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The day Batman revealed his identity to the Justice League wasn’t a special one. It was a normal Tuesday, for those who save the world on a regular basis.
The man known as The Dark Knight simply looked around the room, shoulders hunched with the weight of the recent battle, and removed what was left of his ruined cowl.
Some widen their eyes, others nod, appreciating the gesture as one of trust.
“It’s so unfair that you’re hot,” Hal says, always one to lighten, or ruin, the mood, depending on who you ask.
“My name is Bruce Wayne,” the Bat says.
“Ha ha,” Green Arrow says. “Very funny, Brucie. Is this to get back at me for that champagne thing?”
“No, this doesn’t have to do with ‘that champagne thing’ as you so eloquently put it,” Bruce says, keeping his Batman voice even with the cowl off. “I really am Batman. When would I have had an opportunity to switch out Batman and put soot on my face?”
“Bruce Wayne,” Superman tilts his head in thought. “Isn’t that the name of a Gotham billionaire?”
“Yes,” Batman confirms.
Several Justice League members nod, like this made perfect sense.
“That makes sense,” Barry says, always one to voice his thoughts out loud. “It explains how you’re able to afford the Batmobile, and the Batwing, and the Bat-.”
“No,” Oliver says. “It doesn’t make sense! This has got to be a prank right?”
“If it is, it would be a cruel one,” J’onn says. "As I and many others are completely unaware of any intention to prank, it would be a cruel joke on all of us except yourself, as it seems you know Bruce Wayne outside Justice League work.”
Oliver stares at Bruce’s serious expression for a long moment.
“Wait, you’re serious?” Oliver’s face scrunches in disbelief, then confusion, until it twitches, as if malfunctioning for several seconds, before eventually going blank. “This can’t be real. I must be dreaming.”
“I’ll, uh, take him home,” Hal says, reaching for Oliver.
Green Lantern gently leads Green Arrow towards the Zeta Tube.
Oliver hasn’t recovered by the time Roy enters the Queen home.
“Bruce is Batman,” is the first thing Oliver says when Roy enters the living room.
“Oh, yeah,” Roy says, like this isn’t the most life altering piece of information. “Weird right? I found out when I started dating Jason. Batman did the whole empty head Brucie routine in front of me to prove it and I told him to Never do that in front of me again."
Ollie malfunctions further. He looks haunted. Hal is really beginning to worry.
“I guess since you’ve been around him more than I have, it’s hitting you hard, huh?” Roy guesses.
Oliver reaches for his phone with a shaky hand.
As soon as the call connects, Oliver yells into the phone.
“YOU PRETENDED TO HAVE BRAIN DAMAGE???”
A tinny laugh comes from the other end. Oliver hangs up before the man on the other end can speak.
“I can’t stand him!” Oliver says. “I’m going to have to get him back. There is NO way I’m letting him live this down.”
Hal is just relieved his friend seems to be doing better. At least, he’s reached the acceptance stage.
At the next Justice League meeting, Oliver is shaking. It’s not enough to be noticeable unless you were sitting next to him. Hal and Barry notice.
Batman did not bother to wear his cowl once the meeting started. He looked a lot more comfortable. He was usually much more stiff during meetings but now he looked..human. This must be the man under the mask.
At least, that’s what everyone thought. Until Oliver Queen broke the illusion.
The second Superman finished asking “Is there anything else anyone would like to add or bring to our attention?” Oliver was on it.
“Yeah, I have something,” Green Arrow said. He pressed a button to turn the white board into a screen.
The screen turned on to reveal a video of Bruce Wayne at a gala, covered in wine stains, while he flirted with a tall plant. The video cut to several more incidents of Bruce Wayne doing rude gestures, flirting shamelessly, or saying phrases that some Justice League members recognized as things their younger protegees would quote all the time as “memes”.
The members of the Justice league look on in shock as they watch their fearless leader, on camera, break it down while standing on top of a large fountain, while wearing nothing but underwear that did nothing to hide anything, especially not while wet.
“Huh,” the Bruce watching the video said, “I forgot about that.”
At Diana’s judgemental look, Bruce finally looks a little ashamed of himself.
Hal was beginning to understand why Ollie reacted the way he did to finding out Batman’s secret.
“I’ve been accusing you of having a stick up your ass while this is what you’ve been getting up to outside the suit? Go bats.” Hal said.
“THAT!” Oliver pointed. “THAT IS WHO I’VE KNOWN FOR ALMOST TWO DECADES! YOU MADE EVERYONE THINK ONE OF GOTHAM U’S MOST PROMISING STUDENTS GOT BRAIN DAMAGE WHILE ABROAD AND WAS NEVER GOING TO BE THE SAME!”
“You’ve been with me on missions and at the watchtower this whole time and never told me!” Oliver continued.
“In my defense,” Bruce said with a smirk, “it was really funny.”
“YOU PRETENDED TO HAVE PANIC ATTACKS WHENEVER YOU WERE IN THE SAME ROOM AS A BAT!”
“No, that was real,” Bruce said. “I really do hate bats.”
Bruce had a completely straight face, like that wasn’t a completely insane revelation. Everyone turns to look at Bruce with a mix of looks that all clearly say “What is wrong with you?”
“Ha,” J’onn’s laugh cuts into the silence. “Ha Ha. I get it. It’s like if I wore a fire-themed suit and pretended to have fire powers. No one would guess that Detective John, who hates fire, is the fire-themed hero.”
“And no one would guess a famous idiot is actually the world’s greatest detective,” Barry adds. “That doesn’t justify not telling Ollie sooner. Your civilian identities are friends!”
“I thought Roy would have told him,” Bruce shrugged. “And my kids gave him so many hints.”
“Yeah I’m beginning to realize how much they messed with me over the years,” Oliver admitted. “I mean, spelunking? Really?’
“Can we please turn this off,” Hawkgirl pointed to the video of Brucie. She is holding a hand next to her face, blocking the screen from her view.
Bruce in the video is holding his hand out, clearly about to smack an unsuspecting Luthor’s bald head.
“No no no keep it on!” Hal begs. He turns to Oliver. “How long is this video?”
“Over 2 hours,” Oliver answers. “It took me ages to edit.”
Bruce in the video is talking to Lex Luthor. “No, no it’s not because you are bald. I’ve fucked bald guys before. I know plenty of great bald people. Selina is bald sometimes! It’s just you’re…” Bruce waves at Luthor’s general frame, “y’know.”
Lois Lane is in the background, clearly holding in laughter.
Barry leaves and comes back with popcorn. “Let’s watch it in the break room.”
Hal nods. “Yeah, we can’t let Ollie’s effort go to waste.”
Everyone leaves until it is just The Big Three left in the meeting room.
“This is why I waited so long to reveal my identity. This is exactly what I was afraid of,” Bruce mutters.
“What made you do it now?” Diana asked.
“Ask Ollie what ‘that champagne thing’ is,” Bruce answered.
“Regardless of the reason, I’m glad you chose to share this part of yourself with us.” Clark patted Batman’s shoulder.
“Even if it is…embarrassing,” Diana said.
“You wanted to say shameful.”
“I did not,” Diana refused to meet anyone’s eyes.
“It was for the mission.”
“Yes,” Clark smiled. “It was all for the mission. You definitely didn’t do at least half of those stunts because you were having fun.”
“Exactly. I’m Batman.”