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Before the first big show at the Newport Josh sort of freaks out.
They’re in the basement of the shared house running through the set list before the show in two weeks.
“What if I mess up?” Josh puts his drumstick down and runs a hand through his hair.
“But you’ve played big shows before with House of Heroes” Tyler reminds him.
“Yeah but that was different. I was just filling in. This is important. Now it’s real and I’m in this for as long as you’ll have me” Josh looks up and makes eye contact with Tyler who is grinning at him.
“Forever sound good?”
Josh can’t help the smile that takes over his face. He still can’t believe that this is real and not a dream that he’ll wake up from.
He won’t ever tell Tyler about the nights he’s laid awake, looking at his phone and re-reading all the messages from Tyler to remind himself that this is really it. He’s really a part of the band.
Sometimes it just feels too good to be true.
“Okay, let’s run through Holding On To You” Tyler says, looking through his notes of a potential set list.
That Josh can do. The drums come easily to him and it’s second nature to him much like breathing.
But sometimes his mind gets fixated on something and this time it’s fixated on the thought that he going to mess up. Once that thought is planted in this brain it sticks there until he finds himself missing a beat.
To anyone else that wouldn’t be a big deal- its just one beat.
To Josh it’s as if he just played entirely the wrong song.
His breath hitches and he stops drumming. Tyler notices immediately and puts his microphone down, stepping closer to Josh.
“Hey, what’s up?”
“I just. I can’t stop thinking about if I mess up. What if I play the wrong song? O-or I forget the tempo? What if I forget everything and then the show sucks and you hate me and I…I-”
“Hey, no” Tyler cuts him off, stepping closer to Josh so that he can put his hand on Josh’s shoulder. “You need to calm down”
“But -I”
“It’s okay. Just breathe with me, alright? In and out, just follow me” Tyler makes sure Josh’s eyes are on him and that he’s matching his breathing.
It takes a couple minutes of Tyler’s soft voice- in…and out, that’s it nice and slow, in and out - before Josh can calm down and get himself back under control.
When he realises that he just had an anxiety attack about missing one beat he can almost feel his breath hitching again.
But Tyler doesn’t look mad.
“We’re in this together. I’m not going to kick you out of the band if you hit the wrong note. Would you kick me out if I sang the wrong lyrics?”
“No, but that’s different”
“How is it different?”
Josh pauses. “It’s your band. You won’t kick yourself out of your own band. But if your drummer can’t drum then you’ll have to replace him”
“Our” Tyler corrects him.
“What?”
“Our band. I won’t kick myself out of our band, and I sure as heck won’t kick you out of our band either. I don’t have what it takes to be a one man band. I need you”
For a moment Josh doesn’t even know what to say. So instead he does the only thing he can think of- he stands up from his kit and wraps his arms around Tyler’s waist, pulling him in for a hug.
Tyler hugs him back. There’s no rush as they just stand there, Tyler gently rocking them from side to side.
“Thank you. I need you too” Josh mumbles into Tyler’s shoulder before he reluctantly pulls away.
As much as he’d like to just stay in Tyler’s arms they really do need to practice.
“How about we try it again” Tyler suggests, and moves so that he’s standing behind Josh.
Josh starts the first notes and Tyler steps closer and puts his hands over Josh’s eyes. Despite the fact that he can’t see the drums he doesn’t even falter this time, his hands automatically hitting the right beats.
“If you freak out just close your eyes and concentrate on me, on my voice. I won’t let you down” Tyler promises.
“I’m taking over my body, back in control no more shotty…” Tyler sings softly from his place behind Josh. He doesn’t remove his hands from over his eyes during the whole song and Josh doesn’t miss a beat.
*
The day of the show at the Newport Josh is nervous.
They’ve practiced the songs inside and out. He knows the setlist enough to know what song comes after certain songs if he’s quizzed (which he is- Tyler will often casually ask ‘hey Josh, so what’s after Forest…?’), and he knows all the cues and changes.
He’s as ready as he’ll ever be.
And yet in the back of his mind is still that tiny little voice that says ‘yeah but what if you accidentally throw your drumstick mid song? Do you even remember the songs?’
He does his best to just ignore it, and Tyler helps. If he starts to feel the panic bubbling up behind his ribs he just looks towards Tyler and matches his breathing.
All too soon they are backstage listening to the sound of the arena filling up.
Tyler grabs his hand and squeezes it, grinning at him. “This is it…we’ve so got this”
Josh squeezes his hand back and hopes he can steal a little bit of that confidence that Tyler is seemingly overflowing with.
When its time he settles behind his kit, running his standard checks and making sure everything is still perfect.
He takes a deep breath and Tyler starts the show.
*
Once the show starts and Tyler throws everything he has into the performance Josh can feel himself getting into the swing of things.
The first two songs go smoothly and his breath feels a little easier in his chest.
Tyler speaks to the crowd after Time To Say Goodbye, telling them about the intro they want to do before their next song.
It’s a quick intro for a video Mark is shooting before he turns around and gets a shot of the crowd going nuts before they start the song.
Tyler steps up onto the platform that Josh’s drums are on and goes to stand behind him so that they are both in shot for the intro.
“Hello we’re Twenty One Pilots, welcome to the show” Tyler says into the camera as the room is quiet, waiting for their cue to cheer.
Just as Mark is about to turn around and focus on the crowd someone screams out “JOSH FUCKING DUN” and the lights flood the crowd and they go wild.
The piano kicks in and Josh hits the snare, starting off Holding On To You. He’s got this.
Before Tyler jumps off the stage he lingers behind Josh, his hands coming up to cover his eyes.
Josh can’t help but smile as his hands take over starting up the familiar drum beat that he doesn’t need to look to play.
“I’m taking over my body back in control no more shotty” Josh can almost imagine that Tyler is speaking the words just to him with how close he’s standing.
“I fought it a lot and it seems…” Tyler removed his hands from Josh’s eyes and Josh closed them. He wasn’t sure if Tyler could see it but he wanted to show Tyler just how much he trusted him, trusted his voice.
He gives it his all hitting the drums with renewed confidence. Tyler believed he could do it, so he can.
When it comes to the lines ‘and I’ll be holding on to you’ Josh sings along even though he doesn’t have a microphone.
After the song he opens his eyes and looks across to see that Tyler is looking right at him, pointing to him as the crowd goes crazy.
For the rest of the show Josh feels like his face will split open with how much he can’t stop smiling.
Out of all the gigs he’s ever played this will always stick in his memory as his favourite.
There was something about the energy and confidence that Tyler was bringing to the stage that he couldn’t help but want to bask in.
All too soon they were heading backstage, grabbing bottles of water and towels they tried to catch their breath.
“That was sick!” Mark called, moving in to give Tyler a high five. “I’ve definitely got enough footage to make something cool” he said, putting his camera in his bag and heading off to collect the rest of his wires and equipment.
They made their way outside to grab some air and they managed to find a quiet spot where it was just them leaning against the wall.
“Thanks” Josh nudged Tyler with his elbow and Tyler turned to look at him.
“I told you, I won’t let you down”
“I know. I trust you” Josh admitted. “I want to do this forever with you”
“Forever sounds good”