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“Have you ever had sex?”
They’re laying together on the double bed in the hotel room with only the hallway light on, and Paige doesn’t really know why she says it. She’s not trying to start anything—they’ve only just sorted through the feelings conversation—but it’s one topic that their otherwise comfortable friendship never broached. She’s curious.
Azzi stares up at the ceiling, her curls down and spread out on the pillow. They’re in Houston this weekend, playing a late season game, one of the last before March begins. Azzi’s wearing sweatpants and the tie die t-shirt that she always wears to sleep in; Grand Marias, Minnesota, across her chest.
Paige begins to worry that she’s gone too far when Azzi replies softly, hesitantly, “Yes. Twice.”
“What?!” Paige’s stomach flip flops at that information. “Twice?”
“Mhm,” nods Azzi. “Once with a guy and once with a girl.” Paige is overwhelmed with that information. She’s not sure what part is harder to take in, the idea that Azzi’s let a guy touch her, or that she let another girl.
“What, you jealous?” Azzi turns to face Paige with a smirk. Paige wills herself to stay cool.
“No, I just hadn’t thought about it before.”
“What, have you never had sex before?” Azzi looks at Paige searchingly.
“I mean sorta, I guess,” she replies, feeling her cheeks flush, grateful for the dimly lit room.
“What do you mean you sorta guess you’ve had sex?” says Azzi, laughing. “Either you have, or you haven’t.”
Paige swallows. “I mean, I guess I fingered a girl once.” Her cheeks are bright red now, she knows it. “But I don’t know if that counts.”
Azzi falls back onto the pillow. “Paige, I’m pretty sure that counts.”
It’s quiet for a moment until Paige can’t take it anymore. “I mean, what is sex with a girl anyways?” She bursts out. “Like, what even counts?”
Azzi turns back over to Paige and looks her right in the eyes, a little exasperated, a little amused, and something else Paige can’t quite place.
“I think it’s whatever you want it to be, Paige.” And then she puts one hand in her hair and leans in to kiss her, soft and deep. A feeling of surrender comes over Paige, a feeling that she’s come to associate with Azzi. Her brain is short circuiting, her mind all over the place, all over Azzi, her hand in Paige’s hair, her soft lips on hers, the swell of her chest, the curve of her hips…
Paige pulls away, clears her throat.
“You ok?” asks Azzi, concerned.
“Yeah, just, water,” she says vaguely and
walks to the bathroom.
When she gets to the sink, she has to remind herself to breathe before splashing water onto her face. She doesn’t know what’s got her all flustered, except that she’s so infatuated with Azzi that it’s overwhelming. She drinks deeply from the cup by the sink, sits on the toilet seat, stares at the door.
“Hey, can I come in?” Azzi knocks on the door. Paige takes a breath to reply, but Azzi’s already opening the door.
“Hey, what if I was pissing?”
“Well, you’re not, so.” Paige sighs and gets up, fills the cup up again in the sink. Azzi wraps her arms around her from behind and Paige lets her, leans into Azzi’s embrace and relaxes a little.
“Are you really ok? I’m really sorry if I said anything wrong.”
“No, no, you’re fine,” Paige says quickly. “It’s just, can we take things slow?” she asks, praying that Azzi understands so she doesn’t have to explain more than she needs to.
“Yeah, yes, of course P,” says Azzi, pulling her in closer and hooking her chin on Paige’s shoulder.
“You still wanna cuddle tonight?” asks Azzi tentatively.”
“Az, of course, we were doing that before we even kissed,” says Paige, and Azzi giggles.
—
Paige can’t sleep that night. Long after Azzi’s body has stilled, her breath slowed, Paige is still tossing and turning, her mind racing.
She thinks about the time that she fingered that girl. It must have been her junior year of high school, about a year after she met Azzi. It was at a basketball tournament, and she and a teammate were rooming together. Paige doesn’t even know how it happened; all she remembers is that the girl had asked her if she’d ever touched herself and when Paige said she hadn’t, the girl—her name was Lauren—had told her she wanted her to touch her, and Paige had, if a bit awkwardly. She was pretty, Paige remembers. She looked kind of like Azzi, but she was shorter and her personality was different, more aggressive. The whole thing felt kind of like a dare and Paige left feeling embarrassed and very confused.
Briefly, Paige thinks about how Azzi would look under Paige, how her pretty lips would open if Paige curled her fingers inside of her. It makes Paige’s stomach well up with desire, thick and pulsing. Azzi’s arm, pressed up against Paige’s side, suddenly feels hot. She turns over to lay on her side.
When Paige finally falls asleep, it’s restless. She dreams that Azzi is telling her to come into the other bed, that they need to talk. And Paige wants to go over there but she can’t for some reason, and now there’s a man in the bed with her, in nothing but boxers, watching while a girl that looks a lot like Lauren makes out with Azzi, grinds on her thigh.
When Paige wakes up, Azzi’s already gone to breakfast.
—
Paige moves through the following week in a haze. She barely sees Azzi outside of practice because they both have been trying to get ahead in school before March Madness starts and makes everything more complicated, and Azzi’s got a big essay due.
They make do; Paige bugs Azzi at training to get her attention and Azzi pretends to hate it but still lets Paige kiss her in the locker room after everyone’s left.
Paige spends the rest of her waking hours thinking about Azzi, about their talk in Houston.
Azzi’s calm facade, her confidence on the court, have always been the things Paige loves most about her. No one can frazzle her or take down her guard. No one except for Paige. She’s always trying to get under Azzi’s skin. But lately, it’s all she can think about.
One night, while Paige is trying to read a paper, stretch, and contemplate if she should text or call Azzi all at the same time, Azzi texts her and invites her to watch an episode of White Lotus in her dorm.
Azzi: ive got popcorn
Paige: be there in five 🙏
When Paige arrives, she tries to ignore the way that her heart beats heavy in her chest, and when Azzi opens the door wearing a black tank top and sweats, she has to remind herself to breathe.
It’s just Azzi, she said we can take it slow, she thinks, but a quieter, more persistent part of her brain is telling her that won’t be necessary.
“Hey Paigey,” says Azzi, cocking her head to the side and reaching out for a hug. “I missed you.”
“I’ve seen you every day this week Az,” she says, but just to tease her because she understands.
Azzi just kisses her, and already Paige can feel the warmth spreading through her body, swirling in her stomach. It’s an passionate kiss, their mouths locked together, Azzi’s tongue pressing into Paige’s mouth.
When they pull apart, Azzi’s eyes are wide and Paige is feeling more and more sure of how badly she wants her.
“Did you finish your essay?” Paige asks, just to break the silence.
“Yes, just before you came over, thank god,” says Azzi, rolling her eyes and moving towards the bed. “It was a bitch.”
“I’m sorry, I’m glad it’s done,” replies Paige.
“Yeah me too,” says Azzi, smiling a little. “Come sit,” she adds, patting the bed beside her. Paige flops down on her stomach.
“Or lay, that’s fine too.” Azzi puts a hand on Paige’s back, rubs once up and down.
“Wanna watch White Lotus?” Azzi asks as Paige flips back around, and she looks so pretty with her hair up like that, so Paige takes a moment to admire before nodding.
“Whatchu staring at?” laughs Azzi. “With your doe eyes.”
“Just, you look pretty is all.”
“Wow, pretty now, not just cute?”
Paige rolls her eyes and pushes Azzi away. “Go make me some popcorn dummy.”
When Azzi leaves, Paige hugs her knees into her chest and breathes deeply. Azzi’s apartment smells like citrus and Azzi’s perfume, which doesn’t help the growing feeling of heat in her abdomen.
She can barely focus on the episode of White Lotus, not with Azzi leaning into her side and certainly not when she shifts so that her pinky is resting on the outside of her thigh. Paige leans into the touch, each motion making her resolve grow thinner. So when the episode ends and Azzi reaches for the remote to start another one, Paige grabs her wrist.
“Wait,” she whispers and Paige kisses her again, deep and purposefully. This time, she bites Azzi’s bottom lip gently and to her astonishment, Azzi lets out a whimper, her body tensing up against Paige’s. Paige pulls away and Azzi looks at her, cheeks flushed and lips swollen.
There’s a moment of silence, and then.
“Paige, I know we said we were going to take it slow, and if that’s what you want that’s perfect,” Azzi says in a breath. “But if you want me, I’m all yours.”
Paige’s breath catches in her throat. “Azzi,” she says weakly. “Are you sure?” she asks, trying not to make it obvious how much that affected her.
“So sure,” replies Azzi, and that’s all Paige needs to hear. She’s kissing her hard now, straddling her thighs and Azzi folds for her, melting under her touch. Paige leaves a trail of kisses along Azzi’s neck, sucking and biting gently, and she really doesn’t know what she’s doing but she knows it’s making Azzi squirm, so she keeps going, one hand roaming down her chest, one on the other side of her neck. She can feel Azzi’s pulse fluttering underneath her fingers.
When Paige fingers the bottom of her tank top experimentally, Azzi reaches down and meets her hand there, helping her pull the fabric over her head. Paige’s eyes roam over the wide expanse of bronze skin, the purple bra that covers her boobs, the crease in between them. It’s not like she’s never seen Azzi shirtless before, but here—intimate and personal like this—feels so different.
“Can I take this off?” Paige asks, feeling more confident know, and Azzi nods, pulling the bra over her head. Paige runs her hand slowly up Azzi’s chest and swirls her finger around her left nipple, watches as it hardens under her touch. Azzi moans unabashedly and Paige leans down to kiss her on the swell of her chest, sucking gently and palming the other with her hand.
“Paige,” Azzi says through her teeth, and Paige pauses for a moment to catch her breath.
“Azzi,” she says slowly. “Will you touch yourself for me? The way you would if I wasn’t here?”
Azzi’s eyes widen, her pupils dark and intense. For a moment, Paige worries she’s taken a step too far, misread the situation. “If you don’t want to, I mean, I just thought,” she scrambles awkwardly.
“Shhh, Paige, yes, fuck, that’s just the hottest thing I’ve ever heard.”
Paige smirks and kisses her on the collarbone. She watches as Azzi fumbles with the elastic on her sweats, never loosing eye contact. And then Paige watches as Azzi’s eyes grow wide and her breath hitches.
“There you go, Az,” Paige breaths, because she doesn’t quite know what else to say. “Make yourself feel good for me.” She peppers kisses down her collarbone, cupping her boob and squeezing, making Azzi arch her back.
“Do you think about me when you do this by yourself?” Paige asks.
“Fuck, Paige, yes, always you,” moans Azzi, and Paige’s stomach curls at the thought of that, Azzi touching herself with Paige in her mind.
“Jesus Azzi,” Paige breaths, moving so she’s straddling Azzi’s legs, kissing the soft skin on her stomach. Azzi’s hand is between her legs, her fingers contracting.
“Can I help?” hums Paige, sliding her hand down Azzi’s forearm and onto her hand. Azzi holds Paige’s gaze for a moment before nodding. “Yes, please Paige.” Paige can hear the desperation in her voice, so, wasting no more time, she flips Azzi’s hand around and slides her fingers slowly through her wet core.
Azzi lets out a strangled noise and Paige sees stars, feeling the wetness between her own legs increase.
“Fuck Azzi, you feel so good,” she says, using her index finger to rub her clit. Azzi just keeps repeating her name over and over again like a mantra, voice strangled.
Paige is out of her mind with arousal, the feeling of Azzi on her fingers intoxicating. Carefully, she slips a finger inside of Azzi and watching as her back arches, her head thrown back. Paige, looking for any contact she can get for herself, lands on Azzi’s thigh and grinds slowly, biting back a moan.
Azzi’s mantra of Paige’s name is getting faster, her voice higher and higher pitched, and Paige is close too, her underwear soaked through to Azzi’s thigh. She can feel Azzi’s walls clenching around her, her breath fast and steady.
“Paige, I think, fuck, I’m gonna cum.”
“Az,” moans Paige, as white hot pleasure courses through her body, trying not to slow down the pace of her fingers inside of Azzi.
Azzi lets out a groan as her thighs clench around Paige’s fingers, and Paige watches in awe as she comes apart around her fingers, Azzi’s face screwed up in pleasure. In a moment of pure ecstasy, Paige thinks that this is all she’s really wanted, to get to be the one that Azzi trusts enough to let down her guard around.
When Azzi collapses onto the bed, breathing heavily, Paige slowly pulls her fingers out of her and meets her with a sloppy kiss.
“Christ Paige,” says Azzi weakly, once she’s caught her breath. “That was…unbelievable.”
“Was it ok?”
“P, it was so much more than ok,” Azzi says, astounded.
Paige blushes, because now that the heat is gone she’s reminded of the vulnerability of it all. She ducks her head into the crook of Azzi’s shoulder, breathes her in. Azzi runs a hand up and down her back.
“That was wonderful.”
“You’re wonderful.”
Paige lies in Azzi’s arms for a while, listening to her heart beat and feeling her warm body against hers.
Finally, she has to know. “Was it better than that girl and guy?” Paige tries not to think too hard about it, but she’s curious.
Azzi chuckles. “Always competitive, my Paige,” which makes Paige blush again, but Azzi doesn’t let her hide this time. Holding her head in her hands and looking deep into her eyes, she says “Do you want to know the truth? The guy was my high school boyfriend and I faked it to make it end faster. And the girl was a mistake, she said she was just experimenting, and I said I was too but I really just thought about you the whole time.” Azzi gives her a kiss. “You were and are better for me than anyone else could ever be. Do you understand?”
Paige nods. “Ok,” she says finally. “I understand.”
“Good, because if that was the last time we ever did that it would be a damn shame.” Paige shakes her head and laughs, falling off of Azzi and onto the bed.
“Az,” she says, finding her hand and locking their fingers together. “I love you.”
They’ve said it before, but only when ever under the guise of friendship, the way that their teammates would after a game-saving shot. Paige hopes she understands that she means it differently this time.
“I love you too, Paige,” says Azzi, giving her hand a squeeze, and Paige thinks that she gets it.