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“Fuck!” Euijoo gritted through his teeth, fucking deep into his best friend who was a mess on the couch, drowling under his experienced thrust.
Honestly, it should have been a one time thing. That’s what they agreed to, two years ago: Nicholas would be Euijoo’s first experience.
But it wasn’t. Because Euijoo kept on coming back for more. So, how could Nicholas refuse him? He has always been so in love, his greedy side allowed him to indulge ‘one last time’.
And it was never the last time.
“Nicho, let me fuck you.”,
“Nicho, I had a difficult day today.”,
“Nicholas, you are so fucking hot.”
Nicholas didn’t need more to let his straight best friend fuck him rough and deep instead of that girl he claimed to be in love since freshman year.
Nicholas internally sighed at this thought; it wasn’t the moment to think about it. Not when Euijoo was pounding inside of his ass recklessly.
—
Wang Nicholas was only sixteen years old when he first met Byun Euijoo through their mutual friend Koga Yūdai.
“Nicholas, meet Euijoo. He’ll be with us for two years, he is an exchange student from Korea and stays at mine because our mothers are acquaintances.”
The boy seemed shy. He fidgeted his fingers against the hem of his shirt while looking somewhere but never into Nicholas’ eyes. He looked young, unsure and had adorables full cheeks.
So, Nicholas gently laughed; a playful smirk plastered on his face.
“Nice to meet you Euijoo, I am Nicholas; Yūdai helps me with my Japanese classes,” he laughed. “I’ve known him for a while now! So don’t hesitate to ask me anything… I know his weaknesses.”
Euijoo chuckled at Nicholas’ mischief, and pride took over him while Yūdai outrageously gasped at Nicholas’ betrayal.
“What the hell, Nicho!”
Another roar of laughter could be heard from the three teenagers.
Becoming friends with Euijoo was easy, the kid was nice and it didn’t take long for Nicholas to discover he was actually the same age as him (even though Nicho was a few months older!).
Euijoo turned sixteen not long after the end of his first exchange year, while Yūdai was nearing eighteen. And before they knew it, Yūdai had to leave them for university.
But that didn’t bother Nicholas. He liked Euijoo’s company.
To others, they often seemed like an odd pair: Nicholas was naturally sociable and well-liked. Girls gravitated toward him, and boys always invited him to play sports during lunch. Euijoo, however, was one the most introverted guys Nicholas had ever met. He rarely interacted with anyone, and always seemed to stuck with him at school.
“Nicho,” Euijoo once said, a few days before the summer break, “You’re my best friend.”
Nicholas eyed him. Euijoo was a bit taller than him, but obviously thinner, and his voice sounded feeble.
“Am I?” Nicholas joked, “I thought I was your example in life.”
Euijoo elbowed him.
“Nicho!” he whined, “I am serious. I don’t want to overstep but…”
Nicholas watched him, “But?”
“But in a few we’ll be separated and… I won’t see you for a year so…” Euijoo bit his lower lip.
The unspoken truth lingered between them. Euijoo’s time in Japan was only temporary. As an exchange student, he would eventually have to return to Korea to complete his diploma, no matter how much he told Nicholas and Yūdai that he wanted to stay.
Still, he made a promise: after graduation, he would come back and enroll in a Japanese university. The same one as Nicholas and Yūdai.
“So you’re confessing the undying friendly crush you have on me?” Nicholas teased.
“Oh god!” Euijoo inflated his cheeks, “I’m not joking! It’s impossible to have a conversation with you, I’m done!”
And he was, indeed, done, under Nicholas’s laughter who watched him walk away in a resolute path.
“Hey, Juju!” Nicholas laughed while the younger accelerated, “I like you too! I hope you’ll be as cool as me when we meet again.”
You’re my best friend too, Nicholas thought but would never admit out loud.
Euijoo didn’t come back a year after.
And Nicholas celebrated his eighteenth birthday in his shared flat with Yūdai and another guy named Fuma (the guy was tall, buff and a year younger than Yūdai). Both of them studied art and dance, when Nicholas decided to pursue a degree in physical therapy.
Nicholas couldn’t recall with exactitude what happened that night; from the moment Fuma decided to go back home to the moment Yūdai dragged him to a club where a random guy sat on his lap and started to kiss him vigorously.
From that experience, Nicholas immediately understood he liked men; thought confirmed when he lost his virginity a few hours later, sloppily fucking with the guy who brought him back to his room (Nicholas has probably been his worst time; he died with stress and had a hard time to get up… But the guy had been rather comprehensive and Nicholas obviously never mentioned he turned eighteen the day before.)
The rest was history; Nicholas woke up before the guy, slipped away and never heard of him again.
When Nicholas and Euijoo met again both of them were pushing twenty.
And Yūdai had the brilliant idea to drive Euijoo back to their flat (flat he was about to leave as he finally settled with Fuma) to surprise him.
Euijoo has changed, was the first thing Nicholas thought when he first laid his eyes on his best friend after two years. He still looked like the shy kid he stayed with in high school; but something somehow powerful now radiated out of him. He gained confidence. Euijoo stood tall in front of him, his head held up high as he wore some fancy clothes, way too pricey for his own good.
“Nicho,” Euijoo pronounced in a more mature and deeper voice than two years ago, “It’s been a while.”
Nicholas didn't need any more reason to burst out laughing under Euijoo's (and Yūdai's) questioning gazes. But really, how could he not? Euijoo was irresistibly cute. It felt like everything about him had changed but his delightful nonsense.
There was something endearing about him, something Nicholas was fond of.
“Hey! I didn’t even talk! Why are you laughing?” Euijoo gasped, “It’s still impossible to have a conversation with you-”
Nicholas flickered his forehead, smiling so widely his jaw ached.
“Oh, Juju… And I am just glad you’re finally here.”
–-
Bae Jinsol was breathtakingly beautiful. She always exuded confidence when she walked through the long university corridors, effortlessly capturing every student’s attention. While some might label her as an attention attractor, Jinsol was much more than just the campus’s beauty. She had a gentle spirit, and was always ready to lend a hand to anyone in need. She was everything: the embodiment of the perfect daughter, well-behaved and undeniably sensible.
That’s obviously why Byun Euijoo fell in love with her.
It was an ‘it’s her’ and ‘it’s easy’ type of falling in love. Euijoo was twenty years old when he noticed Bae Jinsol at some frat party his friend Jo forced him to go to. Since then, the girl has been stuck in his head. Love at first sight, some may say. Destiny, Euijoo, and his overly disgusting tendencies for sweet romance, would conclude.
“I am in love,” Euijoo confessed, a few days later, to his friend Harua (a junior he met thanks to Jo).
Harua stared at Euijoo before chuckling, holding a mirror in one hand, too busy admiring his own cute, model-like face before Euijoo decided to bother him with nonsense.
“Who’s the lucky boy?” Harua smirked.
“I am not gay.” Euijoo sighed, “How many times do I need to tell you? I like girls and I am, in fact, in love with one!”
Harua eyerolled, “Nicho-chan isn’t a woman.”
It made Euijoo rage even harder, “I am not in love with Nicholas!”
“Yeah, you two and your weird codependency relationship or whatever,” Harua shook his head, “So, who’s the lucky girl? Don’t tell me it’s Saku, she is a lesbian.”
Sakura or Harua’s cousin.
“What?! I don’t love Sakura! And I know that your cousin is a lesbian-”
“Little cousin.” Harua cut him off.
“Oh god, is that really important?” Euijoo argued, close to exasperation.
“She was born a month after me. I am, per se, way older than her.” Harua blew nothing out of his nails, watching it while talking with a detached tone.
“We’re talking about a few weeks! What the hell are you even on?”
At this point, Euijoo was on the verge of tearing his hair out. Harua might have been insufferable at times, but he was still a good friend. Euijoo couldn’t help but wonder why, out of everyone, he had chosen him to reveal his truth. Then again, Harua did seem like the one most likely to offer him great love advice.
Harua rolled his eyes for the second time, “Are we going to talk about my little cousin or your heterosexual crisis?” He emphasized on heterosexual.
“Jinsol.” Euijoo confessed.
Harua’s eyes widened.
“Bae?!” he blinked a few times, “I can’t believe it, she is so much better than you!”
Ok, that tasteful comment hurt a bit of Euijoo’s ego.
“Hey! You can’t understand, we are destined! She… Just don't know me yet.” Euijoo said with a tiny voice.
Harua hummed before sarcastically answering, “That seems like a detail.”
“Oh God, stop it!” Euijoo raged, “I need your help. You know everyone on the campus. Introduce me to her, I beg you!”
Maybe Euijoo was utterly fucked the moment he asked for Harua’s help, or maybe it was the best idea ever. Still, when Harua finally looked at him again, the younger had a scary (and a bit uncanny) smile on his face. Euijoo gulped; Harua already had a plan, and it was as terrifying as thrilling.
“Who’s your partner for the Mrs. Tanaka project?” Harua innocently asked.
“Taki.” Euijoo immediately said,
“Well, Jinsol is mine… And I will, sadly, have a setback. I’ll give her your number and you’ll give me Taki’s one, got it?”
Euijoo blinked hastily, he couldn’t believe what his friend was so obviously implying, “So it means that…?”
“Yes. She is your partner now. No need to thank me.”
–
Saying that Nicholas didn't have time to see it coming would be an absolute lie. Euijoo was still the clumsy, socially awkward guy he had been friends with when they were younger. Yet, Euijoo had changed. He now stood with much more confidence and spoke a little louder at times.
Euijoo was cute, and Nicholas was a twenty-year-old gay man. After two years apart and a subsequent reconnection, Nicholas found it easy to develop a childish crush on his best friend.
Loving Euijoo seemed like the simplest thing ever when he stood in front of him, essentially wobbling on his long legs like a deer caught in headlights. Nicholas often wondered why Euijoo had to be so fucking perfect.
But, Nicholas couldn’t do anything about it. It couldn’t be anything more than a dirty little secret. Euijoo was most likely drawn to women and never showed any obvious attraction for him. There were times where the line seemed a bit blurry, when Nicholas would sit on Euijoo’s laps, when he would look at him with that gentle smile or when Nicholas would whine and ask for a hug. Yet, it didn’t mean more than friendship, and as long as Nicholas stayed friends with Euijoo: the secret of his feelings would die with him.
As long as Euijoo was happy. As long as Euijoo felt at ease; nothing mattered to Nicholas. Not even his growing feelings; he had plenty of times to fuck it away with any guys willing for a new experience, and Nicholas was quite experienced, so these entanglement were mutually beneficial.
“I fell in love,” Euijoo announced, out of the blue.
The sudden confession made Nicholas stop everything he was doing, his heart violently pounding in his chest.
It made sense. So much sense. Euijoo wasn’t a “I-don't-do-relationship” kind of guy like Nicholas was and was content with. No. Euijoo was an awkward hopeless romantic who was most likely to fall in love with any pretty girl that would notice his lowkey and pitiful existence.
Nicholas took a deep breath; the food was probably overcooked now. It didn’t matter, because he had to get a grip.
“Oh.” Nicholas tried to sound normal, “Really?”
“Yeah she… Pursues the same degree as me.” Euijoo explained, “I met her last year at a party, we are partner for a project and became friends.” He laughed, a bit uncomfortable, “I like to think it was love at first sight?”
Nicholas gulped hard, his back still facing Euijoo; not daring to turn around. He had to keep his cool; it had to happen. Both of them were adults. It was simply the natural course of events; Euijoo had to find himself a beautiful girlfriend, and Nicholas had to let his feelings die.
“It’s nice, Juju.” Nicholas’ throat contracted, “I am happy for you. Does she know?”
“Well… Maybe that's the issue.” Euijoo admitted, “Nicho, you had a lot of lovers, didn’t you?”
That’s the moment Nicholas decided the food wasn’t an excuse anymore, as he turned around after turning off the stove.
“It depends what you consider a lover.” Nicholas stared at Euijoo who was now sitting on his sofa, playing with his fingers, “I would hardly qualify them as such, but I had some… Sexual partners.”
Euijoo bit his lower lips, Nicholas refrained himself from kissing him on the spot.
Desperate times would call for desperate measures.
“I think she only sees me as her friend.” Euijoo sighed, “I mean, it may be my fault because I never did anything for her to consider me otherwise but… I don’t think I know how to do things well.”
Nicholas’ heart throbbed harder, so hard he could hear its pounding in his ears. But he stood still, staring at Euijoo who struggled hard to put words to his thoughts without knowing he was destroying Nicholas’ world with such easy and heartfelt sentences.
“Just be yourself, Juju.” Nicholas advised, “She would be crazy to not notice you.”
Like I did.
“I…” Euijoo tried, still fidgeting, “I think I need to impress her but I’m not confident enough and…”
Nicholas held his breath, “And?”
“And I am still a virgin.”
Nicholas had to hold himself against the counter for not falling on the ground; it was too much information for him to process. Euijoo, the handsome and cute Euijoo, was still a virgin. Hence why, according to him, he wasn’t confident enough to make a move on the girl he was in love with. So, he decided to confess it all to Nicholas because Nicholas was, basically, the campus’ whore.
“You’re a virgin and you want me to give you advices because you know I fuck around a lot? Do I get it right?” Nicholas asked.
Euijoo’s knuckles whitened as he played them, so obviously nervous Nicholas wanted to take him in his arms to hug him tight and tell him all he needed to know about respectful and consensual sexual intercourses. Even if it was killing him inside, Euijoo’s well being was way more important than any crush or feeling that could stand in the way of Nicholas’ adoration for his best friend.
“Not exactly...” Euijoo cleared his throat, “Listen, Nicho, I… You’re probably the one person I trust the most. You’re my best friend.”
Nicholas frowned, “Yeah. You’re my best friend too. But I suppose it’s not really what you want to tell me?”
Nicholas could have seen it coming. Euijoo developing childish feelings for a girl. The realization that his best friend would never be his.
He could have seen coming that, one day, Euijoo would drift away, just as Yūdai did, to live his own life and maybe even start a family. Nicholas could have seen all of it coming, because, in the end, it was only the natural course of events.
Yet, no matter how much Nicholas thought he could have seen things coming, one thing he could have never guessed was what Euijoo was about to ask him.
“I want you to be my first time.”
It felt as if the world fell on Nicholas’ head. It was almost too easy for Euijoo to utter those words, as if it weren’t the most illogical and outlandish thing to ask of your gay (and crushing-on-you) best friend.
"What?!" Nicholas frowned. "What do you mean, Euijoo? Being in a gay relationship isn’t the same as being in a straight one! It’s not the same hole, not the same preparation, and..." Nicholas stopped himself mid-track, as if he understood something, “Do you want her to peg you?”
Euijoo’s cheeks turned red while he put his hands in front of Nicholas, waving it quickly; obviously showing nervousness.
“No! Not at all, why would you think that!” Euijoo denied hastily, “You’re just the person I trust the most with myself and I’m sure you would tell me what is wrong with my… Erm… Game.”
“What is wrong with your… Game.” Nicholas repeated, syllable after syllable, as if he was hearing the younger one talking a language he didn’t understand.
“I know you had a lot of sexual partners and I don’t want to overstep, I swear! But you are probably the most experienced person I know… Don’t get it wrong, I don’t think I am gay, but I trust you. I really trust you, and I know if we happen to have that kind of relationship it won’t mean anything so… Yeah. Teach me. I beg you, I am on my knees!”
Nicholas stared at him for what felt like hours, eyes widened while his best friend basically supplicated him to have sex.
It made Nicholas blink hastily, trying to get himself together.
Euijoo wanted to fuck him. The same Euijoo Nicholas was in love with.
Nicholas needed to stop him, to explain that it was impossible because he had always loved him, and such a situation would only end up hurting his feelings. Besides, Nicholas knew any girl would be willing to help since Euijoo was handsome. Everyone in their right mind would love to be his first sexual experience.
“Listen…” Nicholas tried.
“Please! I promise I am not that bad… I watched some gay porn!”
“You… Did what?” Nicholas was about to faint.
“Yeah! I know I won’t be your best, but I need your opinion!”
It won’t mean anything. Euijoo said earlier while talking about the prospect of them having sex.
It won’t mean anything; and of course, Euijoo came prepared. He watched some gay porn, thought about it carefully and was in obvious need of help.
Wouldn’t Nicholas be unfair if he didn’t give him a chance?
“Okay.” Nicholas finally agreed, “But it’ll be a one time thing in order to tell you what is wrong with your tiny dick.”
“Hey! I don’t have a tiny dick!” Euijoo denied before he processed everything Nicholas just said, “Wait… Really? You would do that for me?!”
Nicholas rolled his eyes, a gentle smirk playing on his lips.
—
Euijoo was so bad in bed that Nicholas had to fake an orgasm.
Though, Nicholas had everything sorted out. He told Euijoo to come in three days, heavily implying they were going to have sex and thus Euijoo needed to bring condoms his size.
Nicholas even prepped himself for hours before Euijoo came to his apartment; it was his first sexual experience so Nicholas couldn’t be anything but loose. Euijoo was going to fuck women, it seemed only logical for Nicholas to prepare himself as such.
Sex with Euijoo was something. It wasn’t anything like Nicholas imagined, but still something. It was sloppy with too much hips; Euijoo was so stiff Nicholas wondered if he was having sex with a piece of wood.
“Did you like it?” Euijoo asked right after, basically using the worst pick up line a hookup could use.
No, Nicholas wanted to answer.
“Well…” Nicholas sighed, “At least you didn’t came prematurely.”
Euijoo gasped, and it should have ended up here. It had to end up here; Nicholas had a piece of Euijoo (and the confirmation he was a mediocre hookup), and Euijoo had his first experience.
But it didn’t.
It didn’t, and Euijoo still fucked him deep and rough two years later. Euijoo kept on coming to take a piece of him before going back to loving Jinsol when he was sexually satiated… And out of love, Nicholas let him.
“Nicho, you are so fucking tight…” Euijoo whispered in Nicholas’s ears.
And, as always Nicholas answered with a moan. He moaned, because he grew used to Euijoo’s thrust.
“Harder.” Nicholas gritted through his teeth, clutching his hands against the sheets.
Nicholas asked, so Euijoo complied. He went harder. And Nicholas moaned, so lost in his unrequited love he was willing to take anything his best friend gave him to cherish it.
It was all Euijoo could give him anyway; because his affection belonged to Jinsol. The so beautiful and perfect Jinsol that he couldn’t shut the fuck up about.
Even after sex, even in bed, Euijoo would think about her. Nicholas didn’t count the times Euijoo stared at him after he cummed, dreamily talking about the love of his life.
The love of his life, indeed, wasn’t Wang Nicholas. Because Byun Euijoo wasn’t gay as liked to remind him.
“Fuck, your hole makes no sense.” Euijoo thrusted before whispering in his ear, “If you were a girl… Nicho. My Nicho. I would be madly in love with you…”
Nicholas’ heart clenched so hard in his chest it physically hurts. Nicholas hated himself for it; if he was a woman. If he was Jinsol, Euijoo would look at him and consider him as an option.
But Nicholas was Nicholas. He was the same old Nicholas, the Nicholas that went to school with Euijoo, the Nicholas Euijoo loved to fuck after a rough day.
The Nicholas that taught him pleasure, and the one he thanked with nothing but pitiful sex.
The Nicholas that was a man.
“I am close…” Euijoo growled, and maybe Nicholas was close too; moaning even louder under his best friend's thrusts.
“Fuck, Juju!”
He didn’t need to say more for Euijoo to kiss him, playing his tongue against Nicholas’ one, gently stroking the two wet muscles against each other. Euijoo was the first one to come, quickly followed by Nicholas who breathed hard; splashing both of their torsos when he came.
After the orgasm, Euijoo pulled out and lingered a kiss on Nicholas’s forehead. Then, he quickly got up to grab a wet towel and wiped them off.
The aftercare was considerate. Euijoo wasn’t an asshole; of course, he wouldn’t just take what he wanted and leave. He always made sure to take care of his best friend afterward, wiping him gently and kissing his cheeks.
Yet, nothing more. He wouldn’t dare. Euijoo wasn’t gay, why would he kiss Nicholas out of sexual intercourses?
“Well, I have to go. I promised Taki to help him with his Korean today,” Euijoo announced after a while.
Nicholas could only nod. It wasn’t like Euijoo was his boyfriend or anything. In moments like that, Euijoo was nothing more than someone who came to him to release some steam. And Nicholas let him, even though his heart ached. Because it seemed easy, because maybe, just maybe, if he let Euijoo take what he wanted, he would love him back.
On that last thought, Nicholas heard the front door closing in an irritating noise.
Euijoo was gone. He sighed.
“Well, it was maybe less pitiful than last time, but considering everything it still plenty is,” a voice said, startling Nicholas who turned pale at the intrusion.
Maki. Nicholas’ roommate and friend.
“What the fuck are you doing here?” Nicholas defensively asked.
“I live here too, you know?” Maki rolled his eyes, “It’s nice to know you wouldn’t hesitate to defile our couch without making sure I am gone.”
“You told me you were visiting your parent’s today!” Nicholas tried to defend.
“And my dad has an impromptu business trip… So I came back home! And here I was, cloistered in my room, forced to hear my roommate getting ass fucked on our couch by his straight crush.” Maki shakes his head, “I hope you cleaned up your mess.”
“I am sorry, I didn’t know.” Nicholas tried, “I really thought you weren’t here.”
“You owe me big time,” Maki said, walking to the fridge to grab a can of soda, “So, tell me, when are you going to confess your undying love for him? I mean, at this point, even the blindest guy on earth can see what’s going through your head.”
Nicholas pretended Maki’s call out didn’t faze him.
“You know it’s complicated,” he tried to dismiss.
“Yes, complicated and a bit pathetic,” Maki shrugged. “You should either confess or forget about him. It can’t be healthy.”
Fuck, he thought. As infuriating as it was, Maki was right. Over the past two years, all Nicholas had done was hurt himself over a guy who didn’t give a damn. A guy who only came to him when he was sexually frustrated because Nicholas had been dumb enough to let him take whatever he wanted.
But Nicholas is too in love.
If you were a woman, I would be in love with you.
—
Tonight everyone was invited at Yūdai's house. The house he bought with Fuma and in which they were probably going to have children and an awful Cavalier King Charles spaniel.
Tonight, Nicholas arrived just after finishing work — work he found out after earning his diploma about a year ago. Though bittersweet, Nicholas was happy to say goodbye to university life and felt content with his role as a personal trainer at a gym downtown.
“Nicho, you're here.” Euijoo smiled at him from the couch, sitting between Harua and Yuma.
“He still smells like sweat!” Taki remarked hastily.
These words earned a chuckle from Yūdai before he approached Nicholas, hugging him strongly.
“He doesn’t.” Yūdai said to Taki, “He smells rather good, in fact.”
Nicholas' eyes rolled at the idiocy of his friends, “I took a shower at work. What the hell.”
“He always smells good.” Euijoo gently defended and Nicholas has to bite his lips awfully strong to not beam at him.
“Yes, yes. He is your favorite friend, we know!” Taki protested to which Euijoo responded with a smile.
“How was your day?” Yūdai gently asked while guiding him to the sofa.
Nicholas shrugged, “Well, as good as work can be.”
He took place next to Fuma, two people away from Euijoo, and grabbed a can in front of him. Maybe it was someone else’s; but Nicholas unilaterally decided that it was his… He deserved the drink after having to deal with annoying customers all day long.
He opened it expertly, playing one of his fingers around the metal. From the other side of the room, Maki eyed him; a smirk plastered on his face. Nicholas grimaced at his mischief.
The conversation they had a few days ago came back to Nicholas’ mind in some sort of a flash. Maki should go to hell for always being right; and most of all, for always tormenting Nicholas’ soul.
The beer Nicholas held in his hands tasted funny. It was, for sure, some kind of budget beer Fuma bought: Yūdai hated alcohol, and hadn’t drank a drop since their uni days. He said, back in the days after getting awfully wasted on soju, that it was the last day he would ever touch alcohol. To everyone’s surprise and to this day: he still stuck to his words.
Nicholas said the same. And he didn’t.
The two faces of the same coin.
Nicholas got cut in his thoughts by Yūdai who sat next to him, circling his arm around his shoulders.
“It’s been a while since we last all gathered together!” He said, smiling. “It feels like I reunited with my children!”
Maybe Yūdai was too enthusiastic. Because most of them grunted at his words while Taki smiled, and Jo pouted.
“It’s true.” Fuma added, “When was the last time we all saw each other? Wasn’t it when Nicholas graduated? It’s been a while!”
Nicholas suppressed a sigh as Yūdai continued to hold him tightly. It wasn’t that Nicholas didn’t like affection; generally, he appreciated it when it came from his friends, but Nicholas was more concerned about what Yūdai was capable of.
Why?
Because the worst of them all when it came to nagging him about his lack of serious action was Yūdai. Easygoing most of the time, his older friend never passed up a chance to pester him about finally settling down with someone decent.
Yūdai wasn’t the type to judge people based on their romantic choices, but Nicholas was convinced he made an exception for him. Having practically grown up together, Yūdai knew all too well that Nicholas had never been the relationship type. And Nicholas knew he broke enough hearts to be considered a jerk, but it was never because he enjoyed it. No. Nicholas was only awful with people, clueless about emotions, and obsessing over the straightest guy he knew.
“You all grew up so well!” Yūdai continued to beam, “Look at you all! Everyone is almost out of university, and some of you have been working for a year!” he looked at Nicholas, “Haven’t you been caught fucking a customer already?” He then joked.
Everyone laughed at Yūdai’s attics, and Nicholas cringed at these words.
“I’m not in my uni days anymore.” Nicholas tried to dismiss.
But he earned from his oldest friend a guttural laugh while he tightened his grip around him.
“Don’t even try to lie to me!” Yūdai came back, “If it was the case, I am sure you would be settled with someone now. You’re still young, it’s okay to have fun.”
Yūdai grinned. He grinned, and Nicholas gulped. He was so obviously trying to be supportive with his lifestyle, it made him uneasy.
“Yes… I guess.” Nicholas dismissed.
That embarrassed answer seemed to work on his oldest friend who immediately dropped the subject to talk about something else with Jo and Harua. So, Nicholas let himself fall on the sofa; the leather engulfing his buffy shape. He started to play again with his can, drawing some unknown patterns on it while fixing right in front of him.
Fuck. That had been exhausting.
Almost mechanically, Nicholas decided, after five minutes or a bit more, to stand up, pretending he needed to go to the bathroom as his body screamed for a moment to breathe.
Instead, he made his way to the balcony, seeking refuge from the others. Once there, he buried his face in his hands and let out a long sigh.
“That’s a heavy sigh you just did,” Someone startled Nicholas.
But he didn’t need to turn around, as he would recognize him even blindfolded in a room full of a thousand people.
“Well, I guess I am not used to the nine of us hanging out together anymore,” Nicholas tried.
Euijoo hummed before taking place next to Nicholas. The stars were already up high in the sky and the only source of light illuminating both of them was some street lamps posted at the other side of the street.
“Yeah, it’s been a while,” Euijoo chuckled.
The silence following wasn’t scary or embarrassing. It was calm, and somehow warm. Nicholas felt at ease, and he easily guessed Euijoo was too. He breathed, looking right in front of him how beautifully cloaked in darkness the city was. How even more beautiful it would be if Euijoo was to make a move.
Nicholas’ mind was full of ‘ifs’. But, if he had to recreate the world right now, if he had to choose what would happen next, then Euijoo would be kissing him. Or rather, he would be kissing Euijoo; plunged in obscurity, only enlightened by the moon and some street lamps while they could hear, in the distance, their friends burst out laughing at one of Taki’s dummy jokes.
It was only ‘ifs’, because Euijoo did nothing but stand next to him. Nicholas turned his head, looking at his friend who was staring at the horizon. He saw his eyes shining, reflecting the very few sources of light.
“I’m sorry,” Euijoo said after a while.
“Why?” Nicholas asked, surprised.
“Yūdai hyung can be a lot.” Euijoo sighed, “I know he means well, but he was a bit insensitive back then.”
Oh.
“It’s not your fault.” Nicholas dismissed, “I mean, he’s always been like that. I know it’s just childish teasing.”
Silence.
“And I think he shouldn’t urge you to settle with anyone,” Euijoo finally turned his head to stare into Nicholas’ eyes.
Oh, if Euijoo was actually aware of what was going through Nicholas' head right now.
How in love he was. How he would leave anything to be with him.
“I guess I got used to it,” Nicholas shrugged, “I mean, it’s a bit bothersome; but at the end of the day, it’s still meaningless teasing. And… I guess he isn’t wrong.”
Nicholas saw Euijoo blinking a few times, a light grimace taking place on his round face. It almost made him chuckle.
“What do you mean?” his best friend frowned.
“I mean that, at some point, I’ll have to find someone and build a romantic relationship. I’m getting a bit old, I guess it’s time?”
“It’s not!” Euijoo hurriedly said before his eyes widened; as if surprised by his own outburst. He, then, scratched his throat, “I mean… It’s your choice to make. You shouldn’t let anyone pressure you into old-fashioned ways.”
Nicholas smiled, and noticed Euijoo’s ears becoming redder and redder. Cute Juju.
“Thank you for your concern, Juju.” He said wholeheartedly, “But I guess stars have to align for me to find someone. Until then, I guess I’ll stay the same old free soul I am.”
Euijoo seemed to be about to say something when they heard Maki’s voice yelling something, startling both of them out of their little world.
“Hey lovebirds!” He said, “Taki and Yuma want to go to Fireworks, Yūdai doesn’t seem reticent. Are you in?”
Euijoo and Nicholas stared at one another, and Nicholas’s the one to give an answer to Maki, while Euijoo blushed crazily.
“Yeah, I guess? Let me just grab a jacket.”
—
Fireworks was a club Nicholas often frequented when he was a bit younger. It was rather popular among students; mostly because alcohol was cheap and the music playing was never too outdated. As of now, a viral tube of the current pop hit-girl was playing while some people were dancing in the middle of the crowded and sweat-smelling room.
“It’s too crowded.” Euijoo hissed from behind Nicholas, “I hate it here.”
And Harua was faster to retort, “Well, why did you come? It’s not like we forced you!”
“To stay alone at Fuma and Yūdai’s? No, thanks. I prefer to be here and listen to some tasteless pop music.”
“I’m sure Nicholas would’ve stayed with you!” Taki threw, chuckling quietly.
Nicholas would have loved it if Taki was wrong with that statement.
“Well, I’m okay with going back to watch some anime,” Nicholas suggested.
“Well, we’re here now.” Euijoo sighed, “Let’s at least have a drink and decide if we want to stay or not.”
Nicholas nodded. It seemed like a good compromise. At least, they did not come here for nothing: and their mojito was, according to Fuma, the best in town.
“Wait for me at the bar.” Nicholas said to Taki, Harua and Yuma who were standing next to him, “I need to use the bathroom.”
“Didn’t you go earlier?” Yuma asked, utterly lost.
“Idiot…!” Nicholas could hear Harua whisper loudly at Yuma while he walked towards the bathroom, “He didn’t, he hid on the balcony because Yūdai was being annoying!”
Nicholas heard a faint ‘oh’ coming from Yuma before he walked through some alcoholized young people; or rather ‘corpses’ as he would call them now. Some guys that looked like students were dead meat and it made Nicholas chuckle lightly. Whose business was it to get hammered at 11PM? Not Nicholas’ for sure.
When Nicholas came back to his friends, Euijoo was gone; which was unusual. Euijoo was shy and socially awkward. He wasn’t one to strike up conversation as his avoidant nature made it sometimes difficult for him to have social interactions.
“Nicholas!” Yuma smiled, “Take place, I ordered you a mojito.”
Nicholas blinked a few times. Yuma had initially been one of Euijoo’s friends, someone he had met in the past few years. They quickly bonded, and Yūdai wasted no time in adopting him as a little brother.
Though Nicholas and Yuma weren’t particularly close, he liked the younger boy. In fact, he considered him a friend. After all, any friend of Euijoo’s was, by extension, a friend of his.
“Oh. Thank you,” Nicholas politely said.
Euijoo wasn’t here, but mojito is indeed divine; Fuma did not lie.
“Where are the others?” Nicholas finally asked.
He had no interest in knowing where everyone was; actually, he could see Maki not far away talking to Jo and Yūdai laughing with Fuma, Harua and Taki.
No.
What Nicholas really wanted to know was Euijoo’s location.
“He met a friend of his,” Yuma answered, elusive. “He went with her.”
He went with her.
Nicholas frowned. Euijoo had very few female friends, and Nicholas, being a bit of a paranoid possessive mess, couldn’t help but imagine the worst whenever his painfully straight crush was out spending time with a woman.
Maybe it was only one of Harua's cousin's friends.
Yes. It must be it. Nothing more, nothing less.
“Oh? One of the girls is here? I didn’t know Saku was out tonight, Harua told me she worked at the coffee shop downtown and had to wake up early every morning,” Nicholas said, trying to get some information out of Yuma.
Yuma immediately watched Nicholas, frowning his colored medium-blonde eyebrows before sipping a bit of his drink: that’s how Nicholas noticed Yuma actually ordered something for himself.
“Huh?” Yuma seemed lost in his thoughts before he smiled, “Saku is not here. In fact, it’s not one of her friends! Look, here they are!”
Yuma pointed at Euijoo who stood in the corner of the room. He was talking with a woman. Nicholas frowned. From where he was, he couldn’t distinguish her well, but her silhouette was beautifully sculpted with bony hips displayed in a pair of low-waisted jeans.
“Who is she?” Nicholas asked.
Yuma watched him, “You don’t know her? She is Euijoo’s crush, Jinsol!”
She is Jinsol.
She is Jinsol and Nicholas’s world just crumbled.
She is Jinsol, the same Jinsol Nicholas spends hours idealizing.
She was so obviously better than him, Nicholas allowed himself to take another look. She was laughing at something Euijoo just said while he seemed way too focused on their conversation.
As if nothing existed anymore.
As if he hadn’t suggested having a drink before going back home right after.
As if Nicholas was nothing.
It hurts. It hurts deeply because Nicholas totally understood why Euijoo was attracted to her. She was beautiful, and absolutely perfect for him. They had the same round face and adorable smile.
When she made Euijoo laugh in return, Nicholas grimaced.
“Are you okay?” Yuma gently asked, getting Nicholas out of his internal turmoil.
“I am. Sorry. I’ve never seen her, I guess it surprised me,” Nicholas blatantly lied before drinking a huge gulp of his mojito.
Getting wasted on rum seemed like a fucking good idea right now; because alcohol was the best to wallow his sorrow.
Suddenly, from his peripheral vision, Nicholas saw Euijoo move hastily. And when turned his head to see them better, his heart broke into pieces.
Euijoo had one hand on Jinsol’s hip. The second was holding her cheek. They were kissing. Deep and languorously. Right in front of Nicholas who couldn’t do anything but watch the scene unfold before his eyes.
Euijoo was kissing the girl of his dreams. The girl he talked about for years. The girl he loved so much Nicholas had to teach him how to have sex to fulfill her needs. Of course, Nicholas had always been the ‘other woman’ in that entanglement; he was the teacher, the good friend that accepted to help, Euijoo’s walking-hole. Yet, watching the scene, pitifully sitting in the club, was a harsh comeback to reality.
Without warning, Nicholas felt two hands on his cheeks forcing him to look the other way. He was instantly greeted by Yuma’s dark orbs, a sad smile on his face.
“Look at me,” Yuma whispered so softly Nicholas had to read on his lips.
Nicholas did. He saw in Yuma’s eyes something comforting. The blonde was sadly smiling as if he knew something, painfully aware of Nicholas’s current situation.
“Are you in love with him?” he asked.
And Nicholas nodded, because words couldn’t escape his throat as a single tear slid down his face. It was the first time he had admitted it to someone other than Maki. And maybe Nicholas felt a little lighter now that he didn’t have to watch the love of his life kissing his own love of his life.
“Nicholas… I am so sorry.” Yuma muttered while drying the single drop on Nicholas’ face, “It must have been so hard for you. It’s unfair.”
Nicholas nodded again. Euijoo was unfair, and Nicholas was in love. These two affirmations were inextricably linked.
“Euijoo is looking at us.” Yuma said, “Do you trust me?”
Did he trust Yuma? The younger was basically a stranger for him; while he was close with Yūdai, Harua and Euijoo, Nicholas never truly had a conversation with him before he decided, in that club, to share with him his most shameful secret.
But against all odds, Nicholas nodded once again.
Yuma kissed him out of the blue. Their lips meet slowly and Nicholas didn’t close his eyes through the kiss. The kiss itself displayed no emotion; Nicholas was sitting straight, letting Yuma do the job. For a few seconds, Yuma kept his eyes open looking right behind them before closing them. Then, he kissed him more vigorously, as if he meant it, and Nicholas let himself go with the flow.
“Don’t worry, just trust me,” Yuma whispered against Nicholas’ lips, “You’ll follow me out of the club.”
And Nicholas didn’t need to agree when Yuma stood up to go gather his things while Nicholas was still sitting at the bar.
He closed his eyes for a few seconds, just enough to feel. No one was probably looking at him, not now, not when he was this pitiful.
Nicholas sighed.
He sighed, and Euijoo was already long gone with the woman he loved.
It was time for Nicholas to grieve.
“I don’t think it was a good idea,” someone voices from behind him.
“Leave me alone Maki,” Nicholas grumbled.
“I’m here to stop you from making even more of a mistake. You should thank me,” Maki said, taking place next to Nicholas, “It’s not by trying to make him jealous that you’ll arrange things. In fact, I think you’ll only end up hurting both of you.”
Hurting both of them? Nicholas has to laugh. It was not like Euijoo was actively thinking about what Nicholas was doing at the moment.
The only one hurting right now was most probably Nicholas.
“Why?” Nicholas asks, anyway.
“Because Euijoo is in love with you, he is just too closeted to realize,” Maki rolled his eyes. “Nicholas. Don’t follow fucked up plans as a revenge. It’s not a good idea.”
Nicholas bitterly laughed. Euijoo? In love with him? Maki was ridiculous, and Nicholas had to pinch himself to make sure it wasn’t some kind of wild dream.
“I think rum already got the best of me because I am too drunk and emotionally unstable to match your freak,” Nicholas finally stated. “If what you just said is advice; thank you but no thanks. If it’s any other thing; fuck off.”
“Well, don’t listen to me then.” Maki said, “But don’t come back crying.”
A deserved ‘shut up’ died on Nicholas’s tongue when Yuma came back, a smirk on his lips.
“I guess it’s time to take our leaves,” Yuma says politely to Maki who shakes his head. “It was nice. Thank you for tonight!”
Fortunately, Yuma was nice and loved by everyone. So, instead of giving him nasty eyes, as he did to Nicholas, Maki smiled at him. It irritated Nicholas, who decided to not point it out and got up, grabbing Yuma’s hand in his as a provocation.
Maki mouthed something to Nicholas.
Nicholas didn’t understand, and it was better this way.
Maki facepalmed, and Nicholas accompanied by Yuma were already out of the club.
—
“So, you’re in love with Euijoo,” Yuma stated with his characteristic nasal tone once they settled in his flat.
Nicholas longly stared at him, the effect of the mojito he drank earlier was wearing off. Fuck. He told one of Euijoo’s few friends his biggest secret. And the said Euijoo’s few friends wasn’t really one of Nicholas’ friends but more of a pup Yūdai, once again, gathered from the street.
Great.
Still, now that Nicholas was sitting on Yuma’s sofa, a cup of hot tea steaming in front of him: he felt like he had no reason to hide the truth.
Things were already too messy.
“I’ve been in love with him since high school, I think.” Nicholas overshared, “But he is straight. So I’m just looking at him from afar.”
Yuma stared at him for a long time, maybe trying to decipher Nicholas’ expression or maybe lost in his thoughts. Yet, after a while, the younger sighed while shaking his head, a slight smile on his face.
“I’m sorry I kissed you.” Yuma said, “He was looking at us. I guessed it was the best thing to do, but he was gone when I looked back at him.”
“It’s okay,” Nicholas dismissed, “I’m sure he doesn’t care. He must be fucking that girl at the moment.”
“Still, it wasn’t fair.” Yuma shrugged, “I think Euijoo is an idiot.”
Nicholas blinked crazily at the younger boy. Yuma was fascinating, as if nothing could ever bother him. He had that confidence in his eyes, something people often saw in Nicholas too.
“Why?” Nicholas dared to ask.
“Because he has everything to be happy but he is scared shitless.” The younger rolled his eyes, “I can’t believe he is going as far as fucking that girl.”
“Well… He’s been in love with her for years,” Nicholas said with difficulty.
Yuma fell silent again like he was internally pondering if he could or couldn’t say something important to Nicholas.
“Yes, indeed. He’s been in love for years.” Is the only thing the younger said before grabbing his own cup of tea (why the hell was a japanese guy drinking tea so late at night? Nicholas had no idea. Though, Yuma said it was healthy, so, Nicholas couldn’t decline.), “And I’m in love with Jo.” He finally dropped.
Nicholas gasped, “What?! Why did you kiss me, then?!”
“You’re in love with Euijoo, why did you kiss me?” Yuma accused back.
“Because you told me to trust you! Do I have to remind you that I am heartbroken?” Nicholas rebelled.
Yuma only laughed, “It’s okay. I know he’ll understand.”
Nicholas frowned, “You are so weird.”
And Yuma smiled, “You too.”
—
Euijoo went missing in action for a week after he finally concluded with his longtime crush.
And it shouldn’t bother Nicholas. Both of them were adults; Euijoo had the right to go out of radar for a while. And, he didn’t have to keep Nicholas updated on absolutely everything.
But it was bothersome. Nicholas was bothered. Because Euijoo was supposed to be his best friend; and what best friend, even at the ripe age of twenty-two, would hide something as important as ‘i-finally-pulled-the-love-of-my-life’.
Nicholas gritted his teeth. Customers were particularly annoying today. One of them even brought their child who couldn’t stop crying because ‘I am sorry Nicho but his babysitter is sick’.
Hopefully, he was assigned to teach a zumba class this evening; that seemed like a lighthouse in the dark night that was his life.
“Okay,” Nicholas clapped his hands, “Follow me ladies!” he said to a bunch of middle-aged women who could barely imitate him.
The music pounded in Nicholas’ head. Maybe it was what he needed. Another night at the club to meet the man of his dreams who would, finally, take care of him and make him forget about his Ponyo-faced-best-friend.
“Ok girls!” Nicholas smiled, “Last song!”
They cheered, and Nicholas put one another upbeat music to dance to. They followed him carefully, while Nicholas often clapped to motivate them.
Soon enough, the last song ended, and Nicholas bowed to each of his students leaving the dancing room. He was out of breath. Tired. But his shift ended, which was a win.
Before heading to the locker room to change, he took a moment to tidy up the dance studio. As he did, he couldn’t help but think about how Maki would have loved to help; he had once mentioned finding cleaning oddly satisfying.
When Nicholas turned around, someone was standing by the door.
“Juju?” Nicholas asked, in awe.
Euijoo scratched his neck, “Nicho.”
They stared at each other and nobody dared to talk.
Yet, Euijoo was the one to break the silence, “It’s been a while.”
“Yeah. A week,” Nicholas said.
“How’s life going?” Euijoo asked, and Nicholas shivered.
Why was the atmosphere so tense?
“Well, nothing new.” Nicholas tried to brush it off, “I’m still the same old Nicho I was a few days ago. Work is kicking me in the ass… And you?”
“It’s okay,” Euijoo said, clearly uncomfortable. “Do you want to go drink something with me? I have to tell you something.”
Nicholas stared at Euijoo, a dull ache settling in his stomach.
Well, here comes nothing.
He gave a small nod. “I just need to change and take a quick shower. It’s been a long day. Maybe we can meet up outside the gym? I won’t be long.”
“Alright,” Euijoo replied.
After showering and changing himself, Nicholas met Euijoo outside the gym. His best friend was leaning against a railing, hands tucked into his pockets. Wind ruffled his hair, and Nicholas felt his cheeks flush.
Euijoo was handsome. More than ever. But he wasn’t his. And that thought made him want to scream.
“Juju, I’m here,” Nicholas called out.
“Let’s go sit somewhere,” Euijoo suggested, and Nicholas nodded.
There was an unfamiliar distance between them; something unusual. Nicholas and Euijoo were always glued to each other. But now, Nicholas couldn’t reach out to grab Euijoo’s hand as he walked a few steps ahead.
When they arrived at the café, a waiter led them to a secluded table. Nicholas sat across from Euijoo, who looked tense, his fingers fidgeted restlessly and his gaze fixed anywhere but on Nicholas.
Nicholas was the one to break the silence. “You wanted to tell me something?”
Euijoo exhaled slowly, finally meeting his eyes for a few seconds. Nicholas noticed the slight glimmer in them.
“I think we should stop… Whatever we’ve been doing,” Euijoo said bluntly.
Nicholas let out a slow sigh. Maybe this was what he needed to finally let go of the love he had been holding onto for too many years.
“Alright,” Nicholas admitted. “Can I ask why?”
Their conversation was interrupted as the waiter arrived with their drinks: a smoothie for Euijoo, a hot chocolate for Nicholas.
But Nicholas wasn’t thirsty anymore. Though, out of politeness, he took a sip and the heat slightly burned down his tongue.
“Jinsol and I… We’re together,” Euijoo announced.
Of course.
Nicholas summoned every last ounce of strength within him to keep from breaking down right at the moment. How could his best friend be so heartless? He felt sick. Used.
Has Nicholas ever been anything more than just a distraction?
“I see,” Nicholas said mechanically. “Congratulations.”
A brief silence settled between them.
“I plan on introducing her to everyone,” Euijoo added. “I didn’t want to keep it from you.”
Nicholas took a deep breath. All he wanted was to run: to go to Yūdai’s place and lose himself in the warmth of Fuma and Yūdai’s arms.
But instead, he kept his head high. He forced a smile as he met Euijoo’s gaze. His best friend looked at him with an unreadable expression.
“I’m sure everyone will be thrilled to meet her,” Nicholas said before glancing at his phone. “Oh, Maki just texted me. I need to go.”
A lie.
But he couldn’t stay any longer with the man who had just shattered his heart.
He pulled out a bill, enough to cover his drink, then stood up, offering Euijoo a polite nod before walking away.
The moment he stepped outside, the cold air hit his face like a slap.
A few steps later, the first sob broke past his lips.
Shit.
—
Bae Jinsol was so beautiful and better than Nicholas that Nicholas wanted to die. That’s what he concluded when she started to obnoxiously laugh with Yūdai who already seemed to be fond of her.
The introduction with Jinsol was simple. Euijoo came into the living room, a beautiful blonde holding his hand, and told everyone that she was ‘Jinsol, my girlfriend’.
All of their friends beamed. Some of them clapped. Nicholas stayed still.
From afar, Jinsol seemed like a goddess. Up close, she was absolutely perfect.
And Nicholas couldn’t even say Euijoo and Jinsol weren’t a beautiful couple. Because they looked like they came straight out of a magazine. It enraged him.
Euijoo isn’t his. Euijoo is his best friend. But they’ve been fucking for years. So, Euijoo was technically a little his too.
It made no sense. Nicholas was aware.
And if that wasn’t enough, besides being the most breathtaking woman imaginable, Jinsol also had an incredible personality. Nicholas had never seen anyone blend into the group so easily.
She was sitting next to Yūdai. And Yūdai, being the most extroverted extrovert Nicholas ever met, was obviously having a very heated conversation with her. They kept on bursting out laughing.
Nicholas wanted to die, again.
He couldn’t even hate Jinsol. She was, as Euijoo already stated, the best. And Nicholas couldn’t even begin to compare.
So, after he finished his second can of beer, Nicholas got up. The balcony sounded like a better place to wallow in misery. And, nobody would notice his departure; all of them were too engrossed with the new addition.
It was cold. But the temperature was slowly heating up these days. March was coming to an end, and spring would soon be just around the corner.
Nicholas looked at the stars. Last time he was there, Euijoo came out of nowhere to beg him to not get a boyfriend.
Today, Euijoo was too busy with his perfect girlfriend that was so-much-better than Nicholas.
Laughable.
Nicholas grabbed something in his pocket. Desperate times would, indeed, call for desperate measures.
Nicholas hated smoking. It stank, and he always spent more time coughing than really enjoying the thing. Yet, tonight, smoking felt like a good idea. Nicholas was pathetic.
He put the thing between his lips, and brought the lighter to enlighten it.
He coughed.
The cigarette suddenly slipped from his lips, startling him. He turned around to see Fuma, who wasted no time tossing it off the balcony.
Nicholas watched the enlightened stick fall two floors below.
“Don’t be an idiot, Nicho,” The older said, taking place next to him.
Both of them were sitting on the cold concrete of the balcony.
“Leave me alone,” Nicholas said.
“I won’t,” Fuma embraced him. “I hate seeing you sad.”
Nicholas sighed before resting his head on his shoulder.
“So you know?”
That I am in love with him.
“Who doesn’t?” Fuma asked.
Nicholas laughed humorlessly, “Him.”
Fuma hummed.
“I feel like I lost years of my life running after something that never really belonged to me,” Nicholas sighed, “I am so fucking dumb.”
“Feelings are never dumb,” Fuma stated, “I think all of us would have liked another outcome for both of you. I… Am personally not sure about it yet. But Nicho, don’t think you’re not worth it because things aren’t going the way you would want it to.”
“I am sad and heartbroken,” Nicholas spat, “He never lied to me. He always was very clear about being in love with her. So, why do I feel like he betrayed me? Why do I feel like he did lie to me?”
Fuma grabbed his hand, and Nicholas played with his long fingers.
“Because you are in love,” Fuma said, “I’m not really sure what your entanglement was about, but I know it was always more than friendship. I don’t want to talk in his place, but I know you’re special to him.”
“Wow, I am so special,” Nicholas threw ironically, “That’s why he went and fucked that girl when I am right here.”
“Nicholas…”
The first tear rolled down Nicholas’s face naturally as he stared ahead, his fingers still absentmindedly playing with Fuma’s.
God, it hurts.
He hadn’t expected this. His heart was completely crushed beyond recognition leaving him powerless.
“He told me,” Nicholas started bitterly. “He told me that if I was a woman, he’d be madly in love with me,” His grip on Fuma’s hand tightened. “But does that even matter? Whether I’m a woman or whatever, I’m me. Isn’t that enough to be loved ?”
“I’m really sorry, Nicho. That was incredibly insensitive of him,” Fuma sighed. “I’m sure he doesn’t mean to hurt you, and I know he cares about you deeply. But I also think he’s lost. And one day, sooner or later, he’ll realize his mistake. Maybe by then it’ll be too late. Maybe he’ll find a way to make things right. But what I want for you, Nicho, is to live for yourself, to leave all of this behind you.”
“How?” Nicholas choked out a sob. “How do you expect me to just leave behind the love of my life ?”
He had heard about heartbreak before. He read about it in novels, and already spent weeks consoling Maki after his first breakup.
But Nicholas never experienced it.
Because Wang Nicholas didn’t get heartbroken, he was the one who caused heartbreak.
Until now.
Until Byun Euijoo.
And now, all he wanted to do was to bury himself six feet underground and never come back.
So he pressed his forehead against Fuma’s comforting shoulder, allowing himself to cry his heart out.
To cry until he had no voice left.
To cry until exhaustion took over.
Because if nothing else, his love for Euijoo deserved that much.
—
Nicholas had been moping, and Maki couldn’t stand it any longer.
“Listen,” Maki started, “Harua is throwing a party tonight, and he invited his Korean friends.”
“And why should I care?” Nicholas asked, dark circles under his eyes.
He couldn’t even remember the last time he took a proper shower. All he knew was that he had spent the entire weekend locked in his room, mourning a relationship that never really started.
“This information is important,” Maki continued. “Because most of them are gay and single.”
“And?” Nicholas rolled his eyes.
“And you are gay, single, and in desperate need of a good time. So you’re going to put on this adorable crop top, add a little blush, do your eyeliner, and follow me to Rua’s party so you can finally think about something else than that guy.”
Nicholas blinked, “I’m not interested.”
“I don’t care,” Maki clicked his tongue. “You have one hour to get ready. Whether you are or not, I will drag you there. So at least take a shower unless you want to embarrass yourself.”
Great.
Nicholas hoped for a few days of peace, but of course, Maki had to barge in at 8PM on a Sunday, when Nicholas had to work the next day, to force him to attend one of Harua’s many parties.
And the worst part? Nicholas believed Maki’s threats. The younger was full of tricks and would for sure follow through with his plan.
With no motivation, Nicholas took a shower before getting dressed and did his everything just as Maki had instructed; crop top, blush, eye liner. He didn’t need much to feel pretty.
He glanced at himself in the mirror. He did look good. His sharp eyes and dark gaze could be intimidating at first, but when he smiled, his features softened.
His mother and sister often told him his face was incredibly expressive. A reflection of his soul. Nicholas used to roll his eyes at these words, but right now, as he stared at his own tired face, dark circles barely visible thanks to concealer, and a smile that struggled to look genuine, he wondered if they weren’t right after all.
He suddenly thought about what he must have looked like whenever he looked at Euijoo. His eyes must have sparkled because Nicholas had always been completely, hopelessly in love with him.
Has Euijoo ever noticed?
Maybe. But anyway, his best friend didn’t seem concerned about him. Even after Nicholas left Yūdai and Fuma’s place early, pretending to have a stomachache (when in reality, he had spent the entire evening crying into Fuma’s chest while Jinsol’s bright laughter echoed in the background).
“You’re ready!” Maki beamed.
The younger man had slicked-back hair, a tight-fitting shirt, and low-rised jeans. He looked stunning, the glitter above his eyes catching the light.
“I figured I didn’t have a choice,” Nicholas sighed. “But if I get tired of it, I’m leaving.”
“You won’t get tired of it,” Maki smirked. “Rua’s friends are really nice, you’ll see.”
“I’ll take your word for it.”
The trip to Harua’s apartment was thankfully short. Nicholas couldn’t have handled staying on public transport for much longer.
For some reason, Maki had a keycard to the building. Nicholas knew he and Harua were close, but the exact label on their relationship had always been a mystery. Nicholas wasn’t the type to pry into his friends’ personal lives, so he never asked.
If Maki ever needed advice, he knew where to find him.
“Harua-chan!” Maki called as soon as they stepped inside.
The bunny-like boy instantly threw himself at Maki, wrapping him in a hug.
“Maki! You came… And you brought Nicho-chan with you!” he grinned.
Nicholas giggled in response.
Harua wasn’t the youngest in their group; Taki and Maki were younger, but anyone who met him would swear he was the little brother.
“Maki told me I had to meet your Korean friends… And since I wanted to practice, I tagged along.”
Of course, that wasn’t the entire truth. But who could blame him?
“Oh! But you could just practice with Euijoo hyung!” Harua laughed.
Nicholas forced a smile.
“Never mind that! Come on, I think Heeseung hyung went downstairs to grab drinks with Niki-kun, but everyone else is here!”
Harua grabbed Nicholas’ hand and pulled him into the crowded living room.
So many people. Way too many people. Nicholas felt like he might pass out.
How did Harua even know this many people?
“Sunoo hyung!” Harua called out to a young man, who turned around with a bright smile.
“Haru-chan!” Sunoo called out cheerfully.
The young Korean man was surrounded by two taller guys. One of them looked like he had stepped straight out of a K-drama, with dark hair and a serious expression. The other had a subtle smirk on his lips. Nicholas, accompanied by Harua and Maki, walked toward them.
“Nicho-chan, Maki-chan, this is Sunoo-hyung! Next to him is his boyfriend, Sunghoon hyung, and on the other side is Jay hyung,” Harua introduced, pointing at each of them.
Maki and Nicholas bowed, and the three men returned the gesture.
“It’s a pleasure to meet you,” Maki was the first to speak. “I’ve heard a lot about you.”
“And I’ve heard just as much about you!” Sunoo said enthusiastically. “Haru-chan never shuts up about you two!”
“I hope it’s nothing bad,” Nicholas teased, earning a light smack from Harua.
“Of course not!”
Nicholas chuckled before his gaze landed on the third man in the group : Jay.
Jay was staring at him, almost too intently. It amused Nicholas.
“I’m going to get a drink,” Nicholas announced before walking right past him, just close enough to brush by him.
Oh, Nicholas always knew how to play the game.
He made his way to the kitchen which was, thankfully, empty. Grabbing a glass, he poured himself some white wine and leaned against the counter, facing the door.
Then, he counted in his head.
Four. Three. Two. One.
Right on cue, the door opened.
Nicholas looked up to find Jay standing there, eyes locking onto him from across the room. Nicholas smirked mischievously.
“Need something?” he asked nonchalantly, taking a slow sip from his glass.
Jay didn’t seem particularly fazed. Nicholas liked that.
“Actually, I was looking for you,” Jay admitted honestly.
“Jay, right?” Nicholas asked, running his finger along the rim of his glass.
Screw Euijoo, who was probably having an amazing night with his girlfriend. Nicholas deserved to have fun too.
“My friends call me that. I grew up in the U.S. But my real name is Jongseong,” Jay said as he grabbed a beer.
“Oooh, I see,” Nicholas replied smoothly in flawless English before switching to Korean, “Jongseong.”
“I figured someone named Nicholas probably wasn’t Japanese,” Jay joked. “Did you grow up in the States too?”
“You flatter me. I think I have a slight accent when I speak English,” Nicholas admitted. “But no, I’m neither Japanese nor American. My native language is Mandarin, I’m Taiwanese.”
Jay nodded before taking a sip of his beer.
“I won’t embarrass myself by attempting to say something in Mandarin just to impress you. I’d probably sound ridiculous. And I think you’ve already won in the multilingual department,” Jay smiled.
“I speak four languages fluently, but I doubt that’s what you’re really interested in,” Nicholas smirked. “I assume you came here for something else, mh?”
A grin spread across Jay’s face as he let out a small chuckle. At least Nicholas didn’t beat around the bush.
“I think you’re stunning,” Jay admitted.
“And?” Nicholas tilted his head slightly.
“And I’d love to take you home tonight,” Jay finally said.
Nicholas laughed, downing the rest of his wine in one go. That little bit of alcohol was enough to get him tipsy. He took a step closer to Jay, gently placing two fingers under his chin before whispering,
“No, I’m taking you home.” He emphasized the ‘I’ with a teasing smile. “Is that good with you?”
Jay nodded eagerly.
Jay was good at sex and made Nicholas' first time (after a while) with someone other than Euijoo absolutely divine.
Jay’s waist was tiny, but not as tiny as Euijoo’s. He made Nicholas moan high, but maybe not as high as Euijoo could. Still, Jay was one of the best fuck Nicholas had in a while; because Jay wanted for rough and Nicholas needed rough.
Maybe Nicholas didn’t lose too much experience after these two years. And as much as he liked being Euijoo’s little playtoy; he missed this feeling.
They fucked two rounds, enough for Nicholas to fall asleep on the bed while Jay did some kind of aftercare.
And, when Nicholas woke up, Jay was gone… But a slight scent of scrambled eggs lingered in the air.
Nicholas got up with difficulty, still feeling sore from the night before. He stretched and yawned as he slowly made his way out of his bedroom.
He immediately came face to face with Jay, who was in the kitchen preparing breakfast. A small smile crept onto Nicholas’s lips as he walked over him.
“That’s so sweet of you!” Nicholas said, pressing a quick kiss to Jay’s cheek. “I wasn’t expecting any of this.”
“I hate leaving without saying goodbye,” Jay admitted. “I hope you don’t mind that I looked into your fridge.”
“A good breakfast is always welcome,” Nicholas joked.
He hopped onto the counter, watching Jay dressed in nothing but a tank top finish cooking. Maybe Nicholas could get used to this sight. Jay was everything he looked for in a man: attractive, thoughtful, and with some game.
So far, Jay checked every box.
Maybe, in the end, letting Maki drag him to Harua’s party last night wasn’t such a bad idea.
Nicholas snapped out of his thoughts when Jay placed a plate in front of him. He nodded in thanks before picking up his chopsticks and taking a bite of the omelet.
“This is delicious!” Nicholas said, his mouth still full. Jay responded with a satisfied smile.
“My dad’s a chef,” Jay revealed. “I picked up the basics. But this is nothing special. I could make you something much better.”
He shot Nicholas a playful wink, making him laugh.
“I’d love that.”
They ate their breakfast at a relaxed pace, sharing stories and getting to know each other. That’s how Nicholas learned that Jay was born in Seattle but moved to Korea when he was nine. He still spoke English well, though, and was an only child. Nicholas also opened up a bit, mentioning his mother and sister back in Taiwan, his initial plan to study in Korea, and how he ended up in Japan, where his father had decided to settle.
Lost in their conversation, Nicholas didn’t notice the time. When he finally glanced at his phone, his eyes widened in shock, and he jumped to his feet.
“Shit! I have work this afternoon, I need to get ready!” He glanced toward the front door. “Do you want me to drop you off somewhere? I was planning to head in a little early today.”
Jay smiled and gratefully accepted the offer as Nicholas rushed to the bathroom for a much-needed shower. He would have loved to stay under the hot water for hours, but after a few minutes, he forced himself out, dried off, and quickly dressed in fresh clothes.
He stepped into the living room, towel still draped over his head only to find Jay was no longer alone.
Nicholas blinked several times.
What…?
“Euijoo?” Nicholas asked, stunned.
His best friend stood up, his expression unreadable. As always, Euijoo towered over Nicholas, which never failed to irritate him. Why did he have to be that long?
Nicholas quickly turned to Jay, who met his gaze with an apologetic look.
What the hell is going on?
“W-What are you doing here?” Nicholas stammered.
“What are you doing?” Euijoo shot back.
The tension in the room was ice-cold, so cold Nicholas barely recognized his best friend. Euijoo, who was usually so kind and affectionate, looked like he was about to explode.
“Look, I didn’t know he had a boyfriend,” Jay said to Euijoo, stepping in. “If I had, I wouldn’t have done anything. But I think you two have a lot to talk about.” He made his way to the door. “Nicholas, thanks for having me.”
Nicholas’s eyes widened in shock.
“He’s not my-” he started, but Euijoo cut him off.
“Good riddance,” Euijoo muttered as Jay walked out.
Once Jay was gone, Nicholas and Euijoo were left alone, standing in the middle of the living room, locked in a silent standoff. At some point, the towel had slipped from Nicholas’s head and fallen to the floor.
Their eyes burned with anger as they stared each other down.
“What the hell was that?” Euijoo finally broke the silence.
Nicholas had never seen him this furious before. But instead of making him nervous, it only fueled his own anger.
“What do you mean what was that?!” Nicholas snapped. “You just scared off a potential boyfriend!”
Euijoo’s expression twisted into something unreadable.
“I scared off a potential boyfriend?” Euijoo pointed at himself. “You were actually planning to date him? Nicho, he only wants you for your body. I know guys like that!”
“Oh, you know guys like that?” Nicholas scoffed. “That’s funny because so far you’ve been acting like one!”
A heavy silence settled between them. Nicholas watched as Euijoo pressed his tongue against the inside of his cheek, forming a slight bulge.
Shit. Even while furious, all Nicholas wanted to do was to kiss him.
“Excuse me…?” Euijoo furrowed. “I always took care of you! You’re my best friend!”
Nicholas blinked several times.
Fuck, Euijoo was handsome
Fuck, Nicholas was crazy about him.
And fuck, he was acting like an asshole.
Nicholas ran his hands through his hair, pushing a few dark strands away from his eyes, “What do you want from me? Why are you here?”
“Now I can’t visit my best friend?” Euijoo snapped. “I didn’t realize I had to worry about some random guy being balls-deep into you when I wanted to stop by!”
That was the last straw.
“What’s wrong with you?!” Nicholas shouted, grabbing a pillow from the couch to throw it past Euijoo.
“What’s wrong with you!” Euijoo shouted back. “First Yuma, now this guy?!”
Oh.
Oh. So that’s what all of this was about.
Nicholas took a deep breath and let out a slow exhale.
Then, with quiet finality, he said, “You.”
“Me?” Euijoo’s brow creased.
“You.”
And like two starving beasts, they crashed into each other in a fiery, desperate kiss.
This wasn’t like their usual kisses. No. There was something fiercer about it, as if they were trying to devour each other while battling for dominance.
Yet, soon enough, Euijoo grabbed Nicholas’ thighs, urging him to wrap them around his tiny waist as he carried him toward the bed.
Nicholas let out a small huff when he landed on the mattress, Euijoo hovered over him; feline, intense, and unlike his usual self.
“Juju…” Nicholas muttered as Euijoo attacked his neck with his teeth, leaving behind a trail of love bites.
“Nicho,” Euijoo sighed. “ My Nicho.”
His Nicho. Nicholas closed his eyes for a moment, allowing himself to imagine what it would be like to truly be Euijoo’s.
But he wasn’t. Because the younger man was still in a relationship, and there was nothing Nicholas could do about it.
“Juju…” Nicholas sighed, once again.
He sounded pathetic, he was aware.
Soon enough, Euijoo took his clothes off into a heated kiss and Nicholas did the same.
When they were finally naked, in Nicholas’ huge bed, the older couldn’t help but moan languidly because saying he missed Euijoo wasn’t an understatement.
“You’re so beautiful and pretty.” Euijoo contemplated with a soft voice while grabbing some lube from Nicholas’ nightstand.
Usually, Nicholas would have hated it. Nicholas was fierce, he had a piercing gaze and everyone who weren’t familiar with him were, at least, slightly impressed by his sharp looking face.
Yet, laying in front of Euijoo, spreading wide for him, while his best friend’s wet fingers touched his intimacy for the first time in a while; Nicholas accepted the compliment.
If Euijoo wanted, Nicholas was indeed ‘pretty’.
“I missed you…” Euijoo muttered in Nicholas’ ear when one of his fingers penetrated his tight warmth.
Nicholas almost cum off the bat.
“Fuck. Juju. You’re not fair!” Nicholas exclaimed, restraining a moan when he felt a second long finger sliding inside him.
Euijoo chuckled at Nicholas’ complaints.
He chuckled, and Nicholas groaned; Euijoo was lucky Nicholas had a soft spot for him.
Euijoo took his sweet time to prepare Nicholas. Not that Nicho really needed it, but the younger one was even more meticulous than before. He fingered him, long and slow, while muttering some things Nicholas sometimes didn’t get.
Then, as they were slowly kissing, Nicholas sighed against Euijoo’s lips.
“You should fuck me,” Nicholas called.
And Euijoo grunted. He grunted and put some lube on Nicholas’ hole.
“Let me go raw,” Euijoo asked.
And Nicholas froze for a bit.
There was this line they never crossed in two years of sleeping together. A line they never really talked about, but both knew would mean something important if they ever dared to cross it.
Nicholas was clean. He was so obviously clean, since he didn’t sleep with any guys but Jay last night who assured him everything was okay with him.
And as a friend of Harua, Nicholas trusted his words.
But, was it enough for him to be entirely sure? Probably not.
“I… I’ve been clean for a long time but…” Nicholas bit his lip.
“But…?” Euijoo gently pressured.
“But I slept with someone last night,” Nicholas said, hiding his face behind his hands.
It was so embarrassing, and Nicholas felt like a damn whore; why did he need to sleep with two different guys in less than 24 hours?
His next walk of shame was about to be unbearable, he just knew.
“He wore a condom?” Euijoo asked as his jaw tightened.
“Yeah. Of course.” Nicholas tried to stay casual.
Just like that, Euijoo kissed him once again. The kiss was heated, with a lot of tongue and spit. Nicholas’ head spinned.
Fuck.
“I want to fuck you raw,” Euijoo said, determinated, as he pulled Nicholas’ hair. “I want to erase him from you.”
Nicholas could hear his heart pound in his chest.
I want to erase him from you.
Nicholas whimpered. Why did Euijoo need to be so fucking hot?
“Then… If you don’t fuck me right now,” Nicholas panted. “I feel like I’m going to explode.”
And Euijoo didn’t need more to plunge most of his dick in Nicholas’ warmth. Fuck, fortunately Nicholas was stretched from the day before. If he wasn’t, he just knew some tears would already be running down his face.
“Juju!” Nicholas exclaimed anyway when the younger was finally back home.
Nicholas missed him. He missed him so badly, it hurted. And now that Euijoo was back, Nicholas felt like he was one again.
“Nicho…” Euijoo mumbled while finally thrusting into his best friend.
Now, Nicholas was only moaning as his best friend fucked him deep and expertedly. It was languid, and Nicholas lusciously met Euijoo mid thrust by doing some movements with his pelvis; it was now Euijoo’s turn to moan a throaty sound Nicholas loved to hear when they slept together.
“You…” Euijoo thrusted, “You’re mine, Nicho… You can’t let other guys touch you like that, mh?”
Nicholas closed his eyes, simply savoring the sensations his best friend was giving him as his throat tightened when he heard these words.
Shit.
Euijoo had no right to say that. Not when he had a girlfriend waiting for him at home. Not when Nicholas was supposed to be the one left behind.
“Look at me…” Euijoo asked.
Nicholas opened his eyes to see Euijoo’s face hovering over him. Nicholas almost closed his eyes back right away, but the shine in Euijoo’s eyes forced him to face his gaze.
“Juju…” Euijoo thrusted a bit harder, and Nicholas threw his head back while biting his bottom lip, “You’re unfair.”
“I am sorry,” Euijoo mumbled against his skin.
At any moment now, Nicholas could’ve dropped the bomb. At any moment, Nicholas could’ve dropped how he had always loved him; because this time seemed different from all the other times they slept together.
Maybe Nicholas was reading a bit too deeply into it, but now, as they made something that seemed like sweet love, Nicholas wondered if his feelings were truly unrequited.
“I missed you too,” Nicholas said, now staring into Euijoo’s dark orbs. “Please, don’t leave me.”
And once again, they kissed. They kissed for a long time, enjoying each other’s warmth in the most primal way. And soon enough, Nicholas groaned, followed by a deep grunt from Euijoo.
They were both close. Nicholas could feel it.
Euijoo’s thrusts intensified, maybe as strong as Nicholas' moaning who could feel him so deep inside him he thought he was going to burst into pieces.
And quickly, maybe too quickly, Nicholas came all over their naked stomach in a loud and throaty moan. Euijoo was still fucking him, but soon enough, a warm pooling grew inside him.
Euijoo grunted as he fucked his cum inside him loosely, until he pulled back with a loud and breathy sigh.
“That was… Something,” Nicholas said, collapsing onto the bed, still out of breath.
Behind him, Euijoo leaned down to press a light kiss to his shoulder, “You’re going to be late for work.”
Nicholas sighed. He was aware. And he didn’t want to leave him. Especially not after what had just happened between them. Not when he still felt the man he loved within him.
He wanted to stay with Euijoo, to finally ask him what all of this between them was, if it meant anything, and how he was going to handle his girlfriend now.
But none of those questions made it past his lips as he slowly sat up, feeling a faint ache in his lower back when he started to walk.
At the doorway, he turned to look at Euijoo, who was lying there naked, watching him from his king-sized bed. Nicholas shot him a playful wink before disappearing into the bathroom.
Did he regret it? Not even a little.
He had missed Euijoo, and this time truly felt different.
Yet, Euijoo had a girlfriend. Euijoo wasn’t his. Which meant he was nothing more than a terrible cheater.
Nicholas hated that thought.
They seemed so in love, just now.
After taking a long, steamy shower, he stepped out to find Euijoo already waiting to take his place. Yet, the taller one stole another kiss, and Nicholas internly beamed.
So domestic.
Nicholas used Euijoo’s shower time to get dressed and pack his things.
Yet, when he got out of Nicholas’ bathroom, Euijoo got ready in record time.
“I can drop you off,” Nicholas offered, holding up his car keys.
“Take me to Yūdai and Fuma’s. It’s closer.”
Nicholas nodded, and the two of them rode the elevator down before heading to his car, parked just outside.
Nicholas sat in his car, his back still aching for his two recent escapades. And as he started the engine, Nicholas couldn’t ignore the strange tension that settled between them.
“I didn’t lie. I really missed you,” Euijoo murmured, staring out the window.
Nicholas’ heart skipped a beat.
“I missed you too,” Nicholas admitted.
Euijoo sighed, but Nicholas didn’t ask why.
“And I am really sorry,” Euijoo admitted. “You… You’re the most precious person in my life. I need you to know that.”
“You’re precious to me too, Juju,” Nicholas replied sincerely. “No matter what happens, nothing will ever come between us. You’re stuck with me forever.”
Euijoo didn’t answer.
And they arrived at Yūdai and Fuma’s apartment far too quickly.
For a moment, they just looked at each other, unsure of how to say goodbye. Then, Euijoo leaned in, closing the distance between them only for Nicholas to turn his head at the last second, letting the kiss land on his cheek instead.
“I don’t think… That kiss belongs to me,” he said softly.
Euijoo barely whispered, “Right…” before pulling back. He exhaled, then opened the door. “Take care of yourself.”
“You too…”
And just like that, they parted ways.
But, why did it feel like goodbyes?
—
One week. Three days. Two hours and twenty minutes.
That’s how long time passed since Euijoo last showed any sign of life to Nicholas.
No calls. No messages. Nothing. Just emptiness and the bitter-sweet realization that, once again, Nicholas let his best friend take advantage of him when he didn’t deserve it.
After all these years, Nicholas had learned absolutely nothing. He kept making the same mistakes over and over again, while Euijoo continued to ignore him like his feelings didn’t matter.
“He’s giving you a hard time, huh?” Maki spoke up from across their shared living room.
Nicholas snapped out of his thoughts, turning his head quickly.
“Huh? Who?” he asked, though he already had a pretty good idea who Maki was referring to.
“Euijoo.” Maki didn’t beat around the bush, “I heard what happened.”
Of course, Maki knew that Euijoo had, yet again, played Nicholas for a fool before running back to his perfect life with his girlfriend.
“How…?” Nicholas asked, already exhausted.
Maki gave him a small, sympathetic smile.
“Jay. He told Sunoo,” Maki admitted.
“Yeah…?” Nicholas prompted, waiting for him to continue.
“Sunoo told Harua.”
“Okay…?”
“And Harua told me.” Maki finally finished.
Nicholas let himself fall back onto the couch at those words. This was even worse than he thought. Everyone knew that Byun Euijoo had him wrapped around his finger.
“Fantastic…” Nicholas sighed, exasperated.
Maki moved closer, placing a comforting hand on his shoulder.
“If you wanted it to stay a secret, sorry to break it to you but…” the younger one stated bluntly. “At this point, everyone knows about yours and Euijoo’s little game.”
“Of course they do,” Nicholas wanted to bury himself alive.
Maki finally sat down beside him.
“Now, tell me everything.”
Nicholas had nothing to lose by talking about it. “We slept together.”
“Okay… And?” Maki pressed.
“And I dropped him off at Yūdai and Fuma’s right after because I had to go to work.” Nicholas sighed, “I haven’t heard from him since.”
Maki gasped a bit too theatrically, but Nicholas appreciated the support.
“What an asshole,” Maki said.
“You’re telling me…” Nicholas muttered.
Maki seemed to think for a moment before locking eyes with him.
What was he up to now?
“Listen, I don’t want to overstep, but Jay really liked you,” Maki revealed. “I don’t think it would be hard to convince him to see you again, especially if you explain everything.”
“And what exactly is ‘everything’?” Nicholas scoffed. “‘I’m in love with my best friend, and we’re stuck in a weird situationship?’ He’d run away.”
Bringing Jay back into this mess was obviously a terrible idea.
“I know he’d understand! He has a huge crush on you! And could maybe be your way of finally forgetting about Euijoo?” Maki suggested.
Forgetting about Euijoo? Nicholas had to restrain a bitter laugh.
That was similar to ask him to stop breathing.
—
The day was unexpectedly gloomy for early April when Nicholas saw Euijoo for the first time in nearly a week and a half.
His best friend stood in front of him, dripping wet, on his doorstep. Water trailed from his soaked hair down his face, pooling at his chin before falling to the ground.
Nicholas gasped the moment he saw him, his eyes widening in shock. He had never seen Euijoo look this screwed. And he had known him for years.
“Juju?” Nicholas asked gently, a deep concern on his face.
“Nicho…” the younger man sighed, “Can I come in? I want to have a talk, it won’t take long…”
Without hesitation, Nicholas stepped aside to let his best friend in. Euijoo was a mess. His face looked worn, his eyes red-rimmed. Nicholas immediately wondered if he had been crying, but didn’t ask.
Instead, he walked to the bathroom, grabbed a clean towel, and handed it to Euijoo, who accepted it quietly.
“D-Do you want something to drink?” Nicholas asked quickly. “I can make you a hot chocolate, hmm?”
Euijoo nodded softly, and Nicholas indulged. Thankfully, Maki was at Harua’s today. Nicholas silently thanked his lucky star for not having to deal with his nosy roommate on top of whatever Euijoo’s impromptu visit was about.
“You know, you can change into some dry clothes,” Nicholas offered as he heated milk in a saucepan. “You probably left some things here… Before.”
Nicholas swallowed thickly as he stumbled pathetically over that last word. If Euijoo looked miserable, Nicholas sounded like it, which wasn’t much better.
“Thanks…” Euijoo replied in his usual soft voice. “But I won’t stay long. I… Don’t want to impose.”
“Come on, Juju,” Nicholas said, walking over to place the mug of hot chocolate on the coffee table. “You never impose. We’re best friends, you know?”
Euijoo nodded in gratitude before taking a sip. And Nicholas took the opportunity to sit in a nearby chair.
After a few moments of silence, Euijoo finally spoke.
“Jinsol dumped me.”
Nicholas’ eyes widened in surprise.
Euijoo had been in love with Jinsol for as long as Nicholas could remember. She had been his college sweetheart, and Nicholas always assumed they would end up married or whatever.
But now, Euijoo sat to his right, looking utterly wrecked.
The breakup certainly explained his look.
“S-Seriously?” Nicholas stammered. “What happened?”
Euijoo let out a dry chuckle before turning his gaze to Nicholas.
He was clearly exhausted.
“I cheated on her, Nicho.” he said easily.
The silence that followed was heavy.
“With…?” Me, Nicholas almost said.
“You.” Euijoo buried his face in his hands, shattered.
And Nicholas couldn’t stop the deep wave of guilt washing over him.
Because he knew that all of this mess was his fault too.
If he had never fallen in love with Euijoo, if he hadn’t slept with him days ago, then Euijoo would still be in a happy relationship with Jinsol.
“How… How did she find out?” Nicholas asked.
“I told her everything,” Euijoo admitted.
And just like that, Nicholas felt the ground shake beneath him.
Shit.
They needed a plan. Fast.
He could go to Jinsol and explain everything! She’d understand if he told her he was the one who threw himself at Euijoo, that it was a mistake and that it would never happen again.
“I’m sure we can fix this,” Nicholas said urgently. “I’ll talk to her and explain-”
“Yixiang.”
Nicholas froze.
Euijoo never called him by his birth name.
Or maybe he did, but only when he was truly angry.
And Euijoo had the patience of a saint. He could take endless teasing, and Nicholas couldn’t recall a single time they had ever truly fought seriously.
Yixiang.
The name rolled off Euijoo’s tongue with such ease. It felt like it weighted nothing and sounded like a miserable call out.
Nicholas immediately shut his mouth while silence fell between them.
Yixiang.
No one called him that in years.
Even his sister only used his American name.
And Euijoo never called him anything other than an affectionate ‘Nicho’.
Nicholas felt tears well up in his eyes. Euijoo must hate him now.
“Y… Yes?” Nicholas said, struggling.
Euijoo sighed. Nicholas had never seen him this serious before.
“Ask me why,” Euijoo commanded.
Nicholas sincerely didn’t want to know.
“W-Why?” Nicholas asked weakly. “Why did you tell her everything?”
Euijoo laughed an hollow laugh.
He slowly lifted his head, giving Nicholas an even clearer view of his swollen eyes.
Euijoo looked so sad. And yet, he still shined brighter than any stars.
“Because I’m a liar,” Euijoo admitted bitterly. “I’ve been lying for six years. Six long years. And I’m…” His voice cracked. “So fucking sorry.”
“No, Euijoo!” Nicholas panicked. “It’s okay! We all make mistakes! I’ll help you! We’ll get through this together.”
“Nicho…” Euijoo muttered.
“Yes?” Nicholas asked, anxious.
Silence.
“I’m in love with you.”
Euijoo confessed Nicholas calmly. Simply.
As if he was telling him the time. As if he was describing a cloud. As if it was the most ordinary thing in the world.
Byun Euijoo, in one steady breath, confessed to Nicholas that he loved him.
Nicholas blinked.
“You… What?” Nicholas asked, his voice thick with emotion.
He waited for this moment for years. He imagined it, from every angle, and played countless of scenario in his head.
He pictured a confession by the river, during one of their late night walks, between some deep conversations they always seemed to have there.
Nicholas always envisioned things simple, yet romantic. He also imagined his own reaction, how he would leap around Euijoo's neck to kiss him deeply.
But reality was nothing like that.
Instead, Nicholas found himself standing in front of Euijoo, completely stunned, while his best friend stared at him sadly.
“I'm sorry, Nicho.” Euijoo breathed, “I won't bother you and-”
“You left Jinsol?” Nicholas cut him off, “For me…?”
And Euijoo sighed.
“I am sorry. I was stupid to think I could ignore my feelings for you.”
Nicholas felt like he might faint. His greatest dream was unfolding before his eyes, and he was too stunned to react the way he always thought he would.
“Falling in love with you was like falling from an endlessly tall building,” Nicholas admitted, “I was 16. I was scared. And I didn't understand why all I wanted to do was to take refuge in your arms.”
“Nicho…?” Euijoo said slowly, uncertain.
“Then I slept with that boy when I was 18. And I realized that I liked guys.” Nicholas laughed, shaking his head, “Or actually, I realized I liked you. Guys? Not that much. Most of them are assholes.”
“What do you mean?” Euijoo asked, his eyes full of hope.
Nicholas smiled, his eyes watering.
"Falling in love with you was like falling from an endlessly tall building." He gently moved closer to Euijoo to cup his face in his hands, towering over him while the younger remained sat, "But if I had to, I'd even fall from the sky for you."
A small breathy laugh escaped from Nicholas as he gently nuzzled against Euijoo’s nose before finally pressing a lingering kiss on his attentive lips.
It was like in one of those cheesy romances he and Maki loved to watch at night before going to bed. These romances where the main character always ended up with their soulmate.
Maybe, just like Elizabeth Bennet and Mr. Darcy, Euijoo and Nicholas were meant for their own happy ending at Pemberley.
Except Nicholas wasn't Lizzy Bennet, and Euijoo wasn't Mr. Darcy. They were living in Tokyo, not in the English countryside.
Yet, Nicholas’ feelings at that moment were the exact ones Elizabeth Bennet felt when she finally married Mr. Darcy.
And for that alone, Nicholas could relate to her.
"Say it..." Euijoo sighed against his lips.
Nicholas smiled.
"I love you. I love you so much."
“‘Love you more,” Euijoo muttered.
Tonight, Euijoo took his sweet time with Nicholas, muttering some ‘I love yous’ as he made sweet love to him on the older’s king sized bed. Nicholas probably cried. And Euijoo kissed all of these tears away.
What about their moans? Well, it was Maki’s issue, not theirs.
—
“So… You two are together?” Yūdai asked, watching Euijoo and Nicholas with his usual obnoxious attitude.
Nicholas playfully rolled his eyes, “I guess.”
“About time,” Fuma noted.
“Euijoo, I’m sorry I kissed him!” Yuma stressed.
“You kissed him?!” Taki gasped.
“Oh my god, stop talking!” Maki hissed.
Jo shrugged and smiled while Harua laughed, amused by the scene unfolding before their eyes.
“So, let me recap.” Yūdai started, “You were best friends but kind of… Always loved each other since I introduced you back in the days. ”
Euijoo nodded.
“But you never confessed to each other because you were scared,” Yūdai continued. “Juju got a girlfriend, Nicho got depressed… And Euijoo realized he should tell Nicho because it all was ridiculous.”
Yūdai’s recap was partially true. But, some truths were better left behind.
“They are so cute,” Fuma beamed.
Yūdai gave him a nasty look.
“I am very disappointed in you two, boys.” Their oldest friend said in a serious voice, “I can’t believe everyone was aware and I was the only clueless one!”
Jo put his hand up.
Yūdai turned his head.
“Yes, Jojo?”
“I… Didn’t know, too.” he pointed at Euijoo, “I thought he loved… The girl.”
“Dummy Jojo!” Yuma laughed, “They were so obvious, it was funny.”
“Funny?! Duh.” Maki rolled his eyes, “It was a fucking hell. I live with him, remember?”
“Stop being a drama queen,” Harua told Maki.
“You,” Maki emphased. “Are the one talking about being a drama queen?”
“Kids, please,” Fuma warned.
And it was time for Euijoo to step up, “We’re sorry we hid it from you for so long, hyung. I guess we tried to be secretive for the sake of our friend group.”
“I can’t believe he,” Yūdai pointed at Fuma. “Was aware and didn’t tell me.”
“Babe, it’s their personal lives…” Fuma tried to explain.
“They are my sons!” Yūdai snapped, “There are no personal lives!”
Fuma smirked as if he saw right through Yūdai’s scheme, “And…?”
Yūdai smiled. He smiled brightly, turning his head to the new couple.
“I’m happy and glad you finally got together.” Yūdai said, “I always thought you would look great as a couple.”
“Yay!” Yuma exclaimed before initiating a group hug.
Nicholas’ life always seemed like a mess; a Taiwanese, who dreamt of Korea but ended up in Japan to fall in love with a boy in a rather intolerant country.
But despite that, if he was asked whether he wanted to start over from the beginning, Nicholas knew he would most likely say no.
Because, nothing felt better than the warmth of supportive friends, and the affection of his one and only big love.