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The rain started just after sunset. Lucy, and the rest of the team had just returned from patrol and were changing out. Lucy was one of the last to join everyone in the bullpen.
The storm has really picked up and Lt. Grey decided it was unsafe to leave, forcing everyone inside to stay overnight. Finding my desk, I hear Angela talking about something her son Jack did. “And then Jackson looked me dead in the eyes and threw his spaghetti on the floor. And laughed. I’m raising a tiny delinquent.”
Lucy forced a smile, it didn’t quite reach her eyes, “Maybe he’s into physical comedy.”
Angela laughed, but Lucy’s focus was somewhere else. Her back had been bothering her all day, the past couple days really. It just feels like slight cramps.
She shifted in her seat but the pain didn't go away.
Across the room, Tim looks up at Lucy. He can tell when she is trying to push through something that she shouldn’t. She looks away before he has the chance to say anything.
“I’m going to go grab water,” Lucy mumbles as she stands too fast.
A wave of dizziness hits and her vision gets spotty. Lucy uses the desk to brace herself waiting until the world stops spinning before she tries to move.
Angela stood up, noticing Lucy’s state, “You okay?”
“Yeah,” Lucy says. Keeping her voice even. “Didn’t eat dinner.”
Angela frowned, but didn’t press her.
In the breakroom, the lights flicker again. The storm is raging outside. Reports say roads are gridlocked, no one is getting anywhere right now. Lucy grabs a bottle of water from the fridge. Her stomach cramps up again, this time tightening more. It hurts more than the last one did.
She thinks to herself that this is just her body telling her she needs to slow down.
Stress, sleep deprivation and hormones , she thinks. Plus, she’s due for her period soon so it’s probably that as well. It’s been irregular recently, but she’s had a lot on her plate so she hasn’t been worried about it.
She's turning around when another cramp hits her. This one hurts. Like really hurts. She braces herself on the table in front of her when she feels it. A warmth down her legs. It’s wet and soaking her pants.
Oh god did I just pee myself? She thinks to herself. Her legs feel weak like she needs to sit down
She’s moved herself against a wall and is sliding down it as she hears an unmistakable voice, “Lucy?” Nyla says walking into the break room, quickly she surveys the situation and asks, “What happened?”
Lucy looks up at her, worry clear in her face, “Somethings wrong.”
Nyla looks around to figure out what happened, she notices the way Lucy is holding her stomach and her wet pants. She clocks what’s going on immediately and is trying to come up with a plan in her head.
Angela walks in the room and similarly to Nyla, immediately puts together what’s going on, “Oh my god- Lucy- you’re in labor?”
Lucy shakes her head vehemently, “No. I’m not– I’m not pregnant.” She denies it
Nyla doesn’t waste any time, “Contractions?” She asks as Lucy clenches her fist, clearly in pain.
Lucy breathes out then says, “No.” Her voice is calm. Too calm. “It just hurts”
‘You’re in labor,” Nyla says gently. “I know that sounds insane, but it happens. Cryptic pregnancies.”
Lucy dryly laughs, “No I would’ve known. I would’ve. I’m observant and trained. I would’ve felt something.”
Angela crouches beside her, “You’ve had symptoms. You just wrote them off. We’ve all seen it. You’re constantly pushing through.”
Lucy flinched as another contraction hit. She bent forward as she gasps. Sweat is starting to bead above her brow.
“I don’t want help,” I say as soon as the pain begins to stop, “I don’t want anyone touching me.”
Nyla nods slowly, “Okay. We’ll stay close. But you’re doing this here, the roads have flooded. No EMS. We’re stuck here.”
Lucy leans her head against the wall, “This wasn’t supposed to happen.”
———————
Nyla and Angela set up a place for Lucy to be more comfortable. They grab blankets, towels, flashlights, and a pillow.
The power goes out around midnight.
Lucy has moved to the couch, and is laying on her side with her arms tightly wrapped around her. She's squeezing her fists and clenching her jaw from the contractions. She doesn’t scream.
Angela and Nyla are watching her closely, they let her have her distance but are keeping an eye on her contractions. They’er coming faster and stronger.
Tim has come in, Angela told him what was going on and warned him how Lucy’s doing. She doesn’t look at him.
“Leave.”
He doesn’t.
“Lucy,” Tim says, kneeling close to her, “I’m staying.”
“I don’t want you here.”
“I know.”
“The go.”
“No.”
With that, Lucy turned to face the wall.
Another contraction hit her almost immediately after, this has been the worst one so far. She grips the couch, letting out a pained groan.
Angela stepped forward, a towel in her hand, “Lucy, your body is getting ready to push. I need to help positions–”
“ Don’t touch me.” Lucy’s voice cracks, she recoils from Angela like she’d been burned.
Nyla shares a look with Angela, but backs off.
Tim stays right where he is. “You can hate me after this. Never speak to me again. But, Lucy- I’m not walking out of this room while you’re doing the hardest thing of your life.”
Lucy turns back to face Tim, she doesn’t say anything. Doesn’t get the chance before she is hit with another contraction. Tears are streaming down her face, she doesn’t bother to wipe them.
“I can’t do this,” she whispers.
“You already are.” Nyla says coming closer.
“I don’t want them-” she says voice shaking, “I don’t even feel them. I just feel… empty.”
“That’s not shameful, that’s okay to feel.” Nyla says, taking the towel from Angela and gently wiping Lucy’s forehead. She flinches away at first but doesn’t stop her. “That’s survival. You’ve been in survival mode for so long, you’ve forgotten what it’s like to feel something.”
“I’m not ready.”
“You don’t have to be.”
Lucy looks at Tim, she doesn’t speak. She looks numb.
Another contraction– this one was long and almost unbearable. She couldn’t fight against it anymore, her body took over. Fully sobbing now, taking Tim’s hand instinctively as he offers it to squeeze.
Angela knelt in front of her, “You’re almost there. Keep going Lucy, we’ve got you.”
Tim holds her hand tight, “You’re doing so good Luce, I’m so proud of you.”
Lucy screamed– it sounded primal. “I’m not supposed to be this person! I’m not supposed to have a baby right now.” She sobs
“No one said you have to be,” Tim says as he brushes her hair out of her face. “You just have to be here, right now, and that’s enough.”
The final contraction took everything out of her.
Suddenly a small piercing cry makes itself known.
Angela catches the baby, she moves quickly.
“She’s okay.” She tells everyone in the room. “Strong lungs too.”
Lucy doesn’t ask to hold her.
She doesn’t look.
Tim approaches Angela, who hands him his daughter– his daughter! He sits on the floor holding their daughter next to Lucy.
Lucy doesn’t look at him or their daughter. She stares at the ceiling.
“It’s ok to feel this way right now Lucy,” Time reassures her, “You just went through an incredibly painful experience that you had no time to plan for. You’re here and I’m so proud of you.”
Lucy finally looks at the baby, her daughter.
She doesn’t smile or cry.
But something changed in her.
She reached out, slowly, and touched her baby's hand. It instinctively closed around her pointer finger.
And for the first time in hours, she exhaled.