Chapter Text
You waste too much time doing this. You’ve already collected all the damned sea urchins there are to collect. You should just move on. But…
The ball bounces off his knee and flies above his head. He follows it with his eyes and moves instinctively to catch the ball on his ankle behind him, kicking it back up, and clipping it with his toe. You watch closely. You follow the ball as it keeps moving and moving and moving.
Hayley watches from afar too. You wonder if he performs better knowing he’s got an audience. You wonder which of you he’s performing for. You can see his eyes flash over to Hayley but… there’s no doubt he’s seen you there too.
Only, it’s always Hayley he walks off with. It’s always Hayley he spends all day with at the ice cream bar. It’s always Hayley.
You shove your hoe into your bag and stand up from the ground. You’ve already spent far too long here. You trudge across the beach towards the bridge and glance back over your shoulder. His eyes meet yours for just a second and you quicken your pace.
You’re walking on dangerous ground here. You’ve met Alex’s type before. You’ve obsessed over Alex’s type before. It always ends with a mouthful of dirt. When you were younger, you used to convince yourself that they’d find it flattering—even if they weren’t gay, everyone likes it when someone likes them right? Wrong. You’d learned the hard way that guys like Alex don’t find it flattering when you like them. They find it insulting. How dare you think they’re gay?
You jostle slightly as your shoulder collides with something. When you turn to apologize, you come face to face with Sam’s bright smile.
“Y/N!” He smiles and bounces over to hug you. “Way in your head, are you? Watch where you’re going.” He grinds his knuckles over your scalp and you wince.
“Sorry.” You chuckle, shoving him away from you. “Where are you going off to in such a rush?”
“Heading out to meet Seb at the mountain lake.” He smiles, pink tinting his cheeks.
“Ahh, nice.” You smile but Sam sees right through it.
“Sorry.” He drops his chin and scratches the back of his neck.
“Oh, don’t apologize. I’m happy for you guys.” You punch his shoulder. This is embarrassing. He’s like this all the time, feeling sorry for you being single while he’s in a happy and open relationship. “Have a great day.”
“See you around.” He chuckles awkwardly and jogs off. You watch him for a moment before turning back and heading towards the farm. Time to do what you do every day—work so hard you forget the pain.
~*~*~*~*~
“Sunshine Farm, Y/N speaking. How can I help?” You pin your cellphone between your ear and your shoulder as you pluck a hot pepper bush bare.
“Ah, I wanted to order some eggs.” You hear the voice come through. You drop the hot peppers and grab the phone. Alex.
“From me?” You ask without thinking.
“Yeah.” He replies. “Shane’s out of town for a week or two. He said you have chickens too. I need a dozen today and a dozen in two days. Can you manage, Sunshine ?” He shoots straight to business. Your heart double beats at the nickname, even though it drips with condescension.
“Of course.” You force yourself to speak. “For a dozen I can make it a bundle deal. Say, 550G for the dozen.” You bend to your knee and pick up the hot peppers you’d dropped.
“Really?” He asks, sounding surprised. “That’s cheaper than Shane’s. Great stuff. I’ll ahh, see you tomorrow then.”
“You got it.” You reply and force yourself to be the first to hang up. You stare off at your chicken coop. Eggs for Alex. That’s all it is. No need to get anxious or worked up. It’s just eggs for Alex. You can do this.
~*~*~*~*~
“Good morning, Mrs Mullner.” You bow your head when the elderly woman opens the front door.
“Ahh, Y/N. How nice to see you!” She cries, reaching out a hand to draw you inside. “To what do we owe the pleasure?”
“Oh, I’m just delivering an order for Alex. Is he here?” You step into the kitchen with a smile.
“I’m here.” You turn on your heel to find Alex standing in the hallway. Your breath hitches and you instantly avert your gaze before your cheeks can burn red. He stands with loose athletic shorts and a towel around his neck. That’s it. You can’t look for much longer or you’ll start staring. “You said 550G?”
“Uhm, yup.” You clear your throat and hold out the carton towards him.
“More eggs, honey?” Mrs Mullner steps forward and wrings her hands together.
“I told you, G,” Alex sighs and takes the carton from you, replacing the weight with coin instead, “I need the protein.”
“But, you barely eat anything else. I’m starting to get worried about you.” Mrs Mullner sighs as you shove your hands into your pockets.
“Don’t be.” Alex sighs too. “I can’t build if I don’t load up on protein. Ain’t that right, Sunshine?” Alex looks over at you and your eyes dart up from where they’d been obediently staring at the carpet.
“Oh, uhm…” You open your mouth dumbly and close it. “Yeah, it’s true, Mrs Mullner.” You nod and turn away from the self-satisfied smile that spreads across Alex’s face. “But it’s not always fun to eat the same stuff. There’s tons of protein in legumes, and nuts, and quinoa, and lean meats too.”
Alex’s eyes widened and Mrs Mullner’s did too. A bright smile spread across her face.
“Ya hear that, honey?” She cooes, reaching over to pat Alex’s arm. “We can get all that stuff for you.”
“I should really get going.” You scratch the back of your neck and step towards the door. Disagreeing with guys like Alex, especially in front of other people, never ends well. You need to get out of here before he loses his temper.
“Have a good day, Y/N.” Mrs Mullner calls after you. You smile and wave before ducking out the door.
“Hey, wait up.” You pause in your tracks at the sound of Alex’s voice. “Why the hell do you know so much about protein?” He asks. You turn and get a glimpse of those abs for only a moment before his shirt is covering them. He wipes the sweat off his brow with his knuckle and eyes you down.
“Huh?” You open your mouth without thinking.
“I said, how the hell do you know so much about protein?” He asks.
“Oh, uhm.” You stumble over your words. Months and months of pre-prepared meals fly through your mind. Months and months of particular calorie counting and precise serving amounts. “I… Part of the job.” You find an answer and shrug. “Gotta know what to recommend to customers if they ask.” You chuckle.
“‘s that so?” Alex asks. “And what’s so wrong with eating only eggs?”
“Oh, no.” You shake your hands in front of you. “Nothing wrong with it. But, ya know, it can get boring.” You shrug. “I couldn’t stomach eating the same thing every day.” You say.
“Legumes, and… what?” He asks, scratching the bag of his neck and averting his gaze. “Also, what the hell are legumes?” He cringes into himself.
You smile brightly and take a step toward him.
“Things like beans and peas and stuff.” You explain. “Those, nuts and seeds, quinoa, fish, chicken, stuff like that. Tons of protein and makes for a more interesting diet, don’t you think?”
“Yeah, ‘spose so.” He shrugs. “Shane never mentioned anything about other proteins.”
“I doubt Shane knows much more about food than which toppings taste best on his pizza.” You chuckle. “If you want, I can make a list for you?” You offer. You smile and try not to pat yourself on the back. Look at you, having a normal conversation with Alex. You didn’t totally fuck this up. Go you.
“Sure.” He says and looks back at the house. “Listen, I gotta get back to my workout. I’ll… ahh, text you about it, sound good?”
“Yeah, sure.” You wave him off and watch him dart back into the house. As the door shuts behind him, you let out a harsh breath. You thought you’d forgotten about all that nonsense. You thought you’d gotten rid of all that useless information. What good did it do you now, anyway? But apparently, it’s all still stored up there somewhere because you can see meal after meal in your head.
But which to send to Alex?
~*~*~*~*~
Alex: This is a lot more effort than eggs.
You: I used to do all my meal prep on a Sunday to minimize cooking time during the week.
Alex: What’s meal prep?
Alex isn’t like any other guys you’ve dealt with before. From the outside, you were sure you had him clocked, but the more you talk to him, the more you see him. For one, he isn’t afraid to admit what he doesn’t know. He asks so many questions and you find yourself answering them without hesitation.
You try to keep your texts short and concise. You don’t want him to find you boring. You don’t want him to get overwhelmed with the information. It’s more important that he gets a solid understanding. If he improves his diet, his skill will go up too. You can’t wait to see how he plays then.
Alex: Can you show me how?
Your heart stops for a moment before beating hard in your chest. You stare down at your phone with a slack jaw. You blink hard and read the message again. What does that mean? Show him? As in, spend time together? Or, should you send him a Youtube video? Or, does he actually mean…?
You: Sure.
You throw the ball back in his court, let him define what he means.
Alex: Your place or mine?
You bite your knuckle and shut your eyes. He did… He meant hanging out. He meant spending time together. You take a deep breath.
“Hey, Y/N.” Sam answers after the first ring. “What’s up?”
“I… Uh…” You stare at the wall in front of you and stutter.
“Something wrong?” He asks.
“I need advice.” You mutter.
“From me ? You sure you have the right number?” He chuckles.
“Yes.” You groan. “I have a dilemma.”
“Okay, I’ll do my best. What’s the issue? Use the wrong insecticide or something?”
“There’s a guy.” Sam immediately goes quiet on the other side. “I can’t tell you who but… I think he wants to hang out.”
“And that’s an issue because?”
“ Because I don’t want to misread the situation, Sammy. This guy isn’t gay. He just wants to hang out like guys hang out—in fact, it’s even worse than that. He only wants me to teach him something.” You groan and lean against the minecart. Your limbs are aching and you’re covered in slime and bug guts. You should be heading home. There are still a few things to do before bed. “I just… I don’t want to make him uncomfortable. I don’t want him to think I’m trying to get with him or anything.”
“Are you?” Sam asks.
“ What? ” You splutter out. “No. Of course, I’m not. I mean, I’m attracted to him but I won’t put something like that on him. I just… I don’t want him to think I’m trying to. You know? It could… It could be—”
“Dangerous.” Sam finishes for you. “I get it. If he thinks you’re coming onto him he might react negatively. I see your point.” He sighs deeply and you hear a rustling. “Okay, so what are you guys doing? Where are you hanging out?”
“Don’t know yet. He just asked me to pick a spot. We’re gonna cook.” You start packing your haul into the minecart.
“How romantic.” Sam sings. You chuckle and tell him to shut up. “Okay, so choose his place then. His home turf, where he’s comfortable. Then he can’t misread it, right?”
“Yeah, I guess you’re right.” You sigh and kick the cart into motion.
“You sure you can’t tell me who you’re talking about? I could give better advice if I knew who I’m dealing with.” Sam murmurs, sounding distracted.
“Nah. He won’t like it if I go around telling people we’re hanging out.” You shake your head. “Sorry to interrupt your night.”
“Oh, don’t worry about it. We’re just watching a movie.” He replies quickly and your heart drops. You knew it. You knew his voice does that thing when he’s getting distracted by Sebastian. You close your eyes and try to picture how Sebastian’s gotten his attention this time. He’s a glutton for Sam’s eyes. He’ll do anything to make his man drool.
“I gotta go. Have fun.” You hang up before you have to hear any more of it. You pull your phone back down into your lap and open up Alex’s chat again… and gasp.
Alex: Actually, you have all the ingredients and my G won’t give us space to breathe. Better at your place. Is that fine?
You jerk in the cart as it halts beside the road. You stare at the text and swallow hard. You can’t call Sam back. Besides, there’s not much advice he can give here. What are your options? Reject Alex? Tell him you’d rather not hang out alone… wouldn’t that be sending the exact message you’re trying to avoid?
You: Sounds good. Let me know when you’re free.
Alex: Tomorrow night sound good?
NIGHT? Night? He wants to hang out at night?
You smack yourself on the cheeks and stand up. You’re being ridiculous. You’re acting as if this is some sort of date… some sort of set up. He’s just coming over to improve his diet. Nothing more. You’re the one making this weird. You’re doing exactly what you don’t want to do.
You: Yup. See ya.
You shove your phone in with the rest of your stuff and dump it at home before jogging down to the Cindersap River. Without breaking your stride, you pull your shirt off and kick off your shoes before diving head first into the refreshing water.
Stop overthinking this. Just because you like him, doesn’t mean he thinks any more of this than exactly what it is. It’s just cooking. It’s just meal prep. It’s just a friend helping out a friend—if you can even call yourself that. You’re less than friends. You’re just a guy with a bit more knowledge than him. He’s just a student. That’s all. You’ll teach him how to do meal prep and he’ll go on to become a professional athlete who comes home to his beauty queen wife, Hayley.
This means nothing.
~*~*~*~*~
You barely see much further than right in front of you. All through your chores this morning, you’ve been in your head. You run over every possible scenario in your head—every awkward joke, every condescending remark, every unintentional touch. You work hard to eliminate them all. For tonight to go well, you have to be on your best behaviour. No getting distracted. No losing control.
And for that to happen, you need to stop seeing it as something so crucial. You need to stop being so worried about making it obvious that you like him. The only way to do that? Stop liking him. You can do that by tonight. Just think about everything you don’t like about him. Just stop thinking about his physique, his talent, his footwork, his ball control… His abs, his hair, his smile. Stop thinking about the way he feeds that dog in the centre of town every morning with a big smile on his face. Stop thinking about how you’ve seen him heading down from the mountains with sweat dripping down his neck from how hard he’s pushed himself.
It should be easy enough. Just get over him. By tonight. You can do it.
“Heads up!” You rip your eyes away from the ground in front of you and spot it immediately—the ball coming straight at you. Your body moves on instinct. Your mind is so preoccupied with itself that you don’t have the time to pause and think about what you’re doing. With quick footwork, you position yourself right where the ball will come down. You bring your knee up and watch the ball land right on it before flying back up into the sky. Hello, old friend. You catch the ball on your toe and flick it up again, waiting for it to hang in the perfect spot before hammering your toe onto just the right spot. The ball goes bulleting back the way it came.
You watch its trajectory and feel your chest tighten. Alex halts the ball beneath his heel, digging it into the sand and staring at you with wide eyes. You stare back at him and swallow hard.
“Sunshine?” He asks dumbly.
“I—Uhh—” You stammer and your eyes dart around the area. You’re on the beach. You’re going about your morning chores on auto-pilot. That’s right. You’re trying to stop liking Alex before tonight. But… he’s looking at you. He’s looking at you and taking you in. You spot Hayley watching the situation closely. Even Elliott’s looking over. Fix this. “I—Uhm—” Say something. You’re just stuttering.
“What was that?” Alex asks, his eyes narrowing.
“Gotta hurry off now.” You smile and wave, turning heel and jogging the other way. The sea urchins can wait for Alex’s shift at the ice cream stand. Right now, you need to get out of here. You don’t let anyone stop you as you motor back to your farm. You had big plans today but now… Farm clean up it is. You can get plenty done here on the farm. You’ve been neglecting things at the farm anyway to get deeper in the mines.
Only, now your mind is split down the middle. Stop liking Alex, yes. But also… What the hell was that?
When was the last time you’d kicked a ball? When was the last time you’d moved your feet like that? You push yourself all day. You push until your arms are basically numb. You push until you’re sweating through your shirt and can barely lift your pickaxe.
“Hey!” You stand up and turn around to find Alex standing at the foot of your field with a ball at his feet. Before you can think of what to say to him, he kicks it straight at you. You watch the ball come at you and throw out your foot before you can stop yourself. It connects, sending the ball straight back to him. Instead, this time he doesn’t halt it. He catches and manoeuvres it between his feet before sending it to you again.
“What are you doing?” This time, you halt the ball under your heel.
“I didn’t know you could play.” He shrugs, shoving his hands into his pockets.
“I can’t.” You reply quickly, kicking the ball back to him and turning back to your work. “Anybody can kick a ball.” You busy yourself with gathering your things. You hadn’t realised it was so late. You don’t even have the ingredients ready.
“Hmm.” Alex hums contemplatively. “Sure. I guess you're right. I just didn’t think someone like you could move your feet like that.”
“Someone like me?” You pick up your things and turn to him. He eyes you and shrugs.
“Yeah. You’re petite. You’re… You paint your nails. You…” He stumbles into silence and stares at you. Your heart races in your chest and you feel your stomach turn to lead. Ah, there it is. The sting I know so well.
“Guess I just have good reflexes.” You shrug. “I just need to grab some stuff from the shed before we start. You can wait up at the house.” You brush past him and listen to words get lost on his tongue before he trudges back up to the house.
Knowing something and witnessing it first hand are two separate experiences. Before you’ve gotten solid undeniable proof of something, there’s always a part of you that considers the alternative. Once you’ve seen it though, all considerations shatter. Of course that’s how he sees you. Of course it is . Because why would it be any different? Why would he be any different than everyone else?
You heave the basket of ingredients up to the house and kick the door open. Alex stands up from the bench on the porch and follows you inside. You drop the basket on the kitchen counter and wipe the sweat from your upper lip.
“Give me 5 minutes to freshen up then we can start.” You murmur.
“Hey, Sunshine.” You turn to look at Alex as he awkwardly fidgets with the ball in his arms. “I didn’t mean anything by that… earlier. All I meant to say was that you surprised me. Your footwork is good. Impressive.” He speaks softly.
“Thanks, Alex.” You smile at him and walk down the hall. Your smile disappears. At least he tried.