Chapter Text
“So how have you actually been?” Your friend asks after the waitress gives you your order.
“Actually been?” you blink.
“Oh come off it. You’re about to start your final year and you expect me to believe you just have no nerves whatsoever.” She laughs.
“Well not about that, anyway. What’s there to be nervous about a thesis and two classes and a prac.” You list out, taking a sip of your coffee. Not quite fully purposeful about the fact you look over her shoulder at the nice plants the café has rather than her.
“The fact you have to do it all at once?”
“And not die? Yeah. You know. I did think about that just a bit.”
She snorts, and you let yourself laugh along with her even though you’re well aware it’s a direct deflection on your own nerves.
“Okay. Okay, so there’s that. But you really don’t have anything else going on?”
“Work is slow enough all day every day that my boss has finally said I can study on shift when there’s no one there, so that’s nice. Love life is just as dead as ever. And… Um. And I don’t know. It’s silly. Probably just because it’s something I’m grappling with so much.”
“Mmm?” She asks, taking a sip of her own drink and still indicating her interest, a brow raising.
“I’ve been thinking about switching which gym I go to.”
“What will you come up with next.” She teases, and it makes you huff your breath- some amusement and some kind of self consciousness swirling.
“Don’t make fun, I’m all settled in to my other one.”
“Then what’s the problem?”
“There’s this gym that’s got this boxing class I’m really interested in.”
“Why not go for it? It’s not like you wouldn’t use the membership.”
You have to give her that, at least, and you do some combination of a shrug and a nod to let her know you have.
“It’s just that. I don’t know. I can guarantee that the gym I’m currently at is just a bunch of lovely old people? And you know what was happening at the one I went to before that.”
She makes a scrunched face and nods and you laugh even as you know that she’s seeing your point. Maybe a little bit of it is being uncomfortable with it, but you don’t want to look at that.
“What if it’s more like that then the one I’m at? I just. It freaks me out. And then I’d also have to change my routine a lot, not even accounting for the actual class.”
She fixes you with a different look altogether and you know that means that you don’t get to use that last part.
You manage a sheepish smile to her even as your stomach clenches a bit.
“Which is cheaper?” She asks anyway, letting you have it but not quite letting you off the hook for it, you don’t think.
“I think the one with the classes- but you do have to pay for those separately, and it’s pretty close otherwise anyway. It’s a much of a muchness. Well. Apart from the fact the newer one doesn’t seem to have any lock in contracts which is like. Awesome for a gym.”
“Sounds like it has a lot of perks. Almost like you should… Think about joining.” She quirks a brow and makes a slightly funny face to make you feel better about it and it almost works.
“It’s so much closer to the uni than the other one, I’m really. Like. Maive. Come on. Like you can’t blame me.” You try to get her to – well, to get it. Though you don’t even know if you do, really. Just the general hesitation of any life change- although coupled with an anxiety that wouldn’t have been there two years ago.
“Don’t you go to a physio really close to your uni though?”
“Well. Yeah. I- Okay yes. Okay that’s another good point. I’m not really liking the amount of good points here, you can lay off whenever you want.”
“It’s not my fault if it adds up.” She laughs again.
“I can’t hear you over my grumbling and my mumbling and my social fears.” You snort, shaking your head and half hiding your face behind the mug as you take another sip and hope that somehow you’ll find a way to change topics.
“I’m just saying it doesn’t hurt to go and ask, you know.”
“It would hurt. It would hurt very much. Ouch. Owie.”
“Would it hurt as much if someone was there with you?”
“Now you’re just trying to torture me.”
“Odd way to say help.” She raises an eyebrow suspiciously.
“Can’t we just have a fun brunch?”
“I have tons of fun help-torturing you! But yeah it can definitely wait until after we’re actually done.”
You know her well enough that you aren’t getting out of this without at least a conversation with someone at a front desk, whether you end up taking it or not, and though you try not to let it get to you, you have to admit that you’re more restless than normal as you keep hanging out. Which then manages to make you feel a bit bad that it does at all.
You actually think that you mostly get away with it, cutting most of the spiral off as the conversation goes on and turns to other things. You get your food, you talk about her work and love life a bit while trying not to mourn your lack of one- you have fun.
“Okay! Take me to this mysterious gym.” She says as you get back into the car.
You groan exaggeratedly to make her laugh and it works- you still pull out and head over, knowing there’s nothing else for it- especially when it’s so close by to where you are. Even if you are genuinely hesitant.
“I really am nervous. Like. I’m being very funny about it but.”
“But you’re funny about a lot of things. I know. Don’t worry- you’re allowed to be nervous about it, man. Most people are.”
“Yeah. Something something blah blah should still be able to get it done. I know.” you say- not quite letting how upset you are at that come out.
“Well. In much nicer terms, I’m not an asshole.” She laughs.
You give an affirmative response, though your nerves are bundling up more than they really should as you pull into the carpark.
“Why don’t you just. Come watch me do rock climbing or something.” You try.
“Fat chance! Maybe after I help you prove that you won’t explode by changing up your routine. Come on. It’s a Saturday. Do we actually need to go over best worst most likely? It’s a nothing chat for them.”
You know she’s right. But admittedly it is always fun to do.
“Ummm. Best case is everyone drops what they’re doing and starts clapping. Whoever is manning the front desk says how they’ve been waiting for me and they can’t believe I’m finally here and won’t I take my rightful place on the throne of the gym. The love of my life will coincidentally work there and say ‘oh, my darling, I’ve been waiting all this time! My liege!’ and they’ll pick me up and kiss me. Confetti will rain from the sky. Also I won’t feel awkward or uncomfortable about any of that at all, as I am finally in my rightful place.”
“Uh-huh.” She giggles.
“Worst case is I’ve already been legally banned for five years for something I can’t remember that I did. I walk in and everyone drops their stuff to drop kick me out of the gym, and they’re all mad as hell and pointing at the sign that they got made special which is just my face with a cross over it, hurling insults while they do it. They’ll all be horrifically accurate to things I’m genuinely self-conscious about.”
“And most likely?”
“…It’s a Saturday, and it’s busy, and they have conversations like this all the time. We’ll go in, ask a few questions on their policy to try and see if I am going to be freaked out about going, probably take a tour, and I’ll say I’m going to think about it. It’s all going to be pleasant enough if a bit awkward but they’ll forget about me in like… An hour.”
“That’s the one! And what else?”
“No negative future predicting?”
“Oh, yes. Always. You taught me that. But I meant more the fact that you’re going to go rock climbing after and work out any more of the flight fight stress you’ve got going on by getting all monkey style.”
“Yeah, and then feel the wrath of my physio for the fact I keep doing it. Ah, but monkey-style, my love.” You sigh, grabbing your seatbelt.
“Well hopefully the boxing can replace that then. What’s been going wrong with it?” She asks as she follows your moves to get out of the car.
“It’s not so bad if I climb all the way back down as well as up. Just sometimes landing just that tiny bit wrong… It wouldn’t be so bad if I rolled.” You explain, shutting the door and locking the car.
“You gotta get in on that rolling life.” She says, making an odd motion with her hands that you think is her attempt to portray what a rolling life actually is.
“It feels silly when no one else does it.” You know you’re half whining on that one but it’s true.
“Does no one else do it or are you just not noticing when they do.”
“No no I’m serious no one else does it.”
“Then they are foolish.” She fake seethes, leaning into you and hissing through her teeth as you walk into the air con and that particularly well-cleaned gym smell.
Your chest is pretty tight but it’s doable. It’s the regular amount of nerves. And you’re sure that they’ll fade.
There’s that moment where you don’t know what to do, exactly, as you approach the desk, but no one else seems to be and the man behind it seems to recognize you haven’t been there before.
“Ladies. What can I do for you this morning?” He asks easily- his voice low and warm, an English accent.
He’s not really what you’d generally expect for a gym receptionist. Tall – ridiculously tall, maybe 6 7’- and wide. Still very strong and fit, though middle age is catching up to him in a few places. A kind face with even kinder eyes, his beard’s a bit scruffy but in a charming way.
“Um. Hi. Sorry, I was just. I already have a gym, but I’m quite interested in a few of the classes that you guys have, but I’m not really particularly sold on transferring straight over.”
“No problem at all. That’s very reasonable, young lady. Name’s Vander. I own the place. Would you like a tour?” He says easily.
“I’m more, uh. I’ve actually. Had a bad experience or two in the past, so I’m more worried about your tolerance policies?” you try to ignore the way your voice modulates in your throat. Maive smiles at you easily and that helps a little.
“Sorry to hear that. That’s no fair at all. The gym environment I try and cultivate is everyone looking out for each other. You feel harassed and you can come to me and I’ll sort it out. Zero tolerance. I’ve no problem throwing out garbage, I do it once a week every week at home anyway.” He says- warm and kind but stern enough that you think he might actually be taking it seriously.
You don’t know if you’re convinced, but your friend certainly is.
“Could we take a tour, then? She does a lot of powerlifting, so it’d be nice to check that she’s not going to be waiting a half hour every time she comes in before one’s free.” She pipes up with.
“Oh we’re chock full of them! It’s a good time to do a tour, this is about as busy as it ever gets. Being so close to the uni means everyone’s more sporadic during the week, so a weekend rush between that and classes really is what we get.” He says, coming around from the desk and gesturing for you to follow.
You take a careful breath but you follow regardless of the way your awkwardness is pooling in your limbs.
“We don’t have changerooms- just bathrooms galore, though they’re all fitted with enough room to get changed in if you need to. Four of them have showers, too. All unisex.” He says, pointing a few of them out as you go past them.
You nod along as you have a look at the gym at large. First thing you notice is that the lockers are all open-plan.
But.
It’s good equipment, from what you can see- and the layout is intuitive. He’s right, too, there’s six different powerlifting racks on the backwall.
There’s more mirrors than you’d like, but there are actually less than the gym you’re currently at. You class that as a not insignificant bonus.
And even though it’s been described as busy- it’s not too crowded. It’s obvious enough that everyone is getting to do the things that they’d like, and though a lot of them are your age or thereabouts- the spread of aesthetics and presentations and mix of people puts you – not at ease, but closer to it. There are plenty of people talking pleasantly, and a few even wave to Vander from where they are, who waves back.
“You get lots of regulars, then?” Your friend asks for you.
“We’re an independent, not part of a chain – part of the reason we can do so many classes, just over there and there. Yeah, most people who sign up to keep coming, well- keep coming.” He says- pointing out the area where the classes are held. It’s one of two open spaces- one with just the wood and a bunch of yoga mats and the other, larger one with fake grass and professional gym mats propped up against the wall.
“We’ve also got a few punching bags and an outside area as well. We’ve obviously got the cardio, and then we like to put the in betweens and the weirder machines some people like, and the powerlifting at the back there.”
“And the no lock in contract, that’s an actual thing?” She asks for you.
“Absolutely. I despise people who try and trick you into more money. I’m providing a service- if you aren’t liking or using the service, you can cut it.”
“Maybe I should just go and join myself.” Your friend raises an eyebrow, looking around.
“Go to a physio for your leg first and then you can think about it.” You say immediately.
“Called out.” She laughs.
“Good to have friends who look out for each other.” Vander smiles along too, and you find yourself grinning and shrugging a bit.
“How many people attend what classes, would you say? If you don’t mind me asking.” You get the courage to ask outright.
“Ah, that’s back out at the reception desk, follow on.” He replies, leading you back out the way you came.
“The, ah. You don’t have any locks on the lockers.”
“Honour system. In my personal experience, it’s a good thing to have when you’re all in the same space together. Besides- that way if you’ve got a dickhead you know what bag to stuff with wet toilet paper.” He replies as he grabs the class sheets down for you.
The candor of it makes you laugh, more at ease than you expected to be. You say a quick thank you and have a peruse.
“What time do you normally train?” He asks softly.
“Um. Early mornings before work and class. Why?”
“Busy girl I see. Wanted to see if I could guess how busy it would be for the times you’re thinking of coming in – and I’m happy to report it’s normally quiet.”
“Really?” You laugh.
“Really really. Not a lot of uni students are getting up early enough for all that. Afternoons I’d say you’d be in a run for your money for being a bit busier like this is, but you’re competing with the dead, love.”
It makes you snort your laughter again.
There’s only one that you could feasibly get to for the boxing classes but it also seems like that’s the least busy – only six people, so three pairs.
Only that means you’d literally be the odd one out. And with your joints you aren’t quite as certain of it as you’d like to be.
You resolve yourself to at least ask about it at your next physio appointment and if it’s a yes then you think you really will change over. The difference from going to the gym to work to uni; switching to the gym then uni on the days you don’t have work, plus the one class a week, seems laughably easy to make when you think about it like that.
Hell you could also wrangle your way through some evening gym sessions, too, on the other days, if you get comfortable. It makes a lot of sense to switch.
You hand the schedule back, humming thoughtfully for a second.
“I don’t think I’m signing up immediately, but I’d also be lying if I said it doesn’t sound pretty tempting on the surface. I appreciate the conversation and the tour, though.”
“No problem at all. If you do change your mind you can always come in- I’m in every morning and one of my daughters are in every afternoon. Hope you two have a good weekend.”
“You too.” You smile, waving goodbye as you and your friend go back to the car.
“Seemed very promising. Not quite the love of your life but hey! Maybe a new gym.” She says as you get in.
“Well. I’d like to actually talk to my physio about the boxing classes first.”
“How bad could it be?”
“Ummmm. Listen I think dislocations and sprains are bad enough that I’ll take the caution route is all.”
She purses her lips somewhere between consideration or cringing for you, and with you turning the car on you aren’t sure which.
“Yeah. No. I do guess that’s pretty fair.” She gives to you a second later, and you reckon it might’ve been a mix of both anyway.
“Lift home, then?”
“I hope so because otherwise you have yourself a very willing hostage.” She says- and you laugh.
Though certainly not purposefully, your physio appointment lines up well. You only have to wait the week.
You get through the usual, pick up some new exercises, and though you know that you doubt he’ll approve, you ask him about the boxing gym.
“Boxing classes?”
“Yeah. For fitness and for fun.” You say, trying to put a funny twist on it.
“You’re very happy in your routine with the powerlifting- and you’ve done a lot of work to make sure you can keep going at it. Is this a big changeup?”
“Just a weekly class. I just thought that I want some diversity in my exercise.”
He makes an unhappy hum, but at least he’s actually thinking about it.
“I’m not sold. But it’s not as bad as it could be. You’d have to be very, very careful about your wrists. That means backing down and out of the class, anxiety or not. Yeah?”
“Yeah. I wouldn’t take it if I didn’t think I could do that or be honest with it.” you say, quite self-assured in that, at least.
“Atta girl. Alright. You’d want to do things right, and I’m not in love with this anyway. But. You’ve got the body type for it. So long as you don’t push yourself, or spar too hard with people then this could be a good way to up your cardio.”
“Okay. And do you think that would be okay to switch gyms?”
“Vander’s place?”
“Yeah. How’d you know?”
“Thought about recommending it when you first came in. I know we’ve had to get you up in your confidence, and that’s why I suggested the gym all my oldies go to. I’d be happy to see you in that environment, though.”
“I’m worried his zero tolerance policy is a bit- blanket statement, you know?”
“Blanket statement? No, no. Real deal. I’ve personally seen him throw people out.”
“Really?”
“Oh really. Straight outta there. And he’s a big guy I mean straight out. But hey – I get it. Changing routine is hard for you. Maybe you should just stay where you are…” he says, putting up his hands.
“- and not do the boxing?”
“Well. I didn’t say it.” He laughs.
“But you said I’d be really good!”
“And I’m sure you will but that doesn’t stop the risk of injury being higher. And you don’t know your own strength, you’ll use all of it from the get go.”
“I promise to go halves.”
“Uh huh.” He says incredulously.
It makes you laugh a bit.
“…No. No, upping your confidence will be good. Don’t forget those knee exercises though or it’ll all be for bust.” He reiterates.
“No dislocation of the knee variety. Gotcha.”
“Preferably any other either. But hey- I might be able to go with you to the gym every blue moon to make sure you’re doing it right. It’s way closer.”
“Well I’m not letting a PT do it.” you say – and still a little too fast.
“Vander’s staff is genuinely only the best. I personally trust them and see them all the time. None of them would put you through the ringer, that’s a promise, at least. It’s part of why I’m less worried about the boxing.”
Huh.
That’s not nothing. Not at all.
“…Thanks, James. I appreciate it.”
“Give it some thought. Have some fun. Alright- see you next month.”
“I’ll let you know how it goes if I have a gander.” You say as you walk out to the reception area.
And really that does kind of sell it. You trust him and his opinion quite a bit.
You go through cancelling your gym after another two weeks, when you find the time and you’ll be able to do the swap over in one day that you were planning on using for rest anyway.
You’re internally cringing about the cancellation fee they’re taking but you knew that was going to be coming no matter what. Everyone cancels eventually- something happens, they can’t afford it, they move. It’s certainly making you more positive that Vander’s gym doesn’t have one. And you console yourself with the fact that even if it all goes to shit, and you come back to your old one with your proverbial tail between your legs- several of the oldies will be real happy to see you.
You go to work, and then you start your first prac session afternoon of the year, and isn’t that a hell of a thing. Fun, but a lot. At least you’re at the uni for it, too- and so you swing by the gym again.
It’s almost as busy as it was on Saturday, but you remind yourself that you changed your schedule to make sure that you wouldn’t be doing this in the afternoons or evenings a lot, and that helps.
You take one more steadying breath while you’re in the privacy of your car and then the next time you tell your body to open the door and start walking it does.
You’re somewhere close to surprised at seeing Vander manning the desk- it’s the afternoon, you were expecting someone else- but it’s certainly appreciated.
“Thought you did mornings?”
He gives a little laugh that you don’t quite manage to feel like you earned.
“Good memory. Had to swap over today – Vi, my daughter, has a date.”
“Oh very exciting for her, then!”
“She’s been wooing a girl from class for I don’t know how long. I don’t understand the way young people go about it anymore, I swear. The dancing around each other.”
“It’s an art I’m not particularly fond of myself.” You admit.
“Not one for romance?”
You shake your head to and fro a bit while you think about it, but you’re talking before you realize.
“More like not understanding what is and isn’t someone coming on to me. It’s like. A curse.”
“A curse, huh.”
“Oh yeah. I am the actual worst. Can’t flirt to save my life. Sure as shit can’t figure out if someone else is.”
“You could try to intimidate people out of talking to you.”
“I tried. Something about me screams approachable, apparently.” You say blandly, gesturing down at yourself.
He laughs- a hearty thing.
“Speaking of approaching- what can I help you with this afternoon?”
“I am actually going to, uh. Sign up. If that’s okay.”
“Of course it is! Excited to have you on board- I’ll grab the paperwork. What made you change your mind?”
“The physio. He comes over sometimes apparently- James? He reckoned you and your staff are as serious as I’d want you to be about that zero tolerance.”
If he wants to look concerned he schools his face well. Not well enough that you don’t think about it, but well. You give him pretty good credit for trying.
“We have too many good folk in here to be anything else about it. People deserve to have a space to just chill out and do what they want to do.”
You make a little face while trying not to laugh but you see that he definitely notices and you have to say.
“Chill out?”
“…Vi got to me. I’m hip with the kids now.”
“Yes. Yes you are.” You say- though whatever’s on your face it makes him laugh.
All in all it doesn’t take very long to go through the paperwork- and he’s very kind in the way that he lets you run through everything.
“Would you like the low down of equipment now or when you come in next?”
“Bit busy to do it now, isn’t it?”
“Ah. A little, maybe,” he says, squinting through the glass to the rest of the gym, “but everyone’s nice enough to let us have a quick explanation between sets.”
“Won’t take too long, you don’t think?”
“I reckon you’ll get the hang of it.” He says, the humour making its way through his voice.
“I admit. I know how they work for the most part.” You say- and though he snorts he still rises from his chair, and you reckon you’d probably better follow and just get it out of the way.
Besides, that means that you can just start going to the gym tomorrow morning the way that you want.
He checks your key-fob works first, and then hands it over to you. You slip it into a pocket and follow him out to the rest of the gym. This time you aren’t too anxious to notice the cute motivational posters everywhere- surprisingly accurate, too, isn’t that sweet.
He’s right, too- either because he’s the boss or because everyone here really is just that nice, everyone lets the two of you go through the explanations. You only need a brush up on two or three pieces of equipment that you aren’t too familiar with – but considering that most of what you do is free weights anyway you aren’t too worried about committing it to memory.
“Just as good as expected.”
“You don’t have to flatter if I’m signed up.” You laugh- though it’s also just to brush it off, and you think he might see it. He shrugs easily, and you think that’s going to be it.
“Just to let you know, before you leave. We have a free personal training session if you’d like it. We offer one to everyone who signs on.”
You blink a bit. It’s a nice offer, but. You don’t know who they’d be. And despite the reassurances of your physio…
“Oh thank you, but I don’t do personal training.” If your smile is nervous you try hard not to show it.
He tilts his head, not quite frowning but certainly picking up on more than you’d like to be giving off.
“You mentioned you normally do strength training yeah? It would be doing me more than yourself a favour, to check your form. I don’t want the extra paperwork.”
And maybe that’s why he’s pushing- it’s funny enough that you give a little chuckle. There’s more nerves in there than you’d like; and you stammer around a little before you manage to make a response, and you think he hears it.
“I think my form is good enough I don’t – need one. I don’t think. I’m happy just sticking to physio, I appreciate it though.”
“Well. If you change your mind, I won’t rescind it. It’s on the table at anytime.”
“Thanks, Vander. I appreciate that.”
“No problem. Should I expect to greet you in the dead of morning tomorrow?”
“Unless I chicken out.” You say, meaning to make it funny but not quite managing it.
“No shame in a rest day, you know. Even if it’s mostly up here.” He smiles, tapping his temple.
“Ah. Don’t want it to- fester, either, you know?”
“Oh I know. Well versed in it, myself.”
You don’t doubt it- even if your first thought, as shameful as it is, is to think about how unshakeable he looks.
“There’s a hell of a lot of life experience out there to be had.” You settle on saying.
He seems- somewhere near surprised and appreciative, you think. It makes it easy and less awkward for you to say goodbye.
It’s not- straight anxiety, you don’t think, through the night. Just. Nerves at a change. There’s a gaurantee you aren't going back to the gym you’re used to- and although you’re starting to think it might be a good change, that doesn’t make it less of one. And until you settle in, as soon as you expect that to be- you’re going to have to carefully breathe every once in a while and soothe yourself.
Miracle of miracles; or perhaps just good sleep hygiene; you wake up refreshed enough that despite your hesitance, you know you should go.
Get on the horse, and all that. Who’s going to know that you had to pump yourself up to getting out of bed by groaning and thrashing around a bit.
You prep your things and pack your bag and all said and done you’re out of the house by six thirty, coffee in tow.
The commute is so much easier than you thought- you’re there before quarter to seven. You’ll have to figure out if that’s normal or not- but even if it’s just for the day it’s a blessing.
You reckon it means you can finish your coffee through your warm up- and hopefully that means further it’ll have settled enough by the time you’re really working. It helps you get out of the car and from there it’s easy, even if you are definitely rocked with nerves in your chest. The puff of nerves you’re certain is going to dissipate still making you annoyingly anxious as you cross the carpark and enter through the automatic doors.
Vander greets you easily and you respond with a wave; not quite able to see just how genuine his smile is from how far away you are.
Thankfully a combination of the routine of your warm ups and your coffee does settle your chest back down. Enough that you think it would be helpful rather than hindering to try deadlifts.
You don’t like to do it when you’re too nervous- it stuffs your form up. Everything too tense.
If it doesn’t work out well anyway in the first couple of warm up sets you’re going to switch to cardio, you’ve already promised yourself that. You try to convince yourself that means that you have a fallback but it doesn’t feel like it.
You repeat what the physio’s said to you, what you know is true: no one is paying attention to what you’re doing. And if they are, it’s their problem. You don’t owe people to look like you’re doing something well enough.
Not that there’s nearly anyone to pay attention to you at all. That does make it easier. It’s just as dead as Vander said- there’s only two other people in here with you in the entirety of the gym. And Vander himself is keeping busy, walking around and setting everything up, doing some basic cleaning. You notice the way he glances over your way a few times, but it doesn’t scare you. In some ways you’re impressed with yourself, and in others it just feels pathetic that you’d even think of it.
But he comes over just as you’ve finished another set, and mimes taking your headphones off politely, which you oblige him on.
“I don’t mean to interrupt.”
“No, no, that’s okay. What’s up?” You ask- not quite panting.
“It’s just. I can’t help but notice you’re overextending when you lock out. With your hips. You need to be careful about that.” He says- careful and obviously not wanting to be taken the wrong way.
“Oh, am I really?” You frown.
He nods- and he looks like he almost doesn’t want to suggest it, but he sure does.
“It’s just. I really do think, love, that having one of the PT’s looking and correcting even for a little bit would be good. I know you’ve got your physio, but. Oh I don’t know. Maybe I’m just an old codger who’s too worried.”
You look away and flit about in your head a bit as you think about whether to even say or not- but he’s obviously very well intentioned, and you hope that being in a gym means he’s likely to be understanding, at least.
“It’s… No, it’s okay. Um. I’m hyper-extensive. It’s kind of why I got into doing the gym in the first place.”
“Fibro?”
“No, uh- Ehrler’s Danlos.”
“Aw, hell. Sorry to hear it.”
You shrug it off- old news to you by now, even if you are still a little uncomfortable to mention it to people off the cuff for the most part.
“Aw, it’s not all bad. My body type and being naturally stronger saved me from a lot- but. It also meant I didn’t get help until I was… nineteen? Something like that."
"A blessing and a curse, huh.” He smiles, not unamused.
“A little.”
“Is that the hesitance for the gym switchover?”
“Uh, hah. No. Not fully. It’s why I’m hesitant to actually try the boxing class I’m desperate to do, though.”
“Do you mind if I ask why then.”
You toss it up, doing an odd little shake of your head and fully breaking eye contact, but.
“…Got harassed by my old PT. Quite badly, actually. Looking back on it. At the time it just felt like something that made me uncomfortable that I had to- deal with. I guess. But. Yeah. Eventually switched gyms when they didn’t do anything about it, and got diagnosed too, so the physio helped out a lot. A few other things besides. And ta-daaaaa.” You finish weakly.
“No wonder you were hesitant. No. No I wouldn’t let anyone do that. No one here would dream of it.”
“It’s not really a problem. It’s not like it impacts a lot of my life or anything.” You shrug.
“Seems like it might be enough of it.” He says- not unkindly.
You don’t know how to respond to that so you just shrug again.
“Sorry for mentioning.” You land on.
“I asked. And- I’m sorry that I’m going to mention I still think a PT session or two could do you some good.”
“Yeah proper form is kind of… Listen I can ask my physio to come in here like he does sometimes. I’m sure he’d say yes.”
“But my PT session is free- hell, I’d put a couple more on there. You’re a complicated case. That interests people."
"Complicated?” You ask, pretending to be half-outraged. He laughs- but then he continues.
“I have a few studying either supplementary or part time to be physio’s, themselves. I’ve got one in mind who I know is good. She’s the longest running PT I’ve had, here, right when we opened through to now.”
“And she started studying physio too?”
“Got partial credit from her work experience. She’s done a lot to stay knowledgeable. I’d be willing to bet she’d be impressed by you.”
You don’t really think you’re very impressive. You feel like you might be missing something from the way he’s saying that, but you can’t be sure.
“How close is she to finishing?”
“The degree? Part time took her a while, so she’ll be done middle of next year.”
“Most of the way through, then.”
“Just finishing up the last few classes. Genuinely. She’s good. Wouldn’t be bragging otherwise.”
“…I believe you. I just…”
“I know. You can think about it, if you’d like. No pressure to do it, not really. I don’t mean to meddle.” He says, pulling his hands up in front of him in an easy gesture.
You can tell it’s coming from a sincere place. That he believes what he’s saying- that he’s likely just plain right about it.
“I wouldn’t call it meddling.” You smile. It’s not an easy one, and it’s small, but it’s genuine.
“Well. You’re too kind.”
He turns to go to leave and you hesitate, but you know it’s the right thing to do even if it scares you.
“Um. Vander? I think I- probably should. At least just the one. But I don’t want you to ask any favours or anything, okay? No extras for free, that’s silly.”
“No favours. Got it. Why don’t you finish up and we can sort it out over at reception.”
“Thanks.” You smile.
He gives a nod of his head and looks surprisingly self-satisfied and excited as he continues on with his tasks.
You take another look at the stacked bar and sigh to yourself, wiping the sweat off your temple with your wrist. Annoyance flittering.
But you were only one working set away from racking up anyway. And you aren’t willing to keep going if your form isn’t good enough.
So you give it up, for the day at least, and rack your weights back. You hesitate for a split second and disguise it with having a drink of water- but you’re anxious enough that you think you probably need to do some cardio whether you’d like to or not.
You grumble your way through the first five minutes of the elliptical and then another minute or two after that you find your groove. Timing your breaths carefully as you can with the pump of your legs and the songs, careful to maintain your pace without it being too much. By fifteen minutes in you’re sweating and struggling but your chest finally blooms with fire as you pant, and you’re having fun the way you miss when you used to regularly jog, your endorphins flooding and making your muscles feel like they’re flying.
At least they don’t give out on you yet. Your knees might want to betray you if you don’t keep up with them and your ankles might want to roll if you land on them wrong in grass- but your legs have always been strong, and they can carry you through.
You get to the cool down and you do feel a bit better for it. The feeling that you outran something- that you used your muscles the way they’re supposed to be used helping significantly. You feel better than you did when you woke up.
You wipe the equipment down and as you do you notice that you’re the only one even left at the gym at all.
You get changed in one of the bathrooms and grab the rest of your things from the locker.
“You really weren’t kidding. Why bother even coming in?” You half joke as you walk up to reception.
“I do the cleaning instead of hiring some poor sod.” He shrugs.
“Not so that your daughters don’t have to clean up someone else’s mess when they come in?” You ask astutely, having noticed the massive amounts of gym equipment strewn everywhere.
“Well. Maybe that too.”
“Why don’t you put some signs up, make a policy? Genuine question.”
“Ah- most of it is from the group classes the night before. I don’t want to make the PT’s do it when they aren’t getting paid for the time; and when your class finished at nine pm you just want to go home and collapse.”
“Well. That’s really very sweet of you.”
“Ah. I don’t know about that.” He laughs, scratching at the back of his neck surprisingly sheepish.
You take mercy on him.
“So, that PT. What times does she normally work?”
“Oh I’m sure she’d be quite happy to come in when you normally do.” He says easily- though you find yourself laughing.
“Vander I thought I said no favours- I haven’t even been here long enough to warrant them.” You smile.
“You pick up on a lot, huh. No she’s normally in after another half hour or so, though that’s for her own workout. Then she gets changed and starts her day.” He says, tapping away at the tablet.
“What days does she do PT on?”
“She runs quite a few of the classes, so she only tends to do PT four days out of the week.”
“Oof. Busy lady.”
“You’re telling me. Sometimes I think she never stops,” He laughs, “here- might as well just turn it around to let you see it, it’ll be easier.”
The PT- Sevika, it says up the top- has a free space in the next week right after you’d normally be finishing up at the gym, and there’s still plenty of time before you need to do your afternoon prac.
“That one’s pretty far apart from the others…” you say- not quite suspicious, but not quite understanding either. It seems like apart from that one spot you’d have to go to her schedule rather than the other way round.
“That’s her emergency spot, mostly. But I’d argue it’s pretty important to get sorted, and I’m certain she’d agree with me.”
“Are you now.” You say incredulously- but he laughs, and before you can change your mind he’s already tapping your information in there.
“It’s a date. Thanks again for listening to the elderly.”
“I wouldn’t call you out of the running yet- I’m sure you could take a lot of people for their money, still.” You joke back.
“Flattery, so early in the morning. I don’t know if I’ll survive through to my second coffee.”
You laugh again and say some easy goodbyes.
You wouldn’t say that you’re settled in, come next week. But you’re getting there. At least- you’re getting into the routine for your uni, and you haven’t let it get in the way of you doing the gym.
And you aren’t anxious walking through the doors in the mornings, knowing damn well it’s going to be just as dead as the first day. Five other people is classed as a busy morning. It’s even better than your old gym.
You even know most of them by now, even with how short a time you’ve been going, a nice smile or a nod shared when you see each other. It certainly seems Vander was accurate in his assessment it’s filled with good people.
And- you admit, in some ways you’re looking forward to the PT, even if it is scarier. You’ll be able to get a better idea of how you’ve been going, if you’re lucky. Correct anything you’ve slipped on since you learned it.
You plan on doing some deadlifts and a warmup before the session; and to hopefully keep any residual anxiety at bay. It’s not exactly helpful to you.
It doesn’t stop it from cropping up. It wasn’t going to.
Halfway through your warm up you have to admit that you just aren’t going to be safe enough to do any deadlifts, and you transfer over to cardio instead and try to get it out that way. Which kind of helps.
You start off trying not to go too hard because of the session but then another burst of anxiety sparks in your chest and you’re going faster than you mean to.
You see movement out of the corner of your eye near the reception and you glance over but then you’re just staring, your breath caught.
You almost trip and you make yourself look back at the screen ahead of you as you try and catch your breath.
Holy shit.
Even just talking to Vander, she’s one of the most beautiful women you think you’ve ever seen in your life. You couldn’t see much barring a first impression that she’s tall and strong as hell. Considering her next to Vander you think she might be pushing six foot five.
You press cool down and gulp air into your lungs and tell yourself to calm down for different reasons altogether and this at least mostly works. There’s no conceivable way she’d be interested. It’s laughable.
Sure doesn’t stop your legs from feeling wobbly when you step off.
You’re finishing up wiping the machine, headphones around your neck to give your ears a break.
“Don’t think I’m going to run you hard enough?”
Her voice is low, maybe a bit teasing- and it still makes you flinch. When you laugh it’s more out of nervousness than anything else.
“Oh- oh, nothing like that, I’m sorry.” You stammer your way through, turning to face her.
You blink and you have to tilt your chin up to look at her properly and you know damn well that when your legs feel like jelly it’s not from the cardio.
You swallow your immediate thought that she can run you as hard as she wants.
Her hair is cropped, half of it pulled back from her lovely face. Angular jaw and sculpted, full eyebrows and gorgeous lips. Her nose is large and striking and in combination with the grey steel of her eyes you have to hope she thinks you’re breathless from the cardio.
God.
Thankfully for you she laughs like you’d managed to say something funny.
“I’m teasing. Sevika. Good to meet you. Won’t make you shake hands when you’re sweaty, don’t worry.”
You manage to reply in kind. You’re pretty sure you’re blushing. You hope it manages to just look like a flush, considering.
You’ve never been more thankful to have accidentally gone harder on cardio than you meant to.
“So. Vander gave me the most basic of run downs- but would you mind if I heard it from you while we do some stretches?”
“Ah- depending I don’t think you’ll be too keen to get me to stretch.” You say, though you still follow her out onto the open space.
“Yeah- Ehrler’s Danlos, was it?”
“That’s the unfortunate one.”
“Hell of a thing.” She says- but you shrug.
“Listen. I’m strong. Or… I’d bet I’m not as strong as you, but.” You blush.
“Oh, no. I can see it. A pocket rocket on our hands, huh?” She grins down at you.
You splutter a bit. Some part of you wants to say you aren’t short- though next to her. Well.
You opt to try and ignore it and it half works.
“Point is I’ve been saved from dislocation, though I still get a lot more movement than I’m supposed to.”
“Subluxations?”
“That’s the one.”
“Any areas you want to focus on?”
“Um… My left is worse than my right. Don’t know why…. Knee’s not the best but it holds. Mostly. Listen I really don’t like complaining about it.”
“This isn’t complaint.” She smiles easily.
You shrug and then notice the tightness of your right shoulder and pull it forward and it cracks.
She raises an eyebrow.
“Point taken.” You laugh.
“So, knees…” she tilts her head down and to the side while she smiles to let you know that she’s waiting on the and.
“…And hips. Quite badly. Physio’s just gotten me to start side planks and hip flexor exercises daily… And uh. It’s difficult to tell if it’s that or if it’s my back by itself, but my lower back isn’t great at the best of times. My shoulders creak a lot like you just heard, same with my wrists, but they don’t hurt and I do grip strength already.”
She nods along easily, and the fact that all you’ve talked about is what’s bad about you is making you feel- odd. Maybe a little bit inadequate. But you find that you can’t figure out how to say that you’re also okay without seeming like you’re interjecting again.
“And what do you like to do?”
“Thankfully- and in hindsight this might be because I have joint issues and not in spite of it- I love strength training. I do a lot of deads, they’re my favourite. I’ve been told to stay away from the heavy squats because of said hips and knees, but I’ll still do sumo. I already have a few accompaniments that I’m pretty good at keeping up with, and I like bench press.”
“Oh, we can work with that. What’s your best?”
“Rack or floor?”
“Both.”
“I tend to mostly do rack because it’s just that bit easier on the knees. I got up to ninety five kilos for working sets a few times at my best. Three sets of five to six reps. Didn’t find out my PB. And floor was eighty five, same thing.”
She whistles appreciatively, her face impressed while she nods a bit.
“Alrighty. Your physio said anything’s off limits?”
“He basically just checked that what I was already doing in the routine wasn’t going to kill me and we’ve worked from there, so it’s been less I can’t do this and more why don’t we try that.”
“Okay. I’m going to take you through a few things- and yes, I am going to suggest some stretches, they’re helpful- and then I’m going to write you a potential program, and just for shits and giggles let’s still have you take it to him to check over, yeah?”
“That… That sounds really good. Thank you. The stretching though?”
“The important thing is that you aren’t overextending and overstretching your joints, and that you’re using and stretching your muscles around the joints to strengthen them. Normally I’d be pulling you this way and that but that’s not going to be as helpful for you. So-“ She says, sitting down where she is, “we are going to do them together, and we’re going to pay attention for when it’s the joint and when it’s the muscle.”
“Huh… I kinda just. Strayed away from that.” You say as you sit.
“I can understand the hesitation. I do think though- adding these in before your warmup and after you’re done… Well hell. I’m going to be interested to see how that changes things.”
“You reckon?”
“Oh absolutely. Now sorry if it seems like I ramble- just want to make sure you’re following.”
She takes you through how to do a few stretches, and she’s so thorough in the explanations and talking to you that you kind of just forget to be worried somewhere in there. She corrects you a few times, but that’s alright.
“Shit, you really are flexible. I’d kill to be able to do that.” She says, making you laugh where your forehead is pressed to your knee.
You turn your head to the side expecting to see her trying to do the same stretch but you’re caught out a bit when she’s just tilted her head and smiling at you. You don’t know what to do with it- it’s not. Uncomfortable. Even as your chest squeezes you aren’t upset by it. You think you feel a little bit – exposed, maybe, and you wish you didn’t put leggings on that hugged so much. Self-consciousness striking when you wish it wouldn’t.
But still- the two of you get up.
You’re scrambling for what to say or maybe even how to say it but you glance at the clock.
“Um- shouldn’t our session already be done?”
“Hm? Oh, no, don’t worry about that. It’s more about making the program than it is timing.” She lies.
“Really?”
“Yeah it’s really common to run overtime. Don’t have that much on today anyway.”
“I mean… If you say so. But. If we take too much longer I’m going to start feeling bad, you know.” you say, only half joking.
Still, it makes her laugh, big and boisterous and you think you might do anything to try and hear it again.
The gym’s starting to fill up you’ve been here so long, people coming in before their classes- but Sevika grabs the two of you a power rack, and you start on deads.
“Wish we had the time to really see what you can do; but just work your way up to sixty or so for me to see your form.”
You almost say yes sir automatically and even though you would’ve been joking it almost makes you choke on your spit.
“Aye-aye, captain.” You say instead.
“I can’t hear you~” she sing-songs, and it makes you laugh before you line up.
“Bit nervous?” She asks as you do the bar- surprising you.
“How’d you know?”
“You’re all tense.” She shrugs.
“Sorry.”
“No, no, it’s fine. Just wanted to see if you’re alright.”
“Uh. Just- a bit used to less people, I think. And not being watched like a hawk.”
“Oh surely you’re used to that at least, pretty girl like you.”
You bark out a laugh so uncomfortable she figures she’d better not push it, though the reaction makes her frown and you realize you have to save it, though you don’t know why it matters.
“Turn around for me?” You ask her.
“Why’s that?”
“I’m legally mandated to check if your pants are on fire. Gym safety, you know.”
“Oh well that’s some serious business.” She gets out after she’s done laughing; and she even does a quick turn around in proof for you jokingly.
You snort, considering the conversation pretty salvaged as you rack back up- and despite what she said, you really aren’t finding yourself uncomfortable with it. It doesn’t exactly make your skin crawl.
Maybe that’s because you’re already coming up with a million excuses why she would’ve said it- and none of them amount to her meaning it.
“Hm. Do you lean back a bit more onto your heels with higher weights?”
“Um. I think so? You’ll see if I do when we get up to sixty- I’m probably a little more loosey-goosey than I should really let myself be for warm ups.”
“Alright. Hey, yeah, if that’s working for you and it evens out then I don’t think we have anything we need to fix- apart from the over-extending when you lock out.”
“Yeah, Vander mentioned that. Um. What is it that I’m doing, with that, exactly?”
“Yeah- so when you’re coming up and locking out, you know how you squeeze your butt?”
“Unfortunately.”
She laughs, but she continues.
“Well your movement is so fluid that your pelvis is actually thrusting forward that bit more. Usually that wouldn’t be much of a problem, but considering you said your hips are giving you trouble…”
“Oh- oh, how far out am I going?”
She talks while she fake deadlifts, bending down as if to pick it up.
“You’re about here,” she says, her head still down and her hips pushed too far forward. It makes her shoulders hunch and you can see how her arms might take more of the load- her butt seeming a bit uncomfortable, “but you want to stop at about here.”
She shifts and pulls back and you can see her point. It looks more natural. There’s a split second where you realize that you’re allowed to just look at her silhouette and you feel guilty as anything but you still take it, just that next breath in before you nod like you understand. Trying to stop the flush from gracing your cheeks and knowing it’ll be noticeable.
“Oh, okay. Um. Like this?” You ask, pulling the weight with ease and then stopping just before you normally do. It makes your butt tense more and it feels- odd, but you think you did it right.
“Yeah, exactly.”
“It felt a little weird.” You admit when you put it back down.
“That’s because you aren’t used to it yet. It’s like changing a grip, it’s going to feel odd for a bit.”
“I’ll keep at it, then. Thanks, I appreciate it.”
“Hey, just doing my job.” She says, helping you rack up again.
“Did that feel easy?” She asks when you finish up the set.
“Yeah, easy enough. Could do thirty of those.”
“Thirty, huh? Tough girl.”
“Obviously want to get a bit tougher.” You laugh.
“I think I can help with that. Come on, I just want to see your set standard for a few things, but I think I’ve got a good idea of what we’ll be doing.”
She takes you through the rest of the gym- it’s a bit fun, jumping onto boxes and doing rope swings and assisted pullups while she gets a feel for where you’re at.
The talk you have is easy- you ask briefly about why she wants to switch over to working as a physio, and she seamlessly brings it back around to your uni.
You almost want to ask questions to try and gauge how old she is, but you stray away from it. Not appropriate- and not your business, either. Someone as gorgeous as her has got to have a partner by now. She’s so easy to talk to and charming, obviously smart- there’d be hell to pay if she hasn’t found someone worth her time.
At the end of all of it she hands over a suggested workout sheet.
“Damn this is decked to the nines- thanks, Sevika.”
It’s so stupid to want to be able to keep talking to her, but the feeling wells up in your chest all the same.
“I honestly wish you were worse so I could try and talk you into proper personal training, you know. You’d be a fun client. As it is I’d like to be able to see you in a few months, see if I can’t tweak what you find hard, help your physio out… Hopefully your hips will be a bit better too, we can take you through some new movements.”
You make a hesitant little noise before you mean to and scramble to correct it.
“Oh, thank you, that’s so sweet- I just don’t really have the money to be able to do PT and the gym and the physio. Uni, man. Fucking thing. Don’t get paid for my prac, either, have I complained about that yet?”
“Only a little.” She laughs- thinking quickly and on the spot, “Though you know, I have a student discount.”
“Really?”
“Yeah.” She smiles.
“Isn’t that… Counter-intuitive?”
“How so?”
“Aren’t. Most of your clients students, if not all of them?”
“Mmm?”
You aren’t really sure why she’s got that strange look on her face but it doesn’t stop you from talking.
“Doesn’t that mean it’s. Just your regular rate?”
She laughs again- that low loud one from before, the one that you think means she’s caught off guard by how funny she finds it.
You don’t really know what’s funny about it but by god you’ll take it. It feels like a miracle you got that out of her at all- that you were able to see the crinkle of her eyes and the way her mouth twitches its way back into a half-smile.
You’re suddenly glad for how you don’t go to the gym at the same time as her. You think you’d never stop pining.
God. You still might not.
“I guess it does. You got me. Still- think about it. Ask Vander, yeah?”
“I…”
You want to say no. You want to be able to think about saying no.
But as it stands.
“Thanks. Yeah. I think I might.” You say, smiling weakly.
You already know you won’t- but that won’t be her fault. Not at all.
You say your reluctant goodbyes, and you wave to Vander beaming at you as you exit the gym well past when you thought you would. A great big heave of a sigh leaving your chest and not even helping to make you feel better when you get in the car.
You shake your head, try to mentally shrug off the way you want to perpetually blush and cringe at yourself, and get on with your day.