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"So tell me, da'fen; do you want to punish those who have wronged you?"
Azzurra stared into the damned fish tank, Elgar'nan's words echoing around her mind on repeat as if he were still in there. Which was ridiculous. The only god in her head was Solas, and she was sure if Elgar'nan got sucked into that prison with him, she wouldn't be hearing the end of it.
"I could give you the strength to do what you must. The desire is already there. All you need is a push."
Her hands balled into fists, so slowly she barely noticed; nails bit into her palms, little pin-pricks of sensation. Not hard enough to make her wince, and barely hard enough to ground herself. Her right leg bounced, up and down, up and down.
The fish swam in their tank, an eel slithering along and chasing a redfin.
She didn't want that. She didn't.
"Blades and poisons are nothing compared to what I could give you. Command of death. Or, perhaps what you really want."
She was shaking. The eel snapped the redfin's tail into its mouth. Thrashed its head back and forth. The redfin fought. She couldn't breathe.
"I could give you freedom, da'fen. All you have to do is submit to my will."
"No," She said aloud, her voice a quiet tremble. Then, louder, more firm, "No." Shooting to her feet, she began pacing the length of the meditation room, her movements tense and agitated.
She didn't want that. She didn't want-
"You've imagined it, little wolf, I can see it. Taste it. You could slit his throat and be free."
She came to a stop, facing the fish tank again. The eel was eating the redfin. Maybe that was supposed to mean something; she'd never much cared for symbolism or metaphors. Even still, she couldn't tear her eyes away. Her palms ached. Blood colored the water and the other fish came to feast. She'd never seen them do this before.
"Kneel to me. Obey me. And I can give you what you want."
"Idiot," She hissed—to herself? To Elgar'nan? She didn't know.
The redfin flipped, belly up, before it was lost in the swarm. The eel's tail flicked, hypnotizing, and she hissed as her nails sank further into her palms. "Idiot."
She didn't want to kill Viago.
"Rook?"
She whirled, eyes wide and wild, until she found Lucanis, brown eyes worried as he looked her over. Breathing heavily, she looked back to the fish tank.
The water was clear, and still. The fish swam placidly in their prison.
"Are you alright?"
She jumped again at his voice, before nodding jerkily. "I-yes," Clearing her throat, she forced a smile. She knew it didn't meet her eyes. "I'm fine, Lucanis."
He frowned at her, and his eyes screamed that he didn't believe the lie. It was a poor one; she couldn't blame him. She didn't believe herself. But he didn't admonish her; he simply held a mug up and out to her, raising his brows, "I made you a pot," At her blank stare, he asked gently, "Cioccolata calda?"
Azzurra blinked. "Oh," It felt dumb, but she wasn't quite sure what else to say. Her feet felt rooted to the ground and her hands were still balled into fists at her sides.
Lucanis took that as his cue to come inside; he set the mug down on the bookcase behind the chaise, then stopped in front of Azzurra. "Azzurra," She twitched at the use of her name, finding herself unable to meet his eye. Why?
Little wolf.
"I said I was fine," She winced internally as she snapped, the words flying viciously off her tongue, but Lucanis just tilted his head. Like he was listening to someone she couldn't see.
He probably was.
"What happened during Elgar'nan's ritual?" Of course he'd hit the nail on the head. Gritting her teeth, Azzurra glowered at him, but the bastard had her cornered and knew it.
"I told you," She said slowly—acerbic. "He got into my head."
"He was in all of our heads, Rook."
"I see what you are. I understand you. You would be great with me, da'fen."
"Not like mine," She muttered, quiet. She felt far away from herself. She couldn't bring herself to watch as sympathy and worry creased his brow, and did her best not to flinch from his touch as he settled a warm hand on her shoulder.
"Rook-,"
"It's like he's still in there," She watched as his brows furrowed and his lips pursed; he dropped his hand. It shouldn't hurt. Why did it hurt?
She bit her lip, eyes squeezing shut while her arms finally came up to wrap around her middle. Her palms stuck uncomfortably to the silk of her blouse. "I… How do I know he isn't?" The words came in a rush of breath; she couldn't breathe. Her chest felt tight.
She startled again when Lucanis reached for her; he gentled the approach, his expression a careful mask of calm. He was treating her like a spooked animal—and really, maybe she was. She certainly felt like one.
Still, it evidently was what she needed; when his hand settled on her shoulder again, she didn't flinch or pull away. She even allowed him to guide her back to the chaise and push her down to sitting. "I promise you, Rook," His tone was so gentle, reassuring; it made her want to punch something. "He is gone. We are in the Lighthouse—Elgar'nan cannot get to us here."
Grunting, Azzurra stared back into the fish tank.
"I see what you are, da'fen. And with me, you will never be forced to hide again. Never again will you be weak."
"Are you sure about that?" She asked, whisper soft.
Lucanis didn't respond.
Azzurra didn't blame him.
Nothing had felt right after they rescued the Dalish from Elgar'nan. They'd won, of course, but it was only thanks to Solas. And still, she had no explanation as to why she accepted his help. Other than the fact she'd been absolutely terrified when Elgar'nan had caught her, Lucanis, and Neve in his trap. That seemed reasonable, if embarrassing.
"You should rest." She snorted despite herself, and leveled Lucanis with a dry look. He smirked, shrugging a shoulder. "What? You don't have a demon trying to take your body over."
"He's gotten better." She muttered, her body sagging a bit as she sighed. Hypocritical as it was, Lucanis had a point. She was exhausted, and that probably wasn't helping anything.
She watched quietly when he moved for the abandoned mug of cioccolata calda and pressed it into her hands, and even managed a frail smile as he fluttered about the room and gathered up the blanket she'd gotten from Dock Town to drape it over her shoulders. It was simple, embroidered with teal and read and gold and black thread; but it was beautiful, soft, and warm—that's really all that mattered.
Sipping at her cocoa, Azzurra sighed gently into the steam. Nothing felt right, and a sense of foreboding doom loomed heavy over her.
But as Lucanis finally settled in next to her, wrapped an arm around her, and tugged her gently into his side, she thought that maybe—just maybe—she would be able to see this through. That everything would alright in the end. Somehow, their rag-tag team would save the day, and they would all live. A silly, childish hope to cling to, but she found herself clinging to it all the same.
"Stay with me tonight?" She asked, even though she already knew the answer. A part of her needed to hear it.
The smile was audible in Lucanis's voice as he responded, "Of course." And the kiss to the side of her head was a welcome balm against a raw, open wound.
Nodding, Azzurra found herself looking back into the fish tank.
And she swore an eel was watching her.