Chapter Text
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After Brendan and Walker fight on the train tracks and Brendan surprises them both by saving Walker's life, they both start to overthink the last few months - and their relationship..?
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His thoughts raced as he waited for Brendan. This would be it, their final showdown. He was leaning over the railing of the bridge, gravel crunching as Brendan's steps were slowly getting closer. He pushed off the railing, turning towards Brendan as he prepared to fight him. He shouted over.
"Welcome to the day of your reckoning."
He said, taking off his jacket and dropping it to the floor.
"Shame Walker, damn shame. The last few months, I keep hearing voices, in my head."
He pointed against his temple with one finger, Walker took off his scarf as Brendan talked.
"...Telling me to atone for my sins."
Brendan shrugged his jacket off, continuing.
"...And I tried, believe me. I tried. But you, you just kept coming, didn't you. Which begs the question, what does this world want me to be. A god-fearing man - or a man who knows who he really is."
A short beat of silence, before Walker replied.
"And what's your answer."
Another beat of silence. Then Brendan spoke.
"That I miss the old me."
Walker huffed out a laugh and smirked. That's when Brendan lunged at him, tackling him and lifting him up, throwing him to the ground, and Simon let out a noise of pain as his back hit the rough gravel. Brendan knelt over him, starting to punch. Simon managed to kick him off, using the time to get up from the ground while Brendan stumbled over the rails. He quickly got up to pin Simon to the railing, landing a few more punches, before Simon turned it around. He took Brendan into a chokehold, boxing him into his side so that he fell to the ground. He didn't have a chance to get up before Simon kicked him in his side.
"This is for Cam!"
he said as Brady crawled over the rails towards the other side of the bridge.
"This is for everyone that you've hurt!"
Simon said, hitting Brendan in the face as he got up and pinning his head to the railing. Brendan looked off to the side, refusing to meet Simons gaze, watching an oncoming train in the distance.
"And this is for me"
Simon said, and punched him in the stomach.
"I left a little present for your family, a last minute parting gift, and it's gonna tear their lifes apart. And I am finally gonna kill the name: Brendan Brady-!"
he barely finished his sentence as Brendan punched him out of nowhere, causing him to stumble back slightly and loosing his balance on the edge of the rails.
Time seemed to slow down for Brendan. The train honked, right there, so close to Simon. He just had to give him one last small push, and all this would finally be over. He saw the pure terrified look in Simons eyes. He should've been satisfied. He could finally get rid of the man who has tried to kill him, tried to hurt his loved ones in any way possible, tried to ruin his life.
Before he knew it, he reached out, grabbing Simons arm and pulling him back from the edge of the tracks, just barely in time.
Simon stumbled into him, and they both fell back and pressed against the railing, so close to the passing train. Simon was shaking, clutching Brendans pullover like a lifeline, pressing himself against the other man. As the train had passed, Simon didn't let go. He was paralyzed from fear, trembling and breathing heavily, wide terrified eyes staring into the gravel. He was so damn close to death. Just a second longer...
yet Brendan saved his life. Brendan saved his life..?
The next few minutes were a blur to him. Somehow, Brendan got Simon to his place, they could be alone there. Simon was still shaken up, though half back to his senses now. They were both silent as he sat in Brendan's bathroom and said man shaved the short messy beard off that had grown on Walker's face over the past months.
"You look way better without a beard,"
Brendan eventually broke the silence. Simon didn't answer.
He would've killed Brady just then. But now he was thinking. What if he really did? What then? Would he really be happy? Would Cam have wanted him to..?
Brendan looked into his eyes. Simon stared off into nothingness. Brendan couldn't blame him. He almost died just a few minutes ago. He finished shaving him and went out of the bathroom without another word. He left his place, spending the rest of the day at Chez Chez drinking and thinking about what happened - or almost happened.
Soon, it was late in the evening, though Simon knew he wouldn't sleep. He went to bed anyways, starting to undress. Just as he began, Brendan came back. He froze and stared unashamed as Walker pulled of his shirt. Walker looked at him, throwing his shirt to the side. Neither of them spoke for a moment.
"..I'll sleep on the couch,"
Walker murmured.
The first words he uttered since the train tracks.
Brendan closed the door behind him, not taking his eyes off Walker's chest. Unable to.
"No, it's- we can share the bed."
He couldn't help it. Walker was so unfairly attractive. He stepped up to the other side of the bed, unbuttoning his shirt. They both didn't take their eyes off each other's in a silent challenge to dare and look at the other's body as they undressed, only looking away when climbing into bed next to each other. 'Keep it together damnit' Brendan thought to himself.
Simon felt guilty. He was laying in bed next to his brothers killer. He should hate Brendan. He could kill him so easily right now. Yet- he couldn't deny his damn feelings for the man. But damnit this was bad. Brendan killed his brother. They both silently stared at the ceiling for what felt like an eternity. Brendan eventually huffed in frustration.
"Why did you do all this, Walker? Ruining yer life for a kid who probably wouldn't even have wanted you to. Why don't you let him rest?”
Simon's breathed deeply.
“You d-“
“I’m sorry,”
Brendan blurted without thinking. Simon froze.
“I’m sorry 'bout Cam. I never.. wanted any of this to happen. Not his death."
He sounded genuine.
“I barely knew him. When you’re selling, you don't think about them, what may happen to them. You sell it and it's their responsibility. I mean, hell, Walker, you were practically begging for Kai to let you in on selling back in prison.”
Simon huffed.
"You.-”
“I know. I played a part in Cam’s death”
Brendan intervined.
“I’m not denying, Walker. But I didn’t do anything you haven’t done before. I’m tired of fightin', Walker. Over this..”
Simon deflated. A mixture of anger, though he was unsure at what this time, and sadness stirred in him. His brother was- a rush of angry tears welled in Simon’s eyes.
“I feel disgusting, like I'm betraying him by forgiving you”
he whispered, voice shaking slightly.
Brendan let out a breath.
"It wasn't your fault. Hell, not even mine. If I wouldn't have sold him the stuff he would've gotten it from someone else."
Simon took a shaky breath.
"It's- I guess you're right."
He exhaled.
"I.. had to blame you, Brendan. Otherwise I would've blamed myself, and that-.."
Brendan leaned over Simon and kissed him.
Simon didn't protest. Instead, he kissed back, putting all his pent up anger, grief, frustration, and sadness into it. He knew it wasn't just that though. He liked Brendan. He never liked a man before, but he couldn't deny it. He was scared of this. But now that he could finally start letting go of Cam..- not forget him. He could never forget him. But finally let him rest - he could maybe allow himself to try. Brendan had moved on top of him. He grabbed Simon's head, tilting it back to deepen the kiss.
Simon felt Brendan grinding against him through the blanket. Damnit-
"Brendan- mh- stop- stop!"
Brendan paused. He pulled away to look at Walker, waiting for him to elaborate. Simon's eyes flickered between Brendan's, his breath heavy and uneven.
"I- don't. Just- don't-"
Brendan looked at him incredulously.
"What? Why? I thought- okay.."
He climbed off Simon, laying back down beside him again. An awkward silence hovered between them. It wasn't that Simon didn't like him. He was scared.
"It- it's not you, Brendan. I- I have a family, a wife and kids, I- I can't just abandon them."
Brendan sighed.
"Yeah, you do. And? You don't love her anymore. That happens, Walker."
"Yes, but- not with a man.. I- I've never.. loved a man.. before.."
Brendan sat up apruptly.
"And?? Means you can't or what?"
"No, it's- I.. I'll go home, with a man, what- what will my family think? My friends? What.. what if they.. don't approve and.. don't want anything to do with me anymore..?"
Brendan looked off to the side and scoffed. He'd never seen Walker this vulnerable.
"And? Then they're bad friends and family. You can find new ones. And you'll have me."
"And if you leave me some day?"
Brendan was not prepared for that. What if he did? Or what if Walker left him instead? Would this really work out? He hadn't even felt this way with Ste. It was all so different with Walker than with anyome before. But what if it broke apart?
So he answered.
"Let yourself be happy, Walker. Even if I would leave you some day, you'd find someone else. Would ya rather stay with your wife, closeted, pretending not to feel this? We both know it'd kill y-"
Before he could finish that sentence, Walker couldn't take it anymore. In a second, he was all over Brendan, his tongue intruding into Brendan's throat, his body pressing against him in a desperate needy way, his hands all over his body. Despite the need filling Simon's movements, there was something almost worshipping in his touch. Brendan didn't kiss back. He just let Walker do what he needed.
Eventually though, Simon's teasing was enough. Brendan could feel himself getting horny again. He grabbed Simon's hips, pushing him down onto the mattress and towering over him with a death stare. Simon was breathing heavily, staring back, but he said nothing, too stunned. Just when Brendan pulled his shirt up to his neck, almost choking him by pressing it down with one hand, Simon found his - now strangled - voice.
"Bren-" "Shh."
Brendan interrupts him harshly, runnig his tongue all over Simon's torso. His patience was, as always, short lived, since he quickly gave up on that, instead opening Simon's belt hurriedly, grabbing his waist to flip him onto his stomach.
"Wait- hold up-"
Simon started again, Brendan huffed angrily
"I said shh. Be quiet."
Simon's eyes widened, his pupils dialating slightly as he felt Brendan tugging down his pants. His fingers, as he pushed two inside, felt incredibly uncomfortable, slightly painful even, it's like nothing Simon ever felt before. Brendan picked up a bottle from somewhere near the bed and opened it. Before Simon could question it though, Brendan's fingers were back inside, though this time with a cold, rather thick liquid, which made it a little more bearable and less painful, yet didn't get rid of the discomfort. There was a heavy silence between them for a long moment as Brendan focused on his task and Simon was unable to react.
The pain came so sudden that Simon let out an embarassing noise, a mix between panic and pain. He hadn't even noticed Brendan pulling his fingers out and getting ready to fuck him. Brendan hardly registered Simon's noise as he groaned, having impatiently pushed his cock inside his ass. Simon had never done this before. It hurt.
He wasn't used to this, he wasn't ready. He wanted to tell Brendan to stop, to pull out, to not do this- but he found himself unable to. He actually wanted this. He actually wanted Brendan. He tried not to show it, to push through the discomfort and pain, but his body gave him away. Brendan froze halfway of pushing in. Walker's hands clutched the sheets so tight they might've teared with the slightest pull, his eyes wide and fixed on the headboard in front of him, his breathing slow yet erratic.
"Shit.. Walker?"
"B- brendan- I don't- I mean- I'm not.. I've never.. don't stop-"
Brendan blinked surprised.
"...You sure? You don't look like you're enjoying yourself."
Simon nodded. There's a first time for everything, isn't there? It couldn't be that bad, he just needed to get comfortable. He let out a whined grunt as Brendan pushed in the the rest of the way, though he was more careful now. He paused there, giving Simon time to adjust to the stretch.
There was a long moment of awkward silence where the only sounds that could be heard were their breaths and the occasional slight shift from Brendan as he tried not to pound into Walker right this instant. As he saw Walker relaxing slightly, he carefully started to move slowly. When Walker didn't protest or tense up again, he grew bolder, starting to pick up pace, falling into a pleasureable rhythm. He let out a grunt at the heavenly sensation, reaching for a pillow.
"Lift your hips, Walker."
"Wha- what-"
"I said lift your hips."
Walker obeyed, confused, lifting his hips slightly, which wasn't easy due to Brendan fucking into him like that. Brendan placed the pillow under him, pushing his hips back down onto it and- oh.
Oh.
Oh fuck. Walker couldn't help but moan as Brendan hit some sweet spot with every thrust that he didn't even know existed until now. He found himself unconsciously pushing his hips back to meet Brendan's thrusts, needing more of this incredible feeling.
"Ah- Brendan- mh- please-"
He didn't care how pathetic he sounded in that moment. Brendan smirked, enjoying seeing Walker like this, so desperate and needy, for him. He braced himself on Simon's shoulders as he felt himself getting closer, pressing Walker's face in the sheets with one hand, which did nothing to muffle his moans though. He didn't even notice that Simon had gotten close.
"Oh shit- Brendan!"
Simon moaned out as he came. He clenched around Brendan, and that was enough to suddenly send him over the edge as well, coming with a grunt. They both stayed like that for a moment, panting as they came down from their pleasure.
Brendan eventually pulled out, collapsing onto the bed next to Simon.
"Thanks."
That was all he said, so casually, despite his heavy breaths. There was silence again. After calming down, with his mind clear again, Walker turned onto his back, not caring about the mess he's making. He stared at the ceiling, thinking about what he just did. The afermath of what just happened still laid heavy in the air between them.
Brendan turned onto his side, looking at him.
"I think," he started, "it's time you try living again."
And with that, he turned his back to Simon, switching off the lights and going to sleep.