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breathe into me

Summary:

Subaki hated Niles. Or he thought he did. He's not so sure anymore.

Notes:

unbeta'd, be gentle.

take it, buddy, it's 5AM and i'm done and i can't look at it anymore. may fix this up at a later time when i'm not so sleepy zzzzz

Work Text:

Subaki hated Niles.

 

But he hated him in the way that one would hate a particularly exasperating insect.

 

Or, at least, he thought he hated him. He’s not really so sure anymore.

 

It’s hard to hate someone who told him, in all seriousness, to pretend that he was actually, physically sharing a portion of his worries with him. Their hands had brushed when Subaki had finally played along, Niles’ fingertips lingering hot against the palm of his hand, and if Subaki were to ever be asked if the warm, light feeling in his chest was entirely from believing his burden had been shared if only for the moment, he wouldn’t be able to give an honest answer.

 

It’s all he can think about for weeks and it drives him absolutely up the walls; it makes him throw himself into his daily routines with renewed vigor, more determined than ever to perfect his perfection if it means he can stop thinking about Niles and the way he had cared enough to offer to share his burden in a way nobody had before.

 

Subaki catches Niles watching one afternoon as he pauses to wipe the sweat from his brow, chest heaving and body covered in dust and dirt everywhere but his hands. When Niles notices his attention he just stares and smiles and dips his head in a way that very much says “go ahead, show me what you’re capable of.” And if Subaki exceeds even his own expectations for the remainder of his practice session under that watchful eye, eager to impress in a way that surprises even him, well. He was just having a good day.

 

And if later that evening he muffles his moans in the fabric of his pillow as he cums, hard, to the thought of Niles telling him how perfect he had been, nobody would have to know but him.

 

Things get worse for him, after that.

 

Niles seeks his company more and more and each time Subaki is less reluctant than the last, finding his presence to be almost akin to pleasant when he wasn’t talking about how much he’d like to see his face contorted with pain. And every time, he learns a variety of new things about Niles. Things like his childhood and his troubled youth, things like how Lord Leo had saved him from himself and gave him a purpose in life without any hesitation. At some point, Subaki even learns about how he likes to gaze at the moon. And in return, he tells Niles about himself and subsequently opens up in a way he had never allowed himself to previously out of fear of being seen as imperfect. And Niles listens to him and accepts him and his insecurities and the way he exhausts himself trying to live up to the expectations of faultlessness his family had placed upon him without once looking at him like he was anything less than what he was. With Niles, he is just a man, and the relief that comes with this acknowledgment is almost euphoric.

 

They never touch during these conversations, haven't touched since the time Subaki had placed his worries in Niles' hands. And when Subaki realizes that he had been waiting for it this entire time— had been aching for it— does he truly begin to understand how badly he has it for him.

 

Niles must have known, must have sensed it somehow in some way akin to a Diviner’s premonition, for every meeting that ensues after Subaki’s realization Niles makes sure to stand just out of reach, close enough to feel his body heat but not near enough to give Subaki the satisfaction of his touch. And every night afterwards Subaki gives himself over to the fantasy of what that touch could bring him and moans and writhes in his bed until he orgasms with his lips silently mouthing his name. He tries to convince himself that he’d never ask for it, not as long as his pride remains intact, but every time Niles slyly grins at him, all honey-laced words and warmth, he finds his resolve ebbing like a tide that will never return. No amount of dedicating himself to his practice sessions or sparring or anything succeeds in distracting him from this need to have Niles touch him, and it’s only by pure, perfect self control that he manages to keep from initiating that contact himself.

 

Much to his dismay, his self control only lasts for so long.

 

All it takes is for Niles to press their shoulders together as they stand side by side and talk idly about the new strategy Corrin had wanted to discuss with everyone earlier in the day, and suddenly Subaki’s breath hitches and his fingers twitch and he wants and wants more than he ever has in his life.

 

“Oh?” Niles says, eyebrows raising and amusement twinkling in his eye and his expression is so infuriatingly knowing and Subaki shoves him hard against the wall and steps into his space, caging him in with his arms. “I was wondering when you were going to do somethin—“ Niles starts to say but Subaki doesn’t want to hear it so he finally crushes their lips together and gods, it’s like his first taste of water after weeks trapped in a desert and he moans into it. He knows he should be ashamed, should be disgusted with himself so being so desperate, knows he should be something other than  what he is right at that moment. But then Niles is kissing him back, all talented teeth and tongue, and Subaki can’t find it in him to care about anything at all.

 

They’re barely able to make it back to Subaki’s room, but when they finally do Subaki can’t stop touching Niles, hands immediately going for his chest, sliding up to his shoulders then to his hair, fingers pulling hard at the white strands. The groan he is rewarded with makes his mouth water and his dick swell and Subaki kisses him again and again, hands letting go of Niles’ hair to drop down to his pants, fumbling at them in his desperation to get them open. It’s only then that Niles pulls away from him, holds him at arms length, breathless and laughing. “Woah, there,” he says, lips pulled back over his teeth in a grin, “not so fast.” Subaki reaches for him again with a sound of protest and he’s promptly shoved back toward his bed, sprawling back on in a way that shouldn’t be as graceful as it is, and Niles keeps him there with one hand on his chest. They watch each other for a long moment, and despite how eager for it Subaki is he stays still and waits. Apparently, that’s exactly what Niles had wanted to see because he begins to caress Subaki’s neck with his hand to soothe him and while this isn’t what Subaki really wants, it gets him to press his legs together, cheeks flushed, kiss swollen lips parted as he attempts to even out his breathing.

 

“There you go,” Niles murmurs, still stroking his skin, and when he goes to wrap his hand around Subaki’s neck, Subaki just lifts his chin to allow him better access despite every instinct in his body screaming at him to stop this now, that this is dangerous. As Niles begins to squeeze, just the slightest increase in pressure, a mixture of fear and fascination and lust washes over his expression and Niles shudders above him, inhales sharply and slowly, reluctantly brings his hand away from Subaki’s neck. “That’s it— that’s the kind of expression I wanted to see. And it’s just as irritatingly perfect as I thought it would be,” Niles breathes, observing him, and Subaki makes this little noise of desperation low in his throat when he hears the compliment. “But this?” Niles continues, bringing his hand to Subaki’s undoubtedly enraptured face, where his knuckles drag achingly slow up and down his cheek. “This is good, too.”

 

Subaki’s throat works as he swallows, tongue darting out to wet his lips as he prepares himself to speak for the first time since they stumbled into the room together. “You knew,” is all he can manage at first, tone accusatory, and Niles just grins at him, neither confirming or denying it. Subaki knits his brows together and narrows his eyes, thankful for how level his voice sounds when he speaks again. “You knew and you did all of that on purpose. What the hell were you waiting for?”

 

Niles considers him for a moment, head canting at an angle while he brings his hand back from Subaki’s face to rest at his side. He hums, then dips his shoulders in a shrug, expression wicked as he replies with, “I was waiting for you to beg for it.” Subaki raises an eyebrow at him, then, and scoffs at the thought even though he knows he had considered doing that more times than he would ever care to admit. “I don’t recall begging for it,” he retorts, unable to keep the smugness out of his voice, and leans back on the bed, arms stretched out behind him to keep him upright. Niles leans over him, splaying his hands out on the bed on either side of Subaki, who can’t seem to decide if he wants to pull away or kiss him again. Niles makes the decision for him and captures his mouth in another kiss. It’s markedly more filthy than before and Subaki instantly opens his mouth to grant Niles’ tongue access. When Niles breaks the kiss and leans away, licking his lips, Subaki makes to follow him before he catches himself and forces himself to remain still. “You will,” Niles states simply, confidence dripping off of those two words, and Subaki bristles.

 

“Fuck you,” he spits, and Niles just smirks at him in that maddening manner of his. He leaves him for a moment to go grab the chair at Subaki’s desk, dragging it over until it’s placed right in front of where Subaki sits on the bed. Niles slides into the chair once it’s situated and spreads his legs and leans forward to give Subaki his full attention, one arm in his lap while the other supports Niles’ chin in his hand. He looks unbelievably smug and expectant and Subaki wants to break his nose just as badly as he wants those self-satisfied lips wrapped around his dick.

 

“Now, now,” Niles begins, and Subaki discerns that the annoyance must have shown on his face. “Only good boys get what they want.” And it should come off as demeaning, it really should, but there’s something in the way Niles says it that has Subaki shivering, cock twitching in his pants. “F-Fuck you,” Subaki says again, weaker this time, red dusting his skin from his cheeks to the tops of his ears. Niles looks positively delighted at his frustration and he leans back, making sure to give him a full view of the bulge in his own pants, evidence that Subaki wasn’t the only one affected by the situation. “Don’t you want to be a good boy?” Niles persists, words saccharine and encouraging with the slightest hint of command and it sounds so strange coming out of his mouth, when just about everything prior had been playfully antagonizing or filled with innuendo. “You’re so perfect— it shouldn’t be hard for you. All you have to do is beg me for it.” Subaki makes this noise in the back of his throat and shakes his head from side to side, entire body on fire from Niles’ words alone and that shouldn’t even be fucking possible but it is. Niles just shrugs and lifts his leg, nudges Subaki’s legs apart with the toe of one shoe, then rests his foot there. It’s a challenge and an offer all in one and all Subaki has to do is scoot forward a few inches to grind against it and— he won’t. He can’t give Niles the satisfaction. It’s the same reason he hasn’t yet yanked down his pants and jerked himself to completion.

 

Which is exactly what Niles seems to be doing, because as soon as it became clear that Subaki wasn’t about to ask for anything he reaches for his pants and arches his hips up to better allow him to slide them down to his knees. “That’s a shame,” he says, disappointed, as he reaches for his cock and strokes it up and down a few times. Even makes a show of it as he shuts his eye, lips parted in a guttural groan. Subaki swallows heavily and stares and stares, his own dick aching for a similar touch. But he refrains, tries to grasp at the dwindling scraps of his pride, and presses his legs together as tightly as he can with Niles’ foot resting in between them while dragging his gaze away to the corner of the room. His heartbeat is loud in his ears, the blood pounding through his veins, but Niles’ moans are louder, hand moving in an easy, lazy pace, and Subaki grabs at the fabric underneath his hands hard enough to make his knuckles bleed white. He eventually brings his gaze back to Niles and starts shifting his hips forward, desperation driving him try to surreptitiously get close enough to rub himself off against Niles’ boot, but every time he gets close enough Niles pulls his boot back until it’s just out of reach.

 

This continues with Subaki getting increasingly frustrated until Niles’ foot drops off the bed and Subaki is left sitting at the edge of it, hard and wanting. Niles finds his plight to be absolutely delightful and he moans louder than before, hips bucking into his hand, when Subaki’s face belays his distress. “Niles,” Subaki pleads, brows knitting together and chest rising and falling quicker than before. Niles just raises an eyebrow and makes a show of rolling his head back, entire body shuddering as he drags his thumb over the precum on the head of his cock. The sight is more than he can take and Subaki whimpers, needy, and finally gives in. “Please,” he whines, and Niles slows his hand, attention instantly snapping back to him. “Please what?” Niles asks, purposely obtuse, and Subaki’s eyes prickle, wetting, and it’s so goddamn embarrassing and imperfect but he wants— needs— Niles’ hands on him more than anything before. “Please touch me,” Subaki begs, blushing furiously and aroused to the point of pain. “Please, gods, just touch me.”

 

Niles looks beyond pleased, lips curling into another cheshire grin, and he immediately let’s go of himself. “Be a good boy and get undressed,” he orders and Subaki starts going for his clothes so fast that he should be ashamed of his self control, but the promise of Niles’ hands on his skin is more than enough to appease him. When he’s finally bare, pale skin flushed pink and cock dripping, Niles licks his lips and takes him in. “You really are perfect,” he taunts, giving his dick a pointed look as he slips out of his own clothing, and Subaki can only whimper again at the praise. Niles tosses a small bottle onto the bed as he finally comes closer, one hand pushing at Subaki’s chest to get him to scoot farther back upon it until he’s laying against his pillows with Niles warm and heavy above him, one knee positioned between his legs, and Subaki can’t help the way he rocks his hips against it with a groan. His noises are quickly muffled by Niles’ mouth on his again and Subaki throws himself into the kiss, hungry for it. During the kiss Niles shifts until he’s situated between Subaki’s legs, hips pressing together, and Subaki helplessly grinds against him, moaning loudly into the kiss. When Niles breaks the kiss and pulls away, he makes sure he’s just out of reach, leaving Subaki bucking into thin air with a breathy protest.

 

“Please,” Subaki tries again, but he’s quickly quieted by Niles reaching for the bottle he and thrown on the bed, uncapping it and upending it over his fingers, coating them in what Subaki realizes is lube. He knows what’s coming next— he’s thought about it every night for the past few weeks — so he just spreads his legs wider to give Niles a better view. “Look at you,” Niles purrs, rubbing a slick finger against his entrance, prodding and teasing and Subaki’s breath hitches when it begins to press into him. “You’re so good, so eager for it,” he continues as he begins to thrust his finger in and out, and Subaki throws his head back and whimpers and tries to roll his hips in time with Niles’ finger but he’s stopped by Niles’ other hand on his waist. “This isn’t your first time being touched here, is it?” Subaki just looks away, but that’s apparently a good enough answer for Niles because he chuckles and adds a second finger to the first, thrusts picking up in intensity. “Guess not.”

 

By the time Niles adds the third finger Subaki is fighting with the other hand on his hips keeping him still, wanting so badly to rock against the fingers inside him, desperate little cries spilling from his lips. Niles makes a beckoning motion with his fingers, rubbing at his prostate, and Subaki’s entire body spasms and he damn near shouts, back arching off the bed. He nearly cums right then and there, vision whiting out for a split second, and he reaches for his neglected dick and squeezes near the base to ensure he doesn’t. He’d been waiting too long for this— he wanted it to last. “Hurry up,” Subaki demands, his voice surprisingly firm after this onslaught of pleasure. And of course, Niles does the complete opposite, slowly pumping his fingers in and out of Subaki’s ass like he hadn’t heard, and Subaki reaches for Niles face, slides his fingers through his hair, and pulls at it like he had done earlier. Niles lets out a breathy moan, the rhythm of his fingers faltering. “Fuck me,” Subaki says, and he looks up at Niles through his long eyelashes. “Please.”

Niles hums in appreciation and he pulls his fingers from him and goes for the bottle of lube for the second time. “Only because you asked so nicely.”

 

He immediately coats his dick in the slick substance, then reaches for Subaki’s legs, tugging them up until they were wrapped around his torso, bringing them that much closer. When Niles finally starts pushing into him, far larger than the three fingers that had been in him previously, Subaki forces himself to relax despite every instinct urging him to tense at the intrusion. The slow burn hurts, but it hurts in the way practice did— a necessary pain that makes him grit his teeth and squeeze his eyes shut, brows coming together as his expression betrays his discomfort. Niles doesn’t stop, though, not until he bottoms out inside of him, and with his legs wrapped around him, Subaki can feel how his body shudders. They’re both still for a moment, a moment that Subaki appreciates as he adjusts to Niles’ substantial growth. When Subaki is ready for Niles to move, he lets him know by grabbing his hair again, to which Niles responds by sharply bucking into him, cursing. Subaki bites his lip, keens high in his throat at the rush of pleasure that accompanies the action, and does it again. Niles takes the hint and begins to thrust in and out of him, slowly at first, while his hands support him from their position mattress on either side of Subaki’s body. Eventually, and with more coaxing from Subaki in the form of hair pulling or soft, broken little pleas, he speeds up until he’s driving into him so hard that he’s pushing him up the bed. With every thrust Subaki’s moans get louder and louder until he’s practically shouting, and Niles goes to quiet him with another kiss. It’s sloppy and their teeth click together more than once but it’s good, far too good, and if Niles keeps at this pace any longer he wasn’t going to last

 

“N-Niles,” Subaki starts, the warning clear in his voice, and instead of slowing down he reaches for Subaki’s dick with one hand, quickly stroking him in time with his own thrusts. “That’s it,” Niles moans, and tilts his hips in just the right way so every thrust makes the head of his cock brush against Subaki’s prostate, “you’re so good, Subaki, so perfect, go ahead and cum for me.” And Subaki despite the hand on his dick and the perfect thrusts targeting his prostate, it’s those words that make him come undone. “Oh— Oh gods, oh fuck, oh gods—“ He moans, sounding as absolutely wrecked as he feels, and he orgasms so hard he sees stars, back arching like a taut bow while his nails dig in to any part of Niles’ skin that he can reach. His thighs are shaking like he had been running for miles, cum covering his stomach in milky drops that rapidly cool in the evening air, and Niles drags a hand through some and brings it to his lips to lick it clean as he continues to pound into him at an unrelenting pace. Hypersensitive and blissed out, it’s all Subaki can do to continue rolling his hips against Niles’ own, ass clenching down around the dick in his ass, eager to push him over the edge just as he had done.

 

At last, Niles’ hips stutter, faltering in their movement, and it all it takes after that is Subaki pulling at his hair and a few more haphazard thrusts and Niles cums with a feral, guttural groan, coating his insides. Subaki almost orgasms again from that sensation alone, but instead he lays there panting in the afterglow as Niles sags against him. After some time, Subaki pushes at his chest, and Niles pulls out and rolls over to collapse on the bed next to him. The sensation of something warm dripping from his backside has Subaki shivering, his face scrunching in disgust, and huffs low underneath his breath but doesn't speak. Not right away, still too raw from what had been undoubtedly the best orgasm of his life, but also the most embarrassingly fast. He couldn't have helped it, he supposed, not when he had been waiting for this moment since he first noticed Niles observing his training sessions.

The silence drags on for some time, neither of them saying a word, and it’s Subaki who breaks the silence first. “That was—“ And Niles turns his head to grin at him, voice playful. “Everything you thought it would be?” Subaki just rolls his eyes and shoves at him, even though his own mouth is shaped in a matching smile.