Chapter Text
Robby wondered if the universe, or G-d, was punishing him, because ever since he’d let Jack do kinky shit to him…
Well.
The influx of kink-related injuries skyrocketed.
And it was really fucking unfair that it was all happening during his shifts and not Jack’s.
It was four o’clock on a Saturday, and Robby only had three more hours until the end of his shift. And then he had tomorrow off, and Jack had tonight off, and they had… plans. Very fun plans that Robby did not want ruined. It had been a long fucking week and Robby wanted to be knotted on Jack’s cock something bad. Sort of wished he was an omega, so he’d be ready for Jack the moment he got home.
… Okay. So. Maybe he did have an omegaverse kink, and didn’t just like Jack being excited for it. Sue him. He was too old to deny himself happiness anymore. Also, it just felt really fucking good, and he was kind of trying to make up for lost time.
And then Dana was looking at him like that, and he knew his entire day was about to be ruined.
“Why are you looking at me like that?” he grumbled.
“Because I have a patient in Central 8 who has an egg stuck in her vagina.”
Robby scoffed. “I’m not giving Myrna’s vagina another look. Once was enough,” he said, returning to his charting.
“It’s not Myrna,” Dana said gleefully. “And you missed the egg part.”
Robby rolled his eyes. “They make eggs for sexual pleasure, Dana. Silicone and glass. That’s not that weird.”
“Robby. It’s a fucking chicken egg.”
That made Robby pause. He looked up at her over his glasses. “Like, an actual chicken egg that came from an actual, real life chicken.”
“Yup.”
“… Why?”
"I don't know, Robby. I didn't fucking ask."
"Why do you know about silicone and glass eggs?" asked Santos, sliding up to them at the Hub.
"Oviposition."
"Ovi-what?" Dana was staring at him with wide eyes, like she was surprised. Santos, too, looked shocked. Almost mortified. Robby didn’t really know why, though.
Robby frowned. Why was it surprising that he knew things? Granted, it was only recently that he learned about it, but still! He could know things! "Oviposition. It's an egg laying kink. Usually related to an alien kink."
They were still staring at him.
"What! I know things!"
“Why do you know that?”
Robby bit the inside of his lip, face warming. “I just do! People get shit stuck in them all the time.”
“Objects. Not eggs,” Dana pointed out unnecessarily.
Huffing, Robby snatched up the tablet and walked away before he could dig himself into a deeper hole, snagging Princess along the way. This was something she would enjoy, and he needed someone in the room with him, anyway, for the exam and extraction. He knocked gently on the door, peeking his head in and slowly ambling in. Princess shut the curtain to block the door behind them.
“Good afternoon, Ms. Davis. My name is Dr. Robinavitch, but you can call me Dr. Robby. This is Princess. Do you mind telling me what brought you in today?” he asked carefully, putting on his most gentle and understanding smile. He knew, of course, but it was always a good idea to double check.
The young woman, just barely in her twenties, on the bed groaned, curling forward into her knees. “Of fucking course I get a hot daddy-type doctor,” she moaned into her hands.
What the shit.
“I can… get someone else…”
“Unfortunately, all the doctors are hot,” said Princess a little too cheerfully. “This one’s gay, though. And has a partner. So he’s not going to be weird about it or anything,” she added conspiratorially, despite Robby’s feigned indignation. He knew exactly why Princess was exposing him like this, and he was totally fine with her doing it. She did it often enough and he was okay with it, as long as it helped the patient relax so they could get the help they needed.
Ms. David still looked a little uncertain. “No judging?”
Robby raised his hands. “No judgements from me. I just want to help.”
She stared at him. “I have a chicken egg stuck in my vagina.”
Robby did his best not to appear amused. “And that’s okay. You didn’t have a partner to help you get it out?”
She shrugged, cheeks turning pink as she refused to look away. “No. I’m ace.”
Ah. He nodded knowingly. That had been part of his research, when he’d looked up the kinky stuff Jack had wanted to try. He’d gone down a little rabbit hole, absolutely fascinated that some asexual people regularly enjoyed and sought out kinky sex. “Aego? Or some other flavor?” he asked, hooking his foot around the rolling stool so he could sit, make her comfortable.
Her eyes lit up. “How do you know what that means?”
Princess, too, was watching from the corner of her eye. He shrugged, tapping nonchalantly at the tablet. “I’ve been doing a lot of research lately,” he said carefully, not looking back at Princess. She was a terrible gossip. And wicked smart, too. She would connect the dots if he wasn’t careful. She was already likely remembering when he’d come in still recovering from the first night he let Jack try his kinks on him. Jack liked to refresh the bite on his neck whenever he could, so Robby regularly walked into a shift with a fresh mark that sent Princess and Perlah tittering away. “We get a number of patients with objects stuck inside them, and I wanted to be able to help them better. Saw a few articles about asexuality. I didn’t realize there were so many types. I think it’s kind of cool.”
Ms. Davis bit at her bottom lip, then sighed. “Yeah, okay. I’m okay with you being my doctor. Can you get it out?”
“I’ll need to do a pelvic exam, first. Are you okay with that?” he asked gently.
“Yeah, if I have to.”
“Great.” Princess had already gathered the supplies needed and brought it over with a light. Robby got to work setting up the stirrups. “Have you had a pelvic exam before?”
“Yeah.”
“That’s good. So it’ll be similar to that, but I won’t be doing a pap smear, of course.” He pulled on his gloves and picked up the speculum, holding it in his hand to warm it up. “I’m going to take a quick look and see what I find, and then we’ll come up with a game plan.”
Princess broke out into giggles behind him. “Game plan? This isn’t a sport.”
“What else would you call it?” Robby asked, confused.
“Not—Not that.”
“A method of attack?”
“That’s somehow worse.”
Robby rolled his eyes, laughing a little. “Okay, Ms. Davis. Scoot on down and place your feet in the stirrups, please.”
“You can call me Jenny, it’s fine. Sounds so formal when you call me Ms. Davis,” she grumbled good naturedly, scooting down, blanket still on her lap. Nervously, she put her heels in the stirrups and wiggled a little, getting comfortable.
Robby was careful, making sure she was comfortable as he did the exam. Made sure the speculum was adequately lubed, warned her before he did anything, narrating his entire process. Luckily, the egg hadn’t seemed to break. Unluckily, he didn’t think he could reach his fingers or an instrument in to pull it out, either.
“Well,” he said, not quite pulling out the speculum just yet. “Great news: You shouldn’t need surgery.”
“Okay. That’s good.”
“Bad news: I’m going to have to manually push it out by putting my fingers in your rectum.”
Jenny banged her head on the bed. “Fuck.”
“Yeah. Are you okay with me applying some lube to help ease it out?”
“Man, I tried that,” she complained. “But I didn’t want it to break.”
Yeah, he didn’t want it to break, either. “Well, hopefully the lube and the speculum making the vagina wider will prevent that from happening.” He squeezed out some lube onto a long cotton swab and carefully coated her vagina, adding a bit to the egg he could reach to try to smooth the way a bit more. Once done, he grimaced, slicking up his finger. He hoped this would be enough. He wanted to speak, wanted to try to distract her from his finger wiggling around trying to find the egg to externally push it out. But he didn’t know what to say that wouldn’t be mortifying for all parties involved.
Thankfully, the egg came out with a little bit of coaxing and he placed it into a metal bowl after carefully inspecting it. It didn’t look like it had broken, thankfully. He gave the bowl to Princess who looked like she was trying not to laugh or say something.
“You know,” he said conversationally, feeling the words tumble out like Jack had suddenly possessed him as he discarded his gloves and rolled back. She sat back up with a wince, pulling her feet closer to her so she could hug her legs. “They make body safe stuff for this. There’s entire online stores dedicated to oviposition! Several of them. You can also make your own with gelatin and an Easter egg jello mold, and if you get them stuck they’ll just melt out. Messy as all hell, and a bitch to clean up, but—”
Princess, off to the side and sounding way too gleeful with a dash of wonder, asked, “Why do you know this?”
Robby picked up the tablet to put in notes, trying not to flush. “There was—there was a paper—"
“There absolutely was not!”
“I told you! I’ve been doing research,” he tried to defend himself. “Anyway. The good ones are sort of pricey, like, thirty, forty bucks? Much cheaper than an ER visit, though. Silicone or glass in the vagina only. Anal use is asking for surgery, so gelatin only, there.”
“Please, for the love of G-d, stop talking.”
“Right.” Robby cleared his throat. “Anyway. Please be more careful. Do some research. Go ahead and get dressed and I’ll have your discharge paperwork shortly.”
He made his getaway, Princess hot on his heels. Just outside the door she stopped him, giddy as she asked, “Do you have experience? That why you know so much?” She looked a little too knowing.
Face hot, he pointed a finger in her face, doing his best to appear stern. Unfortunately, she didn’t look very threatened. “Not. A. Word.” He knew he couldn’t dissuade her from her conclusion, but he hoped to at least minimize the gossip she would start. Especially since he hadn’t exactly talked with Jack, first, about other people knowing what they got up to in the bedroom. The visible bitemarks had been an accident, sort of. So had letting Dana, Princess, and Perlah know that if he was in a great fucking mood it was because Jack’s magical dick had made him that way.
She gave him a mocking, yeah, okay, and flounced off.
Fuck. He rubbed tiredly at his face. Oh well. There were worse secrets than being into an egg laying kink.