Chapter Text
The ride back to his own house was very quiet, he sat in the backseat, with a box he picked from Fourth’s closet that stayed beside him rocking with every bump the car goes through.
He can feel Ploy’s eyes lingering at him through the rear mirror checking up on him from time to time while driving.
“Is there something important in it?” She finally breaks the silence, making Gemini get out of his daze.
“Yes. It holds our memories.” and that was enough to answer the importance of it for her.
The ride fell back to quiet rhythm of wind blowing, and engine thumping like it’s trying to cast away this painful silence and grief but it was of no use, not when Gemini’s eyes still lingered on that box like it had answers to everything, why was he couldn't bring himself to throw it away,every question that has burned in his chest past 3 years.
“Wash up and get changed, I'll be heading home now.”
Gemini just hums getting off the car, no actual response to her.
“Gem, I know, what he meant to you. But, don’t—” “I’ll not do anything, Ploy. I’ll be fine, just go.”
He turns and strides towards the entrance with the box in his hand, “Okay, but don’t forget to see if you can find any important documents in his stuff, his relatives have been ringing up my phone.”
He doesn't respond, just keeps walking, damn those relatives who didn't care a bit about Fourth when was alive, a warm body, breathing.
—
Warm—no, actually burningly hot water pours from the shower, he stands under it, not a single muscle moving even as his skin is burning, almost as if he's punishing himself for something he did or something he didn't, precisely, saving Fourth.
He doesn’t realise when the water flowing down over his body is now mixed with tears too, cause he swears he doesn't remember the last time he cried, or maybe he did.
But he doesn’t sob, that would be too pathetic now, too exposing and finally accepting what he has been burying down for so long, right? and he shouldn't be doing that, except he does, he sobs. loudly.
He doesn't realise he's now on the floor with his knees curled up towards his chest until the water that's pouring becomes painfully cold. He jerks up, puts his towel around torso, you didn’t save him, his reflection speaks in mirror, he looks away before he’d do something like joining Fourth, and give him the tightest hug ever as he whispers apologies over and over.
When he flops down again on bed, his eyes now red around the corners, with no emotions behind them, his eyes fall to the box again. It doesn't take him much time to get up and place it on his lap as he rummages through it again.
Now that he's not rushed he finds a few perfumes in it too, he notices each and everyone of it being his favourite ones. we had so much of similar taste.
His eyes fall on Polaroid again, he flips it, behind are initials GF written with black ink in a scribbled handwriting that Gemini knows is his own.
He remembers that day very clearly, it was one of their casual hangouts, except this was at an abandoned beach, Gemini had took Fourth there to distract him when he was feeling low, Gemini didn't particularly know the reason why he was feeling low, but he wanted to do everything he could to make him feel better, just because Gemini got a girlfriend recently, didn't mean Fourth could be upset alone like that.
But then, he didn't expect, but it happened,
FLASHBACK
—
“So, fotfot, could you tell me why you seem so sad?” fourth’s smile falters for a second before he places it back it's place.
“It’s nothing, Gem. I told you.” Gemini sighs this time pouting as his eyes focus on Fourth’s that are scribbling random letters in the sand.
“You think I don’t know you?” Gemini’s gaze turns a little sharp, but Fourth doesn't see it, too focused in his scribbling, he sighs before placing his hand on Fourth’s hand to get him to pay attention.
That does it. An annoying flip in stomach. Fourth’s hand suddenly felt too warm under his. He had touched him hundred times yet, now he doesn’t feel like letting it go. what's happening. what's this.
Fourth’s eyes linger on joined hands but he removes his so quickly as if the touch burned him. Yet, he doesn't say anything, just stands up dusting away the sand on his pants, he murmurs, “Let’s go back now, Gem.”
and walks away leaving Gemini still on sand, heart beating like crazy even without doing anything.
—
That feeling stayed in Gemini’s heart, he found that weird feeling in chest everytime their hands accidentally brush, everytime he pinches Fourth’s cheeks to tease him, and he isn’t stupid to what that feeling is, but he can’t accept it, not when there's a beautiful girl with her hand around his arm, looking with so much love towards him, not when Fourth keeps stepping back two steps everytime Gemini touches him. does it disgust him? but tell that to his heart which kept feeling weird things for Fourth.
That’s when he decided, to step back by himself now, not physically, entirely, that was what best, I have a girlfriend, I should stay loyal, she loves me, I need to keep her happy, and this weird feeling will be gone too, and Fourth won’t find out and get disgusted by me either.
worst decision of my mfcking life. he whispers to himself now staring at those initials with tears threatening to fall from his eyes once again.
His phone lits up when a message from her comes, ‘Documents.’ worst. he repeats, neither was she happy with him, you dumped her 2 days before wedding, why would she be? the voice in his head interrupts, he sighs. and thanks to that decision he couldn't save fourth.
you didn't save fourth.
you didn't save fourth.
‘Don’t blame yourself.’ another message interrupts his thoughts. He rubs his palm across his face before putting aside the Polaroid and bringing attention back to the box.
There were papers spread apart at the bottom of box, right beneath the stack of perfumes. He picks one, ‘4’ it's labelled and sealed. He opens it and sees the first word, It's addressed to him, It’s a letter for him, not some document.
He wrote letters to me? He stuns before scrambling through to find all the seven letters, each folded neatly and labelled in ascending order. For someone as clumsy as Fourth, he put so much efforts in it.
Gemini takes the first one, but he doesn't open, he flips it around atleast 100 times, he has swallowed his own saliva 30 times per two seconds for now, he stares it, his body full of nervousness of what could it be in there, he doesn't have the courage to open it. But, the letter stares back at him as if to challenge, fourth is speaking to you, won’t you listen?
fuck fuck fuck fuck this.