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Darry felt it when his parents died.
The entire pack did, but Darry most of all.
He was in his bedroom, packing to go back to college when it came. His hands stilled on the sweater he was folding as a strange feeling came over him. It wasn’t pain. It wasn’t anguish. It was just…nothing. It was the absence of something. Like when music you didn’t even realize was playing was suddenly turned off. It was like the flick of a switch.
Once there. Now gone.
Darry froze. In his mind, he tugged on the threads that connected him to his pack, trying to figure out who was missing. Sodapop. Ponyboy. Two-Bit. Ace. Johnny. Dally. Steve. All there.
Mama.
It was like reeling in an empty fishing line, pulling so hard at a slack string that you almost toppled over. He tried again. Mama. Dad. Nothing. There was no reverberation as there had been in the others. No. He tried again and again.
For a split second, he tried to think about any other possible answer. Maybe they had somehow figured out a way to close off the pack. That made sense. Kinda.
And then Darry felt something that confirmed his worst feelings. He felt the rush of his pack filling his mind. His pack now. The only way it would ever become his pack was if…if the previous alpha was dead.
His mother. She was dead. His father too.
There was a well inside Darry, one he was falling and falling down. He could feel their pack and all the shock and fear and confusion they felt. They were so loud in his mind. How did his mother stand it? He couldn’t think, all he could feel was horror.
Feet pounded in the hallway and then his brothers came bursting into the room. Their eyes were wide and filled with panic. “Darry,” they asked, “Darry, what was that? What’s happening? Why can’t I feel mom and dad? Why can I feel you so much stronger? Darry, this isn’t right.”
Darry just stood there. His little brothers were out of breath. They were terrified and looking to him for answers. Sodapop was wearing their dad’s old football shirt, still a little baggy on him. God, they were just kids. They were too young for this. Darry took a breath, giving them just one more second of peace before their world came crashing down.
Then he simply said, “They’re gone.”
“Gone?” Ponyboy looked between Soda and Darry. “What does that mean? Why can’t I feel them?” He looked at Soda, “What does he mean?”
Soda swallowed thickly, he looked at Darry. Darry nodded. Soda caught a sob in his throat, inhaling shakily. He looked at their little brother and with a cracking voice said, “They’re dead, baby.”
Pony’s breathing started to quicken. He grasped at his brother’s shirts as though trying to keep his balance. “Woah, Pone,” Soda said as he caught Pony around the waist. Darry moved forward to steady them, needing to touch them and know they were still here.
All of a sudden, Ponyboy shifted.
Darry had never seen it happen so fast. One second he was looking at his hyperventilating brother, the next, at a white and brown wolf. Pony’s thoughts filled his mind, clearer than they’d ever been.
Where’s mama? I can smell her. Why can I smell her if she’s not here? Please, Darry, where is she? Where’s dad? I want dad.
It took everything in Darry not to burst into tears. He was the alpha, the leader of the pack, he couldn’t break down. Soda on the other hand, did. He fell to his knees and wrapped his arms around Ponyboy, tucking his face into his fur. Darry just stood there, watching. He didn’t know what to do. His head was so loud.
He could hear so much, everyone in the pack wondering what happened, tugging on the strings to feel for who was missing, their anguish when they realized who it was.
Darry. Darry’s there, I can still feel him.
Home, we need to go home.
Something happened. It’s bad.
It was like they were talking right into his ears, muffling the sound of one brother crying and the other whining. They were all coming, convening in the house to figure out what happened. They would be there soon. They would share in the grief that was starting to swallow them.
Darry knelt down and put a hand on Soda’s back. He was quaking as though each sob was a small earthquake. Ponyboy wouldn’t stop whining, not even when Darry sank a gentle hand into his fur in the same way their mother does-
Used to do.
Darry brought his brothers into a tight hug, letting them lean their weight on him.
How strange was it that ten minutes ago, he’d been getting ready to go back to college? Now he was the leader of a wolf pack, guardian to his brothers, and a grieving child all at once. He didn’t know one person could be so many things.
The pack spent the first night crowded in the living room together. Even Dally curled up with the group, though he was near the edge.
Darry was pressed into the middle with wolves and humans alike all touching him. He lay on his back, just looking up at the ceiling of the house that was now his, surrounded by the pack that was now his. Ponyboy and Soda were tucked into his side, both of them wolves now.
Ace leaned against his other side, absently stroking Steve’s fur. She looked over at him, noticing he was still awake, she gave him a reassuring smile, “We’ll figure this out, Superman. You ain’t alone.”
He smiled sadly and squeezed her shoulder. He couldn’t find the words to say what he wanted, but based on the way she leaned into him, she knew. Darry inhaled deeply. The scents of his parents still lingered in the house, if he tried hard enough, he could imagine they were still there.
He didn’t sleep that night.
In the following three days, Darry was hardly home. He went to the hospital to identify the bodies, to the police station to be told there would be no investigation, to social services to see how the hell he would be able to keep his brothers. He dropped out of college, begged his dad’s boss for a job, scraped enough money together to pay for the funeral.
The entire time, the pack was humming in the back of his mind. He could feel Ponyboy and Soda the strongest and God did it ache. They were hurting, they were scared. Every instinct in Darry, wolf and human, told him to go home and hold them tight and keep them safe. He wanted to tell them everything would be okay. But he couldn’t.
He didn’t think things would ever be okay again.
In that time, Darry didn’t shift once.
That was rare for him, usually he liked to burn off energy by shifting and running a few miles. But now he didn’t have any energy left. It was the opposite for Ponyboy. He hadn’t shifted back even for a second. His wolf was white with a few brown patches, like he was always covered in snow or ash.
Pony passed the days pressed to someone’s side. When Soda was home, it was always him. Then Johnny or Dally. Never Darry.
The funeral came and went. If Darry was honest, he didn’t remember much other than the overwhelming grief he felt from the pack. It thrummed into him, echoing over and over until it was all he could feel and think about. The caskets were closed. Darry had to see their bodies, he couldn’t put anyone else through that. He wanted them all to remember his parents as bright and alive.
Darry kept one arm around Soda, the other resting on Ponyboy's head, between his ears as the prayers began.
Our father who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name…
Four days passed, making it a week since the accident.
Every day, Darry went to work wearing his dad’s old boots, driving his truck, using his tools. Even though his nose wasn’t quite as good while human, Darry could still smell the lingering scent of his father. He knew it wouldn’t last much longer. Soon the scent of pine, cotton, and sawdust would fade to nothing but a memory.
Soda went back to school. It said something about his mental state that he didn’t complain once. Darry almost wished that he would, it would mean things were normal. But things weren’t. Case in point, Ponyboy had no interest in shifting back and going to school.
“You have to go to school, Ponyboy,” Darry told him sharply one evening, the house was empty except for the brothers. Darry had just gotten home from an exhausting day to find Soda doing homework while Ponyboy was sitting on the couch. A reversal of the usual sight. “They keep calling, asking when you’re goin’ back,” Darry dropped his tool belt on the ground, kicking it to the side.
Ponyboy, still a wolf, tucked his nose under his tail, ignoring his big brother. I ain’t going back.
Darry scoffed, he toed off his shoes, kicking them against the wall like his mama always told him not to. “You sure as hell are, Soda went back three days ago. You’re going with him on Monday and I ain’t gonna hear another word about it.”
Can’t make me.
“I sure as hell can,” Darry snapped. He stormed into the living room. “Look at me when I’m talking to you.” Begrudgingly, the wolf lifted his head and met Darry’s eyes. “Do you want to get taken away, Ponyboy? Because you’re sure acting like it right now!” Ponyboy whined at the loud voice, only serving to anger Darry more and more. “I can’t fucking deal with this right now, Ponyboy, you-”
Before Darry could yell again, Soda stepped in the room. His brown eyes were wide, he looked scared. The wolf inside of Darry wanted to whine and apologize, to assure Soda that he would never hurt him. Darry didn’t listen to the wolf.
Soda put a warm hand on Darry’s shoulder, “Darry-“
“He needs to go back to school.”
“I know.” Soda stepped between them, looking Darry in the eyes. His neck was ever so slightly displayed in a show of submission, trying to calm Darry down. He hated that it worked, the alpha inside him was tamed by that one gesture of trust. “Just give him a little more time. We’re all grieving.”
“Sooner or later, the state’s gonna ask why he ain’t going,” Darry protested. “You’ll both be sent to a boy’s home.”
“A few more days won’t hurt anything, they’ll understand.” Soda stepped forward and hugged Darry tight around the waist. Darry was helpless to resist the embrace, hugging his little brother back. Over Soda’s shoulder, he saw Ponyboy watching them, though when he caught Darry’s eyes, he looked away.
Darry thought about yelling again, but then Soda’s nose pressed to Darry’s throat and everything inside of him settled for a moment.
The first time he shifted, Ponyboy was just six years old, he’d been trying to avoid it as long as possible. He wasn’t scared, thank you very much, Soda. He was just…concerned about what it would be like.
What if it hurt? What if he didn’t know how to walk? What if he smelled funny? What if he was a bad wolf?
His mama just stroked his hair and told him had worries too big for his little head. She’d been saying that since he could talk. My little worrywart, everything will be fine.
Sodapop bounced on his bed, saying, “Come on, Pony! We could play together! And you could help me chase Darry!”
Pony looked up at his brother, Soda’s hair all wild, missing teeth. Soda was a good wolf.
Ponyboy shook his head stubbornly, trying to put his nose back in the book he was trying to read, “I can do that now.”
Soda groaned and flopped onto the bed next to his baby brother. The bed rocked, nearly knocking Ponyboy over. “But it’s not the same. It’s so fun, I promise.” Ponyboy stubbornly ignored his brother.
Soda and his parents would try to coax Ponyboy into his shift. They would change into wolves and nudge at his hands, Soda would tug his clothes, Mama would lick his hair until he giggled and shoved her away. But none of it worked. He was perfectly happy being a little boy and told them as much over and over.
Though he never said it aloud, Ponyboy secretly feared that he wouldn’t be able to shift. What if he tried and nothing happened? Would he still be part of the family?
In the end, it was twelve year-old Darry who got him to shift. He’d had quite enough of Pony’s stubbornness and grabbed him by the ankle one afternoon. “Darry!” Pony shrieked, “What are you doing?”
His big brother didn’t reply, just dragged Ponyboy by the ankle out of the house and into the back yard. Of course, Pony struggled the whole way, but Darry was double his size and three times as strong.
Once his little brother was deposited in the yard, Darry shifted.
He was still small then, still had puppy fur in patches. Like his father, he had a warm brown coat. The only difference was one of his ears and paws were black. Ponyboy loved to make scribbled drawings of his family as wolves. There were pages and pages of Darry beside their father.
What if Ponyboy didn’t look like them?
Darry took a few paces back, then growled at Ponyboy. The kid’s eyes widened, he knew what a growl meant, even if he couldn’t understand yet. He leapt at Ponyboy, tackling him to the ground, claws extended.
Ponyboy squeaked and suddenly, Darry wasn’t on top of a child, but a little wolf. He got off of Ponyboy with a satisfied wag of his tail, yipping playfully. Ponyboy was little, barely even reaching Darry’s chest. He was mostly white but had patches of brown fur. It was as if snow or ash laid on top of him.
Appropriately startled by the sudden change, Ponyboy whined, tail tucking between his legs, backing away from his brother. The sound had Mama out the door in an instant. When she saw the little wolf cub, she clutched her hands to her chest and rushed over to scoop him up. “Look at you, baby!” She kissed him between the ears proudly.
Recognizing her scent, Ponyboy whined again and nuzzled against her as if trying to burrow between her lungs.
Mama laughed and stroked his soft fur, “See, was that so bad?” Ponyboy curled into a tight little ball, indicating that yes, it was very bad and he didn’t want to do it again. Mama just kissed him between the ears again and ran a hand over his spine. She looked at Darry, returned to human and looked smug. “You and I are gonna have a talk later about attacking your brothers.”
“Mama, that’s not fair!” Darry protested, crossing his arms. Seeing his brother chastised, made Ponyboy’s little tail start wagging. Darry growled at his little brother.
Even then, Darry loved him. Even when he was an annoying little pup who delighted in his brothers getting into trouble. He saw his baby brother as a wolf for the first time and thought oh there you are . I’ve been waiting for you.
Ponyboy took to being a wolf quickly. Once he got over the initial shock and fear, he was running right alongside his brothers. He and Soda would jump up and nip at Darry’s ears until he finally gave in and played with them. Darry always won. There were so many old polaroids of the younger two curled up on top of Darry, little tails crossing over each other.
Darry kept one of those photos in his wallet. No one else knew.
When Soda came home from school on Monday, Darry was yelling again. It took everything in Soda not to walk right out and find Steve, to hide out until it all blew over. Darry and Ponyboy had been at it for days, since the funeral honestly.
Soda had to hear Darry’s harsh voice and Pony’s snarls and whines every single day. It broke his heart. He remembered when the three of them were close, when they would run together under the moon. Their parents would be so disappointed in them.
Soda wished he could shout at them that they were all they had left, they couldn’t be torn apart by grief. He knew that would only make things worse.
“Goddamnit!” Darry shouted, his fist hitting the wall. It shook the house. Soda was so glad Johnny and Steve weren’t there. “Listen to me, Ponyboy!”
Soda entered the house quietly, toeing off his shoes and setting down his backpack instead of dropping it. Darry and Pony were facing off in the kitchen, Ponyboy’s hackles raised and Darry’s arms crossed.
Ponyboy growled at his older brother. Listen to me. Stop talking.
Soda tensed at the fragmented sentences. Ponyboy had already been shifted too long. His beautiful mind was turning into that of a feral wolf. Soda stepped into the kitchen. Immediately, Ponyboy darted over to him, pushing his head under Soda’s hand.
Soda sighed and ran his hand over Pony’s head. “Hey, honey.”
Darry didn’t seem swayed by Soda’s presence in the slightest, “Maybe I should just send you to the boy’s home and get it over with. If you keep on like this, they’ll take you away so fast, it’ll make your head spin!”
Tears gathered in the back of Soda’s throat. He knew Darry would never do that. Darry loved them too much. He was just so scared. But God, hearing that hurt. Ponyboy growled at Darry again. You’d like that. You’d finally get us out of your hair.
“Ponyboy-” Soda tried, but Ponyboy kept going. You’re not Dad. You’re not Mama.
“They’re fucking dead!” Darry exclaimed, gesturing wildly. “Don’t you get that?”
Ponyboy whined as though the words physically hurt him, he tried to hide behind Soda’s legs. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you.
“Pony…” Soda tried to reach out for his baby brother, but Ponyboy turned and stormed out of the kitchen, heading back to his bedroom.
Soda met Darry’s eyes, no longer able to hold back tears. Darry slammed his fist into one of the cabinets in frustration. Soda was being torn in half. He wanted to go to his big brother and assure him that Pony didn’t mean it. He wanted to chase after Ponyboy and hold him until everything was better. He wanted to scream and scream until everything was right again.
But then Soda heard Ponyboy whine softly. I want mama.
That small phrase had Soda quickly leaving Darry to find Ponyboy. It was easy enough, there were only so many hiding places a wolf could fit into. Sure enough, he was hiding under the bed, tucked as far back as he could get.
Soda laid on his stomach and peered at him. All he could make out of Pony was the gleam of his eyes and the vague shape of his white fur. “Please, baby,” Soda cooed to him softly. “You need to shift back.”
Ponyboy blinked at him and then turned around, facing the wall. I want to stay like this. Quiet.
Soda wanted to tear the room apart with his claws. He wanted to bite into his brother until he understood that they couldn’t bear to lose Ponyboy either. Darry was lost in his mind with the responsibility of the pack and now he was so close to losing Ponyboy. He couldn’t bear it.
My mind is clearer as a wolf, Ponyboy told him once, I don’t have to think about scary things.
Everything was scary now. Soda felt it too.
And because he wasn’t going to leave his brother, Soda crawled under the bed with him. It was a tight fight, but Soda managed to pull himself beside Ponyboy. He immediately knew why Ponyboy liked it so much under there. It was warm and quiet. It was safe.
Ponyboy turned his head to look at Soda expectantly. Soda sighed and reached out, running his fingers over the short fur on Pony’s nose. Pony’s eyes closed. “It’s okay. I’ll be here as long as it takes.” Ponyboy whined and moved forward, licking at Soda’s cheeks. Soda laughed. “Thanks, sweetheart.”
The two of them stayed like that for a long time. At some point, Pony fell asleep, snoring softly. Soda didn’t. He laid under the bed and watched Ponyboy. This was the same little boy who was so scared of thunder, he wouldn’t calm down until he was cradled against their mama’s chest. He was still the little puppy who’d nipped at Soda’s heels when he wanted to play and tugged on Darry’s ears until he snapped at him.
Soda wished he could take all of the hurt and make it his own. He would suffer this pain a hundred times over so his brothers wouldn’t. But since he couldn’t, he just stayed.
It was Thursday when Soda couldn’t take it anymore.
Darry was stressed, he was falling apart. Soda knew Darry hadn’t shifted in nearly two weeks. It wasn’t healthy. He knew Darry’s wolf must be trying to tear him apart from the inside. Especially as the leader of the pack, it was so important for him to let himself shift. But Darry hadn’t. On top of that, the fighting had only gotten worse and worse.
At this point, Soda was so sure he would lose Ponyboy to his wolf.
Soda needed to do something about it. So, he stormed into Darry’s bedroom, hands on his hips. Darry was in the middle of unbuttoning his work shirt, his fingers crusted with dirt and grime. It looked like his hands were smarting something awful by the tense way he held them.
When he looked up, Soda could see just how exhausted he was. His big brother looked like a ghost. What would their parents think of how far they’d fallen?
“Darry,” he started softly, “Darry, you’re scaring me.”
The first time Soda saw his big brother as a wolf, he giggled and reached out to grab his ear. Darry growled a little, but their father snapped at him, don’t scare him, Darry.
Darry ignored him.
Soda took another step forward, “You need to shift; we both know it’s hurting you not to.” Darry didn’t listen, he just kept working at his shirt. His hands were shaking. Soda stepped forward and shoved his brother’s hands aside to do the buttons for him. “You can’t keep going on like this. You’ll lose your wolf.”
“Maybe that’s what I want,” Darry snapped. “Ever think of that?” Soda stepped back; Darry never talked to him like that, he sounded more animal than human. “Did you ever think that maybe I don’t want to be the alpha? I was so fucking close to leaving this pack only to be sucked right back in. Did you ever think of that?” It took everything in Soda not to flinch at the harsh words. Darry scoffed, “Of course, you didn’t. All you can think about is Ponyboy.”
Soda flinched then, “You don’t mean that. Ponyboy is hurting, you’re hurting. You’re trying to push me away and it’s not going to work.” He stepped forward and put his hand flat on his brother’s chest. Darry looked as though the contact pained him. He tried to step back, but Soda forced their foreheads together, holding Darry in place as he tried to resist.
“Soda, it’s too much,” Darry told him, voice laced thick with tears.
“I know.” Soda pressed his hand harder against his chest, like he was trying to reach in and squeeze Darry’s heart. “You know shifting will make it easier.”
“Too easy,” Darry snapped.
“Oh.” Soda looked at his brother with so much sorrow. He realized then that Darry didn’t shift because he didn’t think he deserved it. Darry was punishing himself. He was going to let the wolf tear him apart just because of the guilt roaring inside of him. “It wasn’t your fault.”
Darry pushed Soda’s hand away with a growl, “Leave me alone, Sodapop. I’m done talking to you.” Darry tried to storm past Soda, but Soda grabbed his arm. It took all his power not to spring his claws and drag his brother back towards him. If he let Darry go now, he would never get him back.
“Well, I’m not done,” Soda said, even as Darry turned around and shoved him backwards, forcing him to let go. “You’re making yourself sick. I can’t let you do that-”
An animalistic growl came from the doorway and they looked over to see Ponyboy watching them with his hackles raised, teeth bared at Darry. “Fuck off,” Darry spat at him. “Now you’re choosing to be involved? I can’t even talk to you, Ponyboy, you won’t even shift!”
Ponyboy growled again, but Soda could see that he didn’t mean it. He was scared, he wasn’t angry. He was trying to protect Soda, the wolf inside him perceived Darry as a threat.
“Darry, leave him alone,” Soda tried, “you’re just making him more upset.”
“Making him more upset?” Darry asked. His eyes were flashing red. He was close to shifting. “He doesn’t even know what’s happening! He’s just ignoring everything that’s happening because it’s too hard. News flash, it’s hard for everyone, Ponyboy, not just you.” Darry’s nails grew into claws, they dug into Soda’s arm. Soda didn’t let any pain show on his face. Darry snarled at Ponyboy.
Ponyboy growled again, taking another step forward. Soda knew he was trying to stand up for Soda, but Darry didn’t. All Darry could see was a wolf with bared teeth and a growl filling the room. Both of them were trying to protect Soda from the other.
Soda tried to push himself between them, but Darry wouldn’t allow it. Ponyboy took another step forward, that was all it took for the shift to come over Darry. Soda wasn’t surprised at all.
But he was surprised when Darry’s clawed paw reached out and swiped Pony on the cheek.
The scent of blood filled the room.
The blow knocked Ponyboy to the side, causing him to stumble a few feet. Ponyboy whined as he righted himself, looking up at Soda. There were three red gashes on his face, blood staining his white fur.
Soda saw the moment Darry realized what he’d done, a whine began low in his throat as he stepped towards Ponyboy. But Ponyboy flinched and turned tail and ran out of the room.
Soda shifted. As he did, he too could smell the thick layer of blood in the room. He might have just been imagining it. Instead of going after Ponyboy, he went to his big brother.
Soda nudged against Darry’s neck. There you are, I missed you.
I hurt him. Ponyboy’s hurt. I can smell his blood.
Soda licked at Darry’s face, trying to comfort him. It’ll heal fast. He’ll be okay. You’re here.
Blood. I can smell his blood. I caused that. Then he lowered his nose to Soda’s leg where he’d dug his claws in earlier. You’re hurt.
It’s okay. I trust you.
Darry’s brown eyes turned to look at Soda. Soda didn’t flinch, he met his gaze steadily. Darry stepped forward. He pressed their foreheads together like Soda did earlier. I will fix this, little brother. I swear. I will fix this.
Darry ran to the lot, following the scent of his baby brother. As a wolf, the sounds of the pack in his head were so much louder, but he pushed them aside in his sheer desperation to get to his brother.
Don’t play too rough with him now, Darry, he’s still little.
Darry slowed to a walk when he came to the lot.
Exactly as expected, he found Ponyboy nestled beside Johnny in the dark. Johnny’s sleek, black wolf was just a bit bigger than Pony, letting Ponyboy easily tuck himself against him. Darry let out a relieved exhale, padding forward towards them. Ponyboy.
He was stopped by a low growl.
Darry turned to see Dallas creeping towards him from the shadows. He’d always been a large wolf, matching Darry in size. He had brown and orange coloring, looking more like a vicious beast than anyone else in the gang. Dally was dangerous. His gums were pulled back as he growled, stepping between Pony and Johnny and Darry.
What are you doing? Darry snarled right back. Move.
Dally just kept growling; eyes narrowed at Darry. Kid’s hurt. You ain’t getting near him.
Behind Dally, Johnny tried to curl around Ponyboy, laying his head over Pony’s neck protectively. Darry’s hackles rose. He needed to go to Ponyboy and check his cheek to make sure it was healing. He needed to bring Pony home and make sure he was safe. Dallas would not get in the way of that.
Move or I make you move.
Darry had only just taken a step forward when Dallas leapt at him, jaws open. They’d fought quite a bit, but not like this. This wasn’t for play or over scraps of food, this was to protect their little brother. For him, they would fight until the end
Ponyboy watched in horror as Dally and Darry fought. Dally had his jaw around Darry’s throat, Darry trying to kick him off. The snarls and snaps filled the night. With each sound, Johnny pressed deeper against Pony. He wasn’t sure if Johnny was trying to protect him or hide in his thick coat.
My brother, Darry snarled as he freed himself from Dally’s hold and circled him, there was blood on his teeth. Not yours. Mine.
You hurt him, Dally growled back. He jumped at Darry again, claws extended.
No, Ponyboy whimpered. No fight. Stop. Hurt. Will get hurt.
He was ignored, the older wolves tearing into each other. Ponyboy smelled blood from both of them. It clogged his nose and throat. He wanted to throw up. He wanted his Mama. She would know how to fix this.
Ponyboy extracted himself from Johnny’s side, rising to his feet. Johnny whined, but let him go.
There was only one way Pony could stop this fight. He took a deep breath. Then another. His shift took longer than it had since he was a kid. His bones cracked and ached as they snapped and wound back in place. His pores stung as the fur disappeared. His jaw cramped, suddenly having much smaller teeth.
It hurt. God, it hurt.
“Stop!” Ponyboy shouted, his voice aloud for the first time in two weeks.
The two wolves stopped fighting immediately, looking at Pony with surprise. Dally ran over to him, crowding against him to push him back. Ponyboy shook his head, “No.”
He took a shaky step forward and almost fell, but regained his balance.
He needed to face this. To face Darry. He needed to fix this, though he knew it was probably too late. Darry was probably already planning to get rid of him. Pony wouldn’t blame him in the slightest.
Ponyboy fell to his knees in front of Darry. The sight of his brother’s wolf had always been comforting. He knew that when he saw those eyes and teeth that nothing would be allowed to hurt him. With a shaking hand, Ponyboy touched Darry’s soft cheek, smoothing down the fur.
His brain still felt jumbled, he couldn’t form sentences the way he wanted to. The human brain was too complex. So instead, he said, “Brother.” Darry remained perfectly still. “Love, love. Even if. You hate. Me.”
Darry whined, nudging his nose against Pony’s cheek where the scratches were scabbed over. Darry licked at his cheek, trying to clean the blood away. Pony’s eyes welled with tears. He pressed his forehead to Darry’s. He inhaled deeply and then hugged the wolf around the neck. He pressed his face into Darry’s fur, leaning against him.
I love you. Baby. My baby.
Ponyboy started to sob.
Darry’s head fell against Pony’s back, holding him in place. Ponyboy clung to his big brother and wept for the first time since losing his parents.
The first thing Darry said when he saw his new brother for the first time was, “Why does he smell so weird?”
Mama started laughing, looking down at the child in her arms. Darry thought she looked beautiful, even if she was sweaty and tired. “He probably smells like the hospital, hm? The nurse just gave him a bath.”
Darry wrinkled his nose, “I don’t like it.” He reached forward and touched his fingers to Ponyboy’s cheek, dragging them to his forehead. He left behind a faint trail of his scent on the new baby. That was better. If he was his brother, he needed to smell like him.
Sodapop was held at Dad’s hip, too little to sit on the bed with Mama and the baby. “Is he a wolf?” Darry asked.
“Not yet,” Mama told him. “But he will be. And you and Soda are gonna show him how to do it, right?”
Darry puffed up his chest and nodded, “We’ll make him the best wolf in the world.” Dad laughed and touched his head fondly. Darry leaned down and pushed his nose to Pony’s little forehead, trying to find the scent of the new pack member beneath the antiseptic. When Mama leaned down to push him back, he growled at her.
She lifted an eyebrow at him, “You wanna try that again, sweetheart?”
“Sorry,” Darry murmured. He leaned away from the baby.
Dad looked down at him with a smile, “You like him, huh?” Darry nodded. “Good, he’s gonna need you a whole lot.”
Soda looked up when the front door opened. In walked his brothers. Darry with his arm around the shoulders of Ponyboy. The kid was human, trembling and scared. The cuts on his cheek were almost healed, nothing more than old scabs.
Soda ran forward and scooped Pony into a tight hug. For the first time in weeks, he could feel Ponyboy’s skin against his. Ponyboy hugged him back just as fiercely, burying his head in Soda’s shoulder. Soda could feel hot tears stain his shirt. Poor kid, he’d been keeping everything inside for so long and now he was feeling it all at once.
Without any discussion, Soda picked up his baby brother and walked to Darry’s bedroom. Even as humans, they could smell Darry and Mama and Dad all mixed together. Comforting smells to both of them. Darry trailed behind them unsurely, only when the two boys were sitting on his bed did he pad over to join them.
Ponyboy lifted his head and reached out to Darry, latching onto his shirt sleeve. “Stay.”
Soda wanted to cry at the sound of his voice. He didn’t realize how much he missed it. Darry nodded, “You’re in my room, I don’t really have a choice.” Soda smirked, rolling his eyes at his big brother.
But Darry sat down, moving so that Ponyboy was pressed between them. They were tucked together, just like the wolves in the photo in Darry’s wallet. The one Darry thought nobody knew about. Soda reached a hand over to grab Darry’s arm, making sure he didn’t leave.
“I’m scared,” Ponyboy said softly. The word was as loud as gong in the quiet room.
Soda leaned down and pressed a teary kiss to his head, “I know. We all are. But we’re together now, okay? Everything's gonna be alright.”
Ponyboy looked up at Darry with wide eyes, Darry could see the question in his eyes. And though he didn’t know if it was true, he ran a hand over Pony’s head and said, “Yeah, we’re gonna be alright.”
“Can we shift?” Ponyboy asked. “I know you. Don’t want me to.”
Soda and Darry made eye contact over Pony’s head. Darry kissed Pony’s head, “Just for tonight, baby.”
That permission was all it took for Ponyboy to shift, his brothers following suit.
Safe, Darry purred. The words settled something deep inside of Soda, primal and feral. It seemed to have the same effect on Ponyboy. We’re okay.
Soda’s tail started wagging, Pony’s following soon after. Things wouldn’t be okay for a long time. Life probably wouldn’t ever be normal again. But they had each other. For now, that was enough.