Chapter Text
“You know, I think there is something fundamentally wrong with me.” Your voice is slightly slurred as you slam down your glass of beer on the coffee table.
Caleb looks at you, caught by surprise, “Huh? Where is this coming from, Pipsqueak?” His voice sounds genuine but his playful smile makes you question that. His hand reaches up to your head as he ruffles your hair.
You don’t consider yourself to be a lightweight. He has drunk as much as, maybe more than you have. Yet, he’s as calm and composed as ever. The thought irritates you for some reason.
“Hmm? No reason.” You decide to answer. You needed more liquid courage to spill your guts it seemed. A slight smirk tugs at your lips. You already know what his reaction would be, and you relish in it.
Are you hiding something from me?
“Are you hiding something from me?” He asks seriously, looking deep into your eyes, as if they could reveal the truth to everything. “You know you can tell me anything, right?” You don’t know if your face feels warmer from the booze or the person sitting on the sofa, next to you.
“We all have our secrets, right? How come I’m the only one who has to reveal them?” You whine, enjoying how you get under the skin of someone who looks so cold-hearted these days.
Caleb pinches the bridge of his nose. It must definitely be because of the alcohol.
“Well, for starters, you are the one who brought it up.” He is doing a good job of hiding his annoyance, you muse. “And secondly…” You feel his hand cup your cheek.
“I need to know everything about you.”
You look back into the eyes of a Caleb you did not know. His cold gaze rests momentarily on your eyes and then down…
Down to your lips…
His hands suddenly retract. “Sorry, pipsqueak. I was just teasing you.” He laughs nervously. “I think the alcohol is catching up to me...” Close call. Even he doesn’t know what would’ve happened if he didn’t have so much self-control.
You push your glass in his direction. “More. Pour me some more beer.” He gets up faster than he meant to, and stumbles slightly. “Of course, princess. Would you like some snacks to go with that?” His teasing smile spreads over his face again; the Caleb you’re so familiar with. This kind of whiplash has become more frequent lately. And yet… you don’t seem to hate this new side to him.
“No snacks… I just want you.” You mutter without really thinking.
“What did you just say?”
You feel your face flush before you correct yourself. “I said, I want you to come back soon! Don’t take forever.” You huff, trying to hide your embarrassment.
You hear him chuckle under his breath as he heads for the kitchen. “Sure, princess. As you say.”
You settle your nerves as you allow yourself to sink into the sofa. Your plan has been going just great. You convinced Caleb to take a breather and just unwind tonight. Just the two of you. You thought you’d drink to your courage and then come clean with what has been gnawing at your heart. He deserves to know, even if he may not accept that part of you.
“Here you go. Although, don’t you think you’ve drunk enough?” He asks with a concerned expression on his face.
“Nope. I don’t think I have.” You say before you press my lips to the glass, taking another huge sip. Tell-tale heart beating under the floorboard of my ribs. “Because I still don’t have the courage to say it to you…”
“You don’t have to tell me, darling.” Caleb answers to your surprise. “Why do you feel like its important for me to know about this so-called ‘flaw’ of yours? You know I’d love you even if you killed a man.” He says, with a warm understanding that you don’t think you deserve. But you don’t doubt his words.
“Then…” You take the last sip of the alcohol and put it down. “Listen to my confession.” Your face heats up like a kettle that is just about to boil.
“This might get uncomfortable and awkward, so please forgive me.” You finally mutter, your voice shaking. You suddenly feel quite sober actually, but now with your foot to the door, you have to walk through it.
“I’m listening.” Caleb says simply, assuredly.
“Ever since I could remember… I’ve never been able to get off to normal porn.” You look into his eyes, as he silently prompts you to continue. “For a while, I even thought I was asexual.” You chuckle wryly.
“Is that what’s troubling you?” He asks softly as you stop speaking for a bit.
“Oh, no. I wish that were the case. It would’ve been easier to explain, at least.” You look awkwardly to your side, feeling too embarrassed to look at his face anymore. “One day, I stumbled upon a dark romance book. You know the type… and it just felt right. For the first time in my life, I felt turned on.” You realise that you’re beating around the bush. “The point being…”
You hesitate. There is really no going back after this.
“The point being?...” Caleb prods, having an inkling of what it may be, but still wanting to hear it from your mouth.
“I want to be forced.” You say finally. “I need to be forced.” You look up at him, your body trembling even though you’re sweating bullets. “I can’t get off otherwise. And then I feel horrible for the fact that, there are real people whose lives have been ruined because of rape and meanwhile I-”
Before you can process it, Caleb pulls you into a hug, your head resting against his chest while his head rests on top of yours. “Shhh pipsqueak… you don’t have to explain yourself to me.”
You wish so desperately to pull away from the hug, see what kind of expression he’s making. Is he disappointed in you? Or worse, disgusted? You wouldn’t blame him for that. Such a topic deserves to be treated in that way. Before the silence became unbearable, he finally speaks.
“So what you’re saying is… you want me to hurt you? Am I understanding this right?” The vibrations of his voice echo through your skull. His voice serious and constrained.
You try to free yourself from his embrace. Maybe looking into his eyes would give you a hint on how he’s taking this. You suddenly feel a force pushing you firmer into his embrace. Wait… is he using his evol?
“I asked you a question, pipsqueak.” His voice slightly sterner now. You shudder slightly and reply “Only, if you’re comfortable with that, of course. It’s fine if you don’t want to though, I can understand-“
Your words are interrupted by a soft chuckle and Caleb finally relents from the hug. You can finally see his face now.
His smile is warm like summer itself.
“You know I’d do anything for you, right? You could ask me to jump out of the balcony right now and I’ll do it for you in a heartbeat.” His right wrist lands softly over yours. Even if his skin was cold, you could feel a warm pulse underneath it. “Did you think I would judge you? I’m more disappointed in your lack of faith in me, pipsqueak.” He pinches your cheek and you could feel your face get warmer.
“Well… it feels like holding onto a sin. A sin I’ve always carried with me.” You feel your eyes tearing up a bit. “So… it would’ve been okay if you rejected it. I could then try to bury it deep in my heart, never to see daylight again…”
“But I’m not rejecting you.” There is a conviction in his voice. His wrist on your hand tightens with more force than he probably intended.
“Then… what now? Is it really okay for me- no, us to…” You search into his eyes, for any hint of hesitation now.
“I think as long as you’re not hurting anyone, it’s fine to have desires like that. I’m just happy you trusted me enough to tell me about it.” His hands ruffle your hair slowly, comforting you.
“Then…” You ready your heart, the fruit of sin close to your lips.
And bite.
“Please indulge in me, Caleb. Please force yourself onto me. I need it.”
And all at once you feel a familiar gravitational force pushing you onto the sofa. The final tether had been broken.
“Fuck, baby. You don’t know what you do to me.” He speaks with his breath short and controlled. “I’ll take good care of you. Nobody can take my place with how good I’ll make you feel.” You can almost see a manic glint in his eyes as his hands now pin you down.
“Safe word?” He asks, a final question before he allows himself to lose his control.
You smile, you were ready with it all along. “Apple.”