Chapter Text
2012, December 8th.
"So Giyu, are you ready for Christmas yet?" Tsutako asked, smiling warmly down at Giyu.
"Of course I am ! I love Christmas but it'd be better if you gave me one of my gifts.." he said, grinning up at his sister, without a care in the world minus what presents she got him.
"Oh really? Well, maybe.. " Tsutako grinned, pretending to consider it.
"Please Tsutako!! Just one pleaseee!" Giyu begged.
"Alright, fine! Just a small one though.." Tsutako relented.
She handed him something from her room, in a small jewelry box with a little blue bow on it. It had a tag that was old, even his little 11 year old mind could tell.
It was wrinkled, slightly ripped. But it looked important, special.
"Here you go Giyu, I want you to be very careful, okay.? Never lose it." Tsutako warned seriously as she handed the box to him.
He took the box, gently, like he was holding his life in his hands. He unwrapped the bow, with precision, carefulness. The box let out a weird sound from the hinges, the dust coming off revealed a pendant, a necklace perhaps? It was a dark blue gem with swirls of green mixed into it as well. It looked like one of those expensive necklaces Giyu had seen rich people wearing on the streets.
It was different though.. It had something engraved, he didn't know what it said.
"It's a protection spell Giyu, father wore it all the time, he wanted it to be given to you, when the time was right." Tsutako explained, her voice small, almost fragile.
-
2013, January 23rd.
"Tsutako? Tsutako, where are you?!" Giyu called out, forcing his way out of the closet he had been shoved into moments ago.
“Please God.. Whoever’s out there, let my brother live. He doesn't deserve any of this. He deserves a life full of smiles, and love." Tsutako muttered under her breath, tears streaming down her face.
Giyu stumbled out of the closet. Tears were running down his face, slowly mixing with the blood splatters that weren't his. "Tsutako?" He ran to the body of his dearest sister, the last person he trusted. She looked up at him one last time and reached her hand up to grab his. “I’m sorry.. Giyu…” Then her arm dropped and her eyes closed for the last time.
"Tsutako, wake up! I'm right here!" he shouted, even though he was the last person alive there. He sobbed, “Please! Please don’t leave me alone too…”
-
2013, January 24th.
"What? No, someone else was in the house. I'm not imagining things." Giyu insisted, annoyed
"Honey we're just saying, there was no trace of anyone else in the house, beside you." The officer said. She’s short, and stupid.
"What?! You think I killed Tsutako?" He raised his voice and jumped from his seat, slamming his hands on the table.
"I would never hurt, let alone kill my sister! She was the only person that cared about me!” He yelled angrily, about to hit the detective, until two other cops got involved, grabbing Giyu by his arms.
"I think it’s settled," she said, walking away and started talking to another dirty looking cop, “He’s probably going insane, his parents died only a few years ago, and there goes his sister.”
‘Me.. Insane?’ Giyu thought, baffled.
Giyu spent several years of his youth in a mental hospital. They weren’t all bad though, not till he met Sabito. He was 12 when they met. They both were.
But we all leave someday.
2018, February 9th.
"Sabito..? SABITO! Please stay with me, you're not allowed to leave, not you too.." Giyu broke down sobbing.
T
hey decided he was the juvies problem after that. He spent 1 year in there, until they just closed Sabitos case as suicide. Except it wasn't. It was those people who always made fun of them for being.. "weird," or maybe gay sounds better.
2019, July 17th.
"Giyu Tomioka?" The guard called out. "Heres your stuff, better not see you again-" Giyu cut him off by snatching his stuff and walking away without a word
He was out, but he wasn’t free. They couldn't let him be free anymore. It was like being moved from a cage to an ankle bracelet with a chain, attached to the house he grew up in.
2025, January 4th
"Get out of my head. Im not fucking crazy. Stop playing with me. FUCKING STOP." Giyu screamed internally.
His mind was always cluttered around this time, since his sister had been dead for almost 9 years straight. He reached for the door of the medicine cabinet in that old house that started to rot, along with him too. They stared him straight in the face. Those pills. The faces of pharmacists when he would come back the next week or so asking for a refill.
"Just something to make it through the day." He reminded himself.
Right?
No water, he didn't need it anymore. He didn’t need anything anymore.
Leaving for work, and stepping out in the busy streets, it was always the worst part of the day. He hated the city. The way he felt people looked at him made his skin crawl.
"Hey! Tomioka!" a high pitched voice yelled, but familiar. Too familiar.
'Holy shit, I knew he had it rough, but damn.' The all too familiar voice thought when they saw the state Giyu was in.
"Hi Tomioka! You remember me?" She asked. There was a pause of staring and silence.
"Well it’s me! Ko- Shinobu."
"Kanaes sister?" He said, looking down confused slightly. He hadn’t seen the Kocho sisters since he was little.
"Yes! Ahh thank God I thought I had just embarrassed myself!" Shinobu smiled brightly. Another awkward pause.
".. Sorry about Kanae" Giyu awkwardly apologized.
"Thank you! But anyway.. Where are you headed?" Shinobu asked, as nosy as ever.
"Work." Giyu deadpanned.
"Ohh yeah that checks out.. Well! I have the whole weekend off, we should catch up! It's been way too long. Here's my number!" she said, giving him a small piece of paper.
"Thank you." he said, slipping the paper into his pocket, looked at her for a moment, then continued walking to work
S
he looked at him, the back of his head, just staring, smiling, a little. A real smile, the first in a while.
It was slow at work today, too slow. He pulled the card out of his pocket. The numbers were written so perfectly, delicate, fragile, broken.
Before Kanae died, she didn't tell Shinobu about Tsutako, just that they couldn't hang out with the Tomiokas anymore because of an accident. Shinobu probably thinks Tsutako's still alive.
Kanae Kocho, died 7 years ago from some serial killer that was killing young girls in Japan. That's the only reason Giyu didn't go fully insane, because deep down, he knew that that same serial killer must’ve killed Tsutako too.. Right?
-
When work was going too slow, he looked at the number again, and traced the numbers with his finger.
He didn't call, because who would want someone like him back in their life anyway? His silence was interrupted by the 2nd loudest thing in the office, "Good afternoon, Tomioka! How's the tox report going?!" Rengoku said, more like screamed, as that was his default volume.
"Still waiting on it, apologies," Giyu said, putting the paper down, switching to a more productive tab than the wallpaper on his laptop.
"That's perfectly fine! These things take time!" "Now, Uzui's forcing me to ask if you could cover for him tomorrow because he's helping a friend move back into town, and since you both basically do the same thing, L.T. said it's alright!" Rengoku asked enthusiastically.
"That's alright." Giyu agreed.
"Great! He's gonna come back early in the morning however to grab some things. I'll see you tomorrow, Tomioka! — Oh and cheer up! Tanjiro said you're coming to Little Genya's birthday party, whether you like it or not!" He shouted as he walked away, finally getting quieter and quieter.
"Great." Giyu sighed internally. He groaned as he heard his back bone crack along with his fingers. His bag — that was falling apart, hung sad on his shoulder. Then finally, just finally, he could step into the elevator.
After getting back to the place he used to call home, he threw his shoes next to the door, along with his bag. He walked around for a bit, he always did. He didn't really know why, but maybe because he was trying to find something that proved he was innocent — because deep, deep down, Tomioka didn't know if there was really someone other than himself in the house when Tsutako had died.
But if he did, if he did really kill Tsutako, then he knew he deserved way worse than what he's gotten so far.
-
That sound again. That agonizing sound.
The fucking alarm clock.
"Out of all fucking things that have broke in this house, why wont that fucking break." Giyu annoyingly asked himself.
He hit it, and hit it again, pressing every button there was to press.
Eventually he just got up and threw it in the other room. His back always unleashed the most aggressive crack when he woke up, like he was dead and was just brought back to life.
He grabbed a pair of sweats and a ripped up hoodie from a mysterious pile of clothes in a corner, not knowing if they were clean or not. Then looked for his busted up jeans from yesterday for his keys, he heard the jingling sound and went for the pocket, the keys came out, but so did that paper.
He had forgotten about it , why.?
He tossed the paper on his bed and walked out the door with his keys in his pocket.
"When is the day gonna come where I finally get run over?" He asked himself.
He pulled up to the department, dreading even walking in there. So much for his day off.
He dragged himself to the elevator, starting to realize the elevator was as busted up as he was.
"Hey! Tomioka! Hold the door!" Uzui yelled from down the hall.
He was this close to pressing the close button till he saw a familiar face.
"Tomioka works here? How neat!" she said, walking next to Uzui.
"Why is she here.? Is she upset that I didn't message her? She doesn't look upset though." Giyu wondered.
"You know Tomioka?" he said, stepping into the elevator and looking at Giyu, "Damn Tomioka, I didn't know you were popular!" Uzui laughed.
"I'm not." Giyu said, not reciprocating the enthusiasm.
"Look how humble he is," Uzui said, grinning towards him
Shinobu had recently moved back to this area, and Tengen is a friend of her foster dad, Gyomei.
"Okay Kocho I'm just gonna grab some papers that I need and then I'll come out." Uzui said, getting quieter as he walked away.
They both stood there for a moment, then Giyu walked past Shinobu to his office. She followed.
"So! When's your next day off?" Shinobu asked.
"It was supposed to be today, but it's Tuesday." Giyu mumbled.
"Great! I have Tuesday off as well! Let me see," she said, grabbing his phone and doing that weird thing where you tap the top of the phones together to share your contact information, "There you go! All set." Shinobu smiled widely.
"Alright Kocho, you ready?" Uzui said out of breath and peeking his head in through the door.
"Yup! make sure to text me, Giyu!" She yelled, walking away.
"Giyu.? When was the last time someone called me that.. " Giyu asked himself, feeling his face heat up slightly.
"Right." he said, not knowing if she could even hear him by now.
"It couldn't hurt.. Right?
Usually, all his words, every single letter he wrote, he wrote with extreme precision, carefulness. Like he was scared that if he made a mistake, they'd think he was an absolute failure. But for some reason, the remainder of the day, he was shaky, trembling, even. When he wrote, all his words were.. vulnerable. He was vulnerable. Why? Was it Shinobu? Or was it really because he knew if he interacted with Shinobu anymore, he'd slip up. Someone from his past, who knew little innocent Giyu — would make Giyu find things out about himself, things he didn't wanna know, things that were better left untouched.
Was that it? Did he really just need to close everyone out? More than he already has? Does he need to close himself out.?
Is it better off he doesn't know anything about anyone including himself? Or is it better if he was just — "Tomioka!"
"Huh?," Giyu gasped, wide-eyed, his palms sweating.
"Jesus Christ, Tomioka! Are you fucking deaf?" Shinazugawa spat.
He coughed, and fixed his posture, like it would help.
"I need that fuckin' tox report dumbass." Shinazugawa said, spitting in his face after every "ffffucking" he said with that stupid accent.
"Here," he said, wiping the spit off his cheek and handing him a paper file.
"'Bout time. What're you thinking about anyways?" Shinazugawa asked.
Giyu thought it would be better just to say nothing, maybe he'd go away. But it was Shinazugawa.
"Nothing." Giyu responded, unhelpfully.
"Bullshit. What was it?" he said, getting too pushy as usual.
"Leave it." Giyu said, with a certain tone that made it obvious he was getting pissed.
"Alright dumbass. Anyways I'm going downtown Wednesday, wanna come with?" he said, winking and leaving Giyu with an uncomfortable face.
Giyu never considered him and Sanemi "friends" but they did grow up together and had fun at one point, but Sanemi moved a long time ago – even before Giyu's parents died.
He took a deep breath, going back to his usual, stoic expression. "My shift’s over," he said, grabbing his things in a hurry. Giyu knew what "downtown" meant. Sanemi was always too high to care what gender he got something out of.
"Is that a no?" Sanemi asked, standing up and closing Giyu's office after he walked out. "You're missing out!"
-
He ended up walking home. Just for the thoughts.
"Fuckin' move asshole!" some guy said, pushing Giyu on to the ground, walking into an alley.
He got up, wiped the blood on his palm on his pants, and walked behind him.
"You got the shit?" An anxious voice asked.
"Of course," just two useless shits, a drug dealer and a junkie, a drug dealer who looked oddly familiar. It was a person from a case they were working on. Apparently he had raped a little girl then killed her and her mother. The genuine scum of the earth if you were to ask Giyu.
Then those intrusive thoughts won.
"Hey," Giyu said, walking towards them with purpose, the junkie running away, and the dealer getting ready knowing what was about to happen.
"You ain' gettin' shi-" the sound of rubber gloves hitting skin and the sound of bones cracking interrupted him.
"I don't want any of your street shit," Giyu said, hitting him once more, and again, just to feel a relief. A feeling.
3 minutes later they both sat there. Both covered in blood. But it belonged to only one person. One sat there, pitiful and probably dead but it was deserved. The other sat there, eye wides still, probably high or just tweaking, from that feeling. Maybe just feeling in general. The feeling of doing something so wrong but feeling so right. That feeling of blood making its way down your arm that isn't yours for once. It's exhilarating, calming, almost.
He stood up, blood dripping on the ground, was this alright? Was it alright to feel again? He knew what he had to do, it was so obvious. For the first time in a while he didn't have a care in the world, for the first time in a while, he smiled. It was broken and upsetting. Probably unsettling for people, seeing a man go through a mid-life crisis while walking through on-going traffic.
People honked their horns and yelled through their windows, but he didn't care. He unlocked his door, finally stopping his blood trail as he took his shirt and threw it to the side. He wasn't smiling anymore, his mouth grew tired, but really he didn't need to anymore. It was useless. He started to realize how he felt now. Finally, It only took him 23 years. But he had to ask himself;
"What about Shinobu? What about Tanjiro? What would they think?" He wondered.
It doesn't matter though. Not anymore.
There was a ping. A noise he hadn't heard in a while.
"Hi Giyu! It's Shinobu! I just wanted to make sure you know it's me!"
He hesitated, but picked up his phone.
"Do I reply?" He asked himself.
"Okay." He hesitantly responded. Shinobu opened his message instantly.
"Get some sleep, please, you look dead every time I see you:(” Shinobu typed back quickly.
"Okay then.” Giyu replied.
He put his phone on do not disturb and turned it off. Too much talking for one day. "Okay then," he muttered in a mocking tone, falling down onto the makeshift pile of blankets, pillows and various clothing he called his bed. "How am I gonna deal with this?" He asked himself, sighing.
-
-
-
-
The next day, work. Again..
He opened the door and sat on the chair that was slowly shifting farther down every time it was sat on.
He started crying. Why was he crying?! He shouldn't be. He rolled his chair back into the corner of his office.
'Why am I so fucking pathetic. I killed someone last night. Tsutako would hate my guts. She probably does. I would too, if my brother had murdered. . . someone... What would she think? What would mother and father think? What would Shinobu think.?' Giyu berated himself internally.
He didn't deserve any of this – he knew he didn't. Tsutako deserved something like this. Not him. He didn’t deserve to be alive, but she did.
Too bad he ruined her chances at that.