Work Text:
Too many hurtful things had been said to pretend not to. And apologizing for something she had said, which was also true, had always seemed wrong. Except, was it true that she’d be willing to lose Ava to have this? Or was it true that her career was declining rapidly and that without her voice and inspiration she’d be doing the same little number over and over again?
She certainly wouldn’t be here. I would never have told anyone that I wanted this. She wouldn’t even have confessed it to herself. She wouldn’t have been invited to Late Night without the impetus of the special behind it. And the truth was, it was about more than all of that. It was the way Ava made her laugh. The way she felt like she was seeing things for the first time when they were together. She missed that. She missed her. She missed that “we” that only they were able to understand.
I needed to tell her. To tell her that she was angry, but that she had never wanted to push her so far away. That I didn’t want to lose her. That I couldn’t lose her. That I needed her, and not just professionally. I needed to talk to her, but not on the phone. She needed to see her and talk about this. It had taken the point of Ava disappearing for her to realize it, but she didn’t plan to leave it at that.
She couldn’t believe what was happening. Things had gone wrong between them, but somehow Deborah thought Ava would always be there. But, everyone was leaving, how had she forgotten that? How stupid she had been to let her guard down.
Deborah knew she hadn’t come to that alone. The things she had said, the things they had both said. All those hurtful, impulsive words. She had meant them at the time, but now she missed having someone by her side, cheering her on. Ava had been there, still trying. But she had been too angry to feel her support. And now she had succeeded as usual. She was alone again.
She had already reached the point marked by her iPhone, where Ava would supposedly be. When she reached the shore, she saw in the distance a short-haired woman wading into the sea. Fear consumed her. Only one thing kept repeating in her head, “Ava. Ava. Ava. Ava.” The possibility of not being able to tell her everything she wanted, of never seeing her again, of never laughing with her again. Something clicked in her head and when she realized it, she was almost into the sea.
D: “Ava, no! No, for God’s sake no! You can’t swim! Ava! Ava! No, no!”
She waded into the sea in her favourite coat and her house sandals, which she hadn’t even changed out of when she got out, and when she got to her, it turned out not to be Ava.
Her heart, which had been cringing the whole time, relaxed as if releasing a stress ball. She came out of the water completely frozen and heard someone call out to her.
A: “Deborah?! What are you doing?”
D: “Looking for you! I thought you were drowning.” Deborah tried to sound as calm as she could, trying to pretend she hadn’t just had a near heart attack at the thought of losing her, for real this time.
A: “Please don’t!”
D: “You’ve blown the barrier, and disappeared.”
A: “Yeah, I’m not suicidal I just want to die.”
D: “What?!”
A: “Hey I’m not going to do anything to myself, ok, and if I was going to kill myself I wouldn’t do it Virginia Woolf style by going into the freezing water, I would do it with pills or an explosive belt, so that it would be seen live.” They said the latter in unison.
A: “Fuck, you have purple lips, come on, oh god.”
________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
They were on the terrace of a bar talking while Deborah was trying to warm up.
D: “I promise I’ll make it up to you.”
A: “Don’t say that, don’t say that, when you say it I want to believe you, but you always fail me.” Seeing the pain in Ava’s eyes saying that made her realize how much she had hurt her without intending to, her own tears built up almost immediately just from seeing her like that.
D: “Not now, not this time.”
A: “I can’t trust you.”
D: “I understand that you feel this way, but I beg you, what do I have to do? Go back in the sea? I will.” I needed Ava to understand how seriously I meant all that.
A: “Even if I went back to work, I don’t know if I would be able to do it, I don’t know what your voice is anymore.”
D: “You are my voice.” It was the most sincere and real thing Deborah had ever said, and for some reason, saying it out loud just made her overcome with an almost uncontrollable urge to kiss her.
A: “But I just hate you.” And even though deep down she knew Ava didn’t feel that way, it gave her heart a little pinch to hear it from her.
D: “Ah, so what, like so many, you are a very dynamic community.” She said with a laugh, trying to go back a bit to what they were before, because there is nothing more painful than feeling that you have lost what you had with the person you used to laugh with every day.
A: “I can’t write something that millions of people will like.”
D: “It was a mistake to focus on them, it doesn’t have to be for them, it has to be for us. We may not raise our heads, so… at least let’s have fun.”
A: “Yeah… it’s been a while since I’ve had fun.”
D: “Yeah, neither have I.”
A: “I guess I’ll have to make fun of Stacey with someone.”
D: “How do you tell someone in HR to use deodorant? It’s a trap.”
A: “I told her, she said she doesn’t sweat that much and she doesn’t need it, and I was thinking: oh no, it’s not your thing, it’s ours, don’t you think?”
And there it was, that laughter, that complicity, that shared sense of humor, as if time had not passed and the damage had never been done.
________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
After they had drunk the whole bottle of champagne and arrived, albeit that way, at Deborah’s house, they walked in and stopped laughing, looked at each other, and Ava was the first to look down.
A: “Well, I think I should go, you need to rest.”
She started to turn but Deborah grabbed her arm stopping her.
D: “So what if I don’t want to rest?”
Deborah saw that same look of desire in Ava, she knew she didn’t feel it alone, and she didn’t know if it was the champagne or the roller coaster of emotions she had been carrying all day, but suddenly being left wanting to do something she had been wanting to do longer than she would ever admit was not in her plans.
A: “So what do you want?”
D: “You.”
It was the last thing she said before she slammed Ava against the door and kissed her with all the desire and awkwardness she had in her.
It was the first time she had ever felt anything for a woman, but she was tired of repressing what she wanted, and what she knew Ava wanted too.
________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
They were in Deborah’s bed and Ava continued what Deborah had started in the doorway.
Ava’s POV
Slowly, Deborah opened her mouth and I slipped my tongue in. Leaning against her, I felt her heartbeat, and felt my body scream for more as my hands explored hers, which under my hands seemed carved by the fucking gods.
She collapsed against the bed and I fell on top of her, our mouths still entwined. We finally broke apart, I fell onto my elbows and smiled. Our gazes met and she blushed adorably as she smiled sheepishly back at me. Our breasts brushed against each other.
But would she want to go further? “D,” I said softly. “Do you want to?”
Her eyes widened and I couldn’t help but stifle a giggle.
D: “You want to?”
A: “I’d better not tell you how long I’ve wanted to,” I replied.
I studied her face, anxious — was I pushing her, was she ready?
D: “I… I don’t know how it goes with a woman, you know that,” she said quietly, her face flushed. “But fuck Ava, I need you right now, I wasn’t aware of how much, and I don’t know if it will be the champagne speaking for me but it’s what I want.”
My heart raced.
A: “I need you to say it louder, what do you want?” Her face reddened and she looked away, then looked back at me and with that fucking seductive look that only she knew how to give, she said:
D: “I need you to fuck me.”
More than happy, I got off her and knelt on the side of the bed, took off my clothes and knelt in my underwear. She followed me, unbuttoning her shirt. I was mesmerized. Her tits were just as I had imagined them and the nipples I could tell were rock hard, and I felt myself getting wet. I helped her unbutton and remove her skirt. Slowly, I kissed the inside of her thighs and moved to her crotch as she moaned softly. When my face reached her pussy, her breathing quickened. I reached out and gingerly put my fingers in her panties. She was soaking wet.
I waited a few seconds.
D: “Ava,” she said between gasps, “go on.”
I kissed her as if I wanted to get inside her. Steal her breath. Take it all.
My hands went down. Her panties slid down her thighs with a wet sound.
My fingers found her already wet.
A: “Look at you,” she hissed, satisfied. “All this for me?”
Omniscient Narrator
Ava couldn’t believe this was really happening, that it was real. But it is. It’s all real. She was about to fuck Deborah Vance and this time it wasn’t one of the many erotic dreams she’d had since that first one.
A moan escaped Deborah’s throat, involuntary.
Then another.
She admired Deborah’s bare tits and couldn’t control the urge to suck on them, so she did, first grabbing one and running her tongue slowly over her already hard nipple. Deborah arched up completely and let out a grunt as she felt Ava’s hot tongue on her nipple. She looked up to see Deborah’s face and almost came just from having that view. Deborah looked down and their eyes met, Ava smiled in the most lewd way Deborah had ever seen and took her entire nipple into her mouth. Deborah couldn’t help but moan, Ava began to make circles with her tongue as she pinched the other nipple with her hand. Deborah felt she had never experienced as much pleasure as she had in these minutes with Ava — no man had ever known how to touch her even repeating more than once, and that 29-year-old girl was making her go up to the stars and never want to come down.
Ava kept playing with Deborah’s nipples, sucking hard on one and releasing it, giving little bites that made Deborah almost jump from pleasure. When she was done, Ava ran her tongue over her lips without taking her eyes off Deborah’s, who was already breathing frantically. She felt that just with what Ava had done to her, she could have already come, but she wanted to experience much more — and she wanted Ava not to hesitate to do whatever she wanted with her.
When she got all the way down, Ava shed the last remaining article of clothing on Deborah’s body. She reveled in what she saw and automatically started salivating — she couldn’t wait to find out how Deborah tasted. So many times she had dreamed of being between her legs, and it was finally coming true. When she had her in front of her, she ran her tongue slowly all over her pussy. Deborah at this point kept moaning and clutching at the sheets. But Ava wanted her to hold onto her, to sense her desperation, so she guided Deborah’s hand into her hair, making Ava keep her head there.
Deborah was hot, wet, a heady mix. And Ava had never felt so alive. She slid, flicked, slipped her tongue in where she pleased, explored.
Deborah moaned, slow, sure. Her hand sank into Ava’s hair, sometimes pushing it, sometimes holding it back.
The voice was a desperate whisper:
D: “Yes, like that, right there, fuck Ava.”
And Ava did just as she asked.
She licked, she sucked, she searched for that spot until Deborah’s body tensed in a choked moan, her thighs closed over her head, her fingers clutched at her hair.
Deborah came against her mouth. And she kissed her soon after, still dirty, still trembling.
She took Ava’s face in her hands, Deborah kissed her with everything she had, tasting herself in the kiss. She had just experienced one of the best orgasms of her life, if not the best — and the culprit was looking at her like she was the sexiest being on the face of the earth.
A: “You have no idea how fucking hot you are, and how good you taste.”
D: “Oh yeah?”
A: “Mmjmmmm…”
D: “You ain’t seen nothing yet.”
She said before quickly turning over their bodies, leaving Ava underneath, who let out a gasp of surprise.
Deborah began repeating Ava’s movements over her breasts — she bit, sucked, and licked her nipples until they were so sensitive they hurt. Ava was a mess of uncontrollable gasps and moans. With tousled hair and rosy cheeks, Deborah thought there was no sexier sight than this, and she was sure there wouldn’t be.
She began to move her hand down until she reached Ava’s entrance, and began making small circles over her clit.
Once Ava was completely soaked and almost dripping, Deborah carefully slid two fingers inside her, probing her walls. She searched for that place inside her, eyes fixed on her body, looking for signs like a doomsayer looking for the end of time.
Her pale breasts, so full, heaved and her thighs trembled. One of her hands clung to the sheets, the other to Deborah’s neck. Her fingertips found that spot, that subtle change in texture, and tore a long moan from Ava’s lips. Deborah stroked that spot with a motion that was fucking expert, as if that wasn’t the first time she’d done it, until Ava’s hips jerked against her hand.
Deborah began to increase the speed of her movements, adding a third finger. Ava kept screaming — thank heavens Josephine had gone to attend DJ’s delivery, otherwise it would have been a scandal by now. Ava had her head arched back and her eyes closed; Deborah made her look at her.
D: “I want you to look at me, I want you to keep looking at me while I fuck you.”
A: “Fuck, Deborah, you’re going to kill me.”
Hearing Ava moan her name like that was doing things to her that she couldn’t explain in words at the moment.
Deborah increased the speed of her fingers even more, if she could. She could feel her hand and arm plunging into a major cramp, but she couldn’t care less about that at the moment. She could only focus on the utterly desperate look on Ava’s face watching her, the trembling of her body, her moans…
A: “Fuck, Deborah, like that, go on, go on —god.”
A: “God, D, I can’t take it anymore, I’m going to cum.”
D: “Only when I say so.”
Deborah stretched it out as long as she could. It was torture for both of them. When she knew Ava’s orgasm would hit her with absolute force, only then did she let her cum.
Deborah reveled in how Ava pulled roughly on her. How her voice was lost between a scream and a moan. How her pussy pressed against her hand, chasing the culmination of her orgasm. How her body trembled delicately. How her thighs clenched. How her walls contracted around her fingers, covering them.
All of it. She loved every moment, etching every detail in her retina.
When Ava came, Deborah carefully withdrew her fingers and sucked them off one by one, moaning in pleasure. Then, with the taste of her in her mouth, she kissed her softly and they both smiled tiredly.
They snuggled under the sheets, still naked—there would be time to get dressed. Right now they just wanted to feel close, skin to skin.
A: “Thank you for going into the sea to save me, even if it wasn’t me. I never thought you would be able to do something like that for me.”
D: “And be the one left holding the bag because you killed yourself over a work problem? No thanks — that would’ve haunted me for the rest of my career”.
She said, and they both laughed in unison.
They didn’t know how it would all go on when they woke up, but they knew that as long as they had each other, they would find out, together.