Chapter Text
As soon as they arrived in England, Jaeyi began quietly mapping out their new world. She gathered every detail to keep them safe in Oxford. From the locations of police stations, fire stations, hospitals, to the right embassies.
She made sure Seulgi would never feel too far from home, finding markets with Korean ingredients and quiet places to eat that suited her taste, even if it meant a long, solitary drive to the capital.
Beyond the logistics, Jaeyi began to weave them into the neighborhood. She used her charm to build a circle of friends, some real and some for show, just to ensure that in this new city, they would always have someone looking out for them.
Jaeyi constantly looked for new ways to cherish their romance. She sought out places where they could simply be. A hilltop for the sunset, a garden in bloom, a museum, or a park for a quiet picnic.
It was never about luxury or fame, it was about the space it gave them to talk and the intimacy of a shared walk. In these moments, the world faded away, leaving only the two of them and the comfort of their presence.
It matters more than ever now, with Seulgi’s life pulled in so many directions. Between the long hours of her residency and the weight of her DPhil program, she often forgets to care for herself. Having Jaeyi there is like finding an anchor in a storm, she is the one who keeps Seulgi grounded when the pressure threatens to carry her away.
In Seulgi’s world, there is a vast horizon filled with the noise of her career, her ambitions, and the people she meets. But Jaeyi’s world has shrunk until it is only the shape of one person. To her, everything that isn't Seulgi is still just a path leading back to her.
Sometimes, a shadow of unease crosses Seulgi’s heart. Born from the heavy realization that she is Jaeyi’s entire world. It's not that she feels trapped or suffocated, it’s the quiet ache of guilt, knowing she cannot always be the person Jaeyi needs her to be.
__
The morning arrived without its light. The sky was heavy with gray, and though the rain had stopped, a thin mist lingered, dancing in the cold wind. It was the kind of weather that begged you to stay under the covers, lost in the warmth of a beautiful face pressed against yours.
But the world had a claim on Seulgi, a demand that Jaeyi would never truly accept. In Jaeyi’s eyes, no one needed Seulgi as desperately as she did.
When the alarm finally cut through the silence, Jaeyi didn’t move to get up. Instead, she pulled the blanket higher, burying them both. She wanted to hide them there, shielding their small world from a life that insisted on pulling them apart.
“Jaeyi..” Seulgi murmured, her voice thick with sleep. “I need to—”
No..” Jaeyi whined, her voice muffled against Seulgi’s neck. “It's Sunday. The Earth is closed today. Let’s just hide in here,” she complained, clinging to Seulgi even tighter.
Every morning, unless it was one of Seulgi’s rare days of rest, Jaeyi would plead with the dawn, trying to steal Seulgi away from the hospital's demanding calls.
Seulgi never minded the protests. To her, Jaeyi’s morning whines were a melody sweeter than any birdsong, a tender proof that Jaeyi’s love wasn't just staying the same, but growing deeper with every sunrise.
Seulgi peeled the blanket away, letting the morning air touch their skin.
But Jaeyi wasn’t ready. With a stubborn tug, she pulled the covers back over them. "No," she complained, her voice soft and muffled.
"Baby," Seulgi whispered, uncovering them once more.
"No." Jaeyi snatched the edge of the blanket back, covering all of them. Again.
Seulgi didn't give up. She tugged it down again, her voice sweetening. "The love of my life?"
"Points for effort, but no," Jaeyi muttered, pulling the warmth back to their head.
Seulgi leaned in closer. "Yeobo," she said softly, pulling the blanket away one more time.
Jaeyi was stunned. She blinked, her heart skipping a beat at the word. Seulgi watched her with a playful glint in her eyes, sure she had finally won.
"Nope!" Jaeyi suddenly lunged. She didn't just pull the blanket back, she wrapped it around Seulgi’s back, trapping them both in a tight cocoon. Then, she threw herself onto Seulgi, showering her face with kisses.
"Jaeyi!" Seulgi gasped, her protest lost in a fit of giggles.
They became a tangle of limbs and laughter beneath the sheets. Seulgi fought to break free, but Jaeyi held on tight, determined to keep her right there in the safety of their bed.
__
The sky offered only a pale imitation of daylight, only a ceiling of leaden clouds and a rain so fine it felt like woodsmoke. It was a tedious kind of weather.
Jaeyi curled onto the couch, pressing her chest against the cushions as she peered over the backrest. With her cheek pillowed on her arm, she lost herself in the rhythmic dance of the rain, watching the droplets streak the glass that looked out over the quiet backyard.
Jaeyi realized her own sadness felt exactly like this. Not a crashing wave or a strike of lightning, but a soft, endless saturation of gray.
She was lonely.
A profound longing haunted her gaze, heavy and shadowed. Though the AirPods were tucked firmly in her ears, it wasn't a melody that filled the silence. Instead, she was enveloped in the echoes of Seulgi’s voice, played on a loop that she couldn't bring herself to break.
I’m right here. Not with the doctors, not with the patients, and not with the world. My soul is tucked right inside your pocket, remember? You don't have to chase me, Jaeyi-ah. I’m already caught.
So, stay at home and wait for me. I promise I’ll let you be as clingy as you want the moment I walk through the door. Deal?
I love you, my Jaeyi.
It had become a ritual. Almost every morning, before stepping out into the world, Seulgi would leave a voice memo on Jaeyi’s phone. A digital balm for the ache of her absence.
Jaeyi would listen until she knew every breath and pause by heart. It was the only version of Seulgi she really had. The real Seulgi didn't return until the early hours, a time when Jaeyi was already losing her battle with sleep.
Even then, the reunion was silent. Seeing the lines of weariness etched into Seulgi’s face, Jaeyi would swallow her own longing, choosing to let her rest rather than seeking the warmth she craved.
She checked her phone: 11:27 AM.
Habit took over as she opened the tracking app. The small icon on the map placed Seulgi at John Radcliffe Hospital.
Jaeyi was trying to change. She had promised herself to love Seulgi without the old, suffocating shadows of obsession, but the instinct remained. It was a part of her that she was still learning to quit.
Jaeyi was still a shadow in Seulgi’s life. She still tracked the glowing dot of Seulgi’s phone across the city map, still cataloged the lives of those in Seulgi’s orbit, and still took a dark pleasure in 'handling' anyone who dared to unsettle her. She was a silent guardian with a jagged edge, intimidating anyone who caused Seulgi a moment of grief.
Yet, there was no deception between them. Jaeyi laid her obsessions bare, confessing every tracked mile and every intimidated colleague. And Seulgi, in her quiet, infinite grace, simply understood. She didn't flinch at the darkness, she accepted it as the price of Jaeyi’s devotion.
Months ago, Jaeyi had asked for it. Her voice had been small, trembling with a shame she couldn't hide.
"We don’t know anyone here," Jaeyi had whispered. "I need to know where you are, just in case something happens."
Seulgi hadn't looked at her with judgment. She had simply reached out, cupping Jaeyi’s face as if she were holding something precious and fragile. Her thumb traced the line of Jaeyi’s cheek.
"Okay," Seulgi had said.
The air had finally returned to Jaeyi’s lungs.
"But," Seulgi added with a soft smile, "I get to track you, too. That way, we are never truly lost from each other."
Jaeyi had buried her face in Seulgi’s shoulder, the scent of her skin calming the storm inside.
"Thank you," Jaeyi whispered. "For taming the monster in me."
And Seulgi had only kissed her, holding her tight enough to keep the pieces from falling apart.
Even so, to Seulgi, a phone was just a tool for voices and messages, nothing more. The tracking app sat untouched, a forgotten eye. She had likely forgotten she even had the power to see where Jaeyi was.
Jaeyi exhaled a long, shaky breath, trying to push out the longing that sat like a stone on her heart.
Today was meant for them. A day for tangled limbs and warmth under the covers. But Seulgi, ever kind, had said ‘yes’ to a coworker. She had chosen the hospital over the home.
Again.
__
Jaeyi stepped through the hospital’s heavy doors during the break time, but she bypassed the crowded cafeteria, heading instead for the bench in the central courtyard. The spot where Seulgi usually retreated to eat the lunch Jaeyi had carefully packed for her. A small, quiet island in the middle of a chaotic day.
Dressed in a black coat, a beanie, and a mask, Jaeyi was a shadow. She didn’t want to be seen. She only wanted to watch. Another hunt, another day spent living in the periphery of Seulgi’s life.
She found her. Or, them.
Seulgi wasn't alone. She was with Ye Eun, one of the young pediatric residents sent by the government.
They look intimate. They laugh. They sat too close. Their shoulders touched. They were sharing the meal Jaeyi had prepared with her own hands.
Jaeyi’s jaw tightened. Her eyes turned cold as she watched Ye Eun take Seulgi’s hand, stroking the palm with a soft thumb. Seulgi didn't pull away. She stayed still, as if she didn't realize her body already belonged to someone else.
Jaeyi pulled out her phone. The screen was blank. No texts. No missed calls from Seulgi.
Seulgi had promised to call the moment she was free. It sounded like a small thing, a childish thing. But to Jaeyi, and to the restless creature living inside her, that little promise was not a choice. It was a law.
A dark part of Jaeyi ached to dial Seulgi’s number, to tell Seulgi that she was right there, watching it all unfold. She wanted to weaponize the truth, to wrap Seulgi in a suffocating shroud of guilt until she finally realized whose heart she truly belonged to. She wanted to hurt her, to bind her, to leave Seulgi so haunted by her own betrayal that she could never look away again.
Jaeyi pressed the screen. She watched the call travel through the air.
Across from her, Seulgi felt the vibration. When she saw the name on her phone, her face changed. It was the look of someone suddenly remembering a debt they had forgotten to pay.
Seulgi answered the call, but she stayed where she was. She remained glued to Ye Eun's side.
"Jaeyi-ah," she said softly.
She kept the apology to herself. She knew that saying 'sorry' for a small mistake only gave Jaeyi more proof, more reason to believe that their love was a cage she was trying to escape.
"Did you have your lunch yet?" It was the only safe thing left to say.
Silence.
Jaeyi didn't speak. She just watched, her eyes locked on the woman who sounded so distant over the line.
A desperate silence was her only refuge. She clamped down on her tongue, terrified that if she started speaking, her voice would betray her, unraveling into a jagged confession she could no longer restrain.
"Jaeyi-ah?" Seulgi’s voice was smaller now.
The silence on the line was heavy. It felt like a physical weight.
Seulgi pulled the phone back to look at the screen. The timer was ticking. They were still connected. Then, a cold thought took root in her mind. A possibility she had felt many times before.
Jaeyi is here.
She looked up. She scanned. And then she saw her.
Jaeyi was standing by a stone pillar. She looked like a statue. The phone was in her ear, but she wasn't listening to the speaker. She was looking at her.
Seulgi ended the call. She didn't hesitate. She walked toward the shadows where Jaeyi stood, her steps steady and sure.
"Hey," Seulgi said softly. There was no fear in her voice. "You should have come sooner. We could have lunch together."
Jaeyi remained a statue. Her face was blank, but her mind was a battlefield. Beneath the dark urge to possess was a crushing weight of guilt. The shame of being a monster that Seulgi had to constantly soothe.
As if she could hear the storm inside Jaeyi’s head, Seulgi reached out. She placed her palm against Jaeyi’s cheek. The familiar ritual, a quiet command for the darkness to settle.
Jaeyi closed her eyes and let herself break. She leaned into the touch, exhaling the tension until she could breathe again. When she looked up, her smile was soft and true.
"I just wanted to see you," Jaeyi said under one breath. "I missed you."
She took Seulgi’s hand to hold it, but the light caught a thin, red line. A cut, trailing across her palm.
Jaeyi’s eyes widened. The world narrowed down to that single wound. "Your hand. What happened?"
"A little boy was scared of the needles," Seulgi said, her voice calm. "He didn't mean it. It’s nothing, really."
Jaeyi lifted the wounded hand and pressed her lips to the cut, a silent prayer for healing.
Then, with its usual cold timing, the world tore them apart again. A jagged shout echoed from the hospital, the frantic summons of duty. The hospital was calling its own back to the front lines.
“Seulgi!” Ye Eun shouted, as she sprinted into the doors.
"See you at home," Seulgi turned to run. But after a few steps, she stopped as if remembering the gravity of the person she was leaving behind.
She ran back. She pulled Jaeyi into a deep kiss.
When she pulled back just an inch, her forehead resting against Jaeyi’s. Both palm on Jaeyi’s cheek.
"It’s okay," she breathed, anchoring them both. "Don't let the shadows talk to you. I’m fine. We are fine."
She looked into Jaeyi’s darkened eyes. "I’m yours. Always."
With a final smile, Seulgi let go and ran toward the emergency. Her figure shrinking as she reached the doors. Jaeyi stood in the silence, the ghost of the touch still warm on her skin.
__
Once home, Jaeyi returned to her data. She unlocked the encrypted folder where she kept the ledger of Seulgi’s social circle, a comprehensive list of everyone from hospital staff to academic peers.
Her focus narrowed to the young doctors on the scholarship program. Names like Park Kyung Hye, Lee Min Soo, Jeon Somi, were merely background noise. It was Shin Ye Eun’s file she opened.
Every detail, from the professional to the intimately personal, was laid bare. It was just a precaution, a necessary insurance policy. She would only strike if Seulgi’s safety was at stake.
To protect Seulgi, not to feed her paranoia.
Right?
She was propped up against the headboard, her iPad resting on her lap, when her phone flickered to life. A notification from Seulgi.
Princess♡ : Emergency at work. Can't make it home.
Princess♡ : Sleep. Don't wait up.
Jaeyi’s gaze fixed on the digital clock in the corner: 10:28 p.m.
A heavy, jagged breath escaped her, her jaw tightening until it ached. She wasn't angry at Seulgi, she knew the weight of Seulgi's responsibilities, but she was furious at the hollow space beside her. She felt an overwhelming surge of emotions, a violent collision of longing and jealousy that she could no longer untangle.
And a cold fear began to take root in her chest. She was terrified that this agony wasn't the pure love she claimed it to be, but something far more distorted. She questioned if her heartache was truly the ache of missing someone, or if it was merely the jagged edge of a growing obsession.
She was frightened by the possibility that she no longer wanted Seulgi’s happiness, but simply her presence.
At any cost.
She wanted Seulgi here, now, to anchor her, but the bed remained cold. This internal war, the desperate need for Seulgi versus the self-loathing for her own suffocating thoughts, left her feeling exhausted and utterly undone. She didn't blame Seulgi for being gone, she blamed herself for being so broken by the absence.
It was a natural feeling of longing, of loneliness. But Jaeyi couldn't detect its normality because she had already labeled herself a monster.
__
The neon lights of ATIK blurred into long streaks as Jaeyi moved, her senses dulled by drink and the rhythmic thrum of the floor. She gave herself to the strangers on the dance floor, a hollow shell performing joy. Some reached for her, seeking an intimacy she wouldn't grant, for even at her most intoxicated, Jaeyi never lost her grip on the reins.
Then, she saw her reflection in a darkened panel. A silhouette wrapped in gloom, a ghost haunting a party. Jaeyi ceased her movements, the laughter dying on her lips. She studied the shape of her own soul through that dim glass, staring into the cage of her own making.
And there it was. Looking back with cold, familiar eyes.
Her true self.
Set Seulgi free?
As if!
Free. Yourself.
You’re the one who can’t breathe.
That was the final straw, the nudge she needed to snap.
A woman bumped into her amidst the pulsing lights, but before an apology could even form, Jaeyi had her by the collar, pulling her in for a desperate, frantic kiss. The stranger responded with equal hunger, their hands searching, grasping blindly through the haze of alcohol.
But then, Seulgi flickered across her mind like a lightning strike. She saw the flash of Seulgi’s dimples, and heard the echo of that melodic, grounding laugh.
As the stranger’s palm pressed against Jaeyi’s heated cheek, the sensation was overwritten by a phantom memory. Seulgi’s hands framing her face, her touch soft and impossibly warm. In her mind's eye, Seulgi leaned in, resting their foreheads together in that quiet way only she could.
You’re not a monster.
Seulgi’s voice whispered through the noise of the club.
You're not hurting me. You’re just terrified of losing me.
The memory burned brighter than the neon lights.
And just so you know... I’ll never leave you.
Jaeyi tore herself away, her lungs burning with jagged, erratic breaths. Her head spun in a dizzying whirlpool of guilt and adrenaline. When the woman reached for her again, Jaeyi held up a trembling hand. A silent, sharp plea for distance.
She turned to vanish into the crowd, but the world stopped spinning the moment her eyes met a familiar pair.
Park Kyung Hye stood a few feet away. One of the young doctors from the government delegation. One of Seulgi’s inner circle.
The recognition in Kyung Hye’s wide and disbelieving eyes was instantaneous. The girl looked as though she’d seen a ghost.
Fuck.
__
"Focus!"
Her mentor’s voice cut through the sterile air, pulling Seulgi’s eyes back from the glowing red digits of the wall clock.
Mumbling a quick apology, she refocused on the patient’s bloodied form laid out before her. Every fiber of her being ached to go home. She was drowning in exhaustion and a crushing longing for Jaeyi.
Guilt gnawed at her for all the times she’d taken Jaeyi for granted, but there was no room for sentiment here. She snapped back into professional mode. She couldn't afford to be soft. Not while a life hung in the balance on her table.
__
Jaeyi slammed Kyung Hye against the restroom tiles, the impact knocking the air out of the younger girl’s lungs. Before she could even scream, Jaeyi was in her space, pinning her by the neck with her forearm, not enough to crush her windpipe, but enough to make her gasp for every breath.
"Go ahead, tell Seulgi what you saw tonight," Jaeyi hissed, her voice a low, jagged blade. "And I’ll make sure your holy-than-thou parents find out exactly who their daughter is really into."
Kyung Hye stared back, her face draining of color. But Jaeyi wasn't done. She pressed harder, crowding her into the wall.
"Talk to her, and I’ll leak everything. Your family, your coworkers, your friends. I’ll show them all the sick, twisted fanfic you’ve been writing under that anonymous handle. I have all of it."
Kyung Hye nearly choked in pure disbelief. Her eyes were bloodshot, her fear spiked with a sharp, helpless confusion. How the hell did she know? She had spent years hiding behind that screen name.
Jaeyi leaned in until their foreheads almost touched. “Are we understood, Kyung Hye?" The silence that followed was suffocating.
Kyung Hye managed a frantic nod.
Jaeyi let go, and Kyung Hye slumped to the floor, her breathing coming in ragged, uneven gulps.
Jaeyi turned to walk out, her hand already reaching for the door, when Kyung Hye’s trembling voice cut through the silence.
"You miss her, don’t you?"
Jaeyi’s boots stopped mid step.
“You miss her so much it’s suffocating you.” Kyung Hye pulled herself up, her back scraping against the wall. The tremors from Jaeyi’s attack hadn't fully faded, but a new light was flickering in her eyes.
“But you don't dare ask for her time. You've convinced yourself that asking for her is a sin, that it’s just another symptom of your obsession.”
Jaeyi’s expression hardened, her jaw locking so tight it looked painful. She turned around, her gaze cutting through the air like a blade.
Kyung Hye didn’t flinch. Instead, a cruel, mocking smile pulled at her lips. "You’re so desperate to look 'sane' for her, aren't you?”
__
Seulgi trailed behind her professor as they exited the operating room. When she finally stripped off her surgical mask, her face looked hollow. Pale, with deep, bruised shadows under her eyes.
“See you in class,” the professor said, already moving on. Seulgi offered a stiff, mechanical bow, her body feeling like lead.
She took a shaky breath and checked the clock, 5:32 a.m.
Her fingers crushed the mask in her grip. Classes started at eight, followed by her next hospital round. There was no window to go home. No time for Jaeyi.
She yanked open her locker and reached for her phone. Nothing. No messages, no missed calls. Jaeyi hadn’t even looked at her last text.
She opened the tracking app. Jaeyi’s location pinged, glowing like a taunt. A hotel.
Seulgi’s pulse spiked as she dug into the history. The digital trail was damning: ATIK Nightclub, 11:09 PM – 3:17 AM. Then, the hotel, where the signal had been stationary for the last two hours.
Her breath caught. A violent tremor started in her hands.
Could it be?
She shook her head, trying to physically throw off the thought of Jaeyi, blurred by alcohol, falling into a bed with someone else. But the sleep deprivation had stripped away her defenses, leaving her mind a playground for the worst case scenarios.
She dug deeper, scrolling through Jaeyi’s movements over the past month. The same hotel appeared again and again, always past midnight, always on the nights Seulgi was stuck at the hospital.
What if?
No.
She wouldn't.
That hotel has a nice bar. She’s just... she’s just having a drink.
Suddenly, a sharp ache bloomed behind her eyes, followed by a deafening ring in her ears. Seulgi clutched her temples, squeezing her eyes shut against the phantom noise. Her strength gave out, and she slid down the lockers until she hit the floor. She curled into herself, burying her face in her arms.