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It starts with that one wrong conversation - one that never happened. A figure in the corner, lingering for too long, a shadow burnt around the edges, smudges of yellows and reds and eyes. Blue. So out of place against the rest of the figure. Watching from across the room.
Gilded sees it more after that. Sees Milo more too, flare knows the conversation they had wasn't real, and the more he reminds himself the more the details slip away.
One time Milo finds him, pacing around the lava farm, apparently muttering to himself. Her eyes are filled with concern, and he gently guides it to sit, getting them to open up about what's been going on (if Gilded notices the twitches of a smile on the god's face he doesn't allow himself to believe it). The two come up with a codeword - coconuts and pineapples - to make sure Gilded knows when things are real.
(To make sure Gilded always questions whether things are real or not)
Hallucinations get worse, Milo appearing more and more often, sometimes it feels so real, speaking full complex sentences to them, she flickers in these moments - squashing any doubt Gilded might have had there was something off - a wrong version of golds friend. Other times he only appears for moments, sentences never more than a few words - these ones feel more right.
«—»
His subconscious mind is plagued with nightmares, images he cannot escape from even while at rest (Gilded does not get to rest). He is confronted by Milo - the wrong one - the one that shares a face with their friend but is simply so wrong. Light the light has drained out of him.
The face is soft, kind. It pisses Gilded off, something stirring in his gut. Rage.
Wrong Milo speaks, but none of the words reach Gilded's ears, the buzzing in his head blocking them out. The two remain still for so long and the buzzing turns into ringing and his vision blurs red.
Gilded pounces, jumping on Milo like a wild animal- tackling her to the ground, hands firm around their neck and he... vanishes. Form slipping away through his fingers.
And Gilded wakes.
«—»
Whispers claw at the edges of his mind, his vision blurred. Tired from pacing, eyes heavy with exhaustion, shadows lurking in the corners of his eyes. A few feet in front of him that Milo appears- that wrong, shadow like imitation of their friend. Glitch just sighs, and Milo begins to speak.
"Is it real?" Gilded lets out a short chuckle "Does any of it matter- do you?"
Glitch pauses, the words he's heard so many times settling in his brain in a different way. He's sure if anyone else were truly around they'd be able to hear the click of realisation "No," Gilded replies "it doesn't" he takes the first thing he can find out of his pocket and throws it hard at Milo. It passes directly through her form and moments later the hallucination dispels.
(For some time it's quiet- whispers stilled in surprise, waiting with bated breath for Gilded to move, to get up and move on or remain stewing in his misery)
. . .
He remains
«—»
Gilded is sick of it now, the effect of his insanity on him has weakened - perhaps that means he's entirely lost it - he no longer cares. He's exhausted, too much so to care, too much so to bother freaking out or having another break down about whatever it was. He continues to see figures, the shadows lingering, whether its the burnt shadow or the shadow of Milo he no longer shows either any care. He is simply angry.
A flicker of rage burns inside him, not enough fuel to grow, to truly burn. But enough. His new method of dealing with the hallucinations surprisingly works, sometimes he shoots his bow, a couple time he finds himself throwing his sword, having to pry it out of the wooden walls after.
Gilded is not getting better, but he cannot get worse. He has reached his rock bottom. There is no further down for glitch to go.
«—»
He misses Sparrow, he has not talked to fern enough this cycle, after Milo accidentally planted that fear of harming her big enough he's been avoiding them entirely (Milo planted that seed on purpose, full intent to keep it away from the only person who could possibly comfort gold)
«—»
Gilded finds itself in the End this time, sitting out by the void. He feels watched - it's nice. Quiet. The whispers that plagued him his whole trek here have dispersed across the vast static.
Milo appears, Gilded's hand flinches instinctively to his sword - but he allows himself to hesitate. She speaks, and they talk and Gilded is fully convinced she is real. Seeds of denial get planted though, when he doesn't know about the conversation Gilded made up: the start of their hallucinations. Not once does she show even a hint of knowing anything they've talked about throughout the cycle and Gilded cannot stand to believe it was all fake.
Regardless he lets themself be convinced, it's been so long and flare is desperate to believe they're talking to a real person; he voices his fears his worries all of it they tell Milo.
And Milo responds.
"I think you're real, Ember."
(A glimpse flashes across his vision, a screen, and then it's gone)
It's that word- that name. One he's heard once before. In that very conversation - the one he was so convinced wasn't real - so this Milo can't be either.
He draws his axe, knowing if she's real it won't go through, and if he's not it will simply dispel the hallucination as it always does.
And- it goes through. Not in the way it had hoped. The axe slices godly skin and Milo falls. Body lingering on the ground for but a moment. Red paints the yellow stone, stark and wrong. Gilded plummets, if he had managed to claw his way out of the hole he had dug (Milo had dug too, right beside him with a shovel) now he falls all the way back down.
He killed Milo (logically he knows they'll be fine, people don't stay dead- but gods aren't supposed to be killed to begin with)
Voices erupt in cacophony as he paces, gripping his axe close to his chest- getting away from the blood he needs to get away, he didn't mean to actually kill them.
Then, silence, once more.
Gilded's foot doesn't hit stone. Beneath his mask he smiles, the familiar embrace of the void greets him and glitch lets it take him, drag him down, gently drown him.
As he falls it clicks. As he wakes he does so with rage.
Gilded didn't draw the axe because they thought Milo wasn't real, Gilded put it through her neck because he knew she always was.