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When Kei proposed sharing an apartment in Sendai following their last year in university, Tadashi agreed despite his lingering reservations.
Reluctant to admit it aloud, the forced proximity agonized him to no end. A decade of weekly sleepovers could not prepare him to wake up to Kei on a daily basis, especially after spending the last four years living on opposite sides of campus. The image of his neat and tidy friend burst within the first week. Tadashi routinely came back to Kei lounging around the living room with the entirety of his work outfit in a haphazard pile next to the couch. Mugs, with leftover tea and sugar sitting at the bottom, stacked up on side tables to the point where Tadashi considered buying disposable cups. At least once a week, he walked in on Kei eating off cutting boards, claiming it was too much energy to wash dishes and make food and eat said food and wash dishes again in the same night. Any normal person would be disgusted or at least annoyed by any number of things Tadashi witnessed.
To his chagrin, Tadashi's habits took shape around Kei instead. Tadashi placed a perfectly-sized laundry basket under the side table so neither of them tripped over clothes anymore. After they finished watching their nightly show, he carried stacks of dishes to the sink and loaded them in the morning before going to work. To his surprise, Kei complied and started to pick up some of the slack, tidying as soon as Tadashi got home and loading laundry a minimum of once a week. He even started eating off plates. Tadashi expected to continue bending over backwards, and he appreciated that Kei noticed and doubled in the efforts in keeping their apartment in order.
Tadashi preferred skirting around other, non-cleanliness behaviors, like Kei's soft knit sweaters that were much too short. Every time he raised his arms past his shoulders, the fabric rode up and gave the world glimpses of his v-line. Tadashi snuck glances with a flushed face, and he hoped that Kei was none the wiser.
Even worse, he hung out in the common areas shirtless during the peak of summer. When it happened the first time, Tadashi prayed to any higher power listening that it would a one-off incident and not something that would haunt him everyday for months.
Changing in shared club rooms all through high school desensitized Tadashi to seeing bare chests, but years of professional volleyball stretched taut muscles across Kei's back and arms. Tadashi, blushing from neck to ears, regularly sought refuge in his room to calm his heart.
The initial lighthearted joke on Kei's semi-naked form resulted in a long-winded complaint about the lack of air conditioning in the apartment, save for Tadashi's space. Tadashi offered to switch right there and then; he had no reason to keep that room even if he ran warm, but Kei outright refused with no follow-up comments. They argued back and forth for weeks, and after every exchange, Tadashi snuck away to his en suite bathroom, one hand on his dick and the other stifling moans despite the two door barrier. His heart suffered from enough shock in the last year, but the alternative of no longer being close to his friend hurt to entertain. He withheld his remarks and decided to deal stress as it came.
Tonight Tadashi fared no different.
As soon as he pulled into their assigned parking space, Tadashi turned the ignition key to kill the engine, and the faint glow of the car lights slipped away from Kei's flushed face.
"We're here," Tadashi murmured.
Kei glanced up from the passenger seat, eyes half-lidded from their typical Friday post-work cocktails. He missed the seatbelt buckle the first few times before it unlatched, blush deepening and crawling up his ears. He huffed and opened the door with more force than usual; Tadashi couldn't help but giggle at Kei's pout.
"Slow down there, Champ, don't want you missing the keyhole now," Tadashi teased, exiting he car.
He bumped shoulders with a flustered Kei on the walk up to their apartment, and neither made any move to step away. The usual tension Tadashi felt slipped away after a couple of strong drinks at the bar closest to their work places. In these moments, he relished in the flirtatious jokes, casual touches, and the exchange of cheesy pick-up lines seemingly without repercussions and all within the comfort of the furthest booth from the bar entry. When the effects of the alcohol wore off, they resumed their distance, and Tadashi shrugged off the disappointment as best as he could.
"Fine, you open the door, Captain," Kei grumbled, resting his head against Tadashi's shoulder.
He fumbled for his keys buried in his pants pocket. An unexpected warmth tickled on his neck, and he nearly jumped out of his skin. It gave Kei enough permission to snake his arms around Tadashi's waist, pressing even closer against his back.
"Hurry up, it's cold out here."
Give a guy some room to collect himself, Tadashi complained internally. His jumbled brain missed the opportunity to point out how not cold it was and would stay that way for the next couple months. Nevertheless, he managed to jiggle the door open with shaky hands. Kei's firm hold kept them both in place, stopping Tadashi before he could step inside. Tadashi's heartbeat shot up to his ears, and he hoped it went without comment or notice.
"Tsukki, we have to go inside if you want to warm up."
Kei hummed and buried his face further into Tadashi's back, refusing to budge. He dipped into this well of control in order to not push Kei away; enjoyment and dread battled in this body. Sure, they shared beds plenty of times and secretly held hands during low moments of their lives, but this was too new. He couldn't even remember the last time they hugged; they reserved most of their closeness to squeezing on a single couch, despite their long limbs. It required too much energy for them to avoid touching entirely, so he justified the tangling of their limbs as a byproduct of convenience. But standing at the entrance of their apartment with Kei's soft breath tickling him?
"Tsukki," Tadashi whined.
"Fine, fine," Kei begrudgingly replied.
He released his grasp, and as soon as they stepped inside, Tadashi rubbed his still-racing heart over his button-up. Even at their drunkest, they never hugged quite like that, typically sticking to brushes on the arm or the leg. He contemplated his next move, a few options lighting up in front of him: (1) completely ignore what just happened and touch himself to the idea of Kei dry humping him on their couch, (2) tease Kei for his unusually touchy behavior until he stormed off in anger, or (3) ask him in earnest what that was about and get a non-answer. The third choice toed the imaginary boundary of their dynamic, but if he picked the first one, he would at least get to cum.
Tadashi kicked his shoes off and started walking toward his door having decided on his pleasure. A pair of footsteps followed at his heel and a warm hand found his own, forcing him to stop; his brain short-circuited, unable to follow-up with a question.
"Can I..." Kei trailed off.
Tadashi whipped his head back to see Kei's eyes fixed to the side, avoiding eye contact. The last year had really been unpredictable, but this felt downright surreal. Tadashi half-expected for a camera crew to pop out of his room and tell him about this new prank show that the Sendai Frogs were participating in for the "sponsorship money" or promotion.
"This is so dumb," Kei mumbled under his breath.
Tadashi did his best to hide the hurt on his face; urging his friend to finish his explanation posed more problems than he was willing to confront tonight, or ever. Kei caught the subtle expression shift and tightened his grip before Tadashi could slip out of his hold.
"I'm going to go to sleep," Tadashi said. The crack in his voice betrayed his effort to be nonchalant.
"Can I join you?"
Confusion masked his excitement. This request could mean nothing, and worry bubbled up at the realization that he'd have to hide his stress if he agreed.
"Like for the night?"
Kei nodded, tugging on Tadashi's arm to bring him closer. He bit the inside of his lip to disguise whatever mix of emotions surfaced.
"Sure," Tadashi said weakly.
To his relief, Kei let go to open the bedroom door before any more awkward exchanges happened. He shed his clothes at the foot of the bed, and Tadashi followed suit, stealing one too many glances to his friend stripping down to his underwear. All of this existed in a reality where everything remained platonic; after all, the sweltering heat of the summer made sleeping clothed difficult, even with the wall AC whirring right above them. The two climbed under the thin linen sheets, still avoiding each other's gaze.
Tadashi laid as far from Kei as physically possible, and he planned for his erratic heartbeat to lull him to sleep over a couple hours. His eyes stared up at an empty ceiling, mind wandering to any distraction it could reach. However, Kei had other ideas. He slid closer and pressed his chest against Tadashi's side, hand running up the flat planes of his torso all the way up to his neck. Tadashi gasped and turned his head away, eyes darting to anything he could make out in the darkness. Kei's fingers traced Tadashi's jaw, before turning his head to lock eyes.
"Is this okay?" Kei whispered, heat radiating off his touch.
Tadashi sucked in a breath and nodded once.
The longer he stared, the more his breathing labored. One of them would have to move; toward or away from the other, that remained unclear. They danced around the boundary, hoping the other would be brave enough to leap across. Tadashi's mouth hung open, unable to get himself to do anything beside gaze at a moonlit Kei.
Tadashi broke the silence, "why are you doing this?"
The sudden inquiry startled Kei enough for him to start drawing his hand back, but Tadashi grabbed onto Kei's wrist to keep him from withdrawing any further. Tears pricked at the back of Tadashi's eyes, and he did his best to blink away the pain.
"It's warm here," Kei answered. The words 'with you' went unspoken.
"Right, that's it," Tadashi said.
Posing it as a question handed Kei the power to destroy whatever started here. Tadashi refused to have his long time fantasy ruined on a random Friday night and especially not by said person; if it was too much to fulfill, he wanted to hold onto the illusion for a little longer.
"No, but please don't make me say it," Kei whispered.
"You have to because I don't understand."
Tadashi shuddered at the hand tracing the contours of his back all the way to his thighs. In one swift motion, Kei lifted Tadashi to a straddling position, faces now inches apart, and blond hair splayed out from underneath Kei. From this distance, the lingering cypriol and vetiver from his cologne invaded Tadashi's senses, intensifying as he got pulled down.
"Tell me to stop," Kei begged.
"I won't," Tadashi replied, closing the space between them.
Part of Tadashi searched for all the ways this would go wrong or if he misinterpreted this situation altogether. The touch of their lips sparked a burn that spread like wildfire under his skin, reaching and engulfing all doubts that kicked at his brain. He savored the heat and faded Kahlua emanating from Kei and licked at his lips in between open-mouth kisses. Tadashi committed to memory the taste of Kei's saliva, the feel of his smooth teeth, and the small gasps flowing into Tadashi's mouth. His hands found purchase on Kei's waist, and he sunk his touch deeper into the damp skin. Each squeeze earned soft whimpers, delighting Tadashi. Every sensation melted together under their shared fervor, the sweat breaking out on Tadashi's forehead, the dull fingernails that raked down his spine, and the calloused hands that teased the skin under his waistband.
The last traces of alcohol faded from Tadashi's system, and he choked from the sudden awareness of all Kei's bare skin pressing against him. Dizziness flooded his mind. The expanse of Kei's nakedness lit him ablaze, and Tadashi's control faltered as his cock hardened, straining against his boxers.
Breath caught his throat, Tadashi drew back to stop himself from crying. Kei crushed his searing lips along Tadashi's neck, collecting beads of sweat on his tongue and lapping at the ambrosia. His hands splayed on Tadashi's tender thighs; lost in his senses, he missed Kei lifting him up until his back hit the linen sheets. Moonlight shined around his cheeks and hair, a halo appearing above him. He managed to slip his glasses off, giving Tadashi full view of pools of honey. Kei gazed at Tadashi's blushing face, his eyes brimming with tears and cheeks dusted pink.
Kei ground his hips, hard length pressed against Tadashi's through flimsy fabric layers. A moan ripped through his chest, sound waves bouncing off the confines of the room; in the faint light, Tadashi saw black overtake amber and a maniacal smile spread over Kei's face. Sinking his teeth to Tadashi's erratic pulse, Kei thrust his hips down again and again, chasing Tadashi's sounds of pleasure. The world outside this bedroom, this moment ceased to exist as they fell into rhythm. The future and all of its consequences mattered not, and they lost themselves in favor of devouring each other as they pleased.
Tadashi's eyes rolled back and his mouth gaped open, clipped moans escaping his throat with wild abandon. His cock leaked against his boxers, stickiness of the room making the fabric cling to his skin. He ignored the discomfort, arching his back to feel more of Kei. Adjustment, even briefly, meant he could put a stop this entirely, and Tadashi wanted more time to indulge in his selfishness, to map out what made Kei whine in pleasure.
Kei pulled away, all the pressure disappearing, and Tadashi's fears reared its ugly head.
"What's wrong?" Tadashi said, biting his bottom lip to shield his shaky voice.
"Can I take these off?" Kei replied, fingers sneaking under Tadashi's waistband and drawing small circles at his most sensitive spots.
Tadashi chewed on his lip, unable to speak. He all but stopped breathing; the internal heat set fire to his worries and left him only with his unending desire and whimpers. As the seconds ticked and groans, Kei flushed redder and redder, and his hands began to tremble through his ministrations. The sight of a nervous Kei kickstarted Tadashi's brain and allowed him jump headfirst into his hunger.
"Yes, yes, I need you," Tadashi pleaded, hands sliding under the elastic band of Kei's underwear.
They stared transfixed and ripped the last piece of clothing off the other's body as quickly as possible. Pressed up against one another, Tadashi internal burning overwhelmed him. He needed something, anything, to dissipate the weight off his throat; everything felt like too much, too strange to be real, even in the throws of enjoyment. Sensing this, Kei glanced down where their hard cocks made contact.
"You never told me that your dick was pretty."
Tadashi's jaw dropped, not expecting levity to be delivered in this form, but nonetheless, a grin broke out on his face. Kei joined him, chuckling under his breath at his own silly comment. The tension dispersed as they laughed, still skin to skin. All the years in knowing each other and familiarizing themselves in the other's quirks settled in their bodies; even as their laughter quieted, Tadashi understood that being together could and should be easy and painless.
"Shut up and kiss me," Tadashi replied, still smiling.
Kei wasted no time in slotting their mouths together, dragging his bare cock against Tadashi's. Pre-cum leaked and pooled onto his stomach, and Kei collected as much as his fingers could manage. When he passed his thumb along both their sensitive cock heads, Tadashi shuddered, breaking from their kiss to gasp. Kei used the space to bring his hand to his mouth and lap at their combined flavor. Tadashi's eyes widened; he swore he would be thinking about Kei licking the pre-cum off his knuckles for the next year.
"Do you want to taste, Tadashi?"
He couldn't figure out if his moaning came from hearing his given name come out of Kei or from presented such an offer. He nodded and lolled out his tongue, inviting Kei to slip slim digits into his mouth. The feeling of sucking on those fingers made his cock twitch, and he surrendered to Kei's smirk, body nearly limp as he coated Tadashi's taste buds with the salty and bitter fluid. His brain felt so far away, and he tangled his fingers into Kei's locks, thread anchoring him into reality, one where all he tasted, felt, smelled, heard and saw was Kei. He groaned, pushing his fingers further down Tadashi's throat. Tears welled up and fell on his cheeks as Kei continued thrusting his hips down against Tadashi's.
The frictionless slide of their cocks brought Tadashi to heaven, and he thought that he died sometime between the bar and being home. He didn't know what he did in his life to grant him such an eternal reward, but it didn't keep him from hollowing his cheeks around Kei and arching his back to feel more and more of this ecstasy.
He whined when he suddenly swallowed at the nothing, eyes watering in a silent plea. Tadashi's brain denied him any coherent thoughts or requests, but his dissatisfaction only lasted for a second. Kei captured his lips and slid his hands grip both their cocks, their spit and pre-cum providing ample amounts of lube through every stroke. Tadashi wrapped his legs around Kei's waist, curling his toes and pressing his feet against Kei's back as he set a torturous pace. Their sensitives heads slid out their foreskins and into the humidity. Kei made no move to rush even as Tadashi thrashed under him; he busied his other hand by grasping Tadashi's face, his moans seeping into Kei's mouth.
Their shared breaths and sounds of pleasure filled each crevice of his brain and pushed him into overdrive. Even through his trembling, Tadashi relished Kei's fluttering eyes, the sheen on his skin under the dim moonlight, or tears trickling onto Tadashi. When his eyes flickered down, he could see the very fingers he dreamed about for years wrap around him, tempo agonizing and mesmerizing all the same. The fire within him continued to scorch, pooling the hottest at his belly.
"Kei," Tadashi recited Kei's name, supplication slipping out of him over and over again, and Kei returned this with his own admission.
"Tadashi, I'm so close - I'm so close - I love you so much. I love you, I love you, I love you-"
Kei whimpered his confession repeatedly, words filling the space around them as his strokes hastened. He could not even process the sheer weight of this revelation, too busy focusing on his peak fast approaching. Kei overrode every thought and every sense Tadashi experienced, and he devoted every bit of his existence of this moment. Kei panting grew heavier and heavier until Tadashi craved the air from Kei's lungs. The mere thought of their breaths starting and ending in different places pained him, and he remedied it by bringing his mouth to Kei's.
Kei's moan reverberated through Tadashi, and it pushed him over the edge, cum shooting between their bodies and sticking to his abdomen. Kei chased his own release, his movements losing rhythm as his orgasm fast approached. He continued to stroke against Tadashi's softening cock, grunting and clutching Tadashi's jaw for grounding. Their kiss broke as Kei sunk his teeth into Tadashi's shoulder, a splatter of heat hitting Tadashi's chest. Kei's peak washed over him, and he squeezed as much pleasure as he could as his rapture crested. Tadashi whined and pushed Kei away from the overstimulation; Kei complied, trembling and taking a few deep breaths to slow his heartbeat.
Tadashi swam in having his fantasy fulfilled, and if he was lucky, they could bask in the afterglow together.
Kei crawled away, to Tadashi's disappointment. Was it over so soon? Something warm and wet lapped at his cock head, and his body twitched at the sheer overwhelm. He looked down, eyes widening when he made the connection. Bathed only in the moonlight, Kei gazed up at him, utterly possessed, his tongue traveling up the path of cum on Tadashi's torso. He lapped at every drop of the sticky mess, and Tadashi covered his face in embarrassment. Broken moans slipped out of his mouth from each pass of Kei's tongue. Even without his glasses, he pulled on Tadashi's hand and intertwined it with his own, a quiet plea for Tadashi to continue watching.
He obliged, concentrating on Kei's mouth as he cleaned up every bit of his stomach without complaint.
"You didn't have to do that," Tadashi whispered as Kei sat up.
He ignored the comment and finished licking at his hand, eyes still locked onto Tadashi's. Kei savored their combined taste, his fingers lingering at his lips after he finished. Satisfied at his thoroughness, Kei slid his body under Tadashi's arm, snuggling against the radiating warmth. Tadashi's body sunk, tension returning tenfold once the moment of their orgasms passed. He turned his face away from Kei, who remained pressed against his chest. Fighting against his cowardice, Tadashi spoke.
"Thanks for... you know."
His eyes flicked to Kei, who stared back perplexed. "What are you talking about?"
"You did that because you wanted to be warm, right?" Tadashi clarified. Kei's face fell flat, blinking a few times before he spoke up.
"What? No, if I wanted to be warm, I'd go to my room, you know, where there's no AC."
"Right," Tadashi said, wariness clear in his voice.
"Did you not hear my confession?" Kei replied with an uncharacteristic shakiness.
Tadashi heard it. Registered, internalized and believed it, that was an entirely different story. He gawked at Kei, unsure how else to continue.
"No - no, I did. I just," Tadashi started but faltered. The weight of their night sunk into his brain, leaving him speechless. Kei shook his head and pressed a quick kiss to the corner of Tadashi's mouth.
"I'm tired, let's talk about this in the morning," Kei said through a yawn.
"Fine but just so you know, Iloveyoutoo," Tadashi finally replied, taking his arm back to turn away in embarrassment.
Kei wrapped his arms around Tadashi's middle and pulled him closer, nuzzling and pressing kisses into his hair.