Work Text:
You booked the night train for a reason
So you could sit there in this hurt
Bustling crowds or silent sleepers
You're not sure which is worse
december 14th, 2024:
"Are you sure you're—"
"I'll be fine."
"Megumi..."
"You don't have to worry about me. That should be easy for you."
That stung. Megumi stood in front of you, jaw tight and avoiding your eyes as he pretended to study the Yokohama train schedule. He was off back to Tokyo. He insisted on booking a train ticket ASAP. Not that you blamed him; you knew why he wouldn't want to stay around you. It wouldn't be a long ride, but it would be a ride he needed.
You had met him as a freshman, your first year in Tokyo. Your first time away from home in general.
Four years of being together, and this is how it ends. All because you couldn't say yes.
And now you're left to stare at his back as he tries to keep his hands from trembling, suitcases at his feet filled with all of the things he had left at your home from his break visits over the years.
Your heart screamed in your chest, begging him not to leave.
Your mouth remained sewn shut.
He deserved better than someone who could never fully be his, and you weren't so heartless as to attempt to trap him in your misery.
But that wouldn't stop you from trying to comfort him.
"I still care about you. That's not why—"
"Just don't. You've done enough. You've said enough," he snaps, cutting you off again.
His tone was sharp enough to cut straight through you. All you could do was stand there and take it. He had every right, and it's still probably kinder than you deserved.
You just wish he'd turn around and look at you.
The request dies before it can leave your mind because you know you're in no place to make it.
The screeching of metal interrupted the silence between you as his train finally arrived, the last one of the night. Through the windows, you could see only a few other passengers, mostly sleeping and spaced out far away from each other. You knew he wouldn't sleep. He would sit there, in the back, with only the rumbling of transport as the backing track to his thoughts.
Would he have preferred a livelier space so he could blend in with the crowd? Or did he need the dead of night to let it sink in?
The doors opened in front of him, and he stepped forward without sparing you a parting glance.
You want to reach out to him one last time.
You hear his voice before the doors close. "Be good to yourself."
Then you're left to watch him through the windows, making his way to the seats in the back, and you swear you can see the mist forming in his eyes when he finally looks at you as the train begins to move.
"I'm sorry, Megumi."
Because I dropped your hand while dancing
Left you out there standing
Crestfallen on the landing
Champagne problems
Your mom's ring in your pocket
My picture in your wallet
Your heart was glass, I dropped it
Champagne problems
december 7th, 2024, night:
How did this go so wrong?
You had been happy just a day ago. Or at least, he thought you had been happy.
"She left?"
He looks up, his eyes landing on Yuuji, who looks down at him with eyes swimming in pity. Megumi looks away quickly as if the mere sight of Itadori Yuuji pitying him burned to his core.
"Yeah. Said she thinks we both could use some space and time to process." Megumi laughs bitterly. "As if that would make this any less fucked."
His suit digs into his skin uncomfortably as he sits hunched over on the steps outside of the apartment building. His necktie has already been undone, yanked carelessly from its knot, and left dangling around his shoulders in the cold December wind.
"I thought she loved me..."
Yuuji shifts his weight, unsure of what to say that could comfort his best friend. The usual positive attitude would be inappropriate given the circumstances.
"I think she did," he finally settles on. Megumi scoffs.
He can't let himself believe that. It would only make the crushing feeling in his chest worse.
A moment of silence passes between the two of them. Yuuji waits and lets him be the one to break it.
"She said she was sorry." Megumi looks off into the distance ahead of him, her footprints still in the streetlight-lit snow path leading away from the building. Remnants of a ghost. "I ask her to marry me, and she says she's sorry."
Yuuji watches his friend but doesn't respond. It doesn't feel like he was meant to.
Megumi fishes his mom's ring out of his pocket and holds it up in the dim light. He stares at it, mourning for a different reason this time. "Guess I should put this back in the safe."
"So that's it? You're not gonna try and see if you guys can fix this?" Yuuji asks.
"What's to fix? She said no. Seems like a pretty solid answer to me."
Yuuji's shoulders slump. This isn't how tonight was supposed to go. His friend was supposed to be dancing the night away with his new fiancée with that smile that only she could bring out of him, and he was supposed to be making fun of them the whole night through.
Megumi pulls out his wallet and opens it, his fingers carefully extracting a folded-up picture of the girl who just brought his world to a screeching halt. His eyes scan every centimeter of the laminated square as if he's committing it to memory for the last time. He holds it up to Yuuji. "Can you get rid of this for me?"
Yuuji takes the photo from him without another word.
You told your family for a reason
You couldn't keep it in
Your sister splashed out on the bottle
Now no one's celebrating
december 7th, 2024, evening:
You were attending a party with Megumi's friends and family, your own being back in Yokohama and you both would be visiting them in a few days. Christmas spirit was beginning to swirl in the air as a few windowsills were already decorated with string lights and tinsel. He gripped the strap of his bag slung over his shoulder, his other hand holding yours as he had led you over the frost-covered sidewalk, up the steps to the apartment building he used to live in with his sister before going off to dorm at the very school where you two had met.
It was a small town outside of Tokyo. He was reluctant to leave his sister, but he had wanted freedom and new experiences.
Speaking of Tsumiki, she stood at the top of the steps with a glowing smile on her face that rivaled the rays of the setting sun bouncing off the snowy ground around you. She squeals and rushes down the steps with her arms wide open, pushing past Megumi to wrap you in her warm embrace. He grumbles indignantly, but the smile pulling at the corners of his lips betrays him.
"I'm so excited you're here! I made your favorites, ume onigiri for you and anything with ginger in it for Megu-chan!"
You giggle as Megumi blushes at the nickname, rubbing the back of his neck and studying the cracks in the foundation of the building. He notes that an inspector should probably come out to look at the old structure before it crumbles down with his sister in it.
Tsumiki pulls you into the building, leaving Megumi to trail in behind you both. She excitedly chatters about this and that on the way up before opening the door to her apartment, and you're greeted by the familiar faces of Megumi's friends and family.
"What are you all doing here?" You ask joyfully, not expecting such a large occasion. Kugisaki comes over to sweep you into the room and away from Tsumiki and Megumi.
Tsumiki looks at her younger stepbrother with a giddy smile. "So?"
He avoids her eyes, suddenly nervous. He fiddles with the velvet box in his pocket. He had stuffed it in there when you were too busy packing to notice. "Yeah, I have it."
She squeals again, and he quickly shushes her, checking to make sure that you hadn't heard. You're still preoccupied with Kugisaki as she berates Itadori for something. Your laughter finds his ears across the room, and his stomach erupts into butterflies.
Tsumiki nudges him, and he pries his eyes off of you. "You're daydreaming again, little brother."
He scowls, cheeks red. "Shut up. It's an important night. If all goes well—"
"It will," she cuts him off, not letting him think of the alternative. "She's special. I can feel it. You picked a good one, Megu."
He smiles softly, a sense of relief that he didn't know was missing flooding his system. "Thanks."
"And come!" Tsumiki drags him by the arm into the small kitchen where all the appetizers sit, ready to be served. "Look what your big sis got you!"
She pulls out a bottle of clear sparkling sake. Megumi's eyes widen. He takes the bottle from her, observing the ornate decorations that clearly show how expensive it was. "How much did you spend on this?"
She waves her hand dismissively. "Don't worry about that. Think of it as an engagement present from the best sister ever."
He shushes her again, hastily looking out the window into the living room. She smacks his arm. "Relax! Everything will be perfect. She's going to be so surprised!"
"Well, I hate to break it to you, sis," he unzips the bag he's been carrying and pulls out a bottle of Dom Pérignon. Tsumiki's eyes bug out of her head as she snatches it from him, ignoring his hissed 'be careful!'
She whines. "No fair!"
He chuckles, and a genuine smile crosses his features. Tsumiki stores the bottle away with her, now less exciting, bottle of sparkling sake. Dinner goes smoothly, mostly filled with Tsumiki stealing your attention because she 'missed you so much'. In reality she was covering for every time Megumi had to go make sure something or another was in order for later on.
Music fills the air as tipsy friends mingle and sway in the living room and Megumi, unsurprisingly sober but surprisingly jittery, holds your hands as you drag him into another dance. It's your favorite song. It's the cue.
"I, um, have something to ask you." He fidgets with your fingers.
"What is it?" You ask, intertwining your fingers with his to pull his attention away from your digits and back to your pink tinged face.
His mouth goes dry, heart thumping in his ears. "I am so in love with you."
You giggle, raising an eyebrow teasingly. "That's a question?"
"No! No, it's not—that's not what I meant—" he hurriedly spits out, panic crossing his face for a moment before you're cupping his cheeks and laughing.
"I'm kidding!" you gasp out and he relaxes.
"Don't do that," he breathes out.
"What did you want to ask?" You look into his eyes, your own still full of humor at his flustered state.
He takes a deep breath. Time seems to slow. You can barely process the words coming out of his mouth as he gets down on one knee and the room falls silent around you both, the hopeful eyes of his friends and family watching your every move.
Your smile falls as the words 'will you marry me?' fall from his lips. Time stops.
You take your hands away from his. He looks confused, then he tries to laugh, and then he looks scared.
"Megumi..." It's all you can say for a good second. He seems frozen like the pulse in your veins that you haven't been able to feel since his knee touched the ground. "I'm sorry."
Dom Pérignon, you brought it
No crowd of friends applauded
Your hometown skeptics called it
Champagne problems
You had a speech, you're speechless
Love slipped beyond your reaches
And I couldn't give a reason
Champagne problems
Someone gasps.
"Oh no, no, no, please get up, Megumi." You beg him. You're not sure why you're begging. You don't risk looking around at the faces you're sure are filled with shock and horror.
"What?" he asks, dumbfounded. He lets you pull him up from the ground. His ears are ringing and it's making him slightly lightheaded, but he lets you because he hasn't realized the severity of the situation yet. He's in shock, his thoughts nothing but a buzz in his head. Maybe they're just going too fast for him to keep up with.
"Please can we go somewhere private, I'm sorry." You tug him outside into the hall, grabbing your coat on the way out. You knew that, no matter what, you weren't going to be staying here after.
He turns to face you once you're in the hallway, far enough away from the apartment door. "What's going on?"
"Megumi, I'm sorry. I-I can't marry you. I love you so much—"
"Then why not?"
You freeze. His voice is suddenly very calm and focused. He's staring at you with those guarded eyes that you haven't seen since freshman year before the day you told him you weren't leaving him alone.
You never guessed you'd circle right back to where you had started.
"What?" you ask, dumbly.
"Why can't you marry me if you love me?"
"I... I don't know."
"You don't... know...?" He repeats back to you, spitting the words out like venom.
You shake your head, your wide eyes never leaving his. "I-I mean... no. I don't know, Megumi. I love you so much, but I... I can't marry you right now."
"Then when?"
The question catches you off guard. "When?"
"If not now, when can you?" You swear you can see water starting to pool in his eyes but you know he won't let it overflow right now.
"Megumi—"
"No. If you 'can't' marry me right now, then when can you? Should I have waited longer?" You realize he's pleading with you. Don't do this, his eyes beg.
"No... I... I don't think I can give you an answer to that, Megumi." He shakes his head, a humorless laugh escaping him.
"It's been four years."
"You think I don't realize that?"
"It's been four years and you don't know when you'll be ready to marry me?" He sounds like it's the most unbelievable thing he's ever heard. And honestly, it is for the both of you. For everyone who knew you.
Basically since you met, there was no Megumi without you. His presence orbiting around you was a staple that everyone knew about. How could they not? Megumi never orbited anyone. He repelled anyone who tried to get to close to him, except for the ones who wouldn't leave despite his constant attempts to make them, like Itadori.
He throws his hands up and begins to pace and you realize you've just been staring at him wordlessly.
"Megumi, stop—"
"No! That's bullshit. How could you do this to me? To us? How could you tell me you love me and do this?" His voice cracks and it shatters something inside you. Something where your heart should be.
"I do love you." Tears have started spilling down your cheeks before you even realize you started crying.
"Do you? Not enough, I guess." He shrugs, but his tone is anything but casual. He can't look at you now that you're crying.
"Don't say that." You're pleading with him now. "Don't do this."
"You don't get to say that."
"Megumi, please. I don't want to lose you. Not like this."
"Then how do you want to lose me? What did you think would happen?" He almost mocks you. He's too hurt to notice.
"That's not fair!"
He slams his hand against the wall. You wince, knowing he'll feel that after the anger has run out.
"What's not fair is I have loved you for four years. God, you're the first person I've ever loved outside of my sister. The first person I've ever trusted to fucking stick around. Because you told me you would. You're one hell of a fucking actress." You feel that shattered thing in your chest twist and the shards lodge into your ribcage.
"I meant it when I said it, Megumi, please, can we just take a second? We can't talk like this." You sob as you speak, despite your attempts to keep your voice steady.
"I don't need a second, I need an explanation," he demands.
"I don't have one for you!" Your voice is louder this time and he pauses. You try to take a deep breath in this space he left open. "I think we just need some space and time to process what just happened. Then we can figure out where to go from here."
He shakes his head, finally looking you in the eye. There's nothing but hurt looking back at you. "You take all the time you need. I know my answer is yes. This isn't about me. This is about you and whatever thing you've got going in your fucking head. You're self sabotaging and you know it."
You cross your arms as if that can sheild you from him. "Don't psychoanalyze me, Megumi."
He steps closer. "You've done it before. And then you always realize it and come back to fix things. How are you gonna fix this one?" Please, fix this one, he silently begs. His last attempt to get you to admit that this was all just one big, sick joke.
"I can't. Megumi, I'm sorry. I can't marry you. I do love you so much, but I just can't say yes. It wouldn't be fair to either one of us." He starts to say something, to protest, but you continue anyway. "You deserve a wholehearted yes. And if I can't do that, then I shouldn't lie to you and make you think I can."
He stares at you, the last shred of hope fading from his heart and you can see it happening in front of you with each passing second. You step back, his proximity suffocating you in a way it never has.
"I think I should go... I'm sorry. I'll catch the train back to school."
He reaches out to you but he doesn't come closer this time. "You can't walk to the train station alone, you've been drinking."
"Then I'll have someone pick me up." You pull out your phone and the face ID unlocks it, but he speaks again before you can swipe up on the screen.
"If you go... then this is all over." His voice is barely above a whisper and your thumb hovers over the screen. You can feel his eyes boring into you but you know that if you look up now, you'll crumble completely. You swipe up on the screen and tap the Contacts icon, typing in Miwa's name.
"I don't think this is something that can get resolved right now. Even if we could, I can't walk back in there after that."
He steps closer this time. "So that's it? I go back in there alone to a party that was meant for the both of us?"
You look up at him as you hit the call button.
"I'm sorry."
Your Midas touch on the Chevy door
November flush and your flannel cure
"This dorm was once a madhouse"
I made a joke, "Well, it's made for me"
4 years ago, November 27th, 2020:
He holds the door open for you on the old Chevy like it's your personal chariot. You curtsey as you pass him, giggling with rosy cheeks.
"Why thank you, kind sir."
He chuckles and closes the door behind you. "Shut up."
He rounds the truck and gets into the driver's seat, turning his key in the ignition and turning on the heater immediately. You shiver as the vents blow out a gust of cool air at the start. He notices. He seems to always notice everything you do. He shrugs off his flannel and drapes it over you without asking. Not that you would tell him no anyway, it was heavy and warm and smelled like him which was always a bonus. You fight back a smile as he tries to discreetly blow on his hands to warm them up.
"Thanks for giving me a ride, you're my hero," you say. You're already reaching for the cord to plug your phone into the radio, like you always do. He lets you, like he always does.
"You don't have to thank me for not letting you freeze on your way home." He's trying to act nonchalant despite the flutter in his chest at the thought of being the one to save you from the cold outside.
You grin up at him. "I know, but I will anyway. You could've made me ride with Itadori."
"No sense in putting you through two life-threatening situations."
You laugh and he swears it's more melodic than anything you could've been playing on his radio.
"But you let Kugisaki go with him and we live in the same dorm."
"Kugisaki isn't allowed in my car anymore after the last time."
You look down at the center seat to see there's still a faint stain in the cloth from an ice cream crepe. She thought he was joking when he said he'd ban her from rides if she got even a drop of ice cream on his seats.
"Poor girl," you click your tongue and shake your head as if it's a great loss, "really, she's missing out."
He scowls. "Maybe I should have made you ride with Itadori."
You scooch into the center seat and lean closer to him, grinning again. "Oh don't say that! You like my company, admit it."
"What makes you say that?"
"The air is warm now and you still haven't started driving," you state teasingly.
His eyes widen and snap to yours, cheeks turning red but not because of the cold. You hold his gaze, challenging him to deny it. He scoffs and looks away. "That doesn't mean anything," he mutters. You smile triumphantly.
He puts the truck in reverse and backs out of the spot, driving slowly out of the nearly empty library parking lot. You look out the window at the bare trees and the old buildings set against the gray backdrop of the sky and you smile.
"It's almost like a movie set."
"Yeah, if the movie is a horror."
You roll your eyes and make a face at him. "I think there's a beauty to it."
"The school used to be a state asylum, you know that right?" He cocks an eyebrow at you but keeps his gaze forward.
"Well then it looks like I ended up in the right place." you joke.
He chuckles. "So you're crazy, huh?"
You look over at him and give him an exaggerated duh look. "You couldn't tell?"
"You must be if you're okay with spending so much time around me." He smirks.
"You may be doom and gloom, but I'd rather spend my time with you than any of the other guys on this campus. At least you have something interesting to say." You shoot back easily. He feels a hint of pride at that, but also somewhere in the back of his mind is a slight twist of curiosity nagging at him in an ugly voice.
"Well, you would know, since every guy on campus would probably kill to talk to you."
"That's so not true."
"Oh, please, you can't go two steps without someone coming up to you."
"Because I'm nice to people!"
"Waste of time," he counters a little too quickly. "Plus I doubt any of those guys are thinking about how nice you are."
You don't know what to say to that except nuh-uh! but that doesn't seem like a clever enough response. Suddenly, you feel a wall settle between the two of you and he clears his throat. "Sorry."
You frown, your brows pinching slightly. "Why do you do that?"
"Do what?" he asks, but his hands have started to sweat a bit now. Your eyes burn into the side of his face and he feels the heat creeping down his neck, uncomfortable and consuming.
You sit back in the passenger seat. "It's like you go somewhere else sometimes. Do you really think that?"
"No, of course not. I'm just being an idiot."
"Then why say it?"
He closes his mouth, refusing to answer. He pulls into the parking lot of your dorm building and parks the truck as close as he can to the entrance so you won't have to wqalk far in the cold. His hands grip the steering wheel but he stares straight ahead blankly.
"Megumi." He sighs when you say his name and leans his head back against the headrest, closing his eyes.
"Megumi!—"
"It's because I don't know how to do this." He cuts off whatever whining you were about to start. He doesn't look at you, though, eyes focused on the car headliner.
You soften. "Do what?"
"I don't know. Talk to someone?"
You sigh. "You know how to talk to people, you do it all the time."
"No. I get talked at. You're the only one who talks to me. I'm not that good at talking when someone actually wants to know what I'm thinking."
"So you're self-sabotaging."
"Don't psychoanalyze me."
"Well, hey." You reach out and touch his arm. His muscles tense at the contact and you almost pull away before he places his hand over yours, keeping you there but still not looking at you. "If you don't want me to fill in the blanks, then you've gotta give me the words."
He sighs again and finally drops his head to the side to look at you. His eyes are guarded and uncertain. "I like you."
Your mouth goes dry. "What?"
"He exhales and shakes his head, letting go of your hand on his bicep. "Nothing."
"No! I just—wow, I wasn't expecting that."
He chuckles humorlessly. "How could you not know? God, even Itadori picked up on it. Why do you think he volunteered to take Kugisaki home willingly? They both aren't very subtle."
You blush. "Maybe because Nobara knows I like you too. I figured she told him."
He looks at you now, waiting for you to tell him you're kidding, that you were just pranking him and they were in on it. But you don't. You hold his gaze until he blinks. "You... like me?"
"How could you not know?" You use his own words against him and he cracks a smile, mumbling 'shut up'. His smile is infectious to you.
"You like me even after getting to know me as a person?"
You laugh. "Yes, I still like you despite your unrelenting pessimism."
"You'll get tired of it."
"I'm not that easy to run off."
You can see the cracks forming in his armor as he gazes into your eyes, searching for any sign of uncertainty.
"You won't run off?"
"I won't."
He stares at you for a moment longer before taking his seatbelt off. "Fuck."
"What? What are you thinking?" You scooch closer.
"I'm thinking if I don't kiss you right now then I'll blow this."
You take a second to let his words sink in before you break out into a grin and giggle. You nod. "Kiss me, then."
You don't have to tell him twice. His lips are on yours not even a second later.You're swept up in a whirlwind of kisses that grow sloppier, exploratory touches growing bolder, and fogged up windows against the frosty air outside.
You don't go up to your dorm for another hour, Kugisaki is already waiting for you with questions as soon as you step foot in the door.
How evergreen, our group of friends
Don't think we'll say that word again
And soon they'll have the nerve to deck the halls
That we once walked throughOne for the money, two for the show
I never was ready so I watch you go
Sometimes you just don't know the answer
'Til someone's on their knees and asks you"She would've made such a lovely bride
What a shame she's fucked in the head," they said
But you'll find the real thing instead
She'll patch up your tapestry that I shred
december 21st, 2024:
You're walking in the quad with Miwa. It's been a week since you last saw Megumi at the train station. A week since you last heard his voice directed towards you. A week since that shattered thing in your chest escaped through exit wounds in your flesh and left you truly empty for the first time.
Christmas is fast approaching and the student decorating committee is almost done setting up the corridors in festive cheer.
Nobara has been staying out lately, probably crashing at Itadori and Megumi's dorm. She's still your friend, at least that's what she says. She just wants to avoid being the middle man of indirect check ins between the two of you.
You hear the whispers around you.
"Look! I heard she's the one that cut things off with Fushiguro, he asked her to marry him and she rejected him."
"No way! I thought they would've been together forever. Fushiguro never even talks, who knows when he'll show interest in someone again."
"Hopefully, I'll be there the next time he does."
"To be honest, I always felt like something was off with her, if you know what I mean."
You feel a prickle behind your eyes and feel your friend touch your arm gently.
"Hey, we can just eat in your room if you want." she offers. You force a smile and shake your head.
"No, no, it's okay. I've spent way too much time in my room lately and I want to get out before the snow really starts." you insist.
She looks at you skeptically. "Are you sure?"
You nod with certainty. "I'm not gonna hide."
You walk into the dining hall and the chill leaves your body for only a moment before you're met with dark blue eyes from across the room. It's almost like you're still drawn to them immediately upon being within the same mile radius. He looks like he's seen a ghost, a lover lost to something other than her own decisions who's come back to haunt him. Longing, sadness, pain. You can't tear your eyes away.
So he does. Itadori and Kugisaki bicker over something next to him, seemingly oblivious to the way his demeanor shifts except for the way Itadori glances over his shoulder before pulling Megumi's attention to the conversation at hand.
You exhale, realizing that you've been holding your breath. Miwa nudges you. "Come on, let's go get in line."
You nod and tear yourself from that spot, every nerve ending in your body protesting to keep your eyes on him. Miwa pulls you away, like a best friend should. You try not to break down, like the ex-girlfriend who left shouldn't.
You can feel the eyes on you from across the room with every step you take.
You keep your eyes straight ahead as if you'll crash and burn should you look anywhere else.
Has the dining hall always been this quiet?
I mean, it's not like so many people knew who you were before this, right? No way they suddenly are paying attention. No way the story has spread from a spark to a wildfire across a campus of strangers who have only ever caught glimpses of you in passing. How could it have happened so quickly?
You swallow, never used to being the center of attention. Maybe it was all in your head. But no matter how much you try to tell your racing heart that, it doesn't slow for a second.
Was he still watching?
You chance a glance over your shoulder and lock eyes with him again. His jaw clenches and he suddenly stands from his seat and mumbles something to Itadori and Kugisaki before grabbing his bag and walking to the exit. The two remaining pieces of the group you'll never be a part of again watch him go before looking at each other with matching frowns, then shifting their gaze over to you.
Kugisaki waves with a forced smile, Itadori looks away.
You catch the last glimpse of his dark clothing as the door to the dining hall closes.
"Miwa."
"Yes?"
"I think maybe we should go back to my dorm."
She looks up at you, concerned. "Are you sure?"
You nod again. "I'm not very hungry anymore."
She can see the blotchiness starting to spread around your nose as you fight to keep it together.
"I think I might apply to switch dorms next semester."
Miwa follows after you as you abandon the line and make your way back towards the exit. Out in the December chill, she quietly asks you. "Are you really not going to tell anyone what happened?"
You shrug. "Does it matter?"
She stops walking. "Yes. It does matter. I'm your best friend and even I don't know what happened. You left for a surprise engagement dinner with your boyfriend of for years and then had me pick you up distraught and single. Come on, you were head over heels for Fushiguro. You talked about life after college with him all the time. What changed?"
You stop walking too. "Nothing changed."
"Nothing?"
"Nothing except him getting down on one knee and asking me to marry him." You look back at her. "I panicked, Miwa. And maybe he's right. Maybe I let that fear fuck up everything. But my God, if I couldn't give him a genuine yes then what good would a forced one have been?"
A tear leaves a cold trail down your cheek and you feel yourself choking up. "Being with him was the only thing that ever made one hundred percent sense to me. And I said no." You shrug and run a hand through your hair, wiping the tears off your cheeks. "Why did I do that?"
Miwa watches you for a second, determining the best course of action for her clearly distressed friend. "Let's get you inside, it's freezing out here."
You nod, letting her guide you back to your dorm.
You keep your eyes trained on the ground to avoid the possibility of gatching a glimpse of dark blue heartbreak.
And hold your hand while dancing
Never leave you standing
Crestfallen on the landing
With champagne problems
Your mom's ring in your pocket
Her picture in your wallet
You won't remember all my
Champagne problems
may 7th, 2027:
You had gradutated university, moving into an off-campus apartment with Miwa for the remainder of your senior year. You stayed in Tokyo after that, visiting Yokohama for a few months before deciding you didn't belong there anymore and moving back to Tokyo. You got a job in the field of your major and you've really been doing excellent work, your boss is so impressed with your dedication.
Two and a half years.
That's how long it's been since that day back in December.
You hadn't talked to Fushiguro since then, only exchanging strained smiles at graduation before being whisked away by your family to go celebrate.
You haven't dated seriously either. Not for lack of trying, you'd had a few flings here and there but no one yet could find all the pieces of that shattered thing you'd lost.
Through posts on Kugisaki's social media, you've sort of kept up with some major life moments for your old friends.
Job promotions, travel diaries, holidays spent with more and more new faces, even a slight baby bump under Kugisaki's sweater.
You're still best friends with Miwa, who would be scolding you if she knew what you were doing now.
Your thumb presses into the screen, pausing the video of Kugisaki's newest story post on the fifth time you watched it.
Megumi, just as devastatingly handsome as you remembered since the last time she posted him and every time before that for the past two and a half years. A tear falls from your eye and lands on the screen, wetting your thumb in the ricochet. He looks happy, holding hands with a girl who looks nothing like you as she wears the ring he had tried to give you all that time ago. The caption is simple.
She said yes!
And you're happy for him, truly. He deserves it.
But you can still mourn for your own selfish reasons.
You don't know why, but you double tap the screen to produce a heart popping up.
Because you're happy for him, you really are.
And maybe because you're indulging that selfish side, just a bit, in a way that still feels passive enough to be innocent.
It's not like you were going to reach out to him or anything.
No, you were the one who chose this. And you knew that. So you'd leave it at that and then file it away into the part of your brain with the rest of the things you tell yourself to never think about.
Your phone vibrates with a message and your heart sinks for a second.
Unlocking the screen, you see it's just a text from Miwa asking if you're still on for dinner later. She has big news that she can't wait to share, but it has to be in person. Probably having something to do with that Kokichi guy, an engineer that she's been talking to for a few months that she is ultimately infatuated with.
You decide once again that you're going to keep your recent discovery to yourself.
You watch the video on Kugisaki's story one more time before swiping out of the app and responding to Miwa.
Yeah, you're happy for him. You're happy he's found what you were too scared to give him.
He deserves this.
You lock your phone.
You won't remember all my
Champagne problems