Work Text:
Hey G,
So, I know texting and calling would be more convenient but this is more romantic, no? Sure, it's just an email, but you better believe I'm going to print these out and give them the full treatment so that we have them in paper form for the rest of our lives as well.
I really wish we could be together for this winter break. It's our last one before we're off for "higher education" or whatever. Like that's what's important. I can already hear you reprimanding me, knowledge is important- but, G, there's other ways to gain knowledge that doesn't involve sitting in a classroom! Honest!
I know we spoke before my family left, but... I'm really not sure how to feel right now. I love my grandmother. Mommom Times has always been dear to me, but... I hate how she is right now. G, there's no way she isn't suffering to some degree. She used to be the most energetic person I knew, and now she can barely move. I love her to bits, but I wish she didn't have to suffer. She has so many wires and tubes, and I just know that the nurse that's been visiting isn't just a travel nurse or whatever. I think she's a hospice nurse, but no one wants to tell me. You'd tell me though, if you knew.
I've been thinking back on this last year. Can you believe that at the end of this month we'll have been together for a year? It just hit me that I'll be here for our one year anniversary and it just feels so unfair. I wish you could have come with, but logistically, there was no way to fit another person in the car.
I said it when we spoke on the phone an hour ago, but I want to write it here too, so.
Grian, I love you.
Talk to you later,
Scar
*~*
Hey Scar,
I know that you will print these out. So I will volunteer to get a container for them. That way they can be preserved for as long as humanly possible. Promise.
You're not wrong, knowledge is something you never stop gaining. That being said, job prospects tend to want that silly little official paper certificate when they hire people with the knowledge they want. Not all jobs, but enough to make it a higher priority. So higher education, Scar. We'll do it together.
I know you're going through a lot, but instead of focusing on her deterioration, focus on spending time with her. Mommom Times still has her soul, her fire- and that what makes her, her. Sure, she won't be able to dance with you, but you've said before that she's one of the biggest instigator in your imagineering rants, right? I'm sure you two can get into a riotous talk about that, at least.
As for our anniversary, that is something we can worry about later. Even if we have to celebrate it late, I don't mind. Your family needs you first and foremost right now, I may be a priority for you, but my priority is you. Our anniversary is just a date, your grandmother is a person that has meant a lot to you your whole life. Focus on Mommom Times, I'll still be here.
I love you too, Scar.
Sincerely,
Grian
*~*
Hey G,
You were right, of course. I have such a smart and knowledgeable boyfriend! You are really the best. How are you doing? I know we just got off the phone, but you seemed to be in a rush and I just wanted to make sure everything was really okay on your end.
I spent some uninterrupted time with Mommom Times today. It only took about a week to get some one-on-one time, but I suppose we're all scrambling to do so. It is her last Christmas, after all.
How is everyone else, by the way? Did Jimmy manage to confess? Or was he confessed to? Wait! What if it happens at the End of Year Party?! I'm not going to be there this year! I can't believe I am missing the biggest event for our friend group! Do you think we could coerce all of them to push it back to the first weekend in January? I got do some wheelin' and dealin' for that, right?
I guess I should stop here, we're going out for dinner apparently.
Love you,
Scar
*~*
Hey Scar,
I might be smart or whatever, but so are you. You're just better at coming across as an average guy than I am. And don't say I'm not, I have heard the people talking at school. There's a level of insanity to be said for my ongoing battle to be either valedictorian or salutatorian. Some of our classmates are just as competitive, you know?
I hope you get to spend more time with your grandmother while you're there. Maybe there's a schedule that you haven't seen that's been worked out? I'm positive that Stacey-Mum won't let you miss out on spending as much time as you would like to with your grandmother, Scar. You just need to talk to her. I've never seen someone so friendly with their mother-in-law, after all! (Okay, my mum is the one who said that, but don't call me out on it?)
Everyone is doing well, they keep asking me about you. It's like they all forgot how technology works the moment you're in a completely different county! Not that I mind too much, I love getting to talk about you. Not that I'll admit it if you tell someone that, I have an image to maintain! But I love you, so talking about you does make me smile. In regards to Jimmy, I have a betting pool with Joel and Etho going on. I have bet on a confession happening at the End of Year party. I put one in for you too, don't worry. I know you would hate to miss out on a betting pool like this.
I know things seem like they're too much and yet not enough right now, but I'm here. I promise.
Love you too,
Grian <3
*~*
Hey G,
I know we just wrote earlier, but I feel like I left a lot unsaid. Your last little note was right though, you described everything perfectly. I feel like I'm suffocating and yet the air is bountiful. Starving, but might plate is overflowing.
I feel like I'm dying alongside my grandmother, but like there's so much joy to be had still. I feel like I could crry at an y moment, but... what's the point in mourning someone who is still alive?
I miss you too. I wish you were here to hug me and talk to me and get my brain out of this rut I'm in n. I'm... okay though.
I will be, at least.
I'll respond to the rest of your letter in the morning.
I love youj,
Scar
P.S.- please don't judsge my typing yhis time, I didn't spell check anything this tme.. Just needed to get htisk out quickly.
*~*
"Scar, are you coming down for dinner?" He heard his mom call up the stairs, the little room he was set up in feeling so impossibly far from the dinner table that he was expected to be at.
Taking a deep breath, Scar allowed himself another few seconds to wallow in his misery and self-pity, before standing up and shaking his hands out. Plastering a tiny smile on his face, he headed to the door as he called back, "I'm on my way now, ma! I was just sending Gri a letter!"
He didn't receive a response- not that he anticipated one- but he headed down the stairs anyway. Entering the dining room, the chaos that was the Times family all gathered in one room made itself clear the second he stepped over the threshold. Aunts and Uncles huddled at one of the table, situating themselves to be able to assist Mommom Times should the need arise, while the cousins were all at the other end chatting. A sense of gloom was also in the dining room, but everyone was ignoring it as they pushed forward with their family meal.
Unaware of his own actions after having been seated, Scar found himself pushing his food around on the plate in front of him more than eating. Most of the food had already been eaten and the table was starting to empty. Some of the family was in the living room, most of the cousins had made their way to the basement to play games, some of the older family members had gone to the kitchen to begin cleaning up and discussing meals for the following day. And Scar? He felt hollowed out. Like if he allowed himself to feel all of his true emotions, he might never stop crying; but also like his true emotions were too large for his body to contain so they were instead looming over him like a cloud.
Setting his fork down again, he pulled his phone out of his pocket and scrolled through his text messages. Grian's chat was still sitting quiet- not that he anticipated a message just yet, they had a phone call planned for an hour and a half from now, but it still felt weird for there to be nothing from his boyfriend. He checked a few of his pending messages out, shooting off a reply to Tango in the hopes of giving his friend some extra courage, and replying to a question from BigB that felt like it came from left field; he also sent a message back to Cleo about his class roster for the following semester to see if they had any overlap.
Just as Scar was ready to call dinner a wash, there came a knock on the front door. Scar watched with curiosity as his mother ran to answer the door- her trip taking her from the kitchen, through the dining room and living room, and down about seven or eight stairs, before her voice greeted whomever it was brightly. Scar was about to ignore this as well, before he realized her volume had dropped so that it was impossible to hear her. Torn between cleaning his plate up and checking on the door, Scar found himself standing up. His phone was placed on the table beside his half-full plate as he started toward the doorway.
"I'm so glad you could make it." He heard his mom say to whomever was at the door, his heart stuttering in his chest when he finally saw who it was.
Sometimes, words are the answer- but for Scar, there was one thing that would help above all else; and maybe the universe hadn't ignored his silent pleas this time.