Chapter Text
“There are a hundred different ways that I could convince you to be with me right now, but I’m not going to do that. Nothing good happens when it’s forced,” Noah tells Joanne in the midst of their breakup.
He decides to make a list of a hundred reasons why they belong together, planning to give it to her as a wedding present.
~1~
We are soulmates.
The drive home from Morgan’s party is mostly silent, their heads both filled with angst from the evening. They keep sneaking side glances at each other as he drives, and he reaches across the console for her hand, gently running his thumb over the back of her palm reassuringly. She shifts nervously in her seat and his heart plummets in his chest. He knows he royally screwed things up tonight.
“Please tell me what you’re thinking,” he prompts, his eyes still on the road.
She exhales, “I don’t know, my head is a mess,” she answers honestly.
“I meant everything I said,” he insists. “I want a future with you. I want everything with you.”
“I believe you,” she replies. “I guess I’m just having a hard time understanding what took you so long. You said before that you wanted a future with me.”
“I do,” he promises. “I always have. I just freaked out because Sasha and Esther are getting separated, and they’ve always been so solid to me. I was afraid if we forced things and never resolved the issue of conversion, that we’d eventually grow to resent each other.”
“I can’t imagine ever resenting you,” she says. “I love you too much.”
“You say that now,” he responds. “But we’ve only just begun our lives together. What if you hate being the wife of a rabbi?”
“I’m not going to be perfect. I know that for sure. But I want to try,” she responds. “Because I want to be with you.”
He pulls into his driveway and rushes to her side of the car to open her door for her. He holds out his hand to her and releases a breath when she accepts it. He walks with her to the front door and unlocks it. She kicks off her heels, grimacing in pain as her bare feet touch the cool floor. He watches her, unsure of what to say.
“I meant what I said. Nothing else matters to me. I don’t want you to change for me. Just keep being you. I don’t care what people think,” his eyes flash with intensity and passion, and she smiles.
“Yes, you do,” she takes a step toward him. “It comes with the job, I get that. I just wanted you to be with me, Noah. I wanted you to say I was more important than what other people think of me, of us. That you believe in me.”
“I do. We will find a way, together. Because nothing else matters to me anymore,” his voice drops, and he threads his fingers through her hair, his other hand resting on her hip. “You’re stunning in this dress,” he murmurs into her ear, and she shivers in response as his lips move to her neck. He takes her palm and presses it to his chest, right over his heart. “Can you feel that?” he asks, his heart pounding under her touch.
She nods, taking his hand and placing it over her heart, their heart beats keeping time with each other. “Soulmates,” he says. “We belong together, and you know it.”
“Soulmates,” she echoes, and he kisses her. Her dress hits the floor moments later, followed by his clothes. They barely make it up the stairs to the bedroom.
~2~
My favorite thing is to spend the day in bed with you.
She wakes in the morning to find his side of the bed empty. Frowning, she picks up his discarded t-shirt from the floor and pulls on a pair of clean underwear before padding down the steps in search of him. She finds him in the kitchen pouring coffee into mugs and spreading cream cheese on bagels that he has arranged on a tray.
“I was making you breakfast in bed,” he explains when he sees her. He walks over to her and gives her a lingering kiss before returning to the tray. “Go back to bed. I’ll bring this up.”
She smiles and ascends the stairs before tucking herself into bed. He arrives moments later with the tray, handing it to her before climbing into bed beside her. “I thought we could spend the day in bed together.”
“Like we did when we first got together,” she finishes his sentence, and he smiles.
“I thought about that last night after I left the party,” he says solemnly, referring to his walk around the city after he broke up with her. “I kept thinking about how I never wanted to let you go, even to go to work. How everything in me always tells me to stay with you.”
She smiles, her face flushing at his words. “I kept thinking about our first kiss,” she admits.
“Me too,” he agrees.
“It was the best kiss of my entire life, at least up until last night,” she reveals.
“Absolutely,” he nods. “I wanted to kiss you so badly from the moment we met,” he says before taking a bite of his bagel.
“You did?” she asks.
“Yes,” he confesses. “I almost did when we got to your car, but I was afraid it was too forward.”
“I would have kissed you back,” she smiles at him.
He leans over and kisses her right then before leaning his forehead against hers. “Making up for lost time,” he grins. He looks at her, all signs of teasing gone from his face. “I knew it then and I know it now, that I never want to kiss anyone else but you.”
“Noah,” she breathes softly, her eyes darting back and forth between his before closing the distance between them once again.
~3~
You are more important to me than being a rabbi.
He sighs heavily as he stares at his laptop, and she pauses Love is Blind to look at him. “If you hate it, you should quit,” she tells him.
“It’s not that I hate it,” he responds. “It’s just that it doesn’t feel right to me.”
She’s quiet for a beat before she says. “You know I was really excited when you told me how progressive they are at Ahavah, because I thought maybe it would take the pressure off me. You said Neil was married to a non-Jew and it was no big deal. And then when you said you weren’t happy, I didn’t know what to think.”
“My beliefs and the way I want to help my community and the people I serve are just more traditional than what they do at Ahavah, that’s all,” he replies. “I like that they’d be more accepting of you. That’s always been a reason to stay for me.”
“But it’s not your dream job. You already lost that because of me,” she bites the tip of her thumbnail.
“I lost that because I wasn’t open with Cohen about you from the beginning, and because I was afraid to stand up for myself about how I was feeling,” he responds. “And because Big Noah is a douche.”
She laughs, “No argument there.”
He closes his laptop and turns his body toward hers. “I have never, not for one moment, blamed you for that. That was my decision. I knew what was at stake. And I want to find a Temple that will accept both of us for who we are, no judgment.”
“Do you think that place exists?” she wonders.
“I hope so,” he replies.
She pushes his laptop aside and straddles his lap, her palms pressed against his chest. He looks up at her. “I just want you to be able to do what you love,” she tells him.
“I already do,” he responds quietly before sliding his hands under her top and pulling it over her head. She giggles as he flips them over, his body covering hers.
~4~
You make me feel alive.
“Joanne?” he calls as he enters the house. She doesn’t respond but he knows she’s home because her car is parked out front. He kicks off his shoes, puts down his bag, and heads up the stairs. He’s halfway up when he hears her singing. Her back is to him when he enters the bedroom and she’s animatedly dancing and singing along to something playing on her AirPods. She moves her hips enticingly to the music, clad only in a pair of black boy shorts and a tight fitting t-shirt.
He stands transfixed until she spins around and spots him watching her, no trace of embarrassment on her face as she sashays over to him and takes him by the hand, pulling him along with her as she dances and twirls. She reaches over to her nightstand and grabs her phone, switching the audio settings so the music fills the room. Soon he’s laughing and singing along with her. Badly, he might add.
He can’t remember a time when he did this, usually so self-conscious and reserved about these things. She wraps her arms around his waist, standing on her tip toes to kiss him in greeting.
“Hey, you,” she says affectionately. “How was your day?”
“It’s better now that I’m with you,” he responds easily.
She smiles, swaying a little to the music. “I was just about to get into the shower, want to join me?”
He nods, pressing his mouth to hers, his tongue seeking entrance into her mouth. She lets out a soft whimper, and he smiles into the kiss.
“You made that sound that first night we were together,” he murmurs between kisses. “And I knew I was done for.”
“It was that and my amazing dance moves,” she quips, and he’s laughing. He picks her up and carries her toward the bathroom, the mewling sounds from the back of her throat continuing. He grins onto her lips.
“You’re killing me here,” he tells her.
“But what a way to go,” she counters as the bathroom door closes behind them.
~5~
I want you more than I’ve ever wanted anyone.
Her cries of pleasure echo off the tile walls of the shower as he tastes her, her hands threaded in his hair. She begins to tremble, tugging slightly on his roots as she tries to signal to him what she needs. He glances up at her, the shower spray cascading over her perfect curves, her head thrown back in ecstasy, her skin smooth and flawless, and he can’t wait another second. He stands and picks her up, wrapping her legs around his waist as he pushes her into the tile wall before thrusting into her in one fluid motion.
“Noah,” she moans, the sound of his name on her lips only spurring him on further as he pulls out of her fully before sheathing himself within her once more. “Oh my God, Noah!” she cries again.
“Fuck,” he grits out, trembling from the effort of holding her against the wall and trying to control himself. She digs her heels into his back, trying to slow his pace.
“Look at me,” she prompts before giving him a long, slow kiss. He moans into her mouth, trying to move within her, but she grips him tightly with her legs.
“Jo,” he pleads.
“Turn off the water,” she orders, and he turns them so he can reach the handle. He knows they need to dry off, but he can’t wait that long. He opens the glass door and steps out of the shower before setting her on the edge of the counter, their bodies still joined. He leans his forehead against hers, breathing deeply before he begins to move within her again. “It’s ok,” she says as if she can read his mind, and he doesn’t hold back anymore, driving in and out of her deeply, all self-control gone.
He feels her body begin to spasm around him as she orgasms and she cries out in pleasure, the sound of it triggering his own. He kisses her again before grabbing her towel and wrapping it around her.
She smiles at him, still breathless. “That was amazing,” she tells him.
“It always is,” he replies, kissing her again before pulling his own towel around his waist. He watches her as she dries herself, bending to reach her calves and feet, her fit body on full display for him.
“Hey!” she teases, catching him staring. “You know you can look and touch.”
“Yeah?” he asks, his eyes sparkling in amusement as he looks at her.
She takes a step toward him and tugs at his towel, letting it slip to the floor before she stands on her tip-toes and kisses him deeply, her hands gliding over the taut muscles of his back. His body immediately responds to her touch. His lips descend to her neck as he walks her backward toward the bed. She wraps her arms around his neck, pulling him onto the bed with her and he rolls them until they’re facing each other.
“I can never get enough of you,” he tells her, his voice soft.
“Good,” she replies, pushing him onto his back before straddling his hips, his body aching for her once more.
~6~
We match each other’s vibes.
She looks at him across the dinner table, and he gives her a knowing half-smile before looking away. Morgan is on her third date with Paul and wants to know what Joanne and Noah think of him. Paul is rambling on about his job as an insurance salesman, and Joanne has to stifle a yawn.
“So did you two plan to match tonight?” Paul asks, pointing between Joanne and Morgan. When they look at him blankly, he adds, “Because you’re both wearing black.”
“Um, no,” Morgan answers, waving away the comment.
The breadbasket arrives and Paul reaches for it first, grabbing the largest roll from the bottom of the basket and spilling several onto the table in the process. He doesn’t pass the basket, instead plopping it back down on the table with a resounding thud. Noah reaches for it and hands it to Joanne, who grimaces before passing it to Morgan. Paul rips the roll in half and begins picking out the center of it, placing the shredded pieces of bread on the tablecloth.
Noah clears his throat, “So Paul, how did you and Morgan meet?”
“Oh, funny story,” Paul says with his mouth full of bread. “It was actually at this wedding expo she was at with her friend. We were at this catering stand. Did you know they can write out the names of the bride and groom in bread?” He looks around the table excitedly.
“As in they arrange dinner rolls to spell out the names?” Noah asks with a straight face.
Joanne covers a laugh by grabbing her wine glass and taking a sip, forcing herself to swallow before asking, “Or they bake entire loaves in the shape of them?”
Noah looks at her as if this is a totally reasonable question, while Morgan scowls, crossing her arms over her chest. Paul, completely oblivious, responds, “They arrange dinner rolls and other types of bread, but how cool is that?”
“Very cool,” Joanne smiles, her eyes dancing in amusement.
When Paul launches into yet another insurance story, Noah suddenly reaches into his pocket for his phone. He glances at it and frowns. “Sorry, it’s work. A rabbi is always on call, you know? Excuse me for a moment.” He walks away from the table behind Morgan and Paul and shoots Joanne a pointed look.
She plays it cool until he returns and says, “I’m so sorry, but Joanne and I are going to have to head out now. I’m needed at the temple.” They say their goodbyes and practically run out of the restaurant hand in hand.
“Oh my God thank you I was dying in there,” she tells him as they get into his car.
“I know me too,” he responds as he starts the engine. “He practically murdered that poor roll.”
“And then left the evidence on the table!” she laughs. “Guess that roll isn’t going to be used to spell out anyone’s names at their wedding.”
He bursts into laughter, “I had to bite my tongue to keep from laughing!”
“Me too,” she laughs. “I mean who thinks that’s actually a good idea?”
“Paul, apparently,” he shakes his head.
“Remind me never to talk to anyone in insurance again,” she says.
“Done,” he replies.
~7~
I can be totally honest with you, even when it’s hard.
He’s quiet on the drive home from the party, his eyes staring blankly at the road while she talks about her mother’s latest antics. When he doesn’t respond to something she’s said, she studies him.
“What’s wrong?” she asks.
He turns into his driveway and parks. “It’s nothing,” he says.
“It’s clearly not nothing,” she points out. “You haven’t said a word in an hour.”
“I didn’t realize you noticed,” he responds bitterly.
They enter the house and kick off their shoes. She follows him into the kitchen. “Noah, please talk to me,” she prompts.
“It’s just that sometimes when you’re with Morgan, you’re different.”
“Different how?” she asks.
“I don’t know,” he mutters. “It’s almost like you’re afraid of being an adult around her. And then with me you’re sweet, and vulnerable, and…better.”
“Maybe that’s because you bring out the best in me,” she responds.
“You’re not mad?” he asks.
“No,” she responds. “Morgan can be a lot, and when I’m with her I get pulled into her nonsense. I’m sorry.”
“I’m sorry I’m so judgmental. I didn’t like the way you messed with that guy’s drink even though all he did was ask Morgan to dance. I know he wasn’t as stereotypically physically attractive as she is, but he could be a really great guy. She didn’t even give him a chance.”
“You’re right,” she responds. “Maybe she and I are the judgmental ones, and you’re just a better person.”
“I’m not,” he shakes his head. “I just don’t think she knows the real you sometimes. Like you’re still hiding parts of yourself from her.”
“Maybe I am,” Joanne admits. “It’s always been her and I against the world and meeting you changed that for me. I think she feels left out.”
“I get that,” he sits beside her on the couch. “Look, she’s your sister, and I would never want to come between you two. I only want you to be happy.”
“I know,” she whispers, leaning forward to kiss him.
~8~
When I move, you move (just like that).
He sits at his desk in his office at the temple, thinking about his last marriage counseling session with Gabe. He is starting to think that he gets as much from the sessions as Gabe does. Today they talked about the importance of open and honest communication within a marriage, and how that seems to be the breakdown between Gabe and Abby. Gabe admitted that he tried with Abby, but that she did not handle any type of negativity in their relationship, seeing it as a personal attack on her. And over time, Gabe stopped trying to talk to her about anything real.
Noah’s thoughts shift to Joanne, as they always do. He reflects on their conversation last night about Morgan, and how she was so open to what he had to say. She didn’t get upset or take it personally, she simply understood. He picks up his phone to send her a text message to let her know he’s thinking about her, when his phone vibrates in his palm with a message from her.
He smiles as he reads her text.
Hope you’re having a great day. I love you.
He quickly types out his reply.
I was just thinking about you. I love you too.
He leans back in his desk chair, thinking about the countless times he’s gone to text or call her only to have her do it first, his call sometimes going straight to voicemail when she tries to call him at the exact same moment. He’s never been so in sync with another person.
He begins working on his next sermon until the lunch hour approaches. He sighs, knowing he has a late appointment with another couple, meaning he won’t be able to see her until this evening. He grabs his coat, determined to run home to surprise her for lunch. He flings his office door open and she’s standing just outside, holding a takeout bag of food in one hand and a cardboard tray of drinks in the other.
“I missed you and decided to surprise you for lunch,” she says, giving him a quick peck on the lips as she slides past him and moves to put the food on his desk. She’s rummaging through the bag and setting up their lunch when she feels his hands on her shoulders. He spins her around and his mouth is on hers before she realizes what is happening.
“Noah,” she murmurs against his lips, her question unformed as she eagerly kisses him back. “Mmm,” she hums in approval.
He breaks the kiss, still holding her close against his body. “I was just on my way to surprise you,” he tells her.
“I know what my man wants,” she quips.
“Hell yeah you do,” he responds, giving her another kiss before he sits down with her to eat.
~9~
You remember the small details that let me know you care.
She jumps up and down with childlike excitement as she holds the hotel key card up to the door. It opens with a satisfying click, and he ushers her inside, flipping on the lights in the process. She gasps as she takes in the layout of the room, immediately heading for the closet. The doors slide open and she claps her hands over her mouth.
“Noah! There are two robes in here!” she exclaims happily.
“Of course there are, I made sure of it,” he responds.
She rushes over to him and throws her arms around him. “Thank you,” she whispers before kissing him. “But it’s your birthday weekend and this is supposed to be all about you.”
“It’s our first time staying in a hotel together, I wanted it to be special,” he explains.
She smiles at him. “Are you ready for your present yet?” she asks.
“Hit me,” he responds.
She opens her suitcase and pulls out a small, wrapped package and a card and hands it to him.
“You wrote me a card,” he says affectionately.
“Something for your card drawer,” she replies, nervously fidgeting as he reads it.
“I love it, thank you,” he tells her as he gives her a quick kiss before picking up the gift. He tears off the paper to reveal a small oblong box. He removes the lid and inside is a watch. His jaw drops slightly. “You remembered,” he says reverently as he carefully removes the watch and holds it up into the light.
“You said your grandfather had a watch just like this one when we were walking past that antique store. I had it engraved,” she explains. He turns it over to read the inscription.
‘Forever yours, Jo’
He looks at her, his eyes shining with emotion. “That was months ago,” he says.
She shrugs as if it’s no big deal, “I figured now you can carry a part of him around wherever you go.”
He locks eyes with her, and before she can process what is happening, he is kneeling in front of her.
“Noah?” she whispers.
“I had this all planned out, but I can’t wait any longer,” he says. “You’re the only one for me. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Will you marry me?”
He reaches into his pocket and takes out a velvet box, opening it to reveal a sparkling engagement ring.
“Yes!” she exclaims happily as he takes the ring out of the box and slides it onto her finger.
~10~
Because just when I think I know everything about you, you take my breath away.
Since the night they met, he’d been listening to her podcast from the beginning. He wanted to know everything about her, even if listening to her talk about her past relationships isn’t his favorite subject. She’s slightly embarrassed when he tells her he’s listening to the old episodes, but she doesn’t discourage him.
She mentions someone named Kyle a few times on the podcast, and it seems they had an on-again off-again relationship. From what Joanne says about him, he was her go-to whenever she was lonely. He grits his teeth whenever Kyle’s name is mentioned on the podcast.
He and Joanne are hanging out at a bar with Sasha, Morgan, Ryann, and Ashley one night when a man approaches Joanne.
“Hey babe,” he says, and Noah’s head snaps to attention as the man approaches his fiancée and gives her a hug.
“Oh, hey Kyle,” Joanne replies, and Noah’s stomach clenches. “You know Morgan already,” Joanne says, “And this is Sasha, Ryann, and Ashley, and my fiancé Noah.”
“Fiancé?” Kyle asks. “Well, that explains why I haven’t heard from you in a while. Not for lack of trying, though.” He turns to Noah, elbowing him in the side, “This girl is fire, am I right?”
“Ugh Kyle, stop being a douche,” Joanne says, rolling her eyes at him.
“What? It’s a compliment,” Kyle keeps going, oblivious to the tension. “I mean, she’s a wild woman in the sack. Never had better.” He leans in closer to Joanne, “Call me if things don’t work out with this one, ok?” he says, gesturing to Noah.
Before anyone can react, he leaves. Joanne laughs awkwardly, shooting sideways glances at Noah. “What a jackass,” she deflects. “So, Sasha, how are your jujitsu classes going?” she asks, trying to change the subject.
Sasha happily launches into a story about his last competition, and soon has the entire group laughing. Noah doesn’t say much for the rest of the evening, and after they drop Ashley off at her house, Joanne looks at him. “You want to tell me what’s going on with you tonight?”
“That guy Kyle really pissed me off,” he admits quietly.
“Kyle is an asshole, always has been,” she responds.
They get out of the car and enter the house. “If he was an asshole, then why were you with him?” he asks.
“I wasn’t with him, Noah. We were fuck buddies, for lack of a better description. He means nothing to me,” she defends.
He sits on the couch and rubs his hands over his face. “I’ve heard all your podcasts, and you mention him a lot.”
“Noah, you were with Rebecca for three years. You almost married her. We were both with people before we met. And of all the guys I was with before, Kyle is the one who bugs you? I don’t get it,” she moves to sit beside him.
He turns to look at her, “It’s because of the way you talk about him. Like the reason you kept going back to him was because he was great in bed. If I’m being totally honest, I guess I’m a little insecure about it. That maybe it was better for you with him.”
Her expression softens, and she takes his hand in hers. “Before I met you, I didn’t feel a deep connection to anyone. And sometimes, when I was between relationships, I just wanted someone familiar. Someone I knew would treat me right and thought of me as a good lay, even when I didn’t feel like I was good for anything else. But ever since you tried to open that bottle of wine for me, I haven’t wanted anyone but you. Do you really think he matters to me?”
“No, I don’t,” he says, finally smiling.
“Good,” she responds firmly. “Because I am fire, Noah. And lucky for you, I’m all yours.”
He laughs, pulling her onto his lap. “Thank God for that,” he whispers, before pressing his lips to hers.