Work Text:
Ashlyn's POV:
Ashlyn hated the phantom noises, she always had. The group (mainly Aiden) thought it was cool, amazing even knowing she could hear phantoms if they were close. It was useful, Ash will admit that, but God is it painful, both mentally and physically. Now every time she hears the sound, not only does it hurt her ears, but she gets reminded of the terrible things they have cause, like Tyler’s and Aiden’s deaths, logan getting hurt, her friends getting almost dying in the hands of those god-awful creatures. Every time she hears the sounds, she feels the guilt eating away at her, knowing it’s her fault her friends are dealing with this, her fault they get hurt, her fault they can't have a normal teenage hood. She can't deal with it anymore, she wants the noises to stop, no matter how useful it is, so she decides to take matters into her own hands.
Her parents are out of town, something about a family emergency. That was perfect for ash, no one can stop her. She managed to borrow one of Aiden’s speakers a few days before as he owns like five. The boy was curious at first, knowing it would hurt her ears, but she played it off, saying her parents needed it for a family gathering they are going to, to which he lent it to her, little did he know, this was what she was gonna use to burst her eardrums. She took out her earplugs, leaving them on the desk and connected her phone to the speaker, she turns it up to the max and starts to play very heavy rock. Its agonising and she cries out at first, her scream hurting her even more as tears run down her face, but she doesn’t turn it off or even cover her ears, she sits against her bed, her knees up to her chest with her arms wrapped around them, slowly going quiet as the pain in her head and ears intensifies. She didn’t think anyone would stop her but little did she know while she was doing this, Taylor was texting her, now starting to blow up her phone as Ash doesn’t answer, the music and pain in her ears drowning out the sound.
Taylors POV:
Taylor was at home, getting a bit bored, Tyler had gone out with Aiden and logan and ben were busy, so she decides to text Ashlyn, her favourite of the group and the girl she has liked for a while, plus she knew Ash was home alone and that always answers her phone quiet quickly, so she expects a quick response, but it never comes. She frowns, getting a bit worried, she thinks maybe Ash is busy but even if she was, she would still at least look at her message, but Taylor was left on delivered. She was starting to worry, bad thoughts filling her mind, sending more and more Text messages and even calling her but she gets no response, she paces back and forth, starting to get a bad feeling now, she knows she can be a worry wort and can other think things like this but not this time, she knows somethings wrong.
“Come on Ash, please pick up, this isn’t like you." she mutters to herself as she calls Ash again, but she still doesn’t pick up. ‘That’s it’. She grabs her shoes and bag, then leaves the house, speed walking to Ashlyn’s.
As Ashlyn's house comes into view she starts to hear the heavy music. She looks around confused, not knowing what house can't coming from, she knows it can't be from Ashlyn's house…surely not right? But as she gets closer, she realises, it is from Ashlyn’s house. The pit in Taylor's stomach gets worse, she knows that is way too loud for Ashlyn. She starts to sprint to Ashlyn's door, pounding at the door.
“Ashlyn it’s me Taylor! Open the door please!” She shouts as loud as she can, but no one answers. She tries the door but its locked. 'God damn it Ash'. She pulls put her spare key Ashlyn gave her, in case of an emergency and unlocks the door.
Ashlyn's POV:
‘Is that Tay?’ her heart flutters at hearing Taylors voice but immediately sinks as she realises Taylor is gonna catch her like this. ‘No, no, no, Taylor I'm sorry, I'm so, so sorry...please forgive me' she cries harder and buries her face into her knees, ignoring Taylors voice as she knows she will find her soon enough and she can't bear to see the disappointment on her face.
Taylors POV:
The music is extremely loud, even for her so she knows it must be excruciating for Ash. She cant help but wonder why the music is so loud and why the hell Ash is listening to rock, she knows the girl hates it as it causes her pain even with her earplugs in.
'the hell is going on?' She follows the sound into Ashlyn's room. “Ash?! It’s just me! what the hell are you-” she walks into the bedroom and her heart skips a beat.
Mixed POV:
Taylor sees Ashlyn sitting on the floor against her bed, her knees pressed up to her chest, her face burred in them, the speaker right next to her and her ears bleeding.
“ASHLYN!” she runs over and grabs the speaker, desperately trying to find the off switch. Once its off she grabs her chin and tilts her head up, seeing her tear-streaked face. “Oh ash…what did you do? Can you hear me? Why did you do this to yourself?” Ash looks into Taylors eyes, her gaze broken and pain filled.
“I'm sorry Tay, I’m so sorry, I just couldn’t take it anymore” Taylors heart breaks and tears well up in her own eyes at the sight of the gingers distress.
“Shhh, it’s okay, it’s okay” she pulls her into a hug “I've got you” Ash tenses up for a second before melting into it, her heart flutters and she struggles to keep her cool, trying to comprehend that, Taylor Hernandez, the girl she has a crush on for a while now is caring so much about her and holding her like this.
‘This is nice’.
They stay like that for a second before Taylor pulls away and tilts her head from side to side. “You really did a number on your ears Ash; can you hear me alright?” She asks her, concern evident in her voice.
“You’re a bit muffled but you're getting louder so.” Taylor looks at her with worry.
“let’s get you cleaned up then.” she helps Ashlyn up and guides her to the bathroom, knowing Ashlyn's house like her own considering all the times she's been here. She sits her down on the edge of the tub and grabs the first aid kit from the cabinet. She takes a cotton bud and dips it into antiseptic before wiping inside Ashlyn's ear, she winces but doesn’t complain.
As Taylor works her mind spirals about why Ash did it and can't help but feel guilty for not noticing Ashlyn's distress, the one girl she silently promised she would protect after she got concussed trying to get her parents jeep.
While Taylor silently blames herself Ash just watches Taylor, admiring her beauty, the way her brows furrow with concentration, the look on concern in her eyes... those beautiful brown eyes. she's mesmerised.
Taylor finishes, putting all the bloody cotton buds and things away or in the bin. Ash quickly realises she's staring and looks away. Taylor looks back at the girl. “Can you hear me better now or is it still muffled?” She asks, her voice filled with concern. Ashlyn winces at the loudness, her hearing back to normal now, seeing as Taylor had managed to get to her before any permanent damage could get done.
“Yeah, it’s better now.”
Taylor sees her wince and pulls out some earplugs from her bag, passing them to Ash.
“You have some of my earplugs?” She asks with a faint smile. Taylors face heats up.
“w-well yeah, I-I carry spares in case you forget or loose yours” she stutters out embarrassed. Ashlyn's cheeks also go red, her heart fluttering at the fact Taylor carries spares for her. Taylor then realises that she needs to have a serious conversation with her, so she composes herself and sits on the tub next to Ashlyn and grabbing her hands, holding them tightly.
“Ash…I need to know why…why did you do that…? what was you even trying to do…?” her voice unusually serious but filled with worry. Ashlyn is silent for a moment.
“I…I was trying to burst my eardrums” she says quietly, her voice unnaturally filled with vulnerability. Taylors heart drops.
“Wh-what…? Burse your eardrums… do you know how dangerous that is!” Ash winces as Taylor shouts, she gives her an apologetic look.
“I'm sorry Ash but why would you try that, you could have gone deaf or maybe something worse.”
“That was the point Tay…I'm sick of hearing the phantom noises” her breathing starts to get shaky “every time I hear a phantom noise, I get reminded that all of this is my fault, Aiden and Tyler dying!” tears well up in her eyes “Logan getting hurt! All of you are traumatized because of me! It’s my fault, I pulled you all in and every time I hear that god damn noise I think of that, I think of your face when Tyler first died, the look of panic and desperation, you bawling your eyes out and begging me to go back… so if I burst my eardrums, I wouldn't have to hear them anymore, I won’t have to feel the pain…all the pain…“ tears stream down her face and she starts to breath heavily "I-I can't…I can't do it anymore, I'm sorry, I'm so, so sorry” she starts to sob, Taylors heart shatters at her words and she immediately pulls Ash into another hug, holding her close to her chest as she cries, she didn’t know Ash was going through so much, hell she’d never even see the girl cry really.
“it’s not your fault Ash, none of this is your fault, please don’t blame yourself, I never blamed you for any of it and neither did the others, not when Tyler died, not when Aiden died, none of it. you didn't mean to pull u in, you didn't even know you did it.” she cups Ashlyn's face with her hands, stroking her cheeks and wiping her tears. “I don’t know what the noises are like, but you can't let it get to you okay? And if it does you talk to me, I don’t care if we are running from phantoms, sleeping, hanging out, I don’t care, can't you don’t do this again okay? Promise me” Ash slowly nods.
“I promise”
They fall into a comfortable silence, looking at each other. Taylor stares deeply at Ashlyn's face.
‘God she is so pretty, even when she is crying. She looks so kissable… Shit Taylor what are you thinking! She just tried to burst her own eardrums, now’s not the time, she probably doesn’t like me anyway, probably likes Aiden.’
Ash does the same thing. ‘I can't believe she cares so much about me…me…after everything…god…I really do love her…I kinda wanna kiss her.’ her own thoughts surprise her ‘No ash! You’ve never kissed anyone before! Let alone you best friend who's not into you…I bet she likes ben.’ But neither of them stop staring.
Taylor keeps her hands cupped on Ashlyn's cheeks and Ash starts to lean into it, closing her eyes. Taylors heart rate picks up, her cheeks going a faint shade of red.
“Hey Tay?” she opens her eyes again.
“Yea Ash”
“Thank you…for everything” she says, with a genuine smile, the same smile when she got concussed and made Taylor fall in love with her. Taylors heart staring beating out her chest.
‘Oh my god she's so pretty… screw it I'm going for it’ and at that, Taylor kisses her. Ash is shocked and for a second doesn’t kiss back but before she gets the chance Taylor pulls away.
“Ash I'm sorry I just-” Ash kisses her again to which Taylor immediately melts into it. Ash breaks away this time.
“I like you too Tay…I just didn’t know how to tell you” Taylor's eye light up with excitement.
“You don’t know how long I've waited to hear you say that…under better circumstances then this obviously” she chuckles.
“Yeah…I'm sorry Tay I really am-” Taylor shushes her and pulls her close to her chest again. “So does that make us girlfriends?” Ash asks shyly.
“I guess it does” Taylor replies, finding her shyness adorable. Ashlyn clings to Taylor like a lifeline and yawns, the pain in her head and ears starting to come back. Taylor notices her body tense up. “Oh ashy…I'm sorry, let’s get you some painkillers and into bed, okay?” Ash nods, letting Taylor scoop her up bridal style and carrying her to her bed, laying her down gently and tucking her in. She grabs some painkillers and passes them to Ash, watching her take them dryly.
“Tay?” she asks, her voice hesitant.
“Yea?” she looks at the girl curiously, a hint of worry still present.
“Lay with me?” Taylors heart melts.
“of course, I’ll lay with you sweetie” She gets into the bed and pulls Ash close to her, Ash immediately snuggles up to Taylor, resting her head on her chest and closing her eyes, listening to the steady rhythm of her Heartbeat as the painkillers take over, before she drifts off, she whispers to Taylor.
“I love you”
Taylor responds, “I love you too Ash…get some rest sweetheart” and plans a small kiss on her forehead.