Chapter Text
In a world where pain and sacrifice are expected as the norm, lies a clan where tears and power go hand in hand. In a universe where love and hate are two sides of the same coin. The Uchiha clan is a constant experiment of how far you can push people until they crack.
The Uchiha bloodline carries two heavy burdens. The curse of the Sharingan and emotions stronger than any other clan. They love and grieve stronger than anyone. The widespread teaching for all ninjas is to hide all emotions.
For a family like the Uchiha’s, the storm in a bottle can only grow so big before it explodes. Itachi Uchiha was no exception to these expectations, for he loved more than most Uchiha. He loved his village, he loved his clan, but most of all he loved his baby brother.
It was a dark black night sky with only the moonlit raindrops lighting the world around them. In a small cold cave hidden behind trees and moss were two figures in black cloaks. The campfire was long burnt out, with no luxury of a home-cooked meal or a warm blanket. One of the men was fast asleep, the other staring at the stars. Sometimes when he stared, he felt like someone was staring back.
Itachi can’t remember the last time he slept in a warm bed, nor can he remember the last time he awoke well rested. Deep eyebags became a staple of his appearance long before his prime. He used to ask when they got there, but now he can’t even remember a time when they weren’t. But he’s fine with that. He’s gotten used to the tired ache anyway.
It’s nights like these when his thoughts begin to race. Thoughts reminding him of all the people he hurt for the greater good, but could anything be truly good if people still got hurt? Doubt starts to eat him alive.
How old was he when the 9-tails attacked? Five years old. How old was he when he joined the ANBU? Eleven. How old was he when he killed everyone he loved? Just thirteen years old. Thirteen. People always look at him differently when they find this out. He never quite understood why they did this, though he knew he was young. It’s not like he felt any younger then than he does today.
He matured faster than most kids. In fact, he stopped considering himself a kid long before the massacre. To become so familiar with death and war so young changes the way a person is. Itachi knows this well. That is why he did what he did. He didn’t want the Uchiha clan to hurt his village. He didn’t want to see the innocents die again, but he also didn’t want the Uchiha to be feared. Though his first priority was that he wanted his younger brother Sasuke to grow up. He wanted him to become a strong and capable shinobi, free from the burden of war.
Recently, he had an encounter with Sasuke where he had attempted to kill him. He was fine with this, in fact, he wanted this to happen. The hate he saw in Sasuke’s eyes was just as he planned. Maybe if he focused all that hate onto him, then maybe he would find happiness in the rest of the world. Right now Sasuke isn’t strong enough, but he has grown from the young kid he once was. Deep down a part of him wanted to tell Sasuke how proud he was.
Sasuke’s hate and rage are a part of his plan, but it all feels so wrong. Sasuke will never know how much he loves him, but he has fully convinced himself that he is okay with that. Recently the doubt inside him has been cycling through his mind.< His heavy eyes finally began to rest, with his tense body slowly relaxing, or at least as much as he would allow himself. That was until a loud groaning came from the man across from him. It was quiet for a few moments. For most people it is a good sign, but Itachi knows when Kisame stops snoring it means trouble.
The sharklike man grumbles, sits up, and turns directly towards Itachi. Though Itachi didn’t outright dislike the company of the older man, he wasn’t too fond of his wake-up-at-2am-and-bother-Itachi routine. Itachi would never say he trusted Kisame, because trust is a luxury shinobi aren’t allowed to have. Despite this, they have a strong mutual respect for each other and their abilities. Though, Itachi is fairly certain that Kisame is aware his loyalty to the Akatsuki is minimal.
Itachi purposely slows his breathing and chakra system, hoping Kisame wouldn’t notice he was awake. He was finally about to fall asleep before the movement triggered him to be on edge. Now he’s unsure whether he’ll get any rest that night.
“I know you’re awake, Itachi-san.” The loud, gruff, and tired voice breaks the silence Itachi was avoiding. Itachi promptly opened his empty eyes and sat up.
“I’ll never understand what goes through that little head of yours.” Kisame continued with a snicker, and only his silhouette is visible at this time of night. He showed little concern but instead annoyance. His hair was still messy from how he was resting, but his loose posture and vigilant stare made him seem wide awake.
He was right that he would never understand what goes on in Itachi’s head. Itachi would never let him or anyone else know the burden he carries. The guilt is his and his only, because nobody else should have to feel what he feels. Besides, he put himself into the mess. Nobody else should have to pull him out.
“You don’t have to talk, but you could at least not glare.” Kisame insisted. He has now stood up and moved to a spot next to Itachi. He dragged Samehada with him and set it down between them. Itachi didn’t even know he was glaring. To him, he was just thinking with his face towards Kisame.
“I wasn’t intending the glare at you.” Itachi’s quieter voice responded. He shifted so Kisame could sit next to him. Subtle, but from Itachi it means a lot. There is an awkward silence for a few moments.
“Oh yeah? You know, staying up like this isn’t going to help those big bags under your eyes.” Kisame comments while touching under his own eyes in a mimicking way, “A wise man like you knows he shouldn’t work himself into the ground.”
Itachi thought for a moment. He wasn’t working himself to the ground. This is normal for him, and he knows he is fine with that. Because what would Itachi Uchiha be if he wasn’t fine? It’s his life anyway. Even if he wasn’t okay, his needs still aren’t as important as others. They have lives to look up to, and he already knows how his will end.
“I’m fine, Kisame-san.” Itachi responded quickly. His words were carefully measured, sure to prevent any suspicion from Kisame. Though the tremor in his hands isn’t working for his side. But the next thing he needs is someone else’s false worry. Kisame’s eyes narrow towards Itachi’s sagged posture.
“You look like a fish out of water, Itachi-san. You know Samehada and I can sense your chakra, why lie?” Kisame glared at him with frustration. He was well aware of just how exhausted Itachi was. It doesn’t take a genius to see his slumped shoulders and occasional tremors. Why is he so set on pretending all the time?
His lips move to talk, but they don’t make sounds, his body is too exhausted to speak. He shifts away from Kisame and leans back again, closing his eyes. When Itachi’s head hits the rock, there is no sound.
He’s still tense, holding his body’s weight up. For a moment, everything goes silent. That is until Kisame stands up and walks back towards the space he previously rested in.
Kisame doesn’t talk yet. He understands there’s no point in pestering Itachi right now. This isn’t the first time this has happened, and it definitely isn’t the last.
Itachi’s sleep schedule has never been good, but Kisame always assumed it was the result of strict training or stress. It was never something complained about, though, and Kisame appreciated that. Kisame sits down, but his gaze never leaves Itachi.
“That kid brother of yours really hates you. You’re not going to let him become a problem, are you?” He asked, “He seems like a nuisance.”
Glaring at the younger man who is pretending to sleep. Kisame scowls and continues to speak. His voice grew more frustrated and gruff.
“I’m serious, Itachi-san. You should’ve told me you had a brother.” He continues to complain to Itachi, “That little shrimp seems like a disaster waiting to happen.”
Itachi tenses and quickly sits up. He doesn’t know anything. This is his plan! Kisame doesn't get to talk about Sasuke like that. His Sharingan activates when he looks towards Kisame. The situation immediately became tense.
“Don’t judge what you don’t know, Kisame.” He hissed coldly. Freezing and looking away, Kisame immediately knew to back off. The red Sharingan eyes fade back to an empty black. Nobody gets to hurt Sasuke, nobody. He will die on that hill.
“Jeez, a soft spot for the little guppy?” He probes at Itachi. The cold-hearted, clan-killing, child prodigy has a soft spot. Who would’ve guessed? Definitely not Kisame.
“Drop it.” Itachi snapped.