Work Text:
Everything takes place after they “defeat” the clown as children. Takes place in 1958/1959, like in the book. Everything they mention that gave them trauma, is what happened in the sewers in the book. I do not agree with what happened, I just wanted to write a fic conveying how I hope that it would bother them, because I don’t want what happened to not bother them. What happened should bother them. (Beverly convinced all 6 boys to have sex with her. I nearly cried reading this) (WTF STEPHEN KING) (PLS DONT CONVINCE ME THAT THE BOYS LIKED IT)
...
Time. Time passed by differently somehow, but Eddie couldn’t quite put his finger on the reason why. If there was an inspiring or depressing quote that were to shine above all of the millions of other ones in literature, perhaps the word why would be the one. It’s not the word why specifically, but rather what comes to mind to the person. If you saw a huge, “WHY?” Plastered onto red ink all over a brick building, or on a book cover, or written in a foggy window moment before, what would come to mind? Would it be something simple? “Why didn’t I do my homework last night?” “Why am I so sleepy?” “Should I get coffee?” Or… Would it be dark… “Why did she do that? She promised, didn't she? Why-”
His mind lazily analyzed things lately down to their very core. He stared at blank walls for hours. He tried to go on walks around the block like he used to. He tried watching trains pass by like he used to. He would be playing with toy cars, eating breakfast, reading a book, or going on a walk, anything… and the ending result would always be the same. No matter what he tried to do to occupy himself with the very few days left of summer, nothing could occupy his mind. He would always end up staring down at his cereal bowl, staring down at his toy train, staring at his feet in the middle of the sidewalk… how long had he been staring into space this time? He never knew. There are always so many unanswered questions. How many more questions until he reaches an understanding? How much understanding is required to reach a peaceful mind?
Take me take me take me. He thought. God, just take me. He furrowed his brow, realizing that he didn’t make sense. He didn't wanna die, he just wanted his mind to be swept away in the arms of something more peaceful. But isn’t this peaceful enough? He blinked up at the bright blue sky, a cloud passing by. He got away from his mom for a few hours, he went on a walk like he always does to clear his mind, it was quiet, and he was alone. So why isn’t it enough? He ran his teeth together harshly, earning an audible sound. SO. MANY. FUCKING. QUESTIONS. He tried to calm himself, peering over his shoulder in a failed attempt to direct his train of thought to something else.
A blue jay sat perched atop a high branch. Stan always liked birds. How many days has it been since I’ve seen him? Or anyone else for that matter? Time just felt too different now. Seconds felt like hours, minutes felt like… days… his mind was hazy all the time lately, veiled by such a thick fogginess that nothing seemed to bring him any interest anymore. He felt bored but not exactly, because he didn’t actually want to do anything that was available to him, or couldn’t.
He rubbed his eyes. They felt warm and glassy, since he was staring at the sun for too long with minimal blinking.
It all came down to the bottom line: He just wanted to be a kid again. But he lost his innocence, so… how to cope?
...
That night he didn’t stare at the ceiling for too long, sleep embraced him after a long day of walking around town and letting his mind wander freely.
However, a banging sound coming from down the stairs disrupted him. Normally one would think not to answer the door at 2:00 am, but curious for the best of him. An invisible string beckoned him, and so he forced himself to stumble down the steps and approach the front door.
He unlatched the door without a second thought, too tired to care. “Tired” in more than one sense.
Bright blue eyes and large, rounded coke bottle glasses stared down at him blankly.
“Richie,” He mumbled, squinting up at him in the dark, and then peering down at his watch. “It’s…” Honestly, he didn’t have the energy to finish that sentence. Nodding as if Richie had actually replied yet, he stood away from the doorway, holding it open for Richie to come inside.
“What are you doing here?” He asks him once they’re both situated on Eddie’s bed.
“It’s Sunday.”
Eddie tilted his head, glancing at Richie skeptically. “What’s that supposed to mean? It’s 2 in the morning, what’s going on up there?”
Richie shrugged, appearing to feel a mix between casual and bored rather than guilty and exhausted.
“Your mom works real damned early in the morning on Saturdays.”
Eddie didn’t answer.
“You know… 10 pm to 4 am. Then she sleeps for a few hours before everyone goes to church.”
“I know this already.”
Richie shrugged. “I thought I’d pay dear Eds a visit since your mom ain’t here.”
Confusion took over Eddie’s features, as if he was deep in thought.
This isn’t a math equation. Richie thought. “We hang out sometimes, you know, since Mrs. K don’t like any of us.”
“Oh. Right”
“H-” Richie breathed, but before he could get a word in Eddie was already onto him.
“Don’t look at me like that. I’ve just been out of it, is all.”
“Wanna see the comic I got from the library the other day? It’s the newest addition to the series.” Richie held the comic up. It seemingly came from nowhere. Eddie didn't even see him hold it just moments before.
Suddenly everything clicked. Richie comes over to visit on Sunday mornings. I just forgot since I haven’t seen him or any of the others in a while. We used to have sleepovers frequently but he came late today for some reason.
But Eddie was far more perceptive than that. And so was Richie.
“You didn’t come here for comics, did you?”
“I did, actually. Thought you'd wanna hang out. You know, since we haven’t hung out in a while.”
Eddie scooter closer to him, laying his head on his boney shoulder. “What’d you get?”
Richie did all he could to will himself not to tense up, and failed to make his posture look more relaxed. Eddie wasn’t arguing with him, that’s a huge plus. Today ought to be a good day.
After laughing and reading the comic together for almost an hour, Richie heard a response mumbled by his shoulder.
He hated the idea of waking Eddie up, he just couldn’t bear it. His expression was cute and relaxed, and-
He ran his fingers through Eddie’s hair, listening to him hum something incomprehensible. “Hey, Eds? Sorry, I should probably head out now. I already kept you up too long. Need your beauty sleep, right?”
“Mmm~” Eddie groaned in annoyance, but Richie ignored it and laid him down on his back anyways.
Eddie weakly mumbled a reply. “W… Wait. Why’d you come see me so early?”
“Shhh go to sleep”
“What’s wrong?”
“It’s nothing.”
Eddie grabbed Richie’s shirt sleave when he attempted to get up. “Stay”
“I didn’t bring a sleeping bag”
Eddie blearily opened his eyes, squinting at the light in his room. “S’ fine.”
Richie tentatively turned off the bedside lamp, then gingerly climbed into bed next to Eddie.
Eddie looked so peaceful like this, and acted so out of character when he was half-asleep.
He peered at his face briefly before dozing off himself.
…
Dream: Eddie felt thoroughly consumed by the darkness. Where? Where? Where is the exit? God he couldn’t find it for the life of him. Were they gonna get stuck down here?
He approaches Beverly as if he would come up to his mother as a small child seeking comfort
Beverly embraces him comfortingly. Eddie soaks up all of her warmth, wrapping his arms around her.
“What do you want me to do Bev?”
“You gotta put your thing in me.”
Eddie gasped, jolting up in bed. Tomorrow. No, today. Today’s church.
Before he knew it he was hyperventilating, unable to control himself. His body tingly and sweaty, and suddenly he felt too disgusted to be in his own skin. A shower wouldn’t do anything, would it? He ran his hands through his hair, his breathing becoming erratic and loud, wheezing terribly.
Richie stirred next to him, rubbing the sleep from his eyes in confusion. “Wha… Eddie?” His eyes widened. He jolted up from the bed, nearly tripping as he stumbled around the room looking for the inhaler. He felt his hands around, fumbling blindly before snatching it out of a bedside table drawer.
Eddie let him hold it even when it had already been put in his mouth. Richie had no problems with pressing the top of it down, too.
Eddie let out a few coughs, still struggling to even out his breathing again.
“Hey, hey…” Richie rubbed his back comfortingly.
“Today’s Sunday.” Eddie said blankly
“Well, yeah. What about it?”
“Today I go to church.”
Richie didn’t reply, waiting for Eddie to get to the point. But Eddie didn’t say anything.
“Eds…” He grabbed Eddie by the shoulders “It’s ok. It’s just you and me. Today will continue like normal, yeah? We killed the sucker. IT is dead now.”
Eddie shook his head, averting his eyes “No that’s not it.”
“What was your dream about?”
“Nothing. Let’s just go back to sleep.”
Richie turned his head to face him. “Hey” he said softly. “It’s ok, you can tell me what’s up.”
“I can’t go to church tomorrow Richie” His voice wavered
“What do you mean you can’t go? You’ve gotta.”
“I‘ll… I’ll be damned!” Suddenly he bursted into tears, crying hysterically
“Whoa. Whoa. Hold your horses. Just where is this coming from???”
Eddie made an attempt to cover his face as he sobbed “Bev… Bev’s a friend! I love her, I really do, but-but as family. Not like a mom and a dad love each other.”
Richie looked down. “You know that we had to do that, we had to connect somehow. We were losing our connection to each other and the magic was fading away. It was the only way to find our way out of the sewers. Now stop crying.”
“But that was bad, Richard! That was really bad! No sex before marriage! I’m going to hell.” He said the last sentence flatly.
Richie shifted uncomfortably, unsure of what to say because nothing could lighten up the situation. “It calmed us all down and then you were able to find our way out. We made it out, right? That’s all that matters. We could’ve died in there and you saved us.”
Eddie pulled his hands away from his face, bleary eyes peering up at Richie
“Oh, don’t look at me like that” Richie whispered under his breath. “Come here” He pulled Eddie into a tight embrace.
Eddie let his face fall into his shoulder again, stifling his sobs. He quieted down, letting Richie pet his head. “You can’t change what’s already been done.”
He sniffled, arms going lax around Richie’s neck.