Work Text:
The Shade
You are no longer here. So please leave.
The first time it happens, it's because Shaw isn't paying attention. She is lost in her thoughts. Wandering through the city without a real destination in mind, just a vague sense of what she wants. Something to eat. Something strong to drink. So when the pay phone rings, she answers it without thinking.
"Hey, sweetie." Root's voice purrs into her ear.
Shaw slams the phone down. Hard enough that the cradle shatters into a dozen tiny plastic pieces. The handset falls, crashes into the pay phone, sways violently. Shaw's hands fist at her sides as she turns her gaze to the security camera above her. It blinks at her silently. She wants to curse at it. She wants to shoot it. Instead, she shoves her fists into the pockets of her jacket and turns away.
The second time is weeks later. Shaw wakes violently, her hand automatically reaching out for a body that isn't there.
I killed her.
The thought spikes through Shaw's mind. Feels real. Feels true. Shaw sits up, swinging her feet onto the floor as she inhales deeply. She forces herself to remember. She never killed Root. She hasn't killed Root. Root is dead, yes. Root was shot, yes. But not by her. God, please, not by me. Shaw is learning how to live with what Samaritan put her though. She is relearning how to trust herself, trust that this is reality.
(Shaw doesn't want it to be reality. Occasionally she will wish to be back in the simulations. Because killing herself more than 7000 times was nothing compared to this. At least there, Root lived.)
She is learning to separate reality from her time in the simulations. But sometimes Shaw forgets. Sometimes she thinks they broke her. That she is the reason Root isn't here anymore. She dreams of pulling the trigger in a playground, watches as Root's body falls and folds in upon itself. She can still feel the warm gun in her hands..
On the nightstand, her cell phone rings. Shaw answers.
"Sameen." Root's voice sighs at her.
Shaw doesn't know what she could possibly say. What do you say to the ASI that claimed your dead girlfriend's voice as Her own before the body was even cold? So she doesn't say anything. But she doesn't hang up, either.
It becomes a thing. The Machine calls, and Shaw answers. Root's voice slides into Shaw's ear and settles in her stomach like a stone. She listens to Root's laughter. Endures the playful tone as Root's voice teases her. And after a difficult number, when Root's voice scolds her for being reckless, Shaw punches through the wall in her apartment.
"Why are you doing this?" Shaw asks. It's been a month since she started picking up when the phone rang. It's the first time she's spoken to the Machine.
"Doing what, Sam?" Root's voice is light. Amused. Shaw grits her teeth.
"Using her voice."
"What voice should I be using?"
"Literally any other voice in the world." Shaw growls. Silence. Shaw keeps scanning the street, watching for her latest number, and waits.
"When I lost you," Root's voice eventually returns, "I would have done anything to get you back."
"This isn't bringing her back!" Shaw shouts.
"Isn't it better than nothing?" Root's voice is soft. Sad.
Shaw doesn't have a response.
The line disconnects with a faint click, leaving her alone with her thoughts.