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There's a certain tenderness Sirius felt for Remus like no other. On the exterior Sirius was a flirt, not thinking much of who he went out with. On the interior, all he cared about was Moony. It's true he didn’t really think when he flirted with people, that's because none of them were Remus. He didn’t care all that much if they weren't Moony. He felt bad about just leading people on, he really would try to find someone else but every time his brain wandered back to Remus, his Moony. He didn't like it whenever people would treat Remus unkind, he'd get overly mad or do something he’d regret. Then he’d feel bad because what right did he have to be protecting Remus that way. He's not even his Moony. He could protect himself as well. It's not like he was helpless. But that didn’t matter; he'd still get worked up. He would beat himself and feel horrible about those feelings he had. He’d try and stop them, he’d go out with girls, but it just never worked. He knew there was something wrong with him, he felt twisted, but there wasn't anything he could do about it. So he then tried to keep a girlfriend.
He dated Marlene for a while. It was okay for a little, Marlene seemed happy. He thought he was happy. Everyone was surprised that Sirius had finally settled down with a girlfriend. James would tease him about it and he’d just glare. They were inseparable, Lily would make jokes that they would probably get married later on in life, Sirius would laugh and shrug, but on the inside that made him stir. He realized he couldn't live a life that way, married to Marlene. He once again felt horrible. The flame burning inside of him for Remus was sparked again. But if he was being truthful to himself, it never died. So then every kiss she’d give him, every flirty remark, or anniversary gift, he’d smile, but then his mind would wander again… He couldn't help it, Remus practically infected Sirius’ veins. Every bit of him was devoted to Remus. Eventually, Marlene noticed him begin to get distant. She ignored it in the beginning because she thought maybe he was having some school issue that he would figure out. It didn’t get any better so she asked him what was going on. He said he’d do better and for a little while he did, they were happy again. Studying together, spending all of their time during hogsmeade trips together, it was like nothing ever happened. Then he grew distant again. She confronted him. He’d do better, then the distance would come again. That became a routine for them.
Marlene knew it was time to break it off when she saw the glances he gave Remus. They were so subtle yet packed with the most intense love she’d ever seen. She knew by the way he would softly smile at Remus every time he muttered anything or anytime he’d laugh Sirius looked at him like he hung the moon and the stars. She knew by the way that just one look at Remus and Sirius would know what he was feeling, Sirius was connected with Remus on a level that they never could have hoped to be. She knew by the way Sirius' gaze would linger just a split second too long on Remus, or how his gaze would flicker down to the boy's lips. She knew because Sirius would always accommodate Remus no matter what. It was always Remus first. If he was uncomfortable Sirius was the first to notice and the first to fix it. She knew it was time. When she broke it off it was a very calm interaction, they both knew at that time it wasn’t going to last. It was mutual. There was no big fight, Marlene just told him that she felt that the feelings weren't there anymore, they were dying. He felt so much relief. He didn’t have to feel bad for losing feelings because she was losing them too. She didn't mention at all that she knew about Remus. She knew that would be a touchy subject. So she kept it to herself and moved on.
People were surprised when they found out about the breakup. No one knew they were having problems because they hid it, they didn't want anyone in on their business. When James found out, he knew why they broke up. He knew the whole time before Marlene and him even dated what Sirius was set on, Remus. James wasn't blind, Sirius was his best friend he knew the way he felt about the boy. It wasn't how he felt for him and Peter, no it was deeper. The whole time they'd been friends really he knew it was deeper. When they were first and second years, Sirius would always find a way to sit next to Remus everywhere, he still does that, but not to the extreme it was. Sirius would say that he just didn’t want Remus to get picked on, or he didn’t want him to get hurt. He’d wait until Remus sat down so that he could sit down next to him, or he’d yank him down next to him. Moony being Moony would just blush slightly and laugh at Sirius, but James being James, also knew how Remus felt. Yes, partly because he could tell, Remus was always very polite and he was the quietest and most reserved of them all, but it was different with Sirius. He was very bashful around Sirius, he would blush so red you’d think someone had painted him whenever Sirius would say something flirty to him, or give him a normal compliment. He was also less quiet with Sirius in a way. He was very open around him and not scared to speak his feelings or call him out for being stupid. Not that he didn't do that with the others, but still.
James had also known because Remus told him. It was the weekend after Sirius and Marlene got together, Remus had been acting so strange. He was being quieter than usual, he wasn’t calling him and Sirius out for their Idiocracy, he wasn’t even piping up in conversation. He was sitting there reading his book looking as if his dog had died. So James asked him what was going on. Remus started fidgeting with his hands telling James it was nothing, but James wasn’t going to leave it. He knew something was wrong and he wanted to help. Eventually James got it out of Remus that it was Sirius he was so upset over. He was upset about his new development with Marlene. To say James didn’t already have a hunch is a lie, he did, but hearing Moony admit this to him made him feel so special. He knew it probably took Remus a lot of courage to say that, so he hugged him. It was full of so much warmth and it made James want to fall apart or combust on the spot. When he heard Moony softly sob into his shoulder, that pained him. It was the worst sound he’d ever heard. He never wanted to hear his friends upset or hurt. He wished there was something he could do, but of course Sirius just had to be dense and not realize the boy he wanted was there in his arms, waiting and begging for him. Remus had made James promise to never tell a soul, so of course he never did. It was a rather hard secret to keep, but he kept it well and Remus was forever grateful.
The whole bubbling gossip of Sirius and Marlene's breakup blew over after a while. People got bored and moved on to the next people to terrorize that week. Sirius felt grateful to be single, but at the same time that meant he had no one to occupy his brain except for Remus. He became hyper aware of anything Remus did or said. Remus would accidentally brush his hand against his own and Sirius’ brain would go haywire. The words that would come out of his mouth would be utter gibberish and Remus would just sit there confused as to what was happening, half wondering if he was having a stroke. Or anytime Sirius and Remus would be talking, Sirius would be zoned out. He’d be thinking about the sweet sound that was Remus’ voice. He thought it sounded like the sweetest honey that could have ever existed. Remus would have no clue that he was melting Sirius with just the sound of his voice, Sirius partly wished that he did know. He wouldn’t have to sit there aching from the pain that was wanting Remus. But then he partly was grateful he didn’t know because of the bitter feeling of rejection he would get from Remus declining him.
Because of all this, Sirius decided it best to distance himself. It first started with being less touchy with Remus. Sirius wouldn't sit next to Remus anymore, he’d sit next to James. Or instead of hugging Remus to congratulate him on a good grade or any other feat, Sirius would just give verbal congratulations. All the marauders thought this was weird seeing Sirius avoid such actions with Moony, because before he was all over Remus. Not to an extent that he thought would make him uncomfortable, no, he knew when Remus didn’t want to be touched. But it was still a lot. He used to find any way to make contact with Remus and suddenly it stopped. This hurt Remus a little. Who was he kidding? It hurt him a lot. He missed the hugs from Sirius, he missed the way Sirius would sit so close to him that their arms and legs were pressed together. He missed the subtle brushes Sirius would give Remus with his hand. He missed it all. But Sirius’ distancing then advanced from no physical touch to avoiding seeing Remus at all. Whenever the marauders would normally hang out Sirius would make up some excuse to not see them. He’d say he wasn’t feeling well or that he was catching up on his work for school. That was ironic though because with his new found free time his grades were actually declining. He would just sit curled up in his dormitory reading for god's sake. He never read before but he thought he’d try. He knew that he was being a dramatic asshole, but he couldn't take being around Remus anymore, it was killing him.
The other marauders were getting quite worried about him and Remus was starting to think that Sirius was mad at him because of the way he was especially avoiding him. He’d still hang out with the others sometimes, but he’d make one of his silly excuses every time Remus wanted to hang out. Remus expressed this to James and the anger James was feeling towards Sirius was indescribable. Why the hell was he doing this? Well really James had a hunch as to why but he still wanted to slap Sirius across the face and tell him to get his act together and just tell Remus how he felt. But at the time when Remus told him how he was feeling, he kept his anger underway. He hugged him and told him he thought, no he knew that Sirius wasn’t mad at him it was probably just some issue he was having with school. Remus is not a fragile being really, but when it came to Sirius he could get really upset. Remus wasn’t just sad he was also angry at Sirius. Why the hell was he ignoring him? He wanted to go scream at him or punch him in the gut or anything really. He was just angry. He missed Sirius. It was a pain like no other and it was bubbling to the point he thought he might explode. James had decided enough was enough after his talk with Remus, he stormed up to Sirius’ bed fuming. He came in hot and started yelling. He was trying to get Sirius to just fess up that he liked Remus. He did eventually say it, he said it as if he was ashamed of the fact too like there was something wrong with him. Then it hit James, he remembered the house Sirius grew up in. The house of Black. Those blood purists who were the least accepting people on the planet. He probably did really think he was twisted in the head. James’ whole demeanor softened even though he was still mad about how poorly Sirius was handling this situation. He sat down next to Sirius on his bed and laid a comforting arm over his shoulder. He told Sirius there was nothing wrong with him. He wasn’t twisted, wasn't messed up, he was just in love. Sirius had never described how he felt for Remus that way really, never called it love. When James said that it's like his brain went quiet, his face heated up intensely. But there was also a weight lifted off his shoulders. Somebody finally knew about these feelings he harbored. He wasn’t alone anymore. He felt like crying, but was so ashamed too because he was taught crying was a show of weakness. A few tears slipped out, but he quickly wiped them away. James noticed this. He told Sirius that it's okay to cry, that made more tears flow so Sirius buried his head in James' shoulder to hide his face. His tears weren’t necessarily sad, they were just tears of relief. He felt so free. After he stopped crying and James and him had talked out how Sirius was feeling, (Sirius needed that so badly) the anger rose to James once again, not as fiery, but still mad. He told Sirius that he needed to stop hiding away, it's not helping to sit alone with his thoughts. Everyone missed him, especially Remus. James even decided to add how Remus thought Sirius was mad at him to motivate him to stop isolating. That made his heart ache. The thought of Remus thinking he was mad. He could never be mad at him. That was his Moony.
After a long talk and lots of yelling from a very angry James, Sirius decided it was time for him to get his feelings out. If he held them in any longer he’d pop. He was so sick and tired of staying up late longing. The next day after classes finished, Sirius had told Remus he wanted to meet up at the astronomy tower. Remus had said yes, not asking any questions, he just wanted to hang out with Sirius. He was so grateful he was finally getting to really be with him again. He was starved of Sirius’ attention. Sirius had prepared like a madman for the speech he was gonna give Remus. He even brought his favorite chocolate for him, but when the Taller boy actually was standing in front of him his whole speech was gone. His mind was blank, his heart was racing. His palms started to sweat. How could he confess to this beautiful boy in front of him? He was prettier than every piece of art, every star, every galaxy. But at the same time he was just Moony. He could do this, Remus would never react badly, that's just not who he is. The worst he could get was a polite rejection. But really even a polite rejection would wreck his world and turn him upside down. He waited so long to start that Remus started for him. “Sirius…” he waited a beat longer to continue. “There’s so many things I have to say, there's no good place to begin- I don't know exactly why you asked me to come here, but I have a hunch and I'm hoping it's right.” He took a step closer to Sirius gaining more confidence. “I've known for a while now how I've felt about you. Really if I'm being honest with myself I came to terms with it when we were second years.” He laughed dryly at himself. Sirius was standing there like a deer in headlights, his heart was beating so fast he was scared that Remus might be able to hear it. “Sirius, every subtle brush of your hand against mine, every hug, high five, every compliment, every smile. Everything you do entices me. It's such a feeling I've never felt for anyone else.” Sirius’ brain was really short-circuiting now, hearing the boy he loved say these things about him made him want to melt into a puddle. Remus took another step forward and grabbed his hand. “You're beautiful in every way, even when you act stupid or you piss me off, or flat out ignore me, I still don't care because you're you. You're unapologetically you. Since I met you You've been that way. But no matter how stupid you act, or how much you piss me off, you dickhead-” he laughed at that and Sirius smiled softly at him, “I still love you. I always have, always will. There's only one you, forever there will only be one you.” Remus speaking those words felt like a warm embrace. He wanted to wrap himself up in them and never leave. Sirius lost all ability to speak so instead he wrapped Remus up in the warmest tightest embrace he could give. It was packed with all the love Sirius could give. He buried his head in the other boy’s neck savoring the feeling of his soft hair tickling his nose. “I love you, Moony.” Those words felt like a sweet nectar coming off of Sirius’ lips, gracing his ears. Remus felt like he was melting down to his core and it was all caused by Sirius Black. Sirius couldn’t take it anymore so he leaned upwards and took the taller boy’s lips into a kiss. Remus immediately kissed back not wanting to wait a moment longer either. There was an immense amount of love put into that kiss. It wasn’t fiery or hungry, it was sweet and slow. All the years of longing and waiting were thrown into it. They were so wrapped up in each other the world could have been ending around them and they wouldn’t have known. They pulled back from the kiss, but stayed pressed against each other with their foreheads together. There was a big weight lifted from both of them making them feel thousands of pounds lighter. They felt airy, free like they were floating through the clouds without a care. The longing was finally over. “So… uhm can we- should we be something more now?” Sirius asked, stuttering over his words which made Remus laugh a little. “Yeah I think we should.” The taller boy smiled sweetly down at him admiring the blush that had fallen upon his cheeks. Sirius smiled so brightly he looked like a child in a candy store. He wanted to jump for joy and yell from the rooftops that he was now really his Moony. Which sparked an idea in him. He grinned then swiftly, but gently pulled away from Remus, which made his face twist into a look of confusion. Sirius leaned onto the railing of the astronomy tower, standing on his tippy toes. “Moony is mine and I'm his, my Moony!” He yelled bursting from the seams with happiness. Remus shook his head fondly at the boy, then yanked him from the railing into a hug. “I've always been yours, I'll always be yours.” He spoke, his voice slightly muffled from his face being buried in Sirius’ dark curly hair. They stood finally feeling content after years of waiting. They felt safe, they knew they were exactly where they needed to be now, forever.