to see their bathroom, be right back" she puts her coat on the back of her chair.
She wants to skip her feet, she is genuinely excited to see a restaurant's well decorated bathroom, they can sometimes be truly phenomenal. But she also knows it is the first time Jack would see the back of her dress.
As if on cue, she hears him choke and clear his throat.
She smiles to herself and opens the bathroom door. There are pearls of glass in the wall, like a pattern of clear, red, fuchsia and aquamarine. There is mosaic on the mirror too.
She sees her face, still blushing pretty hard. Her eyes automatically look for imperfections in the symetry of her eyeliner.
She breathes out, washing her hands.
"I'm not backing out" she mumbles to herself.
She pauses with the door handle in her hand. And comes back out.
----
'Pull yourself together' he scolds himself.
'She will come back out of that bathroom and you will have to share a conversation, entertain her, you can't do that if you keep staring at her like this'
She is so hot he feels sunburnt.
He thinks of how fitting it is that her number on his contact list is written under the sun emoji. When he first put her number in, after gathering all his courage to send her that first text, he put it under "Brilliant Resident". As they started to send each other more medical studies and talking about them, he realised she is more than a brilliant resident . So he changed her name to just "Brilliant" for her mind, her kindness, the way the sun left with her when he clocked in and how it came back with her when he clocked out.
After PittFest he changed it again
To the sun emoji 🌞
"Oh nice!" Samira reappears grabbing her menu and sitting down.
"So how was it?"
"It's a solid 7.5 out of 10"
He chuckles, wondering how many restaurant bathrooms she has rated in the past.
"Do you recommend anything?" She is studdying the drink menu.
"Well, when I came here last time for Ellis's birthday, the cocktails had good reviews."
"Hmmmm" she focuses intensely on the laminated sheet, nibling at her lips. "I'll take the margarita then." She puts down the menu and rests her chin on her hands.
"What will you drink?"
Jack catches himself staring again and looks at his menu. Too many recipes, they all look great but he is incapable of focusing on choosing one.
"A beer."
Her eyes get wider in surprise.
"Are you sure? They have some fancy stuff"
"Do you want me to also get a cocktail so you can taste both?"
"No- it's okay- it's a dumb idea"
"Which one do you want?"
She nibbles at a nail. "The one with Mezcal?"
The waiter comes back and takes their orders .
"So what's a 10/10 restaurant bathroom like?" He leans his elbows on the table once the waiter steps back.
"This one time, my mother took me to a lebanese restaurant for my birthday. The bathroom had beautiful iron lamps and when you closed the door, music would start playing, like a soft jazz. And there would be dancing lights on the walls"
He is watching the strands of curly hair on her cheeks follow her movements.
"Do you like decorating?"
"I do. But I'm not very good at it. I have a really nice chair at home that I bought a year ago but I also have some furniture that have just been cardboard boxes for three years."
"Something tells me you don't make a lot of time for things you like to do outside of work"
"That sounds about right"
"We could go shopping sometimes"
"Are you serious? You would like that?"
Her smile is dazzling.
"Sure! I'm curious to see what catches you eye"
She goes quiet in shock.
"The margarita was for?"
"Ah, for her" Jack turns to the waiter handing them their drinks
"The plates are on their way" the waiter smiles and leaves.
He starts to feel nervous. Is it too forward? They are sitting at the table on their first date and he is already planning the next one? What if she doesn't want to see him again after this? He doesn't want her to feel pressured. He looks up, she seems transfixed by the light hitting the sugar cristals on the rim of her drink.
"You can say no, maybe it's too soon."
She grabs his hand
"It's not. I'd like that."
She blushes as she looks at him, her eyes shining in the candle light.
He looks down at her hand on his. He turns is palm up. She puts her palm in his.
There is a burning sensation where her digits meet his wrist.
He feels the nape of his neck heat up.
She toasts her drink against his.
"Thank you for bringing me here."
She brings the glass to her lips.
"I'm glad you like it" he mirrors her.
"Wow. That's really good"
"Mine too" he hands her the glass. She smiles and does the same, their hands lifting each other's drinks on one side as they still hold each other on the other like a routine they never practiced.
"Mmmm yep that's so nice" she muses.
"Do you have a favorite?"
"Do you?"
"Please drink from any one you want"
He puts the glass down.
" Are you trying to get me drunk Dr.Abbot?" She teases.
"That's not my intension" he chuckles
"But if you want you can send your location or tell a friend, I don't mind, they don't have to know you're with me."
"I was kidding, but thank's anyway, for thinking of this."
"Naturally."
The rest of the evening goes smoothly, they chat about medical cases Jack has seen in the past, she asks detailed questions to visualize how he dealt with them. Their hands only separate when their plates arrive.
------
He pays for everything.
"We can split" she is already opening her purse, joining him at the register.
"Are you really embarrassed or can I treat you like you deserve?" He sounds dead serious and a little exasperated.
"Alright, geez , go for it." She raises her arms in defeat, chuckling and hiding her face.
"Thank you."
"You're welcome- i mean thank you... What?"
He laughs
--------
On the ride back to her home, they stay silent, Portishead playing in the background.
He hears her exhale a long sigh. He glances at her. She has her head in her hand against the window. She sinks into the passenger seat, her stomach a little rounder than on the way in. She looks completly relaxed and he feels so lucky to be seeing her like that.
He parks in front of her appartment
"Here you are."
She sits up and leans in his space, her eyes heavy on him.
"I had a great time"
"That's good." He nods.
A beat
She isn't getting out.
He is sure he unlocked the doors.
And it dawns on him:
She wants him to open the door for her.
"I'll open your door"
"That's not-" The driver door shuts on her.
He walks around the car and opens the passenger door. She stays sitting, with an annoyed look on her face.
"That's not what you meant?" He asks, genuinely confused.
"Arivili " she sighs as she stands on the side step of the door. She has a few inches over him, like this. He looks up into her eyes. Seeing her looking back, a pause as a question.
And she kisses him.
After a beat, Abbot puts his arms around her, mostly because he feels like he has been thrown in a lake and his feet don't touch the bottom.
She smells so good still, he can taste the guava and tequila on her lips.
He can feel she pressure, the reality of her against him. Samira Mohan is kissing him. She is kissing him like she means it. He is breathing air she breathed in her own lungs .
She has a hand running through his hair, her nails scraping his scalp, it sends jolts of electricity down his spine and a moan escapes him.
She backs away, looks down at him, trying to catch her breath.
She bites back a smile.
"See you tomorrow, Jack" she hasn't quite managed to catch her breath yet.
"Sleep well." He hears himself answer.
She looks at him one last time before closing the door behind her. As soon as she disappears, he leans against the passenger door and hides his smile to no one.
The truck still smells like her the entire drive home.