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“Have you ever thought about fucking me?”
Sungchan blinks owlishly.
If this was a cartoon, the one with the llama they watched the other month, he’d pause whatever it is that’s going on around him and pull down a projector screen. He’d show his baby pictures, talk a little bit about his life, then ask the audience if they can figure out how he got to this very point. Because he’s clueless. Zero ideas. Absolutely nothing.
Four hours into the boys night and it’s down to just him and Eunseok in the older’s bedroom. The others left some time ago and their made-up plans sounded way too suspicious for how well the Monopoly game was going. He was almost ready to get back on his feet and then Sohee and Chanyoung were suddenly holding hands. Since when did they engage in such activities?
There are countless thoughts swimming in Sungchan’s head. Absolutely none of them guide him to the answer as to why his best friend would ask him a question so lewd and random.
Were they close? Indeed, they were.
Was Eunseok straight? Last time he checked, that was also true.
“What?”
“I’m just asking,” the older says as his fingers fly over the keyboard. “Is that something that's ever crossed your mind?”
“Dude, what are you talking about?”
Was he careless enough to drop his guard? Spill his guts and expose exactly what he’s been trying to hide for years now? He’s always been told he wears his heart on his sleeve. Is Eunseok about to rip it off and crush it in front of both of them?
“We’re together like all the time.” That they are. But they also live together, so does it really say much? “And you haven’t been with anyone in months.”
“Are you watching me? How do you know that?”
Eunseok’s character finally gets killed and it’s funny how he tries to play it off—clicking out of the window and checking his email as if he actually gives a damn about the things he receives. Sungchan has been a witness to him being ripped to shreds for the past twenty minutes.
What a sore loser.
“Be for real.”
“I am being real,” he splutters. “It’s not like we live in each other’s pockets.”
“Yeah, you wouldn’t fit in mine,” Eunseok snickers. Because Sungchan is so big and it’s a running joke. How clever. “The dry spell has never been drier, hasn't it?”
He’s just being mean at this point. First he laughed at Sungchan losing all his streets to bankruptcy, and now he’s being a menace about something Sungchan has no power over. Scratch that, it’s not about power. Sungchan simply doesn’t want to sleep with anyone at the moment.
Well, that one is a lie.
He wants to sleep with Eunseok. He wants to do more than that, if he’s being honest.
He’d rather die than admit it, though.
“As if you’re any better?”
“Why are you bringing me into this?”
Sungchan searches for words but comes up empty. He doesn’t understand what’s happening and it feels like neither does Eunseok. Wasn’t it him who mentioned himself in the first place? He’s just saying whatever. Spewing complete nonsense to get a reaction. He knows he'll get one because Sungchan is easy to rile up.
This is so unfair.
“Why do you care so much about my sex life?” he asks evenly. “And why are you asking if I've ever thought about you in that way, isn’t that weird?”
He hopes Eunseok says it isn’t. It’s not weird. It’s alright to think about him like that. His best friend of over seven years. Being under Sungchan, maybe on top of him if he feels like it. Would Eunseok make any noises? He rarely opens his mouth on a regular basis, what about the time when you can’t help but moan once or twice?
“Well, have you?”
“Aren’t you straight?”
“What?”
The room plunges into silence.
Eunseok stops spinning in his chair and slowly gets out of it. He doesn’t look threatening. He simply can’t look anything but cute in the hoodie and pajama pants that he’s wearing. They’re big on him. Almost everything is because Eunseok is tall but slim. He’s got hard muscle but it’s completely overpowered by the softest features here and there. It’s like there are ants crawling all over Sungchan and he suppresses the urge to do a full body shudder.
“I’m bisexual.”
Huh.
“Congratulations?”
Eunseok doesn’t snort but he comes close to it. He rolls his eyes and that’s somehow worse.
“I’ve been out this whole time, you idiot.”
“I didn’t know.”
He really didn’t.
Sungchan has never seen Eunseok with a man. He never actually looked, averted his eyes every time Eunseok got close to someone who wasn’t one of their friends. Like that time when they were all at Shotaro’s place and Eunseok and Wonbin were both drunk. Wonbin was aiming for a chair but accidentally sat in Eunseok’s lap and Eunseok’s hands were all over Wonbin’s…
“Oh.”
“Yeah,” Eunseok confirms as he sits down right in front of Sungchan. He isn’t wearing socks and it’s insane how small his feet are. Sungchan audibly gulps. “Oh.”
“What happened to Wonbin?”
Because it matters more than anything right now. Somehow, he doesn’t care about how ridiculous the predicament he’s found himself in is. He doesn’t care about Eunseok asking him about his deepest secrets. All that matters is Eunseok and Wonbin. Separately and together.
“You saw him just an hour ago.”
“You and him.” Sungchan picks at the thread he finds at the edge of the blanket. He tugs so hard, the fabric folds. “Have you slept with him?”
One second. Two seconds. Three…
“I have.”
That’s good to know. That’s great to know. Sungchan nods without looking up.
“Are you jealous?”
“What the fuck?”
Is he jealous?
Of course, he is. Eunseok was never supposed to know, that’s the problem. Eunseok was never supposed to tell Sungchan he’s into men and Eunseok was never supposed to ask Sungchan if he’s ever fantasized about fucking him.
He has. Who hasn’t?
Eunseok is undeniably handsome. He’s funny and smart. He treats people with respect and he always wants the best for them. He wants the best for Sungchan, too. Except for now, when he’s putting him on the spot just because he wants to.
“Sungchan, I'll ask one more time,” Eunseok says as he swats the younger’s hand off the bed cover which isn't even his. “Have you ever thought about fucking me?”
“Why do you want to know?”
“I won’t ask again.”
Eunseok never raises his voice. He speaks calmly, demading attention that Sungchan is always willing to give. This time is no different.
But Sungchan is pathetic. He’s weak and he has balls for brains. He finally raises his head and Eunseok is looking back. There’s no judgement. He’s waiting.
“I have.”
“Was it good?”
“Eunseok…”
This is definitely getting out of hand now. One answer should have been enough, why is he prodding further? Why is he coming closer and why is he in Sungchan’s personal space?
Eunseok is careful with the way he moves. He’s not pushy but he’s determined. He checks Sungchan’s face for any sign that he’s doing too much. When he doesn’t find one, he sits back on the younger’s thighs. He can definitely feel how hard Sungchan gets as the seconds pass. It’s only natural and he’s only human. He’s got his best friend that’s also his crush all up in his face. He didn’t expect Monopoly night to be ending like this.
“Did you like it?”
“What are you doing?”
“What was it like?” Eunseok’s brows are furrowed. It looks like he’s mulling something over and when the thought process comes to an end, he takes his hoodie off. His skin is smooth and pale. His nipples are perked up but that might be because of the room’s temperature. “Where was it?”
“Why are you asking me this?”
Sungchan’s head is spinning. He doesn’t know what to do, what he’s allowed to do while he’s like this. Below one of the hottest people he’s ever laid eyes on. The one that’s getting shirtless. The one that's bunching up Sungchan’s shirt so he does the same. The one that’s rutting against Sungchan who’s fully hard.
“You can do it.”
“What?”
“You can fuck me,” Eunseok smiles as he finally gets the henley off Sungchan. “It’s your lucky day.”
“What the fuck is wrong with you?”
“That’s not a nice way to speak to someone who’s offering themselves to you, Sungchannie.”
It’s too much. Eunseok is clearly baiting and Sungchan is nothing but a fool, one who’s falling for it.
He flips them over and yanks the pants down the older’s thighs. They’re just as smooth, just as pale as the rest of him, and Sungchan's primal side wins. It makes him slide down the bed without breaking eye contact and mouth at the skin. Eunseok is warm. He’s nothing like Sungchan imagined him to be. He’s so much more. Sungchan can’t believe it.
“Is this how it went?”
“Shut up,” Sungchan barks and feels bad as soon as it’s out. He has half a mind to apologize but he’s got more important things to focus on. Like the wet stain at the front of Eunseok’s underwear. Sungchan palms at the length tenting the cloth and Eunseok jerks violently.
Serves him right.
“Mean.”
“You are.”
“I’m kind to you, Sungchannie,” Eunseok says. He helps Sungchan take the last item of clothing off and now they’re both naked. Two best friends in the same bed, doing unspeakable things to each other. It’s not the right time to get mortified. “I’m being so generous.”
Sungchan doesn’t know where the lube is but the bedside table seems like the most logical option. It’s there, just like the box of condoms and a bright pink dildo Sungchan raises his eyebrow at. It’s unimportant now because Eunseok is getting restless.
He’s red all over—his cheeks, his neck, his chest and even his stomach. He always runs hot and he sweats easily. Sungchan loves thinking it’s because there’s warmth in anything he does.
There’s another example of that in front of him. Eunseok tries to be nonchalant, tries to poke and prod at Sungchan’s wounds for reasons known only to him but he’s still thoughtful. He mindlessly strokes the arm Sungchan’s got propped up next to the older’s hip and his eyes are honey sweet.
“Beautiful.”
“What?”
“Nothing.”
“Say it again,” Eunseok demands.
“No.”
“Coward.”
He might be right. Sungchan is a coward because he's never acted on his feelings. How was he supposed to do that when he didn’t know he was expected to? Did Eunseok even want him to do anything before this moment?
Sungchan moves Eunseok the way he wants him, knees bent and legs spread as far as they can go. He warms the lube inside his palm and tries to keep it cool when his finger circles the other’s rim. He’s soft and warm there, too. So pretty. All for Sungchan and no one else.
“Like what you see?”
“I do,” he says without hesitation. Eunseok is tight and the pressure on his finger makes it hard for him to form coherent thoughts. Even if he’s been with other men, Sungchan wonders just how many times he’s been the one on the receiving end. “I’ll enjoy this regardless of the circumstance.”
Eunseok’s foot connects with this shoulder. It doesn’t hurt but it’s so sudden and unexpected that he tilts back and the finger slides out of the older’s hole with an obnoxious pop.
“Can you behave yourself?” Sungchan chastises. “I’m in the middle of something.”
“Asshole.”
“You started it.”
Sungchan pushes the digit back in. He rubs at the walls, and when the moment is right, he adds one more and starts scissoring them together. It’s both too wet and not wet enough. Eunseok has got precum pooling onto his stomach and he’s absentmindedly running his fingers through it. It’s weird. He’s always been a weird guy. Sungchan wants him so bad that it’s a miracle he hasn’t straight up slammed inside yet.
It’s like a treasure hunt—searching for the bundle of nerves that will make Eunseok let out a full on scream. Sungchan prods against it, rubs the spot relentlessly and revels in the reaction it brings him. Eunseok’s mouth is hanging open, lips full and pink and inviting. Sungchan wants to kiss him silly but he feels like it’d be too much. It’d make it too real. More real than three of his fingers in his best friend’s ass, for sure.
“I’m ready.”
If he says so. Sungchan is in no position to argue.
He doesn’t notice anything wrong until he’s fully bottomed out. He’s got Eunseok’s arms wrapped around his shoulders and when he looks to the side, he sees it. The box of condoms is left untouched on the bedsheets, so close yet too far for his horny brain to remember about.
“Eunseok.”
“What?”
“I forgot to put the condom on.”
It’s dead quiet. He can’t see the other’s face because Eunseok’s forehead is plastered to Sungchan’s neck but the silence drags on for too long and he’s scared. Scared of fucking this up, of irreparably damaging the only friendship he cared so deeply for. Why he hadn’t thought about it before he let Eunseok undress him, he doesn’t know. What he knows is that as he starts to pull out, there are nails digging into his biceps and it stings bad.
“Don’t you dare.”
“But…”
“When was the last time you slept with someone?”
It comes back full circle. He can’t get mad, can’t complain about the question being too personal when he’s already got his dick inside and there’s no condom on.
“Months ago. I tested after.”
He’s clean, that goes without saying. Eunseok repositions himself and now, he’s in Sungchan’s line of vision. His eyes are wet but he looks impassive as always. Sungchan gets a sudden urge to cry.
“Don’t you dare pull out.”
He doesn’t. He slides out and doesn’t warn Eunseok before moving forward again. It feels good, more than incredible with how tight Eunseok is. Sungchan wants to stay inside of him forever. He wants to fall asleep like this. No, he wants to make Eunseok come and then he’d come right after. None of it would spill out because he wouldn’t move.
“You always need to get your way,” Eunseok grunts as Sungchan hooks an arm under his knee and pushes up. “Bet you planned this, too. You just wanted to fuck me raw, didn’t you?”
“Where did you get that from?” Sungchan delivers a particularly hard thrust and sees rather than feels it going into the older’s prostate. “You’re so far up your own ass.”
Eunseok looks down, to where their bodies are connected, then scrunches his nose.
“Oh, come on.”
“That was you, not me,” Eunseok says and the last of his words turns into a moan. There it is. So high and breathy. So full of feeling and Sungchan is the cause. “Do it again.”
“You’re insane.”
“And yet, you’ve got your cock inside me.”
“You made me do this.”
He stops thrusting. Eunseok stops grinding back. It’s like seeing each other for the first time, the intensity with which their eyes bore into each other.
“If you don’t want this, just pull out and we’ll forget it ever happened,” Eunseok says. “We can go back to pretending like nothing's going on. I just don’t know how long I can keep up the act.”
“What?”
“What you heard.”
Sungchan is lost. He’s at a crossroads and he’s never learnt how to read directions. Eunseok is so beautiful. His dark hair is sweaty and his eyelashes are beaded with tears. Sungchan leans down and captures his lips in a kiss. Short and innocent. Their first and what he desperately hopes won’t be their last.
“Say it,” Sungchan whispers into the older’s mouth.
“What?”
“You know what.”
He can be difficult, too. He can be greedy. If he’s right about this, he wants to take as much as he gives. He wants to put himself first for once in his life.
Eunseok stands his ground. Sungchan pecks him once again and preens at the way the older reciprocates. Angles his face to accomodate him. Eunseok cares as much as he does.
“Say it.”
“I like you.”
“Again,” Sungchan mewls. He picks up the pace and Eunseok whimpers. It’s quiet but Sungchan picks it up and he smiles widely. He’s overjoyed. This is everything he’s ever wanted. “Louder.”
“You’re crazy.”
“For you.”
The retching noise the older makes dies down when Sungchan wraps his hand around him and starts stroking. Fast and intentional. He does everything he likes himself and beams when it works on Eunseok, too.
“Please, say it again.”
Sincerity seeps out of his every pore and gets to Eunseok, it seems. His eyes soften and his hands come up to sweep at Sungchan’s cheeks. There’s wetness, too. He didn’t notice when and how that happened.
“I like you.”
“Me too.”
“I know,” Eunseok says as he gives Sungchan another kiss.
There’s nothing to be worried about. When Eunseok comes into Sungchan’s fist and paints his stomach white, Sungchan does everything in his willpower not to cheer out loud. That’s his doing. He made this happen and it’s bringing him to the edge with great speed. He’s so close and when Eunseok clenches around him, he finally comes.
He stays inside, just like he wanted. Eunseok doesn’t protest, only winds his arms tighter around the younger’s back and breathes out. It’s late but he’s not sleepy. Truthfully, he’s ready for another round. He can’t forget he’s not alone in this. As soon as he starts to get hard again, he carefully slides out and winces at the hiss he hears Eunseok fail to cover up.
“This will be hell to wash off.”
Sungchan almost misses the older say it. He watches the cum dribble out of Eunseok’s hole and fights his inner demons at the same time. In the end, he can’t help himself—he reaches out to gather as much fluid as possible with a single finger and pushes the digit back in.
“Stop,” Eunseok quietly gasps. “I knew you’d be a freak.”
He’d get defensive if it wasn’t for the weak twitch Eunseok’s spent cock does right after the finger breaches the entrance again. He’s into it just as much as Sungchan is.
Sungchan is curious, brings the hand back and licks it clean. The taste isn’t exactly pleasant but it makes Eunseok groan into the pillow and he can’t stay still.
“You’re so fucking hot.”
“Yeah?” Sungchan laughs. “Is that why you’re into me?”
He meant it as a joke but it turns out, Eunseok knows him better. He makes eye contact again and the mood changes instantly. He’s nervous but he knows there’s nothing to be afraid of. The worst is over. Only good things are coming his way now.
“I like you because there’s no better person than you.”
He doesn’t explain, nor does he say anything else. He tries to sit up but it doesn’t go according to plan, so Sungchan comes closer instead. This kiss is deeper and messier. Eunseok sucks on his tongue and Sungchan bites at his bottom lip. It’s something neither of them could have ever dreamed of but can definitely get used to.
The sheets are ruined to no end, so they move to Sungchan’s bedroom. He thanks the universe it looks decent. After both of them are clean, the window is open and they’re under several blankets. Back to chest. Sungchan’s arm is around Eunseok’s waist and he finally exhales.
“Do you want to ask me something?”
“Hm?”
“I can tell you do,” Eunseok mumbles.
He can’t be that transparent. Eunseok just knows him that well.
“Was I your first?”
“Are you serious?”
Eunseok pushes at his arm, trying to wiggle free but to no avail. He wants to fight again, years of being best friends winning over newfound relationship. Sungchan is still stronger. He's got him in a vice grip that's still gentle at the same time.
“Tell me,” Sungchan whines. He mouths at the older’s neck and Eunseok leans right into it. “Was this your first time bottoming?”
“What if I say yes?”
“Is that true?”
“It is.”
He tries to act civil. He tries to limit his reaction to a kiss to the back of Eunseok’s head. The way he’s rock hard again, that’s on nature alone. Eunseok looks over his shoulder and his eyes are comically wide. He looks so cute. Sungchan smiles sheepishly.
“Unbelievable.”
Eunseok still pulls both of their underwear down and makes room for Sungchan to slip inside.
He’s loose and wet. Responsive and sensitive. Warm and soft.
He’s patient and straightforward.
His best friend. His now boyfriend?
“Is this real?”
Eunseok slots their fingers together. It’s weird but only for the first few seconds because the gesture speaks for itself. All of this is new for both of them.
Sungchan can’t wait to experience more.