Chapter Text
[A few hours after the Bastard Munchen vs PXG match]
Kaiser sat on the edge of the bed, scrolling through the online comments on his last match.
@bloowho: way to go, isagi! I believed in u!
@ordinarysoccer: I always knew bm would win haha
@enjoyertalker: damn blue lock produced some very talented players
@thatonegirl: is it just me or was kaiser off his game today?
—->[reply] @meozers: @thatonegirl, fr, i thought I was the only one who thought that-
Clicking his tongue in annoyance, Kaiser clicked off the website, and tossed his phone across the bed. He couldn't keep reading anymore. God, he couldn't wait to leave Japan. They'd leave for Germany the next day. But he was stuck in the hotel that was reserved for the team. Now in casual clothes, he looked like a normal person…but his mind was swirling with so many thoughts…
He scooped up the TV remote and switched to a random channel. Of COURSE it was a replay of the day's matches. Manshine City vs FC Barcha…he watched for a few moments but couldn't bring himself to focus. His fingers twitched. He hated not being in control of his own mind.
A knock.
Kaiser whipped his head towards the door, but remained silent. He knew who it was anyway. The door opened a crack. A familiar head with magenta hair came into his view.
[STOP CLINGING TO A PIECE OF SHIT LIKE ME]
“What do you want Ness.” Kaiser said blandly, turning his head back to the TV even though his brain wasn't even processing the audio.
“Kaiser…we-” Ness paused, fully stepping inside, closing the door behind him, “-need to talk. Please.”
“Get the fuck out if you don't have anything serious to tell me. Haven't you heard enough from me already?”
Ness came forward till he was seven feet away from Kaiser. A respectful distance.
“I told you I'm done taking orders, Kaiser. Not that I'd leave your side. I couldn't do it even if I tried.”
“Hah?” Kaiser was starting to get annoyed from his persistence. “Listen up, if you don't want me to ruin everything again then fucking leave already.”
Kaiser could not bear to look Ness in the eye. He just couldn't.
“And leave you like this?” Came the exasperated reply. “Do you even realize what you're doing?”
That took him by surprise. Kaiser's gaze flicked back to Ness. “What…?”
He shut up quickly as he noticed where Ness was looking. He relaxed his hands immediately, though his nails had left his palms stinging.
“For the last time Ness, GET THE FUCK OUT-”
[ “You're a flesh and blood human being”]
“AND LEAVE YOU TO WHAT, SELF DESTRUCT?” Kaiser had never heard Ness yell before.
Ness buried his face in his palms, “For YEARS kaiser, I only wanted the best for you, for you to rise above and I…I did everything I thought you wanted me to do. Because I know what you've gone through. Because I want to help you. But you- you keep pushing me away.”
(AAANND HERE WE HAVE A REPLAY OF TODAY’S WINNING GOAL BY NUMBER 11, ISAGI YOICHI !!
The TV showed the scene of Isagi's winning goal, after Ness' pass)
Ness walked over to the frozen Kaiser and picked up the TV remote next to him and turned it off.
“Kaiser, your hands.” Ness said gently, and once again Kaiser had to consciously stop digging his nails into his palms.
“Why…why are you still here…”
“Because you're not thinking rationally. I am. No matter what, Kaiser, I'm always gonna be on your side because whether you like it or not, I'm the only one who understands you and I know…that who you were today is not the real you. That's the you who's used to being blamed all the time,”
He paused.
Kaiser stood up, glaring daggers at Ness. But…he was willing to hear him out. It's not like Kaiser had anything better to say or do.
“, and you got used to directing all your anger internally. Kaiser, do you really think I never noticed anything all these years? At least believe me on that note.” Ness said bitterly, taking another step towards Kaiser.
“So, Ness, what you're trying to say is that I'm broken? That I can't get by without inflicting pain on myself? Would it satisfy you if I told you you're right?” Kaiser replied, a sharp edge to his words.
“Did you come here to torment me about my own shitty self and how I can't manage my emotions?”
“O-of course not…I just-”
“Yeah yeah I know I'm the worst scum you're ever seen and I can't get along with others, I can't treat you right, I can't even beat a little brat in soccer who was a nobody till he came to the Blue Lock Project.” He was starting to get agitated…
“Shut up for a second. It fucking hurt when you said those things to me but you know what? I cared about you too much to leave you alone. I fucking hate that I care about you but I can't help it.” Ness’ eyes were visibly starting to tear up. “Because you're the reason I made it so far. You're the reason I could follow my passion. And I'm grateful to you for that.”
Oh that hit him like a truck. Kaiser turned around, not wanting to face Ness. He didn't want to see his crying face. Ignoring the sharp pain in his chest, he spoke, “Alright, you're welcome. Is that what you wanted to hear?”
He bit his lip, lost in thought. Kaiser was completely aware of his actions. He knew he was wrong to talk to Ness like this but he craved for that sense of familiarity. The pain. Emotional or physical, whatever, he just wanted familiarity. And making Ness hate him brought such despair to his heart that he found it comforting.
…familiarity. Oh, how he hated himself for it. No matter what the world might think, he was still sane. He KNEW it was wrong for him to do this but he saw no other way. Show someone kindness? He didn't know how to. What was he supposed to do? With a start he realized his breathing had become erratic.
He clenched his jaw, looking down at his hands to make sure he was calm and tried to even out his breathing.
Kaiser thought he had no choice but to make Ness go away and leave him alone because Ness…deserved better…
He turned around again, “Listen, I don't need your-”
A soft thump and the rustle of fabric against fabric fell on Kaiser's ears as Ness gently wrapped his arms around the taller guy. His world ground to a halt. He didn't react, just stood there watching Ness as he full on cried into Kaiser's shirt.
“I-I'll forever support you, Kaiser, because it was you who even brought me here. It's all because of you that I have a career in soccer and I want to see you be number one.” He sobbed as Kaiser stood frozen…before he hesitantly wrapped an arm around Ness’ shoulders. Gosh, he was so small compared to Kaiser.
His chest hurt so bad he didn't want to think about anything. All this time, from the Bastard München tryouts, all the way till the Neo Egoist League, it was Ness who constantly supported him. He knew about Kaiser's past, he knew him so well it was frightening. Perhaps Ness knew Kaiser more than he knew himself. His only true friend.
Kaiser's eyes stung. Like hell he was gonna cry. He just tried to focus on Ness and stop thinking but…his mind was racing. He wanted to say something but his words kept getting caught in his throat. Like there were thorns pricking his throat, stopping him from speaking. After a beat, he tried again.
“Ness…I- I'm,” it was hard for him to say the words. “I'm sorry.” He finally said, his voice cracking, barely, but Ness noticed.
He raised his head in surprise, his teary eyes meeting Kaiser's blue eyes that too were on the verge of tears but he refused to show any signs of weakness. He had fallen enough.
But oh, the sight of Ness in front of him, crying because of him, for him, for the life he had led, killed him from the inside.
Lost in thought, he was spacing out but Ness’ voice brought him back.
“K-kaiser…? Are you crying…?”
The blonde's eyes widened as he cursed himself mentally and brought his free hand to his cheek and sure enough, he was crying. Before he could react, Ness reached up, caressing Kaiser's face.
“Nononono please no, don't cry-” he wiped away Kaiser's tears while saying the same thing over and over again like a chant.
Kaiser grabbed Ness’ wrist, forcing him to stop. “Ness. You…the things I've said to you, Ness. And you still stayed. Gosh, why the fuck was I so blind.”
For the first time in what felt like forever, Ness’ eyes regained their sparkle.
“Kaiser-”
“Wait. Let me just say this while I'm still in the mood to do so. I'm sorry Ness. For…hurting you, using you for my own victory and tossing you away. There's no justification for what I have done. I can only ask for your forgiveness.” He said, breathless by the end of it.
“You never needed to ask for forgiveness.” Ness said, a ghost of a smile on his lips. “Because I already forgave you.”
In one fluid motion, Kaiser wrapped both his arms around Ness, one hand pushing his head to his chest and the other wrapped around his back.
“Stay…stay here for the night.”
“Of course, emperor.”