Work Text:
A virus that was definitely not Dr. Eggman’s fault swept through the island. The Mayor had declared a quarantine and Dr. Eggman was immediately bored within the first day of isolation so he made a group chat.
Dr. Eggman created a chat with 6 people!
Dr. Eggman named chat Eggman Rulez
Dr. Eggman: Sonic and Friends! I am not able to torment you or the village in person so I made a group chat! Prepare to be tormented endlessly!
Dr. Eggman: Also I added my husband
Agt. Stone: Hello! :)
Sonic: hey guys
Sonic: This quarantine SUUUCKS. Even had a door installed in my house
Sonic: just in case
Dr. Eggman: A. That's not how viruses work
Dr. Eggman: B. WHAT!?
Tails: SONIC INSTALLED A DOOR?
Tails: IT’S THE END OF THE WORLD!
Agt. Stone: noooo. the end of the world? that’s sad
Amy: you don’t seem really upset about it
Agt. Stone: NOOO! The end of the world???!?!!! That's SAD!!
Agt. Stone: Is that better, hedgehog? Can you feel the emotion?
Amy: All I feel is you mocking me 🙁
Agt. Stone: Good.
Shadow: why am i here
Shadow: i don’t want to be here
Shadow: why can’t I leave
Sonic: hi Shads!
Shadow: i will tolerate this for now
Dr. Eggman: 🏳️🌈🏳️🌈
Shadow: i can see you laying in your husband's lap right now.
Shadow: just so you all know stone is absolutely terrifying
Dr. Eggman: He twisted his head over the top of the couch to stare at Shadow who is pretty much behind us in the kitchen. I assume he tilted his head so his face was slightly upside down with a big grin since he’s done that to me too! It's absolutely terrifying❤️
Agt. Stone: 💜
Shadow: this family is a nightmare
Sonic changed Agt. Stone’s name to Pebble
Sonic changed Dr. Eggman’s name to Eggs Benedict
Eggs Benedict: huh
Pebble: I see the group chat rebelled against you, Hon.
Eggs Benedict: In record time too
Eggs Benedict: sad
Sonic changed Shadow’s name to Gay Highlights
Gay Highlights: MY QUILL HIGHLIGHTS DO NOT DETERMINE MY PREFERENCES WHEN IT COMES TO DATING SONIC
Pebble: heh
Eggs Benedict: without punctuation it looks like your only preference in dating is Sonic and I reaaally hope that is not the case because there are so many better hedgehogs in the world.
Sonic: thats rly rude, eggface
Sonic: Just because your husband loves you unconditionally even with all the sadism and murder and tyranny doesn’t mean that is everyone’s taste.
Eggs Benedict: Even with?
Pebbles: Even with?
Sonic: oh i dont wanna know ew
Sonic changed Sonic’s name to Blue Blur
Blue Blur changed Knuckles’s name to knuckles
Blue Blur changed Amy’s name to Rose With Thorns
Blue Blur changed Tails’s name to MPH
Rose With Thorns: nice, thank’s sonic! 🩷
Rose With Thorns: why is knuckles nickname just lower case
Blue Blur: didnt wanna confuse him later when he logs on
Rose With Thorns: ah
Eggs Benedict: I don’t have Sticks’s info so she’s not in here
Pebble: Does she even have a phone?
Eggs Benedict: One sec
Eggs Benedict: No
Blue Blur: did anyone else’s phone flash the eggman logo?
Rose With Thorns: yeah
knuckles: MY PHONE JUST FLASHED EGGMAN’S FACE AND I FOUND THIS
knuckles: WHO ARE YOU PEOPLE AND WHY ARE YOU IN MY PHONE
Blue Blur: were ur friends, knucks
Pebble: Ominous.
Pebble: Also go away, Echidna.
MPH: that’s not very nice
Pebble: I’m not a very nice person, didn’t you know that Tails?
MPH: I gess
Eggs Benedict: haha gess.
Pebble: Haha, gess!
MPH: @Blue Blur The Evil Husbands are ganging up on me
Eggs Benedict: Is that what you call us??
Pebble: They’re not wrong, darling.
Eggs Benedict: I mean yeah true, i like the name
Eggs Benedict: I gess I just never heard them refer to us as husbands before. It’s nice
MPH: UGH
Blue Blur: sorry bro I gess its sticking
knuckles: I AM HERE
Pebble: Boo.👎 leave.
Pebble: Ivo, darling would you pretty please remove Knuckles for me? I don’t want to stand up and get my computer to hack his phone
Eggs Benedict kicked knuckles from Eggman Rulez
Eggs Benedict: Anything for you, darling sycophant
Pebble: Thank you, my love!
MPH added KNUCKLES to Eggman Rulez
KNUCKLES: I HAVE BEEN UNVANQUISHED
Pebble: :(
Eggs Benedict: HOW DARE YOU MAKE MY HUSBAND SAD!
Eggs Benedict muted KNUCKLES
Pebble: :)
Pebble: Thank you, Ivo.
Pebbles and Eggs Benedict went offline
Blue Blur: 🏳️🌈?
Gay Highlights: can confirm they are making out on the couch
Blue Blur: AA
Gay Highlights: ?
Blue Blur: thought u went offline and u terrified me
Rose With Thorns: Shadow, give them some space
Gay Highlights: oh i did 🤢 don’t wanna watch that
Blue Blur: nooo my bf is homophone:(
Gay Highlights: THEY’RE BASICALLY MY PARENTS SONIC
Gay Highlights: chaos, you’re stupid.
Rose With Thorns: *homophobic
Blue Blur: But you loooove meee anyway
Gay Highlights: unfortunately
Gay highlights added The One True Sonic
Gay Highlights: Met wants in
Gay Highlights went offline
The One True Sonic: ❓
Rose With Thorns: Metal! Hiiii!
The One True Sonic: 💙
Rose With Thorns: 🩷
Blue Blur: do robots count in the quarantine?
The One True Sonic: ❌
Rose With Thorns: Awesome! Do you wanna come over? I got a new copy of that book you wanted to try from the library.
Rose With Thorns: The first official meeting of our book club:)
The One True Sonic: 📚👍
The One True Sonic went offline
Rose With Thorns went offline
Blue Blur: ALLL BYYY MYYYSELLLFF
MPH: Boo
Blue Blur: A
Blue Blur went offline
MPH: aw:(
MPH went offline
__________________
Gay Highlights came online
Gay Highlights: @Pebble
Gay Highlights: @Pebble
Gay Highlights: @Pebble
Gay Highlights: @Pebble
Gay Highlights: @Pebble
Gay Highlights: @Pebble
Gay Highlights: @Pebble
Pebble came online
Pebble: WHAT!? What could you possibly need?
Gay Highlights: what dinner tomorrow?
Pebble: Lasagna.
Gay Highlights: cool
Pebble: I’m in the literal next room, Shadow.
Pebble: You can teleport.
Gay Highlights: didn’t want to
Gay Highlights: i heard you sigh from in here
Eggs Benedict came online
Eggs Benedict: Why did Stone just dejectedly walk into my lab
Rose With Thorns: Shadow annoyed Stone instead of asking a question in person. Also this is a public group chat Shadow, not DMs. Some of us were sleeping.
Shadow: Why?
Rose With Thorns: It’s three in the morning??
Eggs Benedict: Don’t bully your father, Shadow he’s the only reason any of us our sane right now
MPH came online
MPH: It’s been ONE WEEK of quarantine
Eggs Benedict: I was already halfway there before this:)
Eggs Benedict: and I have built and dismantled against robotic suit twice and binged the entirety of two shows since this week started
Eggs Benedict: I am so boreeeed
Eggs Benedict: Stone wants to inform y’all that I haven’t slept at all this week
MPH: why can’t he tell us himself?
Eggs Benedict: he is curled up in my lap
Eggs Benedict: like a cat
Eggs Benedict: and he left his phone in the other room when he got all exasperated at Shadow
Gay Highlights: sorry
Pebble: apology accepted
Eggs Benedict: baby, where’s the punctuation? Are you ok?
Eggs Benedict: (he won’t talk to me out loud rn, his face is smushed in my uh. boobs)
Pebble: im fine
Blue Blur and The One True Sonic came online
The One True Sonic: ❓
Blue Blur: What’s up?
MPH: Mr. Stones not using punctuation and it is worrying:(
Pebble: I’m fine, really. Just typing quickly because Shadow teleported in and out with my phone before I could say anything. Also because I have to twist my arm weird to type so all future messages will be transcribed through Ivo. :) He already agreed.
Pebble went offline
Eggs Benedict: He will be asleep in four minutes exactly
MPH: How do you know
Eggs Benedict: because I know my husband
Eggs Benedict: duH.
Blue Blur: ok. well. any idea what's going on with this virus?
Eggs Benedict: I am working on a vaccine because I am increDIBLY BORED and don’t wanna wait on anyone else to do it. Not like I trust anyone else to do it either. :/
Eggs Benedict: I was gonna test it on Shadow in his sleep, but if any of y’all wanna volunteer I can send Met over when it’s done
Gay Highlights: you were gonna what??
Eggs Benedict: shhhh Lab Rat
Eggs Benedict: don’t worry about it
Eggs Benedict: Stone says that I shouldn’t test drugs on y’all
Eggs Benedict: but he mumbled it all cute sooo
Blue Blur: Ah, medical malpractice how adorable/s
Gay Highlights: can we go back to the fact that eggman was gonna drug me in sleep?
Eggs Benedict: The doctor was joking, Shadow. He wasn’t going to drug you in your sleep.
Gay Highlights: Thanks, Stone
Eggs Benedict: He says yw
MPH: uh I am not willing to test anything you make that gets injected into my bloodstream
Blue Blur: ditto
Eggs Benedict: Boo you guys are no fun
Eggs Benedict: Anyway Stone is asleep, so bye.
Blue Blur: aw don’t wanna wake him with notifications?
Blue Blur: can’t figure out how to mute your phone, old man?
Eggs Benedict: RUDE! I am going to sleep, too, idiot. It's been like a week since I actually laid down and Stone is too clingy to leave alone. It's like having a koala velcroed to your back at all times. I love him so much
The One True Sonic: 💤❓
Eggs Benedict: Fine, come on. But you have to walk on your own two feet. I am already carrying your Baba.
The One True Sonic: ☺️
Eggs Benedict and The One True Sonic went offline
Rose With Thorns: Unfortunately, that was adorable!
MPH: yeah
MPH went offline
Blue Blur: oh hi ames when did you log on
Rose With Thorns: A while ago
Blue Blur: watcha up to
Rose With Thorns: Stone mailed me a cookbook so I am trying some baking
Rose With Thorns: his recipes are really good (there are alot of small batch recipes, which i guess makes since it was just them for a little bit)
Rose With Thorns: oop my cookies are done. Bye Sonic!
Blue Blur: byeee
Rose With Thorns went offline
Blue Blur went offline
__________________
Pebble: hgytfrd
Pebble: qwertyuiojcxdffgh
MPH: Mr. Stone? You good?
Blue Blur: He broke:/
Rose With Thorns: @Eggs Benedict your husband brok
Eggs Benedict: HAHAHA
Eggs Benedict: He got distracted and Sage stole his phone!
Rose With Thorns: Aww she wants to join the chat with her daaads
Eggs Benedict: were going to teach her to read/write over the next week
Rose with Thorns: I thought she was like one year old?
Blue Blur: shes a literal baby
Eggs Benedict : She’s a Robotnik (plus AI because mlm doesn’t equal baby) so we move
Eggs Benedict: OH FUCK
Eggs Benedict went offline
Pebble: asdfghjkjhgtre
Pebble: heh heh
Pebble went offline
Rose With Thorns: oh man Eggman swore in front of kids
MPH: Ahh my eyes
MPH: Also should we be concerned?
MPH: I mean Eggman swore and then they both went offline
Blue Blur: yeah I wonder if Sage through the phone
Pebble came online
Pebble: OH MY CHAOS (everything is ok health- wise)
Eggs Benedict came online
Eggs Benedict: OUR BABY CAN FLY
MPH: WHAT DO YOU MEAN SHE CAN FLY???
Pebble sent a picture
Blue Blur: yeah that is a flying baby
Rose With Thorns: Wait, is she talking yet? because you said she was going to learn speaking/writing?
Eggs Benedict: YES!!
Pebble: She has been talking for a couple weeks now.
Rose With Thorns: what was her first word?
Pebble: It was Baba!!
Eggs Benedict: she is speaking complete sentences at this point.
Blue Blur: sounding kinda jealous there monopoly man
Eggs Benedict: I would be if Stone hadn’t almost cried tears of joy
Rose with Thorns: Aaaaaw! Such a cute family!
Eggs Benedict: Cute
Eggs Benedict: AND EVIL!
Pebble: Very Evil💜