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Aki had always loathed devils.
They cost him so much— all because of their inherently selfish existence. Devils lived only to feast upon humans. They could not feel empathy, or remorse, or love…
Or, that's what he'd thought before.
Before the Angel Devil came along.
Angel was.. different. He was still selfish, and largely apathetic, but there were moments— moments where Aki could see small cracks in his facade.
Angel enjoyed sweets. He'd get the faintest, sweet smile on his face when his lips were covered in powdered sugar. He did not only feast upon flesh and blood. Sugary sweet delicacies like donuts, cakes, and ice cream were things he enjoyed consuming, much more than the enjoyment he took form living beings.
Angel enjoyed the snow. They were sent on missions together in the winter, forced to face the icy chill. Aki remembered: he was shivering, once, and he turned towards Angel to utter a complaint. He'd never been the most patient when it came to working with the enemy. But, the words had fallen silent on his lips as he laid eyes on the devil. Angel looked.. appreciative. Snowflakes clung to his lashes in small, wet clumps, and his halo looked as if it were bathed in fog in the faint light of street lamps obscured by the storm.
He looked ethereal, and it took Aki's breath away.
The devil turned to face him, and if Aki hadn't known him to be a being of sin, he would have firmly believed him to be holy. Angel's cheeks were stained red with life— warmed by blood Aki had always thought to be incapable of such beauty. He almost felt bad to take Angel's gaze away from the falling snow, for his eyes lost that entranced light they'd held only moments before.
Aki frowned, subconsciously, before he could even think to keep his expression neutral. Angel had stared, emotionless and unfeeling, before motioning for them to continue. The spell had been broken, and the devil had swallowed the angel in its merciless maw.
Angel enjoyed quiet. On those nights where they stayed together in worn-down motels, Angel fell asleep after Aki and woke before. Aki sometimes wondered if he ever slept at all, during the night. But, he ultimately never found the answer.
He would awake to Angel standing beside a window, wings relaxed against his back as he watched the sunrise. That same light in his eyes— the one Aki had seen in that blizzard— would return. It was as if his eyes captured the light of the sun, and reflected it in a perfect, life-giving emulation.
Sometimes, Angel would have made Aki coffee. He'd hold a cup in his hands, cradling it with a gentle touch that devils shouldn't be allowed to possess. He would never drink from it; he hated bitter things. Aki would grab a mug, pouring himself a cup from the pot. It was often cold by the time he awoke, and he'd once again wonder just how early Angel would arise.
He would join Angel at the window, never following his gaze towards the skyline. Instead, Aki would look at him: the beautiful paradigm of heaven having met hell. Angel would eventually turn towards him, and Aki would again mourn the loss of that light from his eyes.
That was, until the light didn't leave his eyes when looking at Aki— until looking at Aki brought light to his eyes.
Aki had always loathed devils.
But he had never thought to loathe angels.
Which category did the Angel Devil fit into? Angel? Devil? Both? Neither?
Aki didn't know, and that was frightening. No— what was frightening was that he didn't care to know.
He didn't loathe Angel Devil. He felt something far worse for him.
He felt it in those quiet hours of the night, where he lied awake, unable to calm his racing thoughts. They tended to gravitate towards Angel, even when they weren't together. He couldn't keep them from doing so, even when he tried. He rarely did, though. He was growing to like it.
He felt it more strongly when they patrolled together; every time he found himself reaching out for the devil. Angel was careful, always ensuring that skin didn't meet skin, and cautioning Aki to stay away. Aki once would have listened, but he'd grown careless.
Angel was warm. Not the kind of self-producing warmth that is characteristic of living beings, no. Angel became warm with Aki's heat, reflecting it back to him just as the moon reflected the light of the sun; and, in doing so, became its own unique beaty.
Aki wanted to make him warm.
As time went on, Angel's warnings had more bite to them. It was almost as if he felt the shift in Aki's demeanor— the newly found desire to touch. Aki hardly noticed it himself; he felt as if he'd always wanted the Angel Devil, and had simply grown too tired to fight it.
He had never planned on living a long life. He wanted to kill the Gun Devil, and then the Katana Devil, and that was all. He'd only lived for revenge, as long as he could remember.
He had never wanted something so badly as to live for it. But, now? Sometimes, he thought he might live and breathe for Angel Devil; live and breathe for those rare, clothed touches when Angel was tired of reprimanding him. When Angel gave into his desires as well, Aki hoped.
Aki didn't loathe this devil. Perhaps, he…
~
They'd been sent on patrol together, again. Aki had grown to believe Makima did it on purpose— luring him in further with sweet, honeyed bait, only to deprive him of it at the last second. She'd done it before, and he knew she'd do it again. Those smiles she gave him, after his reports, were signs that… soon. She would separate him from Angel soon.
And what then? Did Aki still live for revenge? He thought so. But, on those stormy winter nights, when Angel stared out into the vast expanse of nothingness… he thought about leaving. Never seriously, of course; he knew he'd never actually leave. Himeno had asked him to run before, and his answer remained the same.
No. He was going to kill the Gun Devil.
But, whereas he hadn't stopped to consider running for even a second, back then. Now? Hm… sometimes, he wanted to find what it was Angel saw in the snow. He longed to know what could possibly be out there that made a devil feel.
He knew he was one of those things.
Makima knew it, too. And she never tolerated Aki going soft. He and Angel had been sent out to patrol a remote area, one where devil activity was rare, and the chill of winter bit right through thin walls. Their patrols had yielded nothing, to nobody's surprise.
Neither of them complained. Perhaps they both knew what this really was. Perhaps they both felt just how ephemeral their connection would be, just how little time they likely had left.
Aki knew he had a few months, at best. Regardless of Makima's plans, he was already out of time. He always had been.
Was it really so selfish to use such a small portion of his life for himself?
He knew it wasn't. But he couldn't bring himself to do so regardless. Cowardly.
"Aki," Angel murmured, drawing him out of his thoughts. He was brought back to the cold room they resided in, a shiver running through his body. Angel lay on the twin bed: the only one in the room. Aki had taken the floor.
The ground's chill sunk right into his very bones, and again he wondered what Angel found so beautiful about the snow. It was dangerous, and deadly, and…
Aki found those things beautiful too, he realized, as he looked up at the figure in the bed. Curses. He hummed in response, softly urging Angel to continue. There was an unspoken tension hanging over them, one that had been building for a while now. They were meant to break it today— Makima had orchestrated this patrol just for that. He'd never been one to disobey, but…
For once, he didn't want to give her the satisfaction of being right. This thing he felt for Angel… he wanted it to be theirs, and theirs alone. Which, of course, proved Makima's point further: he had grown to care for someone other than her, and that was dangerous.
Angel was silent for a long while, and Aki almost began to wonder if he'd imagined his name leaving his lips. If it weren't so damn cold, perhaps he would have fallen asleep in the lull. Angel had always been the one to enjoy quiet, not Aki.
"What does it feel like, to be warm?"
Aki inhaled sharply, the cold suddenly forgotten as his body grew hot. He said no words, instead rising to his feet. Angel watched him with that indifferent gaze he'd grown used to, save one thing: his eyes glimmered with emotion.
That warmth pooled in Aki's stomach, burning him from the inside out. He stepped towards the bed, stopping as his knees brushed against the covers. They stared at each other in silence for a moment, Aki's heart hammering in his ears as he considered what he was about to do.
He didn't want to think anymore. He wanted to feel.
He pulled the covers back, and lied beside the devil.
A small noise left Angel's lips as they touched, kept apart only by warm layers of bedclothes. That noise alone made Aki press closer, snaking his arms around Angel's waist. Angel's eyes fluttered closed, long lashes resting against his cheeks as he reciprocated. Tentatively, as he somehow remained cautious even now, he wrapped his arms around Aki's neck.
The touch sent pleasant shivers down his spine, and Aki wasn't sure who moved next, but their legs quickly became intertwined as well. It was too much, and not enough, and Aki wanted more—
"Angel," he whispered against his hair, trying so hard to keep his logical thoughts at bay. "How much life would I lose?"
The devil turned up to face him, their faces just shy of touching. It was the first time they'd been this close without Angel pulling away, but Aki didn't miss the fear in his eyes— the panic. "Don't," he warned, voice low.
Aki hummed, running his fingers up and down Angel's side. He drank up the way Angel arched into his touches; the way he seemed so utterly sensitive to them. It made sense— if he had never been able to touch others, he could never have gotten used to the feeling.
This was new for him. And for Aki, too. He'd shared touches all his life, even a rare few kisses, but never with someone that he truly lo- cared for. Being close to Angel warmed him in a way that nothing ever had before. A silly voice in his head wondered whether humans were capable of spontaneous combustion.
He stared into Angel's eyes, willing that fear of his away. Begging for it to melt away in his hands. "How much," he repeated, voice low and quiet in the silence of the eve. "How much would I lose, Angel?"
Angel let out a shaky breath. "You're not touching me again. And don't say my name like that either."
Perhaps he was running a fever. And perhaps the fever made him bolder. There wasn't any reasonable explanation for why he suddenly felt so impulsive— why he suddenly couldn't resist his temptations anymore.
Makima had been so fucking right.
"Why not? Do you like it, Angel Devil?"
The devil whined, and Aki felt his breath on his lips, and he simply couldn't resist—
He pressed closer, their lips brushing for a fraction of a second before Angel yanked up the thinnest sheet between them, and then time slowed.
Aki could feel Angel's warmth, even through the sheet, and he could feel his body shivering— with anticipation, or excitement, he didn't know (he guessed it was likely both). Angel's hair brushed over his cheeks, his forehead, and he was pulling him in by the waist—
Angel let out another one of those addictive whines, and Aki groaned into his mouth as he pressed their bodies flush together. He drank in the wet heat of Angel's mouth; his heartbeat, racing against his ribs. He could feel each curve of his body, and the angles of bones… he could feel the warmth gathered between both their legs.
They kissed with desperation, hands wandering and trying to pull each other impossibly closer. Angel pressed his tongue into Aki's mouth, and despite the fabric between them, it was heaven. Their kiss felt like an eternity and a fraction of a second all at once, and Aki burned for it.
Angel pulled back first, strands of saliva sticking to the sheet as he drew it away from his face. His lips were kiss-swollen and red, and he flicked his tongue over his bottom lip to wet it. He was glistening in the dawn— both his lips, and that beautiful light in his eyes Aki had fallen for so quickly.
Their breaths still mingled, warmth lingering between them as they frantically sucked air into their lungs. Angel reached around Aki's neck again, hands entangled in the sheets as he ran them through his hair. Aki finally managed to take his eyes off Angel's lips, instead letting them fall closed.
"I told you not to touch me, Aki." Angel's words carried no bite, this time. Instead, a hint of something far more intimate rested upon them— something Aki was still too scared to speak into existence between them.
"I want to," he murmured. "I want to touch you without anything between us."
Angel huffed, pulling his hands back from his hair. Aki missed the contact immediately, but he didn't let it show. Once again, the Angel Devil fell silent for a long while. This time, Aki didn't even consider succumbing to slumber.
"Do you remember that time, with the typhoon devil?" His words bit through the silence like sharp shards. Aki had always loved that sort of pain.
"Yes, I do."
"You saved me."
"I did."
Angel shifted, propping his head up on his hand. He loomed over Aki this way, those soft strands of hair tickling his nose. "You don't want to die. But, you sacrificed your lifespan just to save me. Did you want me, even back then?"
Did he? He didn't think so. Then again, he never thought he'd be able to tolerate a devil, much less enjoy one. There were a lot of things he'd been wrong about before.
"I don't know. I know I didn't want to see you die."
The devil tucked a strand of hair behind his ear, staring down at him with that emotionless expression of his. His eyes could never hide, though, and they carried so much raw emotion that Aki felt breathless.
"I don't want to see you die either, Aki. I've never particularly wanted to live before, but… I think, maybe living on until you die would be… nice."
Aki felt a lump form in his throat. "I don't have long."
Angel smiled, completely devoid of mirth. "I know."
… it wasn't wrong to be selfish in your own life…
… right..?
"Will you stay with me, until then?" Aki's voice was near silent— vulnerable. He was placing his fragile human heart into a devil's hands, and praying that it would come out whole.
Angel took his heart in his cautious, gentle hands of an angel. The holy part of him he often denied, triumphing over devil. "You know I can't promise that."
"Please." It was less of a question, and more of a desperate command. "Please, Angel. I know you don't make contracts with humans, and I know you-"
"Enough." Angel leaned down further, brushing their lips together for a fraction of a second. Aki fell silent, still. He let Angel linger close enough to feel the tingle of proximity on his skin, but never truly touching again. Forever apart.
Fate had such cruel plans for them.
"I am not forming a contract with you. You already have my heart, Aki, and I want nothing in return for it."
The Angel ripped his own heart from his chest, and pressed it against Aki's sternum. Insistent, yet kind. That word Aki had been avoiding…
"Will you devour my heart, when I die? Will you hold me, knowing there is no life left to siphon from me?"
The devil sat up again, legs straddling Aki's hips as his wings stretched over him. The light of the moon made his feathers glow a pretty, pearlescent blue, and Aki began to understand the beauty of the stars in the sky.
"I will devour you whole."
Aki shivered, hands resting on Angel's thighs. "What will I taste like?"
"So many questions tonight… aren't you tired?"
"Humor me."
A small smile spread over Angel's face. "You'll taste like the sweetest pastry, melting on my tongue just like that ice cream I love."
Love… that little word Aki had been circling around. Simultaneously the simplest term for his feelings— their feelings— and yet it felt like too much to say, and not enough to truly define what he felt for Angel.
Two parts of a whole, opposite yet in tandem. Just like the devil he'd grown to love…
He was pushing his luck, and he knew it. Some things were better left unspoken, unthought. Some things were meant to remain in the wee hours of the morning, and never brought into the light. Aki didn't care anymore.
"Will you love me, just as you love sweets?"
Angel stared down at him, halo lighting up his hair like liquid gold, melting over his face. "We have work in the morning. Get some rest."
Too far… but he didn't regret it.
He didn't respond, and Angel shifted to lay over him. He rested his head on Aki's chest, a warm, comforting weight, and his heavenly wings draped over them: hiding them from the world. Hiding them from all they had said and done tonight.
For the first time, he thought Angel would fall asleep before him. Angel was always proving him wrong. His soft voice slipped into the quiet, murmuring words straight into Aki's heart.
"I already love you, Aki Hayakawa."
He felt his face warm, and he subconsciously clung more tightly to the devil resting upon him.
Angel knew he was awake. Angel also knew that he wouldn't say it back.
Their future, looming dark and foreboding over them, weighed too heavily on Aki's throat. He couldn't utter the words, even into the darkness.
Cowardly, as usual.
Angel didn't think so.
He knew it was harder to accept death, the more you had to lose. And love? Love was something that broke you, when it was lost. Angel didn't want to break Aki.
So they lay, sheltered from the winter chill, but never safe from the future.
Fate had always been so cruel.