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‘You were cool when you played the piano earlier…’
‘You were cool when you…’
‘When you played the piano…’
‘When you played…’
‘You played the piano…’
‘You played…’
‘You…’
‘You…’
Kris groans, forcing the pillow harder against their face. They let out a sigh, cursing their racing thoughts and turning over in their bed. Again. It’s all so irritating. It’s been hours since they’ve gotten home. Hours since they sealed the Fountain. Hours since-
‘You were cool when…’
Kris shakes their head, trying to clear their mind and send the awful, unwanted– terribly wonderful– memory away. Why? Why did Ralsei say that? And why, oh why, did he have to say it like that?
‘You played the piano…’
Kris puts a hand to their chest, rubbing at the space where their heart– their soul– should be. They glare at the cage in the corner of the room.
The Soul’s still right where Kris left it. Floating in its prison and feigning innocence. Its faint pulse, glowing a bitter red, does nothing to ease the throbbing in Kris’ chest. It just doesn’t make any sense.
If the Soul’s currently, obviously, no longer in possession of Kris’ body… Then why do they still feel like this? Why is their heart racing and beating and breaking like… Like they actually have a heart to lose?
‘You played piano…’
It’s stupid. It’s all so stupid… And yet, Kris just can’t seem to let it go. Why are those few, quiet words so insistent on filling their head and plaguing their mind? Why? Why did Ralsei saythat? And why… Why did it mean so much?
‘You…’
Kris sits up in bed, their face tense with worry as a picture starts piecing itself together in their head. The different colored fragments building a sort of transparent mosaic– a stained glass image– of the truth that they’re so clearly trying to avoid.
‘You.’ Ralsei had said, ‘you.’ And– frighteningly– he hadn’t been talking about the Soul. No… Ralsei was talking about them. About Kris. And that was… Well, Kris doesn’t really know how to feel about it. At least that’s what they keep trying to tell themself.
‘You…’
Kris groans, putting their head in their hands. It's just not fair. Why is this happening to them? Why now? And of all the things that could have possibly happened… Why this?
After all this time, after everything Kris has done to distance themself– to not get attached– Ralsei just had to go and ruin everything. He had to go out of his way and say… That. To so wholly and devastatingly wreck Kris’ world with a single word. A breath. An acknowledgement.
‘You.’
Kris just can’t believe it. Through all the lies and the masks and deception, Ralsei had actually seen them. Somehow, he had finally well and truly seen them.
And not the shell of themself that comes from the Soul’s influence either. No… Despite the consumption and its choking grip on all that Kris is, the fact remains that the Soul can’t control them entirely.
There at the piano, for a small moment, Kris found a way around their puppet strings. A way for their will– their spirit– to shine through. A tiny way to express themself with a talent they possess that the Soul did not, and could never hope to replicate. Something that was completely and utterly Kris’, and Kris’ alone.
And, by some kind of divine intervention, Ralsei had actually seen it. He’d seen the difference and, as if that weren’t enough, he said that he liked it. Ralsei liked something that was solely and untaintedly Kris. And now…
Well, now Kris is reeling.
They glance at the Soul, pulsing in the cage like it knows exactly what they're thinking. Like it’s laughing at them. And, really, it probably is. Kris almost wants to laugh at themself too. It’s ridiculous.
It had been so easy to push away their feelings– push away Ralsei– when every word, every glance, every touch had first been prompted by the Soul. The Soul that Ralsei knows about. The issue that he’s painfully aware of, if the Prophecy is any indication. It’s the exact thing that had made Ralsei so off putting for Kris at the beginning.
Ralsei’s seeming knowledge of the thing that’s taken over and insists on puppeting their body. His awe over the creature that’s destroying them from the inside out. Ralsei looks at them like they’ve hung the stars– like they’re a God.
And maybe it was. The Soul… But not Kris. Never Kris. No matter how much of them the thing controls– no matter how much it plays with them and their life– they’ll still just be Kris.
The Kris that loves to have fun and play pranks. The Kris that’s quiet but not aloof. The Kris that loves pie. The Kris that plays piano like they’re made for it. The Kris that, vexingly, the awful– wonderful– Dark Prince had seen so clearly and called out to.
Kris presses their mouth in a line, glancing between their bedroom window and the Soul still watching from the cage as an idea begins forming in their head. An incredibly, dangerously stupid idea.
Taking a breath, Kris stands and makes their way to the window, blatantly ignoring the banging coming from the corner of the room. Carefully, they pull themself up on the window ledge and stare at the ground below.
This is a terrible idea. A horrible, dreadful idea. But Kris can’t really bring themself to stop and care. After all, it’s an idea that’s being thought up and crafted all on their own.
Determined heat burning in their eyes, they turn and send a final, pointed glare to the Soul as it tries to find a way out of the cage. The thing stops dead as Kris’ singular, scathing thought rings loud and clear.
{Play nice.}
Kris grits their teeth as the Soul, once again, pulses its condescending light. Oh, well. It can laugh all it wants. This is Kris’ idea and they’ll be damned if they let that thing try to stop them now.
With the confidence and will of a fool who has nothing left to lose, Kris takes a final steadying breath, before climbing out of the window and disappearing into the night.
***
Getting to Castle Town without the Soul is proving to be a bigger challenge than Kris thought. They send a mental curse to the thing as they wipe the sweat gathering on their forehead. Of course the Soul has to be a nuisance when it’s not even here.
They scoff, stopping for a moment to try and catch their breath. Kris shakes their head, rubbing at the seemingly ever-present ache in their chest before continuing to press on, wanting– needing– to make it to their destination.
Luck is on their side for once as they reach the doors to the castle, just as their legs are starting to shake. They push the doors open, focus on putting one foot in front of the other, climb the two flights of stairs and find themself outside of a familiar green door.
Kris moves to turn the handle before, suddenly, freezing just as their fingers brush the wood. They glance up and down the hall before, once again, rubbing at the ache in their chest as their actions start catching up with them. What are they doing? What are they thinking?
Why have they found themself here, wide awake, in the middle of the night, in the Dark World, standing outside this specific door? Are they going crazy? It sure does feel like they are. After all, despite how many times Kris tries to hide from the truth– to lie to themself– they do know why they’re here. Why they needed to come here. Why they had to come alone.
Kris needs answers. But those answers can only be found with a certain, specific— wonderful— fluffy boy. So, really, Kris is, first and foremost, here to see him. It was Ralsei who had so thoroughly dismantled every protective layer of Kris’ heart with a single word, so it was only natural for Ralsei to be the answer.
They push aside the voice in their head that demands that the boy is far more than a single answer, before they take a breath, square their shoulders, turn the doorhandle– trip– and stumble into the room.
“K-Kris?! What are you-” Ralsei shouts, holding a hand to his chest in shock. “What are you doing here?”
But before Kris can respond, their legs give a final hard shake, and they collapse to the ground.
“Kris!” Ralsei cries as he rushes to their side, gathering them in his lap. “Kris are you-”
“Alone,” they mumble, placing a hand over their heart. “Alone.”
Ralsei’s confused for the slightest second, before understanding paints itself across his face. The look is quickly overtaken by worry, however, as soft, careful hands start to roam their body checking for injuries.
“You… You don’t have the Soul? Kris that’s… That’s dangerous! What were you thinking?”
“Needed… To talk,” Kris groans, pushing themself up to sit across from the boy. “Alone.”
Ralsei’s face pinches in concern and it takes everything in Kris to not reach out and smooth the creases marring such a gentle face. Kris shakes their head, wiling the intrusive thought away. They need to stay focused.
“Kris,” Ralsei prompts, laying a delicate hand on their cheek. Kris’ heart skips a beat. Focus be damned.
Staring into warm, rose colored eyes Kris is more distracted than ever. They lean into the touch, bringing a small, fond smile to the boy's face. It’s nice– glorious– that Kris can make him smile like that. They mentally kick themself for the thought. But, really, it isn’t fair.
Even without the Soul, and through no conscious fault of their own, Kris is drawn to the boy. To his comfort, his warmth, his light. Even in the beginning when Kris refused to open up and let him in, somehow Ralsei– beautiful, beautiful Ralsei– found his way into their heart. It would be awe-inspiring if it weren’t so down right terrifying.
How did this happen? How had Kris let this happen? They had been so careful. They’d done all that they could– within the confines of their puppeteer’s whims, that is– to keep Ralsei at a distance. To put their attachments, their feelings, for the boy far, far away, and yet…
Here they are. Sitting here, in the Prince’s Castle, in his room, with his hand on their face. It’s pathetic. How could they let this happen? How could they have been so careless with their heart?
It wasn’t even theirs to give.
And yet, somehow, they’d done it. Somewhere along the way– and without Kris even realizing it– their heart had leapt from their chest and made a decision all on its own. It must have. Because Kris knew that if they had a choice in the matter… Then they certainly wouldn’t be here.
“Kris, please,” Ralsei whispers, timid fingers gently caressing their cheek. “Tell me what’s wrong.”
They stare deep into soft pink eyes, placing a careful hand over the one on their face. Clutching at their chest– at their heart– Kris answers faintly, “You… You hurt me.”
Ralsei pulls away like he’s been burned, confusion and fear clear on his face. Kris startles at the reaction, their hand still hovering by their cheek where Ralesi had been holding on so softly.
“W-What, I… Kris, how-” Ralsei shakes his head, looking for what he could have possibly done. “How did I hurt you?”
Kris tilts their head in confusion, slowly bringing their raised hand to rest in their lap.
“Saw me,” Kris says, like it's the most obvious thing in the world. But if the lost look on Ralsei’s face is anything to go by, then that doesn’t seem to be the case. They press their mouth in a line. Looks like they need to be more clear. “Piano… Saw me.”
The blush that rushes to Ralsei’s cheeks is infuriatingly sweet. Kris watches as the boy struggles to find something to say before, ultimately, giving up and hiding his blushed face behind trembling hands.
“O-Oh… I…” he sighs, biting at his lip. “I… I didn’t mean for that to hurt you, Kris, I-” Ralsei jumps as Kris shakes their head, grabbing his hands in desperation.
“O-Oh, you…” Ralsei stares, trying to make sense of the sudden shift in Kris. “I-I didn’t hurt you. Um, not… Not with what I said?”
Kris nods, giving the boy a small relieved smile. The smile falters, however, as Ralsei frowns and looks away again. “But I still did something to you… Right?”
Kris searches the boy’s face, looking for the slightest hint of understanding. Their heart tenses when they can’t find any. They let out a shaky breath before pressing their lips in a thin line, trying to come up with a way to get Ralsei to realize what they’re trying to say.
But how could they possibly expect the boy to understand anything when they’re still trying– and failing– to dissect it all for themself? How are they supposed to convey the true magnitude of what Ralsei has done to them?
How do you tell someone that they have shattered everything that you are– everything that you thought you could be– with a single offhanded acknowledgement? How do you explain that someone’s presence is both breaking apart and breathing life into a heart that you’re not even supposed to have?
How do you show the depth of the calling– the craving– that is overtaking you and desperately pushing you closer and closer to the edge? And finally, worst of all… How do you prove that it’s all coming straight from you, and your will alone?
Kris shakes their head, squeezing Ralsei’s hands once more. “Saw me… Alone,” they drawl, leaning into the boy. “Hurt me.”
Their traitorous heart flutters at the deep blush rising to Ralsei’s cheeks as they make their way closer still. Less than a breath away, Kris reaches out and takes hold of his face, tilting it ever so gently to the side.
And, all at once, an image of beautiful, painted crystals takes form in Kris’ mind. Shards of green and pink harmonising with silver and blue. The alluring collage showing Kris what is, almost certainly, meant to be fate. A fate that, shockingly, Kris is having trouble finding any issue with.
And why should they? From the moment that Kris laid eyes on Ralsei, their once bleak and unyielding world had exploded into a kaleidoscope of wondrous color. And Kris knew it. With all of their heart– all their soul. From the very beginning of everything. Kris knew…
They had been made to love him.
Love. Of course. Of course that’s what it is. What it’s always been. They love him. They’re in love with him.
“Ralsei…” Kris sighs in adoration, their heart locked in captive awe of the boy before him. “Hurts… Bad.”
“Kris I-” Ralsei starts, glancing at their lips before darting his eyes away. “I don’t understand. Why do you- I don’t… I don’t want to hurt you.”
Ralsei gasps as Kris’ fingers tighten, not harsh, but desperate. His eyes widen as he stares into their burning, begging red. Kris pulls him in, their lips brushing his as they breathe out a single, solitary plea…
“Ralsei… Please.”
In an instant, the pain– the ache– in Kris’ heart is silenced. Replaced instead with a warm, tender, loving explosion. It’s almost like the fireworks that they saw back in Cyber City, only… More. So much more.
Kris sighs, their trembling arms pulling Ralsei in toward them. They need him closer– they need to feel him. They need to be sure that this is real. That they’re really here, their wayward heart in their throat, and their lips dancing with the boy’s.
The relief bubbling in Kris’ chest is so overwhelming that the corners of their mouth start to rise of their own volition. Kris would be stunned at the almost compulsive display of emotion, if it wasn’t just, annoyingly, getting in the way of exploring Ralsei’s kiss.
And his kiss is beautiful. It’s everything that Kris didn’t know they wanted– everything they needed. And, tragically, it’s over too soon.
Ralsei puts timid hands on Kris’ shoulders and breaks the two apart. Kris, trying to savor the feeling– the taste– of the boy, keeps their eyes closed and leans their forehead against his, lost in a delicate reverie.
The dream is soon broken however, as Kris feels the tremble in Ralsei’s hands, still holding on tight to their shoulders. Their eyes snap open and their stomach drops.
“K-Kris… Kris, I…” Ralsei starts, his eyes shining with tears. “I-I don’t… I can’t…” Kris’ heart breaks at the sorrow in his voice.
The boy is terrified. He’s shaking, his face cracked with fear, and his breathing ragged. And Kris, for the life of them, can’t begin to understand why.
Slowly, carefully, Kris pulls away, keeping a single, steady hand on Ralsei’s cheek. The boy leans into the touch, his body shuddering at the contact, and Kris’ brows press together in concern.
It’s a horrible thing to see. Ralsei shakes, almost like he’s going to shatter to pieces without Kris’ secure hold, while, at the same time, he looks like he’s already destroying himself for even needing the reassurance in the first place.
“Ralsei…” Kris prompts, their worry rising when they notice the pain– the disgust– taking over his face. “You… Okay…?”
For a fleeting moment, Ralsei stares at Kris, open and honest, leaning in like he wants to take everything that Kris will give. And the next moment, he’s pulling away, wrapping his arms around himself tight like if he doesn’t do so then his arms will reach out against his will.
And Kris, no matter how hard they try, can’t figure out why that would be such a bad thing. Their face pinches in confusion as they sit and watch Raslei try and slow his breathing.
“Kris we… I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, I-” Ralsei mumbles, tugging his scarf tighter around himself. “We just… We can’t. I can’t.”
Kris deflates, their face falling and their chest starting to ache all over again. Had they been wrong? Did Ralsei not actually feel the same? But they had been so sure.
Between the flirts and the hugs and the fact that he blushed every time they got too close, Kris was almost positive that Ralsei liked them. Maybe even loved them too. Even before they realized their own feelings for the boy, they had been certain that he’d felt… Something for them.
But, then again, maybe he did feel something. Maybe it just wasn’t something for Kris. Maybe– repulsively– Ralsei’s heart, his love, was already reserved for…
“It…?” Kris asks, their voice thick with tension.
Ralsei balks. He turns wide eyes to Kris, shaking his head with great force. “No! No, that’s not… That’s not what I meant,” Ralsei cries, reaching out and taking hold of Kris’ hand.
Kris looks at their hand, now lovingly intertwined with his, and their heart stutters. It feels so warm– so right. And if the blush rising to Ralsei’s cheeks is anything to go by, then he must feel the same. So why, then?
If not because of the Soul and not because he doesn’t feel the same… Why was Ralsei holding himself back?
The boy shrinks at the puzzled stare Kris gives him. He tries to gently pull his hand back, but is stopped by Kris’ secure grasp.
Slowly, Ralsei looks away, taking a breath before almost forcing out the words, “I-It’s me, Kris… All me, I just… I don’t deserve it… I don’t deserve you.”
Kris shakes their head, baffled at how the boy could possibly think something like that. But Ralsei doesn’t see. His eyes stay locked on the floor in front of him even as they start to fill with tears.
“I-I’m a Darkner, Kris, I… I’m not supposed to feel like this,” he laughs wetly. “I’m not supposed to… To feel at all. And I- I know that you said that it was okay for me– for Darkners– to feel this way, but… But I can’t.
Even though I… I want to. I really want to but… But I know that I shouldn’t. It just… It wouldn’t be fair to you and I can’t… I can never be what you need Kris, and… And with the Prophecy, I…
I’m only going to hurt you, and… I-I just… I don’t want to hurt you, Kris, I-” Ralsei sobs, pressing a hand to his mouth. “I really don’t want to hurt you…”
Kris’ heart shatters. That’s why Ralsei’s holding back? So that he doesn’t hurt them? Kris looks away, contemplation clear on their face.
So, Ralsei doesn’t want to hurt them. But– in a move that astonishes even themself– Kris can’t help but want exactly that. Kris wants to be hurt. They’ll take any and all kinds of pain as long as they can so much as stand close to Ralsei’s light.
Because this specific hurt, this pain– their love– is not bad. In fact, it’s the only thing making Kris’ heart feel anything at all. The hurt that Kris wants isn’t harsh or cutting or violent. No… It’s warm and gentle and oh so beautiful that they could cry. And, yes, it does hurt. It hurts badly.
But it hurts in the way that a person’s heart seizes after seeing something truly beautiful. It hurts in the way that a person’s chest aches for breath when they’re drowning in the sea of someone's eyes. It hurts in the way that a person’s soul feels like it’ll shatter if it doesn’t find its absolution through joining with the thing– the person– that they love.
And Kris? Kris wants to join with Ralsei. Desperately. They want to hurt and be hurt in return. All of Ralsei’s hangups and self-hating qualms be damned, they needed this. Both of them. They needed each other now more than ever.
Kris reaches out, taking hold of one of Ralsei’s hands before brushing away the tears in his eyes with the other. “Ralsei,” they start, a small doting smile making its way onto their face. “Hurt… Good.”
Ralsei laughs despite himself. “Kris… Me hurting you is not a good thing.”
“Good,” they insist, nodding their head. “Heart…Hurt.” They squeeze Ralsei’s hand before bringing the joined palms to their chest– over their racing heart– and whispering the words, “Love, Ralsei… Love.”
The blush that paints Ralsei’s face is almost as red as Kris’ eyes. The eyes that can’t help but stare lovingly at the flustered boy as he tries to shy away from the attention. And Kris thinks he’s beautiful. A masterpiece, really.
Ralsei hides his face in his unoccupied hand as their adorant smile seems to say as much. “K-Kris, you… You don’t… You can’t mean that.”
“Do,” they swear, reaching out and taking hold of Ralsei’s face. Slowly, they pull him in, again, as they smile and breathe out a promise. “Love you. Ralsei… Love.”
For a single– horrifying– moment, Kris thinks that they’ve overstepped. That they’ve pushed the boy a little too far, a little too fast and ruined whatever budding passion he might feel for them as Ralsei freezes, a look of loss on his face.
The growing unease in Kris’ stomach turns to a flutter of butterflies as Ralsei throws himself forward, wraps his arms tight around Kris’ shoulders, and pulls them into a desperate aching kiss.
Relieved beyond words, Kris takes it all in with open arms, giving back just as good as they’re getting, and then, even more than that. And it's all so wonderful. It’s amazing. It’s damn near holy.
Here in Ralsei’s arms, pressed tight against him, Kris is little more than a sinner praying at the feet of a reverent God. And Kris is praying. They’re almost begging on their knees, pleading for Ralsei to show them his grace and make them his.
Because Kris knows full well that they already are. From the beginning of everything, Kris was his. And not “his” in the sense of possession– like they are with the Soul– but his through means of devotion. In the sense that Kris so obviously belongs with him but not to him.
“Kris…” Ralsei hums, easing up for a single moment to breathe, before diving right back in.
His attempt is stopped by Kris dodging and playfully nudging their noses together. Ralsei huffs out a shaky laugh, playing with the ends of Kris’ hair as the corners of their mouth start to turn up in a teasing smirk.
“Kris… S-Stop it,” he whines, leaning in to try and kiss them again. Ralsei laughs as Kris dodges for a second time and kisses the corner of his mouth instead. “Kris… You’re teasing me.”
They nod, pressing a placating kiss to the other side of the boy’s mouth. As their scarlet eyes roam and drink Ralsei in, their goading smile softens to something fond as they notice the innocent hope shining in his eyes.
“Cute,” Kris purrs, drawing the boy closer to them. They run a thumb across his lips. “Lovely.”
“Ah! K-Kris you… You can’t just say that,” he giggles, a flustered smile breaking across his face. “Y-You’re such a… Why would you say that?”
Kris shakes their head, wetting their lips before leaning in, only an inch away from the boy. “Hurts,” they breathe, their grinning mouth brushing his. “Love you… Love.”
“I-I… Kris…” Ralsei mumbles, tightening his hold on Kris’ face and bringing them into another tender, loving kiss. Slowly, he breaks them apart, only far enough– and just for a moment– to whisper the words, “Kris. Kris…”
“I love you too.”