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Low winds coursed through blades of grass below the visitors’ feet. Three guests idled upon turf in which an enormous arena had been erected many years ago, the magnificent building just within their line of sight.
Standing before them was a man decked out head to toe in an ironclad suit of armor. Netherite alloy with kyanite trims, emanating a slight bluish-purple glow from its numerous enchants. A crown of diamonds was fixed upon his helm. His eyes glowed a vibrant teal, like moonlit spring water in a luscious cavern.
Rumor had it that the miniature skulls on his shoulder pads were made of real bone.
The three had not come for a fight. Staring into the teal glow ahead, the party’s mage set his paws on the table.
“So all we gotta do is sign this shit, right?”
The armored one snorted. “Yeah, pretty much.”
“All three of us?”
“That’s right.”
The rabbit pulled a pen out of his inventory.
Jack Rabbit
Followed by the ferret.
Sauce Dude
Followed then by the pulsing mass of kidney beans, whose juices roughly formed the shape of a human being.
Radish Soup
Sauce tugged on the ends of his Hawaiian shirt. “Alright, so, uh, do we own the arena now?”
“Mmhmm,” nodded the vendor.
The three began to celebrate, exchanging a triple high five. Moments later, Radish Soup turned to the armored figure and slid his way.
The vendor raised an eyebrow, though it wasn’t visible behind his helmet. “What’s up? You got any questions?”
“Yeah, actually, I do have one quick thing I’d like to ask.”
“Ask away, dude.”
“How come you’re selling this? I’ve been a fan of your Challenge Games stuff for years, and, uh… I guess I just expected it to have more sentimental value?”
Pat tapped rhythmically on his armor. Its trims made a plinky tone, much like calcite. A small sigh made its way out of his mouth.
“I don’t really have a reason to keep it, all these years later. Jen’s doing her own thing, and I’ve come to start doing my own thing as well, and the Challenge Games aren’t like, a- uh, an active part in my life anymore. That, and the insurance rates have just been huge lately, I’ve been trying to budget better, you know the stuff.”
“I get it,” Soup chuckled. “I get it, man.”
“What about you guys? How come you’re buying?”
“We’re looking to carry the torch.”
“Good luck with that,” he snorted.
Sauce Dude walked up to Pat, arms crossed.
“You said your wife left you, right?”
“Yeah…? What— why do you ask?”
“Have you ever considered trying men?”
Jack’s eyes widened. “HELL NAHHH 😭 SAUCE YOU’RE FUCKING TWEAKING MAN 💀💀💀 what in the cinnamon toast fuck are you trying to accomplish ⁉️”
Pat blinked. “I, uh- I respectfully decline. You guys have fun, I’m out of here.”
As the armored vendor ventured off, Jack paced ever so slightly closer to his furry friend. His countenance was filled with sheer and utter disgust.
The ferret snorted to himself. “Worth a shot.”
“That shit was so out of pocket, you are fucking deranged. His dumbass does not want you.”
“Worth a shot.”
Radish perked up. “What is it about him that would make you— that, like, activates your bisexuality or whatever the fuck happens, idk I’m straight I think. Like, why do you want him.”
“Clout,” Sauce proclaimed.
Jack nodded. “You’re on that grind, I respect that.”
“I’d grind him.”
“I’d grind him for clout too and I’m not even into men,” snorted Jack.
“You two are deranged,” Radish interjected. “You could not waterboard that information out of me.”
“If we waterboarded you, you would probably dissolve into bean juice and fully reform within two minutes to twelve hours, I don’t think that would have much effect on your being.” Sauce’s tail swayed side to side.
“Yeah but it’d feel weird.”
“Truth.”
“You ever wear wet socks before? It’s like that.”
“What kind of dumbass puts on wet socks?” Jack scoffed.
Nobody answered that question.
And with that, the three were off to block on their luckies until they got challenged game.