Chapter Text
It’s too late for them to be doing this.
“Ah- shit, Taerae, fuck-”
But Taerae couldn’t care any less.
Matthew is panting in his ear, the hot breath fanning his skin.
Taerae can’t get a word out, in comparison to his dear best friend, Matthew, whose lap Taerae is comfortably straddled across. A hand is down in Matthew’s pants, jerking him off, slowly. Taerae enjoys it like that, Matthew does too though he’d never admit it.
One of Matthew’s hands is inside of his shirt, fingertips digging into his skin one moment to then proceed with grazing across the sensitive nipples.
But Matthew, the gentleman he claims himself to be, has already let Taerae reach his climax. It’s only fair for Taerae to return the friendly gesture, is it not?
All of this despite the fact that it’s nearing three in the morning, they have a flight at eight, and the alarms will go off at five thirty.
(“We can just…sleep on the plane,” Matthew mumbles, hands tugging the hem of Taerae’s shirt. They’re still in rehearsals, with too many hours of practice left before the day ends. Matthew has been like this since the morning.
“You always sleep on the plane,” Taerae comments, doing his best at pretending not to be affected by the clinginess of his friend. “So it doesn't help me, I struggle with sleeping on the plane, you know that.”
And Matthew smirks, something glistening in his eyes. Taerae already knows.
“I’ll make sure you’re tired enough- no, exhausted enough. Aren’t you good at being edged?”
Taerae slaps him on the chest, cheeks burning red.
“Shut up…”
Matthew laughs at him before eventually letting go of his shirt, both of them adjusting their focus back to rehearsals.)
Maybe Taerae will be able to sleep on the plane today. He can be lucky sometimes.
“Ah-” Matthew’s whine cuts through his mind, bringing him back to reality. The reminder instantly makes Taerae feel warm all over, sucking in a breath and tightening the grip with his arm around Matthew’s neck, feeling the other fully come to hide against his neck, still panting. “Shit, Tae- shit.”
“Hm? Are you close?” He murmurs, feeling Matthew’s other hand coming to grip onto his waist, tightly, hiding his face even more against his neck and making a noise of complaint.
“Yes, Taerae, yes, I am, ah-”
Taerae quickens his pace then, just to be nice. He’s straddling Matthew and the space should be constricted, but he’s also learned that Matthew enjoys a challenge - for either of them. Which is one of the many reasons Taerae also does it slowly; teasing is fun, Matthew teases him every damn time, it’s only fair.
But Taerae loves teasing him more.
“You said I’m good at being edged,” he mumbles and stops moving his hand, pulling back and forcing Matthew to look at him. “Aren’t you good at that, too?”
And Taerae shouldn’t feel like this about his best friend.
Matthew’s lips are wet and swollen and parted, his face flushed, cheeks tinted red, his dark hair messy on his head. His eyes blink at him, so prettily, which is a rare sight. It’s usually the other way around - the way Taerae tends to prefer, but it’s fun to turn the tables at times.
Looking at Matthew is all Taerae needs sometimes. The other did edge him before, and though Taerae typically handles it gracefully, he also has his weak moments.
Matthew seems to be having one of those weak moments right now.
Much to Taerae’s delight.
“Tae…” He whispers, breathless and beautiful and Taerae smiles.
“Yes, Matthew-ya? What is it?”
“I can’t.”
Playing is fun, though. Taerae tilts his head with a tiny pout on his lips.
“Can’t what? Use your words, honey.”
They call each other plenty of things on the daily. Because it’s a joke between them. Honey. Jagiya. Darling. Taerae has noticed, however, that Matthew likes it even more during these moments.
He inspects Matthew’s face again, the arm around his neck moving away only to allow himself to run his fingers through Matthew’s hair.
“Use my words?”
Taerae startles at the sudden strength to Matthew’s voice, as if he’s not at all in a haze and gone and dreaming away right now.
“Mhm.”
Matthew bites his lip. Maybe Taerae isn’t done either.
“You can stop pleasuring me right now if you want to,” Matthew continues, both hands holding onto Taerae’s waist.
And it’s ridiculous, because this is attractive. Matthew is Taerae’s best friend. They should have been asleep since long ago, it’s probably less than two hours left now until they have to wake up again.
But it’s absolutely ridiculous and silly and Taerae is baffled every time.
Because here they are, in Matthew’s bed, Taerae straddling his lap, feeling Matthew’s erection through their pants with his own hand still in his friend’s boxers. He knows Matthew is close, yet he’s trying to turn it around again.
“Do you want me to stop pleasuring you?” Taerae questions then, softly, not quite sure whether Matthew is playing with him, or if he’s serious.
“I mean, let me get you there too, hm? You like being in my lap so much, don’t you?”
Oh.
Taerae knows what that means.
He should’ve known by the way Matthew’s grip moved and focused solely on his waist. Should’ve been a sign, really, Taerae has no excuses.
“I do.”
“Yeah?” Matthew smiles, way too sweet, definitely an act. He squeezes Taerae’s waist, “I also like having you here.”
“Thought you loved having me here,” Taerae finds himself commenting, rolling his eyes.
“That I do.”
The correction is too quick and Taerae is stunned.
They don’t say anything for a moment. Taerae feels his heartbeat going fast, certain that Matthew can hear it.
It’s silent and yet so much noise surrounds them; their breathing, hands moving slowly, bedsheets rustling as Matthew adjusts himself.
“Go ahead then, baby boy, you know what I want, right?”
Taerae does know exactly what Matthew wants. His body is getting warm again, his heartbeat is picking up and he’s sure Matthew is feeling the same. It’s pulsating through his entire body, as if he’s nothing but boiling water and Matthew keeps holding him steadily, used to it.
“Baby boy?” Taerae repeats with a tilt to his head, grinning at the petname. “That’s a new one.”
“Do you like it?” Matthew asks in return, murmuring softly and tracing his fingers over Taerae’s skin. “I like it. Makes this more real.”
“Oh right, this isn’t real, hm?” Taerae hums back, trying his hardest to act. It’s real, what they’re doing, but the feelings involved in everything? Those shouldn’t be real-real.
“Hm, no,” Matthew breathes, carefully biting down on his lower lip, hands pressing on Taerae’s hips, eyes roaming over his face. “It’s not, but pretending is enough. Gets the job done, doesn’t it, baby?”
Fuck, well, yeah. Taerae is weak.
He doesn’t respond to that and decides on diving into this instead; he kisses Matthew, surprising him, while simultaneously grinding down with his hips. That’s exactly what Matthew wants him to do. They’ve done this enough times for Taerae to understand the indirect comments, read Matthew’s eyes and expression and make note of how and where his hands are.
He muffles a low moan with the kiss, smiling when he feels Matthew’s hands tighten on his hips, almost moving with them. He pauses after the first grind, almost pulls away from the other’s lips but still lingers close enough for them to brush together.
The breaths between them are rather hot, almost ragged already, especially Matthew’s. Taerae enjoys that.
He doesn’t say anything, only allows himself to inspect Matthew’s expression for a short moment before kissing him again, slipping his tongue inside and grinding down once more - slower, harder, feeling Matthew trying to push up against him.
They both love this friction too much. It’s disgustingly hot and Taerae will never admit that to anyone else.
He keeps going, eventually gaining a momentum which Matthew meets easily. He uses his hands to guide him almost, even though Taerae is a self-titled expert at this.
That is also why Matthew likes it so much, because Taerae is good at it and he doesn’t shy away about that.
A hand slips inside his shirt and over his back, rubbing up and down before grabbing onto whatever skin available. Matthew’s hand settles on his waist, tugging Taerae impossibly closer, gasping into his mouth as Taerae keeps kissing him. He moves to the jaw, feels the panting against his ear, the nails digging into his skin as Matthew seems to be close again.
Taerae is right there too, he just tends to hide it by kissing Matthew everywhere.
But Matthew knows him too well and is quick to remove one of his hands, slip it inside Taerae’s sweats and boxers, gripping onto him and instantly making his motions come to a halt when he whines pathetically. He lets out a gasp against Matthew’s neck, whimpering when a thumb comes to press right on the tip, and he closes his mouth, bites his lip in an attempt to not make too much noise.
“Come on baby,” Matthew murmurs, the smile almost audible when he talks, his other hand still caressing Taerae’s skin. “Fuck into my hand, jagi, come on, you're so good.”
Taerae doesn’t decline him and does as told, he’s too weak for anything else. Following orders is easy, and orders from Matthew are a dream to follow. Taerae will not be complaining.
So, he does as told, emitting pathetic sounds with every move he makes. He’s really sensitive now, but he also knows Matthew enjoys that a lot.
They end up reaching their climax almost at the same time, which is hot and Taerae might’ve gotten riled up once more if not for how gone he is. He slumps against Matthew, tries to catch his breath and rests his forehead against Matthew’s shoulder.
Whatever tension he’d been struggling with in his body earlier today is gone. Which, ultimately, is the point of doing this.
“I won’t be able to sleep after this,” Matthew whispers, sounding like a wreck. Taerae giggles against him.
“Me neither. Let’s try though, I’m a mess.”
Matthew agrees.
After a few more minutes of regaining some small crumbs of energy, they part ways and Taerae heads back to his room. As if nothing happened.
← . . .
The first time they ended up in this situation, Taerae was terrified.
He can’t explain how it happened either. He’s just always been comfortable with Matthew.
Matthew has always been very open and forward with him - so, it just happened. Kind of.
Taerae doesn’t recall what they had been talking about or what either of the two had brought up for it to lead to this.
Staying late at practice is definitely a regular occurrence, but that they both do it at the same is actually more rare than one would expect. Taerae is usually the one to stay, Matthew works hard during the scheduled hours, Taerae always feels like he’s fallen behind no matter how hard he tries.
The topic of conversation was probably all of that; a conversation Taerae has had with Matthew hundreds of times. Though he tends to repeat himself, Matthew listens carefully each time (much to Taerae’s appreciation).
But that time was also how they ended up expressing tension, stress - Matthew explicitly saying he’s finding it hard to fully relax even at the dorms, no matter how hard he tries.
Not many words had been shared, but they’re good at understanding each other nonetheless. Careful movements, shy looks, that was what it took, really.
They didn’t kiss, barely touched each other that much, but Taerae might’ve let himself slip a hand inside Matthew’s pants, suggesting that he’s good at hand jobs and simply handing Matthew the option.
He’s pretty sure Matthew wasn’t disappointed.
“Did you sleep anything during the flight?”
Matthew is the one asking, sitting on his assigned bed.
To no one’s surprise, they ended up being roommates for the few nights they’re staying here.
The typical hotel room, two beds with white bedding, the window has thick curtains covering it, the lights on the nightstands are dim and the ceiling light is off. There are two white towels on each of the beds. Their suitcases are on the floor, unopened.
The flight was long and it’s already evening. Some of the others wanted to head out to eat dinner, Taerae kindly rejected the offer, Matthew had followed. Yujin had also declined, still looking to be sleeping, so he’s most definitely already asleep again.
Taerae sits on his own bed, facing his friend.
“Nope. I didn’t,” he answers, shrugging lightly. “Guess you didn’t do a good enough job last night, then.”
The reaction is so evident in Matthew’s expression, he really can’t mask anything.
Taerae watches as his friend laughs to himself, leaning his head back as if annoyed, though Taerae is already aware that he actually isn’t. He always does that before preparing something else to say.
“So you’re not giving me any credit for making you come like, what? Five times?”
Oh. Well.
Bold. Taerae stares at him, painfully aware that he's already feeling his cheeks heating up at the sudden comment.
He tries to say something, usually decently good at coming up with quick responses to catch anyone else off guard. Matthew wins him over this time though, because nothing comes out, and Taerae can only look away, suppressing a smile at the reminder.
“I have good stamina, what can I say,” is the pathetic response Taerae eventually comes up with. “You also had all night, it’s not like you made me do all of that in an hour, and-”
“Wanna try and beat that then?”
Taerae looks back at Matthew with widened eyes, stumbling on thoughts and words and actions when he sees Matthew smirking at him, his posture too relaxed and he looks too good. Leaning back with his hands, legs somewhat spread, that stupid (hot) look to his eyes.
“I…” Taerae clears his throat. “Beat? What?”
He watches as Matthew stands up from his bed, walks the few steps it takes for him to reach Taerae’s side, stopping in front of him.
“Five times. Or an hour. What do you say?”
Looking up at Matthew like this is actually insane. Taerae is too warm and overwhelmed and finds himself having to take a deep breath. Or two.
Because Matthew isn’t taller than him, but he’s towering over him now; hot and attractive and fucking insane, and Taerae will combust.
“Please.”
Matthew smiles. “Good.”
Then he takes a look at his own bed, back to Taerae’s, narrows his eyes before connecting their eyes once more.
“So, who’s bed do we sacrifice? You are very messy, you know-”
Taerae is fighting for his life when he grabs the collar of Matthew’s shirt, pulls him down and kisses him. It’s no surprise when Matthew kisses back, his palms coming to rest on his thighs, moving them up and down as he presses down.
The kisses grow deeper and hungrier. Only when Taerae finds himself whimpering do they part, catching their breath.
“Mine,” he pants, feeling Matthew’s hands now pressing against his hip bones. He knows Matthew wants to push him up properly on the bed, so he makes the decision. “We’ll sacrifice mine, just, please-”
Matthew cuts him off by returning to kissing him, his hands slip down to Taerae’s thighs and lifts him up, putting him down on his back higher up on the bed with his head landing on the pillow.
“Guess you’ll have to sleep next to me then,” Matthew mumbles against him, before proceeding with trailing kisses over his jaw, to his ear, down his neck. Slowly. Very gentle. Taking his dear time.
“Wouldn’t mind…” Taerae breathes, sighing when a hand slips inside his shirt, lips nibbling on his skin and feeling Matthew’s body caging his own.
“Good,” Matthew hums, using his other hand to slide Taerae’s shirt up to his collarbones. He starts trailing kisses down his chest, and doesn't forget to pay attention to the nipples. They can only pray that the hotel has thick walls, because Taerae whines loudly, whimpering at the sensitivity. He knows Matthew’s having fun; venturing down in sensitive areas, grazing lips and teeth and fingertips everywhere.
Eventually, he travels back up, kisses the corner of Taerae’s mouth and puts his body weight down on him.
They’re both hard. Taerae lets out a gasp at the touch, pleased when Matthew does the same.
“Do you want me to fuck you today? We haven’t done that in a while.”
Taerae has to force himself not to moan at the mere implication. He’s already gone for, dear lord.
“Please?”
Matthew kisses him again, lingers for a bit, grinds down once, muffling the whine escaping through Taerae’s mouth at the motion.
Barely parted, breaths definitely mingling together, Matthew grinds down once more. Taerae moans, shuts his eyes tightly. It’s too much - too much in the best way possible.
But, he can’t help but ask, “You- you did bring condoms though, right?”
Matthew’s gentle laugh in return is answer enough. “Yes, of course I did.”
All good.
Taerae kisses him again.
← . . .
The second time it happens, they kiss for the first time.
Just for the plot, as Matthew had said, which Taerae doesn’t understand till this day. Kissing is nice though, and definitely adds to it all. Taerae likes kissing, he likes Matthew = he likes kissing Matthew.
He’ll also have to explain himself - he likes Matthew as a friend. Whatever they’ve been developing recently is nothing else but ways of relieving stress. That’s what Taerae (firmly) believes.
The second time, they’re at home, in Matthew’s room.
Taerae wishes he knew the reason why they got into it that time. Perhaps they were in the mood for it without voicing it.
Maybe it was the calm, welcoming atmosphere, the dim lighting of the room, sitting close on Matthew’s bed and just having their typical, semi-deep conversations. It’s possible that they had been talking about the upcoming schedules that were (are) insanely hectic, which lead to one thing which in turn lead to kissing.
What they said or initiated or even asked is almost completely gone from Taerae’s memory. They talked, he thinks they joked about easing the tension since it worked last time, and then after Matthew said that kissing for the ‘plot’ is worth a try, they were doing that: kissing.
As friends, of course. It adds to it. For the plot. For themselves?
Taerae ignores that.
← . . .
The third time, after which Taerae decided to stop counting, it was solely because of stress and arguments with other members and a horrible headache forming.
Taerae is not confrontational, but he’s been terribly stressed, much like everyone else, and when Hanbin comments on details regarding his dancing, he falls over the edge. Unnecessary, unintentional, but he doesn’t stop himself.
It’s a regular thing; Taerae needs the most time, needs the most feedback. On any other day, he’s fine with it, he appreciates every word and reminder of detail, but something was off that day.
They were also practicing after their scheduled practice was over. The extra hours were needed, everyone knew that, but Taerae has his days. Much like everyone else.
So he lashed out, maybe spoke too loudly, said a few words he actually didn’t mean.
Hanbin is the same, so he responded in the same way. That was their downfall. It wasn’t horrible, nor was it lengthy - a maximum of two minutes, with nonsense being said.
Neither of the two apologised.
Then it became too much for Taerae and he went to Matthew’s, perhaps he shed a tear or two.
“Just talk it out with Hanbin-hyung tomorrow. It’s okay.”
Because Matthew is great with his words, rarely overthinks to the extent that Taerae does, and is the one who knows Taerae the best, after all.
“I’m still so fucking tense,” Taerae had whined, groaning to himself and laying down on Matthew’s bed in frustration, shutting his eyes and running his fingers through his hair. “Why did I even get so angry? I’m just on edge.”
Matthew had stayed silent for a moment, which Taerae initially didn’t think too much of, but then a body laid down next to him.
Close enough for them to touch, even if Matthew’s bed isn’t that small.
Matthew had sighed, so Taerae simply opened his eyes and looked at him.
Their eyes met, but it wasn’t indicating anything. Their eye contact is something though, Taerae has never been able to put his words on it.
After another moment of silence, Matthew turned to lay on his side, pushing himself with his arm, pursing his lips for a second before exhaling.
“Want me to help you feel less tense?”
Well, shit?
Obviously.
Taerae is pretty sure that the other members don’t have a clue at all about the shenanigans he and Matthew have going on sometimes.
He would like to believe as much, at least.
But it just so happens that no one even bats an eye when the two of them are bickering during practice, and when Matthew keeps on bothering him, Taerae doesn’t have the energy.
“Oh my god, Matt, please, shut up,” he whines, dragging his hands across his face in despair. It’s for the act, but also because he might be developing a headache.
Matthew just laughs, leaning into him even more where they’re sitting on the floor, backs resting against the wall.
“No, why?” He nudges Taerae, smiling knowingly.
“Fuck you,” Taerae mumbles then, loud enough for everyone else to hear, but all of them joke around like this so that specific wording doesn’t make anyone react.
“Oh yeah, sure, when?”
This is what makes Taerae give his friend a look; widened eyes, eyebrows raised high on his forehead and inhaling sharply through his nose.
He’s expecting at least one of the other seven to comment on it, even as a joke, but no one does. Most of them are on their phones, definitely hearing any conversation in the room.
As if Matthew notices the sudden panic on Taerae’s face, he simply laughs again and puts more of his weight onto him, throws an arm over Taerae’s stomach and rests his head against his shoulder.
Why Taerae feels surprised that no one even glances at them, he doesn’t know. Not even Hanbin who’s standing diagonally in front of them, next to Yujin who’s probably asked about some random dance move.
Do they act like this on a daily basis? No, that can’t be it, Taerae is sure they don’t. They tend to keep this to themselves, because no one else needs to know what they’re doing. Taerae can’t tell whether any of the others would actually care, but it would definitely be a way to shock them.
But no one comments on Matthew’s suggestive wording or how he wiggles his brows, nor does anyone comment on how cuddly Matthew seems to be, especially when Taerae claims to be the opposite. He rarely shows physical affection like this to anyone else, and would certainly be complaining if anyone else were to lean against him like this.
They all know that. Maybe they think Matthew is the exception.
Which he is, whether Taerae would like to admit that or not. Matthew is the exception for a lot of things.
For the others, it might be the following: physical touch, deep talks, showing raw emotions.
While those still apply, Taerae is embarrassed to admit to everything else on his mind.
He mourns the loss of warmth once their short break is over and Matthew is quick to stand up, the (unserious) implication of whatever they had been bickering about also vanishing and Taerae hates the tiny sting he feels in his chest.
It’s not a big deal.