Work Text:
Robby pressed his thumb to the cool glass lip of his beer bottle and leaned in closer to look at the photo Dennis had pulled up on his phone. The screen was slightly too bright. The blue-ish light bounced off the rainbow tiles on the bar top, making them shimmer like the stones of a riverbed.
Robby had, perhaps, ordered one too many beers tonight.
Silky’s Pub continued to buzz around them.
“I hate these stupid things, but Trinity said I’d regret it if I didn’t have any pictures.” Dennis said. Robby forced himself to focus on the image.
Dennis Whitaker. Graduation. Cap and gown and stole. His face was bright red, so one could only imagine what Santos was yelling from behind the camera. The picture showed him standing on what appeared to be the roof of PTMC, with the city unfolding behind him. He was holding the match letter instead of the diploma.
“You should be so proud.” Robby said, hand reaching out.
They’d would have to blame it on the alcohol. Why else would his hand be on Dennis Whitaker’s knee in public?
The younger man didn’t flinch. His knee just moved closer to Robby’s, nudging against his leg. It was a move often repeated in the privacy of Robby’s home…where they normally did their drinking and touching and-
“I don’t think I’ve ever really been proud of myself before.” Dennis said, so soft Robby almost missed it. He squeezed Dennis’s knee out of habit, thumb brushing across the worn denim. This seemed to be the correct move. Dennis appeared comforted by the gesture. “I… want to be proud of this.” He put his phone face down on the bar.
“Graduating a whole semester early from fuckin’ medical school? Hell yeah.” Robby withdrew his hand, moving slowly as if he might accidentally shatter the moment. “And then you went and matched into a rather competitive surgical program? Now you’re just showing off.” Dennis snorted. His cheeks flushed. He rubbed the back of his neck, a self conscious tic. “What?” Robby asked. “Imposter syndrome kicking in?” Dennis shrugged, leaning on the bar with both elbows as he looked at Robby.
“Just…doesn’t feel real yet, I guess.”
Dennis’s gaze fell to Robby’s mouth as he took a long drink.
“Do you want some sage advice from an old man?” Robby cleared his throat.
“Always. Do you know one?” Dennis narrowed his eyes, so playful it sobered Robby up faster than a punch to the back of the head. He must have made an embarrassing expression. Dennis laughed.
“Flattery will get you nowhere.” Robby sighed.
“Fine. I would like some sage advice from the king of do-as-I-say-not-as-I-do. Please and thank you.” Dennis tapped the neck of his beer against Robby’s, his pointer finger reaching out and to brush casually over his knuckles.
Robby was keenly aware that had they been alone, they both would have attempted to be the one that flattened the other against the couch roughly 20 minutes ago.
“We rarely get reasons to celebrate in this line of work.” Robby said. “You’ll have to invent your own reasons as the years go on. Eventually you’ll be sick of acknowledging your own birthday. So celebrate this.” Robby squeezed his shoulder, gave him a shake.
“Does this count?” Dennis’s gaze lowered to their drinks.
“Only if you let me pick up your tab.” Robby gave him a pointed look.
“Fuck.” Dennis huffed. “Fine. First and last time though.”
“Another round?”
Dennis searched for something in Robby’s face. He smiled.
“One more wouldn’t hurt.”
Two more icy Yuengling bottles hit the table.
“Why didn’t you want to walk at the ceremony?” Robby asked, returning to the topic of graduation.
“Just felt kind of silly. It’s not the thing my family can make time for with the farm the way it is. And everyone else I would have invited to watch would have been working. They do it at like, ten in the morning.” Dennis took a long drink. “I don’t feel like I’m missing out or anything…sitting for hours for a five minute walk to shake hands with people I’ve never met before.”
“Can’t argue with that. I don’t even know if I took any pictures at mine.” Robby shrugged. “Let’s call this the start of the real victory lap then.”
“The start?” Dennis laughed. “What else do you suggest?”
“Have you thought about a vacation? Getting out for a while?” Robby watched a few different emotions flicker across the younger man’s face. “Might be your last chance, before the work ties you down again.”
“Feels like something I should be telling you to do too.” Dennis smiled faintly.
“Me?”
“Yeah, you…judging strictly by how much your shoulders dropped after three beers.”
“Nah, I’ve always been a light weight.” Robby shrugged. “And Yuengling makes me doe-eyed.” Dennis snorted at the expression.
“And here I was thinking I just looked extra nice tonight.”
“You do.” Robby knew he was red. The gleam in Dennis’s eye confirmed it.
“Careful.” Dennis teased. Robby couldn’t hold back the laugh taking over his diaphragm. Dennis tapped their bottles together again, looking pleased with himself. They lingered awhile longer, finishing their drinks and talking about Dennis’s plans to log hours with the PTMC street team while waiting for his residency start date in December. “Did you drive?” He finally asked. “We should walk this off.”
“Yeah I drove…and you’re right.”
Robby settled the tab.
They put on their coats. The night they stepped out into still felt relatively young. They walked down Liberty Avenue almost aimlessly, watching their breath turn to steam in the frosty air.
Bloomfield was a quieter neighborhood but it felt downright monastic tonight as the bar sounds faded behind them. The moon hung fat and full. They turned down a residential street. Robby had parked his truck at the end of it.
“Can I ask you a question?” Dennis broke the silence. The crack in his voice made Robby slow his stride. “I’m officially done being a student. We’re going to be working together again.” Robby stopped walking altogether. The cold was making the younger man’s eyes water. “What happens now?”
Fear pierced like a Y shaped incision. Dennis was cracking his knuckles one by one, seemingly equally nervous.
The houses around them were glowing faintly. Leftover Halloween decorations overlapped with the early beginnings of Christmas decor. Someone was playing music in an upper floor apartment. Snowflakes began to catch and collect on their shoulders.
“Do you…want to stop?” Robby asked, sucking in a deep breath, fighting to remember one of any of the dozens of stupid acronyms he was working on in therapy. Anything to un-fuck his mind and stop his knee jerk reactions before he fucked something up too badly to repair. “I’d understand if you did.”
“No.” Dennis shook his head immediately. “The opposite I think.” He seemed anxious about the idea, even as he said the words. “I don’t need us to be…like, out…or making promises or anything. I think I just need to know that….we’re okay?”
Robby stepped forward, hands fitting themselves around Dennis’s face. The younger man’s eyes widened.
They didn’t do this.
Not outside.
Not where people could see.
But Robby kissed him, firm and confident.
The weight of it was not lost on Dennis. He was smiling as it ended, even with a stray tear leaking from the corner of his eye.
“I don’t know what happens now.” Robby admitted, catching the tear and wiping it away. Dennis’s hands curled in the lapels of Robby’s Carhartt jacket. “I’ve put you in an uncomfortable position.” Robby’s hands moved to Dennis’s hips.
“I’m not uncomfortable.” Dennis clarified. “It’s just…new. Something we should do right, I guess. Whatever that means for us.”
“You might not feel it yet but-“ Robby’s brow furrowed.
“But you are?” Dennis frowned.
“No. And that’s probably part of the problem.”
“I wouldn’t call it a problem. I trust you.” Dennis pulled on Robby’s jacket. “Do you trust me?”
“It might not be that simple, Dennis.”
“What if it is?” His breath stuttered, gaze falling to Robby’s lips again. Neither could help it. They met in the middle.
The kiss was soft. Careful.
It rattled them both.
Robby twisted his fingers in Dennis’s belt loops. The urge to flee was inescapable.
“What if we got out of the city for a while?” He asked. Dennis’s smile smoothed over the curl of anxiety wrapping around them both. “On me, of course. We can celebrate you. Think about what comes next.”
“I’d uh…really like that.” He tugged on Robby’s jacket. “As long as you let me pay you back a little when I’m on payroll…and don’t leave me out there.”
“Sooner leave myself out there.”
“Don’t do that either.” Dennis scoffed, hand sliding up Robby’s chest. He traced a shape over his heart with his middle finger, movements slow. It felt like the same star on the chain around Robby’s neck. It took his breath away.
I see you.
Plain as day.
Robby leaned down to kiss him again, helpless to resist.
~
Trinity was dozing on the couch when he got home, the TV playing one of her comfort movies on low volume. She couldn’t name a single Lord of the Rings character, but she knew the movies shot for shot. The Council of Elrond was just warming up on screen.
“Heyo.”
“Hi.”
“How’s Mr. Mystery Man?” She yawned, not opening her eyes.
“Good.” Dennis stepped out of his boots. He dropped his snow-damp jacket on the doorknob to dry. “Are you awake?”
“Sixty percent.”
“Can I tell you something? It’s…kind of big.” Trinity’s head popped up over the arm of the couch.
“One hundred percent.”
Dennis laughed, despite his nerves. He fell heavily on the couch. Trinity sat up and shared her blanket, tossing it over his lap.
“I’ve been wanting to tell you this, but I also wanted to wait until I knew what to say.” He took a deep breath. Her eyes went big.
“You’re moving out?”
“No, no. Of course not.” Dennis sucked in a breath. “I’ve been uh…seeing Robby. Outside of work. A lot.”
“Well duh.”
“Not in the professional sense.”
A half dozen emotions flickered across Trinity’s face.
“Robby is Mr. Mystery Man?” Dennis nodded. “Wait, why are you crying?” Trinity grabbed his chin. “Did he-“
“No. Sorry. I’m nervous. I just didn’t want you to be upset.”
“Dude I’m so cool. I’m fine. I’m cool.” She released his face and squeezed his shoulder. “Sorry. Start at the top.”
“I came onto him first. Nothing happened until the party at Dana’s…when I finished rotation. It was kind of dumb luck you went home with someone else too, so I chickened out of telling you at first. I didn’t go home. We went to his place. You and I were just so busy that week… I promise I’ve never lied to you. I just…let you think I was dating around.”
“So whenever I asked for the apartment over the past few months…you were with him every time. That makes sense.” Trinity nodded. “Shit. I knew you guys were staying kinda close and you had a fat crush but I never thought-“
“Yeah.” Dennis rubbed the back of his neck. “It wasn’t…coffee and networking or mentoring or whatever. Never has been.”
Trinity took a breath. Nodded.
“Can I ask some questions?” She asked, rubbing her eyes.
“Of course.”
“Has he ever asked you to do something you didn’t want to do?”
“No.” Dennis shook his head.
“Is he nice to you?”
“Very.”
“Pays for stuff?”
“More than he should.”
“Talks to you?”
“More often than you’d expect. Sometimes that’s all we do.”
“Has he ever been rough with you?”
“Only when I ask for it.”
“Oh EW-“ Trinity hit him with a throw pillow, clobbering him in the head with a solid whap. “Did he withhold a recommendation letter?”
“He wrote it the last week of the rotation, before I ever touched him. But we both thought it would still feel unfair to both of us if anything…came out. So when I was applying to residencies I listed Dr. Shen as my reference at PTMC. Dana helped too.”
“You know Robby dated a resident before?” Trinity continued.
“Yes.”
“I hear it didn’t go well.”
“Yes. It’s one of a few things that got him to pull the trigger on therapy.” Dennis said. “You didn’t hear that from me though. Seriously. Lock and key.”
“Got it.” Trinity finally blinked, processing the weight of it. “I guess that’s good. He won’t be your boss. You’ll have a different attending in surgery.”
“Yep.”
“He’ll just be…my boss.” Trinity fiddled with the end of her pony tail. “He’s been…calmer. Sort of.”
“I think so too.” Dennis nodded. “Is he good to you?”
“Certainly not the worst I’ve ever had.” Trinity shrugged.
“What do you think of him?” Dennis picked at a thread on the blanket.
“Tall.” Trinity worried her bottom lip. The silence was a bit too loud. Dennis sighed, letting his head fall back on the couch. “What? He’s not my type.” They shared a laugh. “I think he can be a loose cannon. But I kind of like that about it. He’s usually fighting for the right reasons. When someone calls him out on shit he at least tries to do better. He and Samira have locked horns a couple times in front of me but I think they respect each other. Not perfect, but not awful. Kind of an average dude, I guess.” She thought about it some more. “Have you ever dated someone older than you?”
“Couple times.” Dennis nodded. “And trust me, I didn’t see this actually happening either. Let alone…working. I should have told you sooner. I’m sorry. Time just kind of slips by when I’m with him.” He exhaled heavily, eyes blurry.
“You really like him, huh?”
“Yeah. I do.” He croaked, on the verge of tears again.
“Did something happen?” Trinity ran a hand through his hair, ever perceptive.
“Tonight I asked him what he wanted to do when I started back at PTMC. He seemed just as lost as me. For a second I thought…he might break things off. He’s terrified of fucking up my shit.”
“Rightfully so. But he didn’t?”
“No. He wants to plan a trip. Just the two of us. To celebrate me graduating and to get on the same page about what we’re going to do.”
“That sounds…sweet.” Trinity sighed. “Okay. Don’t laugh. Can I see your arms?” Dennis raised an eyebrow but laid both his arms in her lap without a fight. She pushed his sleeves up to examine his skin. She was methodic…as if practiced. Knuckles. Wrists. Forearms.
Oh.
Dennis stood, taking initiative and shucking his hoodie and shirt off like he often did the moment he got home. He spun casually and dutifully ignored the tears in Trinity’s eyes as she blinked them away as rapidly as possible. He let her see his chest and back.
No bruises. A few light, consensual scratches on his back. The remains of a light, accidental hickey on his collar bone.
No new scars. No wounds.
“I feel really good with him. And I just want it to last as long as it can.” Dennis said.
“What do you guys talk about?” There wasn’t any judgement in her tone...just something curious. Sisterly. He settled on the couch again.
“Everything. Nothing. I think we’re both trying to figure out similar things.”
“Like what?”
“Like why we’re still here…and how we keep doing this.” Dennis sighed. “Best places for pierogis.” Trinity groaned. “Also a lotta music talk if we’re being honest. He shows me movies I show him bands he missed out on.” Trinity laughed, scrubbing a hand over her face.
“How bad are the movies?”
“Eh, not terrible.” He shrugged. “But why the hell is Godfather II so long?”
“Cause it’s a banger, duh.” Trinity knocked her head against his shoulder and sniffed, collecting herself before sitting up again. “Do I like…need to be nicer to him or something?”
“Last thing I want is for you to ever change.” He said sincerely. “And I’d never have him like, over here. This is our space.”
“I appreciate that.” She looked touched. “I’m kind of surprised. Usually I can tell when my friends are in a… long term something. But you’ve never made me feel like I was in the way of anything.”
“Because you’re not.” He insisted.
“You still spend a lot of time here.” She realized. “I really had no clue…thought you were just doin’ hot boy shit when I was busy and you were bored. Terrorizing the men of Pittsburgh, or something.”
“We like our personal space too. I don’t expect that to change. I’m not trying to move into his house full-time or anything. Not right now.”
“Okay.” Trinity whispered to herself. “Okay.” She nodded. “This sounds…as normal as it can be.”
“My daily affirmation.” Dennis chuckled.
“Well. Shit. Congrats, man. Never thought you’d have it in you.”
“You don’t have to like it if you don’t want to.”
“I’m….neutral. No-” She thought a moment. “Undecided. Pending judgment.” All Dennis could do was smile. Trinity smiled back.
“We’re going to take a trip. Kind of why I wanted to tell you. You’ll have the place to yourself for a few days next week, weekend included.”
“I’m warming up to this idea.” Trinity joked, eyes glassy with unshed tears. Dennis squeezed her knee. He went for a shower and changed into more comfortable clothes. He rejoined her on the couch, accepting his roll as foot stool. “For the record, Huckleberry. I’d treat anyone coming after you the same way.”
“Appreciate it. But don’t worry yourself sick or anything. I’m a big boy.”
“Big boys are famously, always saying this.” They giggled together. Trinity yawned and let herself go back to dozing. “I know I’m a weird friend. I’ve got hang ups. I get possessive. I wish I could be more normal about things.” She said. Dennis slouched into their couch and propped his own feet on the coffee table. He let his arm fall heavily across her knees.
“You have your reasons. I happen to think they’re almost always good ones.”
Trinity didn’t open her eyes. She blindly located his arm and squeezed his hand tight.
~
Robby found Jack and Dana sharing a lighter in the ambulance bay. Their cigarettes smoke braided together across the dusky evening sky.
Dana held the pack out to him. He shook his head and sunk his hands in the pockets of his hoodie.
“What’s new, brother?” Jack greeted him.
“Nothin’ much. Just updated the schedule. I’m gonna take some PTO next week.”
“Shit. Who died?” Dana did a double take.
“Nobody. Just felt like it.” His friends narrowed their eyes at him in unison. “What? Nobody died! I’m gonna do some hiking.” Dana reached up towards his forehead with the back of her hand, checking for fever. He batted her away with a snort.
“Hold on - let’s hear him out, slugger.” Jack laughed. “Where at?”
“Ohiopyle.” Robby answered.
“Our old spot?” Jack bounced an eyebrow.
“Yeah. I’ve been thinking about it. Wanted to get out before all the leaves were gone.”
“Not a bad idea.” Jack took a long breath. “You taking him?”
“HIM?!” Dana shrieked and choked on her drag, the resulting coughing fit making her double over.
“Oops.” Jack winked. Robby rolled his eyes. The night shift attending left them to it, heading out to start working. He squeezed Robby’s arm as he passed. “Don’t get naked under any waterfalls. Gettin cold as shit out there.”
“Jesus Christ.” Dana wheezed. “Michael Robinavitch. How fucking dare you. I always tell you when I have a hot date.”
“Dana you’re married.”
“It’s the principle of the thing.”
“Listen, Danes…” He sighed, rubbing the back of his neck. “It’s still new.”
“Alright, alright.” She gave his shoulder a soft punch. “Explains why you’ve been marginally easier to deal with lately.” He feigned pain, as if stabbed. “Didn’t know you actually swung both ways either! What a day.”
“Doesn’t everyone?” He teased back.
“Watch it mister.” She got a handful of his hoodie this time. “Is he nice?”
“Too nice.” Robby sighed.
“Handsome?”
“Exceedingly.”
“Taller than you?”
“No.”
“We can work around that.” Dana shrugged. “Do I know him?” Robby hesitated. Her eyes sparkled. “I do!” He saw her brain work a mile a minute.
“Used to work here. Hasn’t for awhile.” Robby exhaled, hands suddenly a little sweaty. “He’ll work for PTMC again soon. December, I think. Not with us, though.”
“Oh I KNEW it!” Dana shook him by the hoodie. “Oh that’s nuts. You’re crazy.” She cackled. “Donnie owes me thirty bucks.”
“Fuck me.” Robby sighed, allowing himself to go pliant and be jostled for another minute.
“Are we keeping this a secret?” Dana asked.
“For the time being.”
“Got it.” Dana dropped her cigarette butt and scraped her shoe across it. “You’re not much of a cradle robber, Robinavitch. Your last few flings were even a little older than you. What gives? Daddy issues?” Robby pinched the bridge of his nose.
“Me? Plenty. Him? Not yet.”
Dana released him with another laugh. It was the most unfiltered delight he had seen on her face in months.
“Sorry. Had to fuck with you a little. He’s practically 30, right? I don’t think you’re a pervert or anything, yet.”
“Thanks?”
“I’ve been waiting for something to happen. He looks at you like you hung the moon. Cute as hell. Few of us hoped he’d make a move…especially after you drove him home after his last shift.”
“Yeah. Jack warned me.” Robby sighed. “And I’ve recently come into the realization that you and him are kinda important to me. Thought I should uh…start the conversation? Since it’s going to be a…thing, probably?”
“You old softie. C’mere.” She tossed her arms around his neck and pulled him down into a hug. “And boy am I glad to hear you’re taking a fucking day off.”
“Me too.” He had to bend down to embrace her properly. She slapped his back a little too hard, but something warm unfurled in his chest. They had known each other for a long fucking time, now. One win felt like everyone’s wins.
“So he graduated. And matched to PTMC?” She held him at arms length, as if to get a better look at him.
“Yeah. Surgery. He’ll be upstairs with Fred Miller and Garcia.”
“Amazing. So we’ll still see him around.” Dana beamed. “Are you happy?”
“Yeah.”
“What’s this face? Why do you look like I served you a life sentence?”
“I think I was just preparing for more of a lashing.”
“Oh no thank you, I’ll leave the spanking to Gloria. And Whitaker too now, I suppose.”
“Jesus Christ.”
“Jack said you start seeing someone else, too. A therapist?” Dana crossed her arms. “We don’t have to talk about it. Just wanted to say, I’m proud. And I think I might just follow your example.”
Robby’s throat got tight. He put an arm around her shoulders as they headed back inside.
~
Robby’s truck pulled up to the curb shortly after he got off shift. Dennis shouldered his back pack and duffle and braced the cold, letting the foyer door of his apartment building slam behind him. The sun had set just a few minutes ago and the temperature was still falling. He slung his belongings in the back seat and scrambled into place in the passenger seat, molars chattering involuntarily.
“Hey.”
“Hi.”
Robby had ditched the scrubs for jeans and a fleecy zippered sweater, dark green collar popped up against the back of his neck. Dennis hesitated a fraction of a second before leaning over the console. Robby didn’t leave him hanging. The hand that caught Dennis by the chin and then slid into his hair was beautifully warm. It started brief but they made the mistake of looking at each other.
“Hey.” Robby repeated, tugged him into another kiss. Dennis let his mouth fall open, delighting in the instant gratification of Robby nipping at his bottom lip.
Another shudder raced down Dennis’s spine as he settled in his seat. Robby cleared his throat, equally affected. He released the parking break.
“All set?” He asked. Dennis nodded, trying not to look as giddy as he felt. “You look good.” Robby’s ears were red. Dennis looked down, smiling all the while. It had been a calculated move, wearing one of Robby’s flannels over his own TV shirt and jeans. Worth it.
It was Thursday night.
A long weekend was unfolding in front of them.
Their moods were high.
Robby pulled back into the flow of traffic. He popped open the center console, a quiet offer. Dennis perused the CDs and quickly slipped Prince’s Purple Rain into the disc player.
The city lights bounced off the Monongahela River, even with a heavy fog bringing the sky down to touch the tops of all the buildings. The yellow struts of the Tenth Street Bridge whipped past the windows.
Their quiet was comfortable. The out-bound traffic wasn’t too bad. Dennis tugged Robby’s hand off the gear shift and rested it against his thigh. He kept looking out the window, but he could see Robby smiling from the corner of his eye.
“We’ll stop and pick up some groceries when we get closer. Otherwise, just about an hour and a half of this.” Robby said, sliding his hand up to sit comfortably in the join of the other man’s leg and hip.
“How was your day?”
“Long.” Robby sighed. “Glad it’s over.”
“Me too.”
“Were you with the street team today?”
“Yeah.”
“Tell me about it.” Robby swept his thumb in warm circles on his leg.
~
“Thirty seven…that’s it?” Dennis was in disbelief, twisting in his seat to make sure he read the town’s sign right. The local population had made his jaw drop.
“Year round residents.” Robby clarified. “Travelers and seasonal cabin dwellers bump it up quite a bit. Welcome to Ohiopyle.”
“Named after…a pile of Ohios?” Dennis straightened in his seat.
Robby laughed.
“It’s a Lenape word. I think it means turning white…people drive hours for the water out here. Rafting. Water falls. Views.”
“What river is this?” Dennis asked, catching sight of the rapids after the next bend in the road.
“The Youghiogheny.”
“Now you’re fucking with me.” Dennis gave him a look that suggested he didn’t believe a word he was saying.
“What? Mr. Broken Bow has issues with the Pennsylvania naming conventions, now?” Dennis laughed at that.
“Simpler times. A man sees something on the ground, names a town after it, and that’s the end of that.”
“Paragon of American ingenuity.”
“Isn’t it?” Dennis grinned. The central part of town was gone in a blink. There were a few places to eat, drink, and rent every kind of outdoor equipment under the sun. The river followed the road for a stretch. It was full and frothy in the halo of their headlights.
“Really good coffee back there. We can come back in the morning.” Robby said.
Twenty minutes and a few twisty, single lane gravel roads later; they were pulling up to their cabin.
“Holy shit.” Dennis said. It was beautiful. He stepped out of the truck to get a better look.
It was two stories tall, a traditional log exterior holding up a red tin roof. Big, beautiful windows on each level gave it a more modern look. Snow was gathering on the eaves of the roof and crunching under their boots as they unloaded the truck. Robby jogged up and retrieved a key from a lock box, punching in the code he had set with the rental company.
The interior seemed like a mid-century modern exhibit in a museum Dennis probably couldn’t afford to wander around. Polished wood floors. Plush shaggy carpets. Terracotta kitchen tiles. Low, extra deep and wide cushy furniture dripping in pillows and woven fabrics. An impressive deer head hung over a stone fireplace. A spiral staircase led to a loft rather than a full second story, where the bedroom certainly awaited. The light switch triggered lamps instead of overhead lighting. Warm orangey lights pooled in the corners of the room. Dennis hustled their groceries into an honest-to-god blue smeg fridge while Robby set to lighting the logs waiting in the hearth.
“This is insane.” Dennis crossed his arms, trying not to laugh as Robby fussed with the long fireplace matches. “You’re insane.” He came up behind him, standing close to where he was kneeling so he could rub the back of Robby’s neck. The match finally lit. Dennis located the kindling box. He knelt down and they fed the fire together.
“Jack and I stayed here once a few years ago. Booked it entirely by accident for a casual hiking weekend.” Dennis laughed at the image it conjured.
“Now that’s romantic.” Robby pulled a face.
“Well. Certainly an upgrade from his old ass bug-out tent. Would have preferred he bought me dinner first but…” Dennis cackled, using Robby’s shoulder to stand himself up again.
“Looks like there’s enough wood for a few hours stacked in the kitchen.” He said.
“There’s radiator heating, but stuff for splitting logs out back if you want to keep this going.” Robby nodded. He looked into the blaze, hand trailing across the back of Dennis’s knee.
“I miss having a fire place.” Dennis said quietly, smiling as Robby curled an arm around his thigh and pressed a kiss to his hip before standing. “We had one kind of like this in the house I grew up in.”
“Well. We can have as many as you like.” Robby kissed the side of his neck. “You hungry?”
“I could eat.”
~
They made it about as far as putting vegetables on the counter. Robby’s brain came online about twenty minutes after this valiant effort towards making dinner, finding himself sitting in the corner of the couch with a lap full of Dennis.
Their hips ground together languidly, fighting to get closer. Dennis moaned low in the back of his throat, folding his arms around Robby’s neck and leaning all his weight down onto the other man’s chest, pinning him to the back of the couch.
Robby exhaled slowly through his nostrils until his lungs screamed for air. He rolled his tongue over the other man’s and inhaled sharply, breathing him in as deeply as possible. Dennis’s hips stuttered. He pulled away with a gasp, chin red and mouth puffy from Robby’s beard. He laid shaky fingers over the older man’s mouth, hips still rolling gently.
The fire crackled.
Dennis watched with blown pupils as Robby kissed and nipped at his finger tips.
“If we don’t make dinner I’m going to fuck you on this couch…” Dennis mumbled. Robby chuckled, hand sliding around Dennis’s wrist and pulling his hand away.
“Counter offer.” He kissed Dennis on the palm and pushed his hips up, causing the younger man to groan and chase the sensation. “I watch you come in your pants. You shower, I make us dinner.”
“Jesus.” Dennis whined, trying to get to his knees and put some space between them. “Hold on.” He laughed, internally mortified at how bubbly and giggly he got as Robby wrestled him back down and blew a teasing, utterly juvenile, raspberry against his neck. “Hold on, hold on.” Dennis laughed, pushing down on Robby’s shoulders as the other man’s hands grabbed at his ticklish ribs.
Robby paused obediently, hands held to either side in surrender.
“Too much?” His gaze was soft. Dennis shook his head, kissing him gently without dropping eye contact.
“We have all weekend.” Robby dropped his forehead to Dennis’s chest and pressed his lips to his pounding heart. He got his arms around Dennis’s waist and held him tight. Dennis slipped his fingers into Robby’s hair. “And I want to cook for you tonight.”
“Too fuckin’ sweet.” Robby mumbled to himself, leaning Dennis back to kiss a little further down his chest, searing through his shirt.
It took a few more minutes, but they eventually got back to the vegetables on the kitchen counter.
~
Robby was only allowed to drink wine and watch.
There was a radio in the kitchen. Dennis found a station that seemed to loop slow, staticky country music. It wasn’t their genre of choice, but it felt appropriate. Dennis collected one large pot from the collection under the sink and rummaged around the communal spice rack.
“Do you like to cook?” Robby wondered. They did it together sometimes, but with minimal complexity. They both had a bad habit of scarfing and running on to the next task.
“I like to eat.” Dennis clarified. “Trinity thought I was looking too skinny when I moved in with her. She taught me some stuff around the kitchen. So I’ve been working on backtracking the stuff I liked to eat as a kid and teaching her too.”
“Her adobo is the talk of the break room.” He nodded. “Is there much overlap between Midwest and Filipino cuisine?” He teased.
“Oh not at all. She’s still trying to find a way to punish me for the snickers salad I put in her lunch a few weeks ago.”
The silence stretched for a whole minute.
“I’m sorry…what?”
“Don’t start. Everybody’s moms had a pudding or a jello salad thing-“
“Hate to say it…but no…”
Dennis sipped his own wine while chopping and dicing. They laughed and continued to tease about childhood comfort foods as he browned ground beef in a mixture of onion, peppers, carrots, garlic, and celery. He measured out pinches of salt, red pepper, and black pepper before adding russet potatoes, a chopped tomato, and a tomato paste. Robby watched with fascination as a whole head of cabbage was reduced down into the pot.
Dennis whipped up a broth with bouillon and water, brought the soup to boil, and then left it to simmer. The house took on a mouth watering aroma.
“It’s really coming down.” Dennis looked outside through the window above the kitchen sink. Their reflections took up most of the glass, but snowflakes fell thick and fast just beyond the trick or the light.
Robby stood, swaying a little, warm and full of a delicious pinot. He stood behind Dennis, wrapping his arms around his shoulders and pressing a kiss to his hair. Dennis leaned on him with a sigh. They looked at each other in the reflection, rocking ever so slightly to the radio.
“This is the nicest thing anyone’s ever done for me.” Dennis let his head fall back on Robby’s shoulder as the man kissed his temple and his cheek. Affectionate gestures. Seeing them reflected back in the glass made them feel almost new…like they were happening for the first time. Dennis let his eyes fall shut for a brief moment.
“You deserve nice things.” Robby said in a low voice against his temple. They watched the snow.
They ate beef and cabbage stew at the kitchen island. The first bottle of wine disappeared with ease. After sharing a long shower, the length of the day and the warmth of the meal caught up with them. A malaise of their respective patients, volunteer hours, and travel out of Pittsburgh made their morning seem especially far behind them. The fire burned out as they dressed for bed.
Dennis locked up before joining Robby under the heavy quilts on the king sized bed. The large windows in the loft faced the trees. With all the lights off they could see nothing but stars and snow playing between the patchy branches. Dennis pressed himself up to Robby’s back.
“Thank you.” Dennis pressed a kiss to the top of his spine and mumbled the words into his hair.
“What for?”
Robby could tell from the cadence of his breathing that the other man was already asleep, arm draped heavily over Robby’s hip so he couldn’t go far without him. He smothered his laugh in the pillow and followed Dennis’s example.
It wasn’t lost on him that sleep came at the snap of a finger when Dennis held him like this.
~
Robby tried not to feel grumpy about waking up alone. The sheets were cool, the morning was gray…ideal conditions for forcing Dennis Whitaker to sleep in with him.
Robby rubbed the sleep from his eyes and sat up in bed. He could see through the loft railing. A fire was crackling merrily in the hearth downstairs, but Dennis didn’t appear to be there either. The bathroom was empty. Their things were relatively undisturbed.
A rhythmic knocking seemed to be coming from outside.
Robby yawned and kick started his morning routine, throwing on an old tank top and sweat pants before brushing his teeth and investigating.
He discovered a cliche of epic proportions…so much so that Robby had to wonder if it was actually happening.
He blinked. Hard.
Well.
The knock was an axe.
The axe was swinging.
Up.
Down.
Up.
Down.
The axe was in the hands of Dennis Whitaker.
A shirtless Dennis Whitaker.
A shirtless Dennis Whitaker was swinging an axe, breaking down pre-cut logs to size for firewood behind the cabin. The view was framed almost perfectly by the kitchen window. The snow laid thick and heavy on the trees enclosing their getaway and the flakes kept coming, swirling around Dennis as he worked.
Pink shoulders. Rippling muscles. Fluid movements. Snow pants falling off his hips.
The wood parted like water. Dennis toed the split logs to the side and reached for a new, unbroken piece of wood.
Robby belatedly realized he was gripping the edge of the sink hard enough to hurt his own fingers. Dennis dropped the axe one last time, leaving it notched in the tree trunk he had been using as a base. Dennis loaded both arms with firewood and began heading back towards the kitchen, breaking fresh snow with his boots. The snowflakes falling from the early morning sky had already filled his tracks in from whenever he had ventured out.
Robby snapped back into his body and suppressed his lust long enough to yank the kitchen door open. The wind fought his efforts, but he managed to get the younger man inside.
“Whew!” Dennis dropped his cargo in the rack just beside the door. It was far too full, as if Dennis had made multiple trips already. Robby quickly closed off the door.
“Didn’t your mother ever tell you you’d catch your death in the cold? Must be ten degrees out there.” He chastised.
“More like 30. But yes, of course she did.” Dennis brushed bark off his arms and chest. He was wide eyed. Exhilarated. Flushed. “I was born in a snow storm.” He shrugged, as if that explained everything. “Hope I didn’t wake you up.”
“Not at all.” Robby lied, hand moving before he could think better of it. He pressed the backs of his fingers to one of those ruddy, flushed cheeks.
Dennis’s chest heaved.
Exertion.
Delight.
His skin was cold to the touch. Borderline wind-burnt. Robby’s eyes slipped down. Dennis’s lips were parted. Panting. His throat bobbed.
The sight was entirely familiar to Robby at this point. Two pectorals. Well defined. Noticeable biceps, thicker than one might assume under the wide sleeves of scrubs. A firm, wide abdomen that had gradually transitioned from scrawny to well fed. Fuzzy, dirty blond hair beneath his naval. Robby could see it all when he closed his eyes, as if it had been burned into his retinas. He’d tattoo it behind his eyelids too, if he could.
Fingers brushed against Robby’s shirt before curling in the fabric. Dennis seemed unbothered by the staring. He tilted his chin up, looking more amused than anything.
“You still with me?” He gazed dropped to Robby’s sweatpants…loose enough to form a tent around his erection.
Robby trailed his fingers down and fit a loose hand around the base of Dennis’s neck, massaging the side of his throat lightly with his thumb. Dennis preened, both hands sliding around Robby’s hips as he pushed his throat a little more firmly into the grasp.
“Fuck me.” Robby muttered, leaning down to seal their mouths together in a brutal kiss.
~
The world became a narrow, slow drip of intoxicating sensations once they got upstairs.
Robby traced a path down Dennis with his tongue, neck to naval, rubbing and teasin lube-slicked fingers between the younger man’s ass cheeks. He licked and sucked teasingly at the head of his weeping cock.
“Fuck.”
“Just relax for me.” Robby murmured. “Gonna make you feel good.”
Blurs of motion. Heat. Heavy breathing.
Dennis buried his face in a pillow with a shout as Robby manhandled him onto his stomach, replacing his fingers with his mouth.
“Just like that.” Dennis choked.
Soft moans became…less soft.
Robby fought to keep his eyes open as Dennis swallowed around his cock, staring up at him from under his lashes, kneeling between his legs, pulling him closer and closer to the edge of the bed until Robby got a hand in his hair and yanked him back into his arms, none too gently.
“Yes, fuck.”
Dennis pulled the condom out of Robby’s hands and tossed it unopened on the side table.
Tears blurred Robby’s vision as Dennis chanted his name. The younger man laid heavily on top of him to suck on his tongue and frot their cocks together.
Dennis moaned wantonly.
“Need you.” He panted. Robby’s got his hand around his throat again. “So bad.”
The heavy head of Robby’s dick tapped the small of Dennis’s back before sliding inside of him.
He ground himself hard and heavy inside of him but didn’t thrust until Dennis cried. Robby rubbed his palm up and down his throat encouragingly, ran his tongue over his ear.
“What do you need, Denny?” Robby held himself perfectly still then. The blood rushed in his ears. Dennis thrust himself needily into the sheets, jammed his hips back onto Robby’s cock.
“God - please…fucking…help…”
“Shhh shhh shh, breathe baby. I can help you. Just tell me what you need.” Robby’s chest heaved. Dennis dropped his forehead to the mattress.
“Hard.” Dennis sucked in a breath, sobbed. “Not fast.”
“Good boy…so so good.” Robby sighed, dropping his brow to the back of his head. He released Dennis’s throat to drop to an elbow. Dennis seemed to grieve the loss until Robby gave him his arm. The younger man pressed his sweaty face to the crook of his elbow. Robby couldn’t help but his flex his arm a little, curling his wrist up, gently catching Dennis’s chin and putting a little pressure on his cheeks. A soft headlock. He checked to make sure no pressure was on his throat before he thrust.
“Need it so bad, baby.” Dennis wept.
“Can I make you come?” Robby asked in his ear, infuriatingly polite.
“Right now, fuck, need it right fucking now Michael - pleasepleaseplease.”
The orgasm felt like it couldn’t end.
Minutes passed. Dennis still felt like he was coming as he thrust his half hard dick against the inside of Robby’s thigh and fisted the other man’s cock in his hand. “Give it to me, baby. C’mon.”
“Shit, the mouth on you.” Robby mumbled, panting hard against his lips. Dennis laughed deliriously.
“All for you. Only for you. You make me feel so good.”
Robby came so hard it almost hurt.
~
They dozed in and out of consciousness.
Robby dimly registered fingers on his chest. He kept his eyes closed and breathed deeply.
He was learning that mindfulness wasn’t necessarily about asserting control over himself, but about nudging his attention in directions that mattered.
There was soft skin against his temple. Dennis was sharing his pillow, nudging his brow there. A warm weight was settled over his thigh, under his hand. Dennis’s leg was lying over his, his own hand tucked in the bend of the younger man’s knee.
Warmth.
Soft breathes on his cheek.
Fingers tracing shapes on his chest.
“I’m so grateful for you.” Dennis’s voice was thick with emotion.
Robby opened his eyes. That was the second time the sentiment had been shared.
“Come here.” They folded in even further, arms tangled around each other. Dennis tucked his face into Robby’s neck and cupped the back of his neck, keeping him close. Robby tangled his fingers in Dennis’s hair. “I’m always wondering where you are. What you’re doing. If you’re okay.” He took another deep breath; soaking in the evidence of their bodies, his cologne on Dennis’s skin - the remnants of wood and snow and wind. “You’re always on my mind.” Robby exhaled. Dennis kissed his throbbing pulse. “I worry about whether you’re eating and drinking enough. Sleeping through the night.” Robby rubbed his cheek against the other man’s hair. “I want to know if you mean it when you say you’re happy…that you’re not just getting by.” Dennis fidgeted, trying to get closer. He shifted his weight and pressed their chests more squarely together. It became far harder to breathe but the burden was precious.
“I’ve never been so happy.” Dennis’s breath wavered, as if he was trying not to cry. “You know when I was young, they told us we should strive to be a mirror…so that people would see providence through us. Like, our actions and speech should be the reflection of God. Do you know what I mean?”
“I think so.”
“As I’ve gotten older, I know I only want to be a reflection of the people I love. The best of my friends. The people that really touch me. Change me for the better.” Dennis kissed Robby’s neck again. “I hope people see you in me every day…at least the pieces and ideas I’ve stolen from you over time.” Robby screwed his eyes shut. “Not just as a doctor, as a person. The way you care. And feel things…with every ounce of you. I know it seems like you feel too much sometimes but…I admire it so fucking much. People are so obsessed with feeling less…and it drives me crazy. It’s so cold.”
“It feels impossible that this keeps happening. That I get to have you like this.” Robby listened to his own voice break.
“You can have me….” Dennis said softly. “…as long as you want.” He kissed Robby’s shoulder. Robby swept his free hand up and down his back, kneading gently at his lower back. Dennis hummed happily.
“It’s a two way street, though. What do you want?” Robby asked in earnest.
“To be this close. As long as possible.” Dennis nuzzled against the base of Robby’s neck and squeezed his hip.
~
Kneeling in the shower was worth the momentary discomfort. The bathroom was bigger than what he was used to. It gave him more room to work. Robby washed the lube and spend off of Dennis’s body, mindful of the places that still felt tender in the afterglow.
He took his time.
~
Dried and dressed, they drove back into town for brunch and caffeine. The views in the daylight were outstanding. Snow and shards of ice surfed the wide curves of the swollen river. Frost kissed everything.
Robby stopped at the state park visitor center first to pick up trail maps. They ate like they were half starved from a place that made sinfully large coffees and delicious sandwiches. They dissected a few routes they could manage that afternoon and the other days of their trip.
It wasn’t long before they were wandering footpaths, sealed off from the world, surrounded by nothing but trees and rushing water. Dennis stopped every few minutes to take pictures, catching light inside tiny icicles and documenting all the color variations in the last remaining leaves clinging to the trees. Robby didn’t mind. He didn’t even complain when Dennis requested he pose so he could take his portrait too.
They slid past a small family on the trail, but didn’t see any other faces. In a rare twist of luck, they got the Cucumber Falls overlook to themselves.
“Wow.” Dennis caught his breath. Sparkling water plunged 40 feet over a rocky cliff, carrying away bright yellow leaves and patches of snow.
“We can get closer.” Robby pointed out a steep gravel path cutting down the hill.
“Let me take your picture first.” Dennis took his phone out again.
“What for?”
“You’re smiley today. I want to remember this.”
“Get both of us then.” Robby shrugged…but he couldn’t stop smiling.
Dennis’s cheeks and nose were turning pink. They used the self timer and engineered a shitty short tripod using Robby’s backpack.
Dennis tucked a hand in Robby’s back pocket and tilted his head against his shoulder. The screen flashed as it captured them.
It captured them again as Robby wrapped an arm around Dennis, printing a whisker-y kiss on his temple.
And again as they laughed at the corny absurdity of it all.
They braved the steeper trail down to stand in the frigid water. The thunder of the waterfall echoed in their chests. The slick rocks around them were shining with ice.
They headed for the Ferncliff trail next, where they stopped to watch deer cross the path and scamper off into a wide meadow. The views of the river were breathtaking. A brave group of white water rafters, probably the last of the season, rushed by whooping with exhilaration on the roaring water. Children played on the banks. A few old men fished.
They got out of sight of the others and stopped to rest by the water for a while, sharing a fallen tree like a bench.
“What are you thinking about?” Dennis asked.
“Nothing…blessedly.” Robby dug around in his bag until he found what he was looking for. Two mini bottles. Dennis snorted.
“Jack Daniels? My my my, Dr. Robinavitch.” He accepted one without complaint. They clinked the cheap plastic together and downed them, warming from the inside out. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you this relaxed on a weekday.” Dennis bumped their shoulders together. Robby grinned, dimly registering that it was in fact Friday.
“I feel…good.” Robby rubbed his thumb over the ridges in the mini bottle. “It’s been a minute since I’ve gotten away.” He sighed, looking up. Dennis smiled. “How does a boy born in a snow storm still get so red in the cold?” The other man snorted, rubbing a gloved hand over his nose and cheeks.
“Half of this is because of you.” Dennis finished his whiskey and collected their empties, tucking them in his own bag. “I’m about to become twice as annoying as usual, now that I know all this is here.”
“You’re not annoying.” Robby frowned.
“To myself? Supremely. Almost lethally.”
“Hey...” Robby gave him a gentle push before getting an arm around his waist. They watched the water move, tumbling over rocks and boulders older than their bloodlines. Robby bit down on the inside of his cheek. “I talk about you a lot in therapy.” Dennis gave him a long look.
“That’s…really attractive, unfortunately.”
“Dennis.”
“Sorry.” They shared a laugh. “Continue. What’s on your mind.”
“I’ve uh…I’ve never been less sure of anything in my life. Not about you but…the way I feel.” Dennis nodded, listening without judgment. “Wanting you hit me so hard I assumed it had to be just…lust. Infatuation. But right from the start I knew that’s not what it was for you. We talked. And some days all I wanted to do was listen to you talk. Or I’d be waiting all day to tell you something.” The corner of Dennis’s mouth quirked up.
“Sometimes you mention feeling guilty for not feeling…more guilty.”
“Yeah. I’m working on that right now.” Robby exhaled. “Sorry. Don’t know why I’m-“
“We came here to talk about next steps.” Dennis pointed out. “Keep going.”
”You sure?”
“Absolutely.” Dennis looked towards the water. “Best possible place for it.” Robby sighed, holding the other man closer to his side.
“Heather and I were private. Hospital policy is to report and reassign, so there is no conflict of interest. You do an interview. Sign a sub-contract for your work agreement. It’s pretty easy. Exceedingly kind compared to other places. But it would have ruined her goals for her residency to transfer and I didn’t want to leave either. We were selfish. We didn’t want anything to change. So we kept it quiet. A lot of people can manage that but we…I didn’t. I treated her differently. I didn’t prioritize her either. And I feel…terrible, about it. It’s not fair that I think about how much I fucked up with her when I think about you…but it keeps happening.”
“Is it…all the time? When we’re together?” Dennis asked.
“No.”
“Okay.” Dennis nodded. “I think that’s normal. It didn’t end well. Endings fucking hurt, even in the best of times when it’s nobody’s fault.”
“It was my fault.” The memories rolled through his mind, unbidden. The arguments. The bad calls. The tense stand offs at work. The reconciliations. The words she shared in the back of the ambulance…
“She worked with you afterwards.” Dennis pointed out.
“She left.”
“On good terms. For a much better gig. That’s our field.”
“You’re…humoring me.”
“No.” Dennis shook his head. “And I think you know that’s not fair to assume.”
“You’re right. Sorry.”
“It’s okay. I’ve been thinking about this a lot too.” Dennis worried his lip. “I mean, not Dr. Collins. What happened between you and her isn’t really my business. It’s like, my mind also gets messy. You’re not alone in that.”
“How so?”
“It’s like…the dumbest story in the book, isn’t it? Getting a fat school kid crush on the first person to give you a lick of attention in a new place. I was halfway to being a damsel in distress the day we met, looking for someone to save me. I know that isn’t how you see it, but it’s how I remember it sometimes. I go over my own mistakes and convince myself I need to be fired. And then you’re just…incredibly kind. And mind-blowingly attentive with me. I have to contend with the thought that you go out of your way for me out of pity. Or responsibility.”
“What a match.” Robby rubbed at his eyes. Dennis leaned more firmly into his side.
“We can talk about it more, if it helps.”
“I’m working up to it.” Robby nodded. “I can keep it in therapy, though. I don’t want this to feel like it’s work. I’d hate it if…resentment came into this.”
“I get that. But you don’t have to take the sharp edges off things for me, either.” Dennis shrugged. “Do you want to go the official route at PTMC?”
“I do. But I’m nervous.” Robby admitted.
“I matched into a related but separate department. We rank different but don’t have a supervisory oversight issue anymore. I know nurses in both openly married to each other.” Dennis listed off the pros.
“I do too. But they…”
“…don’t look like us.” Dennis finished where Robby trailed off.
“Yeah, exactly.” Robby sighed. “And if we survive the process but hate each other for it…”
“I get that.” Dennis nodded, mulling it over. “There’s always soft-launching.” Robby’s eyebrows raised. “What?”
“You’ll have to explain that one.”
“Oh.” Dennis laughed again. “We can take it slowly. Nothing says we have to move with urgency.”
“Now you really sound like my therapist.” Robby sighed. “So what are you thinking?”
“Well. We can see how the next year goes, for one. Keep things the way we like it. And if we survive 12 whole months of each other, we tell them. I don’t think they’re owed all the gritty timeline details… other than started after I left the ED I guess.”
“Oh yeah. A whole six hours.” Robby snorted.
“Torturous.” Dennis sighed. “Can’t believe you made me wait that long.” Robby cracked a grin, shaking his head. He met Dennis’s eyes. He scanned his face intently.
“So you really see this…long term?”
“I’m bad at that kind of stuff.” Dennis admitted. “I know I don’t want to stop. I know my feelings for you are intense but that I love the way I feel when we’re together. Whether we’re talking about medicine or fucking around or just being quiet in the same space. I know I want to keep these feelings. See more things. Spend more time with you. There’s no one else.” Robby’s eyes were red rimmed, but he was smiling. Marveling. “Maybe it’s selfish…but I don’t think it’s unfair.” He leaned in then, kissing Robby softly. “And if it feels like it’s ending, we can talk about it.”
“Your mind is so much sharper than mine sometimes.”
“We balance each other out from time to time.” Dennis curled his hand around Robby’s wrist.
Hearing his words reflected back over and over was starting to take its toll. Robby sighed deeply, dropping his forehead to the other man’s shoulder. Dennis allowed them the closeness for a moment before standing up and holding out a hand. “Deal?”
“What are we shaking on?”
“A year of trying things out. We tell people we trust. We keep our hands to ourselves on the clock. We see where this goes. If it feels like it’s not working, we say so. No hiding anything. And if we’re not sick of it after a year, we go legit.”
Robby laughed then, scrubbing a hand over his face as he stood.
“Didn’t realize I was going steady with one the Corleones.” He took Dennis’s hand in his own.
“Going steady?”
“That’s the part you take issue with?”
“Yeah, I loved The Godfather.” Dennis shrugged, shaking his hand.
“Really?”
“I’m 28. I have two degrees. I’m very smart and sophisticated. And my boyfriend’s DVD collection is extensive.”
“Unbelievable.” Robby tugged on their hands until Dennis was in his arms.
~
Dennis did circle back to fucking him on that big beautiful couch.
The sun seemed to set around 4:00 thanks to Pennsylvania’s slow slide into winter. They lit a fire and opened another bottle of wine. Dennis thrust himself inside Robby hard enough to shake the furniture.
“Shit, easy now.” Robby braced his calf on the back of the couch and fought to re-arrange himself into a more comfortable position. Dennis grinned, not apologizing for his enthusiasm. He gave shallow nudges and grinds with his hips while sipping from Robby’s glass of wine. He offered it to him with a raised eyebrow. “You’re insane.” Robby laughed, high and giddy. Dennis shrugged, dipping a finger in the cup and then hooking it in Robby’s mouth. The older man sucked it from his skin without a lick of shame, momentarily distracted from the stretch and burn. Dennis took one last small mouthful but didn’t swallow, electing to lean down after he returned the glass to the side table. The alcohol bled between their mouths and down their chins in the kiss. Dennis remained unbothered, lapping it from the hollow of Robby’s throat as the movement of his hips became bolder. Robby whined, hips raising reflexively.
“Messy.” Dennis teased, trailing open mouthed kisses up to Robby’s cheek.
“Me?” Robby feigned outrage, allowing Dennis to finish maneuvering him into a more accessible position in the corner of the couch. Dennis caught the knee not draped over the back of the couch in the crook of his elbow. He raised Robby’s leg, but kept it low against his hip to prevent undue strain. Robby couldn’t stop making noise…or touching himself. Being held open was achingly vulnerable. Dennis tracked the movement of Robby’s hand with hungry eyes.
They never did last long in this position.
Dennis braced his free hand low on Robby’s belly. He dug one knee into the couch and dropped his other foot to the floor. He sucked in a breath and pushed down on Robby’s stomach in the next thrust, sending shockwaves through both of them immediately. “Fuck fuck fuck.” Robby chanted. “I’m not-“
“Do it.” Dennis gasped. “Touch yourself some more. Please. C‘mon pretty boy.”
~
They finished the wine after another shower.
Dennis found a chessboard in a cabinet full of old games and Robby happily set it up on the coffee table, bringing along the radio from the kitchen. They sat adjacent on the floor, pulling down the couch cushions to lounge comfortably. Robby watched Dennis in the firelight, wearing a large chunky knit sweater that had been pilfered from Robby’s suitcase and briefs that showed off his beautiful legs. Regular runs around the neighborhood had treated him well. He watched Dennis plan his next move, chin in one hand, Robby’s thigh in the other. He toyed with the hem of his boxers, nudging them up higher to touch more skin.
“I just realized something.” Dennis said. “I didn’t bring a single thing to study.” He moved his knight in an L shape towards the center of the board before staring into the fire. “Does graduating mean I get a whole eight hours of sleep before my first shift?”
“Knock on wood.” Robby laughed, taking one of Dennis’s pawns with his bishop. Dennis scrunched his nose at the loss. Robby adjusted his glasses and tried not to look cocky.
“I think graduation ceremonies should just be the world’s biggest textbook buy-back.” Dennis said.
“You spit on generations of hoarding tradition.” Robby teased. Dennis laughed, topping off their wine glasses.
“Had another thought. You’re going to graduate from therapy, right?”
“Eventually.” Robby leaned back against the couch, sipping slowly from his glass, thoroughly enjoying the warmth of the moment. Dennis moved his rook.
“DBT is a twenty four week program, right?”
“Yeah. Mine’s a little tailored. We’re aiming for six months. Then we’ll see if I need a break or if I need to try something else.”
“Well. We should celebrate that too.” Dennis said, smiling at Robby’s sudden bashfulness. “Don’t argue.”
“Can’t.” Robby agreed, forwarding another pawn. Dennis smiled triumphantly, abandoning the game momentarily to crawl into Robby’s lap. The older man momentarily struggled to juggle Dennis and his wine but he managed, gladly accepting the amorous kiss being given to him. Dennis plucked the glasses off Robby’s face and kissed him again, winding his arms around his neck.
“What should we look forward to, then?” He asked, half cheeky, peering at Robby through the lenses for a moment before setting them aside.
“Maybe a real road trip?” Robby drained his glass and put it back on the table. He ran his hands up the backs of Dennis’s thighs. “If there’s ever time.”
“Will you let me drive?” Dennis leaned down to kiss him.
“No. But you can ride on the back of the motorcycle I rent for it.” Dennis’s eyes nearly bugged out of his head.
“You? Of all people?”
“I know, I know. Call it suicidal if you want. But I’ve always wanted to!” Robby pouted.
“Listen, it’s like - really hot.” Dennis laughed, kissing away the pout. “But the way my brothers and I almost killed each other on dirt bikes that topped out at like…30 miles per hour…”
“Dirt bikes? That feels way worse.” Robby scoffed.
“Oh certainly. Especially the way we did it.”
“You don’t seem like the kind of kid that wore a helmet.” Robby kissed the underside of Dennis’s chin.
“Now what is that supposed mean?” His eyes lit up at the teasing.
“Nothing, just that you didn’t wear helmets.” Robby shrugged. “And that Santos has showed me enough baby pictures for us to agree that it looks like you bit the shit out of other kids in kindergarten.”
“I will neither confirm nor deny.” Dennis sighed. “And she will be dealt with for this breach of privacy. But no…no shirt, no shoes, and certainly no helmets on the dirt bikes.”
“I’ll take a class.” Robby kissed him. “Learn the gear.”
“A motorcycle class?” Dennis furrowed his brow.
“It’s a thing!” Robby tried to defend himself, reaching for his phone to show him. Dennis caught his hand and put it back on his own leg.
“You certainly look like you’d believe that’s a thing.” He mumbled against his lips.
“Brat.”
They laughed some more, falling slowly and leisurely into a sleepy sort of make out.
Sex and hiking had thoroughly wrung them out. The hold they had on each other was firm, but didn’t escalate. Robby suppressed a yawn, his lips trailing up the curve of Dennis’s cheekbone…then down his shoulder…and halfway down his bicep.
“Have you ever considered a sabbatical?” Dennis wondered, watching him intently.
“Yeah.” Robby switched sides, kissed his other arm. “Not super seriously, though. It never felt right. Especially with staffing.”
“Well. You know what I’m gonna be thinking about on your behalf now.”
Robby pulled a face.
“Gonna be a long winter.” He complained.
“Ah c’mon. It could be fun.”
Dennis knocked their brows together.
They left the game pieces where they were, intending to return later. Dennis built up the fire again before getting comfortable on the couch. Robby tossed a pillow in his lap and rested his head there.
Dennis worked a crossword from a large-print puzzle book they had picked up at a gas station, propping the paper back on another pillow by his hip. He asked Robby’s thoughts on political references in the clues that pre-dated the Bush administration…much to Robby’s distress.
“Oh my god.” Robby let his library book fall to his chest.
“What?” Dennis laughed.
“You never saw Bill Clinton play saxophone on TV, did you?”
“Dunno. Was he on Sesame Street?”
“If this cabin had a flat roof I’d be on it right now.” Robby moaned.
“The drama.” Dennis chided, running his fingers through Robby’s hair. “Did you think he was hot?”
“Of course I did.” Robby huffed, glasses sliding down his nose. “Everyone did.”
“Wow. Yet another unattainable standard for men of my generation.” Robby snorted, tilting his head to the side enough just enough to nip at Dennis’s stomach. “Can you pass me my wine?”
The radio DJ finished a soft add for a local asbestos abatement company before rolling some more music. Robby hummed along for a moment, finding his place in his novel.
Now I ain't the sharpest chisel
That your hands have ever held
But darlin' I could love you well
'Til the roll is called on high
I've seen my share of trouble
And I've held my weight in shame
But I'm baptized in your name
Lovely Lady May
“Who sings this song?” Robby asked.
“Tyler Childers.”
“I like him.”
“I know you do.” Dennis said with a smile. “Okay. Three letters. Clue is Putt-Putt standard?”
“Par.” Robby answered, smiling at Dennis’s grumbling.
“I thought that was golf. What the fuck is putt-putt?”
“Mini golf. I thought people your age loved that shit. Indoors, neon lights, 15 dollar drinks. There’s like a million in Pittsburgh.”
“Oooooh. Ew. No. We just call it mini golf where I’m from. And it was outside. As god intended.” Dennis scratched the answer in. “I always cheated.”
“How the fuck do you cheat at mini golf?” Robby let his book drop again.
“Lotta overhand throws”
“Jesus Christ.”
Their evening ended with laughter, long after the embers in the fireplace burned out.