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Flint & Stone - Definitely Not Quoting the Minecraft Movie *cough

Summary:

A crack fic about Bakugou falling in love with a hero statue because I do what i want.

Notes:

I hope I finish this because I gotta be in a certain mood you know how it be

Chapter Text

Spicey. Not too spicy but enough to get him heated up.

Bakugou Katsuki slurped up the last of his ramen in silence while his best friend was nerding out next to him, fully engrossed in a pamphlet. The mall booth offered a wide view of the food court and mall entrance where the two main corridors intersected. While Midoriya did his usual muttering thing the blonde scanned their surroundings with mild interest.

Typical weekend energy. Couples, groups of kids his own age goofing off, some families, and weirdo pickpockets who thought they were slick but weren’t. Bakugo’s eyes rested on the giant monument of heroes that his companion was reading about. Just a damn statue but whatever. Evidently it was important enough to warrant pamphlets. Of course Midoriya would inform him of the thing’s significance soon enough but Bakugou liked coming to his own conclusions.

Four heroes. Two dudes and a female. And a fat guy. They all had the classic look of Golden age Heroes with simple appearances and hardly any gear. Except the fat guy. He had a gun of some kind. Probably shot something dorky like potatoes into the future. If he were to put money on it that guy’s costume was a tackey combination of eggplant and sunflower yellow. Not that style was a big deal anyway.

The other two men looked pretty basic; one wore simple armor and probably fought with his fists. The man next to him had the whole muscle thing going with his hands resting on his hips. He definitely wasn’t cool. Lastly, the female. She had long hair worn half-up with a crown of some kind. What were those things called? Tiaras. Aside from that, nothing special. A dress. Long and flowy. Useless for combat so it was likely her abilities were either long range or very strong.

“According to this, these heroes were the ones that finally stopped the Eastern Sorcerer.”

His childhood friend was talking. Midoriya pointed to the monument with his typical I-just-learned-shit enthusiasm. Bakugou narrowed his eyes at the impressive sculpture while boring details were rattled off next to him. It turned out that the woman’s name was unknown and there was little known about her ability. Not that it really mattered. She was probably the first to go down. Either her or fatty. A gown like that was just dumb. Not as dumb as a cape but damn near close. One of Bakugou’s eyes twitched and he directed his gaze elsewhere.

“Enough boring statue talk. Let’s hit the arcade and see if they got anything worth playing.”

The following weekend the teen found himself at the mall again on an errand. Even though he was looking to hurry up and get it over with his steps slowed as the looming monument came into view. He scowled at it and wasn’t sure why he was scowling but he didn’t care. For some reason it was annoying. Whatever. Maybe they had lava toffees in stock again at Loo Loo’s.

He cast a glance back at the grandiose statues just before turning the corner.

Three weeks and back again. This time he had simply chosen a different route to the comic book store. Not the one in the mall but the other one. The cool one. Still, the mall was more convenient to cut through and the monument was growing on him a little. Not really growing but less stupid and extra. More like.. whatever. What was the big deal about these four individuals and why did he care?

Why didn’t anyone know her name? Kinda weird to build a damn huge detailed stone statue of a lady hero without that basic piece of information. Then again, it wasn’t impossible. He wouldn’t put it past her to go by a single letter or something like that. Maybe this ethereal wannabe went by a musical chord lol. Lame. He noticed for the first time her feet were bare.

A brisk wind caused him to shiver and knit his brows together. Too cold out for this shit.

“Hmph.”

It was close to midnight and Bakugou stood with his hands in his pockets. The mall was empty now. Everything was eerie and dark, he probably looked sus as hell standing there but it didn’t matter. A strangeness in the air was what had his attention. Any nighttime security guards and homeless randos weren't around tonight; the place was deserted. A little creepy honestly. The sky was an unusual deep blue with incredibly bright stars.

Feeling uneasy, he looked up at the stone lady hero.

There seemed to be a weird vibe in the air tonight. What if this chick wasn’t what she appeared to be… Not a statue of a past hero but a huge Being.. Some kind of ancient entity which would be interesting . For whatever reason it might've decided to chill with the monument. Hiding or disguised as an old rock creature in a mall of all places. The stillness of the night pulsed as he stood in the wake of an the imaginary giant. It'd be a typical comic book moment if that was the case. Like a thing taking notice of him for whatever reason. Bakugou could be considered insignificant in such a scenario; the stone woman staring unblinking and unmoving but still aware of his presence.

Notice him but not care.

That situation would low-key scare the hell out of him as well as excite. A potential monster encounter.  Just him and an enormous villain of some kind.  A brief wave of (imaginary?) fear flashed through the edgy boy, causing his default expression to waver. If that actually happened he'd be in potential danger; if he’d tread into a forbidden space. Awakening a rock demon by being in the wrong place at the wrong time.  Like a major fuck up for whatever reason. Kinda stupid for him to be thinking of crap like that but he did enjoy a good fight scene, imagined or otherwise.

Was he breathing? Yes. He was holding it but yeah. What if that extraordinary event did actually happen?  That he, Bakugou Katsuki was in the presence of something much greater than himself. Maybe a huge stone villain or ambivalent angel or pissed of demi-god or something like that. It'd be pretty fucking unnerving to say the least. If he was being honest with himself Bakugou would feel afraid. Momentarily of course. She could be crazy powerful and un-exist him instantly. Or crush him slowly with her huge stone foot.  That would suck.

If she were to move right now, he was already feeling the urge to run. If was real of course. Fleeing wasn't ideal but nether was dying by huge rock woman.  It would be pointless and cowardly but this was just an imaginary situation.

Was it him or did it sorta feel like something was about to happen?   Why the fuck was he even there again? For real what made him come here of all places?  Bakugou couldn't friggin' remember.  Since when did he take midnight strolls to a empty malls?   

His confusion was abruptly cut off with a small sound.

Rock sliding against rock.

The teen’s eyes widened as he beheld the stone woman’s head slowly rotate and tilt down.   His mind seized with terror.  It’s gaze seemed to be directed at him. 

It was overwhelming and terrible but what a RUSH. Maybe the she might feel indifferent to him? He was just a small human so probably not a problem? He hadn’t made a mistake or anything. He was just minding his own business.

“No you weren’t.”

The spiky-haired teen jolted upright in his bed covered in sweat and breathing heavily. Bakugou brought a shaking hand to his chest and felt his heart hammering like mad.  It hurt. He felt breathless.

“The hell kind of dream was that?’