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Alastor likes to believe he was a sensible demon, even if that sensibility resulted in a rather ill advised deal with the Devil.
In his defense, he didn't have any other option when Charlie – dear, sweet Charlie who still thinks everyone can get along if given the right kind of push – put them on kitchen duty for the day. Claiming that working towards a shared goal was the perfect way to foster a friendship between him and her father.
Oh, how wrong she was.
After the kitchen burned down (twice), and the denizens of the Hazbin Hotel all starving, you'd think Charlie would realize how fruitless this all was. And yet she persisted. Giving the two of them the benefit of the doubt – bad idea – that they could still pull through by making dinner.
Alastor can admire her near masochistic levels of optimism, but he has to draw the line somewhere. Which is where deal making entered the equation.
If willful cooperation was out of the question, than magically enforced teamwork would have to suffice.
See? Sensible.
By all accounts, nothing should have gone wrong. They negotiated; settled on a reasonable set of terms and conditions; all they had to do was seal the deal with a handshake, and they could finally get back to work.
Looking back on it, Alastor should have realized he was walking into a trap. There was just no way Lucifer would have agreed to a deal so easily unless there was some catch, after all. A fact Alastor only realized when the seal out right failed.
Well, saying it 'failed' implied it ever had a chance to succeed. Which it apparently didn't.
He knew the Devil was leagues more powerful than him, but he had no idea the difference was so great that it would outright nullify the deal before it even had the chance to take hold. The seal itself practically shattered on sight with how disproportionate their contributing powers were. Lucifer's overtaking it completely, leaving Alastor's side of the deal too weak to hold its ground.
As a professional deal maker, Alastor was well acquainted with the ins and outs of the practice to know its limitations. The problems with power level discrepancies was something he technically knew about, back in his early days when he thought he'd have to concern himself with such limitations.
He spent months uncovering every bit of information about the practice he could get his hands on. If deal making was the great equalizer for sinnerkind, than it would pay to know as much as he could about it. Know every rule so he can exploit its loopholes.
Turned out he didn't need to worry about this particular restriction, though. As a sinner, and an Overlord, his powers were flexible enough to work just fine with about every demon class there was. He could even make a deal with the Queen of Hell without any issue.
Still, it was worth spending all that time expanding his knowledge of deal making. If not for that, Alastor would have thought a deal with the Devil was just impossible.
Lucifer certainly acted like it was. In fact, Alastor would bet money that the king thought he'd somehow won this battle of wits between them. It would explain why Lucifer agreed to a deal at all despite being against it from the start.
To bad for the king. Alastor was well aware of a workaround they could use to help facilitate a binding seal when conventional means were off the table.
It's just that, well… it wasn't exactly a method he cared to use if he had a choice.
They'd have to kiss.
“People still do that?” Lucifer asked.
“Unfortunately, yes.” And many take it further than just a kiss, but that wasn't worth mentioning. “Given how delicate of a practice deal making is, some simply require the use of bodily fluids to get the job done.”
Lucifer grimaced at the phrasing, and Alastor wasn't too far behind in that regard, though he hid his disgust much better than the king. If it were up to him, they wouldn't even be discussing this at all. Than again, he also wouldn't be wasting his time trying with of this if Lucifer could internalize the word 'teamwork' and stopped arguing with him at every turn.
They could have been done with their exercise with breakfast if Lucifer could learn to take an order for once. Charlie only told them they needed to make one meal for everyone. The fact they were still here well into the evening was a testament to the Sin of Pride living up to his title.
Lucifer continued to regard him with a dose of suspicion. “This isn't, like, some weird flirting thing, is it? Cause I gotta say, I'm not interested.”
He's not even going to dignify that with a response. “Sire, we've only got so much time left in the day to finish dinner before everyone goes to bed with empty stomachs,” Alastor tried to reason. “We've already agreed to make a deal, so we might as well seal it so we can finally get back to work.”
“Yeah, well, I wasn't exactly aware you knew what a kiss seal was.”
“Ah, so you were trying to get out of our deal after all!”
“Duh,” Lucifer said, like it was obvious. “It was the only thing I could think of to get you to shut up about it! We don't need to make a stupid deal just to make dinner!”
Alastor raised an unimpressed eyebrow, waiting to see if Lucifer was willing to die on that hill.
“…Ok, we shouldn't need to make a deal just to work together,” he corrected.
“Whether we should, or shouldn't, doesn't matter. What matters is that we need to if we're to make Charlie proud with our 'teamwork'.” Alastor couldn't help adding those air quotes. “So, do we have a deal?”
He gave Lucifer a moment to think it over. Whatever mental battle he was having over it was short lived. Even if the Devil tried to use some trickery to get out of their deal, he wasn't as unwilling to follow through with their agreement as Alastor feared he might be.
If Lucifer actually turned down the deal after they've already settled on the terms, Alastor was burning this kitchen down for the third time that day. Perhaps than Charlie would think twice before she ever partnered them up on kitchen duty again.
“Fine,” Lucifer relented, “but only if I'm the one who seals the deal.”
“… You want to kiss me?” That was not what he was expecting. Than again, he hadn't actually considered how this was going to play out. Since Alastor was the one who proposed the deal, it stood to reason he'd be the one to seal it. Not that he'd really want to in this context.
Lucifer rolled his eyes. “What I want is to keep you from claiming the rights of Deal Holder. Knowing you, you'd just use it to humiliate me.”
“Ah, but Sire, if that was a concern of yours, than you should have been more thoughtful with your terms.” After all, it's not his fault if His Majesty didn't think to put in clauses to protect himself during the negotiations.
“Don't care,” Lucifer said with the flippant attitude befitting the Sin of Pride. “Either I'm sealing this deal, or we're not sealing it at all.”
On principle alone, Alastor wanted to push back. Not just because this was his deal he proposed, but because he's never been one to let others get away with their arrogance. Lucifer had been nothing but a tyrant and a nuisance since their exercise began. What right does he have to make such demands of him now?
And to just hand over the rights of Deal Holder to him? How could Alastor be sure the king won't just terminate the deal once it's made just to be a pest?
Any way you slice it, letting Lucifer be in charge of their deal was a bad idea.
Than again, making a deal with the Devil wasn't exactly a good idea to begin with. And it was getting late in the day. Did he really want to waste what little time they had left arguing with the pint sized buffoon?
No, no he did not.
“Alright, Your Majesty. I'll cede ownership of our deal to you on the condition that you don’t simply terminate the deal once it's formed.”
“Ha! That's entirely up to you, Bambi. If you behave yourself, I won't have a reason to terminate it.”
Alastor ground his teeth with the effort it took not to give in to the taunt. “Than, by all means,” he gestured towards himself, “Kiss me.”
It took more effort to keep the strain out of his voice saying that, but it was worth it to see all of Lucifer's bravado drain away at the realization of what he just agreed to. Made even better when he tried to step forward, only to run into the itty-bitty issue of their height difference. Lucifer looked him up and down before he all but pouted at him – as if it was somehow Alastor's fault for how vertically challenged the king is.
Part of Alastor wanted to stand there to be as unhelpful as possible, waiting to see how Lucifer might solve this issue of his. The idea of the king having to summon a stepping stool to stand on was almost enough to have Alastor break out in a laughing fit.
Another part of him – the part that was much louder with its frayed patience – wanted to get this over sooner rather than later, so with a gracious smile he leaned down until they were face to face.
Only than did the reality of what they were doing actually hit him.
This whole time he was so focused on besting the Devil at his own game that he didn't exactly think of where it was leading to. In the moment, it just felt good to outwit the Original Deal Maker, but now he's left to wonder if he actually won at all.
A hand on his face snapped him out of his train of thought, pulling him back to the present to stare back into the king's focused gaze. Any trepidation Lucifer had from early seemed to be gone, which, weirdly enough, helped to calm Alastor's growing nerves about all of this.
He wasn't about to examine that too closely. Not when he was faced once more with the overwhelming presence of Lucifer's Grace.
It wrapped around them both, pressing out into the room, taking up as much space as it could like it did before. And just like before, Alastor took it as a challenge to push back against it with his own powers.
Unlike before, however, Lucifer's Grace actually made space for him. Pulling away to allow Alastor's aura to find its footing within the confines of their deal. Their demonic presence swirling around each other in a dance that was almost friendly. Like they were equals rather than a king and his subject.
That piqued Alastor's interest.
From the day he descended to Hell, all the way up to his rise as the most powerful Overlord of his time (of all time, if he's being honest with himself), Alastor has come to learn one unifying truth of demonic magic: it did not work well with others. Not in the sense of equality or fairness, at any rate.
Demonic magic, by its nature, is too egotistical to ever allow itself the indignity of cooperation with another. When preforming any kind of spell with another, one demon will always assert themself as the dominating force within it.
Alastor has had the (dis)pleasure of attempting different kinds of spells that required the inclusion of another, and it always backfired. Even among those he considered trusted allies at the time didn't change anything. They still struggled to get the spell to work despite the years of trust between them.
That's because outside of prideful egos getting in the way of progress, demonic magic itself was just too volatile – individualistic, some might say.
Alastor's powers were unique to him, and him alone, just like it is with every other sinner out there. The only moderate exception to this rule were the hellborns who passed on their magical abilities to their offspring. And even than, cooperative spellwork was a rarity.
Which makes this deal with the Devil all the more perplexing.
It wasn't just that Lucifer was making space for Alastor to stand on equal footing with him, it's that, beyond all reason, his Grace was actually harmonizing with a sinner's Vice.
Alastor would have thought that was impossible if he wasn't feeling it right than, but there was no other way to describe it. Vice was normally way too tempermental for this level of ressonance. Not just working together, but synchronizing with each other – amplifying each other. The whole room was vibrating along with the powers encasing it.
If it was already this intense, what's it going to feel like when they actually seal the deal?
This isn't even the standard type of seal Alastor is used to where the bind settles itself around you. Because they were using a part of their body to facilitate their deal, the seal would weave its way inside of them, tying its knot within the core of their bodies.
Was it even possible to handle all of this power within him?
Maybe he should have voiced that concern. It would have been the smarter thing to do than to lean in when Lucifer pulled him closer. Any capacity for rational thought evaporated the moment their lips met, and all of the floating energy surrounding them surged forward to bind with one another.
This wasn't exactly the first time Alastor has ever sealed a deal with a kiss, so he had some idea of what to expect. The sudden inflow of energy pouring into him was a distantly familiar memory, but where it differed this time is that it didn’t feel invasive.
It really cannot be said enough how ill fitted demonic magic was for cooperative efforts. The last time he did something like this, it felt invasive and malcious, as though the other demon was trying to take control of him from the inside out. And at the time, Alastor did not yet have the power need to assert himself within the trappings of the deal.
This time, however, there was none of that battle for control. Perhaps it was because Lucifer wasn't fighting for control. The harmonization of their powers could have very well been the differentiating factor that made this deal feel… safe.
Alastor couldn't say how long it took the seal to settle. This part of the process was normally quick, but as far as he could tell they had been there for quite some time.
Was it because of the magnitudes of power found within Lucifer Grace? Who could say.
What he could say was it ended far sooner than he thought appropriate. The binding seal was woven, the loose ends all tied up, and their respective powers pulled away from each other.
The sudden separation left Alastor feeling dizzy. So dizzy, in fact, Lucifer had to support his weight in his arms, keeping him trapped within the enclosure of the king's grasp. Something Alastor will be sure to be appropriately mortified by later; after he got his wits back about him.
For now, he was fine letting Lucifer keep him from collapsing.
It would have been almost peaceful if Lucifer hadn't choosen that moment to speak up.
“So, uhh, got any ideas on what to make for dinner?” Said with a nervous lilt; His Majesty blushing a faint gold at their close proximity.
It took Alastor longer than he would have liked to register the question, and even longer to remember what this had all been for.
As soon as he remembered, he wished he hadn't.
How the fuck am I supposed to focus after ẗ̴̯ȟ̸͖a̷̠͗t̵̓͜!̸̪̃?̵͔͘
He could barely feel his legs. How was he going to spend the next half hour (if he's lucky) toiling around in the kitchen without stumbling over himself like a new born fawn?
All this work to reclaim control of the kitchen – control he should have rightfully had from the start – and he can't even properly enjoy it. His whole plan revolved around keeping Lucifer as uninvolved in the cooking process as possible so he can work in peace.
Now it would seem he had no choice but to rely on Lucifer to do the bulk of the work.
Alastor was distantly aware of Lucifer tentatively trying to get his attention, but he ignored him. After the ordeal he just went through, he was most definitely entitled to a mini breakdown over the crumbling of his masterful scheme.
He should have known better. Anyone with half a braincell could have told him that making a deal with the Devil was a bad idea. And yet, here was Alastor making a fool of himself because he underestimated a being older than time itself.
Maybe he wasn't so sensible after all…