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Enjolras did not have feelings for Grantaire.
Grantaire was drunk. Grantaire was a cynic. Grantaire always disrupted meetings with obnoxious comments and sarcastic remarks. Grantaire always put Enjolras down in front of everyone. If anything, Enjolras despised him.
Or so he thought.
Enjolras was not a complicated man. In fact, he was quite simple. He had one goal in life and that goal was to make the world a better place. And to achieve that goal, there was a lot of work Enjolras needed to do, his activist group being the best way to making actual differences in the society. But for that, Enjolras needed to concentrate. He needed to dedicate all his spare time to Les Amis, and all his attention to the cause. His boss, Lamarque, sympathized with Les Amis and even helped them when they needed, which meant that even at work Enjolras was directly in touch with his cause and had the opportunity to rant about his beliefs to whoever wanted to hear it. He had no time to think about trivial matters, such as Grantaire and his cynicism.
That didn’t stop Enjolras, though, and he hated himself for it.
He couldn’t stop thinking about the words Grantaire told him during meetings, that even when disguised with sarcasm and cynicism, had actual logical and consistent points that would be able to tear some of Enjolras's arguments if given too much thought. Enjolras couldn’t deny that Grantaire was an intelligent man, even if he wasted his mind away in booze and cheap, trivial pleasures.
This was what bothered Enjolras the most. Grantaire had so much potential, but he put no use to it.
Plus, Grantaire was a beautiful man. He didn’t have the usual beauty that was socially acclaimed – Enjolras had overheard mean comments about Grantaire's appearance a thousand times – : his nose was too big, his lips were too thin, his eyes were too grey – who even uses that as an insult?, Enjolras thought to himself – and his hair was too curly and disheveled. Most people called Grantaire ugly. Enjolras thought that, when put together, all those traits that were socially considered ugly made Grantaire's face unique and beautiful, in a way that Enjolras rarely saw.
And he always knew things. That's a vague way to put it, but Enjolras didn’t know how else to explain. You could ask Grantaire anything, and he would know. He would know how to fix your broken ceiling fan, or how to boost the speed of your computer, or how to tune your musical instrument, or the best – and worst – restaurants to take your date, or the name of any philosopher Enjolras quoted during speeches. From what Enjolras knew, he spoke at least four languages, knew how to box, how to fence and how to dance, had both an art and a literature major and sometimes a nearby art gallery displayed his portraits. Grantaire was simply amazing.
Fine. Maybe Enjolras did have feelings for Grantaire. But just a little bit. Nothing he couldn’t handle. Nothing big enough to distract Enjolras from his life-long goals.
One day at a meeting, Grantaire was chatting cheerfully with Jehan when Enjolras arrived at the Musain. His black curls were intertwined with a flower crown made by Jehan, and strands of hair fell above his eyes as he gesticulated widely while speaking. Jehan burst into laughter because of something Grantaire had told him, and the cynic threw his head back to laugh too, exposing his neck to Enjolras' view. Combeferre cleaned his throat and only then Enjolras realized he had been staring, quickly darting his eyes away from Grantaire and starting the meeting.
Enjolras would never admit it out loud, but he actually enjoyed discussing with Grantaire. Obviously, sometimes Grantaire only interrupted him to raise a laugh out of the Amis, or to mock Enjolras, and those moments were really infuriating. But whenever he made good points about the topic of discussion and actually engaged in a philosophical debate with Enjolras, the leader would practically beam with excitement. It was nice to have a challenge sometimes, and Grantaire was always willing to give him a challenge. Enjolras loved it, the thrill of being able to put his rhetoric to use, the adrenaline filling his bloodstream right before he tore one of Grantaire's arguments apart, the race of his brain trying to come up with an answer whenever Grantaire tore one of his arguments down, the warm proud feeling that blossomed in his chest whenever he found a clever answer and left Grantaire speechless, sulking defeated on his corner. Sometimes, Enjolras was the one who sulked in defeat, but that only motivated him to try harder next time.
But sometimes, they would yell hurtful words at each other. Enjolras hated those moments, specially because he would usually end up personally attacking Grantaire, resulting on him bursting out of the Musain with hurt in his eyes and only coming back a week later, reeking of booze and cigarettes.
Enjolras worried about Grantaire more than he did for his other friends.
Sure, he loved all his friends equally, but out of them all, Grantaire was the most reckless. The rest of the Amis were young and light-hearted, but they always knew when to stop. They were responsible. Grantaire seemed to be the extreme opposite, and sometimes Enjolras would stay up until late hours of the night wondering if he would find the man alive on the following morning.
Fine. Enjolras had feelings for Grantaire. And he couldn’t deny that any longer.
But he couldn’t let Grantaire find that out. It was so obvious Grantaire didn’t return his feelings; Enjolras couldn’t embarrass himself like that. If Grantaire ever found out about Enjolras' feelings for him, the man would mock him for sure, and Enjolras would never be able to live that down. No, he needed to keep that a secret, and Grantaire could never know. If anything, Enjolras would have to be even harsher to him, in an attempt to hide his true feelings. Maybe this was just an infatuation that would be over in no time. He wouldn’t risk his reputation over a mere infatuation.
Yes. Pushing Grantaire away sounded like a good plan, just until Enjolras' crush disappeared.
-
"Hey, what's up with Enjolras today?" Grantaire asked Joly, nodding at the blonde leader who was organizing his papers a few desks away from the pair. Joly followed Grantaire's line of sight, staring at Enjolras for a couple seconds before turning his head back at Grantaire.
"I don't see what you mean", Joly told him, frowning. "What's up with him?"
Grantaire played pensively with his beer can for a while before answering.
"He basically growled at me when he arrived today. And I hadn't even said anything", Grantaire quickly added.
"Maybe he just had a bad day", Joly shrugged, but the two men frowned in confusion when Enjolras pulled both Combeferre and Courfeyrac into a group hug.
"Alright. That's weird", Bossuet commented, appearing beside Joly and Grantaire and taking a seat at their table. "What's up with him?"
"I just asked that!" Grantaire exclaimed, raising both palms emphatically.
"Well, I don’t think you should worry about it", Joly commented, grabbing Grantaire's beer can as if to take a sip but changing his mind half-way through it, remembering it wasn't his.. "Maybe he's still mad about last meeting's discussion".
"But I apologized!" Grantaire protested, frowning. "Plus, it wasn’t even the worst discussion we ever had. And I'm not up for this today, I didn’t come out of my house in the middle of a Sunday afternoon to have Enjolras being rude to me for no reason".
"Sure", Bossuet laughed, nudging Joly with his elbow. "You came out of your house in the middle of a Sunday afternoon just to see Enjolras", he teased.
"Shut up", Grantaire muttered through gritted teeth, rolling his eyes at Bossuet, who just laughed louder, accompanied by Joly.
Enjolras cleared his throat and the room went silent, all heads turning to stare at him.
"Good afternoon, citizens", Enjolras said in his usually stoic voice, and Grantaire rolled his eyes. How was it possible that Enjolras calling his closest friends 'citizens' made Grantaire's heart beat faster in his chest? "On today's meeting, we are to discuss the two programmed protests for next month, the banner designs, the poster confection, the pamphlet distribution to raise awareness and the route we'll take. I would like to start with the designs. Feuilly", Enjolras turned to the ginger man, who was sitting nearby and sharing a table with Bahorel. "Do you think you could create a few designs and share them with us so we can vote which one is the best?"
Feuilly clearly frowned, looking at Enjolras with confusion.
"Well, yes, I can, but... Why not ask R? He's way better with this stuff than I am".
Enjolras' lips shut into a thin line and he seemed incredibly frustrated out of nowhere.
"I could, but I'm asking you", Enjolras said, not even sparing a single look at Grantaire.
"Alright...?", Feuilly responded with wariness.
"Now, about the poster confection", Enjolras continued casually as if nothing had happened. "We will need about a hundred posters to distribute to the people, but I will need some of you to work on the pamphlets and their distribution. So, who would like to take care of the posters and who wants to deal with the pamphlets?"
"I can deal with the posters", Grantaire said, staring intently at Enjolras, who still didn’t turn to look at him.
"Anyone else?" Enjolras asked, looking anywhere but at Grantaire.
"I'm right here, you know", Grantaire said teasingly, waving one arm to call Enjolras' attention. It was usual for Enjolras to give him the could shoulder, but not like this. Grantaire hadn't done anything. And he already apologized for the last meeting's discussion, so he didn’t know why Enjolras was acting like this.
The Amis had noticed too. They were staring at Enjolras with wariness and confusion, no one daring to answer his question.
"I know you're right there", Enjolras muttered dismissingly, looking at Grantaire for a fraction of a second before turning his head again.
"Ok? Then why don’t you want me to make the posters?" Grantaire asked, shrugging.
Enjolras' eyes darted madly across the room, as if looking for an answer. He looked terrified for a millisecond – maybe it was just Grantaire's imagination – before finally turning to Grantaire with a clearly forced scowl.
"Because I don't trust you to be serious or... or competent enough for such an important task", he said, raising his chin slightly in defiance. Grantaire stared.
"Oh", was all he said, taken aback by Enjolras' unnecessarily harsh words. Enjolras looked somewhat disappointed, and a tense silence hovered above the Musain.
Combeferre was sitting on the edge of his chair, shoulders clearly tense as he alterned between staring at Enjolras and staring at Grantaire. He looked like he wanted to help but didn’t know how. Joly was openly glaring at Enjolras, but Grantaire only stared at leader with the most neutral expression he could muster.
"Why are y-you still here?" Enjolras asked, suddenly blushing. "You're not adding anything t-to the group".
The words sounded unnatural, as if Enjolras had memorized them. Grantaire frowned.
"I just tried to add, but apparently I'm too incompetent to do so", Grantaire responded, sarcasm dripping from his tone. He took a sip from his beer just because he could.
"Well, yes?" Enjolras said, voice suddenly firm, but Grantaire noticed the way his hands were shaking. "So why are you still here?"
"What's going on, Enjolras?" Grantaire frowned. Something was wrong. Enjolras never acted like this before, not even to Grantaire... It sounded like he was being forced to say the words. And the cynic had never seen him so nervous. "Are you ok?"
"I am fine", Enjolras immediately responded. "I am absolutely fine. You're the one who's not fine so... so... Go sleep y-your booze off or... or something".
Grantaire stared in confusion.
"Enjolras", Combeferre called patiently. "Maybe you should... take some air?"
"No", Enjolras swallowed dry, fussing with the papers on his hand. "I have a meeting to lead. Let's go back to the meeting. So, the posters. Does anyone want to take the posters –"
"I want to", Grantaire said, standing up from his seat and ignoring Joly's hand that reached to stop him but couldn’t. He looked at Enjolras with defiance.
Enjolras stared back at Grantaire in horror, apparently frozen at the spot. He looked conflicted.
"Enjolras", Combeferre called again, tone more serious than before.
"I don't", Enjolras said through gritted teeth. "I don't want you to. I want someone else to do it".
"Why?" Grantaire raised a defying eyebrow.
"Because you're inc-"
"Incompetent, I know", Grantaire interrupted with an eyeroll. "You already told me that. But what is the real reason, Enjolras?"
Enjolras gaped, staring at Grantaire with confusion. His mouth open and closed as he tried to think of an answer, making him look like a fish.
Then he dropped the papers and burst through the Musain's back door.
Grantaire was left staring at the empty space where Enjolras had been standing on in confusion. He looked around at the Musain, finding the same expressions on his friends' faces. Combeferre basically faceslapped, getting up from his seat with a resigned frown and approaching Grantaire.
"You should go after him", he told the cynic in a quiet voice, placing a hand on his shoulder and squeezing. "But take it easy. He's clearly nervous".
"But why?" Grantaire asked, feeling more confused than he ever felt.
"Just go after him", Combeferre sighed, sounding exhausted. He let go of Grantaire, bending over to pick the papers Enjolras had dropped and straightening them before continuing the meeting from where Enjolras had stopped as if nothing had happened.
Grantaire took his cue and headed hesitantly to the back door of the Musain, throwing confused looks at Joly and Bossuet over his shoulder before finally exiting the café. He had no idea where Enjolras could have gone, but since the meeting was far from over, he mustn't have gone too far.
The cynic wandered aimlessly for a few minutes, looking for Enjolras on the Musain street and on the nearby ones to no avail. It was a hot day for spring, but occasionally a chilly wind would appear and blow the curls away from Grantaire's forehead. The sun was high on the sky, no clouds obstructing it from view. It was a nice day.
Grantaire finally arrived at a small park two streets away from the Musain, spotting a mass of disheveled blond hair contrasting with the green grass. Enjolras was sitting on a bench in the park, sun hitting his hair in a perfect way that made his curls look more golden than Grantaire had ever seen them. His fingers twitched, urging to paint Enjolras.
The leader was leaning forward on the bench, head sustained by his hands which were propped by his knees. He seemed lost in thought, muttering quietly to himself and so distracted that he didn’t notice when Grantaire sat beside him within a respectful distance, and jumped in surprise when he saw the man was right beside him.
"Oh!" Enjolras said, eyes wide and quickly darting away from Grantaire's face as he blushed again. "I... I didn’t... I didn’t see you there", he quickly added, and then his eyes widened even further as he looked back at Grantaire and asked: "How long have you been there?!"
"I just got here", Grantaire smiled reassuringly, and Enjolras let out a relieved sigh.
"Oh thank god", he muttered, but quickly straightened himself on the bench. "I mean...! Ah, what – what are you doing here? Shouldn’t you be at the meeting?"
"I thought you didn’t want me at the meeting", Grantaire scoffed with a teasing smirk. Enjolras stared at him as if he was the most infuriating thing he had ever seen. His jaw tightened as if he was offended, but then it softened as he turned his head to look at the park in front of them. Grantaire let out a sigh. "Enjolras, what's going on?", he asked, sounding tired.
"What do you mean?" Enjolras frowned, staring straight ahead.
"You're acting weird. You're trembling right now", Grantaire raised both eyebrows, nodding at Enjolras' hands, which were twitching on his lap. Enjolras looked down at his own hands with an expression akin to horror and crossed his arms in front of his chest, hiding the hands away from Grantaire's view.
"There's nothing wrong", Enjolras said, voice sounding forced. "I'm just nervous about the protests, that's all".
"You've never been nervous about a protest before", Grantaire scoffed, giving the leader a confused smile. "Are you sure there's nothing else to it?"
"Yes", Enjolras said through gritted teeth, lips shutting into a thin line. Grantaire sighed, adjusting himself on the bench so that he could mimic Enjolras' position and sit side by side with the man, staring straight ahead at the park.
"I know you don’t trust me very much, with good reason", Grantaire said without looking at the man beside him, focusing on the leaves of a tree in front of them and the way they shook and danced because of the pleasant wind. He then remembered the domino incident that had happened months ago, and the way Enjolras' eyes filled with betrayal and disappointment as soon as they met Grantaire's on that day. Grantaire's gaze lowered to gaze at his own feet in embarrassment before he continued speaking. Somewhere above them, birds were chirping. "But I could do the posters for you. I'm good with art. I wouldn’t screw it up, knowing this is so important to you".
Grantaire could see Enjolras biting his lower lip through his peripheral vision, but didn’t turn his head to look.
He knew Enjolras hated him. And he knew he was a disappointment for him. But maybe if he allowed Grantaire to help with something, make him something that would make him proud, maybe he could trust Grantaire just a little bit further and hate him just a little less. For the cynic, that would be enough. He was well aware of the impossibility of Enjolras loving him back, he would never dare to hope so. But the prospect of having a little bit of sympathy coming from Enjolras was enough to make Grantaire's heart beat twice as fast inside his chest, even as cynic as he was.
"Just put some thought into it", Grantaire continued when Enjolras didn't say anything. He dared to turn his head to look at the man, who looked just as stoic as ever, even if there was some hint of a struggle inside his eyes. "As I said, you have no reason to trust me with this. And I'm not saying I'm better than Feuilly, but I could do something that would really help –", he made the mistake of reaching to touch Enjolras' forearm, but the leader basically yanked his arm away from Grantaire's touch as soon as the skins brushed against each other. Grantaire withdrew his hand as if he had been burned, lowering his head completely until his curls hid his eyes away from Enjolras. He put on a sarcastic smile. "Alright. Don’t give me the posters if you don’t want to. But if you change your mind, I'll still be here as –"
"Why can't you just leave me alone?!" Enjolras interrupted, voice shaking with emotion. He didn’t sound angry, to Grantaire's confusion, but panicked. Grantaire looked up to see Enjolras staring at him with wide eyes and a frown, lips parted as if he couldn’t believe what he had just said. He must have seen the hurt in Grantaire's eyes then, because when the cynic stood up from the bench and turned on his heels to leave he followed, calling his name with urgency. Grantaire didn’t look back, too angry and sad and frustrated at the same time. Until Enjolras reached and grabbed his forearm with a delicacy that contrasted with his previous words. Grantaire came to a stop, back turned to Enjolras as the man held his arm.
"You don’t have to do this", Grantaire sighed, rolling his eyes even though there was no way Enjolras could see that. "I get it. You hate me. I won't bother you anymore".
"No", Enjolras said, and he sounded more nervous than Grantaire had ever heard him. The hand holding his arm was sweaty. "No, I don't... I don’t... ah, I'm sorry. I'm doing this all wrong", he let go of Grantaire's arm, but the cynic knew he was still there, lingering behind him. He turned around slowly, staring at Enjolras with a questioning look. "I'm sorry. I don’t hate you, I – ah, I don’t know how to do this!", he stomped one foot against the grass in annoyance, making him look like a child throwing a tantrum. Except that he looked honest and nervous.
"Do what, Enjolras?" Grantaire asked in what he hoped to be a reassuring enough voice. He took one step closer to Enjolras, but didn’t dare to approach any further.
Enjolras looked up at Grantaire with pleading eyes, as if begging him to understand something that Enjolras himself couldn’t explain. Grantaire stared back with confusion.
"I shouldn’t be doing this", Enjolras finally said, eyes never leaving Grantaire's, sounding frustrated. Grantaire frowned.
"Doing what?" Grantaire asked. What the hell was going on??
"Telling you", Enjolras huffed out, raising his arms midair and gesturing to the empty space between them. "You shouldn’t know, you weren't supposed to".
"But you're not telling me anything", Grantaire chuckled. Enjolras blushed deeply at this, face becoming as red as a tomato in only a few seconds.
"I knew you would laugh at me", he said angrily, looking down at his own feet.
"Hey, I'm not laughing at you", Grantaire reassured, feeling bad for making Enjolras feel humiliated. He outstretched a hand and placed it on Enjolras' shoulder reassuringly, hiding his fear of being once more rejected beneath a smile. "I'm just confused, that's all".
Enjolras looked back up, face still flushed, but didn’t pull away from Grantaire's touch. He seemed uncertain and hesitating. Grantaire let out a sigh.
"Look, Enjolras", he said with honesty. "I promise you I won't laugh at you, or mock you, or do anything to make you feel humiliated ok?" He raised both eyebrows at the leader as if to ask if he had understood. "Just tell me what's bothering you so much. Maybe I can help you somehow. I know you don’t trust me very much because of all the times I've been a total jackass to you and I know that I keep disrupting meetings or whatever, but if there's anything I can do to help one of my friends out I wont hesi–"
"I like you", Enjolras interrupted, allowing the words to burst out of his throat. He gaped at Grantaire in surprise for what he had just said for a few seconds, Grantaire gaping back with a blank expression. "I like you", he repeated, more concise, swallowing dry and looking anywhere but at Grantaire. "I didn’t want you to know because I was afraid you would laugh at me, and then I tried to push you away because I didn’t want to make a fool of myself in front of you whenever my heart started racing madly just because you said hello".
Grantaire stared. He couldn’t say or think or do anything. It was as if his brain had short-circuited from receiving too much information at once. He merely stared at Enjolras with a shell-shocked face.
"I don’t expect you to return them", Enjolras continued, voice shaky but clear. "I just clearly couldn’t hide it any longer. Everyone was starting to notice because apparently I'm a terrible liar. Don’t feel compelled to anything, though. I do hope our friendship can continue without any disruptions because of this –"
"I like you too", Grantaire heard himself say, blinking several times as if to make sure this was truly happening.
Was this possible? Could Enjolras like him back?
No, that couldn’t be.
But he just said he did!
No, this must be a prank, there's no way Enjolras likes him back.
Enjolras isn't a cruel man, he would never do that to anyone.
But there's no way he actually likes Grantaire, is there?
He just said he did!!!
He could be lying.
But Enjolras never lies.
If he said he likes Grantaire, and Enjolras never lies, then it must be true.
What the fuck.
"Y-you do?", Enjolras asked, sounding as surprised as Grantaire felt. Grantaire just stared, seeing the hope bloom inside Enjolras' eyes.
"Actually, I love you", Grantaire continued, but only after the words left his mouth was when he realized what he had just said. Enjolras' eyes widened slightly, mouth open to form a little 'o' of what was actually astonishment but Grantaire, in his nervousness, read as disgust, and the cynic kicked himself mentally. He had overdone it. He shouldn’t have said that, not like this, Enjolras said he likes him, not loves him, now he's going to scare him away forever and they'll never be able to look into each other's eyes again and Grantaire can't stand living without at least seeing Enjolras during meetings, he can't, and he can already feel his mind falling further into despair, despair, despair –
"I love you, too".
Smooth fingertips touch his and the weight of the words that were pronounced by the silk-like voice anchored him to the world again. The feel of Enjolras' damp, warm fingers against his own makes him sober enough to take in a deep, anticipating breath before Enjolras' equally smooth and warm lips are touching Grantaire's own chapped ones, and then they are kissing, and it's warm, it's sweet, it's full of nervousness, it's gentle and it's perfect. It's more than Grantaire ever dare to hope and more than he could ever ask for. it's simple and pure, there's no rush to it, no second intentions – just two men who just found love sharing an intimate, delicate touch. Enjolras smells exactly how Grantaire always thought he would, and his full, rosy lips feel exactly like he had fantasized. They're sweet and warm, and so is Enjolras, whose hands are still touching Grantaire's, palm glued together even as they kiss. The position is not the most comfortable, but neither of them wanted to let go of the other's hands. It felt like their hands were supposed to be held by the other's, like they were meant to intertwine and be like that forever. The birds singing on the park went unnoticed by the both of them; all Grantaire could think of was Enjolras and all Enjolras could think of was Grantaire.
When they finally parted – the kiss lasted only mere seconds, but for them, it felt like an eternity – they were both flustered and nervous. Grantaire let out a shaky breath, a dumb smile appearing on his face as he stared at Enjolras, whose face was redder than ever.
Is this his first kiss?, Grantaire thought to himself, but said nothing as Enjolras shyly returned his smile, eyes still a bit wider.
And then he abruptly let go of Grantaire's hands, knees buckling and arms trembling as he took one step back, away from Grantaire, who frowned in confusion.
"I, I –", Enjolras stuttered, clearly embarrassed. His fingers were fidgeting beside his body, and he was staring down at his own feet. "I have to g-go", he said, and then he was turning on his heels and lrunning away from Grantaire, walking with a rushed pace that was almost a jog across the park, until he disappeared from view.
Grantaire stared dumbly at the spot where Enjolras used to be before his own knees buckled and he finally gave in to his own weight. He fell against the soft grass, and even if the sudden impact made his bones ache a bit, he couldn’t care less.
Enjolras had kissed him.
Enjolras loved him.
Grantaire let out a loud laugh that made him sound like a maniac, but he didn’t mind. He outstretched his arms and legs on his lying position on the grass, smiling and laughing and cheering by himself as he allowed the scent of dirt and grass to impregnate his clothes. Even then it wasn’t enough, for he could still smell Enjolras on his clothes and lips.
He wished Enjolras hadn't run away from him. He wished he had stayed so that Grantaire could feel his comforting warmth and his delicious scent that made all other scents in the world become dull and boring.
Grantaire's heart was still beating madly inside his chest minutes after what had happened. It felt like it was doing a happy tap dance over the events that had just happened.
When he finally got up from the grassy floor and went home, he felt like the happiest man alive. He hadn't felt like that in a long, long time. He even allowed himself to do little jumps and happy jogs as he walked back to his apartment.
Of course, being Grantaire, it didn’t last long.
Only as he stood beneath his shower, lukewarm water falling on his shoulders, was when an intrusive thought entered his mind, making his stomach churn and his heart race again. Why did Enjolras run away? Didn’t he like the kiss? Did he feel forced to say he loved me back? Did I do something wrong? Did I fuck everything up?
A thousand thoughts were rushing inside Grantaire's mind and he couldn’t concentrate on any of them. What now? How would he be able to face Enjolras after this kiss, during meetings? Would they pretend that had never happened, or would they talk about it? What would they talk about?
Grantaire was a man who took a good care not to believe in anything, but this time, he hoped that Enjolras was telling the truth when he said he loved Grantaire back. It would be cruel to have a taste of Enjolras' lips without ever being able to touch them again.
But he knew, deep inside, that even if Enjolras didn’t want to get in a relationship with him, only seeing him during meetings was enough to keep Grantaire from falling into despair. He had never minded being a mere extra in Enjolras' story, he shouldn’t mind now. As long as he was close to him, everything would be ok.
He kept repeating the words inside his head, as if it would make them more true.
Only as he lied down on his bed, ignoring his damp hair wetting the pillows, was when he pulled his phone from its forgotten spot on the top of the nightstand. It was way too early for him to fall asleep, but too late to take a nap without screwing his sleeping schedule up. Instead, he dialed Joly's number so he could call his best friend and ask him for advice on what had happened, but before he could hit dial, his phone buzzed with a new text message.
His heart skipped a beat and he nearly dropped the phone when he saw it was from Enjolras.
From: Enjolras (17:09) Hello. Sorry for running away like that.
Grantaire stared at the screen for what felt like minutes, wondering what to reply.
To: Enjolras (17:11) That's ok, I understand.
Enjolras reply came instantly, which sent a blush to Grantaire's face.
From: Enjolras (17:11) Stop.
Grantaire frowned.
To: Enjolras (17:11) Stop what?
From: Enjolras (17:12) This. I didn’t run away because of you, I ran because I was nervus
From: Enjolras (17:12) Nervous**
Grantaire's heart started tap dancing again, a timid smile reaching his lips.
To: Enjolras (17:13) Well, don’t worry. I was nervous too.
From: Enjolras (17:13) You didn’t look nervous.
To: Enjolras (17:13) That's because I'm better at hiding my feelings ;-)
From: Enjolras (17:14) Oh
Grantaire stared at the screen, not knowing what to say. When he started typing out a message, Enjolras started two, which made they both stop at the same time, waiting for the other to type first. When Grantaire restarted, Enjolras restarted again, and they both stopped once more. This happened three more times before Grantaire locked the screen and decided to wait for Enjolras to type first.
From: Enjolras (17:16) So, I was wondering when we can meet?
To: Enjolras (17:16) Meet, as in, a date?
From: Enjolras (17:17) If you want to label it, then yes, a date.
To: Enjolras (17:17) Of course I want to ;-) just tell me the date and time
From: Enjolras (17:17) Um, are you busy right now?
To: Enjolras (17:18) Actually, no, why?
From: Enjolras (17:18) Well, if you're not doing anything and you want to, maybe we could do it right now?
To: Enjolras (17:19) Sure, that sounds great. Where you wanna go?
From: Enjolras (17:19) Well... Actually, this is going to sound weird.
From: Enjolras (17:20) I'm standing at your front door
From: Enjolras (17:20) But we don't have to stay over if you're not comfortable with that, I completely understand.
Grantaire got up from his bed in a jolt, leaving his phone behind as he walked to the front door of his apartment as quietly as he could. Looking through the peephole, he could see Enjolras, wearing the same clothes from the park, looking down at his phone as he typed rapidly. His face looked flushed.
Grantaire yanked the door open and smiled at Enjolras, who was so surprised by Grantaire's sudden appearance that he flushed.
"How long have you been there?" Grantaire smirked, leaning on the doorframe. Enjolras' face reddened even more, if that was possible. He locked his phone screen and put it on his backpocket, looking embarrassed.
"For a while", he said, purposefully vague. Grantaire raised an eyebrow, never stopping to smile.
"Well, why don't you come in?" Grantaire invited, stepping aside so that Enjolras could enter the apartment. He did, lowering his head as he passed by Grantaire, who closed the door behind the leader and followed him to the living room, where Enjolras stood awkwardly. "Oh, c'mon. Make yourself comfortable, go ahead and sit down if you want", he pointed to the couch, which despite old, looked comfortable. Enjolras sat down, taking in the living room. "Do you want something to drink? Something to eat?"
"Uh, a coffee would be great, actually", Enjolras said politely, looking at Grantaire's bookshelf.
"A coffee it is, then", Grantaire nodded, disappearing into the kitchen. He returned a few minutes later with two freshly brewed mugs of coffee in hand, offering one to Enjolras before sitting down beside him.
"This is very good", Enjolras said after taking a sip. He looked at Grantaire and smiled, and goddammit, Grantaire could just drop dead then and there from the beauty of that smile.
"Thanks", Grantaire said, fearing he'd stutter if he tried a more elaborated sentence.
"So", Enjolras said, cleaning his throat before speaking. "What would you like to do?"
Grantaire scoffed with humor, looking at Enjolras with affection before responding.
"Well, you tell me. What would you like to do?"
Enjolras hesitated for a few moments, finishing the rest of his coffee before he answered.
"I'd like to get to know you better", he said, setting the empty mug on the coffee table. "All we do is fight and scream at each other, and we barely hang out outside meetings. So I would like to get to know you".
Grantaire sincerely smiled at this, little dimples appearing at the side of his cheeks.
"I would like that, too", he said, moving on the couch so he could be closer to Enjolras, thighs touching. "But first...", he said, allowing one hand to reach for Enjolras' face, thumb stroking soothing circles on the leader's jaw. He leaned slightly forward, eyes never leaving Enjolras'. Their lips were mere inches away from each other. "Do you permit it?", Grantaire whispered. Enjolras smiled, hand mimicking Grantaire's and reaching for the man's jaw as he closed the distance between them and connected their lips in a breathtaking kiss.
Grantaire loved him back, and that was all that mattered.