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Sunny is just having a little sleepover with his friends tonight, but his mind won't stop racing.
The other day, he and Basil had almost drowned in the lake. He had jumped in to try and save Basil, but it's not like he really could've done anything anyway. Sunny knows how horribly useless he is.
Aubrey must feel really bad right now. The way she was so angry at Basil made Sunny's stomach turn inside out. It was all Sunny's fault. He had defaced the photo album and Aubrey had blamed Basil for it. Why didn't Basil just tell her it was Sunny's fault? It's not like Aubrey could bully Sunny instead, he had shut himself away forever.
Maybe he thought that Aubrey wouldn't believe him? But Aubrey wasn't like that was she? Aubrey was nice and loyal. She was the one who befriended Basil first anyways. Would she really not believe him? Or maybe Basil was just trying to take the blame. He was trying to cover up for Sunny again.
Sunny felt his stomach turn again. He felt horribly guilty. He had done so much wrong, yet here he was having a sleepover with his friends. He didn't deserve this. He shouldn't have come outside in the first place, this was all too lively. He didn't deserve to be alive, let alone feel alive. But that's all he'd been doing these past few days and he'd be lying if he said he didn't miss the feeling.
For the first time in four years, Sunny was surrounded by his friends. His real living, breathing friends. Even if it would never be the same as back then, it was still comforting to be surrounded by the people he cared about. He wished he didn't have to leave. His eyes burned and his head hurt. He was always able to fall asleep easily, but tonight he just couldn't stop waking up.
Something felt off, it wasn't like him to keep waking up in the middle of the night. The only instance in which he'd wake up was if he needed to use the bathroom, but even that was generally rare for him. Maybe it was Kel's snoring? Aubrey did end up putting earplugs in to escape the auditory nuisances. Does she just carry earplugs on her? Sunny stared up at the ceiling.
But Sunny had many sleepovers with Kel before and slept perfectly fine. Maybe he should just go to the bathroom. He could wash his face and then walk around a bit. Perhaps he would be able to clear his head. He got out of bed and stood up, his eyes glaring down the dark hallway.
As he quietly made his way to the bathroom, he could hear the sound of someone mumbling in a nearby room. Who would be talking this late at night, was it Polly? Maybe she was on a phone call or something. That probably didn't make sense. Or was it Basil...? Sunny thoughts felt all jumbled up and his surroundings grew fuzzier.
He hadn't been here in so long, everything felt so foreign to him now. But why? Sunny hated it. He couldn't remember things. He couldn't recognize things. He couldn't comprehend things. But that's a lie, Sunny thought. It's not that he couldn't do all those things, it's that he wouldn't. He would intentionally forget things, ignore things, disregard things, and do anything to keep his mind quiet. It was already so loud.
Whatever he could silence he would, but some things were much more difficult to get rid of. Like the ghost girl in the mirror, the eyeball that followed him around, the spiders that adorned the walls of his house, the stranger hidden in the shadows, and the glowing red light that called for him. But even so, he was able to face them in the end. He would persist because he knew that he could. He would face Basil and save him.
Sunny could hear the words that were being spoken in the other room. The room to the right of the bathroom. Basil's room. A person he'd tried to forget. A memory he didn't want to relive. But no matter how much he wanted it to all go away, and no matter how many times he destroyed the teal-haired flower boy, the same feeling would always arise in him. The need to find him. Because the world would feel empty and incomplete without him.
Again and again, Basil would go missing and Sunny would search for him. No matter how deep into blackspace the gardener was banished to or how many times he was killed, Sunny would try to bring him back. Just like how things would never be the same without Mari, things would never be the same without Basil. He needed them both. But if he couldn't reach for Mari in this life, he could at least try to grab onto Basil.
Sunny missed him so much. He just wanted his friend back. But his friend had been tainted by an indescribable evil that day, and morphed into thousands of shadowy vines that suffocated Sunny. Basil wasn't the same. Even if Sunny wouldn't accept it, his subconscious would remain adamant. A fact that Sunny hated. Because he was plagued by memories that proved it to be true. Basil was a monster. But Sunny would never agree, because he was just as much of a monster if not worse. Maybe he should just die-
Sunny was snapped out of his thoughts as the sound of his friend's voice dissipated behind the wooden barrier. He stood in front of the door to see if he could hear anything. Basil always had a nice voice. It was gentle and modest. Even if he stuttered a bit, it just made conversations feel more comfortable and natural. Sunny missed hearing Basil ramble on and on about plants, their friends, emotions, books, photography, and even Sunny himself. Even just being in Basil's company was a delight that Sunny took for granted all those years ago. He really missed Basil. Sunny kept trying to listen through the door. But it was silent now.
He should go check on Basil. He needs to face this head on. He hadn’t been there for his friend for so long, but now was his chance to. The real Basil was right behind that door. Sunny had missed him so much. He takes a deep breath and decides to go in. Sunny's hand began to turn the doorknob. He needs to see his friend again. He needs to apologize. He needs to tell Basil that he forgives him. The ominous aura in the air thickens as Sunny steps into the floral scented hell that is Basil's room. Basil jumps at the sound of the door creaking open.
"Ah! W-wait don't c- uh... S-Sunny is that you...?"
Basil chokes on his words. Sunny nods, closing the door behind him as he reasserts himself a few feet in front of his friend.
"You’re here. It's- I'm uh..."
Basil pauses and looks down at his hand. He quickly hides something behind his back.
"S-sorry... I just can't think of what to say. Um...It's nice to see you Sunny."
Sunny doesn't respond. He simply stares at the other boy, observing him from afar. Basil's grown so much. His hair still looks the same and he still wears that pretty flower in it, but other than that it's like he's a different person. But Sunny knows that's not true. It's still Basil, his friend that he missed so much. Sunny waits in silence for something to happen, or perhaps for Basil to speak once more. As if on cue, Basil opens his mouth again.
"Do you want to talk about anything? You're moving away soon so m-maybe we could catch up before you... leave."
Basil asks the other boy. Sunny once again does not respond. Basil seems to be at a loss for words. His facial expression shifts from a nervous smile to quiet anger. What was Basil doing? A few seconds pass and Basil begins to mumble under his breath.
"Why do you leave for so long after making a promise and then... then, you have to leave, forever. Y-you didn't even talk to me at all. You could've at least told me somehow... o-o-or said goodbye you know? I know I don't deserve it but it still hurts Sunny."
Basil suddenly walks forward and grabs onto the dreamer's hand. Sunny is taken aback and now stares directly into Basil's eyes. Deep blue voids that will forever haunt his subconscious and sully the memories he has. Eyes he won't ever forget. Even in his dreams, the black silhouette in which banished the flowery sinner had those same eyes that pierced into Sunny's skull. He wants to run away, but feels Basil's grip tighten around his hand.
Perhaps the boy didn't realize it himself, but his nails were now digging into the back of Sunny's hand. The suffocating grasp causes the dreamer to yank his hand away and shuffle back further from the gardener. Basil realizes his subconscious aggression and begins to profusely apologize.
"I'm sorry Sunny, I'm sorry! I-I didn't mean to- I just wanted to..."
Basil sighs.
"I haven't seen you in so long it's just gotten so lonely. Don't you feel that way too? Being shut in for so, so long..."
Basil pauses to consider his next words. Sunny doesn't want to be here anymore. He just wants to ignore it all again, shut it away like he did with himself. It didn't matter how much he missed Basil, his friend would always be a reminder of everything he wanted to forget. The easiest way to live was to run away, and that's exactly what Sunny was going to do. He began to slowly back away towards the door.
"Wait Sunny p-please! I didn't mean to hurt you, I just haven't... umm. L-Lets just stay here, together. Sit on the floor and keep each other company. Like when we were kids, remember?"
Basil offers a fake smile.
Sunny stares at him with a frightened expression. He is visibly nervous and backs away, his hands shaking. Basil looks at Sunny with that crooked smile, as if the situation was just a childish conflict that could be solved with ease. Why was Basil acting like this was all fine? Something felt awfully wrong, even worse than the initial feeling Sunny had upon entering the room. Basil's hands were shaking too, the garden sheers he was loosely holding might drop at any second. Why does Basil have sheers now? The tension in the air begins to grow and the initial ominous aura returns. It was beginning to suffocate the both of them. Sunny's breathing labors and he begins to panic. What was Basil going to do with those sheers?
"I know that it's hard to deal with it all, but you know it's not your fault right? You're not a bad person Sunny. You couldn't have done... that. It's okay, b-because we're here now, together. You came back. S-so please stay, even if it's just for now..."
Basil inches closer to Sunny, a disturbing grin still plastered across his face. Sunny doesn't want to be here anymore. The blonde fades into a dark silhouette unrecognizable to the dreamer. Sunny doesn't know where he is anymore. He needs to go home, he needs to leave. Where did his other friends go? Are they still waiting for him in the colorful room with the big yellow cat? Sunny backs away and turns towards the door. A white door that leads to a world where everything is okay. A door that serves as an escape route from the grueling reality that torments him. He reaches forward to turn the knob before he is stopped by a hand wrapping around his wrist. Sunny hears the sheers fall to the ground.
"No. Y-you don't get to go... It's selfish of me, I know, but I need you Sunny! I need to protect you, there's something lingering near and it's not safe. But don't worry, it's okay! I can keep you safe. Just... please don't leave me again, my best friend."
Sunny shakes his head. His eyes dart all around the room, making out shapes and faces in the dark. The situation feels unreal. He tries to speak but he can only utter out a quiet whimper. His head feels fuzzy and he can barely make out the door in front of his face, nor the person shakily clutching his arm. Something surrounds him.
"I-I know you're scared Sunny, I am too, but we're here together. Don't be afraid to lean on me Sunny, please. Everything's going to be okay, I promise..."
Sunny turns around to face the boy who utters the nonsensical words of comfort. Sunny bites his lip. It bleeds. He needs to feel real. He needs to feel pain. He winces and his knees give out. He falls to the ground and drags the other boy down with him. The whole situation feels like a dream to him, and no matter how hard he tries, he just won't wake up.
"S-Sunny are you okay...?"
Basil grabs Sunny's shoulders as his gaze shifts from dazed insanity to worrisome alertness. Sunny's head hangs down as Basil tries to get a look at his face. Sunny's eyes begin to unfocus. The floor, the walls, the window, the stranger in front of him, and his own body all begin to blur. Everything warps, twists, and spins. Sunny trembles slightly, unaware of the increasing pace of his breath. He feels like he can't breathe. Every breath of air that enters his lungs escapes just as fast as it comes in.
"I'm sorry Sunny, please just look at me... I-I'm really sorry and I know we haven't seen each other for a very long time but I still care about you. I-I just..."
Basil inhales deeply, his breath seemingly as shaky as his hands. He seems to be trying to calm down, or at the very least soothe himself. The silhouette in front of Sunny is grabbing onto him, shaking him, and calling out to him. But Sunny remains frozen in place, unable to speak. The dreamer suddenly feels rain fall into his lap. Rain? But it doesn't rain indoors. Sunny thought to himself, his mind turning to foolish simplicity to direct his attention away from the horrors that currently surrounded him. The stranger in front of him must be crying then. But why?
"I'm sorry Sunny. You know you aren't a bad person like I said. If you want to h-hate me that's okay... But, just stop trying to leave me okay? It can be like before where we just sit and talk. You don't have to worry about anything Sunny, I can take care of it! But p-please, don't leave me. I don't think I can take it anymore. I'm s-so so selfish but I can be useful Sunny. I can do whatever you want, j-just give me a chance... please? Please Sunny…"
Basil rambled on through his stuttering and tears. But Sunny wasn't listening. His mind wouldn’t let him. His gaze remained fixated on the dull carpet beneath him. All the fuzzy little curls twirled and danced below him. If he looks close enough, he can make out shapes and images on the floor. A cloud, a cat, a ball, a rope, a tree, and... an eye? It seems so familiar. But something seemed off about it for some reason. Sunny pokes his brain for possibilities of what it could be. Then Sunny remembers. It's her's. It's her eye. Sunny feels his stomach turn, the nausea is starting to get to him. He digs his nails deep into his arm, it's all too much. If only he had his knife with him, maybe then he could get rid of the fear.
"H-Hey, don't do that Sunny! Please look at me, just say something! I'm sorry, please j-just just... JUST LOOK AT ME PLEASE!"
Basil yells at Sunny as his tears drench Sunny's shirt. Sunny immediately snaps back to reality and looks up at the flower boy. But his reality disappears just as quickly as it returns. The room seemed to be distorting even more now. He feels hundreds of eyes on him, watching him, judging him, piercing him. Basil grabs both of Sunny's wrists to prevent him from hurting himself further. He holds them for a few seconds before realizing the condition they're in. Scars, bruises, and cuts all littered the arms of the dreamer. From far away, one would barely notice the patterned lines on his arms. However, upon closer inspection, one could clearly see the harmful nature of which the lines connotated. Although there were many, many cuts and scrapes, only one had been properly bandaged. It was halfway up Sunny's wrist just a few inches from the bottom of his hand. Basil could tell the bandage was caked in blood even in the darkness of his room. Basil looks up at Sunny with a mixture of worry and confusion, as if questioning how he got the wound. Sunny averts his gaze away from the gardener and stares petulantly at the ground.
"D-did you do this Sunny...?"
The figure questions him. Sunny does not respond. He really doesn't want to be here anymore. Sunny attempts to escape Basil's grasp, but the blonde retains a firm grip on his arms, keeping him still on the floor. Sunny really, really doesn't want to be here anymore. He continues to fight the iron grip the other boy has on him but it's no use. Basil tells Sunny to stay still, but he doesn't comprehend it. His mind rotates at what feels like a thousand miles an hour. He wants to scream but nothing comes out. He feels upset, angry, tired, sad, and scared all at the same time. Why can't he just go? Sunny begins to panic. He can't get up, the stranger keeps pulling him down. His body trembles even more now.
"Sunny, I... I-I'm so sorry. Please j-just talk to me."
Tears continue falling from Basil's eyes as he wears a pained empathetic look on his face. Sunny's vision unfocuses as the blonde wraps his arms around him. This was all too much. Sunny wished he could just die. He didn't deserve this. He didn't deserve Basil. He hated this.
The last time he was in this room, he had scribbled out their precious memories and ran away. He didn't want to remember any of it because he didn't deserve any of it. He'd lock away those memories for an eternity, along with himself if he could. Kel, Aubrey, Hero, Basil, and Mari. All those good people in his life shouldn't have been friends with someone like him. He never contributed anything to the group. They would be foolish to not see how self centered and useless he was. But then why? Why is Basil still here?
Basil saw what Sunny did that day. He had seen first hand with his own two eyes. He could've ran away, abandoned Sunny, called the police, called for somebody, yelled at him, helped Mari, but he didn't. The shy and kindhearted gardener helped Sunny drag her cold lifeless body outside and string her up on that tree. Why would Basil do that? How did Basil know how to tie a noose? Why did he make Sunny do that? Why was that the first thing he came up with? Why did he want to save him?
Questions ran rampant through Sunny's mind, ricocheting throughout his brain and bouncing off his skull. The same questions he had wondered for years. His head hurt. Who even was Basil? Did Sunny know him? It had been four years after all. Four years since Basil did...that. Four years was a long time, and he missed the gardener so much. Yet when he was face to face with him, he seemed like nothing more than a stranger. A person he had locked away and killed countless times just so a fictional version of his life could be perfect. But it would never be perfect without Basil. If things were to go back to the way they were, then all six of them would need to be together. All of them, alive and happy. But Sunny ruined it all. They could never go back.
But Basil wanted to go back, he had said so. He had hoped that "maybe one day... things can go back to the way they were before". And deep down, Sunny wanted to fulfill that wish. Sunny wanted that more than ever. To be able to make new memories, and to be able to move forward. But if he were to reach such a future, he would have to face everything he had been running away from. Though this had been obvious from the start, Sunny knew it was easier said than done. Because right now in this dimly lit horror filled room, he felt powerless. He clenched his teeth and inhaled deeply.
"Basil..."
Sunny muttered, no louder than a whisper. Basil was taken aback by the sudden utterance of his name. He paused for a moment before his eyes lit up and he frantically rushed to respond.
"Y-yes Sunny? What is it?"
He stared at Sunny, eagerly awaiting a response. The gardener had longed to hear the voice of his friend for years. Any chance he got to be with Sunny, to protect him, to help him, to comfort him and to confine him, he would take. Basil needed this, he wanted this. He begged for Sunny to lean on him, to tell him what was wrong, and to stay with him. All those lonely nights in his room had led up to this moment. The moment he could finally grasp onto Sunny and never let him go. He lowered his hands from Sunny's shoulders and gazed at him with piercing eyes, waiting for him to speak.
"..."
Silence. Sunny was as great a conversationalist as a rock was. He had managed to speak the name of his friend, but he had no idea what to say next. Perhaps he had just said Basil's name to reassert to himself that the person standing in front of him was in fact real. Either way, he now had to follow up with a response to avoid seeming like an idiot—which he was regardless. He paused to think. What did he even want to tell Basil? There was just too much.
"S-Sunny...?"
Sunny was shaken out of his thoughts. He failed to realize that his time spent pondering was time spent not answering his friend. And so, without thinking, he blurted out a response.
"I'm... sorry."
Basil looks at him in confusion before reaching back to hold Sunny's hands. He takes a deep breath.
"I-It's okay Sunny..."
Even if it wasn't okay, Basil would make himself believe it was. Sunny was here at Basil's fingertips. He could finally reach out to grab him and he wouldn't fade away like some distant memory. Sunny was real. Sunny was here. And Basil was going to keep it that way. His grip tightens once more. He knows it's wrong to keep holding onto Sunny after how freaked out he got, but he just couldn't let go. Those two words seemed to have set something off in Basil. Something he long desired, even if he knew he didn't deserve it. An apology. That's what it was. An apology for what? He did not know, but he didn’t need to think about that right now, because Sunny is here. That was all Basil wanted.
But right now, Sunny was losing himself. His eyes were glued to the ground and his hands were fading away. He wanted to cry but his mind wouldn't let him. His head hurt so much, it ached and it throbbed and he wished he could bash it against the wall. He hated being here with Basil. Basil was a physical reminder of what Sunny did. A person who represented the most horrible aspects of Sunny's life. Sometimes he wished he could just forget about Basil; lock him away just like Omori did. But he knows he can't. He knows he doesn't truly hate Basil, he just hates the idea of him. It was Sunny's own hands that ruined everything. Basil only did what he did because of Sunny. It was all Sunny's fault.
His mind begs to retreat back to that world where nothing could hurt him. A safe haven that comforted him even on the darkest of nights. He shuts his eyes tightly and holds his breath, hoping to return to the same pleasant dream he has every night.
"Uh... S-Sunny?"
But Sunny can't do that now. Not with Basil right in front of him. It would be selfish of him to run away again. All he ever did for four years was run, he had to deal with this now. He shifts his gaze up from the floor to look up at the stranger in front of him. Correction. Not stranger, this was Basil. The real living breathing Basil was in front of him. Okay, he can do this now. Just look him in the eye and tell him how sorry you are.
"I..."
Sunny can't do it. He can't bring himself to say anything. Why couldn't he just die? There was no way in hell he could ever build up the courage to tell his friends what he did, nor could he even attempt to reconcile with Basil. Sunny holds his head in his hands. If he could just manage to block everything out and run away again, maybe he could live. But he knows he doesn't deserve that. Sunny sits there silent and unmoving. Basil pulls his hands off of Sunny and clenches his fists. The two of them remain still and speechless for a matter of minutes. But Basil can’t stand it.
Four years. Four years he had to deal with thing after thing. First Mari died, then everyone left, then Sunny left, then Aubrey came back for a moment only to torment him after thinking he defaced the photo album. Then his grandma got sicker, then Polly came around and he had to act all happy and fine around her, then for some stupid reason Sunny came back only to say he’s moving away, then his grandma died, and nobody cared about him throughout any of this. And of course the one time they choose to care and come back is when he chooses to end his life. What a joke. Every good thing comes with a catch. Every good thing is stripped away from him before he can even reach it. It’s like he’s trapped in a never ending hell. He can’t ever escape. He isn’t even allowed to die! What even is this thing called life?
It’s pointless.
"I hate you Sunny..."
Basil mumbles. It was barely audible but Sunny had heard it all the same. Did Basil just say that?
"Wh-"
Before Sunny could respond, he felt two hands wrap around him, pulling him into a tight hug. Basil was mumbling incoherently into Sunny's chest. He didn’t care anymore. Even if nothing mattered in the end, Sunny still mattered to him now. He clung onto Sunny tightly, not letting go. Although he didn't show it, Basil was angry. He was so frustrated and exhausted that he could collapse at any moment. He held onto Sunny not only for fear of him leaving, but also for fear of himself. Basil worried that if his hands reached those garden shears again, he would do something really bad. So he shackled his arms around his friend to restrain himself. How pathetic.
Basil began to cry. He always cried when he was angry and he hated it. It made him seem less threatening—like he wasn't actually angry—and so people wouldn't take him seriously, they'd just dismiss him. So he never got angry. He'd hide it in front of everyone, especially his friends. He felt that he didn't deserve to feel upset while having such great friends. He feared they'd see him as bothersome and leave just like everyone else. Throughout his life, Basil always understood that he could never be normal. The people in Faraway weren't too accepting of Basil's appearance nor how nervous and stuttery he was. Sure, they didn't say anything out loud but the weird looks he got at the supermarket were enough to convince Basil that he wasn’t normal.
So when he finally found a group of people who genuinely accepted who he was and cared for him as a person, there was no way he was going to mess it up. They didn't look at him the way people around town did, and they didn't move away from him when he got near. Instead, they treated him as an equal, as somebody worthy of being in their company. Especially Sunny.
Sunny always understood Basil. From the moment they met, they fit together like two puzzle pieces. Sunny knew Basil's hopes, dreams, likes, dislikes, feelings and aspirations. For once in his life, there was somebody who cared for and listened to him, somebody who he could lean on for support. He felt that he owed so much to Sunny. Even on that day when Sunny pushed her, Basil couldn't help but see how scared and broken he was. Basil completely disregarded Mari or any of their friends, all that mattered in that moment was protecting Sunny.
Sunny didn't deserve to be hated, it was Basil who should take the blame. Sunny was a good person, he just made a mistake and didn't know what to do, so Basil had to 'fix' it. If anyone found out what Sunny did, he'd be all alone and scared, and Basil couldn't let that happen. Yet as per usual he messed it up, and now this pathetic excuse of a human was clinging onto the one thing he failed to save. The voice in the back of his head grows louder, criticizing every word he utters.
"I'm sorry Sunny, I-I didn't mean to say that. I'm so sorry I really don't hate you, please believe me..."
You don't deserve his forgiveness.
"I just can't do this anymore, I can't be alone anymore!"
You don't deserve him at all.
"I'll be here for you, I'll protect you, I'll do anything you want just-"
You're disgusting.
"...please don't leave me."
Basil held his head down in shame and despair. He couldn't bear to look back up at Sunny. That boy's expression would peer into his soul and rip it apart the moment they locked eyes. He wouldn't let that happen, not yet. He just needs to stay in this moment a little longer. He just needs to believe that Sunny still has some sense of adoration towards him. He doesn't care if it's fake, he doesn't need it to be real. As long as he can believe it for this one moment, he'll be able to finally die knowing that nobody will even care. He just wants to have this one good thing before he’s gone. All the selfish and horrible things that he did will never go away, but at least he can put an end to them. So in what Basil believes to be the last moments of his life, he imagines that Sunny sits next to him and stares at him lovingly, still his best friend, and still the same person.
But then Sunny speaks and Basil is pulled out of his reverie.
"I'm... sorry, Basil."
Basil looks up at Sunny and is met with a tired and remorseful expression. Why is he apologizing again? Basil is sick of hearing it. He knows that Sunny doesn’t really mean it. He’s just going to apologize, then leave and forget Basil forever. Every stupid apology was a reminder of that. If he was really sorry, then maybe he would’ve shown up when Basil actually needed him. Either way, Basil doesn’t deserve those apologies. He’s being selfish again.
"I-I know that I didn't keep that promise from before, but I was just scared."
Sunny admits. He inhales shakily and tries to compose himself.
"It's not your fault."
The dreamer leans in to hug the other boy who doesn’t react. The embrace is brief and distant but still familiar to both. Sunny pats Basil's back before pulling away and locking eyes with him. He stares into the irises of the gardener, trying to peer into his soul. Without regard for the reaction of his friend, Sunny sits and gazes into Basil's eyes, as if planting himself inside an azure galaxy.
He could see an indescribable sorrow swimming within a vast ocean of life. There was beauty and wonder inside the eyes of the gardener, but that had been tainted by despair and suffering. Sunny wondered if part of that was his doing. It must have been. How shameful.
But even when they were kids, that same sense of sorrow had swam in his eyes. Perhaps it wasn't as great as it was now but it had indeed existed. Why did this anguish have to plague the life of his friend? Why was Sunny so useless? He looked away from Basil, who sat there unresponsive with an apathetic expression.
A pain was growing inside of Sunny's chest. It hurt and burned like a fire that couldn't be put out. For some reason, he doesn't know how to feel anymore. He doesn't know what to do. Such feelings shouldn't matter to him anymore, he had tossed them aside. But it was almost like he was obligated to feel these things, either for the sake of his friend or as a punishment for his sins. Regardless, he feels his mind retreating back to that emptiness once again. He can't take anymore of this, but he can't keep running away from the things that scare him. If he wants to show Basil that he truly is sorry, then he'd better stick by his side while he can. So Sunny thinks of what to do, but his brain can’t think of anything right now. Ah, how useless. Oh well.
Sunny looks back up at his friend and reaches his hand out, hoping that he will grab hold of it. Basil looks at Sunny dumbfounded but then realizes what his intentions are. He hesitantly holds Sunny's hand, unsure of what Sunny wants.
The two sit there for a minute or so. The moonlight shining through the window served to contrast the melancholic dullness of Basil's room. It was like a spotlight that shined for the pair making them feel like the only two people in the world. A dreadful loneliness had attached itself to both of them ever since the incident, growing increasingly more burdensome. Now, it has reached its peak. Being together again meant that both Sunny and Basil could now recognize how detrimental a lack of meaningful human connection was. Every little bit of physical contact reminded them of how much they had missed each other.
Basil speaks up after a moment of silence.
"S-Sunny...?"
The gardener's gaze shifts down to their intertwined hands.
"Yeah?"
Sunny responds.
"Do you- um... are we still friends?"
Basil asks awkwardly. It's a bit of a stupid question but Basil doesn't care anymore. Sunny will be going away soon and so will Basil. There will be nothing left to ask once that time has come, so he'd better get everything out now.
"..."
Sunny thinks to himself for a moment. Friends? Could they still be considered friends now? Perhaps they were. Sunny had spent so long in the cycle of burying away the memory of Basil and digging it back up again that he didn't even know how to feel towards the real person. He remembers what Basil was like before. Basil was considerate, funny, passionate, and kind. Of course he had his flaws but at that time it didn't really matter to Sunny. The two were good friends and stuck by each other's side. Everything was simple and fun.
Sunny remembers a time when they went to the beach. Everyone was having fun and enjoying the warm weather. Kel and Aubrey were running around chasing each other over something trivial, Hero and Mari were walking by the water trying to find crabs and other things, and Sunny and Basil were playing in the sand. Everything was wonderful then.
Sunny had to persist.
All those memories. All those feelings. Even if they could never be recreated again, it doesn't mean he has to give up on everything. Even if Basil isn't the same as he was before or even if he hasn't changed one bit, they still had fun together didn't they? Maybe they could still have fun together with everyone again.
"I hope so."
Sunny replies.
Basil gives a soft smile and nods. Even if it would be nice, he knows he doesn't deserve Sunny's friendship again.
"I'm sorry Sunny."
It doesn't matter how many times he apologizes, nothing can be fixed. Even so, he'll do it anyway.
"For what?"
Sunny inquires. He doesn't really have to ask though. Regardless of what his friend is apologizing for, he'll forgive him anyways.
"For being such a bad friend."
Basil shifts his gaze back and forth between Sunny's eyes and the interior of the room. Eye contact is hard. Speaking of which, Basil's eyes looked as if they were decomposing. He had dark circles under his eyes that made it look like he hadn't slept in days. He looked horribly exhausted.
"You're not."
Sunny refutes. He can see the state that Basil is in and he can't stand it any longer. When he first saw Basil again at the park, he could already tell that Basil wasn't well. But the pained expression he wore now, it was a hundred times worse. His friend had been wounded so badly, both by Sunny and by the world itself. It was as if the universe kept throwing punches at Basil that he couldn't even try to deflect. The pain in Sunny's chest began to burn again.
Basil shakes his head at Sunny's claim. Sunny's just being nice. Basil knows he's horrible and nothing anyone says will change that. But still, it's nice to hear that from Sunny.
"I-it's alright Sunny... you don't have to say that. You can be honest. It's easier that way."
Basil sighs and forces a smile.
"What's easier?"
Sunny asks. Maybe Basil didn't really mean anything by that, but Sunny couldn't help but inquire.
"Nothing. I-It's okay Sunny, how about we just um go to sleep?"
Sunny glances over at a clock on Basil's nightstand. It's almost 2am. It probably would be best for them to sleep. But was it okay for Sunny to fall asleep? What if Basil hurt himself? What should he do? He was tired too.
"Basil."
Sunny reaches out to grab Basil's hand.
"Um yeah?"
Sunny looks down at their hands.
"Are you gonna miss me? Like, when I move."
Basil looks directly at Sunny now.
"Oh um... yeah I will but d-don't worry! I'll be fine."
Sunny furrows his brows. That didn't seem too genuine. Basil just likes to say he’s fine so that people leave him alone. But Sunny wasn't going to leave him alone, not anymore. He leans in closer to Basil and then hugs him.
"You're my best friend Basil. I'm sorry."
Basil feels himself about to tear up. He holds it in.
"No... I can't be."
Sunny hugs him tighter.
"You are."
Suddenly, Sunny gets really lightheaded. His grip on Basil falters and he falls forward a bit.
"S-Sunny are you okay?"
Basil puts his hands on Sunny's shoulders.
"Uh... yeah. Maybe we should just go to sleep."
Basil nods and helps Sunny up. They walk over to Basil's bed and sit down.
Sunny recollects how he hadn't eaten anything in a while. Normally he doesn't get this lightheaded though. Maybe he should go drink water or something.
"Ok, g-get in Sunny..."
Basil lifts up the covers and gestures for Sunny to scooch under. Sunny gets in first and then Basil gets in after. Basil's twin sized bed wasn't made to fit two people, but given how scrawny both of them were, it was more than sufficient. They had managed to fit both of them in it when they were kids after all.
The pair lie next to each other. Sunny stares up at the ceiling and Basil rests on his side facing towards Sunny. The moonlight still shines through the window, glistening on the carpet. Sunny shivers. It's cold tonight. It was nearing the end of summer and the days were warm but the nights were chilly. He wonders if Basil is cold too. Perhaps he could scoot a little closer. Basil likely wouldn't mind.
Sunny shifts his gaze from the ceiling to his friend. He sees Basil staring right at him with a tear stained face.
"Basil? What's wrong?"
Sunny asks, concerned. Basil doesn't answer and looks away now that his friend is staring at him.
"Basil?"
Sunny reaches out and puts his hand on Basil's shoulder. The blonde doesn't react. Sunny doesn't do anything further, he simply watches and waits.
"I'm tired Sunny."
Basil utters after a few minutes.
"You having trouble sleeping?"
Sunny questions.
"I'm tired of everything, Sunny."
Basil clarifies.
"I just don't know what to do anymore."
Sunny remains silent and listens.
"Everything is too confusing. My head hurts, my heart aches, I’m so tired everyday. I can't eat, I can't sleep, I can't think, I can't... I can't do this anymore."
Sunny's expression grows more worrisome as Basil speaks.
"You won't even be here tomorrow. But it's not like you were here in the first place. Nobody was."
Basil takes a deep breath. He turns over and faces away from Sunny, looking towards the window. It's a full moon tonight. Basil thinks about how he'll miss that luminous sphere.
"It hurts Sunny. It hurts so bad! Haha... it hurts so much... It always hurts. It never stops it never stops it never does!"
Basil glances across the room at the garden sheers on the floor. Ah, that was what he was planning to do in the first place wasn't it? But then Sunny came.
"Why did you have to come now? WHY SUNNY!?"
Basil hugs his knees to his chest and closes his eyes.
Sunny wants to run away again, but he told himself he wouldn't. He needed to face this but again, he didn't know what to say.
"I'm sorry..."
Sunny whispers.
Basil stays still.
"Sunny it hurts."
Sunny looks at Basil remorsefully. Whatever words he could say in this moment wouldn't come out. Sunny wasn't a person of many words. He spoke when he could and when he had words to say. That didn't mean he was cold or callous though, he just preferred simple actions. He felt they were more impactful as well. But in this moment, he would try to speak up. He would try for Basil.
"I know...and I'm sorry."
Sunny tries to think of what else to say, but nothing comes out. There's probably someone out there that would know the right words to say, but that someone wasn't Sunny. Perhaps Mari was that person, but it didn't matter anymore. Mari was gone, and Sunny had to accept that.
Mari is gone and it is Sunny's fault.
Mari is gone and Basil is broken.
She's gone and Hero and Aubrey and Kel won't ever know why.
Unless the two find the courage to persist.
Sunny reaches out to put his hand on Basil's back, but Basil shakes him off.
"You always believed in me Basil. A-and I really appreciate that. So now... I just want you to know that um... I believe in you."
Sunny takes a breath.
"I won't leave you. I’ll find a way to stay. But for now... let's just rest. Just for now, y-you can pretend like nothing else exists. But we're still real, okay?"
Sunny says awkwardly. He's not sure if that made sense but he hopes Basil got the message.
Basil sighs deeply. He doesn't turn around.
"Basi-...ACKGH"
Sunny chokes on his own spit. What an idiot.
"Sunny?"
Basil turns around and slaps Sunny's back a few times.
"Sunny are you alright...?"
Sunny coughs and then clears his throat.
"Uh yeah... thanks."
The two now awkwardly stare at each other.
"...Let's just sleep then."
Basil states.
"Yeah."
Sunny agrees.
The pair shift around a bit and get comfortable under the covers. Sunny lies on his side facing towards Basil, whereas the latter faces away from his friend.
Sunny closes his eyes and tries his best to fall asleep. He hopes that whatever dreams he may have don't pull him into the depths of despairing darkness.
Sunny shivers again. He's still cold. He wonders if Basil is cold too.
"Basil...are you cold?"
Sunny asks, barely audible.
"Kinda."
Basil responds.
Sunny remains still for a moment before reaching out to find Basil's hand. Basil sighs and grabs Sunny's hand. Both of their hands are cold, but there exists a tinge of comfort to be found in this simple gesture.
"Sunny?"
Basil mutters.
"Hm?"
Sunny sounds.
"How do you um... how do you actually f-feel about me...? Do you hate me?"
Basil asks.
"I don't know. I don't know what to feel anymore. But I know that I don’t hate you. And I know that I'm here with you… because you're my friend."
Sunny looks at Basil with a slight smile.
Basil can't help but slightly smile back too. He scoots a bit closer to Sunny.
"Goodnight Sunny. For real t-this time..."
Sunny nods and closes his eyes. For real this time.
"Goodnight Basil."
The pair remain next to each other and share whatever warmth they may have. Simply being next to each other was enough to feel a sense of belonging. Who knows whether they were actually asleep or not, but either way, both were contentedly resting in this moment.
Neither had felt human contact like this in a long time. The only warmth that Sunny had felt during those years stuck in his house was that of his own vitality flowing down his wrist. He wonders if Basil had felt that too. They were so similar yet so different. Two separate beings that shared the same weight of guilt.
Their sins, regrets, mistakes, and failures would all blend together in this moment. Within the shared comfort of the bed, they also share the weight of the burdens they carried for so long. Perhaps they had accepted that fate had bound them together, and that every flaw and virtue they had would be known to the other. There was no hiding anything from each other. If there is joy then it shall be shared. If there is sorrow then it too shall be shared. There is no point in concealing oneself from a being that can peer into one's soul.
As the pair lay next to each other, they both feel as if something was tightened around their hearts. Something that connected them. Something that made them a part of each other. It was as if their hearts were synchronized, beating rhythmically, and conveying out a message that could be interpreted as something like:
I Love You.