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Being cursed wasn’t the best experience to have. It never is…
While my own curse wasn’t as bad as Rui’s, who isn’t able to touch people without draining their life force, it was still bad to a fault, giving me only a year left to live before I turn into the very monster that bestowed me with this misfortune…
Earlier on I had been told to expect traumatic side effects from my encounter with Kyklos such as a sudden disdain towards specific flowers, or just flowers in general, increased disgust towards eyeballs, or maybe even the inability to get on normal trains– anything associated with that night.
It was difficult, flowers were everywhere, and creepy eyeballs are always present in the lab in Mortkranken or certain anomalies we find on missions. Nightmares were expected too, but those were things I had expected to a point… I was prepared to live on with life being sensitive to those things. I was prepared to never look at flowers without panicking, or to see eyeballs without throwing up on the spot… That was a small sacrifice, I had thought… It was a small thing for me to sacrifice to keep my life as normal as it could get…
But that was back then…
Spending time with the ghouls made me miss how fast time passed. Before we knew it, six months had passed and I grew thinner and paler than before… Before we knew it, eight months had passed, and flower buds had started growing inside me… Before we knew it, ten months had passed, and I no longer moved the same way as before, nor could I look at any mirror, or glass, or body of water anymore…
I couldn’t bring myself to… not without breaking down into tears and sobs…
The face that I wanted to keep within the depths of my mind started appearing in reality, and a piece of my sanity broke off every time I saw it… So I covered every mirror and window in my room, and replaced my metal utensils with wooden ones…
The flowers that I wished to keep within the burning garden in my dreams started plaguing me afterwards, appearing on my bed, on the floor, in the shower… So I started wrapping my head with cloth after putting harmful chemicals on the buds and blooms…
It didn’t last long, though, as Jiro and Yuri found out during our regular examination and prohibited me from accessing any sort of chemical in the campus… The substances were going to kill me one day, and I knew that, but at this point I didn’t really care… Kyklos would get to me faster than the toxins would…
Cutting the blooms off hurt, and it made me bleed so much every time that I wasn’t allowed to do so either… Burning was out of the question, and taking only the flower’s life force was a no as well… Rui refused to try…
Perhaps out of my desperation and grief, the Sage’s ring glowed bright and once the shine died down, a familiar black sheer cloth gently draped over me, covering me from the view of the world…
It turned back into Hera’s Snakes…
From then on, I donned the veil at every waking hour… Since I couldn’t remove it myself, it was quite convenient to have during sleep, and as if feeling my anguish, its tendrils would appear when I wanted to shower, and washed my hair for me, knowing that I didn’t want to even graze the petals decorating the crown of my head…
Although I was experiencing mobility issues, I could still do normal things like walking or jogging short distances… I was only discouraged from going on dangerous missions, and even in lower class cases I had to have a physically competent ghoul like Alan or Jin to keep watch over me and easily evacuate me in case complications arose.
Walking down the familiar stone pathway that I’ve grown accustomed to seeing these past 10 months, I gently fiddled with the veil’s edge, feeling the texture of the subtle lace embroidered along the seams. I kept my head down, not wanting to meet the gaze of other students in passing…
I didn’t want to meet their eyes… I couldn't meet their eyes…
When the flowers started blooming, I stopped looking up at their faces, having seen enough of the disgust and fear in their expressions…
Hera’s Snakes may have blocked my horrid appearance from the world, but it didn’t hide my view of them…
Solemnly, I watched the lace move about with my fingers, letting my feet take me wherever… The whispers around me shifted in volume, and without realizing it I found myself in front of Frostheim’s chilly gates.
…
‘It’s been a long while since I last came here that I unknowingly…’
My thoughts trailed off, my inner voice fading out.
Frostheim was the worst place to be in right now. Not only were the students more brash about their comments, and that this is basically the nest of outrageous rumours, but Forstheim’s ghouls were one of the people I wanted to see the least right now…
Luca is a sweetheart, but his kindness and open determination would only make me feel bad… Spark a glimmer of hope inside me that would eventually destroy my very being…
Kaito, while loud and supportive as he is, wasn’t the best at comforting people… His awkwardness, while stemming from good intentions, made me feel more uneasy than I already am…
My current energy levels can’t handle Tohma’s mind games and riddle sentences, and Jin…
I swallowed my thoughts of Frostheim’s King, not wanting to feel more down than I already am. I turned my back, taking a few steps away from the gates before a ripping sound made its way to my ears.
All of a sudden, I felt an arm wrapping around my waist, before I was tugged back, landing on familiar icy blue floors. I blinked, only just realizing that I was now inside Jin’s room.
“You’ve grown bolder, haven’t you? Don’t you know that it’s bad manners to visit then leave someone’s house without even greeting the owner?”
His cool, gruff voice tickled my ears, and the tingles in my spine came back after weeks of not feeling them… The rich yet lazy tone of his words made my knees feel weak, as it always did…
“I… I don’t know what you’re talking about…”
I feigned ignorance, all the while trying to escape his hold to which he responded by tightening his grip on me.
“I could see you lurking by the gates all the way here from my room. Yet instead of coming in to greet your master, you turn your back and try to leave.”
I pressed my lips together, not really in the mood to argue.
“...I’m sorry… Good afternoon, Jin… I greeted you, and now I want to leave… Can you please let me go…?”
“No. You’re gonna hole up in your room again if I do.”
My words died down in my mouth, knowing that he was right.
“...I… I won’t…” I weakly argued.
Clearly, Jin doesn’t buy it, but he doesn’t say anything.
“Let’s remove the veil. It’s gonna get caught everywhere.”
His free hand reached up to lift the veil, to which I immediately tried to avoid.
“Don’t…!”
Slightly caught off guard by my exclamation, Jin’s hold on my waist loosened, and I took the chance to break myself free from his hold. I took a few quick steps back, creating distance between us while I held the veil to keep it down.
“I… I’ll keep the veil on…”
Jin’s gaze remained on me, his expression unreadable before letting out a sigh.
“Whatever… but if it rips don’t say I didn’t warn you… That’s not a normal veil, if I must remind you. That’s an anomaly. If it rips, no anomalous medicine nor technology can stitch it back together like new.”
He plopped down on his usual couch, though he remained seated instead of laying down like always.
“Now come here.” He gestured to the space beside him.
Despite my uneasiness, I decided to listen, knowing that I had nowhere to run and that I was lucky enough that he didn’t push any of the subjects I didn’t want to talk about. I didn’t hurry, nor did I take my time in approaching him.
By a cruel twist of fate, however, my movements were stopped as I passed by the intricately detailed coffee table, and a small yelp that came from me echoed in the heavily silent room…
My veil got stuck… on one of the many tiny details of the coffee table’s legs…
Embarrassed, I discreetly tried to untangle the lace from the table leg, but every movement I made only worsened my situation, the other edges of the veil getting caught up as well.
Jin only sat there, crossing his arms as he watched me struggle. Even without looking at him, I knew that somewhere in his expression said ‘I told you so’. After watching me fail to detangle the lace, a sigh escaped him before he stood back up once more.
Larger hands took over the task I had been doing, and in only a few minutes did they manage to succeed in freeing Hera’s Snakes from the grasp of the sculpted ivory along the table legs.
“T…. Thank you…”
I quietly muttered, still embarrassed. My thanks was only met with a click of the tongue, followed by a flick on my forehead.
“This is why you should listen…”
My gaze that was fixed on the ground flickered up when I saw the captain’s designer shoes come into my view, and I felt his presence dangerously close for my comfort.
“Now this time listen and let me get this off you… You can’t remove it yourself, right?”
I watched his hands reach out to the front hem of the veil, and I instinctively recoiled, gripping the veil down once more.
“N-No… Please let me keep it on… I don’t want to remove it…”
My heart raced as I stood rigid. I didn’t like this situation, and all I wanted to do was run away. But perhaps it’s because I only felt uncomfortable, not endangered, that Hera’s Snakes made no move to attack or defend against Jin’s advances.
“Why not? If you can give me a valid reason, I might let this go.”
Pressing my lips together, I thought hard of what excuse I should cook up to convince the ever so prickly king.
“I…”
My strongly hesitant pause made it clear that I didn’t have a reason valid enough for Frostheim’s captain. So once more, he closed the distance between us, and his hands reached out to take the veil’s front hem once more.
“No… Jin… Please…”
I weakly pleaded, my scrawny hands reaching up to grip his wrists as my own desperate attempt to push him back. But we both know that it was futile… Back then when I was healthier I didn’t stand a chance in stopping him, so now that I was weaker and sicker, my desperate push probably only felt like a small nudge.
He didn’t relent, though. He heard my soft plea, but he didn’t budge. His hands remained on the veil’s hem, and he easily disregarded my hold on his wrists.
‘No… He’ll see how horrendous I’ve become… He’ll…’
“I… I look terrible…”
Self-deprecating thoughts flooded my head once more.
I was aware that I wasn’t that pretty before, especially next to the beautiful, inhumanly stunning ghouls… I was average, average height, normal body, lukewarm beauty… Nothing about me was outstanding, and yet Jin still kept me by his side, danced with me in the only social functions he ever attended, held me in his arms so casually, with no sense of disgust nor judgement…
When the flowers started growing and blooming, I grew afraid of my own appearance not only because I was reminded of my impending death, but also because I became afraid of what people might think… What my friends, what the ghouls might think… What he might think…
I wasn’t as healthy and plump as before. I grew skinny, scrawny, all skin and bones. Hugging me was no longer pleasant, and holding me no longer felt natural, as I could feel the others tread more carefully around me… Ghouls were stronger than humans, after all… They were afraid of breaking me…
The sleepless nights that I passed from the neverending nightmares brought on dark circles underneath my eyes, which were made darker by my deteriorating health. My paling skin made bruises more evident, made the injury look much worse than it really was… My clothes no longer fit right from the weight I rapidly lost, and my hair was no longer soft and healthy as it was before from all the weeds growing on my head…
I no longer looked my best, nor did I look good… And Jin was the last person I wanted to show this side of me to…
“No… Please, Jin… Please don’t look at me…”
My voice grew soft, and quiet whimpers left my throat as tears threatened to spill from my eyes. I was embarrassed beyond doubt, overly self-conscious beyond comfort. Jin didn’t react to my silent sniffles and only moved to finally lift off the veil…
I shut my eyes, afraid of what expression he might have. Light flooded my face when the blusher was lifted up, before disappearing when Jin moved to shield my face from the bright light.
“...” “...What’s got you fussing? You’re still you, (name)...”
His voice was soft, quiet, lacking the bite it usually had… I felt soft hands reaching up to cup my cheeks, gently wiping away the stray tears.
“You lost weight, and you have dark circles under your eyes… but you look the same… you still look like my servant…”
Jin’s thumbs gently touched my eyelids, prompting them to open. I squinted for a bit, letting my eyes adjust to the different lighting, before being greeted by a slightly smirking Jin. I felt one of his hands brush over my hair, perhaps brushing away one of the petals on my head, as well as pushing back the vines dangling on the sides of my face.
“See? You’re alright… A little more flowery, but still the same midget I danced with…”
“I… I’m a monster… I’m turning into one, and I’m scared Jin…”
I sobbed, covering my face from his view.
“I’m scared that one day I’ll wake up unable to see… I’m scared that one day I can no longer control my body and I’ll end up attacking you… I might end up killing you… I—”
“Shh… You won’t…”
Strong hands moved from my face to my waist, holding me close, silently reassuring me.
“When you wake up and the flowers have consumed you, we’ll be there to guide you and baby you… If you wake up and you can no longer control your body and you end up attacking someone…”
He trailed off, his thumb tracing a faint pattern on my back.
“... If it sets you at ease… I can… promise to make your death swift and painless…”
His words died down to a whisper, showing his hesitant conviction of being the one to end my suffering.
“But it’s not too late, (Name)... you time is still ticking… we still have two months left…”
His hands wandered up, gently prying my hands from my face.
“I don’t like giving you false hope… But I can assure you, if we don’t find the cure for your curse, we’ll make one… If we can’t obtain it, we’ll simply have to make it…”
Jin brings my bony hands to his face, pressing a kiss on my knuckles.
“We’ll make sure that you don’t turn into an anomaly… We won’t let you succumb to your curse… I won’t let you meet our end…”
His clear eyes looked at me with such determination that somehow my breaking heart felt like hoping once more, that maybe everything will really go well because he said so…
“Besides… monster or anomaly, or not, you’ll always be beautiful in my eyes…”
—-- fin —--