Chapter Text
They were playing “Spin the Bottle.” They usually did some form of gathering before the opening show. They had been at dance practice all day, and this was the last evening to celebrate and let loose a little before showtime in two days. Some of the dancers were there and the ambience had been that perfect combination of chill and tense, relaxed anticipation, comfortable exhaustion and nervous energy, the way it always got before a tour. Sitting in a circle alternating between girl and boy, there was giggling during the funny questions round, evolving into people crying and gasping for air during the silly challenges round, then back to giggling and whooping during the kissing round.
Then it was Hyunjin’s turn. The bottle stopped right between Felix and one of the dancers. Hyunjin smiled and sighed a little, as he walked on all fours towards them. Felix glanced over at the dancer next to him – he couldn’t remember exactly which one it had been, but that didn’t matter because it wasn’t her Hyunjin had stopped in front of. Hyunjin’s knees were touching Felix’s, and before Felix had time to be surprised or gasp or laugh it off, Hyunjin’s lips were on his. He was kissing him. It was a proper kiss, not just a joking peck. It was a short but firm, and very real, kiss. Felix felt the warm push of Hyunjin’s lips all the way through to his teeth. All the blood rushed to his ears and he only faintly registered what was happening around them.
There was whooping and laughter. Hyunjin smirked as he took his place again. Felix looked down. Maybe a little too late, he remembered to laugh as well. People had been joking, he was sure, but he couldn’t remember anything that had been said. Ye-jin, the girl next to Hyunjin, spun the bottle and the moment was over. Her bottle had stopped on Chan, and their exaggerated makeout session quickly made everyone forget that Felix’s brain was exploding.
That had been two years ago. Everybody had gotten over it, just like they had gotten over every other kiss during that evening. It had been a party game, a way to let out steam after weeks of intense crunch time, a way to goof out before weeks of only showing your best side. It meant nothing, and the unspoken rule was that they didn’t talk about things that were said or done the night before a show.
Felix hadn’t talked about it. He didn’t tell anyone that he hadn’t been able to erase the memory of those soft beautiful lips on his. He had never mentioned the small exhale from Hyunjin’s nose, just as he broke free, that had tickled Felix’s right cheek, and that for hours after, he still felt that tickle all the way into his spine. He didn’t say that for two years, he had wanted to do… something about it. He never told anyone about the countless times he’d gone over various scenarios of him confronting Hyunjin in his head, some with happy outcomes, others disastrous. And he hadn’t talked about how he wanted to kiss Hyunjin again.
The walk through the brightly lit hallway felt so very long. Felix moved silently in his slippers on the carpeted floor, trying to make as little noise as possible, casting furtive glances over his shoulder every now and then.
He couldn't really explain the urge for secrecy. This was hardly the first time he went to Hyunjin’s room in the evening. Or any of the other guys’ rooms, for that matter. Their doors were more suggestions than actual barriers, with all of them coming and going as it pleased at all hours. There was nothing suspicious, he was doing nothing wrong. Nobody would lift an eyebrow if they saw him now. It wasn’t even that late. He could still hear the TV-game Changbin and I.N. blasting from the living room speakers. Oh god, he should have waited until most of the guys were gone to bed. It was only about nine in the evening, so it wasn’t that late, but Hyunjin had taken a remarkably early night, as he was flying overseas for promo the next day.
Now was the perfect time, really, for doing whatever foolish thing he was about to do. Before Hyunjin came back from promo, Felix would be flying off for a sponsor job, and then their schedules would be so busy they weren’t likely to see each other outside of work for a good three weeks at least. Perfect for damage control, should things go sideways. Or at least for dying of shame in a dark pit of despair and nobody would notice because they would all be exhausted, should things go sideways.
He stopped outside Hyunjin’s door. With a new glance over his shoulder, he leaned forward to put his ear to it and listened. He couldn’t hear anything. He knocked.
No answer.
Felix felt lightheaded, and with his pulse hammering in his ears, he knocked again a little louder. Hyunjin couldn’t be sleeping already, could he? He suddenly remembered that he should probably breathe, but realised he didn't remember how to do that anymore. Was it in-out, or was it out-in? Should he try a box breath, maybe grounding breaths, or…
“Yeah?” Hyunjin’s voice sounded relaxed from behind the door. Felix gave up any thoughts of breathing and entered.
Hyunjin's room was comfortably messy. Sheets and strips of paper with sketches and watercolours were scattered across his desk, along with markers and paintbrushes. The T-shirt he had been wearing earlier hung over the back of his chair, with a necklace thrown over it. On the floor lay an open suitcase with some essentials in, and next to it were small piles of clothes and items clearly up for consideration. Hyunjin seemed to have taken a break from packing however, because currently he was reading on the bed in a frog stretch.
Felix had always been impressed by Hyunjin’s flexibility, but the way Hyunjin could make this highly painful stretching pose seem like the most natural position for a body to be able to read in, was bordering on provoking. His dark bangs were framing his face and were just-not falling into his eyes as he rested his chin on one hand and held the book up with the other. The oversized black hoodie he was wearing had ridden up a little, exposing the part of his lower back that wasn’t covered by his sweatpants.
Looking up from the book as Felix closed the door, his face cracked into a bright smile as he saw who it was.
“What's up?” he asked casually, still smiling. “Wanna help me pack?”
“Um.” Felix had not thought this part through. What now? Why was he really here? He tried to remember how to make words come out of his mouth, and then he once more became aware of that breathing thing he was failing at executing. He felt all the blood leaving his head.
“Is something wrong? Yongbok?” The smile vanished from Hyunjin’s face.
Felix was panicking. He had not made any plans at all, but he was certain that in his mind, this bit had not been part of them. “Uh,” he suggested unhelpfully, and his lungs suddenly turned on, making him hyperventilate. Why hadn’t he made a plan? Or had he made a plan? He had rehearsed this, hadn’t he? He leaned back against the door, just in case his legs would make serious of the sagging they seemed intent on initiating any moment now.
In one fluid movement, Hyunjin put down the book, got up from the bed and stood in front of him.
“Hey, Felix, what’s happening? Are you okay?” He grabbed Felix’s shoulders and looked him in the eyes.
The firm and soothing pressure from Hyunjin’s fingers on his shoulders loosened something in Felix’s brain and his lungs relaxed. He managed a deep breath in and exhaled slowly. His legs powered back on.
“Yeah,” he said with a sigh and a small, unconvincing chuckle, feeling his breath coming more evenly. “Yeah, sorry about that. I just got really nervous for a sec.”
Hyunjin’s eyebrows furrowed. “Clearly,” he mumbled slowly. He gave Felix a quick once-over look. “You okay, though? Oh. Um.”
His glance had stopped mid-way and the brows went from furrowed to raised. Felix realised that what Hyunjin was looking at clearly was more visible than he had hoped. He owned so many clothes. He could have worn baggier pants. He could have worn jeans. So why had he chosen to wear these ridiculously thin Adidas sweatpants, so distinctly and exceptionally unable to hide any erection?
“Ah,” he explained.
“Ah,” Hyunjin agreed, the corners of his mouth lifting a fraction.
“Do you want some help with that, maybe?” he said after a pause that lasted long enough for Felix to have contemplated tearing the door open and running away, and possibly just continue running all the way to the airport and escape to Thailand and start a new life selling ice cream on the beach from a cute little pastel coloured food cart and call it ‘Licks by Lix’, or something.
Hyunjin took a few steps back as he talked, until he was standing by the bed again, and Felix registered what he had actually said.
He nodded. His mouth was uncomfortably dry, but the nervousness he felt now, was definitely less uncomfortable. More loaded.
“Are you sure?” Hyunjin, asked again, “do you want me to take care of that for you?”
Felix nodded again and swallowed. “Yeah,” he said, feeling a little more confident. “Yes, I want you to… I want you.”
Hyunjin exhaled sharply through his nose and smiled. “Okay, then. Lock the door, please.”
Turning to do as he was told, Felix heard Hyunjin shuffle on the bed. When he turned back, Hyunjin was sitting crosslegged with his back to the headboard, arms over his chest. “And you should take off your clothes.”
Felix decided this was not the time for rushed action. He suddenly got a flash horror vision of himself naked in socks, and so decided to start in that end, quickly stepping out of his slippers. He removed his grey tank top, folding it neatly on top of the socks and slippers, and then took off his treacherous pants – though not without sending them a quick thought of gratitude for getting him to this point. With his thumbs inside the elastic of his boxers, he hesitated for a moment and glanced up at Hyunjin, whom he had pointedly avoided looking at until now.
Hyunjin was still sitting on the bed, unmoving, watching him with pleased interest. It was all the encouragement Felix needed. In one swift movement, he took off his underwear.
He was suddenly aware of his erect nakedness, especially compared to how absolutely clothed Hyunjin was. The slight temperature change made the hairs on his body rise and his skin bump. He licked one corner of his mouth nervously, locking eyes with Hyunjin.
“Nice,” Hyunjin said softly, eyes wide and darkening. He was obviously staring, as if etching the vision of a naked Felix in his room to his memory. “Come here.”
He patted the sheet beside him and Felix walked over.
“Hey, beautiful,” Hyunjin whispered as Felix sat down next to him. He turned and enveloped him in a hug.
Felix tightened his arms around Hyunjin’s waist, as Hyunjin shifted and nudged Felix gently onto his lap. They had hugged countless times before, but this time felt completely new. Perhaps it was the sensation of Hyunjin’s clothed body on his naked skin, perhaps it was the unknown tension suddenly arising between them, perhaps it was Hyunjin not-so-gently cupping his ass, but it was unchartered and intoxicating. Felix let his hands slide up under Hyunjin’s hoodie and felt the soft warm skin moving as Hyunjin breathed. Hyunjin buried his face into Felix’s neck under his ear, one hand stroking his shoulder, the other his back. They moved again, in unison, and Felix’s forehead found Hyunjin's, their eyes meeting. Hyunjin laughed gently and warmly, and Felix couldn’t help but laugh back, every ounce of nervousness replaced with happiness and something more.
And then Hyunjin was kissing him, and oh god, it was better than he remembered. This was no short, teasing kiss. This was hungry, deliberate and open-mouthed. Felix’s eyes fluttered shut. Hyunjin’s lips were so impossibly soft, his mouth so demanding. Felix kissed back as if Huynjin’s lips were oxygen. He licked at Hyunjin’s teeth and everywhere inside Hyunjin’s perfect mouth. He’d had no idea how much he’d needed to kiss Hyunjin until now, but now he knew he needed it desperately.
He couldn’t remember how it happened, but suddenly, he was on his back and Hyunjin was straddling him, still kissing, their fingers gripping each other tightly. Felix sucked on Hyunjin’s upper lip, on his lower lip, he felt as if he ever stopped kissing Hyunjin, he would die.
And yet, at one point, Hyunjin broke free from Felix’s mouth. With long fingers he pushed Felix’s jaw upwards and started kissing it, and under his chin. Felix whimpered involuntarily from the touch and the new, cold loneliness of his lips. But then Hyunjin was kissing his neck and his collarbone and Felix forgot what cold was.
Felix moaned hoarsely when Hyunjin’s mouth kissed his chest, and he could feel the slight swipe of a tongue over his pec.
“Shh,” Hyunjin chuckled softly in between kisses, and Felix put his arm over his mouth, chest heaving because Hyunjin was most certainly kissing his way downward.
He became very aware of his erection again, and how dangerously close Hyunjin’s lips were getting to it. Hyunjin planted an open-mouthed kiss right on top of his navel and a shiver crept up Felix’s spine, making his breath hitch.
Hyunjin was kissing the inside of his thigh, and Felix whimpered again, his arm muffling some of the sound.
“You good?” Hyunjin was panting a little. His brown eyes were dark with wanting but the question and need for confirmation was clear.
“Mhm,” Felix said into his arm and then removed it from his mouth so he could run his fingers through Hyunjin’s tousled hair. “Fuck,” he added, impressed that his brain could remember how to make words right now.
“Fuck,” Hyunjin agreed with a giggle, then put his bangs behind his ears and kissed Felix’s shaft. He shifted a little so he was kneeling between Felix’s legs, before he wrapped his long fingers around him.
The hand worked slowly up and down a few times, and Felix gasped, nerve-endings going in overdrive. His back arched and he threw his free hand over his mouth again and whined way too loudly into it.
And then he felt Hyunjin’s tongue tracing fire and ice from the root of his dick all the way up to the slit before taking him into his mouth. Felix gave out a muffled moan. How could his lips feel even softer now? Felix had dreamed of those lips, longed for them to the point of light obsession, but nothing, nothing, could have prepared him for this. His imagination had not been able to accurately portray the cloudlike vice-grip this perfect, perfect mouth had around his cock. He wanted to close his eyes, throw his head back and give in to the pleasure, but he couldn’t look away from the sight of himself vanishing and reappearing in and out of Hyunjin. Hyunjin was staring back up at him with hunger in his eyes.
“Oh, Hyunjin, yes,” he sighed, trying to whisper but probably failing.
Hyunjin worked steadily up and down, alternating the pressure of his tongue and lips taking Felix further and further in until the entire length was enveloped. The soft tissue in the back of Hyunjin’s throat was teasing the tip of Felix’s head, and the tips of Hyunjin’s fingers were dancing lightly behind Felix’s balls.
A warm, golden spiral was coiling itself inside his abdomen, tighter and tighter, tickling his spine, sending prickles all the way down to the tips of his toes and making them curl. Felix pushed gently at Hyunjin’s forehead.
“Hey, Hyunjin, I’m… I’m gonna–”
Hyunjin smiled with his mouth full and nodded once, a warm hand stroking Felix’s waist. He sucked on Felix’s dick eagerly, swirling his tongue around it a few times, until Felix saw stars. With a strangled sigh his ecstasy and release pulsated into the most impeccable mouth ever created, and he finally let his head fall back onto the mattress. He looked up at the ceiling in a daze, feeling the weight shift on the bed as Hyunjin was moving up to lay down next to him.
After a few seconds, when his heartbeat was starting to slow down, he turned his head smilingly to look at Hyunjin. Hyunjin was grinning back at him.
“Feeling better now?” he asked, a little hoarsely. His fingers were idly dancing up and down Felix’s arm.
“Yeah, actually,” Felix grinned back, fully relaxed, “much better.” He lifted a hand towards Hyunjin’s face, struck by the sudden urge to touch that magical mouth again that had made him feel so wonderful. His thumb grazed Hyunjin’s lower lip. It was swollen and red, parted slightly from the upper lip. Hyunjin caught Felix’s wrist gently and with a slight nudge, pushed the finger into his mouth. He swirled his tongue around it a couple of times, exactly the way he had done just a few minutes earlier, before taking the thumb out and placing it into Felix’s mouth.
On instinct, Felix sucked a little on his own thumb, registering a hint of saltiness. Hyunjin kissed his shoulder.
“Not to be an asshole or anything, but I really need to pack now.”
Felix snapped out of the daze. “Right. Of course. Uh, sorry.” It took all of his willpower to convince his refusing body to get up and out of Hyunjin’s bed, when all he wanted was to lay there and maybe definitely kiss Hyunjin some more, or at least stroke his hair a little until they both fell asleep.
Hyunjin grabbed his elbow. “Don’t be sorry. I’m not. This was nice.” He kissed his shoulder again. “And you don’t have to leave, unless you want to. You could help me pack.”