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She doesn't know how long it's been - weeks, maybe even a couple of months.
They don't really have a new normal yet. There's a lot of keeping themselves busy sorting the cabin, plans as the boys get back to school and Jonathan plans for college, and talking about their future. Now the dust of Hopper's sudden return has settled and the town rebuilds, he's talking to the powers that be about getting his old Chief job back.
It's relief mixed with deep sadness; feeling like a weight has lifted but a new one is in its place. But the one thing that she knows is that this is it for them now. Whatever the future holds, they're in it together. Sharing the cabin, the bed, each other; while the relationship is not new, this is. She can see Hopper trying to hold himself together, to stay with her, to be present, to not sink back into the black hole he came from all those years ago. It's a battle. And because she's there, to hold him, to be sad with him and to cry with him, they feel close. It feels ok. It feels like it will get better.
That is until tonight, when she rolls over in bed and sinks into the spot where he was, cold and empty. A little light streams under the door and an unfamiliar panic rises. She knows he struggles to sleep, but for some reason this time, she's worried what she might find. But when she opens the door to their room, he's sat on the kitchen floor, head in his hands, with the fridge door open.
He lifts his head when he hears her and gives her a soft smile.
'Hey, sorry, I didn't mean to wake you'.
'It's ok. I wasn't really sleeping. Is everything alright?' She sits down next to him on the kitchen floor and rests against his shoulder.
'Yeah. Just....I just....woke and it hit me a little harder than usual, and I couldn't process it, you know. I came out here to find something to numb it. And I was just gonna grab a beer but I don't want to. I don't want to. So I've got this...' he lifts a Dr Pepper from the floor. 'And I'm just looking at the beers'. He lets out a little laugh through his nose.
She smiles. 'It's not really doing it for me. But it'll pass. It'll pass. I'm trying so hard to not go down that path Joyce. For you, for the boys. For El. For me, even. I don't want to be in that hole. I can't go back there.'
'I know. I know Hop. I'm here for you, you know that. And I'm hurting too. You can always wake me up, always.' She leans up to reach her hand to his cheek and kisses the other. That long beard is gone and back to stubble now, but the moustache remains. His hair is cropped. She liked his messy look, but this is better. This is her Hop.
He turns his head to catch her in a soft kiss, and their foreheads touch.
'I love you,' he whispers, and no matter how many times he says it to her, it makes her coil inside every time.
'I love you too.' They kiss again, and her thoughts turn to something else, something more.
Before she knows it he's kissing her hungry and deep. It feels like he needs this, needs something to not numb his feelings this time, but to ignite them into something else, and she pushes even deeper, tongues now dancing at what is quickly becoming an uncomfortable angle.
She lifts herself up onto his lap to get better access to him, and grinds down on his crotch, feeling him stir in his boxers. She'll never get tired of knowing what she does to him. His arousal thickens and while she wants to do this for him, the thought of fucking on the kitchen floor is sending her spiralling.
Wordlessly, he starts to pull her pyjama bottoms down and she awkwardly lifts up so he can get one of the legs down over her foot. He lifts up and pulls his boxers down over his hips and slides her panties to the side and it's so hot she think she might orgasm there and then. In one movement he's inside her. Her breath hitches, it's startling for both of them and they adjust to the sudden feeling, bodies momentarily stilling and foreheads touching, only the sound of panting filling the air.
Normally, they take their time, and Hopper knows Joyce better than she knows herself. Where to touch her, to kiss her, how to bring her to the edge of sanity before pushing her over the edge to ecstasy. She understands now what it's like to be with someone who worships her, gives her confidence to ask for what she needs, and brings her extraordinary pleasure.
But this, this feels raw. And new. After a moment she starts to move, grinding up and down on him as he sinks his head into her neck and sucks furiously. His hands are hard pressing against her sides as he helps her move and fuck if she wasn't so god damn turned on down here on the floor. But she can tell it's not enough for him.
'Take what you need,' she whispers into his ear.
'I want to fuck you so hard baby. I can't do that.'
'You can, please, I want it.' She feels like she's giving him permission to do something she shouldn't want, but the thought of it is blanking her mind. The anticipation and excitement of being buried into the mattress by her big man with his big dick who is normally so tender and gentle is making her lower stomach swirl.
With dark eyes, he lifts them both from the floor and carries her towards the bedroom, still inside her, her legs around his waist. Stopping momentarily against the wall so he can thrust into her and kiss her so deeply she almost can't breathe. Before she knows it she's on the bed, splayed out, and he makes quick work of ridding her pyjama bottoms and underwear and lifts her top up and over, so she's naked in front of him.
'Fuck me Joyce, Jesus, look at you. The things you do to me.'
In a second he's also naked, and back inside of her. 'Tell me to stop. At any time baby. Any time' She nods and pulls him down for a lingering kiss, knowing what's about to come.
He has purpose now, lifting her leg up to his hip so he can get deeper, and thrusting so hard and deep she thinks she might pass out. His face is clouded with lust, pounding her into the mattress, the only noise their ragged breathing and sound of flesh meeting at their connection.
If she was more forward, she'd have asked him to fuck her like this a long time ago, but Lonnie dragged any semblance of sexual confidence she had out of her many years ago. And he wouldn't care for her wellbeing. He'd take what he wanted without a thought for how it felt for her. Without any pleasure. And then do it with some fucking bar fly so she'd never feel she was enough.
But Hopper. He's her safe space. He'd never hurt her. She can trust him. It feels good, and she feels wanted, and like she's enough, just her, how she is. She'll always be enough.
He grabs her hands and reaches them both above her head, trapping her beneath him, and god she couldn't be more turned on. She can see him watching her breasts bounce and he ducks his head down to slide a nipple one after the other into his mouth as he thrusts. Nipping and licking and sucking. Her body is humming with desire.
After a while, he lets go of her and slides out of her completely, leaving her bereft at the loss of contact, only for him to grab her hands and pull her up gently.
'Turn around' he whispers and she complies. God she'd do anything for him right now.
He pulls her close so her back is against his chest. 'Are you ok? Do you need me to stop?'
'I'm ok, I'm ok.' In truth she's more than ok. He can be rough sometimes, but this is next level and she doesn't want it to end.
They've done it this way before many times. She likes it from behind, and he knows she likes it. But she can feel this is going to be different.
He guides her down gently so she's face down on the bed, and tenderly lifts her by her hips ever so slightly. It's a contrast to what she knows is coming.
He slides back in with ease and purpose and he's back at it in moments, thrusting hard and fast, and my god it's filthy but beautiful and painful but glorious and the mixture of sensations is driving her wild. She can feel the wetness coming out of her.
She wants more of him, all of him, and he knows because she moves her hips slightly up trying to get him deeper and he shifts until he's almost drilling into her like nothing she's felt before.
She knows when he's done he'll take care of her, he'll make sure she gets what she needs and she'll be ready for it, her body desperate for release.
But moments later, when his hands are now on either side of her so he's almost crouching on top of her, he's pounding into her sweet spot inside and she can feel sensations building.
She lets out a new moan, almost a whimper, and he suddenly stops.
'Shit, are you ok, are you ok?' he panics and it's all she can do to drag out a 'don't stop please' which comes out embarrassingly loud. He lets out a guttural moan at Joyce begging him to keep pounding into her and he's back at it, searing into her pussy.
In seconds, she's there, the contrast of being ruined face down on the bed bringing her the sweetest orgasm, and she can't help but make the most obscene sounds as he brings her through the other side, finishing almost instantly behind her with equal voracity.
'Fuck, fuck, baby' he whispers as they both come down.
'Oh my god, Hop' she replies, holding back what feels like tears stinging into her eyes. No man can ever match him.
He leans down to pepper sweet kisses across her shoulders and back. 'You are fucking unbelievable baby.' He's still inside her, but it's gentle now, slowly moving in and out so they can both feel it, and the intensity is almost making her black out.
He lifts out of her and moves to lie down next to her, reaching to push her messed up hair behind her ear. 'I love you so god damn much, you have no idea.'
'That was incredible, Hop. Aren't you a naughty boy?' and they both burst into a laugh, as if he didn't just destroy her, and their mattress. 'I love you too.'
They kiss and this time it's gentle, without the neediness, the passion, the rage. He's slowly teasing her with his tongue, before moving down to her neck.
He's spending time on her now, worshipping her body like he always does, down her chest, spending time licking at those nipples like he knows she likes, and while she's sensitive all over right now it feels nice, gentle, the contrasting change of pace to something lazy and tender.
He starts kissing down her body and she knows where this is going, she wants to tell him he doesn't have to, that she's reached her peak already, she's satisfied and satiated. But it feels so good and he'll do it anyway; the thought of his mouth on her like a special kind of aftercare after the chaos of what just happened is giving her butterflies.
She wasn't even sure if she could drag out another orgasm but she wants to find out.
Before she knows it he's on her, gentle, his flat tongue sweeping over her clit in slow rhythmic movements. He's so good at this, as she found out that night in the Alaskan motel when they first slept together. She'd never orgasmed this way before - others had tried, and failed.
But Hopper - there was no doubt he knew his way around a woman's body, but he paid attention, he listened, he memorised. Now, he knows what she wants before she does, and how she wants it; how she needs it. Here, usually, he'd add a finger to sweep up to that sweet spot inside, which he knows she loves. But as if she's talking to him telepathically, he doesn't here, because he knows she's sore and sensitive.
He does sweep his tongue down there though, across her entrance, eating at her, and the fact there's a mix of him and her there right now turns her on even more making her rock her hips into his face as he moves back to her clit. In a few moments she's climbing again, and while she thought it might not happen at all, this one is just as intense as the last, and she's screaming out with his name on her tongue as he pushes her over the edge.
He climbs back up her body with a smirk on his face and captures her in a kiss, deep and slow so she can taste both of them on his tongue and Christ if he doesn't know how to push her buttons.
'What are you trying to do me?' she smiles.
'God I could make love to you right now. Properly make love to you, this time,' he says as he looks deep into her eyes, his erection solid against her thigh.
'I think we need to get some sleep before I get all riled up,' he laughs. And he looks lighter now, a temporary respite from the ebbing pain.
She rests her head on his chest while their breathing calms.
'I'm not going back there you know,' he says, lightly. 'The black hole, the cave. I want to be with you. I want a life together with you, and the boys. I just want you to know that.'
'I know. We're in this together.' she whispers, barely audible as they drift back into sleep.