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It was one of those nights. Stuck in a foreign country with no clues as to where to begin the search. No trails, no witnesses, no nothing. Just a hunch. A stupid hunch that brought Amami nowhere. And now it’d left him alone with his very unkind thoughts on a late night train back to London. Another necessary retreat to try again next time. Not like he had the freedom and funds to support his endeavors ever since his father cut the expenses. As if the business could ever be more important than literally finding his family. It was one of the many things they disagreed on. His father considered his sisters a lost cause, while for Amami… Amami could never live with himself until he knew where they were. At this point he’d take anything over the uncertainty.
His thoughts were interrupted by the speakers announcing the next stop. Six more to go. Couldn’t take more than half an hour by now. Good. The sooner he could reach his hotel the better. Exhaustion had gotten to him, limbs heavy from walking around all day like a headless hen. The doors opened and suddenly a man climbed on board. Purple hair flowing down to his shoulders, tall stature, composed demeanor. Fate works in interesting ways. Out of all the places and all the possible times, the last one he would have guessed to find an old classmate of his would have been on a late night train at the other side of the world. It seemed impossible, but that wasn’t out of the ordinary with him, was it? Or else he wouldn’t have repeated the motto so much back in high school. Momota seemed to recognize Amami too when he turned his head around looking for a place to sit.
“No way! Amami?! It’s been years! How are ya?” Loud as ever. Luckily there weren’t that many passengers to annoy. Momota’s smile was so wide Amami could have used it to walk back home.
“Momota, it’s nice to see you too.” He answered at a normal level, making space in the seat next to him. It wasn’t going to be a short greeting with that much enthusiasm, was it? Not that it was annoying, but taking into account the shitty day already, Amami would have to make an extra effort to mask and he was just so tired… But perhaps that could be a nice distraction?
Momota made his way towards him, sitting on the newly freed spot. “Hell, yeah. I barely saw your hair at the graduation, you flew the scene as soon as you got the diploma.”
He did, literally, fly immediately after that. Even if it would have been nice to properly talk to everyone one last time.
“Not that there was much to do after… It just would have been nice to get some photos together.” Momota continued. “Anyway, no use talking ‘bout the past. How have you been? What’cha doing all the way here? Family business?”
“You could say that, yeah.” Amami forced himself not to cringe at that. “I’ll be going back tomorrow, though. I take the next flight earliest in the morning.”
“I see.” Momota furrowed his brow. “It’s quite late, though. Those aren’t many hours of sleep.”
He shifted uncomfortably in his seat. “It’s fine, I’ll sleep on the plane. What are you doing all the way in the UK, Kaito?”
“Oh! That! Yeah, I came to see Kaede’s concert. I promised I wouldn’t miss a single one, you know? She’s on a tour right now. Next stop is Frankfurt.”
“Wow, that sure is dedication.”
“Heh, yeah. A man’s promise is unbreakable, you know?”
Yeah, Amami would know about that. Not that he was a man, nor was he making that much progress in his promise. The guilt in his stomach made him nauseous, so he averted his gaze towards the window. The train slowed down again. Outside, the blurry darkness was replaced by flashes of streetlights becoming ever more recognizable. Five more stops. Luckily it wasn’t raining. It would have been uncomfortable walking back to the hotel without an umbrella. And taxis just weren’t an option for Amami. He refocused on the scene, watching passengers go up and down the platform, until something caught his eye.
Long legs, placing more weight on the right foot, making the steps lightly uneven. A long coat reaching all the way down to her knees. Sleeves too big for her small arms but useful in this kind of weather. Amami would always make sure they were neatly folded all the way up to her wrists, so she wouldn’t clumsily knock over her toys with them. His body reacted before he could think of the consequences, tripping over Momota’s legs but still managing to get through.
“Hey, where are you going?! Is this your stop?!”
He stood up immediately after, but Amami didn’t pay much attention to him. His heart raced 100 miles per hour. It was her, he was sure of it. That green hair could only belong to someone he was so familiar with yet so distant from… He jumped out of the train, ready to catch her. He needed to get to his sister.
“Misato!” Amami called out to her.
She didn’t even flinch. Had she not heard him? He had to make it to her; this could be the last time he’d see her. His gut was firing signals to his rapidly beating heart, but his feet... His feet were stuck to the ground, panic taking over his chest. Move. Move or you’ll lose her. Not again, please. Not again.
“Misato!” This time the cry was made with more desperation. He reached out his arms, as if that could be useful.
A cape flew past him, stars under its cover, as Momota ran faster than he ever could have. “Misato! Hey! Misato!” This time it was him to call her out.
Long steps lurched towards her, quickly closing the distance, despite the other people crossing in his path. Momota kept going mustering quiet apologies, not daring to look back. And then…
“Misato!” He lightly tapped her shoulder.
The woman jumped, and turned herself around, clutching her purse so tight that her knuckles lost color, and Amami’s blood ran cold.
It. Wasn’t. Her.
“Hey, sorry for the scare,” Momota panted heavily; “but my friend over there was calling out for you?” He put his hands on his knees, trying to support his weight, motioning back with his head with a wheeze.
Amami felt empty empty empty. “Oh, apologies. It seems I mistook you for someone else?” A small smile quickly plastered to hide the slight tremor of his fists. “I’m sorry for the misunderstanding.”
The woman looked at them both for a beat before turning around and picking up the pace, shoulders tense. The train started up again and Momota just stood there, dumbfounded at the exchange, his composure not quite back yet.
It wasn’t her. Of course it wasn’t. Why would she be here on this train? Amami had never been that lucky. Coincidences like that didn’t exist. What, did he think that meeting Momota was a sign? How stupid. How childish. He should have known. Such a terrible day like today could only end up worse. And meanwhile the actual Misato would be waiting forever. Was she safe? Useless older brother. Why did he freeze? Had it been the actual Misato she would have been lost to the crowd. Failing in his promise to find her just because of a stupid blockage like that was unforgivable. He wondered what she’d think of him. Would she hate him? She probably should. After all, her older brother was too much of a coward to risk chasing after her. His vision was blurry. No. Not right now. He didn’t deserve to cry. He wasn’t the one who got lost. He had a responsibility.
He wiped his eyes and scanned his surroundings. The station was eerily quiet right now. It seemed there was nobody left. Only him and… Momota. Momota who was now kneeling on the ground, trying to suppress some very ugly sounding coughs with his right hand while his left fiddled with the pocket of his jacket.
“Momota, are you okay?” Amami quickly closed the distance between the two.
“’s fine… need the…” A wheeze. “… pocket…”
Pocket? Was this a medical condition? Amami rummaged through Momota’s pockets, trying to look for what he was referring to. The man just let him, taking his hand out to support his weight against the floor.
Keys… phone… wallet… Wait, that’s new. Cylindrical. Amami fished it out. An inhaler. Oh, shit. He quickly passed it on to Momota who didn’t lose any second to put it against his mouth and press the spray, drawing a long deep breath and holding it there for a few seconds. More coughs escaped when he let it out and pressed for a second dose. In… hold for a few seconds… out…
Amami didn’t know what pushed him to do it but he kept his hand on Momota’s back, drawing small circles. “Keep breathing. It’s okay, you’re okay.” He couldn’t help but follow Momota’s pattern. In… and out.
They kept the pace going until Momota stopped shaking. “Sorry ya had to see me like this. Didn’t mean to scare ya.” His voice sounded hoarse.
“Are you okay?”
“I am now! Don’t worry about me. It happens sometimes.”
It would be easier not to worry had Amami’s outburst not been the cause of the attack. If only he hadn’t stayed glued to the platform… But no time to think about that. He’d worry about it later, in his hotel room. Where he could cry about it as much as he wanted.
“Sometimes? I don’t remember this happening back at Hope’s Peak.”
“That’s cause it didn’t. Or… well…” The lack of elaboration was concerning.
“Momota… Since when…”
“It doesn’t matter. It’s nothing I can’t deal with, haha.”
So he wanted to change the subject. Alright. Amami wouldn’t press. “Of course. Should have figured from the Luminary of the Stars.”
Momota’s face fell. Oh. Oh. Amami could be so stupid sometimes. He’d clearly struck a nerve there, hadn’t he? Of course it wouldn’t be good to have an asthma attack up in space, so far away form professional help. Was Momota not an astronaut anymore? A pang of guilt nested against his lungs. Fuck. To have someone’s dreams crushed like that… Especially for someone as determined as Momota… He couldn’t even begin to imagine what it felt like.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to-”
“It’s fine, it’s fine.” Momota interrupted. “Really, it is. Not like you could have known.”
“That sucks…”
“Yeah…” He looked up at the few visible stars left. So out of his reach. “But I manage. If I can’t go up there… Then it only means that I’m needed down here, don’t you think? There’s too much left to do before spending the energy trying to escape this planet when I could work to, to fix it.”
Changing missions. Being able to bounce back like that, and managing to find a new purpose… Amami admired that so much.
“Besides… It’s not like I’ve given up. Space travel keeps evolving. Who knows? Maybe one day it’ll be safe enough for me to go up there.”
“Perhaps.” The chances were slim, and Amami didn’t have any hope, but… “If anyone can do it, it’s you.” That at least, was true.
“Yeah. Yeah! Just watch me. I’ll be back up in no time!” And he followed his words, standing up from the floor. He extended a hand towards Amami. “Come on, let’s sit somewhere we won’t freeze to death.”
He gladly accepted with a smile. “Heh, yeah, I’d like that. My legs were starting to go numb.”
They both made their way to the benches. They weren’t much warmer, but at least it would be better than sitting on the floor. Now that Amami thought about it, he’d forgotten his jacket on the train. This could not get any worse, could it? Fog came out of his breath as he shivered. Cold was just one of his worst enemies. The other one being luck itself. He rubbed his hands together, trying to generate as much friction as possible.
“So, when’s the next train coming?” He said, hoping the conversation would distract him enough.
Momota looked at the schedule posted on the wall. “Let me see. Oh, it’s the last one. We definitely need to catch it.” He looked at the watch on his wrist. “Only fifteen minutes out here. It’s doable.”
Fifteen minutes. Sure. It can’t be that bad. “Good.” He flopped down at the bench, suppressing a shiver.
“Oh, you’re shaking. Did you not have any jackets with you?”
“I did, but… I left it in the train.” He winced. Not his smartest decision. At all. Not only had he been locked out in the cold, but he dragged Momota out with him.
“Here, take mine. You look like you really need it.”
NO. Hadn’t he done enough? “It’s fine, I swear. Fifteen minutes is not that long.”
“I insist, take it.” Momota was already taking his jacket off and dropping it on his lap.
“I can’t do that. It was my fault you got stuck out here.”
He makes a face that’s hard to decipher. Concern? Confusion? Anger? “No, it’s not. I was the one who followed you.” He sat down next to him. “Besides, the cold does nothing to me, I’m immune!”
“Said the one whose lungs were closing up a few moments ago.” Okay, that wasn’t fair. That had also been Amami’s fault. It just wasn’t possible to win against him, was it? And not like the guilt could grow any worse than this already. “Thank you.” He put the jacket on, residual heat still in it. It smelled like him. And not the obnoxious body spray he used to wear in high school. But a fainter, nicer smell. “And, sorry… For everything.”
Momota sighed, relieved that he took his offer. “Can I ask, who is Misato?”
The question felt like an ice bucket to his face. If he thought he could get away with his suspicious behavior he was wrong. He was so wrong…
“Misato is…” Probably was- NO, no. Definitely is. She had to be. “my sister.”
“Your sister? Oh, right. You did mention you had siblings. You never told me about them, though.”
Now it was Amami’s turn to sigh. It was probably fine to share at this point, right? After all, Momota’s problems were exposed against his will to be fully scrutinized. And besides, it’s not like he was going to see Momota ever again. This was probably the last they’d know of each other. So maybe… “That’s because they’ve gone missing. A long, long while ago.”
“What?!” Momota practically jumped from his seat. “Shit, dude…”
“It’s one of the reasons why I travel so much. I’m trying to look for them.”
“So even then…”
“Yeah.”
“That sucks.”
A snort escaped Amami’s lips. “It does.” Being on the receiving end of that sentence was weird. That same compassion he’d offered before reflected back to him.
“What does she look like? Misato, I mean. Maybe I can help?”
Yeah, no. Despite the good intentions, Momota wouldn’t be able to do much. Still, remembering her was good. He fished inside his trousers and pulled out his wallet. Well, at least that wasn’t lost. There, in between his cards, were various pictures. Childhood memories, now turned bittersweet due to the series of disasters following around wherever he went. He flipped through them until the revelation of a picture of a smiling child, green hair reaching down her shoulders.
“This is one of my favorite pictures of her. Her milk teeth were starting to fall. That tooth gap looked so cute on her.” Amami never got to see the full row of adult teeth replacing those tiny pearls. He wondered if they’d grown right. If she would have needed to go to the dentist like Itsuko did.
“She has a pretty smile. I can see the resemblance between you two.”
“We were born from a different mother, but she’s my family regardless. I miss her. I miss them all so much…” He tried to keep his voice stable but it was impossible. He didn’t want to cry. Not now. “Sorry, can we talk about something else?” There it was. The way of the coward.
Momota seemed to spare him, though. “Of course! Sorry I had to bring up those memories.” Amami could feel the ghost of a hand on his back, wanting to offer comfort but not daring to break a boundary. “Just… can I offer a hug?”
Accepting was probably a bad idea. But Momota looked like he needed one too. He remembered when he would pester Akamatsu about it. Momota thrived in physical comfort, and Amami couldn’t deny him that reassurance. Not when he needed it too.
“Yeah. Yes, sure.” He was the one to open his arms first. “Come here.”
Momota closed the gap between them and wrapped his arms around Amami, holding him in a tight embrace. “You’re so brave. You’ve been holding it in this whole time, haven’t you? It’s gonna be okay. I know it.” His smell was stronger, now that they were this close. And the warmth of his body was the best weapon against the chilliness of the night.
“Thank you, Momota.” Amami squeezed tighter.
“Please, call me Kaito. We’ve known each other for a while, now.” Probably less than what they both would have liked.
“Okay. Kaito.” He could have stayed in those arms forever, drinking up the warmth and comfort they provided. But everything must come to an end.
He thanked him again before undoing the embrace.
“Now, how about you tell me what Akamatsu’s concert was like?”
Kaito scanned his face, emotions still dancing in it. Despite what he must have seen, he continued with a cheerful tone. “Sure! It was awesome. She played Beethoven’s Moonlight Sonata. Made a pretty good rendition, I should say. Left everyone in awe, myself included. I know I’ve heard her play a thousand times by now, but every concert she manages to impress me. This time around it was a transition between two of the main songs. It was something I’d never heard before. She’s been adding a bit more improv in her works. Even if it moves away from her classical roots.”
“I can only imagine. I might have to see her one day. Last time I heard her play was a rehearsal in her lab.”
“Dude. You have to listen to her. She’s improved so much since then.”
“I’ll take your word for it, then.” Rantaro was happy to hear she was thriving. He remembers how much self doubt used to plague her mind. Glad to hear her efforts paid off. “What about the others? Are you still in touch with them?”
Kaito rubbed the back of his head. “Well, not all. But most of them, yeah. Makiroll and Shuichi are on a case together. Never thought she’d join him in his investigations, but she’s very smart, so I know she can do it. Himiko moved in with Angie last year. Gonta’s on a trip to the Amazon forest, studying the effects of deforestation on the insect population. Oh! You’ll never guess this one. Kirumi quit as a maid. She’s changing career paths! I always knew she could do so much with her life if she let herself enjoy it. I’m so proud of her. Of everyone, really. They’ve all come so far.”
Rantaro took notice of how that last sentence didn’t include Kaito at all. “What about Kokichi? Do you still talk to each other?”
Kaito looked away. All his excitement from before suddenly gone. “Not at all. I haven’t seen him in 2 years. He must have changed his phone or something, because I lost all contact. Not a single trace of him.”
“I’m sorry to hear that. You two seemed really good friends by the end.”
“Ha, yeah. We did have quite the rocky start, though, remember? He’d always keep me on my toes.”
“Pffff. You two were constantly chasing each other around campus.”
“Ah, those were good times.”
The sound of wheels turning interrupted their conversation. The train was here. Finally. Rantaro was sick of sitting here in the cold. Although the company was welcome. So very welcome. Kaito had managed to lift a weight off his chest, made this horrible day a little bit lighter.
“Come on, you said this was the last one. Better not miss it.” He stood up, offering his hand back.
Kaito took it. “Yeah, wouldn’t want to turn into a block of ice!”
They both climbed onboard and sat themselves by each other. The difference in temperature was huge. Rantaro could finally feel his shoulders relax at the comfort of the heating system. The windows were foggy, leaving nothing to see on the outside. Not that they’d see much in the dark, but it sure added to the coziness of the wagon. Sensation could finally return to Rantaro’s fingers. He blew on them gently, shaking off the last remnants of numbness. Oh, right!
“Kaito, thanks for the jacket. You really saved me out there.” He returned it with a smile.
“Of course! Anytime.”
It was left neatly folded by his side, and conversation sparked again with the movement of the now running train. This time, topics moved on much quicker, jumping from pie recipes, to home decorations, to mountain sports making a little detour for flowers.
“Yeah, I’ve been trying to build a garden of my own. I used to help my grandma by watering her plants, so I kinda know a little, but I overestimated how much care it would take. Plants are like babies, they can’t communicate their needs effectively, so you have to pay extra attention.”
“I see.”
And with every topic of conversation, Rantaro became even more aware of the inevitable. This was their last journey. It was ending. Stops went by like the tick of a clock. Four stations left. Tick. Three stations left. Tock. When everything was going so well, and they were actually starting to have fun, that’s when he realized. Of course, this wouldn’t last forever. Two stations left.
Kaito rummaged through his pockets, pulling out a small notebook and a pen. He scribbled something on a piece of paper, and gave it to Rantaro. “Here. That’s my phone number. I have no battery left, but you can text me whenever. Next stop is where I get off.”
Oh. This was it, then. Suddenly, all emotions pushed at the back of Rantaro’s head returned with full force. Emptiness. Cowardice. He truly was a coward, wasn’t he? “Thanks, Kaito.”
The train came to a stop. Kaito grabbed his bearings and stood up from his seat. “Well, gotta leave. Guess we’ll talk-”
Rantaro’s brain must have short-circuited, because at the very first step Kaito took his arms sprung out gripping him with every inch of desperation crawling up from his stomach. He knew. Rantaro knew way too well, that if Kaito crossed that door he’d never see him again. Kaito turned around with a puzzled look on his face.
“Sorry, sorry. I didn’t mean to…” Rantaro laughed off casually, letting go as if he’d burned himself. “I’m so glad I met you, Momota.” That, though, he really meant it.
Momota stumbled backwards, and made his way to the door as if he was marching to his funeral. Before he left, he turned his head towards Amami and gave him a pained smile. “Me too. Take care, okay?”
“Yeah. You too.”
And he stepped off the train.