Chapter Text
Road to North Korea
Chapter 1: The Game Show
The scene starts at the Griffin's House, where everybody inside is watching TV. They are watching the game show.
"This game show is over. I hope you enjoy this show! Anyone who enters this game show will win the tickets to China! Call us now at 555-6297!", said the host.
"Did you hear that, Peter? We are entering that game show!", said Lois.
"No Lois! I won’t enter the game show! Remember Family Feud? That is where I got my amnesia and I don’t want to go through this again. Besides, I don’t actually feel like traveling. Remember what happens when we went to Italy and I burn the U.S. Passport. After that, we went through the U.S. embassy and failed? That idea is worse than the time that we must get to the U.S. illegally.", reminded Peter.
The cutaway gag shows that they were in the ferry containing female mannequins from Italy and all the family were posing the same way. They use it for testing and Peter was one of them. After the test, Peter cries. When they were outside (still posing), Stewie exhales loudly.
Lois remembers about that and did not want to be bothered with that. "Also, those tickets aren't just for your family! Those tickets that we have are up to 10 people! Be warned that this game show is different from the others… so call now!", warned the host.
Lois was excited, she was so excited that she goes to the kitchen, to pick up the phone and call Bonnie.
"Hey Bonnie! Did you hear that the game show allowed us to enter!?", questioned Lois.
"Yeah, I heard it, Lois! And honestly, I think Peter should join.", said Bonnie.
"Hmm… I don’t know… Peter is reluctant. How about Joe?", concerned Lois.
"Hmm… no. Joe would have trouble reaching the microphone and the button in order to answer the question. Besides, he is crippled!", explained Bonnie.
"Okay, I'll admit that Joe can't do it either. Neither is Glenn Quagmire. I don’t see him do something that is educational. All he does is trying to flirt women.", said Lois.
"Well, we have to persuade Peter somehow…", thought Bonnie. Lois and Bonnie had tried to come up with ideas on how Peter should get on the game show.
"Ah-ha! I got it!", answered Lois.
"What's your plan on Peter getting on the game show?", asked Bonnie.
She told the plans about her idea and Bonnie immediately agreed. They both say goodbye and put the phone back onto its respective stand.
Later, Lois and her family decides to sit in the living room waiting for Peter. Peter and his friends go to the clam every afternoon talking about their issues or interesting stuff. When Peter is done drinking, he is legally driving (he knows how many he can drink) at the evening while drunk...
When Peter got home, he enters it, his family is waiting for him.
"Hey, umm...What's going on?", asked Peter.
"Peter, do you remember the last time that you went to the Harvard University and you wanted to eat breakfast food at dinner time? Here is the good news, we are going to Ihop this evening!", exclaimed Lois.
"Yeah! Finally! We are going to eat breakfast in the evening!", exclaimed Peter happily.
Everyone in the family knows the plan that they are going to trick Peter entering the game show. First, they blindfolded Peter and asks why. Lois explains that it is a special Ihop and want Peter to be surprised. Peter agreed to be surprised when they get there.
Then, they get in the car, and they went to the place where there is an audition in Quahog, Rhode Island.
Peter went inside blindfolded as his family had been waiting for him in the office.
"What's going on guys? I don’t hear a lot of people in Ihop and I couldn’t smell any pancakes.", Peter questioned.
"Hi Peter! I am your host for the game show 'Stab in the butt'.", said the host.
Peter takes off his blindfold and he is in the office instead of an Ihop table. Before Peter could questioned the family, Lois said to the host, "Peter is actually excited to be in your game show. He is smart at answering questions.".
"I a-", and Lois cuts off Peter.
"Now, don't worry, he's going to be here tonight, right?", questioned Lois.
"Yes, it's almost 7:00 pm so, get on to the stage Peter!", said the Host.
"But I don't want to-" Lois cuts off Peter again, angrily grabbed his neck collar, and shoved him to the wall.
"Look Peter, I want to go to China because I want to see all of those places for us. I am tired of you being reluctant and I am tired of doing the same routine every day. I don’t care if you don’t feel like going Peter. I want to go as a whole family and friends so win it or else I will take your manhood.", said Lois in a quiet, angry tone of voice.
Peter sighs and sadly says, "Okay…".
The game show starts right now. There are three constants. There's Peter Griffin, Homer Simpson, and Francine Smith. Francine wanted to win this because she is feeling like she needs a vacation and would give 9 other tickets to her family & friends. Homer wanted to win for Lisa. Lisa wanted to go to China again because she had to pay someone else a favor.
"The rules in that game are, if you answered correctly, you get points. You get more points if you answered immediately. If you answered wrong, you get stabbed in the butt.", explained the host.
"First question, what is C2 + O2?", asked the host.
"Oh! I know! Is it a Carbon Dioxide?", answered Homer.
"Yes! You get 3 points for answering quickly!", said the host.
"Woo-hoo!", yelled Homer.
The host asks scientific questions during the rounds of the game show. No one got stabbed because they know how to answer scientific questions. Homer knows Chemistry better, Francine knows Biology, & Peter knows Physics.
"This is it folks, the final round. Homer has 33 points, Peter has 32 points, and Francine has 22 points. Homer, if you answer this question correctly, you will win! And here is the question, what is the atomic weight of Silver?", said the host.
Homer thinks about it…then he realized he is in trouble. Homer did not memorize his periodic elements.
"Homer, what's the answer?", asked the host.
Homer thinks, then pushed the podium to the ground, screamed, and run.
"Get him guys! Stab him in the butt!", yelled the host. The prisoners go after him to stab him in a butt with their knives while the host continues with, "Poor Homer, he never learns his P.E.".
"I hate P.E.!", yelled Homer while running away.
"Okay Peter, if you can answer this question, you will win a prize to China. What is the atomic weight of Silver?", asked the host.
Peter guesses, "Is it 107?", hoping that he did not get stabbed in the butt.
"That is correct Peter! Congratulations! You have won 10 airplane tickets to China!", said the host.
"Alright!", said Peter relieved. "If only Lois isn't that pushy...", thought Peter.
After the game show, Lois was very satisfied, but Peter is reluctant and (secretly unhappy) because he remembers the last time that he went somewhere and wants to go home because of no TV. Peter rather watches some TV than to go somewhere else in life.
"We did it! We won!", yelled Lois.
"Yeah. Yeah. It's late at night. We should be going to bed by now.", said Peter hoping that he didn't have to hear the end of Lois talking about the trip to China.
The next morning, Peter gets up, use the bathroom, change his clothes, & went down stairs when he see Lois with his family and his friends. Peter was a bit shocked to see them in the morning.
"What's going on Lois?", asked Peter.
"Oh Peter, since the plane tickets are going to expire today, we had to bring our friends to China!", explained Lois.
Peter thought about why was his friends here in the morning until he realized that the game show gives them 10 tickets. Peter counts his friends and himself. "Uh, I count you all, including me, that there are 9 of us here.", said Peter.
"Oh, there's one more person that I think that you'll enjoy having...", said Lois and she went into the kitchen. She brought out someone and announced, "Here's Mort Goldman!".
"Here I am!", exclaimed Mort. Mort Goldman is a Jewish pharmacist with Polish ancestry, and one of Peter's friends.
Peter is shocked because he was hoping that Lois brought Cleveland Brown from Virginia as a surprise guest and instead got Mort Goldman. "Um, Lois? May I talk to you privately in the kitchen?", asked Peter with a stern look.
"Sure.", said Lois.
They went to the kitchen and Peter & Lois were arguing about how Mort should not be going to China. Peter argues about Mort's defining characteristics are stereotypically Jewish such as his whiny neuroticism, his chronic hypochondria, his wimpy attitude, and his general gawkiness. Lois said that she had tried to talk to Jerome, the recent new bartender in the clam bar, said that he must keep his business running, Mayor West wanted to keep his office running, and Cleveland lives in Virginia so going to get him is too long and the tickets would be expired by the time she got to Cleveland's home. Peter is disappointed and he accepted Mort as a guest.
They are all ready to go by bus to the airport. Neil Goldman was with Mr. Herbert. They cannot bring their cars because they do not trust the car rentals. When they get to the airport, they had passed the security and gone through a lot of stuff. When the plane arrives from China, they were in the plane going to China.
A/N: I know that's IMPOSSIBLE to take the flight to Beijing, China from Providence, Rhode Island, U.S. I'm talking about real life. If anyone is in Rhode Island who went to China, I want to know how you get there. Please send a PM! Thank you!
Author's Note in 2017: There's going to be some edits that would help correct some mistakes that I've made in the past and retroactively edit some of the scenes due to value changes and challenges that I may not agree within myself. Please disregard the first author's note above it. I just want the story to be clear within the modern times. Thank you for reading this note.
Author’s Note on March 1, 2025: Let’s not worry about the previous notes that I’ve written anymore. There will not be any censorship. This will be the final remaster of this fanfic: Road to North Korea. Thank you.
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